Catching Feelings - Love is Blind

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

So glad that you're here this morning.

As we are in week two of our catching feelings series.

And one thing that we have been doing over the last uh couple weeks is that you've been able to hear from a couple in our church about how they met.

And uh today we're gonna hear from the newest newlyweds at Multiply Church.

The youngest marriage, they've been married for three months.

So yeah, they've got uh a lot of marriage advice today.

No, no, they're not giving marriage advice, but they're telling their story about what God's done in their life.

So I'd love for you to welcome Austin and Millie Sleosher as they come up now to share with you all.

You all are going to love uh this awesome, you're gonna love this story uh with these two.

Man, God has just done so much.

And uh and honestly, their story is like adorable.

So just uh be ready.

So tell us uh tell us tell us how you guys met.

So me and Austin first met um near the end of 2023 because we both work downtown, just like right across the road from each other.

We still do.

Um, but he would come into the coffee shop just about every day I worked, so I was very familiar with who he was, but we were both from relationships at the time, so we never really talked or got to know each other.

Um but yeah, flash forward a few months.

So you met in real life?

Yes, in real life.

Which is like crazy, right?

That's like I heard of yes, yes, that's uh unheard of.

But yeah, a few months later, towards the end of that year, we both, just about a week apart from each other, um, got out of the relationships we were in at the time, which were just not God honoring at all.

So we took the step and got out of those relationships.

And then a week or two later, um, my family had been looking for a new church home, and I had heard all kinds of things about multiply from Austin and other people who went here, but I knew he came here.

So um we came, I think it was the first Sunday in January, and then later that night I found him on a dating app.

So uh it was meant to be.

Okay.

Now um first off, there's a lot of worse reasons to come to church than uh a reason that she just uh gave.

But uh, what was the dating app?

It was Bumble.

Okay.

So for those of us that are too old to know what Bumble is, what is Bumble?

Um, the girl makes the first move.

I had to slide in.

You had to slide in the DMs.

Okay.

Um but you had uh seen each other at church, and then you realized that you all, you know, were like, you know, available for dating.

And uh, oh gosh.

And obviously there was interest there, and um I I've gotten to have a kind of a front row seat to their dating relationship.

I got to do their premarital uh counseling, and um, you know, it's it's really cool to see what God has done in and through their story because um also I want you to share about how you've seen God play this out because like you said before, you know, um this was kind of like you're all first go at dating in a godly way.

And um would you share some of that?

Yeah, uh so yeah, like like we said before, you know, being able to walk hand in hand with somebody who is you know spiritually in the same place as you, uh, and you know, somebody who is also, you know, individually, you know, working to honor God and working to to uh you know glorify his kingdom and things like that, you know, uh and then just taking that and being able to just run full sprint together, you know, towards God uh with our day-to-day lives, and then being able to just hold hands and go into it together, you know, you know, as individuals and now together with God.

Um so it was just great to see you know that and to live it and experience that, you know.

It's completely like groundbreaking to be in a relationship like that.

And Austin, you you've been a part of multiple for a couple of years, but before that you were kind of like away from the Lord, right?

Oh yeah, absolutely.

And God's done this incredible restoration and redemption type thing going on in your story, yeah.

And then God then aligns these two together to then see that redemption story uh happen even more.

Isn't that awesome, church?

That's a beautiful thing.

That's a beautiful thing.

Um also uh the fact that uh I I I I didn't do their wedding, but I got to go to their wedding, and um the day of the wedding, uh they both like the both downtown businesses shut down for the wedding, which apparently apparently that's the plot of like a Hallmart movie that the couple meets and he's at the coffee shop and then they close the businesses down and have the big wedding.

I don't watch Hallmart movies, but apparently like that's like uh it's pretty adorable what the Lord has done.

And um, Emily, why don't you share like how how have you seen God's hand in this for you?

Yeah, I mean it's like he said, it's just been eye-opening, really, to walk tandem with somebody who has the exact same values as you.

And it just, I think, even though life can throw its curveballs at you, yeah, trusting God through all that, and then having somebody else who's on the same path, on the same walk, who you know is talking to God also, you're in this together and you'll get through it, you know, whatever God has planned.

And you know, again, I've had a front row seat to their relationship and them honoring God and their dating relationship, but also them just serving the Lord um separately.

You all seen Austin, he plays drums up here, you see him uh playing drums and leading worship, you see Emily, she serves uh with uh in our lobby and guest services, and um both of you are like pursuing God individually, and then now he's brought you all into this marriage where you are now honoring God even more.

And something you all don't know is that Austin and Emily right now are apprenticing to become the leaders of a small group that Emily and I, my wife and I are leading right now, and to think about them stepping into marriage and God, the redemptive work that God has done in your all's lives in like two years and the spiritual growth that's happened, and now they're gonna be discipling others.

Come on, somebody.

Like, isn't that just like a picture of the kingdom and of God?

And um I'm believing big for this couple and for their future and faith over them that God's gonna use them um powerfully to impact other people that are they're gonna get to they're gonna get to minister to, they're gonna get to encourage and share with.

I know you feel the same way.

And what I want to do is is pray to that ends because I want to see um I I'm believing and knowing that God's gonna use your marriage as a picture of the way that Christ loves the church and for you all uh in your marriage for years and years and decades and decades to come.

Amen.

Um, so would you all join me as we pray right now over them, Father?

I just want to pray, God, and just thank you, Lord, for your goodness and your mercy towards us.

Father, I want to pray specifically now.

God, and present to you Austin and Emily and this uh home that now has been established.

Father, I thank you, Lord, for the redemptive story that you have written with them.

God, thank you, Lord, that you love them so much, Father, and that God uh they have have uh done all that they could, Father, to walk in your footsteps in your way.

And God, we know, Lord, that you've been with them every single step.

And so, Father, I just want to pray right now and ask God for favor and blessing over their marriage.

Father, I pray favor and blessing over their home, their future family.

God, I pray, Lord, for them uh uh financial blessing and peace, Father.

I pray, God, for them to uh walk through life's challenges together, uh, Lord, as uh as a husband and wife, Father, fully devoted to you and to one another.

And God, I just want to right now, Father, agree in prayer, God, that you're gonna use their marriage to be a blessing to many people.

So, Father, I just speak that over them now and we ask it over them, Lord.

We declare it over them now, Father, that Lord, uh the the good work that you've already begun, that God, you're gonna bring it to completion.

And so we thank you, we praise you in Jesus' name.

Everybody said, Amen.

Will you give it up for this couple?

Like, the sweetest.

Y'all are the sweetest.

Love you guys.

Yeah, they are like, they are so adorable.

Um, as uh I'm jumping into this week two of our series, catching feelings.

I want to uh start with a couple of disclaimers um for you.

Uh one of those being that this is week two, and it's it's kind of like episode two in the series.

And so if you missed last week, I would uh ask for you to, after the message today, for you to go and to listen to week one on our website.

You go to multiply ky.com sermons, listen to last week's sermon because this sermon is going to build off of last week's sermon as a foundation.

And so before you get like offended by what I say today and and upset, I want you to listen to the first part of this as we go into the second part and uh to give you the full context.

Now, the second thing I want to share with you as uh as a disclaimer that was shared earlier, that today's message uh is uh it is mature themes and about relationship, intimacy.

And so if there are any uh kids that are in the room, I'm uh asking for them uh to we have a great safe environment right across the way here for birth through fifth grade that's safe.

They love they're gonna hear about Jesus, it's awesome.

Uh the the the message today is not necessarily safe for little ears today in this room.

So um but ask for you to take those kids over that way.

And then the last disclaimer which I said last week is that I've I've heard from ladies in the past who um have experienced physical abuse in relationships, and the principles that we're gonna discuss discuss today do not apply to your situation.

Um if you are in that scenario, your immediate safety is top priority, and you need to take steps to separate yourself from that situation and get local authorities and people that you trust involved.

Sometimes there's a temptation to think, well, if I'm in this situation, if I just do this a little bit better, if I do that a little bit better, things will change.

I'm telling you, that's not what we're that's we don't want to feed into that lie today.

We want you to get help.

Amen.

Um, we want you to uh be well and be safe and take the appropriate steps.

Good.

All right, now I'm ready to get going.

And the title of my message today is Love is Blind.

Turn to your neighbor and say Love is Blind.

It's a popular TV show on Netflix.

Love is Blind.

You may have seen it before.

It is a crazy show.

Do not recommend.

But the the premise of the show is that basically strangers they talk to one another through a wall and then they are supposed to fall in love and engage with one another without seeing each other.

And it's supposed to prove that love isn't about looks, but um, let's all be honest that you would probably not swipe right on somebody if their profile picture was blurry, let alone any other reason.

Um, and if you watch the show at all, you're going to see that love uh is not just blind, but apparently it's deaf and confused and in need of serious counseling by like episode three.

So here's the truth love may be blind at first, but it doesn't have to be stupid.

That's why God gives us boundaries, not to block love, but to help us see clearly before we make long-term commitments.

Now, the culture, the world has told us and tells us, you know what, if it's feel if it feels good, just do it.

Set set there's no no rules, full freedom, no boundaries.

But what I want to let you know today is there is a tactic and a strategy.

There is a plan of the enemy Satan and his demons against your life.

Specifically in the area of intimacy and sex.

And this is what the strategy is that Satan wants you to have as much sex as possible before your marriage, before you're married, and then wants you to have as little sex as possible after you're married.

That's the strategy.

That's the strategy that he's trying to see play out in your life to derail you from God's plan for your life.

See, the fact that we have boundaries and dating and guardrails is so that we don't just fall into the world's trap, but instead that we're living out God's design for our life and relationships.

See, God's design for relationships is for us to uh have commitment and then companionship and then intimacy, but the culture flips that on its head and just wants us to start with feelings, attraction, sex, and then ultimately what happens is that leads to brokenness.

And before we dive too deeply into like modern dating, I want us to uh to go back and to see what Jesus himself had to say about relationships.

We looked at this passage briefly last week, and I want to go back to it for a second so that you can see that in Jesus' time in Jewish culture, basically what's going on is that marriage at the time had gone far beyond and way outside of God's designs, that marriage was mostly about family arrangements and dowry, and at this point, divorce is rampant in the Jewish culture because men had total authority and could give a certificate of divorce because their hearts have been hardened, and they could basically divorce their wife for any reason at this point.

If she wasn't a good cook, she wasn't pretty anymore.

It was just like no holds bar, you could get a divorce for any and all reason.

And at this point, the the Pharisees, the religious leaders, come to Jesus and they tried to trap him by asking him about this.

And they try to trap him, and instead of him offering some new rule to them, he points them all the way back to God's original design in Genesis.

Which is an interesting move by Jesus.

Because Jesus is saying that what he is affirming is that God's design in the beginning, when God created man and woman, he created all things, and it was good.

And then he saw that Adam was alone and said that that was not good for man to be alone, and so he made woman.

And God presided over the first marriage relationship, he ordained it.

And Jesus goes right to the heart of what the Pharisees are asking by creating this hyperlink all the way back to the beginning in Genesis to show God's original design.

And here's what Jesus says to them this is Matthew 19, starting in verse 3.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him, and they asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

And then Jesus replied and said, Haven't you read?

he replied, At the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and he said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

So they are no longer two but one flesh.

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Jesus connects right back to God's original design for marriage, which is God's created man and woman, two distinct genders, for them to be in a marriage relationship and for them to become one flesh and be joined together in marriage, and that let no man separate it.

And what Jesus is saying is that uh this relationship of marriage that it's extremely important to God and it's extremely important to our spiritual health.

Now, I want to take a second to acknowledge some things.

Kind of off the bat, what I want to acknowledge is that there you may be walking in the room today, and there may be sexual brokenness.

What's happened in your past may have been from the playbook of the world, and what I want you to hear today from me is that in this place there is no judgment.

Jesus is the one that in in situations where people were caught in sexual sin, the woman caught in adultery, the woman at the well, Jesus extended incredible grace to them.

Actually, Jesus is the one that said, I do not condemn you.

There is no condemnation in Christ.

He said he did not condemn them, and then he said to them in love, go and sin no more.

And so I just kind of want to acknowledge off the bat that kind of the state of things in the world and how sex is normally in our life and in uh the world at large, like that is what's normal, and I just want you to know that what that I know that what I'm gonna be teaching and saying today and instructing from the scripture, like I know I'm the weird one, okay?

I know that what I'm saying is like not the norm, and I want you to know that I know that, and that in in this place, the teaching and the instruction that you're gonna get is because of God's good plan for us.

So, I want to share some scriptures with you today that are not often preached, and so let's walk through this together.

Starting in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4, starting in verse 3.

1 Thessalonians 4 · chapter mention

It is God's will that you should be sanctified, so that you should avoid sexual immorality, that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the pagans who do not know God.

And that in this matter, no one should wrong or take advantage of a brother or sister.

The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins.

As we told you and warned you before, for God did not call us to be impure, but to live a life, a holy life.

Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being, but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit.

We start off with God telling us and showing us that what his plan for us, specifically in the area of our sexual lives, is for us to honor him and not for us to take advantage of one another, but treat one another as brothers and sisters in Christ.

To see value in one another and to treat one another respectfully and in a way that God calls us to a life of love and of purity, walking with him, whether we are single or whatever our situation is, that we would align ourselves with God's good plan for us.

Now, if you're in the room and you're sit and you're single, we talked about last week the fact that the scripture celebrates singleness.

And that if you're somebody in the room that you're single by choice and you want to remain single, that's like a totally appropriate thing for you to do.

And even celebrated.

Now, if you're in the room and you're single and you're wanting to uh be married, like that's totally fine as well, obviously.

And the fact though, in your singleness, that your singleness is not just this waiting room for marriage, there's purpose in it, there's a point to it.

We saw last week in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, which we'll be in a lot today, that Paul gives the instruction about how singleness is a gift to us when we are single.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

I wish that all of you were as I am, he says in verse 7, but each of you has his own gift from God.

One has this gift, another has that.

Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say it's good for you to stay unmarried as I do, but uh if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it's better to marry than to burn with passion.

Now, when I I think back to my time in dating, and I I used to think that purity was about just avoiding something bad instead of it being what it is, which is preparing for something better.

And maybe you are in this situation now where the your your life, you know it's out of alignment with God in this area of sex, and you're you're you're feeling like that if you were even to begin to set boundaries in your life in this area, that what all that's gonna do is just lead to your loneliness.

Or maybe even worse, that you'd be afraid that if you try to step towards purity, that that means that you're just gonna miss out on love altogether.

But what I want you to know is that the boundaries around our sexual lives are not meant to restrict but to protect.

See, purity isn't about earning some kind of blessing, it's about preparing for intimacy later.

I heard a pastor say long ago, purity paves the way to intimacy, which is why the scripture speaks about uh sex and sexual immorality and says that we should flee from it because our bodies we were bought with a price, and we we are given these guardrails, just like when you ride down the road, there's guardrails there not to ruin your dream.

But they're there to keep you from wrecking.

And later in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Paul talks even more about the single life and gives some instructions around what it looks like to be single while you're single and to serve God while you're single and what that season should be in verse 32.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

I want you to be free from the concerns of this life.

An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking about how to please him.

But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife.

His interests are divided.

In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and wholly in body and in spirit.

But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband.

I'm saying this for your own good, not to restrict you in verse 35, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

We talked about last week the fact that singleness is not like this problem to be solved, it's a season to be stewarded.

And during that season of singleness, what does it look like for you to steward this season well?

And and it kind of is distilled down from this passage about us having this undivided devotion in our time of singleness.

And there's uh uh four D's of what it looks like for you to maximize your time as someone who is single.

And uh these these come from author and pastor John Tyson, but the four Ds are devotion, difference, distraction, and discover.

You should write that down, single people.

The the first is that you would have this season of singleness to have this uh undivided devotion to the Lord, that basically, while you're single, that you should be trying to get as close to God as you possibly can.

And as you do that, as you get as close to God as you possibly can, then you have a huge opportunity to make a genuine difference in the world.

A genuine difference.

That your life will be filled with God's grace and his love, and that people would see Jesus when they see you, and that you're able to walk out this life in a way that you're devoted to God and that you're growing in your faith because you are free from so many distractions.

So when you're single, you're free from distractions of many times distractions of a spouse or kids, and and this is keeps you from just like squandering your life, but having your life set on your purpose, which is you discovering your purpose in this life and your calling, not just finding a partner.

See, singleness is this time that the world just tells us, like, this is a time for selfishness.

Like you're not tied down, like you can do whatever you want, right?

I have ultimate freedom, or you can use that singleness to serve the creator of the universe and see God do something amazing in your life.

To help you discover what why you're even here on this planet and what his purposes are for you and what he wants to see you be able to do in the future.

But the the world's just telling you, like, hey, just do you, just spend this whole time, like you can do whatever you want.

Like, you need all these experiences, including in sex, where the world's telling you, well, you know what, like you need to be experienced in sex in order for you to have a good sex life and intimacy.

Um, or you know, well, you know, just like, hey, you know, sex, it's just it's just a physical thing, like it doesn't mean anything.

But here's the thing you purity, it doesn't limit your future, it protects it.

Now listen to me close.

Your purity, your purity isn't a down payment on a perfect marriage, it's an act of trusting God's plan for your life.

See, I grew up in this time where we had this whole thing called true love weights, and like a lot of y'all missed that era, I guess, but um basically in the church, it was like all about talking about true love weights and these books, and we had these rings, and all of us like being uh uh dedicated to purity, and there was this book that came out at the time that was said it was about uh I kissed dating goodbye about how you shouldn't even date and shouldn't kiss.

And 10 years later, that author came out and said, like, that was totally bunk.

And I wasn't even described to that at the time because I'm like, I'm not doing this, like I'm not living that whatever that is, I'm not kissing dating goodbye.

Like, I want to be in a relationship, I want to have a wife, and uh and there was like this whole conversation in and around it.

And what what I want you to hear me say is that some of us in the room were raised to think that purity guarantees a perfect marriage, and it doesn't.

Purity isn't a deal with God, it's an act of worship, whether you walk down the aisle or you don't.

Are you hearing me?

See, for those that are single, you have to ask yourself, okay, am I living a life right now where there's boundaries that are God honoring, that are preparing me for a future, and that you ultimately can't control later in life what people do, how sin enters into the story because the enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy.

But right now, like your call is for you to walk out your purpose in Christ today, right now.

Knowing that he holds your future and that he loves you and he has a good plan for you, and it's not gonna be worry-free, but he's gonna be right there with you every step of the way.

We still live in this world.

And we still have to deal with all the things that we have to deal with.

And if you are in the situation where you're beginning to date and you're you're trying to figure out how in the world I'm gonna date.

I remember when I was uh dating and a teenage boy and I was just like hyper-focused on physical attraction, with just like wisdom was nowhere in sight in my life.

I just ignoring red flags, just all just thinking about like chemistry and that kind of thing.

And and and maybe even right now, maybe you're actually dating somebody right now, and and you're in the middle of like crossing all these boundaries because you're afraid of losing them.

And for those that are dating, what I want to encourage you is that for you to guard your heart as much as you are your body.

Proverbs 4:3 says that guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.

Proverbs 4:3

That we should be in dating relationships with believers is what we saw last week in 2 Corinthians 6, that we should uh not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, that we should not be in marriage relationships or dating relationships with people who don't want to follow Jesus.

That God has a plan for us and for our lives, and that we should, in our dating relationships, we should be trying to guard our heart just as much as any other aspect of dating.

Now, this worked out in my life, and I told you all uh last week about Emily and I and our relationship, and I had not dated God's way before Emily and I had gotten together in college, and we were dating, and that's this time God had called me into ministry, and we really wanted to date God's way, and we really wanted to pursue purity in our relationship, and we ended up dating for four years uh because we were so young and during college times, and we were able to stay pure for all four years.

Now, which praise the Lord, right?

That's great.

Uh it was incredibly challenging.

And I want to kind of dive into a little bit to give you a picture of what that looked like and how we did that to maybe give you some things for you to think about.

But uh, I was at the University of Cumberlands, Emily was at UK, and so we were running the road and hanging out during the weekends, and so we would would stay at respective campuses, and we would stay with friends, and and and Emily and I uh you know, we would stay separately, but then we would hang out during during the time, and we had uh uh some boundaries that we put into place.

Now, this was like very, very like granular.

Literally, it was like a piece of paper that we sat down and we wrote out what our physical boundaries were gonna be while we were dating.

I know.

Crazy, right?

Like things like uh we weren't gonna hang out after midnight because nothing good happens after midnight.

So at midnight we were like, love you.

Great, it's great to see you.

You know, we'll see you tomorrow.

Um, other physical boundaries that we put into place.

Now, here's the thing: you you all can check whether or not I'm lying because my accountability partner at that time was David Sandlin, my roommate in college, who goes to this church.

And literally after we would hang out, Dave would pull out this little piece of paper and we would sit across from each other, and Dave would be like, Hey, did you do this?

Did you go down the list?

It was so awkward.

It was like crazy.

But Dave loved me so much that he was willing to have that awkward conversation with me because he knew the future that God calling that God had on my life.

And he knew that the work that we were putting in so that we could see God do something in the future.

And uh this, the boundaries that we set, they were they were so high that even if we slipped, we were really far away from sexual activity.

Now, it wasn't just, it wasn't about, it was not about perfection, it was about faithfulness to see God do something and to shape our future marriage one day.

See, because you all know this, that feelings fade, but it's faithfulness that lasts.

And dating itself, it's not it's not just about like testing compatibility, it's about preparing for commitment.

And those that are single in the house right now, I I want you to think about your dating life through this and just consider this question.

If you were to stop dating the person that you're dating, would they be closer to God because of dating you?

Would they be a better follower of Jesus because they spent time dating you?

Would you have left them better than you found them?

Or would were you just were you pulling them down into a life and into sexual sin that God had not ordained for them?

And to think through, okay, am I helping this person get closer to God, even in our dating relationship?

See, because the world's playbook and design for dating is like you meet, you like see if there's chemistry, sex, then you're like get into a dating relationship and trying to figure out if you're compatible and you maybe move in together and not even know, like maybe one day get married, maybe not.

But God's design for us in our dating relationship is for us to meet someone, to feel that chemistry, to commit to that person, to grow in friendship and in attraction, see if that's someone who could actually provide sacrificial love for you, and then marriage.

See, I'll put it to you this way: the world is telling you pleasure first, testing second, commitment last.

But God's telling us commitment first, companionship second, and then intimacy third.

And so, if for those of you who are dating, I'm I'm wondering and what for you to consider, are you setting emotional and physical boundaries with God in mind?

Are you building a relationship that is just based on chemistry or is it based on long-term character?

And are you thinking about what things may need to change in your relationship for you to honor God?

Now, what about like what happens after dating?

Like this, we got plenty of married people in the room.

Marriage isn't the finish line, it's a starting point of something deeper.

See, the guardrails that we have, even in marriage, these guardrails are what helps the fire to burn.

Because, like I said in the very beginning, Satan's play and Satan's scheme and Satan's try to try uh uh attem to try to steal, kill, and destroy is that Satan to try to keep married couples uh from having sex.

Now, there are a ton of factors that go into a great marriage.

I want to zero in though, just for a little bit, if you would uh humor me on this area of physical intimacy right now.

We're gonna talk about more about marriage in the weeks to come and all the things that that go into it, but uh, but just zeroing in on physical intimacy.

You know, I thought that like once you get married, like the physical intimacy is just gonna be like completely effortless.

Like we're so in love.

And, you know, that just means that you know there's just this this this passion.

But what I have learned and come to learn is that without effort, uh the the passion can eventually fade.

And for some in the room, maybe you're right now in a rough situation in your marriage, maybe even a bad marriage, and you're feeling like roommates instead of lovers, and and your physical and your emotional connection is just like distance, distant right now.

I heard uh a divorce attorney say this.

Uh she was talking about um all the different uh different cases that she had done, and and the the the what she said was that people get divorced uh often not because of irreconcilable differences, but because they've lost the ability to properly communicate.

What's happened is that over years of hurt and loss of intimacy, the small paper cuts of the day-to-day struggles and the day-to-day hardships and hurting one another, that that has eroded away the intimacy and the ability for folks to even be able to find solutions together for the future.

And what I want to encourage those that are married in the room is for you to invest in intimacy.

Now, I'm gonna read a scripture that is like never preached about, very rarely talked about, for your benefit.

And it comes from that same passage of 1 Corinthians 7 at the very beginning, the first few verses of it.

It says, Paul is giving this instruction and says, Now, regarding the questions you asked in your letter, yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations, but because there's so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each wife should have their own husband.

The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs.

The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

Verse 5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so that you can give yourselves more completely to prayer.

Afterward, you should come back together so Satan would not be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Your marriage is like a garden.

You have to tend it, you have to weed it or the intimacy dies.

Now, I remember when I was getting married, and there's like this kind of thing that like older guys do during like the wedding, the week of the wedding, like older men were all like, hey buddy, you know, good luck, game over now, you're getting married.

Off the market, like you know, life's over now, you're getting married, the whole ball and chain.

And and this is just like some, I don't know what it was, but even back then I thought to myself, just because those guys had sucky marriages didn't mean that I needed to.

And 15 years later, I still feel the exact same way.

See, because the reality is that so many marriages are not in a good place because what marriage ultimately is, is about a husband and wife serving one another.

If you want to have a great marriage, try to outserve your spouse.

Love them, care for them, give up your life for them.

And that includes in the area of sex.

Because we know that sexy doesn't start in the bedroom, it starts at the heart.

And so, for some of you in the room, and for all of you in one way or another who are married, you need to invest in intimacy.

And so that may look like for you all that you need to institute a date night in your life so that you're able to invest in one another and and pursue one another and love one another, and build back maybe the intimacy that has been ripped apart.

Maybe you need to invest in a marriage counselor to help you.

And uh it said that now, like the the the average sex life of a married person is having sex once a month, which is so far below the normal sex drive of a man or a woman.

We get into this mindset of thinking that if the passion fades, that that must mean that we've married the wrong person.

Or maybe it's that life has gotten too busy and there has been brokenness that needs God's hand to restore the intimacy that has been lost.

See, the best intimacy is not something that you just find.

It's built through loving one another sacrificially each and every day.

Now, for those of you right now who like want to stab me for reading that scripture in church right now, some of the women, let me just give you a different perspective on this.

Uh, in the book Cities of God by Rodney Stark, which I don't recommend you read it, it's like a church nerd book.

But in his book, he talks about that at the time that Paul is writing this letter to the Corinthian church, which was a Greco-Roman city that had the the sexual uh had the had um the sexual worldview of of the Roman culture, at this time, uh like the American sexual revolution, it it doesn't even like hold a candle to the sexual immorality that was going on in the Greco-Roman world.

Um basically the book of Corinthians starts with Paul saying, Hey, the the guy in the church who's sleeping with his mother-in-law, you need to kick him out of the church.

This was like the state of things in the Greco-Roman world world, and not only that, in the institution of marriage, basically the way that it worked is that men had all the power, and in the the marriage relationship, the the men uh basically could do whatever they wanted in the marriage and could have as many relationships sexually outside of the marriage as they wanted to.

Um even uh with prostitutes, sexual partners, pedophilia was rampant at the time.

Uh also um same-sex partners, like they basically had had right to do whatever they wanted.

Their temples, even in the their their cult temples, had cult prostitutes that were there at the temple, was just part of this false God worship that was a part of this city.

And what Paul does in this moment is that, for and historians say for the first time that that Paul actually gives empowerment to the women in the marriage to say, you have authority now over your husband's body, just as much as he has authority over you.

And Paul is calling these men to monogamous marriage for the first time.

It's literally turning their whole culture upside down that Paul is now asking these men who are wanting to follow Christ for them to be committed to one woman.

And it's totally upending the culture of the day.

And as we think about marriage today, is there space in your marriage for you to be committed, connected, living a life that is not letting other distractions and sinful temptations in?

Or are you cultivating an emotional and spiritual and physical intimacy with your spouse that is a love that's going to last?

Not based on feelings, but based on faithfulness.

A faithfulness that we see from King Jesus himself.

Aren't you glad that Jesus' love for you is not based on feelings, but on his faithfulness to us?

Aren't you glad that even though Christ knew that we were sinners, in Romans 5, 8 it says, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

He went to the cross knowing, knowing how many ways and all the ways that we were going to mess up and screw up, and he loved us anyway, and even died for us, sacrificing himself for us, so that when we accept him and when we come into a loving relationship, covenant relationship with God, he keeps us.

Up his end of the bargain.

From this day all in all the way into eternity.

Marriages just last on this side of heaven.

We head into eternity.

We're going to be in the worship of the God of the universe that has allowed us to be in relationship with Him, even though we were impure.

And so for some of you in the room, you're like, Forrest, I I've already screwed this up.

What you're talking about, my life is so far away from that.

Can I tell you?

Look at me, look at me, look at me.

Jesus loves you so much that He made a way for you to be on a path that will lead to life from this day till the end of your life and into eternity forever.

Jesus loved you so much that he sacrificed himself to give you a picture of what it would look like for the sacrificial love for you to love somebody else.

See, purity, it doesn't promise a perfect life.

It reflects a God who has a perfect love for us.

And so, for those in the room who are single, can I just encourage you, like start this small.

For those that are single, reframe purity as purpose, not punishment.

For those that are dating, consider new boundaries for your relationship that align with God's design for you.

And the married couples in the room, invest in intimacy in your marriage as a spiritual priority.

See, there's a million things that I could talk about when it comes to marriage and to sex, but what I want you to know is that the world's playbook is like the blind leading the blind.

But it's God's word that works and it's gonna lead to life.

So are you letting the culture define relationships?

Are you trusting God's design for lasting love and intimacy?

It's something that you build with Christ at the center.

And so for some of you, that means that you gotta take some steps.

You gotta get around some people that can help you.

And maybe it means you've joining a group so you can get around some other believers who are also trying to live a life for God so you can have a healthy community around you.

Did you take some steps in prayer for accountability that you're willing to give over your relationship in the playbook, whether you're single, dating, or married, but to submit to God's plan for your life because he loves you.

Listen to me.

We cannot sin more than God can give us grace.

Did you hear me?

We can't sin so much that God can't forgive us.

Instead, he knows us in our human condition and he loves us anyway.

And bought us with a price, with the price of the Son of God, King Jesus, who poured out his blood so that you could be free.

Now, what I want to do is I just want to pray over all of you.

So if you would bow your heads, Father, in this room, God, there is such a diversity of situations and circumstances.

But God, you know every hair on our head.

God, you know every single detail of our lives, and you love us.

You know every single sin and you love us anyway.

So God, thank you.

Thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross and being raised back to life.

So that death and sin and the grave will not hold us, but instead that, God, we would have new life and be new creations in you.

So, Father, right now I pray for every single single person in the room that God, you would help them, Lord, to see their season that they're in right now and not to disdain it, not to hate it, not to see it as punishment, but to see, God, for an opportunity for you to work out your purpose for them.

God, I pray for the dating relationships in our church, God, that, Lord, no matter where things are at right now, that God, you would help them to have the courage to take a step, Lord, for their relationship to honor you.

And in doing so, God, see you do amazing things in and through their lives.

God, I pray too for all those that are married in our church.

Father, I pray for strong marriages.

God, I pray, Lord, for marriages that are a picture, Jesus, of how you love us and how Christ loved the church.

God, that we would have husbands and wives who, Father, want to serve one another and care for one another and love one another exclusively and deeply as a picture of Jesus, how you love us for their families, for their future families, for their future kids and their grandkids, Lord.

And so, God, we just ask right now, Father, I just want to ask for just a blanket of favor right now to rest on this room, on the homes that are here.

God, I pray, Lord, right now that if the enemy is trying to put a stronghold of shame or guilt, that it would be bound in the name of Jesus.

It would be crushed by the name of Jesus and by the power of the Spirit.

That God, you didn't come to condemn us, but to love us and save us.

So, Father, we thank you.

And God, we give our lives to you today.

In Jesus' name.

Everybody said, Amen.

I love you.

Stand to your feet as we worship God.