Built, Not Found (1 Samuel 18:1-9, 20:30-34, 41)

All right, So we are continuing our series on the life of David

and we are just about halfway there.

If you guys have been to our church for a while, you will

know that in in June we do something called Pulpit

Exchange. We're three weeks, basically 4

churches. We just rotate pastors for three

weeks. And so until then we will finish

First Samuel by mid mid June. OK, so we have many

relationships, many types of relationships in our lives, but

only a few of them are considered covenantal

relationships. The main 3 for most people will

be our relationship with God, marriage and the church

community. And today I want to focus on the

church community because I feel like our relationship with God.

We talk about that all the time. People are generally, they want

a good relationship with God. They're willing to take seminars

on how to read the Bible to improve their relationship with

God. It's something that people

strive for and you know, marriage as well.

People read books on marriage. They, they do counseling and,

and all of that, but it's not very often that people want to

do something about the, the third area of our covenant

relationships. Not many people want to do

anything about, Hey, I want a deeper relationship with, with,

you know, my church, the body of Christ in the, in the church.

And I think part of it is because maybe we've just had

never deep meaningful relationships in the church.

So we've gotten so little out of them.

Maybe that's just like how maybe we feel like, well, that's just

how it is. And even people who say, well,

Pastor Tim, you know, I have great relationships in the

church. Well, many of those people say

that what they mean is they have friends in the church, which is

a little bit different. Friends are based on some

commonality, some affinity, similar interests, life stage,

you know, kids are friends. But church community, it's not

one of those things that bind us.

It's the fact that we are committed to Christ.

So today's passage shows us through the relationship, you

know, the friendship of David and Jonathan.

This passage shows us the framework to build a meaningful

community. I know it's a story of two

people and you're like, hey, how is that a framework for

community? Well, their covenant, it lasts

for, you know, their descendants as well.

So it's not just for them to that covenant lasts beyond them

to and it goes to their descendants.

SO1 commentator called this a proto community, like a

prototype of a community. He says their covenant

demonstrates in microcosm what a larger covenant community could

look like. So they are a, perhaps a, a, a,

a glimpse of, of the future church communities, what they

could look like. So which leads to the question,

how can we build a meaningful community?

How can we build a meaningful community #1A meaningful

community requires commitment and requires commitment.

Let's turn to First Samuel 18. I know it says one through 9,

but I'm going to read actually just one through 4.

One through 4 when? Oh, and just in case you're kind

of joining us, like in the middle of, you know, all of this

and you're not familiar with the story.

Jonathan is King Saul's son and this is the chapter right after

David and Goliath when David had finished speaking with Saul.

Jonathan was bound to David and close friendship and loved him

as much as he loved himself. Saul kept David with him from

that day on and did not let him return to his father's house.

Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as

much as himself. Then Jonathan removed the robe

he was wearing and give it to David, and along with his

military tunic, his sword, his bow, and his belt.

We'll stop there. A meaningful community requires

commitment. Where do we see that?

It says here Jonathan made a covenant with David.

A covenant. David and Jonathan are one of

the prime examples of a covenantal relationship in the

Bible. Naomi and Ruth might be another

one or would be another one. It says here that Jonathan loved

him as much as he loved himself. We see genuine affection and

it's not just one way either. Later on we we see that they

when they were separating as they wept together though David

wept more now. I don't think all your

friendships and relationships will look this way, but at least

what we could do is find out how we can what it took for their

relationship to look this beautiful.

So the first thing that we see is that Jonathan makes a

covenant with David. This is not a just a casual

friendship. A covenant is a formal binding

process. Covenant is a promise that you

make based on commitment. It is different than a contract.

A contract it's actually based on distrust.

It's saying I don't trust that you're going to keep your words.

So we're going to have this contract and if you break it,

then you're going to have to pay this fine or whatever.

Covenant promise is based on sacrificial loyalty, a loyalty

and commitment regardless of circumstance.

And This is why, because the bar is so high and often covenants

are lifelong. And This is why the bar's so

high. And This is why so few

relationships are defined as a covenantal relationship, just us

and God, marriage and the church.

You could have others, some of you guys are godparents and you

know some of those count too. But very few relations are

defined as covenant. And because like US and God

covenantal relationship for life, like, OK, that makes

sense, marriage, that makes sense.

And I bet at least some of you found it surprising that a

church relationship, church community is elevated to the

same level as the other two. And the fact that we're

surprised by this, it's actually the very reason why we need to

re look at our church relationships.

And this is also the reason why maybe a lot of us don't

experience our our, our church relationships the same way as we

experience other ones. We come to relationships in the

church kind of with the same attitude, how we've always had

relationships, always had friends.

It's based on needs being met, based on, like I said before,

affinity, something that is similar to you.

I want someone who I could hang out with, play golf with,

etcetera. It's not too different than how

people became friends in high school.

I remember going to high school being very worried who my

friends would be and day one I was shocked how so many people

already found like these groups of friends.

I found that later on, but a lot of the sports already started in

the summer and all the sports kids were already or they saw

each other every day in the summer and they're already good

friends by the time school started.

The nerds found each other, the geeks found each other.

The wannabe gangsters with the cars found each other.

Everyone finds somebody like them.

My group of friends who? What kind of friends did I have?

The popular ones? What the jobs?

No, my friends were were people like me, Right?

They. Why are you laughing?

What? What is it?

So who said that? What?

Short? Short and still be like what?

No, I was the shortest one in my friend group.

Thank you all. Our friend was 6 people, all

six. We were born in Korea and raised

here. We spoke in English for the most

part, but about 25% we spoke in Korean.

Somehow we found each other right.

We grew up even at work, You, you, I click with this person

and that person, there's some bonding, some commonality that

you share. And we have the same view of, of

friendships and relationships in the, you know, when we get to

the church and sometimes we look around, hey, there's nobody like

me. Oh, this is not for me.

And, and, and that is a mistake. That is the wrong way of looking

at church relationships. And perhaps that's why we don't

experience in the same way when we started the church 13 years

ago, not just when we started, but throughout we, we always

wrestled with, OK, how, how should our community be formed?

Our small groups are called community groups, CGS to short

And between me and Pastor Esther and then Potter, we probably

read, I don't know, at least 10 books on, on, on small groups.

And we researched churches that are known to have great small

groups and, and we did a lot of work.

Just what, what are other people?

What do other people think of small groups?

What do other, you know, what books say about, you know, the

church community? And what, what we found is the

churches that are growing where people like, oh, they have great

small groups. We even found the church was a

mega church. It's really hard for a mega

church to have a high percentage rate, a participant rate for

small groups. It's really hard.

But this church was really high for a mega church.

We studied what they were doing and what we found kind of almost

universal is that the church that had just great rate of

small groups participation, they made the small groups based on

similarities, same age range, same life stage, same gender.

It, it, it was based on what people were already used to.

And that's actually exactly why we didn't go that way.

We, that's all, that's that's what we think of relationships

all our lives. That's the type of relationship

that we have all our lives everywhere else.

Why not? Why come to church and have the

exact same thing? Why not try something, perhaps

the Bible models for us. We know our church model would

be unpopular, but we we believe that it that was the best

scenario where people could grow.

We gather, we meet, we share, we bond, we love each other.

We care for one another, not because there's some

similarities, but because of our commitment to Christ and his

church. I care for you, you care for me.

Not because our kids are friends, but because you love

Jesus. I love Jesus, meaningful

relationships, deep communities formed.

When people say I'm staying, I'm committed.

Even if the group is awkward, even if the group is moving

slow, even if the group is imperfect, the full of imperfect

people. Commitment gives depth, trust,

bond to any relationship. Surely it gives those things to

community groups as well. It allows you to go to the ups

and downs and instead of the group disappearing, it stays

stronger. If you go to the church and

community group is a struggle or or your group is struggling, it

almost always is because not not always, but almost always it's

because it's a commitment issue. For the most part, you show up,

half the people aren't there. It just doesn't feel the same.

Even my group, when a lot of people are missing, it's just

not the same. The vibrant excitement, it's

just not there. And imagine one day you know

someone shares deeply and then the next week half the people

are not, not not there. Imagine how that person feels

after they share. Oh, maybe they don't care.

And the CGS that are thriving and the people in the groups

where they say, oh, I love my group.

For the most part, it's because they show up, they are

committed, they serve together, they hang out together, they see

each other at church, outside of church.

Some community groups even go to a vacation together.

And that's a lot of commitment. I saw ACG like on vacation

together and I'm like, Hon, can my CG go on vacation together?

I'm like, Oh dear, this is how do I, how do we match up our

schedules? You know, like 6 families and I

realized it, it literally will take every single person in the

group to commit and like, OK, we won't cancel this, we will move

this around. I was like, forget it so much.

The key is everyone is looking for that good community.

First time visitors, people who've been here 13 years, we're

all looking for a great community.

But what we see in the scriptures is that you don't

find it, you build it. You don't find that perfect

community or that community. You build it through commitment.

Too many people are looking, not enough building.

If your commitment depends on how you feel about people,

you'll never stay long enough to experience real deep community.

All right, how can we build a meaningful church community #2

Meaningful community is built through costly sacrifice.

Costly sacrifice. This relationship was costly.

There were sacrifices involved. Let's look at verse 4.

We already read it, but this is what Jonathan had to give up so

that he could keep his covenant, right?

Make this friendship covenant happen.

Verse 4. Then Jonathan removed the robe

he was wearing and gave it to David, along with this military

tunic, his sword, his bow and his belt.

OK, Jonathan is a Prince of Israel, the very first Prince.

His dad is the very first king. So you're thinking, OK, what did

he give up? A robe?

OK, his jacket. Military tuning.

OK, his other jacket, his sword, his bow, his belt.

OK, he's a Prince. I'm sure there were other

weapons lying around. It doesn't feel like he gave up

too much, that it wasn't that costly after all.

I'm no Prince, but I could give up two of my jackets and it

wouldn't be a big loss. They're also 10 years old, but

they just a jacket. Couple things.

It wouldn't be a big deal for the majority of us.

So why, why am I saying that this is a big sacrifice?

Well, for one, that's every, every important piece of being

a, a soldier. You know, if, if it's if you

know anyone in the military, right?

They were meticulous about their, their equipment.

You know, they like clean their gun every day and then shine

their shoes. And it's kind of an athlete who

takes care of, you know, you know, the, you know, his

equipment, They treasure those things.

He gave it to David. And a bigger sacrifice is

actually his robe giving his robe to David was not just here.

Here's my jacket here here on. It's more than that.

See in order for Jonathan to stay friends with David, he had

to give up being a Prince after David and Goliath incident.

Saul asked David to now OK just don't go home that he used to

you know, work part time, but not now you're full time.

You're you're here with me. And the longer they are with

David, it was more clear to them for both of them, for John, for

father and son, Jonathan and Saul, that David was the next

king, that he was anointed. When there's a war and David

will go, he would just destroy everyone.

When Saul is having his headaches and he's going mad,

David plays the harp and then the headaches go away.

It was evident to father and son that this guy was anointed and

he was going to be the next king of Israel.

The more that became clear more upset Saul God, the more he

wanted to kill David. And the more that became clear

Jonathan wanted to up up uphold his covenant with David.

So when he gives his robe to David, he's saying, you know,

what, if I'm Prince and I think I'm going to be the next king,

well, I can't be friends with you because you're going to be

the next king. So he's saying, no, you're the

next king. I'm giving up my earthly

identity so we could be friends. This friendship had both

commitment and sacrifice. There was a cost to this

friendship. And I'm not going to read this.

But later on, Saul gets really mad.

You know, this is chapter 18. And by 20, he just really wants

Isaiah 18 · chapter mention

to murder David, and Jonathan helps David.

So Jonathan sacrifices even more his father's approval, his

safety, his dad throws A spear at him, his safety, his throne.

He gives up all of that for David.

What I'm saying is obviously you don't have to give up your job

or anything like that for community, but all things

attitude, if you have an attitude where community is

costly, it is a costly sacrifice that is part of this covenant,

then how you will act, how you'll feel will be very

different. But most of us, we have this

cost benefit analysis that we do.

We generally live life trying to gain and even in relationships

we would like to gain something. So we treat it like buying

something. You know we bought this church

bought this pen, right? It marks up the screen for

$30.00. I was told original is 100.

This is a the world famous ESR brand.

OK, who who wants Apple? It's all about ESR.

OK, and we want this 30 bucks. Is it worth it?

I used it. Amazon returned it.

No, just keep it. I like it.

I don't think we need the Apple one.

We cannot have that with relationships.

We join a community. Do I like it?

Is it worth my time? Oh, that person's a little

weird. Am I going to get something out

of it? Am I?

I'm spending two hours, 3 hours once a week.

Is it worth it? Am I gaining something out of

it? And that is precisely the wrong

attitude it should be. How can I build this community?

What can I give to this community to build it up?

How can I sacrifice another major cost to having a covenant

community? The more you attend, the more

you realize, oh man, if you're in community groups, I'm forced

to be open and vulnerable. These questions it asks you

like, what are you struggling with?

You know what, what kind of sin are you like he asks you very

personal. And it forces you to be open

almost every week. And that is at times a major

cost to community. Let's read chapter 20, verse 41.

Now this is just one verse. And you see the interaction with

David and Jonathan and they're sharing their heart to each

other. And this is one they have to

separate, right? David has to just run away for

his life. And then and then this is where

they part ways for 41. When the servant had gone, David

got up from the South side of the Stone of Azo, fell face down

to the ground and paid homage 3 times.

Then he and Jonathan kiss each other and wept with each other,

though David wept more. Obviously.

Middle Eastern tradition. You kiss on each cheek, that is

normal. And they wept.

And then David wept even more. Men in the Bible, OK, kiss each

other and then cry together. OK, OK, all right.

No, just kidding. It's being open, reaping and

embracing is the idea of it. Just see each other often

doesn't make relationships meaningful.

Life giving, fulfilling relationships require to be open

and honest. You got to share feelings,

thoughts, struggles to each other.

Being known is part of the cost. Think about your sharing or

maybe your group sharing or whatever.

Most people do surface level sharing, right?

Oh, what's your prayer request? Oh, can you pray for my uncle

who's, you know who has a cold? My, my Co worker, you know who's

going through the hard things? Those are OK, those are fine.

But if that's all you share, then I would have to say that's

shallow, that you're, you're, you're remaining shallow.

I have a busy week. Can you pray for strength?

Those are all OK. I've shared those prayer

requests too. But if that's the deepest you

ever go, then it's shallow. And why do most of us remain

shallow in our sharing? Because we have this desire to

do image control. We hide struggles because we

don't want people to think we're weak or even a bad person.

We have this fear of being judged.

And then we all have this pride where we have this desire to

look kind of put well put together.

I'm doing well, I'm a solid person, and we want to project

that. And sharing what's really going

on in your hearts that kind of ruins your image how people are

going to know that I struggle. Being open, Being vulnerable

means sharing about your struggles, allowing the

community part of your your decisions, allowing them to get

a glimpse of your real life. So if your group is shallow,

well, you start first, you start opening up and others will

follow. I know openness feels risky, but

it's the only path to deep relationships.

Let me close with this. I said be committed.

Be sacrificial. Why is it so hard?

Why don't we live like this? Why isn't that those things

natural? It's because sacrifice feels

like a loss. We don't like losing.

We don't like getting the short end of the stick.

But listen to what Jesus says. Let's put up John 1513 on the

screen. Jesus says this in John 1513.

No one has greater love than this to lay down his life for

his friends. Jesus defines love not as a

feeling, not as just getting along, not as similar interests,

but giving yourself away. And Jesus didn't just say it, He

did it. He didn't just give up his robe.

He died for us on the cross. He didn't just risk his

reputation. He was on the cross with two

criminals. He was mocked the entire time.

He was treated like a criminal. He loves you when you're at your

best and when you're at your worst.

He's done all these things for you and He loves you no matter

what because He's made a covenant with you that He will

forgive you and restore your relationship with God through

the death and resurrection of Jesus.

All we have to do is put our faith and trust in Him.

When you know that what Jesus has done for you, your identity

starts changing. You don't have to be so scared

that somebody might see the real you, because now you're secure

in God's love. They see your sins and

weaknesses. It doesn't matter.

I'm fully loved and accepted by my Lord.

You don't have to do the math. Is it worth it?

Is it worth it because you know that what Jesus has done for you

was so sacrificial? You've experienced grace, so

much grace. Then you're no longer doing the

math because you have received so much already.

When you know these things as truth, you can't commit.

You can't sacrifice because you are known, because you are

loved, because you are God's beloved.

Main point. Meaningful relationships are not

found. They are built through

commitment and sacrifice. Let's take time to pray.