One Another: Part 3 - Confess and Carry - Pastor Andrew Damazio

Hey, this is Andrew Damasio, lead pastor of Rose Church here in Portland, Oregon.

Welcome to our podcast.

Our mission here at Rose is building big people, becoming like Jesus in community while growing in our faith.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I pray today's message challenges you and encourages you on your walk with Jesus.

Thank you so much for listening.

Enjoy today's podcast.

Let's get into our text today.

We are on a series.

This is week number three, on this phrase called one another.

One another.

And what we've been talking about is there are 45 commands in the New Testament, 45, that use that phrase.

Blank one another.

Pray for one another, be humble with one another, receive one another, forgive one another, all these different make sure you do this.

Why?

Because uh for you and I, serving Jesus is a communal experience.

This is not supposed to be an individual experience.

It's not supposed to be you and Jesus by yourself on this journey.

It is supposed to be us as a community, us as a communal experience, doing life together with one another.

So we've dealt with week one number uh week number one, we talked about encourage one another, not just with positivity, not just with being uplifting, but to encourage, to biblically encourage one another.

Last week we talked about to live in harmony with one another.

How could you and I, and the vast difference and diversity in this room, how could we live in true biblical harmony together?

Today we're gonna jump into our third, uh, our third title that we're gonna deal with today.

Let's go to Galatians chapter 6.

Galatians 6 · chapter mention

If you have a Bible, Galatians chapter 6 will be on the screen, read it together, and then we'll jump over and read James chapter 5, just one verse together.

Galatians 6 · chapter mention James 5 · chapter mention

But Galatians 6 and James 5, and then we'll get into our topic of one another today.

Galatians 6.

Amen.

Galatians 6.

It says, brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.

But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.

Carry each other's burdens.

Carry each other's burdens.

And in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

I love this.

If anyone thinks they're something when they're not, they deceive themselves.

Each of you should test their own actions, then they will take pride in themselves alone without comparing themselves to someone else.

For each one should carry their own load.

Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

Verse 7.

Don't be deceived.

God cannot be mocked.

A man reaps what he sows.

Whoever sows to please their flesh from the flesh will reap destruction.

Whoever sows to please the spirit from the spirit will reap eternal life.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially those who belong to the family of believers.

Jump over to James chapter five.

James five, just one verse.

James five, sixteen.

Therefore, confess your sins to each other or to one another, and pray for each other, so that you may be healed.

For the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

This is our text for the day.

Today I want to talk from the subject confess and carry.

Confess and carry.

Confess and carry.

Let's pray as we jump into God's word.

Father, I thank you for your word.

I thank you for this service.

I thank you for today.

God, your word says that when scripture is preached, it's like a seed to the soil.

And it shall bring forth 30, 16, and 100fold.

Father, I pray for the seed of the scripture, for the seed of your word to fall on good soil today.

Good soil.

And it shall bring forth fruit 30, 16 and 100fold today.

Father, we're not here just for another church experience.

We're not here just for another moment on a Sunday.

We're here to be changed from the inside out.

Father, would you open our eyes, open our ears to hear your word today?

Holy Spirit, convict us, challenge us, point things out.

Would you Holy Spirit, I know I'm the second preacher in the room.

You are the first preacher in this room.

Holy Spirit, would you preach?

Would you reveal?

Would you convict today?

Would you help my words and my thoughts to communicate the word of God today?

And Father, we thank you for the sun.

It is glorious.

Let it stay out until January, Lord.

And may the Blazers win the NBA Championship.

May the Timbers win the MLS Championship.

That's all, Lord.

Amen! May the Beavers lose every game for the rest of their history.

Um Beaver fan, this is not a safe place for you.

We are duck fans here.

Amen.

Sports! Yeah.

And UP baseball, okay?

No, half that team goes to the church.

So all the UP baseball, okay.

We go for that team as well.

That's your two options as a church, by the way.

You have the Oregon Ducks or UP baseball.

Okay, that's our two.

That's our two teams.

Um I want to talk about confess and carry today.

Confess.

Confess and carry.

Galatians 6 says that we must bear one another's burdens.

We must carry each other's burdens.

James 5, 16 says that we must confess to one another, confess our sins to one another.

Today I want to kind of I talked about the messy church last week.

I want to kind of continue that thought today about another aspect of very messy church, and it's a church that confesses sins to one another.

A church that lives in actual deep, interwoven harmony and relationship with one another, not just in this big room, but as individuals and groups and homes, that we would live in a community that confesses to one another.

You see, in every other community out there, you are told to hide everything.

In this community, we're told to expose everything.

This is not just like your job or your neighbor or like going on an interview or being out of school.

Like out there, it's like put your best foot forward, hide everything, don't show everything.

In this community, we're not a community that is supposed to hide everything.

We're supposed to be a community that exposes everything and lives in a confessional reality.

So I'm gonna give you five things today, really quick, five things from Galatians six.

We're just gonna work our way through the text, five things from Galatians chapter six.

Number one, confession must be a mutual act.

Confession must be a mutual act.

What do I mean by that?

Do you see the three phrases in Galatians 6?

He says, number one, carry each other's burdens.

It doesn't just say carry someone's, it's in each other's.

There's a mutuality, there is a togetherness, it's carry each other's burdens.

Second, in James 5, he says, confess your sins to each other.

Each otherness.

And at the end of James 5, he says, and pray for each other.

In other words, really simple today, as we intro into our text, confession must be a two-way street.

It must be you confess and I confess.

What I'm not saying is like I confess, and all right, your turn.

Go ahead.

Like it's not just like we just go back and forth.

Alright, what'd you do yesterday?

What about Monday?

What about last Sunday?

It's not like we take turns.

What I mean is there is a mutuality, there is a togetherness, there is an each otherness in our relationship that I confess, and so do you.

Because this is what can tend to happen.

We all know these people.

They love hearing everyone else's stuff.

But when it comes to them, walls go up.

Sounds like this.

They love everyone else's intimacy, but they love their own vagueness.

Hey, how are you?

What's going on?

How's the marriage?

What really happened?

How do you really feel?

They want you to be as open and intimate as possible, but then when you return the favor, how are you?

Oh, we're great.

They thrive in others' intimacy and they thrive in their own vagueness.

I said I shared this last Sunday.

Sketchiness is not a fruit of the spirit.

Too many Christians thrive in vagueness.

Who are you with?

What happened?

Where'd that go?

Who went with you?

Are you good?

Are you still talking?

What's going on?

And we what we we like living in the shadows.

We like living in vagueness.

So no one really has tabs on us, but we want tabs on everyone else.

We feel close to you when you share, but it comes to our turn, it's I'm good, we're great.

This is not what Galatians 6 is saying.

This is saying it is a mutual thing.

It is bear each other's burdens.

It is confessed to one another.

It is a mutual thing that you and I are both called individually to each other to confess our sins to one another.

See, write this down.

For some of you, you think your vagueness is protecting you.

But it's actually robbing you of true change.

We think our vagueness is actually gonna protect us, guard us from losing our friends.

But it's actually the thing that offers us actual change, is actually robbing you.

We're gonna read quite a bit of Bonhoeffer today because he says it better than I.

Look at this.

Bonhoeffer says a person should refrain from listening to confession if they don't practice it themselves.

Only the person who has humbled himself can hear a brother's confession without harm.

That's profound.

A person who does not practice confession should not hear it.

Why?

Because you know this in the New Testament talks about the the uh the Dead Sea and then the Jordan River.

The Dead Sea is the Dead Sea because it only has things coming in, nothing goes out.

To this day, there is no inlet, there is no outlet, it just sits there.

What's the difference between the Dead Sea and the Jordan River or the Galilee?

It's because they have outlets, they have movement in their river.

We become Dead Sea Christians when we only hear everyone else's stuff, but have no outlet to confess stuff on our own.

Confession must be a mutual, a you and I together, we have this bond together.

Act.

Why?

Because this level of confession, this level of transparency, hearing me, actually creates real friendship.

Real community.

See what we're told, and maybe you're raised this way, don't tell people that stuff because you'll lose them as a friend.

So what we do, we come into the church and connect groups and whatever, and moments like this, and we hide all of our cards because we have something in the back of our head, if anyone actually knows who I am, I will lose all my friends.

Or, or, I submit to you, could it be you actually gain real friends?

Right, right.

Because this is what happens.

If you leave this huge room, you leave pursuit, you leave it connected, whatever, and no one actually knows what's going on behind the veil.

You what happens?

You feel unknown.

Connect group was fun, we laughed, we played games, it was so much fun, but no one really knows.

No one actually knows me and what I'm struggling with, what I'm battling with, what's going on at home, what's going on at work, what's going on in my mind, what's going on in my soul.

And what?

You feel like your relationships are a sham.

You feel like they are shallow, they're hollow, and in some ways they are.

I would submit to you any relationship that fears intimacy is shallow in the beginning, anyway.

It's already a veneer if we can actually confess and open to one another.

This is this level of intimacy of confession actually creates real relationships.

Again, Bonhoeffer goes on to say this.

I love this.

Confession is the breakthrough to real community.

Why?

Because sin demands to have a man by himself.

It withdraws him from the community.

The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him.

And the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation.

Look at sin wants to remain unknown.

It shuns the light.

In the darkness, look at this, it's profound, in the darkness of the unexpressed, it poisons the whole person.

In the darkness of the unexpressed, sin wants to remain unknown.

It wants to remain hidden.

Why?

Because if we're living with hidden sin or something's going on in our life, it what?

It slowly withdraws us from the community.

It makes us hide ourselves, hide our marriage, hide our addictions, hide what's going on, hide what's happening at work, hide our finances, and then we just become a church attender, not a brother and sister.

So we just sit in this room, amen, lift a hand, go home, and then we why why isn't church what it's supposed to be?

Because you were not living in real community.

You're attending a service and going home.

That is not the goal here.

But where is this birth from?

Confession.

Honesty, intimacy.

Timothy Cower says this to be loved but not known is superficial.

But to be known and not loved is our worst nightmare.

But to be fully known and truly loved is well a lot like being loved by God.

Do you see the balance?

I would rather be loved, but no one really knows.

Or I want to be known, but now I feel unloved.

So what is the supreme desire?

To be fully known and truly loved.

Where does that start from?

Confession.

He goes on to say, I mean, I love this quote.

If I had room, I'd get it tattooed somewhere, but I'm running out of space here.

Friendship should be the one pla the one be one of the chief places where pretense goes to die.

That's profound.

Friendship should be one of the chief places that that pretense, veneer, goes to die.

Real friendship, real confession with one another.

Now, this is I I forgot to say a lot last service, but I'm gonna remember this service.

If we confess the seeds, the harvest doesn't have to expose us.

I don't mean let's confess when it becomes public and the harvest is already here.

Let's save ourselves the embarrassment of the forest and confess the seeds.

Hey man, I haven't done it yet, but I'm thinking about it a lot.

Can you just call and challenge me?

It's okay, which is I don't know.

Fake scene, I'm making this up.

Fake scene.

Fake scene.

Fake scene.

Okay?

Okay, husbands, you go to work and you know you're flirting with that secretary like you should not be.

Before you commit adultery, why don't you call someone?

Say, hey man, I've done nothing yet.

But there's this girl at my work, and I tend to flirt more than I should.

Can you call me every day after work for just like two weeks?

Before the harvest comes of losing your wife and children, confess the seeds.

See?

It's confessing the early, the onslaught, the beginning of a thing.

Not waiting until it's full blown.

Picking up a seed is a lot easier than chopping down a harvest.

Always.

But we're not going to live that way.

If we're scared to lose our friends.

If you are scared to lose your friends when you confess, you do not have friends, you have acquaintances.

That is not real friendship.

But it takes what?

Mutuality.

Now again, please don't go on Facebook Live today.

Hey everyone, I have some stuff to confess.

My pastor told me at church today we should be people of confession, and this is my confession.

In the fourth grade, I, in the seventh grade, I like none of us need that.

Second, don't you walk out of church today going, hey, can I confess to you real quick?

Can I just talk to you real quick?

We don't need that either.

There's levels to this, of course.

The level of friendship dictates the level of sharing.

Because isn't it the worst to share the right thing with the wrong person?

Oh man.

You want to make a storm worse?

You want to create a storm within a storm?

Tell the wrong person the right thing.

So there's levels to this.

Of course, we need to find our level of relationship on who we are sharing this stuff with.

Because why?

James 11.

Sorry, James 4.11.

This is what we're scared of.

James 4.11 says, brothers and sisters, don't slander one another.

Now, this is the unset elephant in the room.

We're all scared to actually live in a church of confession because typically confession turns into gossip.

So if I went to Gerald and was like, hey man, this is what's going on in my marriage.

I need you to know, can you pray for us?

And then I get lunch with Seth the next day.

He goes, hey man, how's the marriage?

How did you know?

Just I was praying for you.

Who am I not going to confess to again?

Gerald! Or Seth! My submission, friends, I've been doing this for a minute.

I've been in church for a long, long, long, long, long time.

That's why I'm in counseling.

But um too many times Christians call prayer gossip.

No, I just need to know a little bit of information.

God, pray for him.

No, you just want to know the T because you like knowing what's going on in people's lives.

You don't need to know more information.

Like, so, so what the beautiful side of a sermon like this is we deeply confess.

The worst side of this sermon is everyone knows everything but everyone, and it becomes a cesspool of gossip.

And then what?

Confession gets shut down immediately.

So this is messy, isn't it?

This is very real.

Like, if I confess, this is with you and I, right?

I didn't share it to the whole Connect group.

So, like, right?

So there's a mutuality, though.

There is a come on point one.

Mom, this is getting bad.

Okay.

Point number two.

I'm becoming more and more of my dad, and this is a problem.

Point number two.

So number one, confession must be mutual.

It is us sharing together.

Point number two.

Confession guards against self-deception.

Self-deception.

Do you see what he says in verse two?

Bear one another's burdens.

But watch out yourself.

Watch yourself.

Or you will also be tempted.

Look at it.

He was on the like, I think it's verse 5 or 6.

He says, each one should test their own actions.

Then they can take pride in themselves alone without comparing themselves to someone else.

When you are in a moment of confession with another brother and sister, you should not walk away with pride.

You should walk away with fear of the Lord.

Okay.

What I just heard, this is what you should think.

I have the propensity to do the same.

What is in them is in me.

Many of you know Dr.

AJ Saboto.

He's been here many, many times.

He's been here lately because he took a church and now he's busy on Sundays.

So but he'll be back soon.

And one time me and him were talking because this um this is public, this is this is not gossip, this was public, and we both saw the post, and so we called each other that this individual fell morally and it was public and everywhere.

And so we called each other, like, what in the world happened?

And we're going back and forth, and then and then it got silent for a second, and then he goes, You know what scares me?

What's in him is in me.

And I was like, Are you trying to confess something?

He's like, no, he's like, he's like, this is how pastors fall all the time.

It's because we look at theirs and go, oh, I would never.

That's your first step towards self-deception, is to believe what they did in their sin, what they did in their marriage, you are not capable of doing.

Well, you should walk away after a moment of confession.

You should walk to your car and go, Lord, if there's anything in me, would you please expose it?

Because I when I hear confession, it it guards me against self-deception.

It guards me against pride.

Isn't that Proverbs 16?

Pride comes before the fall.

So when we hear one another sharing, especially when people sin differently than you, oh, I would never.

Calm down.

What's in you is in them, and what is in them is in you.

There needs to be a walking away from this moment of confession saying, I don't judge them, I don't feel better than them now, I don't, I'm not more prideful.

I actually walk away very aware that could be me.

I'm a few decisions away from doing everything.

I'm a few moments away, I'm a few bad thoughts away, I'm a few bad texts away, I'm I'm I'm not that far.

Instead of walking away going, oh my god, what?

What an idiot.

I would never.

Well, what an immature Christian.

I mean, how did he even You are on your way, friend?

You're on your way.

Because what we get blind.

We get self-deception, self-deception in our life going, oh, that's not me.

It is us.

It is me.

And then if you think that and I think that, we both walk away from confession with humility, not pride.

Number three.

Let's go quicker.

Now, don't tell me to take my time.

Because then I do it, and the kids' team is mad at me.

So number three.

Confession does not erase consequences.

Chapter 6, verses 6-7.

Do you see what he said?

It's profound.

Don't be deceived.

God will not be mocked.

What a man sows, he reaps.

This verse is always brought up around giving.

When did the word money get brought up?

This is not a giving verse.

The principle is there.

You give, you sow.

I get it.

But this is not in context.

Let's be biblically accurate for a moment.

This is not about money.

What a man sows, he reaps.

He's talking about the life that you live.

But those with this, God won't be mocked.

If a man sows to his flesh, he doesn't say he will, once he confesses, God will erase the flesh.

He says he will reap from the flesh.

So, in other words, you must catch this.

Because this is what tends to happen after these sermons.

We go confess, and then consequences come.

Like, what?

I confessed.

Because we think confession means eradicating.

The other day, this is a true story.

This is yesterday.

Yesterday.

My son, if you don't know it, we have three children, 12, 10, and 4.

He'll be five in September, which is just bizarre to me.

He's the most feral child.

Please pray for him.

He's my best friend and the four to my side at the same time.

And he's getting to the age where like he's starting to make stuff up and just like strings senses together that like I don't know what he's talking about.

And so this yesterday, I I go and he's at the neighbor's house, and the neighbor boy pushed him and he scraped his knee.

And so I'm I'm picking him up and he's just, I mean, like alligator tears.

He shoved me.

And he goes, he goes, This would never happen if it was my birthday.

What?

He goes, good thing tomorrow's my birthday.

It's not tomorrow's not his birthday.

So it means literally put band, he's in the band-aid phase, right?

Just bandits all the way down his leg, right?

Parents, you know.

And and so then I can't find him for a second.

And and I go, Rose, what are you doing?

He goes, I'm doing nothing.

Which all parents know, that means he's doing something.

So I go find him.

He's in the bathroom with one of Quinn's uh makeup and markers, drawing him over the wall.

I walk in and he goes, like, Quinn did it.

Wow, he's doing it! Quinn did it.

I was like, buddy, Quinn's not even here right now.

She's at a friend's house.

She made me do it.

Didn't want to, she told me to yesterday.

Like he's I'm watching, and he and he's still doing it as he's talking to me.

Yeah, Quinn Quinn told me.

Quinn, Quinn said.

Then I go, Rhodes, Augustine.

Who did that?

And he goes, I did it.

And then I was like, buddy, do you want to get a spank on the butt?

He goes, he goes, I don't get spanks when I tell you what I did.

He's four.

Funny story and whatever, but like 50-year-olds do this.

My dad told me I could.

My mom trained me.

My uncle said, while you're doing it, you're still blaming someone else.

And then when it comes time to take ownership, we think, and even in the church world, if we confess, consequences aren't coming.

That's not how the Bible works.

Let me write this down.

Confession begins the uprooting of the old seeds.

Then it gives opportunity to plant new seeds.

Notice what he says: God won't be mocked.

If you, why do you think you can sow to the flesh for three years and then confess on one Sunday, and now all of the sowing is erased?

That's not how God works.

He will not be mocked.

So what often happens with confession is it starts the process of uprooting what you've been planting.

It's uprooting the old seeds and now gives you opportunity to plant new seeds.

Confession does not mean there are no consequences.

And this is why for many of us we don't confess stuff.

This is why we hide it and thrive in vagueness.

We thrive in sketchiness.

Because we know if I confess this, I'm gonna get kicked off a team.

I'm gonna lose that friend.

I'm not gonna be able to do this.

I'm gonna lose my wife will leave.

You should have thought about that before you made the decision.

You should have thought about the consequences before you sowed that seed to the flesh.

Confession does not negate consequences.

It's often the beginning process of undoing what you've been sowing.

But friends, this is not new.

This has been happening since Genesis 3.

What happens in Genesis 3?

Adam and Eve sin.

And immediately, I mean, immediately, they cover themselves and they what?

Hide because of what?

Shame.

Shame.

We feel shameful, we feel icky or wrong, we feel whatever when we so what we just keep living in isolation, we keep living in vagueness, we keep living with no one knowing, because we'd rather live in that than in the reality if I confess this, something's gonna happen.

Yeah.

Confession still breeds consequences.

Number four.

Let's keep going.

It got pretty quiet in here.

I need to talk to you after this service real quick.

Confession does not transfer ownership.

This is so important.

Confession does not transfer ownership.

Do you see?

Let's go back to Galatians 6.

Do you see it?

He kind of contradicts himself, seemingly, but he really doesn't.

I'll break it down for you.

Look what he says in Galatians 6.

Brothers and sisters, if someone's caught in sin, you live by the Spirit, restore a person.

But watch yourselves.

Verse 2.

Carry each other's burdens.

So now, right about now, what many people think is, oh, I'm gonna confess.

Thank God they're gonna help me.

This is what we think.

I can finally confess, they're gonna help me carry this addiction, they're gonna help me carry this marriage issue, they're gonna help carry this financial burden.

Finally, Pastor, yes and amen.

I'm gonna confess right after the service, and my connect group is gonna bear my burdens.

Look at verse 5.

For each one should carry their own load.

How?

Are those two things possible?

They sound like a contradiction.

Let me break it down for you.

What he's saying is when we confess to one another, we live in deep interwoven community, we now help carry each other's burdens.

We now help carry each other's sins, but it's still your load.

Why?

Because look if he says in verse 1 and 2.

Watch out for yourself.

I'm gonna watch out for me, you watch out for you.

I'm gonna help, I'm gonna support, I'm gonna help carry this burden, but I have my load and you have yours.

In other words, please write this down.

I am supposed to help you, not become you.

Because some people love blame shifting their lack of growth on those they confess to, and it's their fault I'm not growing because they're not carrying my burdens.

Friends, I'm called to help you.

I'm not called to be you.

I can't call every appointment and make every every appointment for you and get the get get everything going and call the person, buy this, and buy the book, and schedule this.

No, no, that's your load.

You need to take the responsibility over your development.

As I said, I have three kids.

My youngest son, Rhodes.

My oldest son, uh, who's 12, he started walking like eight, nine months old.

Like he was kind of weird.

There's like this tiny little thing just running everywhere.

Rhodes, my youngest, didn't start walking until like 15 months old because he was just fat and happy.

But many parents know this with your youngest sibling.

Usually the youngest child walks last.

Why?

Because they get carried everywhere.

So their growth and development is prolonged because they love being carried by the community.

Adults do this too.

Why learn how to walk when my connector will carry me?

Why learn how to walk when Pastor Emmanuel will do everything for me anyway?

Why learn how to walk when Justin will call them for me?

Do you see?

We actually start blame shifting the church for our lack of growth.

And then we leave the church because they start being accountable to us and tell us you need to do this.

Oh, that's really abusive.

I thought you guys were here to help.

I'm here to help carry your burdens.

I'm not here to carry your load.

I'm here to help you, not become you.

Confession does not transfer the ownership to the person you confess to.

It takes ownership.

You have to fix this.

You have to take responsibility.

Confession helps shift the weight, it doesn't pass on responsibility.

I think more Christians need to take more responsibility over their development.

I always laugh.

When people leave churches because they weren't fed.

Why'd you leave so-and-so's church?

Oh, it'sn't fed there.

You couldn't feed yourself?

What do you think my job is?

To spoon feed you every Sunday?

My job is to train you to learn how to feed yourself.

That's my role is to help you learn the Bible that you might feed yourself.

So what we love blame shifting the church or blame shifting a pastor or blame shifting kinetic group because of your lack of responsibility and your load, your life.

Yes, we're called to bear each other's burdens, but that doesn't shift the responsibility.

That doesn't shift how we need to own us growing up.

Sometimes.

So what are you gonna do about it?

What am I gonna do about it?

What are you gonna do about it?

So, Pastor, what are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do?

You're 45 years old.

How are you gonna handle this decision you made?

Well, Pastor, I confess to you.

Yeah, I'm gonna pray for you.

I'm gonna open some doors for you, but I will not become you.

We must keep the ownership of our development in life.

Number five.

So important.

Because confession leads to lasting change.

Lasting change.

Why does this matter?

Because aren't you sick of the cycle yet?

And the cycle is this.

I've been in, and so have you.

During Connecticut, or during a pursuit, or during a Sunday, the Holy Spirit convicts you of your sin.

You come to the altar, you weep, you cry, someone prays for you, and you feel free.

Right?

You feel it like I'm I'm let's just use porn.

I'm broken from this addiction porn.

I will never watch porn again.

I feel free, I feel confident, I can do this.

And then by Tuesday night, you're back.

And then you watch porn a bunch for six weeks, and then you get you get convicted again, and you come back to an altar, you get more prayer, you feel free again, and then a month later.

You see the cycle?

And this is like, so some of you are like, well, like, cool, Pastor, this is a cute word, but like I just need God.

I can just confess to God.

You can.

You should.

Because it's God and God alone that can actually forgive you.

Actually, give you eternal life.

I can't give you that.

So, yes, it's important, you should confess your sins to God.

But even if you confess your sins to God, they are still hidden.

No one knows but you and Him.

And it's not until you expose and confess your sin to another brother and sister where you actually stop the cycle.

If you think that it's just between you and God, get ready for 10 years of cycles.

And I meet with people all the time.

Friends, next year has been 20 years of full-time ministry for me.

20 years.

I've been doing this for a minute.

I'll talk to people, they're like, Pastor, it's been 10 years, just can't break the cycle.

Have you told your wife?

Oh no.

Do any of your friends know?

I can never.

What about your brothers and sisters?

Oh, I would never tell them.

Why are you confused?

The cycle has a grip upon your life.

Because your sin remains hidden.

Well, I told God, that's great, but you can't see him.

You can see me.

I'm looking at you right here.

Confession actually breaks our way through the cycle and actually offers lasting change.

Again, look what Bonheifer says.

Why is it that it is often easier for us to confess our sins to God than a brother?

For God is holy, sinless, and just.

But a brother is sinful just as we are.

Why should we not find it easier to go to a brother instead of a holy?

Is he saying, like, God's holy?

We shouldn't want to go to him.

We shouldn't want to go to a brother and sister because they're sinful too.

This is why we do it though.

We must ask ourselves if we've been confessing our sins to ourselves and granting ourselves absolution.

And is not the reason, perhaps, for our countless relapses and the feebleness of our obedience to be found precisely?

And the fact that we are living on self-forgiveness.

Profound.

It is our brother and sisters that break the cycle of self-deception.

Have you considered that you have not found breakthrough yet, not because of God, God's distance from your life, but because of your lack of vulnerability?

Yes, you confess to God.

That does not break sin in your life.

Now, some of you are like, you're like 65, and you're like, this is really good for the young believers.

No, this is for all of us.

Until you walk them streets of gold, you will have to confess to one another.

This is not just like all the 25-year-olds listen to me.

If you're 55, you need to listen to me as well.

You've been following Jesus for 50 years.

That's awesome.

You still have some stuff to confess.

Maybe not as frequent as the 19-year-old.

Maybe not as frequent as the new believer, but you make no mistake.

This is for every one of us in this room.

So even those of you that are like playing metal chest with me, this is really good for my neighbor.

This is really good for you, sir.

That we live in a community of confession.

Now, as we wrap up this talk, you're probably thinking right about now, this sounds wildly inconvenient.

Yes, it does.

And by the way, yes, it is.

I can't tell you, ask my wife, I can't tell you how many times I've been about to get into bed, 11 o'clock at night, 10:30 at night, and my phone rings.

Pastor, I can talk to you right now.

Okay, so I get out of bed, I go back downstairs.

This is not for, just don't call me, okay?

If you have my number, you're like, oh, I can call my 11, don't call me.

I'm not gonna answer, okay?

Um, this is not some open invitation.

If you have my number, call me.

Um, but I mean, like with my friends, with people I am in community with.

If they call me, I will get out of bed and inconvenience my sleep pattern.

I've been on my way to do other things.

I get like I need to talk to you right now.

Okay, I reroute and go to their home.

I've had to get up late at night and drive to their home and sit in their living room and listen to confession.

I've had the walk out of classes, I've had the walk out of dinners, like I need to talk to you right now.

Living in this deep interwoven relationship and community of confession is a huge inconvenience.

So get ready for it.

But it is worth it.

It is I'll be driving over.

They're like, this is the last time I do this.

I'm turning my phone off.

I'm gonna change my number.

I'm gonna I'm so annoyed on my way there.

I'm like, this is I'm never, and then on my way back, I'm like, thank God.

See what's probably happening is there's half of you going, that would be like fresh air.

The other half of you is like, it doesn't work that way, hide.

You're probably having a battle within yourself right now.

Half of you is like, I would love to live in that community.

The other half of you is like, this is fake, don't even try.

Avoid this, this will ruin everything.

No, no, friends, we we are called to live in deep, deep, deep, interwoven connection relationship with each other.

Not 500 people, not even 50.

I mean like two, five, ten, fifteen people that you live in deep life with.

That what?

You have the ability to confess.

And then we could become a we could become a community that carries and confesses.

I need you to help me carry this burden.

I I need some help here.

I got you.

I'm not gonna become you, but I'm gonna help.

Or we can just keep playing church, build this room bigger and bigger and bigger, and then we all walk out as individuals.

No one knowing anyone except names, which is called acquaintances and just or we can actually live in deep, messy Church of Confession.

Do you do you understand how much better Sundays would be if church was happening Monday through Saturday?

Church before church creates this church.

But if we're all just living in isolation out there with no deep friendship, somebody like, bro, I have a friend in a friend in Chicago.

My sister lives in New York, my brother lives in Texas.

I I talked to my aunt in California, that's great, but we live here with you.

So I love that you're close to your sister, I love that you're close to your brother, I love that you talk to your dad on the phone.

That's awesome.

But I'm talking about you live face-to-face with, in real time with, in this community with.

Who has complete access to your life?

Let's get real awkward.

Who has the authority to grab your phone and go through your DMs?

Braun 55.

No, I'm serious.

Who can go through your emails?

Who can check your text thrives?

Be like, hey, are you still talking to her?

No, let me see.

Show me.

I'm serious.

Everyone's like, I ain't doing this ever.

I ain't doing this ever.

I'm serious.

Who has complete access to your life?

At any moment.

Hey, bro, I know we talked last week, so where are we at here?

Hey man, I know you showed me the last month.

Let me see your password.

Hey, bro, I know we prayed over the porn stuff.

Let me see.

Let me see your search history.

Show it to me right now.

No, no, no, no.

Well, I'll show you tomorrow.

We thrive in vagueness.

Girl, we talked about your shopping patterns.

We talked about your abuse of money.

Let me see your receipts.

All the girls are like, I'm leaving that church today.

Hey, bro, what happened?

What's a rose?

Yeah, I don't go there anymore.

The pastor's in sin.

I ain't gone.

I'm serious.

Whatever it is.

We can get as silly as you want.

Hey, I'm trying to have my boyfriend not sleep over.

Do I have the authority to stop by your house whenever and just check in?

Whatever it is, like list it out for yourself.

What is it?

That someone in this room has full access, full access to your life and being, your marriage, your kids.

Sounds scary.

It also sounds wildly freeing.

To what?

Lasting change.

Not pursuit change, not Sunday change.

I mean lasting.

Lasting change.

Again, I do not advise you walk out of this room today and grab three strangers and go, alright, we're all doing this together, right?

Like, that's weird.

It's weird.

Don't post on your stories later today.

Who wants to be my friend?

Someone DM me.

I need to talk to someone.

That's weird.

Okay?

I mean, like, in authentic relationship.

Now, some of you are like, alright, I'm gonna do it.

Then you're gonna email me in three weeks when I did it and it didn't work.

This is not a three-week journey.

This is months and months and months and months and months of being deeply committed to the people in this room.

To confess to one another and bear one another's burdens.

We could create this relationship.

We could create this church.

We could and completely shift how the American church does church.

We could, we could do this.

Or we could not, just keep playing church.

Which I'm really, really not interested in.

I hope you're kind of sick of it too.

We might actually change a city if we could actually do church.

We could actually change the whole region if we could do church.

Messy, for sure.

Worth it.

Worth it.

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