Catching Feelings - Love That Lasts

So, Father, we thank you.

We praise you.

We love you.

In the strong name of Jesus, everybody said, Amen.

Churchy, you grab your seat as we jump into this last week of our series, Catching Feelings, as we've been talking about relationships, and we've been kicking off each of these messages by interviewing a couple and learning about how they met.

And there's been a theme with these couples that I personally have gotten to either marry them or be a part of their premarital counseling.

And it's no different today because you're going to get to meet, if you have not met yet, a very dear couple in our church and friends of mine and my family for a long time.

The Dockeries moved to Frankfurt in July, in January or in June of last year from Somerset.

And they moved to Frankfurt to be a part of Multiply and to volunteer and to be a part of the move of God that's here in this place.

We met in Somerset where they're from years ago and actually got to uh be a part of and to uh do their wedding.

And it's just uh it's just really amazing how the Lord has uh continued to write this story, and so you're gonna love them today.

You're gonna love hearing from them.

So if you would, all of you, put your hands together to welcome Brooke and Aaron Doctory as they come, give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up, give it up.

Here they come.

Y'all come over here, grab a seat.

Excited to hear y'all are gonna love this.

So tell us, tell us all, how did you all meet?

Well, um to be honest, I was kind of set up.

Um, and so I'm gonna let her tell a story because I'm pretty sure she still knows more details than I do about what all went on.

Um well, we want to hear it, so let's hear.

Yeah, so um I was 28 and Erin was 26, so we met later on in life.

I was single in Somerset at 28, so I was freaking out just a little bit.

Yep, yep, yep.

Very ready to be married, but I was stewarding my singleness like you had talked about a couple of weeks ago.

And as a single person living with their grandmother, I'd lived with my grandmother for four years at the time.

I had so much free time.

Yeah, and so all of that I was spent just trying to serve the Lord, be where He wanted me to be.

Um, and so before you had left for Charleston, you set up a college ministry, and so I, with a with help of others, had kind of taken that over, and I was just serving in that.

I had spotted Aaron on Instagram a couple a couple years.

So for the last two years, I'm like, how am I gonna meet this guy?

He goes to a different church than me.

I'm not gonna like show up at his church and try to meet him.

Yeah, nobody's ever done that before.

And so I was like, so I see his brother show up at this college and his brother and his girlfriend, and so I tracked them down and I'm like, I gotta, I gotta meet your brother.

I gotta meet, I gotta meet Caleb's brother.

And so she invited him, and he came the next week, and yeah, and so and what what Brooke wasn't aware of at the time was my now sister-in-law, Ashton, and I were not on the best of terms at this point.

Um so when she invited me, I I went hesitantly.

Um and after after the service, Brooke invited me to go out with a group of people to get dinner, and I said no.

Um yeah, and I was I was I was in a place of recently d deciding to do a whole lot of things different in my life.

Yeah.

Um and it's funny because we laugh about it now, but because we tell each other if literally if if we had met each other anytime before those two months leading up to when we met, we wouldn't be sitting here.

Because I I was I was just in a place where I was I didn't really want anybody in my life or in my business, and I didn't want relationship with anybody, and I wasn't growing spiritually.

Um and so then, but luckily after that, uh we did we did talk, and I did decide to uh go to dinner with Brooke, and Brooke agreed to go to dinner with me, even though I'm sure I didn't make a great first impression.

Um and so yeah, and so we we started dating.

That's how we started dating.

Yeah, if you know Aaron, uh he's already a man of few words, but at that time it was even less.

Um and actually he had uh a giant duck dynasty beard at that time.

Uh look at him right here.

Uh so uh that's that's where we spent dating was was duck hunting.

You should bring that beard back.

Probably not, but um and I remember meeting you at that time, and uh man, God was doing a lot in your life in that moment.

And would you share like how how did you see God's hand in this in y'all meeting and what was going on with you?

Yeah, so I mean people ask that question a lot as you grow up, like when you're married, well, how did y'all meet, or how you know what happened?

And my answer is always pretty simple.

It's like if it hadn't been for the Lord, I wouldn't be married and I wouldn't be in this relationship.

Um I was I I would describe myself in the season leading up to that season in my life as like very lukewarm.

You know, I I grew up in a church and got saved early, had a strong foundation, but I wasn't getting into the word or getting surrounded by people who were pushing me to mature spiritually.

Um I was just kind of floating.

Um and and I I spent all that time in college and high school and the few years after college, like chasing all the wrong things in a relationship, chasing what the world told me I need to be looking at, which just find the prettiest girl out there, buddy, and and go get her.

And I and I had built this persona where I wanted it to be the opposite, right?

I wanted her to wonder what I was doing and be like, who is that guy over there?

And and so I had flipped the script on how it's how it's yeah, and I had flipped the script, right?

I I had I had set up an ecosystem where I thought a woman should pursue me.

Um and I realized that was wrong when I saw this bubbly personality bouncing around this bubbly blonde at first Baptist Church bouncing around talking to everybody, and it she is the exact same today as she was then.

Um and for some reason in that moment I just thought, you know, I need to pursue her, and in pursuing her, she's gonna pursue the Lord so hard that I'm going in the right direction.

Um, and it's worked out.

Praise the Lord.

And Brooke, from your perspective, how did you see God's hand in all this?

Yeah, so I mean, he was faithful to bring someone as I was serving him in the church and serving and serving alongside the Lord, he was faithful to bring someone to my church.

I didn't have to go to another church to look.

So he called me to First Baptist, I was serving there, and he brought that.

So that was faithfulness.

And then um, just the way that the Lord taught me a lot while we were dating, because I had this cookie cutter way that I thought that I should be pursued as Jesus pursues me, which is true, but I had to give Aaron a lot of grace because he hadn't been taught that.

So he didn't know that that's and so men came alongside of him and helped him learn how to pursue me and me just to be patient during that and knowing and just giving him grace and not trying to say.

I don't know how patient we were.

It was pretty quick, if we're being honest.

Yeah, we dated seven months, got engaged, and then seven months later got married.

Yeah, so um and then now seven years later here we are.

Right.

Yeah.

But so it's quick, but it was it was also a a a rapid development in my life, right?

Like, and so Forrest said he met us in Somerset.

He did meet me in Somerset, but long after he met Brooke.

Yeah.

And and I didn't have that counsel and that input into my life before.

Um and I I I I found out when I got married, because it was, I mean, I was it was Rocky, right?

Our start was Rocky for sure.

We're two very different personalities.

I mean, night and day.

Yeah.

Um and that plays really well in a lot of ways because she's good at the things I'm not and I'm good at the things she's not.

Um but I had to learn one to because she was further along in her pursuit.

And so I was pursuing her and in the same time pursuing the Lord, but then I also had to learn how to pass her and lead.

And that's tough, right?

Because I was it it would have been really easy to just follow this blonde and whatever she's doing and being in the right place in the right and me letting you lead, too.

Exactly.

So yeah, it's you know, it's rocky, and then the past was rocky, and it's gonna keep being rocky, but we're gonna keep figuring it out because of the Lord.

Amen.

And it's what from my perspective to get to see you all as they are very different people.

Um and uh Brooke is still the bubbling blonde bouncing around, multiply now, talking to everybody.

Uh if you've not gotten it.

Um and but for me, I've been able to get a front row seat to seeing you all as y'all have taken these faith leaps and how God has used you all, even though you all are different, but using them in their gifting to be able to grow the kingdom together and see other people be led to Jesus and discipled.

And I'm believing that more of that's gonna happen, aren't you, church?

I'm believing that over them, and they've taken these big faith leaps, and now um, you know, uh Brooke told me that you know you guys are just doing better than ever, but in the in the in the midst of that, it's because of you all being faithful to the Lord, following in faith, and then doing it together as a team.

And it's really a beautiful what we're seeing is really beautiful, and I'm believing for even more.

Uh, I know that uh each of them, but you don't know about Aaron, he's a uh engineer by trade, and so uh the construction stuff that's been going on here and things, ways that he's been serving with their small group having a great time.

Brooke, uh she's serving like crazy too, and as they're pouring out, God's flowing through them.

And it's just beautiful what God's built in your marriage.

And I'm believing that God's gonna flourish you even more.

And that's what I want for us all to agree and pray over.

Is that good, church?

Let's pray that over them.

Father, we thank you, Lord, for the doctors.

We thank you, Father, uh, for your goodness and your mercy towards them and them and to us.

Father, we pray right now over them, Lord, and present them to you, God.

Father, we pray over their marriage.

God, that you would continue to flourish them, that God, that they would continue, Lord, in strength, God, serving you and Father, seeing your kingdom advance because of your mighty power working in and through their life.

Father, I thank you, God, and I pray right now over their home.

I pray for their kids.

I pray, Lord, for them to come to know Jesus at an early age.

Father, I pray, God, for them as a family that God, they would uh, as they continue to pursue, that Lord, you would continue to pour out blessings.

Father, I pray for financial blessing provision over them.

Lord, I pray, God, uh, for them as they continue to get to know Frankfurt and Frankfurt gets to know them that Lord, you would continue to do a work in and through them to see other people be discipled and come to know you.

Father, I thank you, God, for the story that you are writing and have written through this couple.

And Lord, we pray, God, that Lord, you would work powerfully through them, Lord, more than they can ask or imagine.

In Jesus' name, everybody said, Amen.

Hey, give it up for this couple right here.

Love you all.

That was that was great.

That was great.

That was great.

We're in our last week of catching feelings, and so if you've missed the first uh three messages, please check those out online.

And also today, as we talk about uh from a biblical perspective, as we talk about love and marriage and husbands and wives, this is even more important for me to say today that I've said each week that if I've heard from different ladies who are in our church who have been in abusive relationships and physically abusive, abusive, and that uh I'm telling you today, if you're in that situation, today's message is uh not applicable to your situation.

You need to take steps in order to uh be safe, and your safety is the top priority to separate, to get authorities involved, other trusted people around you so that they can help you and help you in the situation, and for God's healing and restoration to come to you and the situation that you're going through.

And so, even with as we talk about today, the roles of husbands and wives, there's a temptation if you're in that uh headspace and controlled and thinking like, oh well, is if I just do this, it will get better.

And what we're saying is that we want you to be safe, right, church?

We want you to get into a safe situation and then uh the then from there to be able to get help.

So starting from that that point, and as we jump in, the title of my message today is Love That Lasts.

A Love That Lasts.

Now, um, if you've ever planned a wedding before, it's a ton of work, isn't it?

And it never goes 100% according to plan.

The wedding planning process, I mean, it's like you're just pouring out so much, you're figuring out imitations, all the little details, you're figuring out venues, and it's thousands and thousands of dollars.

And then when you get to that day, something always goes awrot, which happened on our uh our wedding in some funny ways, like the fact that two of my groomsmen in the middle of the wedding, about trying to take a shortcut to go outside of the church, actually got locked out of the church.

They were locked in a courtyard and they couldn't get out.

One of those was Mr.

Dave, who's here today.

Um, and I'm pretty sure that he broke the door trying to get back into the church so that they could keep the wedding going.

Also, my sister-in-law forgot my ring, and apparently I gave her a dirty look that I've never lived down because uh in that fleeting moment I they looked and like one single tear fell from her eye.

And then I like we made the best of it when laughed.

And Emily had two little bands for her, and so we actually put one of her little bands on my pinky uh ring as we did the vows.

Um, and then my dumb buddies at the reception put the dirtiest stuff on my car, like the dirtiest like words, all the stuff.

So bad that my father-in-law had to go out there with shaving cream and was like covering it up.

And I'm like, my dumb friends, come on, guys.

What are you doing right now?

And maybe you have experienced, you know, things that have gone awry at a wedding.

Maybe somebody's passed out before.

Maybe the like my parents, their wedding, their air conditioned the air conditioner in the church uh didn't work and was broken in the middle of the Alabama heat.

Um, maybe it rained when it wasn't supposed to and ended up being a muddy mess.

Like there's there's a lot of things that can go wrong in the wedding, but here's the thing love is not about how it starts, it's about how long it lasts.

There's so much emphasis put on this wedding day, and so much emphasis put on this wedding day, and you wonder if that much emphasis and intentionality is being put into the long term of the actual marriage.

And so again, it's it's not how it starts, and really the thesis of this series over the last few weeks is that in catching feelings, that love that lasts, it's not built on feelings, it's built on faithfulness.

That's what we've been going through and and really talking about and talking about today, God's design for marriage that is a reflection of Christ and his church, is what we're gonna see, which requires a sacrificial love, distinct roles, and a lifelong commitment.

Here's why, here, here, here's why, because people love falling in love, but do they know how to stay in love?

So much of culture is about the falling in love part, the movies and the dramas and the books and all that about the falling in love.

But then how do you stay in love?

And and really, in a lot of ways, the world is seeing marriage as this contract, which is like, well, I'll stay as long as I'm happy.

But God has designed marriage as a covenant for a lifelong sacrificial commitment that mirrors the commitment that He has made to us.

And we've talked about this over the last few weeks, the fact that there's the modern love story right now, it's just it's about chemistry, it's about attraction, it's about uh fulfilling somebody's uh personal needs.

And uh those some of those things, obviously those things are important, but really when we think about a love that lasts, it's about choosing commitment over convenience.

Because a biblical marriage isn't about convenience, it's not about control, it's about a sacrificial love that we see as an example of Christ.

And that's where we're going today.

Now, as we get into the scripture and as we take a look at this today, you won't hear these instructions today from TikTok in 2025, okay?

This is not like the TikTok marriage advice.

Um this isn't at the same time though, this isn't just like uh some good old-fashioned marriage talk either.

Uh this isn't about things and being like traditional.

This is about things being transformational.

And what's not helpful and has not been helpful in the past are these like generalized stereotypes with the kind of leave it to beaver life of a wife that's like chained to the stove.

And all of that is a creation of the 1950s, not the Bible.

And so these unhelpful stereotypes that really we need to take a look at what the Bible actually says and how we should work out our marriage in a way that's not restrictive, it's redemptive.

And that's what we're gonna take a look at as we are reminded of what Jesus has to say and what he thinks about love and the marriage that he prescribes and affirms, that we've looked at a few times over the last couple of weeks, and we're gonna look at it again as a starting point of in Matthew chapter 19, where Jesus is being challenged about divorce, and he points back to Genesis and reinforces that marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment, even though he's being put to the test by the Pharisees as they're asking him.

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

And so we're going to take a look at that as we start.

This is Matthew 19, starting in verse 3.

Some Pharisees came to him to test him, and they asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

Verse 4.

Haven't you read?

He replied, At the beginning the Creator made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

So there are no longer two but one flesh.

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.

Jesus harkens back and reminds us of how God put all of this into motion all the way back in Genesis in the creation, in his created order.

That God created the heavens and the earth, and he created the world and all the animals, and then he created Adam and He put responsibility to Adam and gave him a job, that he was supposed to work this beautiful utopia that was the Garden of Eden that God had designed for us.

And in the midst of that, God looked at Adam and said, It's not good for man to be alone, which was kind of strange because Adam wasn't alone.

He had God, but God knew that what he meant was that we need other companionship, we need other human relationships, and so God then created Eve, and he created her, and this is what Genesis 2, 18 says from that very moment when God says, It's not good for man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable for him.

Now, that word helper is the Hebrew word azair.

Everybody say azair.

And that word for helper, what does it really mean?

Because uh what people think when they think of helper, they think like assistant or or like subordinate.

That's not what the Bible is teaching.

Actually, the word Azair in Hebrew it is a word that is powerful and strong and active.

Actually, the word azair is used 21 times in the Old Testament, and 16 of those times it refers to God Himself as the rescuer or deliverer.

Here's what I'm saying: God created both men and women to have his image, in the image of God, the Imago Dei.

And so God in His providence created male and female, and He gave them aspects of His own picture of who He is and His divine character that is both in men and women.

And as we walk out our picture, our Imago Day, our image of God, what that means is that God has just as much put his image on men as he has women.

And we're walking out these different aspects of the glory of God, and he presents himself to us as Father and as as as him and as of headship.

But in his providence, he has created an image between men and women that reflects him.

I'll give you some examples of some scriptures.

In Psalm 33, 20, this word Azair is used.

Our soul waits for the Lord.

He is our helper, Azair, and shield.

Exodus 18 4.

Moses names his son Eliezer, meaning My God is my help, is there.

Deuteronomy 33, 29 says, Blessed are you, Israel, who is like you, a people saved by the Lord.

He is your shield and your helper.

And so, what is what in the world does this mean for a marriage?

That means that a biblical marriage is about mutual strength, not like uh this hierarchy, but the that that the the Azair, that the woman would not mean, doesn't mean inferior, but essential in strength.

Here's what I'm trying to say.

The ladies in the house, I want you to hear me very clearly, that God's design for women in marriage is to be a powerful partner.

A powerful partner, just like God is for his people.

And the husband and the wife, they are completely equal.

And at the same time, they're distinct in their role and what they reflect of our God on high.

It's a picture of Christ in the church.

Equal and distinct.

All right, now I want y'all to hang with me, okay?

Because there are people that are married in the house, uh, there are people who are who are single, who are dating, and so this is kind of where we're going for the single people.

I want you to be thinking about looking for a marriage partner, not just romance, and that you're preparing for that love before you're pursuing it.

For those that are dating in the room, I want you to be thinking about are you pursuing a spiritually strong relationship or just an emotionally exciting one in the dating and the feels?

And for the married people in the room, are you living out God's design for partnership, or are you trying to control or resist your spouse's role?

See, because Paul, the Apostle Paul, as he talks about marriage, he tells us that is a picture.

It is a picture of Christ in the church, but he says it's a mystery.

It's a mystery how this works out.

That our earthly marriages should be a depiction of God's grace to this world, Jesus himself, and how much he loves and adores his church.

This great mystery that we're supposed to be discovering and figuring out in this life.

And so we're gonna take a look at what Paul says and teaches in Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 21.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Now, this passage before is gonna be brand new for some people in the house.

Others, you have heard this verse before, but it's been weaponized and misused in your life in the past.

And there's some people in the room that you know this scripture, and today you're gonna get a healthy reminder.

And so, Ephesians chapter 5, verse 21, scripture says, and further submit to one another out of reverence of Christ.

Ephesians 5:21

Reverence for Christ, verse 22.

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

For a husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

He is the savior of his body, the church.

And as the church submits to Christ, so wives you submit to your husbands and everything.

Verse 25.

For husbands, this means love your wives just as Christ loved the church.

He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's word.

He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any kind of blemish.

Instead, she will be holy without fault.

In the same way, everybody say same way.

In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.

For a man who loves his wife actually shows love to himself.

Verse 29.

No one hates his own body, but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for his church, and we are members of his body.

Verse 31.

As the scripture says, a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

This is a great mystery, but is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.

So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Now, I'm gonna show you all a picture that's kind of embarrassing.

Um this is uh Emily and I when we were at Cotillion in like the seventh grade dancing.

This is why we've done these interviews because Emily and I have known each other since we were six and eight years old.

There's cantillions been going on in Frankfurt IS the last couple of weeks, but this is us, this is us, this is uh Emily repinning my boutineer, and I got my tongue out for some odd reason.

And this is such an embarrassing picture.

But we did, we did, we did win the foxtrot competition together in the ballroom dance uh at that time.

Gosh, this is so embarrassing.

Um I put up this picture for you just to kind of like uh soften the blow of the scriptures that I just read to give you kind of a mental break, uh, especially ladies in the house.

Um but what I want to illustrate is that marriage, it's like a dance.

It works when both of the partners know their role and they're moving together in sync.

And if one refuses to lead and one refuses to follow, the dance falls apart.

See, this last scripture at verse 33, it says, For the man should love his wife as he loves himself, and a wife must respect her husband.

See, a man should be loving his wife so deeply and dearly that he should be cher cherishing her and pursuing her just as much as he loves himself, calling us men in the room, that we would not be selfish, but we would be selfless.

And then Paul tells these ladies, it says, and and my ask to you is for you to respect your husband.

Now, I'm gonna need some help from the gods here for a second because um I think that uh ladies, obviously, you all want for us to cherish you, and we are uh we have we have a life of acting on and cherishing you.

And also at the same time, men, we would love to hear our wives say, I love you.

But men say amen uh if you would love for your wife to look at you and say, I respect you.

To love love, sharing that love, but just as much for a wife to communicate a respect for their husband and what that means for both husband and wife, it means this that for men, we are going to choose to love our wives even when she's being unlovable.

And that, ladies, that you're choosing to love your husband even when you're choosing to respect your husband, even when he's not being respectable.

Now, that doesn't mean that you're gonna let your husband lead you into sin.

Your allegiance and submission is ultimately to the Lord, but there is this relationship that's going on that husbands, we're called to love not dominance, but of self-sacrifice.

And wives are called to respect and support, not in inferiority, inferiority, but in strength, in partnership.

And all the while, both husband and wife are called to submit themselves ultimately to Christ and in doing so be a great team.

Now, um, I'm gonna tell it and kind of try to help it this out in uh and put this another way, thinking about great teams and some great duos.

And this is kind of for the guys uh and the ladies too, um, but I'm thinking about some great duos over time, one of those being Shaq and Kobe.

Okay um now, uh Shaq and Kobe, they won three national championships together, 2000, 2001, 2002.

Actual three Pete before Shaq was traded to the Heat.

And as you think about their duo in basketball, Kobe, the the point guard, um is is uh playing this position where uh he calls plays, distributes the ball, creates opportunities uh uh to be able to score points and to win.

But the big man, the center, the power forward, is just as critical in setting screens, uh protecting the rim, rebounds, uh scoring points, finishing strong in the paint.

And uh, yes, the point guard is kind of leading the offense, but without the big man's strength and protection and presence there in the paint, like they're not going to be effective.

They're not gonna be effective.

And this is like a dynamic duo and team.

And uh in a similar way, husbands, we're called to lead sacrificially, setting up plays, leading the team, and wives are also at the same time in strength, bringing wisdom and protection, defending.

And so, as we think about marriage built in a partnership, we think about what it looks like to be this championship team, to succeed.

It's not one person dominating the other, but you're playing in roles that complement each other and in doing so can win some championships.

Amen.

Uh now, ladies, if you don't like being compared to the big man in this right now, I've got another one for you.

Um, which is uh Greg Maddox and Javier Lopez, the pitcher and catcher.

So, Greg Maddox, who uh is uh one of the top 10 uh pitchers of all time for the Atlanta Braves, a historic run in the 90s, and this was like an incredible team to follow in the 90s.

My great-grandmother was a big Braves fan.

I remember sitting in her living room and she would have the games on TV, and even when her eyesight was failing, I would just sit in the room with her and she would just listen to the TV, and her old TV had like a terrible picture, but she didn't know or care.

But I would just watch the games with her and listen to the games, and they had this awesome run in the 90s.

I got to go with my aunt and uncle to the stadium and got to uh actually have this sign ball from the catcher Javier Lopez.

See, um the Greg Maddox is like one of the best pitchers of all time, but Javier Lopez is also arguably like one of the top 20 catchers of all time because every great pitcher needs a great catcher.

And uh if if a if a pitcher doesn't have a great catcher, then it's gonna limit their ability on the field.

See the pitcher, you know, obviously throws the strikes, controls the pace of the game, has a leadership role on the field, but the catcher is just as essential because the pitch, the the catcher actually calls the pitches and in the strike zone and you know protects the plate and um is is just as needed and strong in order to be able to have this great team.

And that team was great in the 90s.

Some of the you know, the the Joneses, Chipper Jones, and Andrew Jones.

Uh you could tell I love that time.

I'm not much of a baseball fan now, but just thinking about what it looks like for somebody to be able to be in this duo and have distinct roles, but also at the same time have a partnership, and in doing so, working together to win.

Is anybody with me right now?

This this sink that has to happen between a husband and a wife to be able to work together and play off one another to be able to have a strength and strong marriage, and it leads for the married people in the house.

The call for the husband is for you to lead in a sacrificial way in love, and for wives for you to submit in strength, and there be a partnership, not a power struggle, but that it's a partnership between a husband and a wife.

Now the world says, hey, you know, uh, about what I just said in biblical marriage, it's like, hey, this is like oppressive and outdated.

Um but what we're looking at is Jesus' distinct design for marriage.

This is not about like what we think about as like the past or tradition.

What I'm calling us to is to something even greater of how Jesus has called us into a marriage relationship that that uh that is a reflection and a picture of him.

And by the way, how's the world's playbook going right now?

So that being said, as we think about what it looks like for a relationship and a marriage to be built on sacrifice, not on selfishness, it leads us to take some steps.

And just to give a little bit of practicality here for both men and women in the room, it would help us and to take a step in order for men to you to step into unselfish leading, for you to like take the initiative to pray with your wife.

Now I'm gonna need some help from the ladies.

Any ladies would like their husband to pray with them?

Can you say amen?

And to initiate that, or maybe for the husband to uh be the one to ask for forgiveness or to extend forgiveness first, or for the husband to be the one who is actually uh excited and leading the family to be at church on Sundays and to give and to serve and to tithe and to walk with God in a way that he's leading out and letting Jesus flow through him and helping and challenging and walking with and serving his family.

Ladies, you'd love that, wouldn't you?

And some of you have that and praise God.

And for the women in the room, that means like you, it would be really probably great if you could tell your husband, hey, I respect you.

And for you to let your husband lead, and when he does do something to take a step to lead, you actually celebrate it.

Heard a pastor say one time, you know, if you're if your husband uh decides he's gonna pray over dinner, maybe there's something that happened in your house, and he says, God is great, God is good, thank him for our food.

You're like, baby, that is the greatest prayer I've ever heard in my entire life.

That was like so amazing.

You're so strong, you're so sexy.

Oh, that was incredible prayer.

I love it so much.

Thank you for taking a step into being willing to lead our family.

And again, we're talking about small steps right now.

And also for our ladies, it's great also in the midst of your marriage for you to be taking your fears to the Lord and fears to to God first that it's going on.

And here's here's kind of what I'm thinking to ask you is for the ladies, like, are you resisting?

Are you respecting?

For the men, are you being selfish or are you serving?

This has looked a lot of different ways in my home, and as Emily and I and our life, and I know that Emily sees her role as a wife not just as something as a benefit our family, but as an act of worship to the Lord.

That's what her perspective is.

And I remember when we were uh making the decision to come to plant in Frankfurt, and we were in Charleston at the time, and the Lord was really putting Frankfurt and Kentucky State on my heart like every day, and I hadn't even really told Emily about this, and so finally the day came that I was like, hey babe, I think that we're supposed to go to Frankfurt to plant.

And she looked at me and she said, I think you need to go back and pray.

Because we had a great life.

We lived 26 minutes from the beach from our front door, like things are going great.

And she said, Go back and pray.

And you know what?

That's what we did.

And we together in partnership began to pray together.

And for us to be able to take a big faith leap, which now being in Frankfurt, we love Frankfurt.

Couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

Emily told me that earlier uh today.

And I just think about for uh the the marriage relationship, Emily has to be in a place where she is willing to allow me and give me space to be able to lead, and at the same time, she has to be able to trust that I'm actually following the Lord and not flying by the seat of my pants, but that I'm actually praying, I'm actually walking with the Lord, listening to his voice, and that relationship, and then we work together.

Now, um, I want to make a very big distinction right now, okay?

Hope everybody's listening.

Very big distinction.

What that scripture that we just read did not say, it did not say women submit to men.

That's not what the scripture is telling us.

And I think about those who are dating and thinking about dating, because what the scripture says is that wives submit to your husbands.

God hasn't put into practice that like there's this that women should always be subservient to men.

That's not what the Bible says.

It's talking about this relationship in the marriage relationship.

And guess what, ladies?

You get to choose who it is that you submit to.

It's your choice.

Ladies, you better not be submitting to men out there.

And anybody who tells you this should, like, you should be submitting to Jesus, to the spiritual authority in your life, to your husband.

And you get to choose.

You get to choose all that.

You're empowered.

So choose wisely.

Choose someone who that you really feel like could be somebody that you could respect, and that somebody who's listening to God, and it's not just about chemistry, but you're thinking about the longer term and you're picking a partner with purpose.

See, because you've got to be able to trust that this person that you're choosing is someone who actually can be led by God and can actually pray and can actually take the steps.

Because here's the thing: passion fades, but purpose lasts.

And the world's just telling you, you know what, just like follow your heart.

Follow your heart.

And the Bible tells us that we should guard our heart and that our dating, it shouldn't like just be for fun, but it should be intentional that we should be thinking about who it is that we're dating.

And could this create a strong marriage based on character, not on just chemistry?

And the world is constantly telling you, you know what, like if it feels good, do it.

And as you're dating and you're thinking about who it is that you want to be in a relationship long term, you think about a healthy relationship is something that you're gonna build with someone with faith, with shared values, with genuine integrity, and with character.

And so as you're pursuing someone, you've got to ask yourself is this person bringing me closer to God or taking me farther away?

Because here's the thing y'all are all gonna agree with this.

People are on their best behavior while they're dating.

People are giving you the very best picture and the best foot forward.

And so anything that's going on in the dating relationship, the marriage doesn't fix it, it magnifies it.

And so you get to pick, you get to choose.

So choose this partner with purpose that they have godly character, not just romance.

And for those in the room that are single, but you don't want to stay single, this is an opportunity for you to begin to prepare for this love before you're pursuing it.

That you're trying to figure out, okay, who in the world am I gonna date and who are they, and what are they like?

And you're not just in this state of just waiting around for your life to begin, but instead you're taking steps for you to be able to think about the long term of what's gonna happen.

And that's what it means.

Single ladies, uh, listen to me.

My ask for you is that for you to seek a selfless man.

Seek a selfless man.

Seek someone that you know, hey, this is a guy that, like, he's gonna provide for our family, and he's going to work hard, and he's going to be intentional, and he's going to lead, and he's not just gonna be all about himself and all about everything that he needs.

And then at the same time, single men, I want you to be seeking a supportive lady who actually is somebody who's not just all wrapped up in their own life and all their own needs and wants, but they actually care about your dreams too.

And they care about a future and what it looks like for them to be able to be a partner with you in the long term.

And the the world is just telling us, like, hey, just it's just just stay casual.

You know, just be casual with it.

And you're seeing right now that this isn't just like casually dating, but you for you to have purpose and intention with who you're thinking about as you're stewarding your singleness.

See, what it looks like is that in the time that you're single, instead of you just searching for the right person, you're actually becoming the right person.

And all of that pulls back to this mystery.

That is Christ showing his love for the world and his church through the marriages on this side of heaven.

See, if you're single and you want to remain single like that's totally appropriate.

But for those of you that are wanting to be or in a marriage relationship, your marriage, it's more than just what's going on in the four walls of your home.

It's a picture to the world of how Christ loved us.

The fact that even though we weren't perfect, Christ died for us.

And then, husbands, our call is to present our wives one day holy and cleansed, washed by the word, to lead our homes and our families in a way that as we present our wives and our family, we've led well to see our family follow Jesus strongly.

And ladies, for you to be a picture of God's grace and his love, to be able to be the strength in a home, to be able to support and walk with, and at times to step in and to help to push in direction to see your family get closer and closer to God.

Is anybody hearing me?

This is the picture of Christ and the church, the fact that even while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Even while we were messed up and broken, Jesus loved us in a way that was so sacrificial.

He didn't have to die for us.

He wanted to because he loves us, because he loves you.

Jesus didn't have to go to the cross, but he did in your place.

He was perfect.

He was sinless, but he loved you so much that he would take your sin onto his back and defeat it.

So then you can be in right relationship with him and give you grace.

And then you live out a life that's a picture of that grace to the people in your home and outside of it.

Now, as I think about the different places that people are in, just to just to give you some steps here.

For those that are single, you're looking for a marriage partner, not just for romance, for those that are dating, I want you to be thinking about having a spiritually strong relationship, not just an emotionally exciting one.

For those that are married in the house, I want you to be living out God's design, his distinct design for partnership, not for control or to resist your spouse's role, but for you to take steps to see your life and your relationship get healthy.

And so some of you all need to make the step that like you need to press in farther.

You need to grow in your relationship with God and one another, and you need to go in deeper.

You need to jump in and be a part of a group.

You need to get to know other believers.

You need to start taking the step to serve selflessly in your home and in his bride in the church.

You need to take some steps in to what God's calling you to.

And there I'm sure there are people that are in the house right now who you just need to take the step in to follow Jesus.

Some in the room are in other situations where you need something more intense.

You need some marital counseling.

Like go get it.

Some of you have had heal, need healing from difficult and past wounds, and you need Jesus to be the solve, to heal what's inside of a broken heart.

Don't you know that he's able?

Don't you know that he's able?

And so, a room this size, I wonder each of you, what God's calling you to in deeper.

And I'm believing in faith over Multiply Church that we would have strong homes, strong marriages, strong people who are single, all pursuing God's grace and seeing it be multiplied.

And I'm going to pray that over us now.

So if you bow your head, Father, all across the room, God, we just pray right now for each and every home that's represented.

God, thank you for loving us so much.

That you showed us the picture of your grace.

That even while we were messed up and we were broken, we were sinners, Christ, you still took the step to die in our place and to walk out of the grave and defeat death and sin.

And we thank you, God.

Lord, I pray, God, for homes in Frankfurt that would be a picture of that grace and love.

Of a love that's selfless and committed.

God, that extends grace and holds accountable and calls up to the next level.

Father, I pray, God, that you would create strong, strong homes.

That Lord, we would see your kingdom come, your will be done.

Advance here in our city and beyond.

God, I pray right now, all across the room, for anybody who's in this place who's not received you yet as Savior, that God, today would be the day of their salvation.

That they would pray, Jesus, save me.

In their mind and heart, they would pray, Jesus, save me.

I believe that you're the Son of God, that you died on the cross for my sins, and that you walked out of the grave.

Forgive me, set me free.

I give my life to you as you've given your life for me.

Nobody looking around.

Today was your day to pray that, to receive the gift of salvation on the cross.

Jesus died for you, and for you to accept it into your heart and into your mind, into your life, for you to be forgiven and set free and saved by the power of Jesus.

I want to ask for you to, in just a moment, when I count to three, to raise your hand to heaven so that I can pray for you and as a sign, as an action towards God, if that's you today and you receive Christ as your Savior to be forgiven and set free and healed.

That was you at the count of three, raise your hand, ready.

One, two, three.

Anyone in the room?

Father, I pray right now, all across this room, Lord, that this would be a place that shows your grace as a picture of how Jesus, you love us.

So I thank you, God.

I thank you for making us into those people and into that place.

And God, I believe it in faith, and I declare it and I ask it, and we agree in prayer together that we would be a place, Lord, that people are meeting you, God.

Their lives are being transformed by your great power and might.

We love you, we praise you in Jesus' name.

Everybody said, Amen.

Church, will you stand to your feet now as we worship, as we sing together?