Catching Feelings - More Than a Feeling

As you grab your seat, we're jumping into this new series, Catching Feelings.

And I'm excited about this next four weeks as we take a look at singleness, marriage, dating, drama, all the things that a lot of us are experiencing and trying to figure out how in the world do we navigate this crazy life of relationships.

And so uh no matter what you've what situation you've come into today, if you're just figuring it out, we're gonna open God's word and we're gonna take a look at what he has to say.

Um also uh be fun because so uh what you guys don't know about me and my wife have been married for almost 15 years, but we um we got very funny, that was twenty very few people haven't worn anymore.

Can we have a little bit of fun together?

One of the things that we're gonna do is over the next few weeks, we're gonna take a look at some different stories, different love stories within our church that hopefully are going to be an encouragement to you, gonna speak to you, and today you're gonna hear from some familiar faces to you as you're uh we're going to welcome the Zemans, Jonathan and Haley, to come and share their story.

So you would you put your hands together right now as Jonathan and Haley come to share with us about their relationship.

Y'all are gonna love this story.

So uh don't you just love this couple?

Man, we love them so much.

God's done so much in and through their life.

I had the honor to get to be a part of doing their wedding now.

How many years ago?

Almost four.

Almost four years ago.

And we sang that song, goodness of God, too.

Like a little deja vu.

Yeah.

And uh you all got married and then four days later moved to Frankfurt from Charleston.

And not a better way to start a moon was the trip to Kentucky.

Um which is amazing.

And uh, but I want you all to share for just a second.

Tell us how you all met.

Uh, just briefly tell us a story because I think it's gonna encourage some folks.

Well, I had to tell his parents the first time I met them, so I'll tell y'all.

Uh we met on Hinge, which was a dating app.

I was very much against it and some co-working.

It's still a dating app.

It is, it's the app meant to be deleted, apparently.

Okay, and we we deleted it.

Hey, hey men, hey, hey, hey, that's what I'm talking about.

Um, so yeah, so tell us a little bit more where we all living.

Did y'all know each other?

You know, how'd that meetup work out?

Hinge life, online dating.

Hinge life, yeah.

Uh so we were living in Charleston, uh South Carolina at the time.

Um, and our first date was at Kaminsky's, which is like a little dessert cafe downtown.

Um, how old were you all at this time?

How old were we?

Yes.

Uh 28.

Late 20.

27, 28.

27, 28, late 20s, yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

And you were working at a church.

Yep.

You were working at a different church, and somehow you all swiped and ended up at Kaminsky's.

Is that right?

She she swiped first.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Yeah, so so we did.

Uh, we we met on hinge and had our first little date.

I was in a really like place of like just trying to find that person, I guess, in my life.

And uh, it was one of those last ditch efforts.

I was like, all right, this is the last date I'm gonna go on.

If she doesn't work out, this is I'm I'm done for a while.

I'm I'm coming out of the pool for a bit.

So off the market.

Um, and uh Haley, you have a funny story about how I actually got onto Hinge.

Can you share that?

Yeah, so uh getting onto Hinge, I had some coworkers actually help me make a profile.

And then um I was literally on it for as a nurse, right?

Your nurse?

Yes, I was a nurse at a hospital and then also um working at uh church as well.

And so my coworkers at the hospital, they helped me make a profile, and I think I kept it for two weeks, and I was like, this is dumb.

I am not doing this.

But he already had my number, so it worked out.

Oh, that didn't work out.

So, okay, now uh isn't that just a great story, by the way?

Um and now more than ever, more relationships than ever right now are starting online and starting on these dating apps.

And so um I wonder uh a question for both of you now looking back, how did you how do you now see God's hand in the story of how you all met?

So thinking back about how we met, it was a very unique time uh because we uh I think had our first date the very end of February of 2020.

And then so a month later.

Yes, COVID hit.

And so during that time, I was also gone.

We were at a conference for church, so we had only gone on one or two dates, and so we could have very easily been like, oh, the world's shutting down, like I ain't going on a date with this guy anymore.

Um, but something in me, um it I was like, you know what, I think I think this guy is worth getting COVID from.

But it was just the timing of it, and honestly, we were forced to slow down.

Everything was shut down, so a lot of our dates were not in fancy restaurants or you know, going to the batting cages or the bowling alley or whatever it was.

It was yeah, and it was a lot of taking walks around my neighborhood, um, walking on a trail by where he lived.

I was never as fit in my life when I was dating her through COVID.

That's hilarious.

Oh, by the way, I've never had COVID, not one time.

She's had it like two or three times.

Yeah, I did not get it from him, but it really did force us to slow down.

And um, I think God's hand was in that because we are very busy people.

Um, if you've ever met Jonathan Zeman, he always has something going on.

He's always got his hand in some pot or some project or whatever it may be.

Um, and so without having the busyness of our lives there, we were forced to, you know, sit and really get to know each other and build that strong foundation.

And uh, if we weren't forced to do that, I don't think we would be where we are.

Yeah.

What say you?

How'd you see God's hand?

Yeah, so just to echo that, I mean, we it was a very intentional time of uh getting to know each other and uh just looking back at that moment and how God has kind of shaped where we're at now, obviously packing up everything we had and everything we knew, uh leaving South Carolina to come to Kentucky.

We I had never been to Kentucky.

The only thing I knew of Kentucky was like Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Like that's like all I knew about Kentucky.

Like, I didn't even know Frankfurt was on the map here, like much much less like I was moving to the capital of the state.

So I had no experience with Kentucky.

We had no ties or connections.

We just knew that you know, Forrest and Emily were coming to start a church, and even when we were uh engaged, we still didn't know where we were gonna be uh after we got married, and the Lord just kind of uh you know made it clear like, hey, this is the step I want you to take.

And so looking back at that, that's where I can see the Lord's hand was you know, speaking in those moments, and uh even though we didn't see the full picture, like now we have some of our closest friends and and people that we get to call family here now.

And uh so yeah, I mean the Lord's hand has been through it from the start, even when we didn't really feel or see it completely.

And that has to be an encouragement to to some, and I want to turn to deepen this uh conversation as an encouragement to those that are listening, maybe even those right now who are single or are dating about trust.

And um it's kind of it's it's encouraging to me to see how God wrote your old story as an encouragement to some.

If you're in your late 20s, you get on a dating app and you happen to find someone who is filled with character and love Jesus.

Um and I think so oftentimes modern dating and apps and all that, you know, it it gets a bad rap, a lot of which is deserved.

Um, but also thinking about uh would you all just speak to a second about your trust in the Lord for your dating life, how you all ended up um meeting, falling in love, joining together, and uh speak to that trust for a second as hopefully an encouragement to somebody who right now is maybe just wondering, like, okay, God, is is is what I'm doing, is this ever gonna amount to anything?

Are you even seeing me?

Have you abandoned me?

Am I always gonna be alone?

Um, people who are thinking that, um, or people who are dating right now and they're trying to figure out, okay, well, how do I actually do this in 2025?

So can you talk about the trust for a second and how you trusted the Lord?

Yeah, I had to lean on the Lord a lot because in my life I had seen a lot of infidelity, um, both being on the receiving end of it, um, and then also seeing my mom go through that with with my dad and them divorcing after 25 years of marriage.

And and so a lot of whenever I would go into a potential relationship, all of that was always in the back of my mind, and the devil was always like, Well, that's gonna be you too.

You're just gonna get cheated on.

And so I looked a lot to place my trust in that person though.

But until I placed my trust in God and surrendered my life to him and and my will, what I wanted, that was kind of when things start felling falling into place.

And that's why I deleted the app too, because I was like, that was when I finally got to a place of surrender in my life.

And that's not the formula by any means for you know, as soon as you surrender everything, God's gonna drop someone in your lap.

Exactly.

Um, but that's what it took for me to surrender what I wanted to him and trust him with whatever that looked like.

And that looked like meeting Jonathan and dating through COVID.

Um, but I had also not dated a Christian man before.

Um, so I had to trust him and knowing what that looked like, seeking wisdom from him.

Um, and so it hadn't stopped there either in dating.

It it goes straight to straight into marriage as well.

Right.

Because marriage is not the end game.

It's not, you haven't arrived once you get married.

So I've carried a lot of that still with me and have to trust him daily to to get those lies out of my head from the enemy of like that still could be you.

He's still gonna cheat on you, or whatever it looks like.

Um, so it's been a lot of daily trusting Lord through dating, but now marriage too.

A lot more y'all should have said amen right there.

Y'all should have been amen in that whole time because that was thank you for sharing that.

You shared a lot of deep stuff right there, and I hope that um you all can see and and see the encouragement because just a just a just a shameless brag on this couple for a second.

Um after four years of marriage, two little girls.

Um what's amazing is even though you all have been married for you know four years, myself and all of us can learn a lot from your all's marriage, the way you all have committed to one another, how you've been on mission for the kingdom together, how you've supported each other this entire time through really challenging, uh really challenging four years of pouring out, and not only that, for them the whole time to be disciple makers, which is what we see as maturity in Christ.

So I just endorsement right here.

Um if you want to talk to somebody and need to get some perspective, pull one of these two aside because they're gonna be able to encourage you and they're speaking from authority.

Um Jonathan?

Yeah.

We couldn't be more opposite people if you know us.

Surprise, surprise.

Um so for me though, like whereas she had uh experience with infidelity within her family, uh, I I did not.

Like my my parents were like the perfect example of a couple um and what in my opinion, what marriage should look and and and feel like.

And uh even even now, I mean, they're just like the match made in heaven, but um, and and so I that that was my experience growing up.

So for me, learning of uh you know Haley's experience, it was trusting the Lord that He was gonna help me uh be an example to not to just in her life, but now our daughters' lives, of what a good godly man uh should be uh in a marriage and uh and and in relationship too, just generally speaking.

And uh so it's been a lot of trust on that level of just trusting that the Lord is going to help me be that that person that I need to be to be that example because I had not experienced that before.

I've I've had like kind of distant you know experiences with it, but nothing super personal to where I had to navigate that myself.

So uh coming into this, there was a lot of conversation with the Lord.

I'm like, God, uh these are feelings and emotions and conversations I've never had before.

I need you to help me because I did not know how to handle that.

And those first few conversations we had were kind of tough.

And um I I just remember really, you know, having to go to the Lord with it because even still there's there's times where I'm just like I I I don't have that experience.

So Lord, I need you to give me that wisdom so I can help in this moment and lead how I need to lead.

That's good.

And thinking about how God has now answered those prayers and the leadership that you are showing.

Um it's just an affirmation.

And I know you all feel the same way about this couple.

And so I want us to take a second to pray over their marriage and family.

If y'all would agree in prayer uh with me now, Father.

We thank you, Lord, for the Zemens.

We thank you, Father, for how blessed we are to be in their lives.

Father, thank you, Lord, for the strong, mighty home that you are building through them and in them.

Father, I pray right now for their little girls and for their future, Father.

We're grateful, Lord, for the example that they're now setting.

Father, I thank you for just the redemptive arc that you're showing also in their life, God.

And ultimately, Father, how you've placed them in a uh in a position, Father, that they're honoring you with not only their marriage, but also their love for you, God and for the kingdom and for those that are being discipled and growing.

And Father, we don't take those things for granted.

But we pray protection over their home and against the enemy who wants to steal, kill, and destroy.

God, we pray a hedge over them, Father, Lord, as they're pouring out.

God, we know that you're going to help them to continue to walk in the character and the purity, Lord, that you um have already allowed them to walk in.

So, Father, we thank you, we praise you in Jesus' name, amen.

Will y'all give it up for this awesome couple and thank them?

Woo! Gosh, y'all are awesome.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

How many of you all have heard the phrase happily ever after?

All of us.

Now, how many of you have actually seen it?

That's a much smaller group of folks.

As I jump into this message and this beginning of catching feelings, I wanted to share a couple of things with you.

One, each of these messages, I'm gonna attempt to speak to those who are singled, who are dating, who are married each week as we go through this series so that we don't have like a whole Sunday where it's a sermon that doesn't apply to you.

But what that what that is entailing is that there's a lot of content.

I'm probably trying to do too much with this sermon, okay?

So I'm just gonna tell you that from the jump.

But I want to start with a couple disclaimers.

One, you heard before that today's message is uh got some mature themes around relationship and intimacy, and so it's good for us to talk about these topics openly and honestly, but that means that it's gonna be PG 13 today.

So if you're a parent and you have a kid in here that is uh of birth through fifth, we have an amazing kids environment right across the hallway.

This would be a great Sunday for them to try that out today.

So they'll be ready to receive you.

So if you want to take a kid over there, um that is your discretion.

And then the second disclaimer I want to start with today, which is uh even more serious, is that um hearing from ladies in the past who have experienced physical abuse in relationship, I want to let you know that today's principles that we're gonna discuss do not apply to your situation.

Um your immediate safety is top priority.

Okay and so you uh need to take steps to separate yourself from that environment and get the uh local authorities involved and those that you trust involved in this situation.

And it's important for me to say that on the outlet or the the very beginning of this.

I may even say it each week, just so that if any of you who are in that situation, and we have had a number of ladies in our church who have been in that situation, um, it's easy for the the enemy to trick you and think if I just do these things, it will get better.

But you need to take immediate action.

Everybody understand that?

Can you say amen to that?

That's an important thing for us to say.

So we've been in this modern dating experience and experiment for only about a hundred years.

Dating, how it looks now, where a boy meets a girl, go we go out on the town, go out on dates, you separate from the family unit, you go into isolation, has only been really happening for about a hundred years, this experience, this experiment, and the result, it's an absolute mess.

We can all probably agree on that.

See, what we're going to dive into is that love isn't just a feeling, it isn't just uh chemistry, it's not just butterflies, it's not just an emotional high, but instead it's about commitment built on God's design that is brilliant, that is from his scriptures, not the Hollywood script.

See, I think it's very possible that what the world is selling to us is a broken blueprint for love.

And what we need to do is to call it out, to speak it out, and to begin to transform the way that we look at the world and look at these relationships, and that we need to do away with in our minds what we have been trained to see, which is the Hollywood honeymoon version of marriage and dating, that your entire life is gonna be this unending uh Hollywood dream.

And y'all have heard that the devil is a lie, Disney is also a lie.

Um the average rom-com, the couple and actually gets together on average one minute and 48 seconds before the end of the movie.

So the way that Hollywood portrays and gives any kind of blueprint about what a happy dating life or marriage life really is non-existent.

Really, just Hollywood's kind of just selling us this fantasy.

And isn't just about Hollywood, but it's this lie that love is a feeling instead of a commitment.

And that has been crushing hearts since middle school crushes and relationships and marriages ending in divorce, and there's this problem of Hollywood selling to us this fake version of love, and we have uh bought this lie from the culture that love is a feeling instead of a decision.

And it's it's wrecked marriages, it's uh led to heartbreaks, and so and ultimately it has put us on a pathway of chasing chemistry and feelings instead of commitment.

But there's a much uh there's a lot of difference between being in love and being in lust.

And so we're gonna dive into today what God's design, what his order is, and we're gonna start all the way back at the beginning because God ordained, he uh designed, he prepared, and he performed the first ever wedding in the very beginning in Genesis in the Garden of Eden.

See, God created the world, he created Adam, and he said it was good.

And then he said, It's not good for man to be alone.

But Adam wasn't alone, he was with God.

But what God was getting at was that it's not good for man to be alone without other human relationships, and so because.

Because of that, the first marriage is performed, and the first woman is created.

And so we're going to take a look at that real quick, and I'm going to prove to you why this is still relevant today.

Genesis 2, verse 22 through 24.

Genesis 2:22–24

Then the Lord made a woman from the rib, he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man, and the man said, This is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman.

She's been taken out of, for she has been taken out of man.

This is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Now, why in the world is this picture still relevant today in the conversation of marriage and dating?

The reason why it's still relevant today is because this is what Jesus believed was God's design.

This was the romance that Jesus affirmed.

Jesus is cornered again by these Pharisees, these religious teachers, who were trying to ask him to give commentary on the brokenness of the day, where at this point marriage had devolved into this place where people were just giving out uh divorce papers left and right for anything and everything.

Women had almost no value outside of property, and so man, the man had total control, and basically, if he was displeased with pretty much anything about her, he could have, he could give her a certificate of divorce.

And the Pharisees try to trap and ask Jesus about this very thing, and this is recorded a couple of times in the Gospels.

I want us to look at the Matthew account of this in 19.

Some Pharisees, this is verse 3, some Pharisees came to him to test him, and they asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

Verse 4.

Haven't you read, Jesus replied, that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female?

And he said, This for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

So they are no longer two but one flesh.

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Jesus affirms the design that God put into place in the very beginning.

And he reaffirms this to all these religious leaders, and he presses in on the truth that God's design is for two to then become one.

This one flesh that's extremely important to God and to your spiritual health.

You know that studies show that the more sexual partners that somebody has before marriage raises the likelihood of divorce later.

That's because there's something deeply spiritual about when you become one flesh with someone else.

Now, let me hit rewind for just a second.

Is that okay?

Because I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

There are probably some of you right now who are saying, Forrest, um, I'm not even close to being married to someone right now.

Uh, how do I even begin to find someone like that?

And I also want to recognize the fact that in 2025, singleness looks a lot of different ways now.

There's a diversity of who is single.

Some who uh are young and just trying to find that person that they can marry and live a long life with, some who have found themselves single because of divorce later in life or have been widowed.

Now, some in the room are single by choice, and but there are probably some in the room who are single and you never expected to be single.

Whether that was because of divorce or loss or a heartbreak.

Um what we need to press into and see is that just because you may be single right now, that doesn't mean that your story is on pause or that somehow you've missed your chance.

You know, God isn't withholding something from you right now, he's working something in you.

Now, I want us to, again, as we're rewinding and taking a look at singleness, I want us to look uh at a passage from someone who in the scripture who was single by choice, who was the apostle Paul, who gave instructions in and around marriage and singleness.

And we'll be looking at more of this as the weeks to come, but I want us to just zero in real quick on 1 Corinthians 7, 7 through 9, where Paul says, I wish that all of you were as I am, which is a fact that he was unmarried.

But each of you has your own gift from God.

One has this gift, another has that.

I just want to pause for a second so that you see that Paul speaks of singleness as a gift.

And then he says, Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say, it is good for them to stay unmarried as I do, but if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it's better to marry than to burn with passion.

Now, I was definitely one of the ones in the category of burning with passion, okay?

A life of singleness uh was not my gift or gonna be a part of the plan.

Um, and mainly in some way, that's because uh I in my single life, I thought that I wasn't complete without finding the one.

But here's the truth: no one outside of Jesus can truly complete you.

This concept of the one, the soulmate, the string, the thread that ties people together around the earth, all of that has nothing to do with God's design.

It's not even logic, it doesn't even logically make sense because if one person gets that wrong, the whole world is off.

This whole concept of there just being this one, but instead what we should think about is that God is our one.

And now we're out searching for that person who would then be our number two.

See, you may be in the situation where you feel like that singleness is just this waiting room for marriage, that real life starts after you find someone, but that's not what the scripture teaches.

See, listen to me.

The world treats singleness like a problem to be solved, but God sees it as a season to be stewarded.

Later in this passage, Paul talks about the fact that to be single gives you the opportunity to be have an undivided devotion to the Lord.

And so my encouragement to all those who are single right now is for those singles for you to steward your season well.

Steward your season.

Not just thinking about this problem to be solved, but instead, in the moment, whether it's long-term singleness or for it's just for this season, for you to see this singleness as a calling, not a curse.

And for you to recognize the fact that you are the bride of Christ if you are his follower.

The fact that you're loved, that you're chosen, that he cares for you, that Jesus wants to fulfill and complete you, even if you may not be in the relationship that you want right now.

Now, what do you do while you're single?

There's very uh simple uh actually four D's that you can do while you're single: devotion, difference, distraction, and discover.

But we're gonna talk about that next week.

Of what how you steward this time.

But what the world is telling you is that your life is incomplete without the soulmate.

That if you're single too too long, then there's something must be wrong with you.

Or well, you should just settle so that you aren't lonely anymore.

But marriage doesn't complete you.

No person can fully complete you, and your relationship status, your relationship status, it doesn't define your purpose.

God does.

See, you don't need a relationship to have a purpose.

Your calling isn't on pause until you find this one person.

We see it throughout the scriptures.

The apostle, apostle Paul, who was single, many Christian leaders, and Jesus himself, who is single.

And these folks obviously changed the world.

So if you're single, instead of just waiting around for love, start walking in your purpose.

And if you're in this season of singleness, be growing in your faith, be growing in your character, be growing in your calling.

Now, some of y'all are asking, okay, all right, Forrest, I got that.

I'm walking in singleness, I'm doing my best.

I'm here right now on a snowy Sunday.

I'm trying my very best to grow in Christ and be someone who He's called me to be and walk in my purpose.

But where in the world do I start when it comes to dating?

Because I've never I've never dated on God's terms.

So I want to kind of peel back to like the very basic 101 level, okay?

The 101 level of God's design for marriage is that you marry another believer.

2 Corinthians 6.14 says, Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.

For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?

Or what do what fellowship can light have with darkness?

What a yoke is, it's this harness that you put on an animal to pull a plow or to pull a wagon.

And if you put the yoke onto two different animals, like a donkey and an ox, all you're gonna do is go in circles on your wagon.

And in the very same way, if you are attempting to try to date someone who is not a believer in Jesus, your life is gonna go in circles and you're gonna beat your head against the wall of the same problems over and over and over again.

Because the scripture tells us that we need to be in relationship with those that are saved.

How, what does light have to do with darkness?

So I just want to from the jump say that dating needs to start with you dating another believer in Jesus.

Um, when you're getting into dating, this is where the catch and feelings start happening.

And for me, I know uh I've been in a relationship or two where I have just ignored all the all the red flags because of the feelings and the chemistry.

And many times I have been the red flag in the situation, and I told myself, you know what, it's all just it's all gonna work out, but it didn't.

That's not how it works.

And maybe you're dating someone, and deep down you know that this isn't leading somewhere good, but right now you feel too emotionally attached to let it go.

I I want to give you a linchpin verse for dating right now.

This is one like highlight, write it down, put it on the put it on the dashboard, put it on the bathroom mirror.

And this linchpin verse comes from Proverbs 31, where the writer of Proverbs is talking about this very godly woman.

And this scripture that I think should inform the way that you think about dating in 2025 is Proverbs 31, 30, and it says this truth Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

What that means is that the charm of somebody's profile on the app, of all the ways that they're making themselves look really, really good, because nobody, you know, it's the highlights, right?

You know, and you know, those guys on there, they're not six women.

They're not six women, they're just putting that in there for the filter, okay?

They got the smooth talk, what their opening line is, all the charm, but charm is deceptive.

And guys, if all you're doing is swiping and swiping and swiping on people that you don't think look the way that you want somebody to look, can I tell you that beauty is fleeting?

Beauty, it doesn't last.

It's for a moment, but uh a woman who fears the Lord, who has true character, that's who should be praised.

And so here's the principle for you.

As you're dating, I want you to choose character over chemistry.

Now, is attraction important?

Obviously, it is.

It's important, it's important, but it is only skin deep, right?

And it's something that is fleeting, and so I want you to begin to choose someone's character over the feelings and have a level of objectivity.

That's what this means, guys.

I want you to find the hottest, holiest girl that you know and take her on a date.

That's the continuum.

Hottest, holiest.

And I can say with a ton of confidence that's who I found and my wife Emily.

Hottest and holiest.

That means that both you and the person that you are trying to date, you both of these people need to be pursuing godly character in their life right now in dating.

Is this person going to get you closer to God?

If you date this person for a long time, will they leave you and will you leave them better than you found them?

Or are they gonna drag you down?

See, Proverbs tells us that we should guard our heart, for everything flows from it.

And so we need to be equally yoked.

And I want you to listen to this, guys, and girls specifically, girls.

I want you to be looking at patterns, not potential.

I want you to be looking at patterns of character and behavior.

And so this isn't Bible, this is just like a forest-like thing, but I love to suggest to people for them to date somebody for all four seasons so that they can see the patterns of that person's life and character.

Because people get they get crazy in the wintertime.

We know that.

Exactly.

So you want to see the pattern of their life and what the character is that they're producing, and you want to be able to see that person, not just be obsessed as thinking about who they could be or who that you could possibly change them and make them to be.

People can change, but it normally takes a long time and a lot of hard work.

And so be realistic.

You're choosing character over chemistry.

Yes, is attraction important?

It's important.

So as you're searching, look for that person who is holiest and hottest for you to take out.

And just because somebody has a Bible verse in their bio does not mean that they're truly following Jesus.

Now, I'm I I do actually think that this is the case.

I do think that you are gonna find people who are trying their best to walk out and grow in their character inside of the local church.

Not necessarily, I'm not just saying like our church, but I'm just saying church in general.

Now, that's not everywhere, obviously.

There are guys and girls that are that are going to church and their their character is trash.

And you can find them.

But there are people that you can actively see their pursuit of Christ, of wanting to be close to the Lord.

See, the world right now is not dating with intention, it's just swiping through options.

And it puts us in this place that we're gonna talk about uh next week or the or the week after, that puts us in a in a place where we're not necessarily thinking about these long-term implications because it's so easy to sit and swipe.

We're not thinking about the fact, not just are we dating a good person, but are we dating someone in a way that honors God and do they honor God?

See, we need to choose the filter of faith more than the filter of height.

News flash for you all, a six-pack can't pray and can't get a 401k.

So, ladies, beauty is fleeting, charm is deceptive, but the world is just constantly telling you follow your heart.

Well, if it feels good, then do it.

It's you know what, let's just let's just bump all this.

You know what?

Let's just let's just try to figure this out.

You know, let's just move in together and figure out if we're compatible and test this out together.

Like let's just, that feels right, that feels like a good thing that we should do, but love isn't built on feelings, it's built on faithfulness.

See, dating isn't just about testing compatibility, it's about preparing for commitment.

Emily and I, when we started dating in college, um at this point, God had called me into ministry, and we were really doing our best to walk in faithfulness to God in our dating life.

And so we were dating, uh, I was at Cumberland, she was at UK, so we were spending lots of time together on the weekends and would go and see each other throughout the week.

And because of that, a lot of times when she came to uh to Cumberland, we had a lot of time like out in public and in the car, and we had lots and lots of opportunity and temptation for us to not have integrity with one another, but I want you all to know that uh Emily and I, we were able to remain pure for four years of dating until we completed college and got married.

Now, I'm I'm only saying that to you right now.

I'm only saying that to you all right now because what I'm speaking to you, I'm not speaking as someone who doesn't have authority.

And I'm not asking you to do something that I haven't already done.

Now, we'll talk about it next week, but I'll have to share with you how incredibly difficult that was to do.

It was incredibly hard.

It was incredibly challenging.

And I want to be able to share with you all how we were able to do that because what right now we see from the modern dating design is that you meet, you have sex, try to figure out if you're then compatible, and then maybe commitment.

But God's design is completely opposite of that, it's that.

You meet someone and then you commit to them in an exclusive dating relationship, then you grow in compatibility and in companionship, and then that one day leads to fully, complete emotional, spiritual, and physical intimacy through character, through your commitment and through marriage.

Let me put it to you this way: the world tells you pleasure first, testing second, commitment last.

God tells you commitment first, companionship second, intimacy third.

The blueprint is off.

And so you have to ask yourself, okay, am I dating right now with intention?

Am I just dating for fun?

Am I more focused on how I feel right now than who I am in Christ?

Am I submitting my relationship to God?

Or am I just following my feelings and my emotions?

Now, some of you in the room, you're like, Forrest, this is all great, but this dating ship has sailed.

I am Mayor Reed.

This does not apply.

Where it does apply, and this one's for the guys, you better date your wife or somebody else will.

Let me say it again.

You better date your wife or somebody else will.

Dating, that pursuit, is something that needs to continue on throughout your whole relationship, is the pursuit of a woman's heart.

This looked a lot of different ways for Emily and I.

We've tried to prioritize date night, what we're doing this year.

So just let you know that we're switching up the strategy.

We got uh we got uh uh inspired by by the sales who do this, but on the our wedding date, we now that date we're trying to take a do a date night every single month on that date to make sure that we have a date night at least once a month.

Now, we a lot of times get more than that in, and let me tell you guys, like uh it it doesn't matter if it is takeout from Taisma or if you're taking them to her to Tony's in Lexington, like that doesn't matter.

What matters is the pursuit, what matters is the intention.

What matters is you being committed to her, and vice versa.

Let me give you a little instruction here for the married in the in the house from this passaging Colossians 3 13.

Bear with each other and forgive one another.

If any of you has a grievance against someone, forgive as the Lord forgave you.

And over all these virtues, put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Um marriage, again, in the movies, is oftentimes just portrayed as this never-ending excitement and romance and passion.

And the married people in the room, you know that that is a lie.

But instead, that love is a daily choice.

And maybe you're married in the room right now, and those feelings they aren't as strong as they once were, and you're wondering how in the world do I make this choice?

And there's a part of being married that is a picture of being in a love relationship that continually gives grace to one another.

What this passage says is that to forgive as God has forgiven you.

Now, this one's gonna be for free.

I normally give this to couples that I do premarital counseling with.

I don't really do premarital counseling anymore, so I'm gonna give it all to y'all right now.

And for some of you, this may be too late, but it's not too late because you can start it now.

I want to tell you this the person that you choose to marry, you're choosing to forgive them for the rest of your life.

Oftentimes for the same thing over and over and over again.

So make sure the person that you say I do to is somebody who you are willing to forgive again and again and again and again and to show grace towards.

Anybody hear me?

Because what we're doing in marriage, and here's the principle, we're cultivating commitment over chemistry.

Chemistry, it's important.

It's important, but it's the commitment that we're making in marriage that is what's the picture of Christ.

But the world tells you, hey, if you're not happy, leave.

Marriage is just a piece of paper.

Well, if they don't keep the spark alive, well then it's over.

But maybe, just maybe, maybe marriage isn't about you being happy all the time, as it is a picture of the holiness of God and his love, and his grace, and his devotion.

See, a love that starts and is based on lust, rather than love, it rarely lasts.

But a love that's rooted in Christ.

It's one that's gonna last not just because you're so great, but because it's God's power flowing through you.

Now you may be in the room today and you're like, you know what, Forrest, um, that's great for other people, but my marriage is already broken.

I'm I'm committed, but it's like one-sided right now.

I'm the only one who's fighting.

My spouse isn't fighting.

I want you to hear me, hear me clearly.

There is still hope.

Our God is a God who is in the business of restoration, and that includes marriages.

He wants to restore, he wants to redeem, and I wonder if before you give up, you'll give God the chance to change the future.

To continue to give grace and to continue to pursue him like Christ has pursued you.

See, that's what that's what we're ultimately talking about here.

See, aren't you glad that God's love is not based on feelings, but it's based on his commitment to us, that he loved us so much that Jesus was willing to literally die for us so that he could be in right relationship with us.

He loved us so dearly that he demonstrated his own love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5, 8.

He knew our flaws, he knew our mess ups, he knew all of our sin, and he loved us anyway, and committed himself to us all the way to death.

And that's the picture of marriage, of a covenant relationship, not just a contract.

See, some of us have fallen into this trap of it's like, well, you know, if if it doesn't work out, like, you know, let's get married, let's just try it out, see what happens.

Like it's just a contract.

There's some loopholes in there.

Or what we see from the scripture is that this picture of marriage is the picture of Christ and the church and the covenant that He's made to you and to me, poured out for somebody else here on earth.

And I don't have time to get into all that, and we're gonna get into all that in the weeks to come, but what I want you to know is that today I'm glad that God didn't just choose to fall out of love with us, or based on the feelings and based on our rebellion, but instead that he chose love.

So are you letting Hollywood define your relationships, or are you letting our holy God transform you into his likeness?

What's the influence right now that's you're allowing to flow towards you?

And I want to challenge us to redefine our love based on his word and his love for us.

So you may be in the room today and you're you have not yet received Jesus as your savior and the fact that he died on the cross for you to literally purchase your salvation to forgive you so that you could be one day in fully, pure, unadulterated, amazing, passionate, caring, true love, godly love in heaven one day.

Today, make that decision.

There's a card under your seat, check the box.

I want to follow Jesus.

I want to be baptized, I want to take this step.

Maybe some of you, as you're walking out today, you're thinking, okay, I need to begin to take a look at how I'm dating, how I'm thinking about the fact that I'm single right now, and I'm thinking about it as a curse, but I need to reframe it.

You need to evaluate are you on God's path?

Are you on culture's path for you?

And some of you need to have a conversation with your spouse about realigning your marriage with God's purpose and Jesus' example for you.

So I want to just pray over all of us now.

Father, we we've shared so much today, we've spoken so much today, Father, about the way that you love us and the picture of what marriage, relationships, dating, singleness should look like.

And Father, each one of us have something, God, that we need to turn over to you and allow to be transformed.

And so, Father, I just pray right now, God, across this room, if there's anybody in this place who's not received you as Savior, today would be the day of their salvation.

Today would be the day that they follow you, that they give their heart and life to you.

Father, I pray for every person in this room, God, no matter where they're at, dating, and marriage, singleness, Father, what they're dealing with, God, I pray right now that, Lord, they know that you see them, that you love them, that you want to walk with them, that you want to fulfill them.

Through your mighty power.

We thank you, we praise you in Jesus' name.

Everybody sin.

Amen.

Church, will you stand your feet as we worship one true God together?