Whole Family (Week 4)

Before I get into my message today and our series whole family, I wanted to share this is a bit of an update, a good update that as you all know, we have submitted our blueprints to the state, to the future home of Multiply Church across from Juniper Hills Park that hopefully we'll be moving to in the not so distant future.

And so got a little bit of good news in the fact that our plans have been submitted now for eight or nine weeks, and we have gotten comments back on our plans from the state, which is a very good sign.

They've given us some revisions for us uh to do, and hopefully that means uh that approval is coming soon.

So I know you all um have been praying for this process.

They gave us a window of approval that would happen anywhere between six weeks and six months, um, as you all know, which is quite a long uh time.

I don't know if they could give us any uh more specific of a time window, but um I'm gonna ask you guys to continue to pray uh that the Lord's gonna provide those approvals soon, and when he does, then construction can begin.

How awesome is that! So, man, praise the Lord.

We're excited uh about that, and um man, the Lord is providing.

Y'all just keep praying, and uh, we're excited about it to come.

We're in this series uh whole family, and um I uh I've got a couple of favorite movies, and I'm gonna date myself by telling you what they are.

Um, but one of them is Gladiator.

Any Gladiators and uh fans in the house?

Um my other favorite movie um is um Oh Brother War Heart Thou.

Oh man, uh they got a lot of love there.

Those two movies.

What I love about those movies, they they've got phenomenal dialogue, tons uh of uh there's great humor, uh, and brother War Art Now and the Gladiator is just like this pump you up amazing uh movie and story.

Um but also something about both of those uh movies is that they have incredible soundtracks.

They've got incredible music behind them, and and so much that you know there's the songs you know from the Soggy Bottom Boys uh from Brother Where Art Thou.

Um and I I find myself thinking about um Maximus Decimus Meridius from Gladiator, and they're heading into battle with this huge music behind them.

And it's not just the dialogue, but it's also the soundtrack, it's the whole experience.

And I wonder for us in our life today and in your day-to-day, what's the soundtrack of your life?

The dialogue, the things that are that are happening around you, what does your life sound like?

What's the soundtrack that's not only just going through your head, but as actually coming out of your mouth?

Because today what we're talking about is the power of our words.

We talk about a whole family, you know, the last few uh weeks we have been talking about what it looks for us to build a healthy foundation at home, no matter what your family makeup is, how everybody has come together and what it looks like, how can you have a foundation on Jesus for you to have a healthy home?

And you know, when it comes to communication, in our words, even people out there like Dr.

Phil will tell you that what's the most important thing in a relationship?

Communication.

All right.

Your life is like a bowl of milk without any, maybe a bowl of cereal without any milk in it.

That's the kind of Dr.

Phil stuff that he tells us.

Uh even the world uh knows the simple truth that communication is key when it comes to relationships.

But I wonder just not just about communication in general, but but also the fact that in our relationships, that it's kind of like a piece of the foundation stone, even not even the things that we don't say.

The soundtrack that's going around our lives.

I'll give you an example.

I have a nine-month-old daughter, Magnolia.

She can't talk, but boy, can she communicate.

She has now at this point, she has different cries that mean different things.

And as parents were like, okay, I know that cry, or that's a fake cry, I know what that one is.

And you begin to see that that communication, even without words, that that it's so powerful and it's so deep in our lives.

And when I think about the foundation stones that we talked about a couple of weeks ago, I got to share the foundation stones of what it looks like for us in our lives, in our families.

If you haven't heard that message, go back and listen to it from two weeks ago as I talk about the foundation stones.

And one of those foundation stones is truth.

And what's the truth that is coming out of your mouth, that is in your home, that's in your relationships with your spouse, with your kids, with the in-laws, with the outlaws, everybody who is a part of your family.

What does it look like?

The truth, the words in your house.

Some key parts of this message inspired this week by a book called Mending Broken Branches.

It talks about a family and a young lady who grew up in a home that was broken, and how for her she was able to overcome the obstacles of her path and what it looks like to be in a home that's centered around Jesus.

And when I think about the way that we communicate, the truth that we speak, the words that we use, and the power that's behind them, there's a lot of implications.

The words that you speak, how you communicate, it's central to the connectedness that we have in our life.

The words that we speak, how we treat our family, our friends, will dictate how lonely you are.

Because here's what we know from the scripture.

We know from the scripture, and we're going to talk about a lot of it today, of what the Bible has a lot to say about the words that we speak and about our tongue, and the scripture specifically tells us that the tongue has the power of life and death.

And those who will love it will eat its fruit.

Your tongue is so powerful.

It's more powerful than maybe even you realize that it is.

To the point that you may be communicating, you may be saying things that are bringing death into your life instead of a life-giving, loving, building of relationships with your family.

The scripture tells us just how important the tongue is in James chapter 3, starting in verse 4.

James 3 · chapter mention

A small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong.

In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches, but a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.

And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire.

It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body.

It can set your whole life on fire.

For it is set on fire by hell itself.

Verse 7.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue.

It is restless and evil and full of deadly poison.

Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God.

And so blessing and cursing come pouring out from the same mouth.

Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right.

Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter?

Does a fig tree produce olives or grapevines produce figs?

No, you can't draw fresh water from a salty spring.

The tongue, it's a flame of fire.

That's a strong passage from James.

If you spend any time in James, it's like verse after verse after verse, it just hits you between the eyes.

And this is no exception, talking about the power of our tongue and it having life and death.

He says that our tongue can be set on fire, even by the power the fires of hell.

The word that's used there for hell is this word, Gehenna, which was this place that was in Jerusalem where trash was burned day and night.

The scripture says that your tongue can be a dumpster fire, messing up and burning through your life.

And then out of the same mouth, praises of God can come, can come curses of other people.

And so, how do we handle our tongue?

We need to handle it with wisdom.

And where does wisdom come from?

It comes from the Word of God.

In particular, uh the even the wisdom book that's in the scripture, the book of Proverbs has lots of things to say about how we speak.

And just in one chapter alone, Proverbs shows us seven characteristics of what our words should be like.

That our words, that it should be a life-giving fountain.

The words of the godly are life-giving fountain.

The words of the wicked conceal innocent or uh conceal violent intentions.

You have understanding lips.

Wise words come from the lips of people with understanding, but those lacking sense will be beaten with a rod.

Woo! There's been uh quite a number of bar fights that have started in a time because somebody, what they said, and their lips moving to somebody who was about ready to uh get them with a beating.

This one is this next one's so funny.

That this one is this is the Bible.

I'm not saying this is the Bible, a sensible mouth.

Too much talk leads to sin, but since but uh be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

I didn't say that.

That was the scripture.

So that our words should be precious silver.

The words of the godly are like sterling cinder silver, the heart of a fool is worthless.

Our tongue that it should encourage many, in verse 21.

The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense.

Our words give wise advice.

The godly will never be disturbed, but the wicked will be removed from the land and speak helpful words.

The lips of the godly speak helpful words, but the mouth of the wicked speaks perverse words.

The scripture has a lot to say about our tongue, the power that comes from our words, and it has the power, just like the rudder of a boat, to dictate where your life leads and where your relationships and where your home, where it goes, what the trajectory is.

But not just as much as the action of what's coming out of your mouth.

There's a deeper, there's a deeper meaning and there's a deeper understanding that comes when you're looking at the scripture and what it has to say about our communication and our tongue, and it comes directly from Jesus, where he tells us that our words are connected to our heart.

Jesus is with the disciples, and the religious leaders come to him in Matthew 15.

And the religious leaders are all upset and they're angry and they're coming to tear down Jesus and his disciples, and they accuse him.

They say, Jesus, your disciples, they don't do the ceremonial hand washing that's required by our traditions.

Why do you do that?

You're defiling yourselves, and your disciples are defiling themselves by not following this tradition.

And Jesus takes an opportunity, like he does many times, with those who are self-righteous religious people, and he roasts them.

He toasts them.

He calls them hypocrites to their face.

He tells them that their traditions are man-made.

And then he says this about them in Matthew 15.

About those religious leaders.

He said, These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

Their worship is a farce, as they teach man-made ideas as commands from God.

Then Jesus called the crowd to come and hear, listen, he said, and try to understand.

It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you.

You are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.

Then the disciples came to him and asked, Do you realize you offended the Pharisees by what you just said?

And Jesus replied, Every plant not planted by my heavenly father would be uprooted, so ignore them.

They're blind guides leading the blind.

And if one blind person guides another, they will fall both fall into a ditch.

Then Peter said to Jesus, Explain to us the parable that says people aren't defiled by what they eat.

Don't you understand yet?

Jesus answered, verse 17.

Anything you eat passes through your stomach and then goes into the sewer.

Jesus giving us a bathroom lesson.

But the words you speak come from the heart.

That's what defiles you.

From the heart comes evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.

These are what defile you.

Eating with unwashed hands will never defile you.

Jesus connects our words to our heart.

And what he tells us and says to us is that for each one of us that there's a power in what we say, even to the point for it to affect us spiritually.

And I wonder this question for you today.

What was the words in your home life, in your home like growing up?

What was the communication like?

Maybe for there's some of you in the house, and you had a wonderful upbringing and a wonderful home, and there was never any unhealthy communication that was going on.

But I would imagine for many of us that there were some unhealthy and unhelpful ways that people were using their tongue in your upbringing.

Isn't it interesting that you hear this uh this uh statement that isn't actually true?

Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

We said that when we were kids, but is it actually really true?

For me, uh I know that it very much can be true.

The things that people said to you, maybe even when you were a kid, are stuck and lodged into your mind, turning not just from something that you have heard, but something that you now believe that has led to actions about who you are.

Someone who spoke and intended to hurt you.

And you may be in a home right now where there's communication that's going on that is not helpful and not healthy, that looks something maybe like this, abusing one's spouse or each other, whether uh uh emotionally, verbally, or physically, avoiding issues, withdrawing emotionally or physically, refusing to engage, blaming, criticizing, devaluing the other person, escalating, interrupting, preparing one's argument while the other is talking, intimidating, keeping score, lying, making assumptions, manipulating, needing total control, over-promising and under-delivering, raging and throwing things, shaming, threatening, using passive-aggressive comments and yelling.

Some of those things may be indicative of the house that you grew up in or the house that you may be in right now, and may be indicative of some unhealth that's going on when it comes to the communication and what's coming out of maybe your mouth or the people that are in your family.

So, what do you do?

What do you do?

Well, you take the words that you speak and what's going on.

And seeing the lesson from Jesus, you don't just think about the actions, but you begin to think about the heart.

That overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, is what the scripture teaches us.

And so across the room, in our homes, if we're participating in some of these things of slamming doors and yelling and cursing, hurting each other, threatening, being passive-aggressive.

All of us deal with conflict in different ways, but what does it look like for us to have healthy communication?

What it looks like us being available to one another and availability, listening, love, patience, empathy, understanding, believing the best in the other person, collaborative problem solving, giving the benefit of the doubt, grace balanced with truth, and a judgment-free zone.

See, because when ultimately we talk about what's healthy and the healthy way for us to communicate, it should be based on the example of Jesus and how he has loved us.

The fact that we when we speak, when we talk with those who are in our family, who are in our home, that there should be an overflow of love, of patience, of care, of grace, of truth, a lack of judgment.

And you only get that way when you are actively trying to make your words come in alignment with the way that Jesus wants you to speak and communicate.

You need the power of the Holy Spirit to help you do it.

Unhealthy habits that you may have gotten from somebody else or from your parents, grandparents, that now are coming out of you that need to be made subject to Jesus so that He can help you and change you to have the foundation stone of truth in your house.

Back when I had uh more time for this, I've done uh lots of uh premarital counseling with couples that are getting married.

And it's always fun sitting down with a couple that's getting married, and uh they're talking about you know what their marriage is gonna be like, and they have all these grand ideas, and you know, they've they've they've had a great, perfect relationship uh thus far, and they're just you know bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and have love in their heart and mine, and just so excited and excited for the wedding and all these uh all these things.

And when you're talking with when I've talked with them, and uh I get to the part where we're talking about communication, it's interesting, where they'll begin to speak about the fact that well, actually, you know, when we have had a fight before, she's just left and not tell me where she was going, taking some space, gotten angry.

Well, this is how you have communicated before in anger and begin to peel back the layers and begin to see that maybe there's more going on here in the communication that we may need to address.

And and and this is for all you all who are out there who are looking for someone to date here soon, I'll just tell you this.

When you are dating that person, they are on their very best behavior.

Even when you are engaged, they're still on their very best behavior.

So anything that was a problem in your relationship before you get married, it's only gonna get magnified when you do get married because they begin to be less on good behavior.

What I've shared with those, many of those couples about how to have healthy talk at home, first thing is to take time for one another.

You all know Emily and I, we both work full time.

We've got two kids.

We've got a baby.

We are busy.

You're busy.

Everybody's busy.

But something that Emily and I are very strategic to do every single week is on Sunday night.

We sit together.

We have a time where we talk through our week.

We talk through the calendar.

We connect on things.

And we have a set-aside time that we do every Sunday night.

Kids are in bed.

That's our appointment together with one another to take time for one another to talk about what's going on.

I highly recommend it.

The busyness of life and your flow and your schedule, the rhythm.

All of us are strapped for time, aren't we?

And so it's easy for us to, in our marriage relationship or even just within our own home, for us to be around each other, but not actually taking time for one another.

What does it look like for you to actually take time for the people who are in your house?

The second is to speak for yourself.

And this is one thing that I tell these soon-to-me-married couples that I think is some helpful advice for you as well.

Deal with your own family members.

The in-laws, the outlaws, all the different people who are an extended family.

Speak for yourself and for you all who are in those relationships, and there may be things that are happening right now with your in-laws and different boundaries to be set.

And I think that it is a great mindset for you, the husband, wife, for you to deal with your own family.

You want to know why?

Because it is much easier for the in-laws to villainize your spouse than it is you who's their blood relative.

There's conflict there, if something's come up, deal with your own family.

Have the conversation.

Speak for yourself to say, hey, mom, hey, dad, hey, so-and-so, hey, aunt, hey, uncle.

When this happened, I need to address this with you.

This is a way that you have hurt my spouse, you've hurt somebody in my family.

You all need to have a conversation.

But I'm letting you know, and you're dealing with your own family, you're speaking for yourself and advocating for your home and the boundaries that need to be set for you to have a healthy home together.

Hey, this is going on this right now, this boundary has been crossed.

I need to let you know, hey, this is this didn't just hurt my spouse, it hell, it hurt me.

I need to communicate it with you, I need to talk with you about it.

The third thing is understand that your partner's perceptions are different from yours.

To walk a mile in somebody else's shoes.

Boy, a lot of communication would be a lot better if we didn't start to villainize and tell a story about that person who hurt us or who we're angry at at our own home, but instead try to take a second and slip ourselves into their shoes.

To have empathy for them, to try to see it from their perspective and then really listen to where they're coming from.

Not only to really listen and to participate in active listening, but after hearing what they said, actually check out what they're saying and pay attention to what's going on.

Now I know there's nobody in the room that struggles with active listening in here.

I know for me, I'm there's times I'm in conversation and my brain's telling me, listen, listen, listen, pay attention.

Watch their mouth.

Don't get distracted.

Truly stay engaged.

Take a look at them.

And when we do so, when we do so, we have a life and an overflow that's filled with grace.

Colossians 4 6 says, let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Angola prison is Louisiana State Penitentiary.

It's uh the nation's largest maximum security prison.

And at one time it was considered the nation's most dangerous prison.

Until they got a new warden, Burl Kane.

Burl Kane was a lifelong Christian who was not shy to share his faith.

And when he took over as the warden of the prison, Cain instituted a number of different gospel-friendly initiatives within the prison, but he's going to be remembered most by the fact that he prohibited profanity by both the inmates and the guards.

That he knew that there was a relationship between words and behavior, and so he did the unthinkable and he outlawed cussing in the state pen.

Now you would think that a maximum security prison with 6,000 murderers, rapists, armed robbers, habitual felons that addressing that, there would be a lot bigger fish to fry than just profanity.

But the warden knew that when you give voice to unrighteous anger, it gets you one step closer to acting on it.

The year before Cain arrived as a prison warden at Angola, there were nearly 300 attacks on staff and 766 inmate-on-inmate assaults, half of which were with a deadly weapon.

Since Cain took over as warden, the inmate attacks on staff plunged nearly 70%.

The inmate-on-inmate violence dropped 44%.

Hundreds, if not thousands, of inmates, not just about cleaning up their mouth, the way that they communicated, but they also testified and followed Jesus.

You think about what comes out of our mouth, it has real implications.

And this is not a message just about not cussing at home.

It's so much deeper than that.

It's so much more true than just the profanity side, but what is your true communication?

What does it look like?

Is there loving words and are you active and having communication with those that you love in your home that is healthy, that is whole, that is pure, that is going to help you, and that's going to break generational habits and things that have put on you that you can transform and let Jesus have you take a step in the direction that he wants your life and family to go.

Because it's Jesus who told us that it's not what we put in our mouths that defile us, but it's what comes out of our mouth, and that when we have the gospel of Jesus, we move from defiled to delivered.

Isn't it interesting that Jesus knew the power of words that it came from the heart, that the mouth speak?

And isn't it interesting that the Gospel of John tells us that Jesus took on flesh, that the word became flesh and it dwelt among us.

You know, because it was Jesus who was there in the very beginning, when there was utter darkness, and just a word was spoken, let there be light, and the universe burst into existence.

That God was the one that hung the stars just with the statement, that Jesus knew the frequency of our mouth and what comes out of our mouth, that it has true power, and that the word of God became flesh in Jesus and dwelt among us, not that we would stay in the same place, but that we would move from a place of being far from Him in a system of sin and of heartache, of brokenness and despair, to be delivered, and to be saved.

And isn't it interesting?

And in Romans 10, the scripture tells us that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and you believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

God could have made salvation come in any way.

He could have said, you have to do this ritual.

He could have said, you know what, well, you need to have this amount of money and income to bring us a sacrifice.

But what he did was to tell us that what we needed to do was to open our mouth and let the power of our words come forward and speak and confess Jesus as Lord.

That the power of God in our lives comes from us speaking the truth and saying, Jesus, I confess you.

I believe you.

Change me.

Deliver me.

Maybe today for some of you in the room, you need to take the step to speak those words.

Jesus, save me.

I confess that you're a Lord.

Will you bow your head with me?

All across this room.

Lord, there's a desire for us to have healthy and whole homes.

And God, we can't skip over the fact that our words have power, power even of life and death.

And so, God, I pray over every man, woman, brother, sister, grandparent, husband, wife in the house today.

That God, that they would make their words, their communication, they would make it subject to you.

And in doing so, God, that you would fill their home with life, not death.

Life that's overflowing.

God, I pray right now, Lord, all across this room, if there's anyone here today that has not confessed you as Lord and received your salvation, that you be in heaven with them.

God, I pray that today will be the day.

That they would ask you, Jesus, to save them.

Everybody's head bowed, eyes closed, nobody looking around today.

If today is the day for you to confess Jesus as your Lord and Savior for the first time, I want to pray for you.

I want to encourage you.

If that's you today, I'm gonna I want to ask you to just raise your hand so I can see you.

Just real quick.

If that's you today, speak the word.

Speak it out.

Jesus, save me.

I believe that you died on the cross for my sins and that you're alive.

Forgive me.

Deliver me so I can be in heaven with you one day.

I give you my life as you gave yours for mine.

Thank you for saving me.

In Jesus' name.

And everybody said, Amen.

Church, will you stand together as we close?