Engaging Homelessness

So I always start this class with a couple disclaimers.

I'm going to do, I think, three or four.

First, I am not the world's best speaker.

I'll give you a perfect example of that.

In 2007, I was being interviewed by CNN.

Pretty exciting.

And they followed me around all day and our crew.

And by the end of the day, cameras are off.

The reporter and I are just chit-chatting.

And she's like, I'm just so moved by everything I saw today.

I just need to go home and drink some red wine and take a bath.

And I was like, I stopped her.

And I'm like, oh, you need to go home and decompose.

I meant decompress.

I pretty much told the reporter she needed to go home and rot.

And my piece was never aired.

So I may mess up words.

We can giggle about it.

I'm in my 40s.

I'm secure about that fact now.

Another disclaimer is that this is based all from my personal experience

of almost 16 years working with the chronically homeless.

I am not the end-all on homelessness.

This class is to glean from.

Homelessness is a complicated issue.

It is multilayered.

I am just one viewpoint.

So just know that.

I am not the end-all authority on homelessness.

To save time, I will not be proving the case for homelessness

or the biblical call to serve the poor.

Let's just all agree that homelessness is an issue

and the Bible says that we are to serve the poor.

Agree?

Yeah.

And then my last disclaimer, and this is just for my D.C. crowd,

I'm not going to do a whole lot of policy talk.

That's not what this class is for.

I laugh that D.C. is the place where people are on their way

to the poverty conference stepping over the homeless person.

I'm going to teach you how to interact one-to-one with the homeless

to become friends, to become a part of the community that's around you.

Okay, so everybody is okay with my disclaimers before we even begin.

Excellent.

This class is in four sections.

I tell you my personal story, what I think the church is doing wrong,

what it ought to be doing, and then practical application.

So my story, as we started a little bit, I am from New Jersey.

I moved to Atlanta in 1999 to work for a New York Met

that became an Atlanta Brave.

Very exciting job when you're in your 20s.

Yeah, it was a fun job.

I still keep up with that.

So in 2000, it's around this time of year,

and I'm trying to make the decision, as many people have to do,

am I going to go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas?

Christmas always wins.

So I find myself in Atlanta in 2000 with not much to do, honestly.

So I was like, well, I'll serve.

I'll serve Hosea Williams Feed the Hungry at Turner Field.

And it happened to be the same year that Hosea Williams passed away,

and about 10,000 other people, and that is not an exaggeration,

had the same idea, and I got rejected everywhere I went to serve

because they had just too many volunteers.

Atlanta Mission, who is now one of our biggest partners.

Salvation Army.

Obviously, Hosea Williams Feed the Hungry rejected me.

So my friend and I, we decided, well, we saw men and women in, like,

parking lots and business entryways not going to any of the dinners.

Maybe we'll go to the gas station nearby, pick up food, and serve them.

I was incredibly impacted by that day.

Now, it wasn't the food we gave.

I mean, it was gas station food.

It probably wasn't that good.

It was the conversations I had.

So what I did is I and my friend, we decided to go back the next week,

the next week, the next week.

And a month later, at the beginning of January, Chris McDaniel,

who was in the video, he's the pastor of Trinity England in Atlanta,

he decided, let's make this a ministry.

Well, like anyone who's only led something for a month,

my first year, I failed miserably.

I gave out a lot of money for rent because I'm gung-ho about it.

I was going to save people.

I was going to get people off the streets.

I wasn't completely naive.

I just, I worked a full-time job,

and I couldn't go to landlords to get the rent set up.

So I would hand over a large sum of money.

One gentleman called me from a motel where he had a party on my dime

to let me know that he was there doing that.

Didn't invite me, which I think was the greater insult.

I just, I wanted to help people.

I just didn't want to slow down enough to be wise.

I found a mom and a baby on the streets, not connected to any shelter.

And I was so emotionally moved that I put them in a car, no car seat,

took them to Marietta, Georgia,

or had a volunteer take them to Marietta, Georgia,

which is about a half hour away,

to a motel where I could afford it for one night.

But no backup plan.

I got them unsafely to Marietta,

outside of where all the programs are,

because I was so emotionally moved,

I just saw a child on the street sleeping in the elements.

Had to get them the next day,

because I could only afford one day.

In a car, with no car seat,

which is incredibly unsafe.

And if you've known Atlanta drivers,

they're about equal to drivers here.

It's very unsafe.

I would go downtown alone,

in some of the roughest areas of town,

by myself, late at night.

Especially when it was cold,

I was going to hand out hot chocolate.

Because again, I was going to save the world.

I would put my foot in my mouth,

often, because I was way out of my comfort zone.

So what I call my first year of service,

it's just a year of failures.

The next year is what I call the year of spiritual cleansing.

I had to repent of my prejudice and attitude.

And that's not something that just happened in year two.

That's a daily occurrence,

or I try to make it a daily occurrence.

Because me, like you,

we have an innate desire to be superior.

We, every day, struggle

with wanting to be better than the person in front of us.

And I don't care what it is.

I don't care if it's gender-related, race-related,

political affiliation-related,

urban-suburban.

However you feel superior

is something to be repenting.

So this is a daily occurrence,

but it really came to a head that year.

I had to realize that my lack

was just different, not better.

I thought, well, I've got a car,

a job, a home.

I obviously know everything about life, obviously.

I had to realize that both parties

brought something to the table.

What I was starting to realize

is that the person in front of me

had a wealth of stories and life experience

that if I would just take a step back,

I would realize the value

and the dignity placed within them.

So year one, total failure.

Year two, a lot of repenting.

Year three, no results.

And I'm a part of the Instant Rice generation,

as are you.

I want to know what I'm doing

is going to turn out well immediately,

or I'm just going to quit

because obviously I shouldn't do it.

So about somewhere halfway in that year,

I had a come-to-Jesus talk with Jesus

because, quite frankly,

I was giving up my free time, my finances.

I'm in my, I was like 27 by then, 28.

I'm giving up a lot.

Bless me.

Bless me with something

because if not, I don't know why I'm doing this.

So what happened,

that conversation didn't go quite as I'd planned,

and I decided that I was just going to choose obedience.

That was going to be the only result I kept track of.

I felt called to this,

and I was just going to choose to obey.

And after that year,

we started to see breakthrough.

We started to realize that those three years

of digging, of being consistent,

of not seeing results,

but yet still going at it,

still becoming friends,

still week in, week out,

we built trust.

I didn't know that result was needed to see,

but because we kept at it,

we were now a known entity of a safe place.

And now, almost 16 years,

we turned 16 years on November 23rd.

We have over 2,000 annual volunteers.

We're in two cities.

I live up here,

and Ben, who was on the video,

runs Atlanta.

Atlanta's where we do a lot of work.

Up here, we're slowly growing.

We do job prep.

Some events we're starting to do.

I'd really like to do more.

I always end this part with a quote,

and it's not a quote that you're going to find

on any bumper sticker or refrigerator.

It is by G.K. Chesterton.

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.

I probably should have quit.

Maybe.

It would look like I should have quit.

I was failing miserably.

I didn't have results for three years.

I was told I should quit.

But because I didn't quit,

because I was okay with failure.

I don't like it, but I'm okay with it.

Maybe that's a jersey in me.

We're used to failure.

Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.

I have a two-year-old son,

and I'll probably bring him up a few times

because I am a proud mom.

He learned to walk about two weeks

before he turned two.

The month before that,

that kid fell down every other second.

If I put the same thoughts that I put on

or that we all put on us

because we're the Instant Rice generation,

I would have told him he should just quit.

He is not doing it successfully.

I mean, it took a month.

He was falling down every other second.

He needed those falls to learn the balance,

the development.

He had to fail to learn to walk.

So anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.

The next part of this class is seven points

of what I believe are the failures of the church.

My first thought is not willing to get hands dirty

or complete indifference.

And most likely,

if you're going to spend your Wednesday night here,

you're not a part of that.

But the church at large,

that is still an issue.

I'm going to give you a quote

from a book called When Helping Hurts.

Have any of you read that?

Are you familiar with that?

Oh, yay.

It was written about 10 years ago.

It's then two college guys

that decide to become homeless

for about six months

to show how the church is with the homeless.

Here's a quote they have.

If we are the body of Christ

and Christ came not for the healthy,

but for the sick,

we need to be fully present

in the places where people are most broken.

It has to be more than a financial presence.

That helps, of course.

But too often, money is an insulation.

It conveniently keeps us

from ever having to come face to face

with a man or woman whose life is in tatters.

So that's the first error.

The second error,

willing to get hands dirty,

but it might be better if you stayed home.

Under that,

and I don't know if it's as popular in D.C.,

but in Atlanta it's very popular,

we have the preaching at them.

The homeless, they're preached at 24-7.

And I use the word at

because I want you that visual.

It's not an equal.

It's not a dignifying.

It's kind of at.

And often they're preached to hell and damnation.

Under the overpass has another great quote.

Telling a person that is suffering deeply

that he is going to suffer more

is probably a waste of breath.

It's like warning someone who is already starving

that they are about to get really hungry.

But tell them of a restaurant

that serves heaping meals to all who come

no matter where they are from

or what they look like,

and he'll more likely listen.

Another point under willing to get hands dirty,

but it'd be better if you stayed home,

is what I call the drop the food and run.

I'm coming out from,

way out from the city center.

I'm coming to where the homeless are.

I want to do my good deed.

I want to check it off the list.

So I'm just literally going to put the food out,

hand it out, and go.

I'm not going to engage.

I'm not going to interact.

I'm just going to get that little check on that box

that I did a good deed.

Another error under willing to get hands dirty,

is something called tracks.

Now, you all seem like you're a bit younger.

I'm in my 40s.

Anybody know what tracks are?

Okay, got a few.

For those of you that don't know tracks,

tracks are kind of an older generation thing

that are like booklets, little mini booklets.

Tracks, yeah, yeah.

Tracks, you know what it is?

Jack Chick just died.

Did you say that?

No, I don't.

Do you know Jack Chick?

No.

Chick Chick's cartoon tracks.

Yes, but they're usually like you're going to hell.

Exactly.

C-T-S, that's the K.

Yeah.

So my friends on the street would talk to me

about how annoying they are,

and I'm like, yeah, they're annoying,

but they're really not that bad,

until I was on MARTA.

I had just come back from New Jersey.

MARTA is the transit.

The metro.

And we're going to use transit.

It's like this.

If anybody has ever been to Atlanta,

yeah, that's a different class.

I had a rough family thing happen in New Jersey.

I was flying back.

I get to the airport.

My roommate, and I was living outside of Atlanta in Roswell,

my roommate forgot to pick me up.

So MARTA, because it's like this,

and I was living out here,

I really, and this is pre-Uber,

so I honestly didn't know how I was going to get,

and taxis don't really in the suburbs,

I mean, yeah.

I was in tears on MARTA,

because I honestly didn't know how I was going to get my bags

from, and me, to my apartment.

And I'm frustrated.

I'm sad.

I had family stuff going on, early travel.

And this guy comes up to me,

and he's like,

what you need is, you need this.

And tries to hand me a track.

I've been a Christian since I was six years old.

At my baptism, I told the pastor that I needed to get baptized,

because I was a wicked, wicked sinner.

I was six years old.

I was a church leader.

I didn't need a track.

I needed a ride.

So many assumptions were made about me,

because I was in a bad place at that moment.

But my spiritual life was not in question.

I was just having a bad day.

Then I got it.

I got why my friends on the street felt dehumanized by tracks,

and hated them.

Because so many assumptions were being made,

and not even conversation.

I saw a commercial for a popular track that looks like dollar bills.

Don't ever, ever do that.

But in the commercial,

the guy who was selling them said,

well, if you don't have time to talk to your waitress,

this is what you can use.

If you don't have time, you don't have time.

Don't give out something that looks like money.

That just makes it even worse.

Anyway, yeah.

Okay, so box down.

If you don't use tracks,

which most likely a young group like you don't,

you may have older family members that do.

And I would love and encourage you to tell them that story

of why people feel dehumanized.

Okay.

Last point of willing to get hands dirty,

but it might be better if they stayed home,

is praying without knowing their names.

A lot of times,

just again,

assumptions.

Because of where you were at,

let me just not ask you any questions,

but just say,

let me pray for you.

The homeless feel dehumanized by that.

Okay,

so we're done with that.

Willing to get hands dirty.

Let's go on to the next error.

Judgment.

If they would just get a job.

Oh my gosh,

I hear that so much.

Let me tell you my experience.

And this is just my experience,

mainly in Atlanta.

Before 2008,

one of two of my friends on the street

had a job of some sort.

2008 happened.

The economy went what it did.

In the basic things that people need,

the price went up.

The biggest demographic that we saw

in the homeless population then

was single moms.

Because they had been staying off the street.

They had been keeping their heads above water.

Everything started to cost more.

And they snowballed into homelessness.

Now we're back to like 45%,

you know,

as the economy's recovering.

So a job isn't just the answer.

Homelessness is multi-layered.

It's not as simple as that.

Another area of judgment.

I must know more about life and God

because I have a car, home, and job.

I am superior.

I must save you.

And ironically,

churches have a reputation

of lasting about six months on the streets.

Because they give up.

They didn't get the fuzzy goosebumps end.

And they didn't get what they want.

And so they leave.

I'm going to read you a,

just a quick excerpt from this book.

This is Cross-Cultural Servanthood.

And on that Engaging Homelessness class sheet

is a book list

because I refer to a lot of books on this.

So if you are doing any sort of missions,

whether it be domestic or international,

this is a great book to have and to read.

Right now what I'm going to read to you

is just a few sentences

about how we are perceived

by those we're serving.

I need to correct their error,

meaning I have superior knowledge

and a corner on truth.

My education has equipped me

to know what's best for you.

So let me do most of the talking

while you do most of the listening and changing.

I'm here to help you.

So do as I say.

I can be your spiritual mentor,

so I am your role model.

Let me disciple you,

equip you,

train you,

often perceived as

let me make you into a clint of myself

and the one that truly got me.

Superiority cloaked in the desire to serve

is still superiority.

Okay.

The next error.

Being numbers obsessed.

Pete Scazzaro has an amazing quote

about the American church.

He is a New York pastor.

He wrote Emotionally Healthy Church.

I think it was like seven years ago.

Anyway, he says that the American church

is a mile wide and an inch thick.

And if I can be so bold,

I would say that's an issue

in the nonprofit world as well.

I, like I said,

I have 2,000 or Lazarus has 2,000 volunteers.

That's a big number.

People like that.

Some events, we feed 1,000.

That's great.

We worked to get three to four people

off the streets last year

where there is long-term life change.

That is so little of a number

that it's not as, I don't know,

attractive to people.

But that's long-term life change.

That's growing people this way

rather than trying to grow everything this way.

And I think an error of the church,

and maybe it's an American thing,

is that we just care about the big numbers.

You fed 1,000, which there is nothing wrong with.

But let's care about the deep things, too,

which often the investment with those

takes so long and is so much

that it can't have big numbers.

Another error is serving for me,

not for the ones being served.

Another book on your book list is Toxic Charity.

It's written by Bob Lupton,

who is an Atlanta gentleman.

You can see a lot of Atlanta stuff in my story

and in the class.

He started a ministry,

a Christmas gift ministry.

He was in a suburban church in North Atlanta.

It's a large church, lots of money.

He was like,

well, there's neighborhoods in the inner city

that they may not have Christmas.

Let me organize something

so that the kids get Christmas gifts.

So he did that year in, year out.

Felt called to move into that neighborhood

where he had been bringing the Christmas gifts.

What happened was

he was no longer an outsider.

He was a neighbor.

Christmas time comes around.

He's no longer leaving that thing.

He's at his neighbor's house.

That group comes to the house

and he realizes that the father

leaves the house when that happens.

Digs a little deeper

and realizes that the father

felt completely emasculated

because here strangers are coming in

giving his kids gifts he can't afford.

Light bulb goes over Bob's head.

He creates a co-op

where parents can come

and get the gifts

for whatever they can afford.

So, church is still donating the gifts.

Kids are still getting the gifts.

What the church isn't getting

is that Merry Christmas,

Holy Spirit goose bump

that feel good

because it's not hands-on

but it's doing so much better

giving the power to the parents.

We just organized

a Halloween costume drive

for, I am fortunate,

I live in Southeast,

so I have three housing,

public housing apartments near us.

That was the number one thing

I thought of as I was organizing that

is how can we give these

to the parents

so they can give them

because having the outsiders come in

doesn't give the dignity,

the ability to be the hero

for the parents

with their own children.

And I thought about

how I would feel

with Jack, my son,

if outsiders were just coming in

to do things

that I couldn't do.

So, am I serving for me

or am I serving for the people

being served?

The next error,

and don't worry,

I only have two left

because I know this gets,

this is kind of

the downer part of the class.

not knowing the true stages

of charity progression,

and I could teach

an entire class on this,

so I'm going to try

to be real brief

and like explain it

in a minute.

Let's say something happens

catastrophic to D.C.

It is very appropriate

for Maryland,

Virginia,

West Virginia

to come alongside

and provide our basic needs.

We can't provide our,

I mean,

the essentials.

That's relief.

Let's say we can start,

we're building,

we're recovering

from the catastrophe.

We're able to handle

our basic needs,

but now we need infrastructure.

We need some of the things

for long term.

That is rehabilitation.

And finally,

we got those,

we're getting the infrastructure

after the catastrophe.

The states can step back

even more

and just walk alongside us

as needs come up,

but we're pretty much

managing everything.

That's development.

The problem that we have

is we answer everything

with relief answers.

We send our old T-shirts

to Africa.

We send peanut butter

to Haiti

after the earthquake,

which then killed

the peanut crop business

in Haiti.

we don't think long term

because honestly,

relief answers

are so much easier

than thinking about

the long term.

Okay,

I think I did that

under a minute.

And I see head shaking,

so I think

that was explained okay.

Okay,

the last one,

and we'll get on

to happier things.

The last error,

and this is especially

for my younger crowd,

is what we call

in the non-profit world

slacktivism.

Has anybody heard

the term slacktivism?

Okay,

what slacktivism is,

is all you do

is share on social media

and think you are

doing anything.

I share on social media,

but that's not all.

If we just ended

on social media,

it doesn't matter

how many articles

you share,

it's not as effective

as actually getting out

from behind the computer

or cell phone

and doing something.

Okay,

so I've depressed us

with all the things

we're possibly doing wrong.

Let me talk to you

about what we ought

to be doing.

The number one thing

that we try to,

with everything we do

with Lazarus,

we really keep this

in the back of our mind,

is we try to restore dignity.

Every interaction,

we think about that.

And how we do that

is with these thoughts

of being fully human.

To be fully human

is to serve and be served,

to know and be known,

to hear and be heard.

So with everything we do,

we try to have that

be a possibility.

Now, it's not always practical.

You saw Health Day

on the video.

Doctors are just going

to do medical things.

It's not going to be

a give and take.

There are just some areas

where service,

it can't be serve

and be served.

But we do try to think

about that in our interactions

so that our friends

on the street

who are often denied dignity

can have the dignity

of being fully human.

Wow.

I lost my spot.

Oh, okay.

No, I didn't.

How that also comes out

is doing things

with, not for.

Let me give you

a perfect example of that.

We're coming upon the holidays

and it's going to be time

for our annual Christmas dinner.

I think it's our 12th.

And what it is,

is this an outdoor

Christmas dinner

where we have real plates

because that is a luxury,

candlelight.

We do it outdoors

because honestly

our chronically homeless

are more comfortable

outdoors often.

What happens is,

kind of like,

let's say I invited you

all over to my house,

which,

another hour

that may happen.

If you come over,

I cook you dinner,

but then I sit down

with you.

It's not that

you are,

you know,

you have the table

and I'm putting food down

and all of the value

is perceived on my end.

No.

When you come over,

I cook dinner

and I sit down with you.

I pour wine,

I drink a glass with you

or two.

Do things with,

not for.

So at the Christmas dinner,

we sit down.

We serve, yes,

but then we sit down

and share our advent together,

share the year

that we've spent together,

celebrating.

The next area

of what we ought

to be doing

is giving time

and space

to build relationship,

to encourage equipping.

Andre Nowen says,

to convert hostility

into hospitality

requires the creation

of a friendly,

empty space

where we can reach out

to our fellow human beings

and invite them

into relationship.

This conversion

is an inner event

that cannot be manipulated

but must develop

from within.

And just as we cannot

force a plant to grow,

we can take away

the weeds and stones

which prevent

its development.

We cannot force anyone

to such a personal,

intimate change of heart,

but we can offer the space

where such a change

can take place.

That's our weekly ministry.

Three times a week,

we serve in downtown Atlanta

and we just hang out.

I talk sports.

Love sports.

Politics.

I'm glad I'm not there now

but I'm up here

so I don't know.

That's, yeah,

that's a different conversation.

We just are consistent.

We're there.

No agenda.

You want to just talk to me

about your day

over lemonade

if it's hot,

hot cocoa if it's cold?

Great.

We have no expectations.

We just want you here.

And through that space

that's created,

through the trust

that is built

is where life change happens,

not instantly.

So create the space.

Another thing the church

ought to be doing

is giving the voiceless

a voice.

In 2003,

three Cobb County men,

Cobb County is a county

that kind of is next to Atlanta

but kind of outside of it,

decide to make it a sport

to throw rocks

at sleeping homeless men.

They got one of our friends,

his name was Otis,

and Otis was one of those

true hard luck,

sorry,

I said I'd mess up words,

hard luck cases.

He had somebody

connected to his identity

that had committed a crime,

same name.

And when you are

under-resourced,

legal matters can take years

to sort through.

So through all of that,

he lost,

you know,

the little bit of money

he had

and was homeless.

Got a job

once it got sorted,

got off the streets,

you know,

he's doing well.

Hurt his back on the job.

Didn't take long

for him to snowball

into being on the streets again.

Got the call

that he was in the hospital

with 50 stitches

in the back of his head.

He did survive.

He's unconscious.

I have to take his place.

I have to give

the voiceless a voice.

Called the AJC.

They did a story on it.

I don't know if the guys

were ever caught,

but the stories,

the sport,

the crimes stopped.

Give the voiceless a voice.

You'll notice in these

that I'm not talking much

about meeting physical needs.

Didn't mention any,

actually.

And,

obviously,

meeting physical needs

is important.

if it is a relief answer,

if somebody cannot

manage their own.

I'll give you a story.

I've got lots of stories.

Larry,

who was in the video.

Actually,

before I tell you this story,

can I tell you a funny story

about Larry?

Would you all like

a humorous story?

Yeah.

Okay.

Larry came to mine

at my husband's wedding.

I love him.

We still keep in touch.

He got the Bitmoji app.

This is not the funny story.

This is a different one.

And I get,

like,

daily Bitmoji

things with him.

Anyway,

he came to our wedding,

and he told Matt,

who was in the video as well,

he's a long-term volunteer,

just how nervous he was.

You know,

he feels like my father

in a lot of ways.

So,

I was four days shy

of 37

when I got married.

So,

I was an older bride,

and I didn't have bridesmaids

because I wasn't going to do that

to my friends

because we're all older

and have been through,

like,

20 weddings.

And my husband was a widower,

so we just decided,

let's just keep it simple.

He met me halfway up the aisle,

and then we walked down together.

Well,

when he started to come up the aisle

to meet me,

Larry thought he was walking out on me.

Got up to tackle him.

Matt stopped him,

fortunately,

so all went okay.

There was,

Joe was not injured on her,

yeah,

at the wedding.

But I really love Larry,

and he's hysterical.

So,

2009,

the serious story.

In 2009,

he was having issues.

He had brain tumors,

and the way his work,

I don't know,

it would just kind of go,

ebb and flow

between the doctor's treatments,

and he would feel good,

and then he would feel poorly.

And he was feeling poorly.

And it was fall time,

it was starting to get cold,

and he was sleeping outside,

and I hated it

because this is not just a random person.

This is someone I consider dear.

And so,

I would give him five or nine dollars

to get rooms at shelters.

Some shelters in Atlanta,

you can have a private room

for a very little fee.

And so,

I did that for a couple months

because I just,

I hated that he was going to be sleeping

on the street,

and I care about him.

And so,

it came to be about December,

and Chris,

the pastor,

said,

you know,

why don't you go away

for Christmas

and just turn off your phone,

which is such a wise thing

to say to anybody.

But at that point,

I was burnt out.

Downside to this kind of employment

is that every decision you make

has an emotional weight to it.

Even if you're putting

the best boundaries up,

there's an emotional weight

to that decision.

And so,

I was burnt out,

and I took his guidance,

and I went to Michigan

with my best friend

and her family,

and told Larry I was going,

and left town,

and got back,

phones on,

and he had found

a place to stay

and a job he could do

with his ailment.

If I would have just stepped back

and gave him the dignity

of problem solving,

this could have probably been solved

a couple months beforehand.

I kept going in

because I'm going to fix it.

It's all kind of about me.

I cared.

I mean,

it wasn't completely selfish,

but I didn't allow him

the dignity of problem solving,

so I came up with

Band-Aid solutions

when he came up

with a long-term solution.

So I tell you that story

is that, yes,

meet physical needs.

It's important.

But always ask yourself,

can this person

use the dignity,

the intelligence

that God gave them

to problem solve

even better than you?

Okay,

so the last section

is practical application.

And this is honestly

the part where most people

fly me in to talk about

because most people

that I go around the country

teach in this class

and they live,

work,

or go to school in cities

and just want to know

how to love

their homeless neighbors.

So,

before I start

any of this,

I want to

get some head shakes

that you're hearing me

when I say

that everything

I'm about to say

is when you are safe.

I have some head shakes,

yes?

You are in a safe environment.

If you are not safe,

get out of there.

Okay?

All right, good.

I needed someone

to tell me this

16 years ago.

Three points

for passing those

on the street,

on your way to work,

school, whatever.

I like to fight against

your invisible stare.

We kind of know that

you're walking along,

they're here,

maybe you're afraid

they're going to ask

for money,

maybe it's their visual

appearance is emotionally

moving,

I don't know what it is,

I fight it too.

But I like to fight

against your invisible stare.

And one reason

I like to do this

is because of a story

that a volunteer told me

after a health day.

She was at the end

of health day

just saying goodbye

to a guest

that had attended.

And she was like,

it was so good

to see you.

And he looked back

at her with like

the most intensity

and said,

it was so good

to be seen.

We don't realize

that being seen

is a luxury

for the homeless.

Because they often

want to be kind of

put into the corner,

away so we don't

have to deal with them,

don't have to see them.

Don't have to remember

that they are still

very much

creatures of dignity

that God created.

I like to look

people in the eyes.

I, like I said,

was raised in New Jersey

where we don't talk

to anybody

and don't look at people

we don't know.

And then spent 14 years

in Atlanta

where we tell everything

to everybody.

Then they talk behind you,

behind your back

after you leave.

But still,

you're telling

the Chick-fil-A person

your entire life story

very quickly.

So now I have

no problem

saying hi.

It's true,

isn't it?

Yeah,

so I like to say hi

when I'm comfortable

and when I'm safe.

And I also like

to tell people

that you are allowed

to be busy.

Sometimes people

need to hear that

because they feel guilty

when they're rushing

to work

because they're running late

because life happens.

It does.

Don't feel guilty.

The next day,

just make a little bit

more time if you can

to give space

to say hi.

Three points

on being asked money.

I like to change

the focus of this question

and I get this question.

It is the number one

thing I'm asked.

Do I give money?

Should I give money?

I like to change

the question

do I know this person?

If I've taken the time

to get to know this person,

I know the answer.

If I'm not comfortable

giving out money,

I don't give out money.

One to two dollars

isn't going to make

or break a situation.

So if you do want

to give money,

great, give a dollar.

Give two.

There are people

that, like Larry,

come to my wedding,

come visit me in D.C.,

spend the holidays with me

and there are people

that I won't allow

in my home

because I do know them

and I can't trust them

around my two-year-old son.

They are known,

good or bad,

they are known.

You don't,

haven't built that time yet,

want to do something kind,

don't feel comfortable

giving money,

water bottles,

granola bars,

Metro cards,

McDonald's gift cards,

Starbucks gift cards.

There are other things

to give

that you're prepared

to show kindness,

to build towards

getting to know

your neighbor

who you pass

day in, day out.

So, conversation

and building relationships.

After you've seen Sam

every day for a long time,

you've started to say hi,

you've started to become friendly.

A lot of times

I get told,

oh, but this is

kind of uncomfortable,

I don't know

where to get from A to B,

how do I do that?

So, I give them

this question to ask

after names are exchanged,

all that,

and this has saved me

not only on the streets

of Atlanta,

but in stuffy dinner parties

that I don't know

what I'm going to have

in common.

Where are you from?

You can build

on that question,

especially in D.C.

When did you move here?

Oh, you're from New Jersey.

Are your parents there?

There's just so many

different directions

you can go with that question

and all of a sudden

somebody's telling you

about the sister

they are no longer

talking to

and haven't talked to

in 20 years

because people want

to tell you their story.

It's just about the keys

to get the comfort.

And when you're

having that conversation,

I like to tell people

to have it be

an equal conversation

if you're comfortable

because nobody likes

to be peppered

with 100 questions

and feel interrogated.

Oh, I moved to D.C.

three and a half years ago.

I love it.

I live in Southeast.

You know,

just the ebb and flow

of conversation.

And as I'm sharing my life,

I like to come

with the highs

and lows of life.

Just come as I am.

Whatever that is.

I'll give you two examples

of that.

In 2002,

I got my first new car.

It was a beautiful

black Volkswagen Jetta.

And I'd had a lemon.

I don't know

if any of you

have had that car

that cost $1,000

in the beginning

and then $14,000

later in repairs.

It was awful.

So it had died

a bad death.

And I needed

something just stable.

Something that I could

get to work in.

So I decided

going to go

the Jetta route.

And I was driving

to the parking lot

where we normally served.

And I was feeling

that anxiety

because I'm going in

with this beautiful

black car

that I love.

I mean,

when black cars

are washed,

they are pretty.

And my friends

were going back

to cardboard boxes.

And I felt the weight

of that gap

as I went up

to the parking lot.

And when I got there,

I was so surprised

at the reaction I got.

My friends

were excited for me.

They wanted to ask me

a ton of questions

about cars

that I did not know.

It is a four-cylinder.

It was.

I don't have that car anymore.

All I knew

is it had a great

sound system

and pretty blue lights

on the dashboard.

They were thrilled.

They loved it.

And I learned

something that day.

And I'm not saying

this is okay

from a worldview,

but from a relational

point of view,

this was okay.

Where I was

and where they were

relationally,

we're fine

because we're friends.

It was just

where we were.

And I'm not saying

that's okay

from a worldview,

but I am saying

it was okay

relationally.

So the flip side,

that's a high in life.

Let me tell you

about a low.

My cousin

committed suicide

in 2005.

He was 27 years old

and it was a shock.

Part of my family

lives in Colorado.

I jumped in the car,

drove out to Colorado

to deal with,

you know,

funeral,

all that kind of stuff.

Missed a couple Sundays

and again,

what's the key thing?

We're consistent.

I was fearing

that they thought

I'd let them.

You know,

even missing just two

because churches

kind of just drop.

Get back to Atlanta

and a dear friend's

mom passed away

and it was a real

hard thing for her

because her father

had passed away

just two months beforehand.

So,

about to get back

in the car

to go Mobile,

Alabama

to help her

with this death.

I'm really worried

at that point

because now we're

looking at three weeks

to a month

that I'm not

going to be present.

And so,

I go down

to the parking lot

where we normally serve,

same parking lot

that I was just

talking about

with the car.

And it's Sunday morning

and normally

about 50 to 100 people

are in this parking lot.

This morning

for whatever reason

there was one guy

in the parking lot

and he happened

to be the meanest person

I've ever met.

And I'm from New Jersey

so that is truly saying

very mean.

So,

I'm in a raw place

and I'm like,

do I even go up to him,

you know,

pull up to him

and roll down my window

and tell him

what's going on?

I mean,

normally I was met

with expletives

or expletives,

expletives,

whatever,

whenever I talked to him.

And I sucked it up,

I pulled up to him,

I rolled down my window

and I,

you know,

snot to my toes

trying to spit out

what had happened,

you know,

because I was raw in grief.

And I blubbered it out,

I rolled away,

went to Mobile, Alabama,

came back,

my first week back

and he came up to me

and he was like,

I was praying for you.

I'm like,

okay,

who are you?

Realized,

and we were never

close friends,

he was never

buddy-buddy with me,

he never started,

like, you know,

laughing and joking

all the time.

But I did realize

that there was

a small breakthrough

with him

because I didn't come

to him that day

with any capacity

to save him.

I could barely

muster up life.

I was in the throes

of grief,

I was raw,

I was at a bottom

and I was so

relatable there.

In life,

in your communities,

including your

homeless brothers

and sisters,

come as you are,

the highs and lows.

After a time

of consistent interaction

and conversation,

I like to follow up

by finding out

what talents,

what assets

people bring to the table.

We've gotten to know

Tony on Barracks Row.

I live near

Potomac Abbey Metro,

so we walk to Barracks Row

all the time.

And Tony is a gentleman

that's experiencing

homelessness.

And he's also

an amazing caricaturist.

So,

I try to hire him

when I,

like,

I threw a fall festival

on Sunday.

It was Sunday.

The word's

a week's of blur.

I think it was one day

this weekend.

Now,

granted,

he doesn't have

a phone always,

so the communication

got,

he wasn't able

to work that day.

But I'm trying

because he has talent.

He has an asset

to bring to the community.

And I want to call that out.

I don't believe

in this ridiculous

Christian,

American,

bad theology

of fake humility.

Chris McDaniel,

the pastor in Atlanta

who I refer to a lot,

he's a dear friend,

he says that humility

is an honest assessment.

And if we walk that out,

if we say what we're good at

and what we're bad at,

then other people

feel that confidence,

that comfort

to say what they're good at.

I am really good

at throwing large events.

I am terrible

with grammar

and spreadsheets.

That's just

an honest assessment.

I have some good qualities.

I am made

in the image of God

and I am a creature

of dignity.

I am comfortable

in saying that

so thus,

we could then

have the conversation

of what you're good at.

If you are only saying

I am bad at stuff,

you are not giving

the people around you

the comfort zone

to also have them

say they're good at stuff.

Almost done.

Beware of the savior complex.

You cannot save anyone.

You can bring hope

and light

to spark change.

You can be the hands

of Jesus,

but you are not God.

Beware of time expectation.

It takes months,

if not years,

for breakthroughs

and life change.

With the mentally ill,

I just try to make them

as comfortable

as possible.

That is way above

my pay grade

and probably above

most of yours.

And the only thing

I'm going to say

about policy

is that we have

a mental illness

resource crisis

in America.

I'm going to give you

a very personal story

of that.

I was two weeks

shy of 40

when I had my son.

Around month three,

when he was three months old,

I started to unravel.

A lot of chemical changes

happen with pregnancy.

I was an older mom,

so that may have

taken place.

I was diagnosed

while I was unraveling

and went to get

psychiatric help.

I have insurance.

It was a month wait.

A month.

I was not sleeping

or eating.

A month,

and I am a resource person.

I had to go

out of pocket

to get the help

I needed.

I am a resource person.

In Atlanta,

it was a three-month wait.

Sorry,

three-week wait

for an emergency

mental health call.

Emergency is

you are harmed

to yourself

or another.

Three weeks.

I don't have

the answers for policy.

I don't know

the funding.

I do know

we have a crisis.

Be smart

and use wisdom.

Use your gut

when it comes

to safety

and hustling.

Sorry,

that was a bad segue.

I'm back to the list.

Do not be led

by guilt.

Guilt is a terrible,

terrible decision maker.

If I'm alone,

if I feel unsafe,

fortunately,

I am not the world's savior

and God has a lot more

in the world

other than me.

So I just pray

that somebody else

more equipped

can come and help.

Protect your car

and home base.

Again,

ask,

do I know this person

and their story?

Know your limits.

Self-care is not selfish

and you need to be

a good steward of you

and you have limits.

You have limits

in time,

financial limits,

energy,

ability.

My husband and I

have very different limits

when it comes to

social energy.

I guess I'm an extrovert.

Maybe I am.

I can be with a lot of people

for a long time.

He has a lower limit.

Even we have different limits.

Know your limits.

Know the difference

between nice and kind.

The Middle English root word

for nice is foolish

and stupid.

Nice is boundaryless,

a pushover.

Kind is more genuine

and has boundaries.

And I'll even be so bold

to say Jesus wasn't nice.

He wasn't.

We make him this

American nice

and I know I sound like

I'm anti-American.

I'm not.

I'm just saying

we have some issues

in our perceptions of Jesus.

He had lines of need

and was like,

now I'm going to go

over here and rest.

My husband's favorite verse

in the Bible

is where the Pharisees

say something stupid

and Jesus sighs.

My husband relates to that.

And I can imagine it

just,

he overturned tables.

I have never in my life

overturned a table in anger.

I have broken a glass.

I've never overturned a table.

This Jesus we serve

was not nice.

Kind, yes.

Not nice.

Always ask,

can this person help themselves?

How can I walk alongside?

And I'll end with this.

Attended a staff meeting

at Trinity

and Chris McDaniel,

the pastor,

had a whole meeting

based on these three sentences

from a Jesuit priest.

And we're all over 18 here.

Anybody offend

if I use the real language?

Bring it.

All right.

These three things

are great thoughts

to have in the back of your mind.

You are not Jesus.

This is not heaven.

Don't be an ass.

You are not Jesus.

You cannot save everyone.

Find what you can do

and do it well.

This is not heaven.

We're not living with the ideal.

We're going to have

puppies that die,

crime,

all the things that go on in life

that is just awful.

We're going to have it.

It's a part of life.

It's not heaven.

Between the tension of those two,

don't be an ass.

So that's it.

True Jersey fashion,

I end with the word ass.

Thank you guys

for having me.

Can we do questions?

Yeah.

Answers?

Yeah.

Can I do the first question?

Can you tell your

Super Bowl party story?

Which Super Bowl party is that?

Oh, well,

tell us about

how you started

doing a Super Bowl party.

Oh, okay.

Well, we do

throw a Super Bowl party

and it is fun.

Pretty much

there is no serving involved.

We do a chili cook-off

and it just kind of

happened to me

because I love sports

and I was like,

well, where are my friends

spending Super Bowl Sunday?

It's kind of like a holiday.

Got a projector

and a screen

and this is outside

in February now,

well, January then.

That's a long time ago.

February now.

Have chili cook-offs.

That's how we get food.

And you want to talk about

just bringing people together

over smack talk

where it is equalizing.

I mean, there's no service.

You eat chili

and you make fun

of the Broncos

or whoever's playing

or the halftime show.

Really funny,

the year that

Janet Jackson thing happened,

the reception wasn't good.

So I had no idea

any of that had happened

until I got home

the next day

because we just couldn't see

very clearly

during halftime.

Is that kind of

just the general?

Did I tell you

a funny story

that I'm just not remembering?

No.

Okay, good.

I want to do that here.

It's a little colder up here

so I don't know

how that,

I want to start doing

bigger events up here

because they're fun.

Our health day

is a lot of fun.

We have dance-offs

at everything we do

because that's fun.

I think fun is a need.

I mean,

it is a part

of what we need

to live

to feel truly alive.

So I look at fun

as something

that is a desperate need.

Even for busy

up-and-comers

DC people,

fun is a need.

Great.

Okay.

Thanks.

Yeah, so,

so,

I was curious

how you connected

with other organizations

here such as

the pathways

to housing

and other organizations.

I do.

I attended

the breakfast

this morning.

Were you there?

Yeah, I was there too.

Did you see a woman

running around

after a two-year-old?

I was stuck

in the corner.

Okay, that was me.

My two-year-old

was amazing.

I mean, he's two.

Very quiet,

but he has to wiggle

at some point.

He's two.

And I'm taking him

to these breakfasts

and dinners

and, yeah,

all that kind of stuff.

I am the main caretaker

for my son,