Messy Church: Return To Our First Love (Wanda Walborn)

Andrew Meher: you want to give you a word from our sponsor, which is a joke, but, in power I have been with for 14 years. So in the midst of teaching and being a professor and director of spiritual formation, a number of years ago, 14 years ago, I was asked to create a program for women. We've been going for these years and training and equipping women in Bible theology, spiritual formation, and mentoring. And our latest, so if you. Go in that QR code, it takes you to our website. You can check out all the things that are offered. But my most exciting initiative that I want to tell you about is for mothers and daughters, ages nine to 14. And so what we've done, so we've had about 3,000 women that have gone through our program. They've kind of gone all over the world and done different things and started ministries and stuff. It's my heart, think maybe as a grandma, now that I kind of want to go back and help in that mother stage when they're young. So we created a program for mothers and daughters ages nine to 14. We've gone on retreats and how to disciple your daughter in the things of the spirit. So back there on the table, there's my book, there's a... a for the girls, a resource for the moms. We're working on another ⁓ two more that are coming out. But if you are interested, you can take the cards back there. You can sign up, you can go to the website and look. ⁓ it's exciting. Now that I only have one job, I'm like, woohoo, this is glorious compared to ⁓ all of the things that I was doing before. I wanna introduce you to some folks who are very important to me. This picture is a picture of our children. and my daughter-in-law. This was taken years ago for our 60th birthday, but three of our son-in-laws couldn't be there. So that next year at Christmas, around my Charlie Brown Christmas tree, which if I'd never known I was going to show this in public, I would have gotten a better tree. I didn't think anyone was coming. And last minute they came, but we were all able to gather around the tree. And boy, is it special when everyone can get together. This next child wasn't there because she wasn't born yet. So she was born. And then the next one, she wasn't there because she wasn't born yet. And then the next one, she wasn't there because she wasn't born yet. So, ⁓ you know, eventually your children are launched. They usually come back and live with you a little while in there, but they will eventually go. And then you are left with your husband kind of looking at each other going, wow, it's been a long time. that our house has been cleaned after we cleaned it and it's quiet and we aren't running people to practices and rehearsals and all sorts of things and kind of now what? We've always loved each other. We've been married, Ron and I now, it'll be 42 years. Actually it's same, share the same anniversary as Jillian and Andrew. And ⁓ so what do we do now? And what is God saying to us now? In marriage there's a lot of peaks. in a lot of valleys. There's some arguments now and then in trying to get on the same page and stay on the same page and what is God doing, but the thing that's kind of cool is you get a chance when your kids finally leave to rekindle that first love that you had. And what do we want? our marriage to look like. What do we want it to be like? On our anniversary, we love to go out for dinner and talk about what new things would you like to see happen in our relationship this year? It doesn't need to be stagnant. It doesn't need to grow old. It can always be new and fresh. But it is and does take intentionality. So today I want us to look at a passage in Revelation chapter two that talks about what do we need to do to rekindle that first love because after you've known the Lord for a while and you kind of get what's required of you, it can kind of get a little cold and kind of cool down a bit and so today I want to look at four ways that we can rekindle our first love. So let's read this passage here in Revelation chapter It says, are the to the angel of the church in Ephesus, right? These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people that you've tested those who claim to be apostles but are not and have found them false. You have persevered and had have endured hardships for my name and have not grown weary. Yet this I hold against you. You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you've fallen. Repent and do the things you did at first, for if you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lamp stand from its place. But you have this in your favor, you hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate. Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God. From God's perspective, his relationship with mankind has always been about love. See, I pictured the Trinity up in heaven having this little pow wow between them and they're talking about, wow, we love each other so much and it's so good to be together. Let's invite someone else into this who will choose to love us and will voluntarily enter into this glorious relationship of love that we have with one another. And so they created mankind with choice, with free will to choose freely to love. In Luke 10 it says to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength, and love your neighbor as yourself. You see, by God who is love, 1 John 4, and through the love of our parents, we were made to love. So this whole thing, about relationship with God is all about love, love, love. But here, the church in Ephesus has gotten away from love. This book of Revelation is talking about Jesus and there's a lot of imagery in there and there's a lot of analogies, but there are seven warnings to seven churches saying, you know what, here's how each of you have gone off track, come back. And so it starts off with this one, the church to Ephesus saying, you are like my dream team. He says, I know your deeds, your hard work, your perseverance, you guys endure. You don't put up with bad stuff. You don't tolerate wickedness. You do not grow weary. In essence, he's saying, you are the dream team. This church is like the dream team of workers. Let's get her done type of people, you know? He says, yet, yet, so what if you're such great workers but you don't have love? So what if you have forgotten me in the midst of all of that? You see, so I wanna look at what does it take for us to rekindle that first love, because first love is different than any other. The first way we can rekindle first love is to keep things tender and simple. In Corinthians 11 three it says, but I'm afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. For if anyone comes to you and preaches a gospel other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough. Paul is saying you are letting anyone sway you from simple and pure devotion to me. A number of weeks ago I was in Northern California visiting my daughter there and she has a five year old and a two year old and I was playing with Malachi the five year old and we're sitting on the ground and I was building a tower and he was playing with dinosaurs and we were just quiet together. And all of sudden he stopped and looks out of the corner of his eye over at me and he gets up and he comes over and I was sitting cross-legged and he plops himself in my lap and he put his arm up around my head and turned it toward me and he goes, Nana, I love you. I love you, Nana. And my heart just kind of melted. And it was so meaningful to me because he wasn't trying to get a cookie or watch a movie or get a lollipop or he didn't want to get something from me. He just wanted me to know and feel how much he loved me. Friends, that is what the heart of a father is like when every day when we get up he's looking like a Come, let's be together. Let's enjoy our time together. You see, sometimes we grow past our passion and kind of move what we call to maturity. But devotion in the Hebrew means ruined for all else. I am ruined for all else because I have seen the face of Jesus. And he gives his face to those who seek him. In Song of Solomon chapter four it says, have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes. One glance, wow, my heart is ravished. You when Ron and I were in college, we were kind of dating but I was like. not sure about him because he was kind of wild. And I was like, ⁓ I just don't know if I can give my heart fully to him. And we were, I was in a singing group and he had come to Pennsylvania to visit us. So I knew he was coming, but he walked in unexpectedly as we were setting up that day. And when he walked in the side door, I saw him and my heart like leaped. ⁓ my goodness, and I'm like, ⁓ he looked so fine, you know? And I remember what he was wearing. He had white painter's pants and a button down Oxford shirt and his hair, sandy brown, parted in the middle. had Adidas shoes, and I'm like, ⁓ wow. And I'm like, ⁓ I can't let him know. And I had to turn, because my face blushed. And I was like, whoa. He walked in the door unexpectedly, and my heart responded. My brain tried to put my heart in order and say, no, no, no, ⁓ don't let him on, don't let on. But see, our heart responds when it says in Psalm 27, my heart says of you, seek my face, your face, Lord, I will seek. It doesn't say seek him with your mind, seek him with your intellect, seek him with your logic, seek him with all your reasoning, because David knew that it is our heart that seeks the face of love. who wants to look into the face of love. ⁓ your face, Lord, I will seek. Because regardless of what the enemy tries to lie to us, when our eyes meet the gaze of Jesus, yes, all comes into order. All is made well. You see, we can be a serving church, a sacrificing church, a suffering church, a steadfast church, and still lose our love. Evidently we can do all the right things, but our relationship wanes. You see, for some of us, ministry for God has replaced relationship with God. We have compromised that relationship for religion, but God wants relationship that leads to working for him, not work that leaves out relationship. You see, God's complaint here is not that they didn't love him. He knew they loved him, but they didn't love him first. And he says, I want to remind you periodically, and you need to do a little check-in. Has anything come in before my relationship with God? You see, it happens so, so subtly. It happens so gradually that one day you wake up and go, you know, I have no feeling anymore about God. ⁓ church, whatever, ⁓ whatever. Whatever you used to do, it doesn't have the same pull, the same draw, the same longing as it used to have. That's when we need to check and say, God, what has come in? That's called idolatry. Something else come in because you will give your time, your energy, your attention, your money to that what matters to you. God, what has replaced, what may have been in the process of replacing you as my first love? See, God is calling us back today to that simplicity of pure devotion. Will we respond tenderly and simply? Yes, Lord. And we sang about, want you more than anything, more than anything. The second way we can rekindle our first love is to remember what first love was like. Do you remember your first love? You couldn't get enough of that person. You're always trying to be together and schedule phone calls and meetings and lunches and brunches and classes and anything. We can be together, together, together. But God is saying to us and saying to this church at Ephesus, it doesn't even phase you that we aren't spending time anymore. It has happened so slowly. It doesn't matter if we don't talk. It doesn't matter if we're apart. It doesn't matter if we spend time together. This is serious for this church. See, because they're doing great things, but their heart is far from what they're doing. And God is saying it's time to come back. In Psalm 34, eight it says, taste and see that the Lord is good. One taste of the Lord keeps us coming back for more, which is why the enemy works so hard to keep us from ever experiencing the Lord like that, especially in the secret place. But God says, I wanna have a meal just with you. We don't need other people, we don't need lots of, you know. cheerleading or anything else I want you to come by yourself into the closet shut the door get on your face and wait for me Happy birthday. That's okay. But when God ravishes our hearts, we will wait for him. Because I know there's nowhere else I can go that will feed this desire, this longing. All the other things, money, prestige, power, titles, degrees, none of that really matters. Only God can satisfy to this degree in the longing of my heart. And when Jesus ravishes your heart, you will wait for him. I grew up in the church as a little girl. We were always there whenever the doors were open. My dad was not a pastor, but we were always there. And I accepted Jesus on Easter Sunday when I was eight years old. So Easter is very, very special to me. Throughout the course of my childhood and even into college, I think I accepted Jesus into my heart at least 50 times because I was afraid that I might lose my salvation or I did something wrong and surely I was kicked out or needed to just redo it again. And so I asked him into my heart and then of course if there was ever a time to rededicate your life, I rededicated my life. So as my husband and I were, ⁓ Moving toward ministry, we were at a church in Connecticut and he went to this conference in California and wanted me to go with him. And upon walking into this church, about 3,000 people, we were a little bit late, we're walking around the back to get to our seat and he turns back and I'm just sobbing, tears streaming down my face and he's like, what's wrong, what's wrong? I'm like, nevermind, I can't talk right now. We got to our seat, we sat down, the music stopped. Song ended, okay, I stopped crying, and then the next song started, and I started crying again. And so it got to, finally, I settled down, the preacher ended, as we're walking back to the hotel, he said, honey, what happened? Do you not like this? What's going on? I said, honey, you know I have accepted Jesus into my life so many times, and I try to do the right thing. But tonight, when we walked in there, God, in a beautiful way, sideswiped me. I wasn't trying harder. I wasn't doing more. I wasn't working for him. I wasn't trying to earn good points with him. I walked into a room and I felt and was overwhelmed by love. I felt that as the people were worshipping, he had a picture of love and was just pouring it out. I said, I know for the first time in my life, I'm now 26 years old, I accepted Jesus at the age of eight, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and I never have to ask him into my life again as a savior. I experienced the love of God in a powerful way and it changed me. That kind of love changed me and that is the kind of love that I have to tell people about. I have to tell people about that because that has changed my life in such a powerful way. You see, it's so important to remember what first love was like. The third way though we can rekindle our love is to realign ourselves to God's wooing. To realign ourselves to God's wooing. In verse four when it says, Romans 2, 4 says this. Let me back up. To realign ourselves to God's wooing is another way of saying repent. Repent. Because repentance is all about we're heading in this direction, this is where we're going, and repentance means I recognize something, I acknowledge it, I admit it, I confess it, and then I turn from it. to go the opposite direction, never, to leave that behind. And he's saying, re-align yourself to my ruling, repent. In Romans 2-4 it reads, it is the kindness of God that leads to repentance. It is the kindness of God that leads to repentance. Do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance, and patience, not realizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance? It's not yelling at you, it's not making you feel guilty, it's not shaming you, it's loving you. This is who you are. This is who I am. This is why I made you to have this deep and intimate love. And he says, come back. You've wandered away. See, I have heard this part preached with anger. Repent and return. How far you've fallen. Remember how far. And I'm like, okay, I'm coming back. But you know, it's very hard to draw near to someone you're afraid of. You'll come back, like, okay, please don't be mad at me, please don't hit me, please don't hurt me. No, no, no, his arms are wide open. His arms are wide open to us. It is hard to resist such a love. In 2 Corinthians 5 14, it says, is enough to compel me forward. In 1 Peter 4 8, it says, love covers a multitude of sin. 1 John 4 18 says, love drives out fear. And in Galatians 5, 6, it says, the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself in love. You see, pure love is over. It is overwhelming. Now I've heard people say, gotta be careful with this emotionalism business. No, we're not emotionalism, not hyping you up to talk you into it, but pure love, there is emotion. You don't stand at the altar and commit yourself to a person and then after 40 years, I told you 40 years ago I love you. Why would I need to feel emotion, dear? Why would I need to show you that? Like how ridiculous is that? Of course our love is growing and changing and dynamic and always different. There's always more to learn, but there's feeling there. And so to just say, just take your relationship with God by faith and that's enough. That's stagnant. What can be and what could be because of love is very exciting. You see, people in love do weird things. They get up early, they stay up late, they will sacrifice and get up and take you to the airport at weird times because of love. Because of love. 1 Corinthians 13 five says, if you truly love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him. You see, it's like that in marriage. It's also like that as a parent. But God wants us to know he wants it to be like that with him. Because Jesus, that is how he lives his whole life for us. You see, when he was here on earth as a man, he prayed, it says in Hebrews 5-7, with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him. The Holy Spirit in Romans 8, it says, when you don't know what you ought to pray, the Holy Spirit. is over here praying with wordless groans on your behalf. You see, our God is an emotional prayer. He's emotional, it matters to him. And Jesus in Hebrews seven says, he is still before the Father interceding on our behalf. Interceding Father. pour out your spirit on those folks. They love us. I pay the penalty for their sin. They belong to us. I know they're struggling right now, but Holy Spirit, go and draw them back to remember the glory of the Father, to remember what Jesus has done for them. Father, reignite their hearts with pure love. You see, God sees through our shallow mess. our pretense, our fear, and basically our control. Because after a while, it's kind of nice that something runs smoothly on its own. You know what? I know God, I made it into heaven, I prayed the prayer of salvation, I know I'm good, I'm not gonna burn, everything's fine, you know? But no. No, because... In a relationship, there's spontaneity, there's unpredictability. We will show up at the craziest of times and do the craziest of things because of love. And in our relationship with God, when we are serving him from the place of love, he is gonna ask those spontaneous, unexpected, crazy things like talk to that neighbor that is so angry. Talk to the person at the, gas station, who's whatever, do this, do that, and you're like, I would never even think of that in the past. But because of love, and because the Spirit of God, and because I've given my life to him, he is now moving us out into new ways. And as you dare to do what he's asking you to do, because of love, you will watch him move in ways that only he can move us through. You see, our God is emotional. And this kind of love sustains us and covers us. Some of us need that love today in a whole different way. We've grown a little bit cold. We're going through the, hey, I'm here, I showed up. I love God. But it's like he needs to breathe new life on the embers of our heart. so that it's not just embers and we're not just in, but that there's passion in a powerful way. So that when he asks us to do things, we are ready and moving and he is drawing us in cool ways. You see, this kind of love changes me. That day when I walked out of that church, I looked up today, it was 39 years ago. that changed the direction of my life, I cannot stop talking about the love of God. I cannot stop talking about the love of God because that is the only thing that matters in this relationship with him. You know, when I dated my husband, other girls would come in from dates and they would tell their girlfriends everything and all the details. I'm like, ⁓ how horrible, how horrible. There's only two people in this relationship, him and me, and nobody else gets to know about that. You see, because I was the one that was gonna live with him. I was the one that would have to decide, can I put up with that? I had very trusted professors and people that I knew say to me, Wanda, you will ruin your life if you marry him. It's a pretty strong statement. That is a very strong statement and I thought, you know what? Love is not blind, first of all. I know what he's like. Boy, vey. But, God has said, this is who he is and this is who you are. And I was determined to not marry a person who didn't have a stronger calling to ministry than I had. That's how strong I knew my calling was and I thought, know, he's kind of wild, but I'll just trust God with that part to calm him down. That part didn't calm down, but what a joy it has been to partner and to know that God has us on this journey of love, not just with a human being, but with himself that is always new, always exciting. Always different. It's powerful. Friends, where do you need to realign yourself to God's wooing? He has been calling you into more, but you're pretending you don't hear him. Because you know it'll cost something. You know it will require leaving something behind. You see, when we get married, we don't... We don't keep dating the people we used to date. We don't say, hey honey, I thought I'd go to lunch next week with Frank, you know? It's like, no, you left all that behind to give yourself here, and God is saying, then why in my relationship with you do you keep going back to those things instead of saying no, and coming to me and waiting for me to break through for you? because your perspective is that I'm not gonna break through, so you go back to solve it or settle it or feel better or comfort yourself. And he's saying, wait for me. Wait for me. I am the God of the impossible. I am the God of the breakthrough. And I am coming to you. I want you to wait for me. You see, the fourth way that we can rekindle our first love is to do what we did before. It's almost like I feel like we can hear the tone of sadness in the heart of God, that he misses the church of Ephesus and he wants them back. It's important, he says, remember, remember where you've came from. All that we've been through, all that we've have endured together, seen, done, experienced, come back. It can be like that again, only deeper because of history. You know, in relationship, when there's something awkward that you're both trying to avoid and don't wanna talk about it and think, well, maybe if we just let it go, it'll go away. It doesn't go away. And so eventually, if you dare to talk about it, as awkward as it may be, as emotional as it may be, as maybe it might even lead to an argument, but if you keep working through it, you will reach a point. of understanding, of negotiation, of compromise, whatever, and saying, okay, I still love you, I'm still showing up, I'm still here, and it actually strengthens your relationship. Friends, when the Spirit of God is speaking, convicting, talking about, don't talk yourself, bringing to your mind things, know, maybe I should, instead to talk to so and so or to do something for someone, don't talk yourself out of it, ⁓ man, it's probably just me. No, that's Him, because He wants to show up through you in a beautiful way because you have been praying, Father, use me. I wanna serve you, I wanna know you more, and He's calling you. deeper. The new thing of relationship with him can be felt, touched, seen, sensed, handled. But the coming, the waiting for it does get mundane. It does get old. But see, we're in a fast paced, do it now culture. I want to click a button and it's done. I want to click a button and I can see it, which is so counter to our relationship with God. as the watchman waits on the wall. I got five and a half more hours here to wait. It's a long time when you're just standing there, bone tired, cold, bored, whatever it is, but the watchman waits on the wall. God is saying, I want you to trust me. and wait for me to come. Waiting is a natural part of love. So turn back and do what you did before. Your hunger, your longing, your desperation. See, we have replaced that depth of love for affirmation, for people's approval. for prestige, for titles, for position, for glory in some way. But the first love is our work as followers of Jesus. First love is our goal. First love is central to all that we do. It must be something that we tend to. Jesus is saying, do what you did when all you had was me. When all you had was me, you came into my presence and you knew you couldn't go anywhere else for a solution. And therefore, you waited. You listened, you prayed, you asked, you waited, you asked. You waited, you waited until I came. See, Luke 18, that persistent widow that kept knocking, knocking. She knew that righteous judge would eventually come and answer. And she's like, I am not giving up. No matter how long it has to be, I'm coming. See, there is a fire that God wants to kindle in us today. That there has to be more than what we're experiencing. And that more is found in the presence of the Lord. He's asking us to return and do what we did before. It's always a choice. It's always an invitation to come closer. In my church, I'm attending a prayer class on Saturday mornings, and we're reading through the book of Revelation, and they have asked us to read the whole book in one sitting. I don't know if you ever tried going through Revelation, you gotta go through such imagery and analogy and all these kinds of things, but the first time as I sat down to do the whole thing, I was in chapter three and I read this. To the angel of the church in Sardis, these are the words of him who holds the seven spirits and seven stars. I know your deeds, you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up, strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God. Remember therefore what you've received and heard and hold it fast and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief and you will not know at what time I will come. When I read those words, you have a reputation of being alive but you are dead. Boom, it hit me and I said, Lord, is that the church Big C in America? We think we're alive, that all is well, but we're really dead. Then I had to go one step more. I'm like, Lord, is that me? Are there places of my heart that because I have been hurt, because I'm in a period of grieving and loss, because I'm disappointed, I'm like, you know what? I'll just guard this part of my heart, God. You can have the rest of it. but there's something about withholding part of your heart from God is that that withholding part kind of keeps taking over until it's fully under your control instead of fully open to the control of God. And he is saying, I know it's messy. I know it's scary. I know that in your brokenness, you don't think that I'm calling you because I love you. Open up to me. Let me come in. Let me love you through it. The first time the Lord ever said that to me, I was kind of like, let me love you. Hmm. I thought I was. He's like, well, you're very guarded. It's like you give me a list of how I can love you. But I'm loving you this way. So open yourself up to me and let me come in. You see, as we close, I want us just pause for just a minute. So if you would close your eyes. I want us to just kind of sit quietly before the Lord for a minute.