The Art of the Table: Part 2 - Theology of Singleness - Pastor Andrew Damazio

Hey, this is Andrew Damasio, the lead pastor of Rose Church here in Portland, Oregon.

Welcome to our podcast.

Our mission here at Rose is building a big people.

Becoming like Jesus in community while growing in our faith.

Whoever you are, wherever you are, I pray today's message challenges you and encourages you on your walk with Jesus.

Thank you so much for listening.

Enjoy today's podcast.

We are in a series that this is week number two called that we're calling Art of the Table.

The art of the table.

And uh we are talking for the next number of weeks, all things relationships.

All things relationships, all the different aspects of relationships.

And the reason why we call it that is because a lot of them happen around a table.

Marriage and friends and dating and connect groups and laughter, and so much happens around a table.

And there's an art to it.

There's an art to growing these relationships and cultivating these relationships.

Relationships do not just happen, they are cultivated, uh, they are created, they are built.

And so last week we talked about marriage with Pastor Craig and Moni, uh, they're here last week and kind of uh co-taught together about uh marriage, uh specifically about marriages that pray together.

Incredibly simple word, but I think deeply profound and very important that marriages are praying together and believing together and praying uh with each other is significantly important.

And today uh we're gonna be talking about singleness, about singleness.

But uh, married folk, do not uh uh zoom out and uh I need you.

This is still gonna be about marriage.

We're gonna talk about both, but it's really gonna be about singleness.

But so all the married folk don't back out, uh pay attention, it's gonna be for you as well.

Just out of curiosity, just so I know who I am talking to today, um, if you were in the room, I didn't even say single yet, and he said yes.

I didn't even say the word yet, and he's like, yep, yep.

If you're in the room today and you are single, what I mean by single is not married.

Okay?

So in biblical terms, either you're married or you're not.

There is there was no dating in the New Testament, there was no courting, there was no like we're dating.

It was like you're married or you're single.

So, now some people are like, well, I'm dating, so I guess I act like I'm single.

No, that's not what I said, okay?

Like, I'm gonna I'm gonna respond to some DMs later today, then, because apparently I'm single.

Not what I said, okay?

I just mean either you're married or you're not.

So all the single folk in the room, all the single folk, you put your hand up, all the single folk, non-married.

Dear Lord.

It's like 85% of our church is just not married.

Keep your hand up.

I don't know, look around for a bit.

Check your pew.

Maybe when it comes to some guys are actually like, yeah, what's up?

So let's worship's coming back.

Take some holy looks during worship, see who's really serving the Lord or not.

Um many are dating, though?

You are in a dating relationship, you're dating in a oh, just a few of you.

Okay, a lot of single people then.

All right.

All the married folk in the room.

All right.

Um today, I want to teach on the theology of singleness.

Not just a thought on singleness, not just your current TikTok viral video about singleness, not just some vogue, like, you know, editorial, you know, thing.

I want to teach on the theology of singleness and how we as believers, if you are one today, if you're not a believer today, uh, this is a great, great time to sit back and listen to what we believe the gospel teaches us about about singleness and about marriage, about sexuality, about all the type of things in our relationship.

So today we're talking about the theology of singleness.

We're gonna go to 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

It'll be on the screen for you.

You challenge you to take some notes down, write some things down, read with me.

We're gonna read 10 verses today.

And the book of Corinth, uh, first 2 Corinthians, we know that there's actually three or four, maybe five.

We don't have the other books, but we know that this church in the city of Corinth, and Corinth is like Portland, Vegas, Amsterdam, like Corinth is a wild city.

If you think that we are crazy right now, read about the city of Corinth in the ancient world.

I mean, it is a bizarre city.

And there's a church there that is growing, and this church and the apostle Paul, their pastor, are writing letters back and forth.

And uh apparently they have written him a letter, asking him a bunch of questions.

If you notice in 1 Corinthians, he every section starts with, now regarding the thing you asked about communion, about worship, about sexuality, about marriage, about singleness.

So he's he's responding to some questions.

And so apparently, uh, this church has has wrote, has written him a letter asking some questions about singleness.

And this is 10 verses, again, not just about singleness, also about dating.

Or sorry, about marriage.

You'll see both.

So all the married folk in the room, pay attention, all the single folk in the room pay attention.

This 10 verses is about both and how we should view both of them.

Says this.

Now, regarding your question about the young women, now if you're reading the NIV or the ESV, it will say about the virgins, um, which I will deal with uh next week, how how the Bible talks about people who are pre-married or not married or not even in a courtship and how the Bible views them.

We'll deal with that next week.

But he says, now regarding the question about the young women who are not yet married, I do not have a command from the Lord for them, but the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you.

Because of this present crisis, I will fill you into what this present crisis is in a little bit.

Because of this present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are.

If you have a wife, do not seek to end the marriage.

If you do not have a wife, do not seek to be married.

But if you do get married, it's not a sin.

This is like a the Riddler or something.

It's like married, not married, sin, not sin.

If you do get married, it's not a sin.

And if a young woman who gets married, it's not a sin either.

However, I love this.

Uh however, those who get married at this time will have troubles.

And I'm trying to spare you from those problems.

Thank you.

But let me tell you this, dear brothers and sisters.

This is so important.

This phrase will end here in about 30, 40 minutes.

He says, the time that remains is very short.

So from now on, those with wives should not only focus on their marriage, and those who weep or rejoice or buy things should not be absorbed by their weeping and by their joy and by their possessions.

Those who use the things of this world should not become attached to them.

For this world, as we know it, will soon pass away.

I want you to be free from the concerns of this life.

An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him.

But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife.

All the wives said.

But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.

All the husband said, What's called some prayer?

Lord, we thank you for.

I'm saying this for your benefit.

Not to place restrictions on it.

Look at this, look at this last sentence.

It's so important.

I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord the best.

Married folk?

Single folk.

He's like, whatever you do, I want you to make a decision for whatever will help you serve the Lord the best.

With as few restrictions as possible.

With as few restrictions as possible.

I'm gonna take this off real quick.

It's gonna get really hot up here.

Okay.

Now, whether you were raised in church or not, um maybe maybe you're aware of this or not, but there is an undercurrent in a lot of evangelical churches in America, maybe the West.

And it's this that there's a very real current between those who are married and those who are single.

Uh married folk hang out with married folk.

Single folk hang out with their single friends.

Um, even when we do church events, right?

If we do you know a number of pop-ups that are more single, young marriage, young dating uh perspective, all the married's like, where's our stuff?

Like, where's all the married and kids stuff?

You know, last year we did a whole like marriage weekend, all the singles were like, where's our dating?

Where's our singles night out?

Where's our you know, young adults gathering, where's our whatever?

So even like when church world and series and in church conversations, there there is a divide, whether you recognize it or not, there is a divide between those who are married and those that are single.

And this divide is not new, unfortunately, but there is a better way that you and I are supposed to go about this family.

Because by the way, this church is not just a church, it's the family of God.

And so we are full of brothers and sisters and moms and dads and uncles and aunts.

Like we are supposed to function like an actual family here on earth, representing the family of God.

And there's a really obscure verse in Romans 16.

I want you to see, um, it's the very end of the book.

There's only 16 chapters.

All of chapter 16, Paul is saying, say so-and-so high, and so-and-so high, and I'm saying so-and-so.

And Paul is an Ephesus, he is sending Priscilla and Aquila, who are this married couple who are significant figures to the early church, the first 10, 20 years of the early church post-Jesus.

And look what he says.

I want you to greet Priscilla and Aquila, my co-workers in Christ Jesus, for they risked their lives for me.

Another translation says they stuck their neck out for me.

And many historians and theologians actually believe that Paul, what Paul is saying, because Paul, as we're reading today, who wrote 1 Corinthians, is a single man, a Jewish single man, who has chosen not to be married.

And by the ancient world, in the first hundred years of antiquity in Jewish culture, you get married.

That is what you're on this earth to do.

Get married and procreate.

That is it.

And Paul is a single man who is our leading scholar of the New Testament.

And look at a married couple has stuck their neck out for him.

This is important.

A married couple made room for a single man.

He's like, I want to thank Pursuant of Quote for sticking their neck out for me and saving my life in ministry.

So this is an amazing verse that picture that this is how the church is supposed to function.

The married folk sticking their neck out for the single folk, the single folk in relationship with the married folk.

Look at it says we are co-workers in Christ.

It is not us and them.

We are together, those that are married and those that are single.

We are co-workers in Christ, and we should be doing this together.

But the ten verses that we just read, friends, are significant verses about the Christian worldview and theology of singleness and marriage.

Maybe you're new to Jesus, maybe you're not a Christian at all.

Maybe you're coming with a friend or neighbor, you just walked in today.

Maybe you come for a few months and you're like, man, I love Rose.

Man, God's really changing my life.

That's great, but you must understand this today.

When you start serving Jesus, he does not just change your life, he changes how you think.

There's a verse in College that says, make sure you think like Christ.

He does not say, make sure you think of Christ, which is super important, you should think of Christ.

But when you begin to serve Jesus, the gospel does not just change your life, it changes how you think.

Or in our terminology, your worldview.

How you view your body, sexuality, money, jobs, friends, marriage, the church, government, neighbors, the poor, everything.

When you start serving Jesus, you think differently now.

And if you want to be a frustrated Christian for the rest of your life, start serving Jesus and keep your old worldview.

Because those two things will be at war within you.

Jesus is like, hey, this is how I think about them.

No, this is how I was raised to think about them.

Well, this is how I think about my body.

Well, my mom told me this is how I think about my body.

No, when you start serving Jesus, he also changes how you think.

And your worldview.

These ten verses are as significant ten verses about our worldview and theology of marriage and singleness.

Because this is the reality, uh, maybe just some from some sweeping terms, but they're still true to this day.

We are raised in either a western mindset or eastern mindset.

Western being Europe and over, Eastern being that, eastern being that side, but more than that, simpler terms, traditional and modern.

We're raised in one of these two ideologies or cultures, a modern or a traditional.

And the gospel comes to offend both of those.

About singleness and marriage.

Number one, you can write this down.

Look at Western cultures, which is what we are formed in, make an idol out of out of your individualism.

Your individualism.

That is why in the Western world, especially in America, especially progressive cities in America, people are getting married older and older and older.

They're not getting married in their 20s anymore.

It is now late 20s, early 30s, and 40s.

Why?

Because I want to get my career going.

I'm gonna save my money, I'm gonna climb the ladder, I'm gonna get safe financially, I'm gonna live where I want to live and buy the home I want to live in and kind of live my life.

I want to travel and I want to backpack and I want to go on vacation.

It is extreme individualism.

So much so that this is real.

I saw an article the other day and I was talking to my PhD professor about it last week.

Uh, there's a new um uh subculture of of uh Western civilization right now, but really in America, that there are people wanting to pass laws that it is abusive to have children.

It should be viewed as child abuse.

Because they believe that the world is so evil and so harmful, it is cruel to bring children into the world.

This is real.

And they also believe that children interrupt an adult's happiness, which is true.

Let's be honest about that for a second.

Not wrong, not fully right.

Um where is that coming from?

This extreme individualism, self-autonomy, self-identified.

It is a Western mindset that it is me and mine, and I will only get married if he or she fulfills me, brings finances to the table, helps me uh further in my job, helps me open doors for me.

It's almost like we marry networking partners.

Who can further my aim?

This is the Western world of extreme individualism.

The kingdom destroys that.

Or you're raised in an eastern one where eastern cultures make an idol out of your family.

If you were raised in an Asian, African, or Latin American family that is still core traditionally, this is how you were raised.

You were nothing till you get married.

You're a freak if you're 29 and single.

This is why some of you don't go home for Thanksgiving break anymore.

Because you're tired of your mom sitting you down going, are we there yet?

Have you found someone?

Your body's ticking.

Come on, we gotta get some grandkids going.

We need, right?

Because what?

We didn't the the Eastern world doesn't make an idol out of your self-autonomy.

The eastern world makes an idol about your family.

Where you come from, you're married with kids.

It is an absolute idol.

You are no one without your family.

You are nobody without a spouse.

You've contributed nothing if you haven't had multiple kids.

You have not added to society till you get married and have children.

It is an idol, and this is the thing you must write down.

The kingdom of God decenters both idols.

Both.

The kingdom of God has a higher view of marriage than the West and a higher view of singleness than the East.

Because this is the thing you must understand.

When you start serving the kingdom, you have to leave yours.

So the gospel offends the far left, the gospel offends the far right, the gospel offends the traditionalists, the gospel offends the modernists, the gospel makes its own kingdom.

And you have to leave your kingdom and join it.

And the gospel and the kingdom of God has a high view of marriage.

When you read this text, you're like, man, is Paul upset?

Is he having a bad day?

Is he like really anti-marriage?

No, read Ephesians 5.

He is a high view of marriage.

I mean, so much so he says, when a man and woman get married, it is like Jesus and his church.

Like, it is a high view of marriage.

So Paul's not anti-marriage.

He's trying to elevate the view of singleness to the same level of marriage.

And the kingdom destroys both idols.

Timothy Cowler says this.

Again, are you okay?

This is a theology of singleness.

This is not just some random talk on singleness or how singles should act.

This is a theology how the Bible addresses singleness.

Timothy Cower says this.

Single people cannot live their lives well as singles without a balanced and informed view of marriage.

If they do not have that, they will either over-desire or under-desire marriage.

And either of those ways of thinking will distort their lives.

Both.

A high overview, I'm nothing, I need to get married, ASAP.

You have an overview of marriage.

Or it's, I will never, my body is mine, and I have my own future.

No, you have a low view of marriage.

And we need to have our idols decentered and have the kingdom recentered in our life.

And this text, these ten verses, are about God and about how he views singleness and marriage.

I want to give you three things today, and then a list of ten things I think singles should consider, but three things I want you to see from this text.

Number one, I want to talk about the gift of singleness.

The gift.

No one ever goes, oh, what a gift.

It's not how we talk to each other.

If you met a 35-year-old, that guy I'm single, you go, oh.

It's like, oh, you you poor thing, right?

Like, we don't meet a single person and go, man, what a gift.

But Paul does.

These 10 verses, Paul does not go, hey, to the people that don't want to be married.

What are you doing?

This is the zenith moment of life.

You should get married.

What are you talking about?

This is so good for you.

You don't want to get married?

Good.

It's okay.

You're not sinning.

And he goes on to say, it is a gift.

Singleness is a gift.

There is not one verse, there is not one notion from Paul, Peter, Jesus, James, John.

Does not matter.

Any language in the New Testament, none of it pitches singleness as a curse.

Not one verse pitches it as something to be fixed.

Not one verse in the New Testament does the Bible view single people as half a human.

Living half a life.

Let me write this down.

Singleness is not spiritual purgatory.

A place where you wait for your real life to start.

All the married folk, we we we kind of treat singles that way, don't we?

Are you single yet?

Are you still single?

Not married yet?

Oh, one day.

We're really praying for you in this season to find someone.

As if they're in a holding pattern of joy.

As if they're in a holding pattern of happiness.

And we actually subconsciously, we don't want to say this because we don't think it, but we do, like, oh, one day, honey.

One day, bro, you're gonna find.

As if they're in spiritual purgatory, awaiting to really live their life.

One day they'll finally be a full human.

One day they'll really be fulfilled in this life.

It's almost like we put the destination of happiness in marriage.

Do you see in the opening verse that I told you to pay attention to, he says, not regarding the question about the virgins or the girls that are not married?

They don't have to be married.

Good for them.

Let them be single.

What is happening here?

Well, many scholars and theologians and historians say that what's happening is in the letter previously that they must have written to Paul asking a question, this must be going on.

This is a ton of people's best guess at what's going on.

Friends, remove yourself from Portland, from the West, from 2026.

Try to put yourself in the year 46 AD.

Jesus just ascended, and you're a woman.

You know this, if you know Roman history, a woman is a subhuman.

They are so far down the totem pole.

Like, animals and land are more important than women.

In the ancient mind, a woman was there to bear children, and you pray to God they better be sons.

So you can further your name, protect your land, and make sure that your household survives.

That is the goal of a woman.

That is it.

They cannot read, they cannot write, they cannot pursue a job.

They are a subhuman in the in the Roman ancient mind, which, by the way, Christianity was the first religion ever to give women their dignity back.

By far, Christianity was the first religion and worldview to give women their dignity back.

So apparently, what's happening is a bunch of young women have been saved and have told their pastor, I don't want to get married.

I want to serve the Lord by myself.

And apparently a bunch of guys in the church are going, These girls gotta get married.

And to me, like apparently, there's some girls at church, they're like, I don't want to date.

I don't want to get married, I'm gonna serve the Lord.

And some guys are like, No, no, no, no, no, we get married here.

This is the Jewish way, and so they're asking their pastor, going, Can I can I just serve the Lord by myself?

And Bible goes, Good for you.

What a gift, friends.

Your season, all the majority of this room, about 90% of this room, that is in a single season of life, what a gift.

You're not in a waiting pattern.

You're not living half a life.

You're not living half a fulfillment.

You're not waiting for something better to come.

You are in a profoundly perfect and amazing season that the Bible does not call purgatory, it calls it a gift.

So much so, Stanley Horrowas, a Duke University theologian and professor who just passed away actually a year or two ago.

He says this in his huge historical book about the Roman Empire in the first hundred years.

He says this Christianity was the first worldview or religion that taught that single adulthood is a viable way of life.

The first, that's that's a pretty significant phrase.

The first religion or worldview saying, Oh, that you want to be a single adult, that's a great way to live.

Rodney Stark, another great historian who just passed away, he wrote a significant historian book uh called The Rise of Christianity on the first hundred years of the Roman Empire, uh, of Christianity, how the Christianity destroyed the Roman Empire and how everything changed in Constantine and 13, 13 and this whole thing.

And um he he writes in there because we have some some parchment, some documents that have found laws from uh Caesar Augustine, who was the was the Cedar after Jesus uh ascended back to heaven.

And there was a law.

Augustine made a law of the Roman Empire.

If a young woman loses her husband due to war, famine, or sickness, she must get married by law within the next two years.

By law.

Because he says women need to contribute to society.

So imagine hearing that law from your Roman Caesar saying, women, your only job here is to contribute to society, and then you get saved, and your savior goes, Oh no, I can have you all by myself.

Imagine the dichotomy and change of worldview.

You go, I don't have to get married, I don't have to bear children to be important, I can serve the Lord with my own body by myself.

And Paul's like, absolutely, what a gift.

You're not in a cursed season, you're not in a purgatory season, you're not living half a life, you're not waiting for some better future to come.

Singleness is a gift.

Why?

Number two, I want to talk about the fruitfulness of singleness.

The fruitfulness.

Why is it a gift?

What is the gift giving me?

Time to be fruitful.

This happened to me literally last week, two weeks ago.

I sent Julia, my wife Julia, and our daughter Quinn to New York for uh four days on a little girls' trip.

And uh then I sent my oldest son, um uh, he flew to Indiana by himself for the first time, traveled by himself uh to some of his best friend's house that just moved to Indiana.

So he flew to go see Kai and Cannon, and then I had my youngest son, who'd be five here in a few weeks, and had him with my mom a lot and some babysitters.

I had four days to myself.

It was the greatest four days of my life.

But this is seriously shocking.

Do you know how much stuff I got done?

I wrote two papers for school, I cleaned the house, I studied for sermons, I met with some people, I had a long staff meeting, I was fruitful.

Why?

Because my interests weren't divided.

Paul is not destroying marriage, he's being honest about marriage.

If you get married, you have earthly responsibilities.

It's called your wife and husband, it's called kids, bills, backyard, daddy.

I'm hungry.

Can I go to my friend's house?

Can we do that?

Like it's my interests are divided.

What is Paul saying?

If you remain single, you can live a fruitful life for the Lord.

Look what he says in verse 32, 33.

An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him.

But a married man has to think about all of his earthly responsibilities, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided.

In the same way a woman who is no longer married has ever been married can devote herself to the Lord.

You and your singleness right now, why is it a gift?

You can be fruitful.

But notice what you can be fruitful with serving the Lord, not being out in these streets.

You uh yes and amen.

He's not saying something like, bro, I like this pastor.

Singleness is a gift.

I got time, I got different relationships, I got different phones and numbers and DMs, I can do that.

Man, I love singleness.

I like this pastor.

Not what I'm talking about.

The gift of singleness is not to be out in these absent in these streets and wasting your time.

It's that you didn't have time to serve the Lord.

That's the frivolous.

That is the gift of being single.

I have time to serve the house, build the kingdom, further the mission, serve the Lord.

Now, some of you are like, wait a minute.

I was raised in church.

Ding, ding, ding.

Something's going off back here, going, whoa, whoa, whoa, the Bible says in Genesis 1 that man and woman were supposed to be fruitful, multiply.

I was raised in church.

I heard my pastor say all the time, I get married and have kids to be fruitful, multiply.

Thank you for asking that.

Thank you for bringing it up.

Let's go there.

Genesis 1.

So God created human beings in his own image.

In the image of God, he created them, male and female, he created them.

Then God blessed them and said, Be fruitful and multiply.

See, Pastor, it takes a man and the woman.

You have to be married, you have to have kids, you gotta multiply.

This is what scholars call the Dynic call.

This is the call of every human being to get married and multiply.

I get what you're saying, I understand where you're coming from, but biblical order of words matters.

The Bible does not say that God looks at them and says, be multiplying and fruitful.

He says, be fruitful and then multiply.

Write this down.

Why does that matter?

Because not everyone is expected to multiply, but everyone is expected to be fruitful.

There's some married folk in the room, you can't have children maybe because of biology, or maybe because you chose not to.

You've been married for 30 years, we're just not gonna have kids.

We're not gonna multiply.

But it does not matter if you multiply your seed, you're supposed to be fruitful in your life.

That is the call of every single human being on this planet.

You might not multiply, but you better be fruitful.

That is the call of every human being to be fruitful.

Why?

Because single people can't multiply, but they can't be fruitful.

That's why it came first.

Be fruitful and multiply.

Look at Colossians 1, verse 6.

Colossians 1:6

The same good news that has come to you, that's now going all over the world.

It is bearing fruit.

It does not say it's multiplying.

It says it's bearing fruit.

Jump down to verse 10.

Then the way you will live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good, not good multiplication.

Fruit.

The gospel in our life is supposed to be bearing fruit in the earth.

So my question to every one of you in a single season right now, I want you to think about this really, really deeply.

Am I being fruitful right now?

Are you being fruitful with your time?

With your money?

With your opportunities, with your days and hours.

Are you being fruitful?

It's like, man, I'm 23.

I'm out here just living my life.

I'll become more disciplined when I get older.

That's not how that works.

You don't wake up one day and decide to be disciplined.

You cultivate discipline.

You sow discipline day after day.

It's like I'm 25.

I'm tired of living my life, and when I get 40, I'll start being disciplined, I'll start being fruitful.

No, you will not be.

And this is a fact.

If you ask every married person in this room, they will look back on their single life and go, man, I wasted a lot of time.

I wasted money, I wasted time, I wasted opportunities.

I could have done so much more.

See, some of you are like, I'm really busy, wait till you get married.

Some of you are like, I have no money, wait till you have kids.

Some of you are like, I'm super patient, wait till you get married.

You think you have the fruit of the spirit right now, wait till your husband leaves his wet towel on the bed for the fifth time.

I don't do that, I'm just thinking of guys that do that.

Wait till your wife interrupts you when you're mid-paper and you're on a stream of consciousness.

Like, can we talk right now?

Don't defend her.

You're not even a part of this conversation.

I'm serious, man.

You look back on your single life and go, I had more money than I thought.

I had more time than I thought.

I had more energy than I realized.

I should have capitalized on that season.

Why is singleness a gift?

Because you can be fruitful.

Not for the streets, not for your job, not for your company, for the Lord.

You get to further the kingdom, further the mission, because you have time to be fruitful.

Every single person, ask yourself, am I being fruitful?

I want you to, we're gonna put this question on the screen here in a second.

I seriously want you to consider it.

Deep and wide.

If being single is a sign of being unfulfilled and unproductive, then what does that say about the life of Jesus?

Seriously, think about that.

If married folk view singles as people that are unproductive and unfulfilled, what does that say about Jesus?

Who was the most fulfilled and the most productive human being that's ever walked the face of the earth?

So singleness is not about multiplying your seed per se.

And you have to get married, but you better be fruitful in this life.

And understand that you can be fully fulfilled as a single person.

Which also I'll deal with next week is the lie of sex that is the height of fulfillment.

If sexual intercourse is the height of fulfillment, then Jesus was very unfulfilled.

We'll deal with that next week.

Don't skip church.

Sex is awesome, but put it in its place.

Marriage is awesome, put it in its place.

Single this is awesome, let's put it in its place.

I'm called to be fruitful.

The dictionary, Biblical Imager, one of my favorite commentaries on the Bible, it says this.

Ultimately, the kingdom belongs to those who bear its fruit or produce its fruit.

Ultimately, the kingdom belongs to those who produce its fruit.

Bruce Wilkerson says this.

Bearing fruit is not some unique phenomenon reserved for certain kinds of Christians.

It is the destiny of every believer.

If Jesus chose us for abundance, expects abundance, and created us to deeply desire it, how can we ever find fulfillment in a half-empty basket?

Fruitfulness.

Why is Paul saying singleness is a gift?

Because you get to be fruitful with your time with serving the Lord.

Marriage?

The way that God forms us in marriage, he can never do it in singleness.

There's ways that your spouse will form you that being single will never happen.

And there are things that Jesus does while you're single that can never happen when you're married.

Both seasons, God is forming you and his image in different ways.

But what's hard is so many single people are obsessed with finding someone, not becoming someone.

They spend all of their time and energy having their list of who they want while they remain unfruitful.

So singleness is a gift.

Why?

Because I can be fruitful.

Third, I want to land here, then we'll read some things and we're gonna laugh together and we'll go into worship.

I want to put the longing of singleness.

The longing.

Because some of you are like, hey, Pastor, this is super cute, sermon, but I want to get married.

It was a gift when I was 24.

I'm 38.

This gift is now a thorn, and I want to be married.

That's great.

That's a good longing.

Do not let the Western world tell you that's an abusive longing.

You longing to wanting to get married is a good longing.

And don't let the Eastern side tell you if you want to be remain single, that's bad too.

There is a longing of a single person.

And I want to speak to all those that long to be married.

That's a good longing.

Marriage is awesome.

It's great.

It's hard.

But it's an awesome thing for you to desire to have companions and intimacy and this relationship that you are longing for.

That's good.

But hear me.

Even every married person in the room, you should have this same longing.

Pastor, what are you talking about?

I'm married.

I know that.

But there is a better marriage coming.

When you read the book of Revelation, the Bible says that as eternity starts, as the new Jerusalem comes down, and the old life has passed away and the new life comes, read the book of Revelation.

It says that how eternity starts is with a marriage, wedding, and supper.

And the Bible says this supper has so much wine and food, and we're enjoying it so much, we will not recognize how much time has gone by.

So to all those in the room that are single and you're like, I really want to have a wedding one day, you will.

I want to experience that dynamic of a bride and groom.

Oh, you will.

At the highest level.

So even every married couple in the room, you should still have the longing of, I want to be really married one day.

Because this marriage is a mirror to such to the reality itself.

This marriage is cosplay, if you will.

This marriage is a pseudo-christian.

This marriage is simply getting me prepared for the real one that's coming.

And one day, that longing, even in married people, should still be there.

Knowing that we are on our way home to a real marriage with a real bride and a real groom and a real family and a real wedding.

That longing is good.

But notice what he says.

Two things, and we'll end here in a second.

Go back to where he says uh verse 29.

I told you to circle this.

But let me say this here, brothers and sisters the time remains short.

Because the time is short from now on, those with wives shouldn't only focus on their marriage and those who weep and those who rejoice and those who buy things.

Do you see what he's saying?

Hey, get married, that's cool.

But don't be absorbed with it.

Weep, that's fine, don't be obsessed with it.

Buy things, that's fine, don't be obsessed.

You see what he's doing?

Hey, that's the world is gonna happen.

Buy, sell, laugh, cry, be married single.

Whatever, put it in perspective, time is short.

Married people, time is short.

Single people, time is short.

Those who are weeping, time is short.

Those who have joy, just remind yourself, time is short.

And I long to be in a marriage or relationship.

I long for that.

That's good.

Let me write this down.

Singles that cannot find fulfillment now won't find it in marriage later.

I promise you.

If you think that marriage is just gonna be some like switch that goes on that I was never fulfilled, got married, had sex, now I am, you are lying to yourself.

And all the marriages in the room would tell you so.

If you can't find fulfillment in God when you're single, you will not find in Him when you get married.

So you need to learn how to be single and also cure to this longing that you have.

So I'm gonna give you 10 things today, really quick, line by line, ten things for all those in the room that are single and want to get married, want to be in a relationship, and that longing is very real.

Here's just ten submission ideas to you.

I can have a lot, lot longer list.

I could do a whole sermon on this, but here's just ten really quick things.

Number one, only date someone pursuing the Lord seriously.

That word seriously is kind of important.

I don't mean the guy that will go to church with you for Easter and Christmas, you're welcome.

I don't mean the guy that will, or the girl that will come to church with you twice a year just cuz.

I mean you should marry someone that is seriously pursuing the Lord.

I am not a proponent of missionary dating.

Rick, but he's so hot.

If I just get him to church and he loves the Lord, that's the one I want.

And I'm just gonna date him and I'm just gonna believe God is gonna capture his heart one day.

Listen, friend, if he starts loving the Lord because of you, he will stop loving the Lord because of you.

Missionary dating does not work.

It has, but that is that's not the rule, it's the exception.

I've seen it work, and God's favor is great.

God's grace is awesome, but that's not how this works.

Date someone, pursue someone that is seriously pursuing the Lord.

Number two, get your community's input.

Hey, I think we're asking this girl on a date.

Do you know her?

Have you been around her?

Have you served with her?

What do you think?

Do you think we'd be a good match?

What do you think?

Am I in the right season?

She's like, ask your friends.

Ask your friends.

And this is why it's so important to choose the right friends.

It's like, bro, he's great, go for it.

Like, all right, I need some new friends.

Um, this is why your community matters so much.

Ask your pastors.

Ask your connect leaders.

Hey, what do you think?

Bro, I'm 45 years old.

So you have no blind spots?

So age removes blind spots.

I know you're a grown man.

I know you're a grown woman.

That does not excuse you from getting wisdom from those around you.

It just that's not a demeaning thing.

That's like I'm not a child.

You're not a child.

You're 35 years old, you're a grown man, you have money and a mortgage and a job.

I get it.

That doesn't excuse us from getting input into our life.

From community brothers and sisters, hey, what do you think, man?

Do you think she good fit?

Do you think she gets your community involved?

Number three, don't allow it to be private.

Anyone in the room today that's dating somebody that that loves keeping your relationship private?

Baby, baby, baby, it's just us.

No, girl, I'm a I'm a private man.

No one needs to know our stuff.

We don't gotta post pictures, we don't gotta post some stuff, it's just me and you, girl.

Just don't worry about it.

Bro, you are dating a player, I promise you.

I promise you.

If you're sitting next to him, my bad.

But I'm not sorry.

Um one that seriously loves something wants it to be in private.

Anything.

A movie, a restaurant, anything.

We are public with our love.

That is our DNA as human beings.

So if you're dating someone that only wants to remain private and secret, get out ASAP.

Red flag.

47 red flags.

Red building, red state, red, like, get out! Don't let it be private.

Number four, don't be so picky.

I don't mean settling, like, hey, you love the Lord?

Fine, you'll do.

Let's go.

All right.

I've seen worse.

Come on, let's go.

I've dated worse.

Let's go, dude.

Whatever.

Like, I'm not saying you settle and just like close your eyes and iny meeny miny mo.

It's like, oh, whatever, she'll do.

That's not what I'm saying.

I'm not saying you settle.

I'm not saying you don't care about looks.

Baby, you better you have to wake up to that person every morning for the rest of your life.

You better like what you're looking at, okay?

So, like, I'm not saying that stuff doesn't matter.

But I'm saying like sometimes we get so picky.

I want 6'5, I want PhD, I want model, I want college athlete, I want a 200,000.

Like, well, okay, let's you're gonna be single for a long time, right?

Like, let's let's be more realistic and stop being and stop being so picky.

Because there are some people that you might have seriously divine chemistry with.

That you might overlook, like, oh, we'd never get along.

You've no idea.

Don't be so picky.

Number five, be honest if it's not working out.

Don't ghost people.

If you go on four or five dates and you're like, it's just not working out.

You're a grown adult, my guy.

Say that to her.

Don't just switch services and think you're gonna avoid her.

Don't just delete her number and then not text back.

Like, sit that girl guy down.

Hey, you know, it's been a couple dates, it's not going where I thought it was gonna go.

Thank you so much, but I'd like to not do this anymore.

Say if it's not working out, be honest about that.

Number six, put yourself out there.

That's not what I mean.

How about we reel that back in a little bit and put ourselves less out there?

You know what I mean?

Like, don't be so closed off.

Don't be so removed from connect groups and church and society.

Don't don't be so removed, like, oh no one else when I date.

Because you're not out there, you're not in interacting.

So put put yourself out there.

Number seven, take it slow.

You're not getting married after two days.

And don't say that God told you so either.

You're weird, dude.

Like, hey, I know it's been 10 days, but the Lord told you you're mine.

No, I don't think so.

I don't think so.

Go slow.

Work it out.

Also, for all the married folk that see our single friends out in the world dating.

If it's a first date, hey guys, first date, huh?

Get married, yes or no?

Like, let's let them work out their relationship.

Take it slow.

Number eight.

Take sexual holiness seriously.

Yep.

I am that guy.

I am the guy that believes in the scriptures.

About sexuality, about our bodies.

I'll talk about that next week.

Don't skip church.

You should be here.

But take sexuality seriously.

Why?

It's so important.

Because if you keep your hands to yourself and mind your body and hers, when you break up, you can still honor her.

You don't have to leave the church when you guys break up.

You don't have to avoid kinecribs when you break up.

It's like, no, no, no.

We dated for six months.

We broke up, wasn't working.

But she's a sister in the faith, and I love her.

I crossed no lines in my heart with my body with her.

I can see her, I can support her, I can be, I don't have to leave the church now because I guarded my body and hers.

Number nine, has to be said.

Don't date multiple people at the same time.

You're sketchy.

My god, you dated half the Kinet group.

Let's take a break for a little bit.

Like, let's let's not go on some dates this week.

You know, like it has to be said.

Be be have integrity with who you're pursuing, who you're talking to.

Don't be talking to 37 people, like waiting for one of them to respond.

Like, have integrity.

Have character and a backbone on who you're pursuing and why.

Number 10, and the most important one I could ever say to you.

Do not, under any circumstance, date someone who went to Oregon State, likes Oregon State, or cheers for Oregon State.

That relationship has a faulty foundation.

I'm just trying to help you out.

You want a healthy marriage?

I'm telling you how.

Last thing, last thing that's super important.

Here's some who Pastor, who do I avoid?

Who should I never date?

Who should I never even entertain dating?

Great question.

I have a verse for you.

These people you should never date.

And this is in the Bible.

Don't get mad at me.

If you don't like this verse, email God.

Proverbs 35, verse 2.

It is not wise to date someone who likes grape jelly in their PBJ sandwiches.

The Lord only favors strawberry jelly.

It's in the Bible.

Proverbs 35, too.

Wait a minute.

Proverbs ends it, chapter 31.

Yes, that's the joke, okay?

Grape jelly's great, just not on a peanut butter jelly sandwich.

It's not allowed.

It's not allowed.

Raspberry is the second option.

You can do raspberry, but grape is too far.

Alright.

Single people.

You're in a season that is an absolute gift.

Gift.

Not a curse, not purgatory.

Your life is not on pause.

For all the single people in the room, you are in a moment that is an absolute gift.

Second, you can be fruitful.

I mean fulfilled.

I mean furthering joy, the kingdom, your life, relationships, friendships.

If Jesus was not fulfilled as a single person, then what are we doing?

You be fruitful, fruitful in this season.

And last, if that longing is there, that's a good longing.

That's a biblical longing.

It's a good thing that you long to be married.

Those are just 10 quick, funny, but you know, a few of them serious ways of like, you need to consider how you go about dating, how you go about looking for a spouse, looking for a relationship.

There's much more we can talk about, but take this season seriously.

Don't rush into relationships, don't rush into a marriage.

Guess what happens?

Sometimes singles can be can be lonely for so long, they go back to dysfunctional relationships just to not be alone.

Like, well, if those friends only have with like couples, then I'll get someone just to like be with because we because we don't treat singles correctly.

The church doesn't treat singles correctly, so don't run back to some dysfunctional man that you prayed to get out of.

Why?

Because you're not being fruitful, you're not being fulfilled, you're not pursuing the Lord, using your time wisely to be fruitful and serve the Lord.

And but that longing is good.

That's a healthy longing that you want to be in a relationship.

It's not bad, it's not sinful.

Let's just put it where it should be.

Let's not over-desire it, let's not underdesire it.

Let's put it in its rightful place.

Why?

Because the time is short.

The time is short.

And one day that future wedding, the eternal wedding, will happen.

And we will all be married in one family in eternity, fully together.

So, friends, the time is short.

Let's put our life in perspective.

Let's put the weeping in perspective.

Let's put the joy in perspective.

Let's put the buying in perspective.

Let's put marriage in perspective.

Let's put single, let's put everything in perspective.

Why?

Because time is short.

This is the theology of singleness.

And let us as a church continue to grow in this as our married population grows, as people date, as people get married, and people have as kids.

Let us flourish in this church with married and single folk alike together in one family as brothers and sisters.

If you would like to do so, you can go online to rosechurch.org slash give.

Thank you so much for partnering with us and helping us continue to do what God has put in our hearts here for.