Whole Family (Week 3)

Good morning, what's the one?

How are we?

So I think you shouldn't get it.

Born and raised, by the way, with actually three generations of my blood.

So consider this a fair warning.

We run a little bit long today.

But if you have any complaints, you can email me at F as inforce Coleman and Multiply.

Sorry about that.

All that being said, as a small town kid, I joined some things in life.

Wrestling or wrestling, as my peers of actually referred to it as.

Anyone recognize the next one?

Everybody loves Raymond, yeah.

So one of my other favorites, I feel like his parents were very intrusive.

Some of you all can relate to that or your in-laws.

Hopefully, you're not sitting next to them.

Someone did say in-laws.

Okay.

So yeah, I will always remember that show for that reason.

And the last one's my personal favorite.

Anyone recognize this one?

Fresh Prince of Bell Air Yes.

Arguably Will Smith's catalyst to his career.

You all probably remember a lot of those scenes, a lot of those one liners that he had that I will not repeat from here, or no one should ever repeat.

And as a father of a daughter, I hope that those guys never repeat that to my daughter, or they will be getting tossed out like Jazz did.

So hopefully not taste in television.

It won't tempt you to tune me out of our time together.

But all jokes aside, whether it's classic sitcoms from our childhood or from sitcoms today, there's something to be said that we can all identify with or resonate with these types of shows and the families involved.

And I would say at some level of their dysfunction, some episodes may cause us to burst into tears of laughter, like this scene.

Other episodes may move us to tears of deep emotional pain, such as this scene.

Some of you all probably remember this, as we hear the heartache of Will Smith's iconic outburst, all by his powerful embrace with unfilled after his absent father walks out again.

Maybe some of you can relate to that sentiment.

Maybe you've been directly or indirectly affected by things like abuse, addiction, adultery, divorce, and the list goes on.

See, the latter is actually part of my story.

From the time I was a toddler up until my preteen years, I didn't really know any different.

I mean, what kid would complain about having two Christmases, two birthday parties, and two vacations, right?

But as I got older and became somewhat more mature, I began to process the weight of my future relationships in light of my desire to eventually get married and have a family of my own.

And after dealing with the aftermath of a few self-sabotage relationships in my early 20s and finally having the conviction and the courage to begin doing the deep work to address all of those things in my mid-20s, God eventually saw fit to give me the greatest gift that I didn't need or that I didn't know that I needed in my late 20s, which is my lovely wife.

But little did we know this would actually be the beginning of an ongoing redemptive journey for both of us as we committed to writing a different story or a different script, if you will, for the Williams family.

You all have been in a series called Whole Family the past couple of weeks, which I believe is arguably one of the most important aspects of our walk with Jesus for this primary reason.

You can check this out on the slide.

The family is God's first established institution.

The family is God's first established institution.

So this means the family will always be in Satan's crosshairs.

The family will always be in Satan's crosshairs.

And this doesn't give us a spirit of fear, but we do need a spirit of wisdom and discernment to know how to be aware of his schemes and his attacks.

So if you flip back to Genesis chapter 2 in your Bibles, we find an account of the first wedding ceremony.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

God said it wasn't good for man to be alone, so he makes a helper from Adam's rib, and then he brings Eve to Adam.

What a beautiful picture we have of a father entrusting his daughter to another man.

But then, who do we see stirring up strife in the very next chapter?

It's Satan.

And not to give him too much credit, but it makes sense while Satan will do anything and everything he can to attack the family by causing chaos and confusion, leaving a ripple effect of destruction lasting for generations.

See, fortunately for us, this isn't anything new to God.

Family drama has actually been a recurring theme throughout the pages of Scripture.

And Adam and Eve were banished from God's presence in the Garden of Eden.

We then see this ripple effect that it would have on their own family and their offspring.

And if you probably remember this story, one of their sons, Cain, would eventually murder his own brother, Abel, in cold blood.

And from there we read story after story after story of countless examples of family wounds in the first half of the Bible, which we know as the Old Testament.

And it doesn't get any better as we step into the New Testament.

In the very first chapter of Matthew, we find the genealogy or the family tree of Jesus.

Unless you're someone who's naturally intrigued by history, the temptation for us anytime we read and study the Bible is to skim over any verses with a long list of names.

However, this particular section of scripture is actually really, really important for us for two primary reasons.

First and foremost, it proves Jesus is the long-awaited Messiah who was first promised when God told Abraham 42 generations prior.

So we still see God being good on his word and on his promises.

Second, it also bridges the historical gap between the tensions we currently experience in our own families today, along with the drama that's also prevalent in Jesus' family tree, which just so happens to include betrayal, dishonesty, murder, and a few sex scandals if we're being honest.

Now, don't worry, this isn't going to be some ancestry DNA sales pitch or a new TV sitcom idea, but I do want to examine one story from Jesus' family tree in particular as a case study for our time together.

So let's take a look at Matthew chapter 1, beginning in verse 1.

Matthew 1 · chapter mention

This is a record of the ancestors of Jesus the Messiah, a descendant of David and of Abraham.

Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac was the father of Jacob, Jacob was the father of Judah and his brothers.

See, one of Judah's brothers was a man by the name of Joseph.

And for those of us who grew up in the church, we probably remember Joseph because of his coat of many colors that his father Jacob gifted him with as his favorite son.

What I'd like for us to explore today is how Joseph actually shows us one specific attribute that I strongly believe serves as a hallmark for any healthy and whole family.

And we find Joseph's story back where we first began in the book of Genesis.

So let's pick things up in Genesis chapter 37, beginning in verse 1.

Genesis 37 · chapter mention

So Jacob settled again in the land of Canaan, where his father had lived as a foreigner.

This is the account of Jacob and his family.

When Joseph was seventeen years old, he often tended his father's flocks.

He worked for his half-brothers, the sons of his father's wives.

Please note that that is plural and not singular, Bilhah and Zilpah.

But Joseph reported to his father some of the bad things his brothers were doing.

Some people like to call Joseph a tattletale.

We'll save that discussion for another time for all the parents.

Jacob loved Joseph more than any of his other children, because Joseph had been born to him in his old age.

So one day Jacob had a special gift made for Joseph, a beautiful robe.

But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them.

They couldn't say a kind word to him.

See, it doesn't take us long to dive right into this family's dysfunction, which is actually a continuation of Jacob's rather scandalous and sinful life found in the preceding chapters of Genesis.

In verse 2, we see that Jacob didn't have just one wife.

He actually had four women in his life at one point, although only two are listed here.

But it's also worth mentioning that one of those wives has now passed away, which just so happens to be Joseph's mother and the one wife that Jacob truly loved.

And some of us can probably relate to having a wound from a parent's absence, whether it was due to neglect or due to their untimely death.

Jacob's favoritism towards Joseph is also problematic.

Despite Joseph's age, he's already been given a position of authority over his brothers.

And if this isn't enough, Jacob adds more salt to the wound by gifting Joseph with this elaborate coat or robe.

And in this particular cultural context, robes were usually a sign of honor, privilege, or status reserved for the eldest son.

See, when we take all of this context into consideration, it sheds light as to why Joseph's brothers resented him.

Some of us can probably relate to having a sibling who was considered the golden child.

Or maybe you were on the receiving end of being treated as the golden child.

And if you have to think about whether or not you were the golden child, chances are you probably were.

Not that I would know anything about that, but I digress.

Now in verses 5 through 11, things really begin to escalate.

Joseph then decides to share these recent dreams he's been having with his brothers.

Now on the service, this might not seem like too difficult or too big of a thing.

It's a rather harmless act, but Joseph's dreams actually were not about him becoming an eagle and soaring the skies, or being late for a job interview, or marrying the love of his life.

No, Joseph's dreams involved other symbolic objects, in this case his brothers, bowing down to him.

How do you think that landed with his brothers?

How do you think they responded?

Well, you guessed it.

The text tells us they hated him even more.

Joseph also had the audacity to describe one of these dreams to Jacob, and his own father rebuked him, which is not what we would expect from the son who is considered the golden child.

Now, if you're not familiar with where this story is headed, you would hope at this point it would eventually make a turn towards redemption.

Unfortunately, that's not the case.

We've got quite a bit of time before we get there.

And things actually get significantly worse for Joseph.

Jacob decides to send him on an assignment to check in on his brothers and then report back to him.

And based on what we read earlier, this isn't anything new or unordinary, aside from Joseph now flaunting his new robe.

So, as Joseph's brothers see him approaching from a distance, they begin plotting to kill him and even discuss how they're going to cover it up.

That escalated quickly, didn't it?

Which begs the question, how do we get here?

How do we get here?

How did the brothers go from not speaking to Joseph to planning his murder and now thinking about covering it up?

I can't speak for any of you, but I do have to admit, I found myself in the middle of a heated disagreement asking myself, how did I get here?

And here's what I've learned the hard way.

Left unchecked, anger eventually leads to resentment.

Left unchecked, anger eventually leads to resentment.

Fortunately for Joseph, two of his brothers still have a little bit of a conscience remaining and offer a couple of alternative plans.

One of his brothers, named Reuben, recommends throwing him into a pit, and coincidentally enough, the other brothers are going to be clueless to his ulterior motive to eventually rescue Joseph.

The crew agrees, hey, you know what?

The pit seems fair, so they strip Joseph of his robe and toss him in.

But it's also worth mentioning this small but significant detail found in our text in verses 24 and 25, just to show us how calloused their hearts really were.

And it says this, then they grabbed him, him being Joseph, and threw him into the cistern or pit.

Now the cistern was empty, there was no water in it.

Then, just as they were sitting down to eat, they looked up and saw a caravan of camels in the distance coming towards them.

Now I don't know about you, but the one word that immediately comes to mind is heartless.

But I'm not even sure that would do justice.

And if this doesn't seem cruel enough, Joseph's brother Judah, who we read about back in Matthew chapter 1, suggests selling him into slavery, in which the rest of the gang actually obliges.

Matthew 1 · chapter mention

So they slaughter an innocent goat, take Joseph's robe, dip it in the blood, take this evidence back to their father Jacob, and have the audacity to ask him, hey, can you examine this rope that we found?

We think it is your sons.

Notice how they distance themselves in that moment.

It wasn't our brother, it's your son.

So again, we keep getting these glimpses of just how resentful they were towards Joseph.

And as you can imagine, as any parent would, Jacob spirals into a state of depression, grief, and mourning.

So here's a question.

How's that for family dysfunction?

And see, when we read stories like this, it's easy for us to armchair quarterback these situations and say, well, I would never fill in the blank, or how could they fill in the blank?

But I believe there's a warning here for all of us, and I think it's this being resentful makes us unforgiving.

Being resentful makes us unforgiving.

I mean, although it's highly unlikely that we would go as far as these brothers of plotting to kill our own family members or selling them into slavery, but the irony is we actually end up enslaving ourselves to our resentment.

I've also heard it stated this way: resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

And again, I gotta be honest with you.

I've been there.

And not only did I enslave myself to my resentment, but the people closest to me who had absolutely nothing to do with any of the situations from my past ended up carrying my chains as well.

See, unlike me, Joseph didn't allow his circumstances to drive him to resentment.

So after his brothers then sell him to the group of traitors, Joseph is then sold to an officer in Egypt named Potiphar.

And during this time he serves Potiphar faithfully and is eventually put in charge of his entire household because the favor of God was on him.

And Joseph lived happily ever after.

The end.

Not so fast, my friends.

Potiphar's wife notices Joseph's dashing good looks and decides to make advances towards him.

So let's take a look at what happens in Genesis chapter 39.

Genesis 39 · chapter mention

But Joseph refused.

What a man of integrity.

Look, he told her, my master trusts me with everything in his entire household.

No one here has more authority than I do.

He has held back nothing from me except you, because you are his wife.

How could I do such a wicked thing?

It would be a great sin against God.

Don't miss that last line.

Despite everything that's happened to Joseph up to this point, he didn't feel entitled to sin against Potiphar.

But more importantly, he didn't feel justified to sin against God.

How different would sin look in our own lives if we ultimately viewed it as an act of disobedience towards God?

Unfortunately for Joseph, Potiphar's wife would not take no for an answer.

So she continues to make advances towards him day after day after day, and eventually the wills fall off for Joseph.

So, in an attempt to flee her on this dreadful day, after she grabs him, Joseph loses his garment in the process, and then she then takes this evidence to leverage it and falsely accuse Joseph of trying to sleep with her.

Although Potiphar could have had Joseph ordered to be executed, he decides to throw him in prison instead.

Now, let's take just a moment to put ourselves in Joseph's shoes.

You've been integrated into a new family, you've been given a new purpose, you've been serving faithfully, you've been doing the right thing, and yet you find yourself being betrayed again.

So how will Joseph respond this time?

How will this man of integrity respond this time?

While in prison, Joseph is granted authority by the prison warden because the favor of God is on him.

He also meets two other inmates, a baker and a cupbearer, who ask him to interpret their dreams.

And given what we read earlier about Joseph's expertise in dreamology and his current predicament, he's more than happy to share his thoughts.

In return, Joseph's only request is for the cupbearer to remember him.

However, after the cupbearer is restored back into Pharaoh's service, he actually forgets about Joseph for two years until Pharaoh then needs his dreams interpreted.

And then suddenly the cupbearer remembers what Joseph had requested, and then Joseph is finally summoned to interpret Pharaoh's dreams.

Pharaoh is so impressed with Joseph, he decides to give Joseph authority over his entire household as well as Egypt, because the favor of God was on him.

He also gives Joseph with a ring, new clothes, a gold chain, and a wife.

How's that for a plot twist?

But it gets better.

Needless to say, we've covered a lot of ground, so let's take just a brief moment to recap Joseph's story.

He's thrown into a pit and sold into slavery at 17.

He faithfully serves in Potiphar's house, but is falsely accused of trying to sleep with Potiphar's wife and is thrown in prison.

He interprets the dreams of the baker and the cupbearer, but is forgotten about for two years, and then he's eventually remembered and summoned to interpret Pharaoh's dreams, and is invited into Pharaoh's service 13 years after he had been sold into slavery.

So with all of this context surrounding Joseph's story, we can't help but wonder, how's he processing all of this?

Like we don't see in the text that he met with his lead pastor like Forest.

He didn't go to his small group to see what their thoughts were.

I mean, is he is he frustrated?

Is he angry?

Is he bitter?

Is he resentful?

Here's another interesting thought.

What kind of story would we have if his brothers had never sold him into slavery?

Or how about this?

What if Joseph ever came face to face with his brothers again?

How would he respond?

Well, fortunately for us, we don't have to speculate on this last question because the Bible records their family reunion in Genesis chapters 42 through 45 after two decades have now passed.

Genesis 42 · chapter mention

Don't miss the time component throughout this text.

In chapters 42 through 44, we read about a few tests that Joseph puts his brothers through while concealing his identity.

And I think he's testing them to see if they are truly repentant for what they'd done.

Then in chapter 45, Joseph finally reveals who he is.

Text says this Joseph could stand it no longer.

There were many people in the room, and he said to his attendants, Out, all of you.

So he was alone with his brothers when he told them who he was.

Then he broke down and wept.

He wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him, and word of it quickly carried to pop to Pharaoh's palace.

I am Joseph, he said to his brothers.

Is my father still alive?

But his brothers were speechless.

But they were.

They were stunned to realize that Joseph was standing there in front of them.

Please come closer, he said to them.

So they came closer.

And he said again, I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt.

But don't be upset, and don't be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place.

It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives.

Wait, what?

On one hand, we would expect some type of punishment or retaliation, but that's not the case.

On the other hand, we would expect there to be some boasting or maybe him flexing or flaunting or gloating his authority and his position, but that's also not the case.

Instead, we see mercy, not vengeance.

We say that again.

We see mercy, not vengeance, which I know is so counter-cultural to the cultural climate we live in today.

You all might know it as cancel culture.

But notice the details here.

Joseph sends out the people who had nothing to do with the situation.

He asks his brothers to come closer, rather than banishing them from his presence or from Egypt, and he encourages them to not be upset or angry.

See, from the outside looking in, this makes absolutely no sense at all until we realize that there is a greater narrative being written in this family story and in their script.

It's a story of redemption rooted in forgiveness.

And if your ears have now perked up, because this story is starting to sound somewhat familiar to another one, I want you to hold that thought.

So what's the application here?

What do we learn from Joseph about having a healthy and whole family?

I believe we can confidently say it's this.

A whole family is a forgiving family.

A whole family is a forgiving family.

Despite everything that has happened to Joseph because of the consequences of his father's generational sin, including his brother's present resentment of him, and despite everything that happened while he was serving in Potiphar's house, Joseph made a conscious decision to extend mercy and forgiveness to his brothers.

Don't miss this part, even though they didn't deserve it.

When we look at forgiveness from a biblical perspective, it's a transformational process where a debt is canceled.

Period.

No hidden fees, no strings attached or chains attached, no bait and switch.

And here's what Joseph teaches us about forgiveness.

Number one, sometimes forgiveness is unilateral.

Sometimes forgiveness is unilateral.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

Joseph's brothers never asked him for forgiveness, and yet Joseph forgave them anyway.

We can keep ourselves enslaved to bitterness and resentment by waiting on an apology that may never come.

Number two, forgiveness does not mean forgetting.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting.

Joseph clarified his identity by explicitly reminding them he was the brother that they had sold into slavery.

He didn't ignore the behavioral issue, he didn't sweep it under the rug, but it's also worth noting that he didn't allow his woundedness to become his identity.

Number three, we can forgive and still have boundaries.

We can forgive and still have boundaries.

Joseph allows his family to be near him but not move in with him.

See, most of us have the tendency to overcorrect.

Our boundaries are either fortress walls where we just shut everyone out in one extreme, or it's an open door policy in the other extreme, where we just let any and everyone come and go as they please.

However, healthy boundaries look more like gates where we are the gatekeepers.

Number four, forgiveness is an ongoing process, not a one-time event.

Forgiveness is an ongoing process, not a one-time event.

After Jacob eventually passes away, the brothers assume Joseph is still holding a grudge and will eventually make them pay for the suffering that they caused.

However, Joseph provides comfort and reassurance that this is not the case.

Don't miss this redemptive piece here.

Remember back in chapter 37, where we found that the brothers could not say a kind word to him, but we see here at the conclusion of Jacob's passing that he is then able to encourage them with kind words.

See, forgiveness must be a daily choice because we're all flawed, imperfect, and sinful people on this side of heaven.

Now, circling back to the point we alluded to earlier, here's actually the beauty of Joseph's story.

Joseph serves as a foreshadowing of Jesus.

Joseph serves as a foreshadowing of Jesus.

And some biblical scholars claim he's the clearest depiction of Jesus in the entire Bible.

And I would agree.

Joseph was the affection of his father's love.

Jesus is the affection of his father's love.

Joseph was mocked by his brothers.

Jesus was mocked by his own earthly family.

Joseph was faithful when he was tempted by Potiphar's wife.

Jesus was faithful when he was tempted in the desert.

Joseph was betrayed and deserted by his brothers.

Jesus was betrayed and deserted by his disciples.

Joseph was falsely accused by Potiphar's wife.

Jesus was falsely accused by the Jewish leaders.

Joseph was thrown into prison.

Jesus was thrown into prison before he was eventually nailed to a cross.

And even in his most physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually agonizing moment while he hung on that cross, Jesus demonstrated the greatest act of mercy and forgiveness when he said these words.

Father, forgive them.

Father, forgive them.

Not Father condemn them.

Not Father, destroy them.

Father, forgive them.

For they don't know what they are doing.

See, if we can wrap our heads and our hearts around this profound truth that our debt has ultimately been canceled on the cross, it will radically transform the way we're able to then extend forgiveness to others.

See, we've got to get the vertical right in order to get the horizontal right.

This is why unforgiveness is so dangerous.

And we wouldn't openly admit this, but when we're being unforgiven, unforgiving towards the other people, we're essentially saying, hey, Jesus, even though you died on the cross for the forgiveness of this person's sins, that's past, present, and future, by the way, and cancel their debt, it's still not enough for me.

I need something else.

I need something more.

But here's the redemptive part.

If we want God to work in us and through us to make our families healthy and whole, then we have to understand this.

Forgiveness is the vehicle to redemption.

Forgiveness is the vehicle to redemption.

If we want God to redeem the heartache we've endured for years, then we have to make a choice to forgive others, regardless how they may or may not respond to us.

Now, disclaimer, this doesn't mean everything will improve instantly, but it will free us from enslaving ourselves to the chains of unforgiveness that hold us in bondage.

Now, if I'm being completely honest with you all, writing and preparing this message was one of the most challenging, convicting, and at the same time healing exercises I've worked through this year.

I believe it's because God wanted this to be a part of my ongoing redemptive process.

But what's even more encouraging is I continue to see evidence of God redeeming my story, especially when I reflect over the past five years.

I saw it when my dad hosted my mom's side of the family for a Christmas gathering, even though they'd been divorced at that time for almost three decades.

My wife and I vividly remember seeing it during our wedding reception while we were sitting at our sweetheart table, and the joy in that room was palpable, even though we knew a lot of the backstories of the people in that room.

And most recently, we saw it during our daughter's first birthday party, and the love that was poured out on her.

And these are core memories I hope will resonate with me for the rest of my life.

But what I'm most grateful for is that I have two parents who love Jesus, who love me, and who chose to forgive.

There's a song our music team sings at our campus called Graves in the Gardens, and probably you've heard of it, but every time I hear that song, especially during the bridge, it takes everything in me not to weep uncontrollably.

And the lyrics go like this You turn mourning to dancing.

You give beauty for ashes, you turn shame into glory.

You're the only one who can.

You turn graves into gardens, you turn bones into armies, you turn seas into highways, you're the only one who can.

Multiply.

I don't know if there's drama or dysfunction or some other type of wound present.

But here's what I do know from personal experience.

If we don't transform our pain, we'll transmit our pain.

If we don't transform our pain, we will transmit our pain.

Joseph decided to transform his pain by choosing to forgive his brothers.

Jesus decided to transform our pain by bearing it all on the cross.

And it's in Jesus that we find our healing because he's the only one who can.

I'll close with this verse from 1 Peter 2, verse 24.

1 Peter 2:24

He, he being Jesus, personally carried our sins in his body on the cross so that we can be dead to sin and live for what is right.

By his wounds, you and I are healed.

If we ever doubt God's intentions towards us, we should just look at the cross.

Remember what lengths God went through by sending us his one and only Son to give us grace and mercy and forgiveness to restore us back into his family.

And if you're here today and you want to know more about the free gift of salvation, or if you're just tired of being enslaved to resentment and unforgiveness, the team here at Multiply would love to have a conversation with you to help you find your freedom in Jesus.

Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, God, we come before you with our brokenness, our woundedness, God, and all of the family drama and dysfunction that's in this room.

And God, we don't have all the answers, but we know that it is in Jesus that we do have an answer.

He is the answer.

And God, we know that forgiveness is just such a lofty topic because there's so much nuance, there's so many layers of complexity to our own individual circumstances.

But God, we can cast all of our anxieties on you because you're big enough to carry it for us.

So, God, whatever that is, I pray that we can lay it down at the foot of the cross.

God, we know that we live in a culture that is just bent on canceling people.

But we saw that your son, by his example, canceled our debt.

So may we go forward to the people in our lives and cancel their debts as well.

It doesn't mean it's going to be easy, but by the power of your Holy Spirit, you will give us everything that we need to do that in a way that honors you and gives you praise.

And it's in Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.