How God Turned My Ashes Into Beauty | Kaitlin Gonzalez-Mazzone

[SPEAKER_00]: The spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has annoyed me to proclaim good news to the poor.

[SPEAKER_00]: He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all whom warm and provide for those who grieve in Zion.

[SPEAKER_00]: to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes.

[SPEAKER_00]: The oil of joy instead of mourning and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

[SPEAKER_00]: They will be called Oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is the Word of the Lord.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, Tracy.

[SPEAKER_02]: You guys have a seat.

[SPEAKER_02]: That is, we were just kind of joking, but not really before church this morning.

[SPEAKER_02]: Just, I mean, could there be a better three verses in the whole Bible than those verses?

[SPEAKER_02]: Those verses from Isaiah, sixty-one there is just such a simple and profound way that God is saying to His people.

[SPEAKER_02]: that he is a God who redeems things.

[SPEAKER_02]: He's a God who changes things.

[SPEAKER_02]: He's a God who takes what is one way and makes it another way.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so many times in our lives, we get to experience God do that, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: We see God do that in His Word, we see God do that in His people, Israel, and in all of the symptom history.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then we get to experience that for ourselves, we're God changes.

[SPEAKER_02]: He changes us.

[SPEAKER_02]: He changes sometimes.

[SPEAKER_02]: He changes circumstances.

[SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes he doesn't.

[SPEAKER_02]: But he certainly redeems.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I want to just kind of hold onto that word today.

[SPEAKER_02]: Just redeems the broken and the hard and the even sinful and dark things and places in our lives.

[SPEAKER_02]: He redeems those things for his glory.

[SPEAKER_02]: The very end of that passage was for the splendor of God, for the glory of your name.

[SPEAKER_02]: Right.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's that's why all these things are done.

[SPEAKER_02]: And so, um, we're going to get to hear another story from Caitlin.

[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to bring Caitlin on up here.

[SPEAKER_02]: Caitlin Gonzalez is at Mazzona Mazzoni.

[SPEAKER_02]: Mazzona Mazzoni.

[SPEAKER_02]: However, you want to say it.

[SPEAKER_02]: She's like, it doesn't matter.

[SPEAKER_02]: Well, welcome.

[SPEAKER_02]: Caitlin on up here.

[SPEAKER_02]: How do you say it?

[SPEAKER_02]: How do you say it?

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it depends.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think various ways here around the church and she has a great story.

[SPEAKER_02]: I think some of y'all have heard her story but some of you guys have not.

[SPEAKER_02]: I know that you're going to be encouraged.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're going to be blessed by what she has to share really by what God has done in and through her life today.

[SPEAKER_02]: And like so many of the other testimonies that we've heard this summer, it is not an easy thing.

[SPEAKER_02]: And Caitlin probably say this.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's not an easy thing to hop up on this stage and look at all you guys and share your story and be a little bit vulnerable.

[SPEAKER_02]: So let's pray for Caitlin together.

[SPEAKER_02]: And then yeah, we're going to hear God's glory through what he's done in your life.

[SPEAKER_02]: So let's pray.

[SPEAKER_02]: But we're glad thank you so much for your goodness in grace.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you that you are the God of all of our stories and right now we're going to get to hear of your goodness and your mercy and your truth and all the ways that you have worked in and through Caitlin and so we just pray for her God we lift her up to you and we pray that you would call him any nurse you may have and Lord just let her speak your truth in Jesus name amen.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Alrighty, good morning, everyone.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, as Pastor Kurt was saying, first, can we get a round of applause for everyone that has gotten on stage and shared their testimony over these last few months and all the leaders who get up on this stage weekly and speak because it is not as easy as it looks even for us outgoing.

[SPEAKER_01]: Also, a quick side note for those of you that know me, I'm a very fast talker.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have gotten advice to take pause, but if anybody hears that I'm going too fast, don't be afraid in the audience, be like, shoot out.

[SPEAKER_01]: Alright, so for those of you that don't know me, my name is Caitlyn and I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I am in continuous recovery for my codependent tendencies and anxiety.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, guys.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to prep this my testimony was saying that I have been excited to share God's work throughout my life and especially the past two and a half years I've been at Celebrate Recovery.

[SPEAKER_01]: However, even with the fire I have in my heart to spread the gospel and God's goodness, the enemy has been in my ear about sitting down and riding my testimony to share.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if anybody could relate to that or not, but the enemy was whispering lies that I was not good enough to be on a stage today, that even though God has brought me a long, long way, I still struggle and I need to wait until I'm better, further in recovery, etc.

[SPEAKER_01]: in order to share.

[SPEAKER_01]: But the truth is, I will never be perfect.

[SPEAKER_01]: Only Jesus is perfect.

[SPEAKER_01]: Also, being a recovery means to be a continuous work in progress, surrendering my hurts, habits, and hangups daily, and that is okay.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, here I am today, guys.

[SPEAKER_01]: A mess of a human with a heart full of love for God who receives God's grace and mercy.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he has given me the courage to stand up here today to share my testimony in order to glorify him.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, here it goes.

[SPEAKER_01]: My very first memories in life at four years old were that of trauma.

[SPEAKER_01]: I went through more trauma in my first decade of life than some do in a whole lifetime.

[SPEAKER_01]: And before I knew it, I was twelve years old contemplating suicide.

[SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, I quickly found a coping mechanism for my suicidal ideation that made me feel in control, yet was life threading to my body, and that unfortunately was bulimia.

[SPEAKER_01]: Before I knew it, the eating disorder became a full-blown addiction.

[SPEAKER_01]: Even a few years in when I finally realized how harmful it was, I felt like a zombie out of control literally unable to stop myself.

[SPEAKER_01]: I even remember at one point asking my parents if I could go to counseling and was told, but why?

[SPEAKER_01]: You're fine, you're sunshine, your nickname is smiley, nothing's wrong with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Friends, that really goes to show you the happiest people on the outside, no matter their age, you never really know what might be going on internally.

[SPEAKER_01]: Fast forward to when I was around fourteen, and my stepdad, one of the closest people in my life, was diagnosed at thirty years old, with stage four, Glioblastoma cancer, and rocked our family's world.

[SPEAKER_01]: We were blessed to have three more years with him.

[SPEAKER_01]: However, they were filled with many ups and downs.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because of where the tumor was located, his emotions were constantly a roller coaster, and there was a lot of emotional traumas that occurred over those years for us.

[SPEAKER_01]: The worst trauma being seventeen, and watching my stepdad take his last breath in hospice.

[SPEAKER_01]: My mom understandably was deep in grief, so I stepped up and helped take care of my siblings and decided that when I graduated high school, a few months later, I was going to stay home and go to community college.

[SPEAKER_01]: At this time, I was deep in grief, reeling for my secret eating disorder and struggling with my mental health that I didn't realize at the time was fueled by co-dependency.

[SPEAKER_01]: This time, unfortunately, it was when I was essentially preyed on at eighteen years old, barely even an adult, but a twenty-five-year-old man that at the time felt like my night in shining armor.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was so broken, I didn't know God, I didn't know my worth, I was young, naive, no idea what rev flags even were.

[SPEAKER_01]: Before I knew it, he had convinced me to move out of my troubled family home and end with him.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then a few months later, he was offered a job across the country and told me I could either move with him or he would break up with me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And at this point, I was so co-dependent on his love bombing and affirmations that I picked up and left with him not looking back.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was isolated from all family and friends, and that's when the gaslighting started, which escalated to emotional manipulation and verbal abuse.

[SPEAKER_01]: He convinced me that if I was just a better girlfriend and was perfect at everything that he told me to do, then he wouldn't treat me that bad.

[SPEAKER_01]: Basically, I deserved it when he treated me poorly.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was what I deserved.

[SPEAKER_01]: On one of the many love bombing episodes he proposed and convinced me we should get married quickly at the courthouse and have a dream wedding down the road one day.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then, literally the night of our wedding, all those little red flags I had forgiven turned into a roaring fire of abuse.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he told me that he owned me now, and that he could do and treat me however he wanted.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's when the emotional and verbal abuse escalated to a daily occurrence, and my nervous system was so stressed out that I started having what's called psych pseudo seizures, which is not epilepsy, but essentially when you're brain literally shut down to try and protect yourself and shaking like spazons occur while unconscious.

[SPEAKER_01]: I remember that was the first time when I woke up in the hospital that the doctor asked me if I was being abused.

[SPEAKER_01]: And before I could answer, my husband at the time walked in to shut me down.

[SPEAKER_01]: Over the few years of our marriage, we moved around to five different states.

[SPEAKER_01]: He became more controlling and reckless.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's when the physical abuse started.

[SPEAKER_01]: I remember every day getting in the shower crying to God that I didn't know him but I wanted to.

[SPEAKER_01]: That I believed in Jesus but my husband at the time wasn't allowed me to go to church like I asked.

[SPEAKER_01]: I asked for God to protect me and told him that I felt ashamed.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was in this situation and I didn't know much about the Bible but I knew that it said divorce was a sin and I should stay married for better or worse.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was at a loss as to what did you feel and completely alone with my life and shambles at nineteen years old.

[SPEAKER_01]: Things got so abusive and so bad that I decided at twenty years old I was going to take my own life.

[SPEAKER_01]: I remember I was alone in the house on the coal kitchen floor.

[SPEAKER_01]: My plan made.

[SPEAKER_01]: My goodbye letters written.

[SPEAKER_01]: I just didn't see any other end to the pain.

[SPEAKER_01]: But God.

[SPEAKER_01]: I remember at the last minute at a desperation calling out to God, sobbing, saying,

[SPEAKER_01]: God, I don't know you, but I want to.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to die, but I can't go on living in this pain.

[SPEAKER_01]: If there is any other way out, please show me because I don't see it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I close my eyes and I saw myself sitting in a dark cave with a far away blinding white light thinking, what is that?

[SPEAKER_01]: I stood up and slowly started walking towards the white light.

[SPEAKER_01]: And for the first time in my life, I heard God's beautiful, gracious, all commanding voice firmly yet lovingly say, get up.

[SPEAKER_01]: I opened my eyes, and as if I was no longer in charge of my own body, my legs somehow carried me to bed, and I fell into the deepest slumber.

[SPEAKER_01]: As I reflect on this time in my life, I think about first King's nineteen when Elijah wanted to die, and God gave him rest.

[SPEAKER_01]: The next morning, I awoke called out a work and drove to the first doctor's office.

[SPEAKER_01]: I could find talking to God saying, Laura, please help me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing, but please help me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to die.

[SPEAKER_01]: I walked into a jam packed waiting room of a doctor's office, walked up to the receptionist and said, I don't have an appointment, but I need help.

[SPEAKER_01]: And by divine intervention alone, I was led back to a room and a female doctor came in to start talking to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: After a few minutes, she opened the door and yelled to the receptionist to clear her schedule for the rest of the day that I was more important.

[SPEAKER_01]: And y'all know this is not happening.

[SPEAKER_01]: Especially at a busy doctor's office with a brand new walk in patient off the street.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know this was my God protecting me.

[SPEAKER_01]: This kind doctor sat with me for almost three hours of me sobbing and pouring my heart out.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was twenty years old and officially diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety.

[SPEAKER_01]: They refer to the most wonderful counselor.

[SPEAKER_01]: My journey of healing my childhood wounds and traumas began in a year later.

[SPEAKER_01]: I finally started confessing to my counselor.

[SPEAKER_01]: All the abuse I was enduring for my husband at the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: She worked diligently with me for almost a year for me to finally start to realize that I needed to leave him, that God didn't want me to live this way, and I deserved far better.

[SPEAKER_01]: A few weeks later, I remember lying in bed for the night alone while he was out drinking again, and I cried out to God for a sign if I should stay and keep fighting and praying that God would change him, or if it was finally time that I could leave and have zero regrets.

[SPEAKER_01]: God delivered.

[SPEAKER_01]: A few minutes later, he stumbled and drunk throwing his drink on me, then sat on the bed crying and said, Caitlin, I've treated you horrible for years.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've cheated on you so many times and abused you in more ways than I can count.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know why, but something is telling me to let you go that you can leave me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I instantly started laughing and rejoicing because God had given me the side.

[SPEAKER_01]: I asked for, and I immediately asked for a divorce.

[SPEAKER_01]: The next day, I packed all my belongings and left to live with my friend and then called my family who had no idea about the abuse to tell them everything.

[SPEAKER_01]: The following year, dealing with a divorce process and other traumas that occurred was brutal.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I clung to Psalm twenty three for dear life.

[SPEAKER_01]: But even in the midst of deep turmoil, I found a church home and started my first Bible study and my faith in relationship with God started to blossom.

[SPEAKER_01]: Praise God.

[SPEAKER_01]: Later on, yet sooner than I got expected, I met my now has been Troy for the first time.

[SPEAKER_01]: My church at the time has started a young adult group night, and I'm been asked to me, even though I had sworn off all men, that wasn't going to be a nun.

[SPEAKER_01]: At that point, it was solely focusing on my relationship with God, a friend of mine and friend of his have purposefully planned for us to meet that night.

[SPEAKER_01]: Neither of us were looking for relationships, since we were both healing from our previous tumultuous marriages, but God had a different plan for us.

[SPEAKER_01]: As we were falling in love, we fell into the sin of premarital sex.

[SPEAKER_01]: And suddenly, I became very sick to the point of having to go to the hospital.

[SPEAKER_01]: We decided together that we wanted to repent and abstain from premarital relations and pray that God would heal me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then weeks later we were shocked to find out I was pregnant with our daughter, Kelly.

[SPEAKER_01]: Troy had already purchased an engagement ring and decided to speed up the proposal and together we decided to plan a quicker wedding.

[SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, I was belittled for being pregnant out of wedlock to the point of losing friends and even my job at the time and was even told that our baby was blasphemy and I held that guilt for far too long.

[SPEAKER_01]: I constantly repented for the sin of premarital sex while still praying for the protection of our growing daughter.

[SPEAKER_01]: After Troy and I got married, we decided to move back here to Covington, my hometown, to be near family.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thankfully, we found our church home at Eastridge eight years ago, and started establishing our life here, then, and before I knew it, we were a beautiful family of three.

[SPEAKER_01]: That, however, was when severe postpartum depression hit me.

[SPEAKER_01]: It took a while, but with professional help, I became more stable.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then, when I recognized, I was the happiest I had ever been in my life with Troy and Callie in thanking God daily.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was still lost as to why I felt so empty inside.

[SPEAKER_01]: Why it felt like I was wearing this mask and didn't even really know who I was deep down.

[SPEAKER_01]: However, I was still carrying the weight of traumas, PTSD, and unbeknownst to me at the time, codependency.

[SPEAKER_01]: Fast forward to the end of twenty twenty two one day we were at church during worship and my hands were raised I was singing the worship songs by heart that I still feel empty inside.

[SPEAKER_01]: I looked around and saw so many people here in my church with my eyes, with their eyes closed, worshiping crying, seemingly moved by the Holy Spirit.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I pray, God, how do I find that?

[SPEAKER_01]: I want that one this with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm serving in every category I can, attending church every Sunday, memorized all the worship songs, going to Bible studies, doing good deeds, what else can I do?

[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't realize it at the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was just checking off boxes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then I heard Scott England, wherever you are.

[SPEAKER_01]: I heard Scott England saying.

[SPEAKER_01]: the song, firm foundation for the very first time at church introducing it as a new song.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it was like God had answered my prayer.

[SPEAKER_01]: I equated the lyrics in the song to when the sun was shining in my life, everything was good.

[SPEAKER_01]: But when rain came and when blue, I was getting caught up in the storm.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it was then I realized I didn't have a firm foundation in my relationship with God.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I knew that he needed to become my firm foundation.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I prayed, how do I make that happen?

[SPEAKER_01]: Then January, twenty twenty three, I hit a real rough patch, like shortly after that moment.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I dropped my husband off for deployment, started the intense care practice program far from home.

[SPEAKER_01]: My grandmother that helps me so much with our daughter, Cali, got extremely sick.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so much stress was going on and I realized that I couldn't control any of it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it felt like I hit a brick wall.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then one Sunday after I've been crying at the altar, Pastor Scott invited me to celebrate recovery for the first time.

[SPEAKER_01]: Admittedly, I'd always made excuses not to come, but at that point in my life, I knew I needed help and I needed to make it a priority.

[SPEAKER_01]: So two and a half years ago, I walked up that hill for the first time.

[SPEAKER_01]: God worked it so that the lesson that night was taught by my now dear friend, Ali, on code dependency, which I'd never heard of.

[SPEAKER_01]: That night y'all, it was like God literally lifted the veil from my eyes and I was finally face to face with my sin.

[SPEAKER_01]: I finally knew it was quote unquote wrong with me and I could actually work on it and see life changes through get this surrendering my want for control to God.

[SPEAKER_01]: Although I cried a lot in the beginning, I'm not sure if anyone has ever been so excited to realize what their sin is.

[SPEAKER_01]: You see, I was baptized four years ago here at Easterage by Pastor Scott, but it wasn't until that first night at CR that I realized what it meant to actually fully surrender my life to the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's a choice that I choose to make every single day to surrender to Him.

[SPEAKER_01]: The ones that came to this realization, I jumped head first enthusiastically into my first step study that I can't begin to even put into words how incredible it was.

[SPEAKER_01]: To dig and reveal deep wounds, admit deep flaws, take out that trash with my inventory, and more while surrounded by the most wonderful sisters in Christ who for the first time in my life actually understood loved and accepted me.

[SPEAKER_01]: It took a lot of work for me to fully surrender to God, to accept His love and forgiveness, and to forgive myself.

[SPEAKER_01]: While by the grace of God being supported in my recovery journey, by my wonderful step study, my sponsor, CR, family, church family, my husband, and close dear friends.

[SPEAKER_01]: along with attending CR and answering God's call to start serving with the teens in the landing.

[SPEAKER_01]: In twenty twenty four, I was also able to accomplish a long time goal of mine with the Bible besties group with Tracy Merritt to read the entire Bible in a year.

[SPEAKER_01]: The combination of CR, church service and reading my Bible daily, I have been transformed not just know of God but to know Him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And to realize that my identity is found and Christ alone, my cornerstone.

[SPEAKER_01]: Finally, I stand before you today and tell you that my life is living proof of Isaiah, sixty-one-three, that says.

[SPEAKER_01]: To all who mourn, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.

[SPEAKER_01]: God can and will use any trauma, tragedy, hurt, habit, hang up or test into a testimony.

[SPEAKER_01]: One of my favorite Bible verses I cling to is Romans eight twenty eight which says and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.

[SPEAKER_01]: So the question that I leave you with now is what is your next step in faith and walk with Jesus look like.

[SPEAKER_01]: Please pray about this because I can assure you that no matter the depths of your pain, anguish, sorrow, shame, you name it, you are not alone.

[SPEAKER_01]: to paraphrase one of my favorite forest Frank songs.

[SPEAKER_01]: Even though we will never be worthy of the price, Jesus paid on the cross for us, Jesus hang on the cross with a crown of thorns on his head and love in his eyes saying, I am worthy of the price.

[SPEAKER_01]: You are worthy of the price.

[SPEAKER_01]: So please your friends know that if you have breath in your lungs, then God is not finished with you yet.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for letting me share.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, thank you, Caitlin.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's so good.

[SPEAKER_02]: So before she shared, we read Isaiah, if you have a Bible, open up Isaiah, sixty one with me, just for a second.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I gave you that word redemption.

[SPEAKER_02]: Redemption is, it kind of has a really nuanced meaning.

[SPEAKER_02]: It technically means to purchase something back, to purchase something out of slavery.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's what redemption means.

[SPEAKER_02]: But it really comes with the context of change, of taking something that was one way, like we said, and changing it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And Kate, look, thank you for that story.

[SPEAKER_02]: And just hearing all the ways in Caitlin's story of the ways that God can redeem, the way that God can change,

[SPEAKER_02]: certain things, whether it's...

[SPEAKER_02]: Man depression and anxiety and even suicidal ideations, bringing it to a place.

[SPEAKER_02]: I mean, I don't think anybody that knows Kayla wouldn't say she's one of the most joyful people you ever met, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: And just no one to joy the Lord that can come.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's redemption, y'all joy, joy from depression and brokenness and redeeming a really hard, difficult marriage to one that got a husband sitting on the front row right and sitting and church together.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know what redemption also looks like?

[SPEAKER_02]: It looks like they're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know what redemption also looks like?

[SPEAKER_02]: It looks like they're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You know what redemption also looks like?

[SPEAKER_02]: It looks like they're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: You're a little red headed child.

[SPEAKER_02]: What would I mean, what I feel, the brokenness or the hurt or the shame or the guilt or the sin that I'm going through and that I've done or that others have done to me, that can't change and then, and then we hear God's words say, Isaiah, sixty one, the spirit of the sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord is anointed me to preach good news to the poor.

[SPEAKER_02]: He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted to proclaim freedom to the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners.

[SPEAKER_02]: To proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance for our God, to comfort all who mourn and to provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty

[SPEAKER_02]: of ash instead of ashes, and the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise, instead of a spirit of despair, they would be called Oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.

[SPEAKER_02]: Do you hear all the things in that little passage right there that seem like they wouldn't be able to change, but yet God and His goodness and His sovereignty and His providence, He comes and He changes those things?

[SPEAKER_02]: There's a specific place in the New Testament where this passage, this exact passage is red.

[SPEAKER_02]: Listen, the book of Luke chapter four, and it's when Jesus begins his ministry.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is the passage he reads.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is the passage he walks into the synagogue.

[SPEAKER_02]: He unrolls the scroll of Isaiah.

[SPEAKER_02]: any stands up and he reads that passage the spirit of the Lord is on me it takes a little bit different context when you realize who this is really about right it's on me Jesus reads because he has a knowing to me to do all these things that we just read

[SPEAKER_02]: preach good news to the poor, bind up the broken hearted, proclaim freedom to the captives, release from darkness, the prisoners, proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who grieve, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

[SPEAKER_02]: This is the ministry of Jesus to His people.

[SPEAKER_02]: And the reason he read that and what he does is he reads it.

[SPEAKER_02]: And if you read that passage and look for he reads it, he rolls up the scroll and he sits down and when a teacher sat down, it was them saying, okay, what I'm about to say, you need to lean into and listen.

[SPEAKER_02]: And here's what he says today, this passage of scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.

[SPEAKER_02]: His point is, I'm here.

[SPEAKER_02]: To do all that for anyone and everyone who does what Caitlyn just talked about surrenders to me, trusts and me and follows me.

[SPEAKER_02]: You come to Jesus, you look to him, you trust in him, what you will experience more than you will experience anything else is redemption.

[SPEAKER_02]: He won't always change your circumstances, but what he will change is your heart.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's the greatest redemption because redemption, like I said, it looks like a lot of different things, but what it looks like more than it looks like anything is it looks like Jesus changing us from the inside out.

[SPEAKER_02]: That's redemption.

[SPEAKER_02]: a new heart, a new mind, to know him, to see him, to rejoice even in the hard things, to know that he is God.

[SPEAKER_02]: And he's trustworthy.

[SPEAKER_02]: Amen.

[SPEAKER_02]: He's trustworthy.

[SPEAKER_02]: And that's Jesus.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I love that Caitlin ended this with what's your step today?

[SPEAKER_02]: What's a step, maybe that God's calling you to take?

[SPEAKER_02]: And so here's what I would love to do.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to sing one more song.

[SPEAKER_02]: We're actually going to sing firm foundation that Caitlin referenced.

[SPEAKER_02]: It's wonderful songs about standing on the rock of Jesus through the lifestones, right?

[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to sing that here in just a second.

[SPEAKER_02]: Before we sing that, I want to ask us just to take a moment here in Bauerhids and pray.

[SPEAKER_02]: And I want us to just seek the Lord with this question.

[SPEAKER_02]: God, what are you doing right now in my life that you're calling me?

[SPEAKER_02]: to respond to, that you're calling me to take a step in, that you're calling me to just listen to your voice.

[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe it's something that you've kind of been putting off.

[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe it's something that you just haven't really even noticed that God's been doing, that you know he's been doing, but you just haven't really taken the time to think about why he's doing that or what that may look like for you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe it's some hurt or struggle that you're going through, that you just want to ask God, what do you do in there?

[SPEAKER_02]: How can I trust you more?

[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe it's even sin that you just needed today.

[SPEAKER_02]: Lay that down and stop and give it to him to redeem.

[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever that may be.

[SPEAKER_02]: So I just want to ask us, let's power heads together.

[SPEAKER_02]: Let's power heads.

[SPEAKER_02]: By the way, if you're on the prayer team and you want to step down, if you need somebody to pray with you, come down and we would love to pray with you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Just this is a good opportunity for that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Just go to the Lord right now and just ask and God.

[SPEAKER_02]: God, what are you redeeming and how are you changing things and what are you calling me to step into?

[SPEAKER_02]: To experience the changes that you're making for your splendor, for your glory.

[SPEAKER_02]: And here in just a second, we're going to start singing.

[SPEAKER_02]: There's one I encourage you as we do that to stand and sing and rejoice if you want to do that or stay sitting down and keep praying if you want to do that.

[SPEAKER_02]: Come forward if you need somebody to pray with you.

[SPEAKER_02]: Let's just trust the Lord and let's just move in his direction right now.