Gender and the Gospel

Good evening, everybody.

Last night, I heard word, the people who live in our basement let us know that there was

a leak.

It was a minor leak, plumbing issue of some kind.

And so my wife said, well, it sounds like there's a leak in the basement, should I call

a plumber?

I kind of thought for a minute and said, I can fix it.

And so I grabbed my tools, you know, out of this kind of Home Depot kit that I have,

and I grabbed my laptop so that I could watch YouTube videos.

And armed with those two things, I went down into the basement and started tinkering around

and kind of got my tools out and started trying to go to work on this little leak.

And suffice to say, about 10 minutes later, I literally had a geyser of water spraying straight

up in the air and filling this room where we have a bunch of boxes stored.

And I'm yelling up the stairs for Laura to call an emergency plumber right now, you know,

call 911.

And it turns out I don't know anything about plumbing.

And we realized this, you know, and it was interesting to have that experience and then

to be thinking in the aftermath as I'm kind of drying off and cleaning up the mess, that

it may sound ridiculous, but there was this tiny little voice in me that said, does this

mean that you're less of a man because you couldn't fix the plumbing issue?

And sure as day, there was a part of me that said, that's ridiculous, but there was this

little voice that said, yeah, does this mean you're less of a man?

And it's interesting as we think as Christians, what does it mean to be a man or to be a woman

if we're a Christian?

Is there some way that Christians think differently about gender?

This is a topic along with race and social class that we've been considering together

over the last few weeks.

We've been allowing God's Word to guide us as we navigate some pretty tricky water.

Paul lived in a culture very much like we do where there were a lot of distorted ideas

about race and class and gender.

And there was a prayer that was very commonly prayed by Jewish men that said,

Blessed be God that He did not make me a Gentile.

Blessed be God that He did not make me ignorant or a slave.

Blessed be God that He did not make me a woman.

These are the distortions that were present, a very clear sense of hierarchy and value when

it comes to these descriptors of human identity.

Now, here's how Paul responds to that in our passage that we're going to focus on tonight,

Galatians 3, verses 26, 27, and 28.

Galatians 3:26

He says,

In Christ Jesus, you all are sons of God through faith.

For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ.

There's neither Jew nor Greek.

There's neither slave nor free.

There is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

So what Paul is saying is this.

The gospel is not just about getting saved from sin.

The gospel is God's way of building a worldwide family through Jesus Christ.

Where all of our differences remain, race, class, gender, they remain and yet they no longer

define us.

They're no longer a source of division.

They remain only as a testament or a picture, a beautiful tapestry of God's limitless creativity.

And so we've already looked at race and we've already looked at class.

And so today we're going to focus a bit on this very massive topic of gender.

And there's a lot of ways that we could go with this.

We're going to specifically focus on the plight of women a lot more than men because the passage

is really about the fact that there are no second-class citizens in the kingdom of God.

And if anyone throughout history has been treated like a second-class citizen when it comes to

gender, it's women.

If you look at the history of violence and oppression and injustice, the Me Too movement

is raising awareness about that in a very crucial way right now.

We have the reality of sex trafficking.

We still have upwards of 5,000 honor killings every year.

We have workplace inequality and all of the statistics around that.

And so this requires our attention.

And so we're going to ask, what does the gospel have to say about this?

And a couple of caveats before we dive in.

Caveat number one, just as I've said before, this is a massive topic.

So I'm going to confine myself to what Paul is saying in Galatians chapter 3.

Galatians 3 · chapter mention

So this is very clearly not about marriage or marriage roles.

This is very clearly not about ministry or ministry roles, although it has implications

for those things.

That's not Paul's focus here.

And the second caveat is I realize that I'm a man.

And all that that represents for me to stand up here and sort of explain gender.

And so that's not my goal.

My hope is actually that we all would turn our attention to God's word and that we would

all sit under God's word.

I want to share a little bit with you about what has come from me trying to sit under these

words over the last several weeks.

And I think that if it says what I believe it says, it offers us a kind of hope, men and

women, that we're not going to find anywhere else.

So we're going to break this into three parts.

We're going to look at first how the gospel transformed gender in society, did things

that nobody had ever seen before.

Then we're going to ask what made this transformation possible.

And then finally, we're going to look at a few implications for the church here in D.C.

Let's pray.

Lord, we thank you for your word and we thank you that we're not limited to sit and contemplate

this in our own wisdom, but rather your word has power.

And your word is the word that created this world out of chaos.

And so, Lord, we pray that you would recreate us, that you would use your word to kindle

our imagination, to see possibilities that may go beyond what we can imagine without you,

that you would give us hope, that you would convict us, that you would do your work in

us.

We pray this in your son's name.

Amen.

So we're going to ask first, how did the gospel transform gender in society?

In order to do that, I've got to give you a little context about the Greco-Roman world

when Paul began to preach this message that he received from Jesus.

There were kind of two poles when it came to how people thought about gender, two extremes

actually not unlike our culture today.

On the one hand, you had the Greco-Roman world, Roman society, and Roman society was very

hierarchical.

It was intensely patriarchal.

Ideas like gender equality or universal human rights simply did not exist in this world.

So freeborn women, although they could be citizens, were not allowed to hold political office.

They were not allowed to vote.

Aristotle's thinking was very influential in this culture, and Aristotle taught that true

friendship between men and women was simply not possible because he taught that women were

inferior to men, and true friendship is only possible between equals.

And so when Aristotle talks about friendship, he specifically means men being friends with

men.

He also taught that in the household, husbands should rule over their wives.

They should rule over their children and over their slaves.

And the role of a wife was to be silent and to obey.

It's interesting when you think about the kind of caricature of fundamentalist conservative

Christianity and the teaching there on marriage, it actually sounds a lot like the Roman Aristotelian

approach to marriage rather than the Christian one.

Women should be silent and obey.

This is Aristotle.

When it came to sexual ethics, brace yourselves, there was a double standard.

For men, and it's hard to get into this mentality, or maybe not so hard, it may not be as unfamiliar

as we like to think, masculine identity was defined and expressed in terms of dominance.

So if you were able to show your power, show your ability to dominate others, that made you a man's

man.

And so sex was a way to dominate others and to show your power.

So freeborn men could have sex with their wives, although that is actually downplayed and

denigrated by the poets and the philosophers.

That was seen as a kind of civic duty, you know, to make sure to repopulate Rome.

And so you could do that.

It was sort of your civic duty.

You could have sex with the high-end courtesans, the heteroi.

You could have sex with the brothel prostitutes.

You could, of course, have sex with your slaves because slaves were property.

They weren't even people.

You could do whatever you wanted to your slaves.

And it was just assumed that men would be having sex with all of these varieties of people.

For women, it was quite different.

Female sexual purity was highly guarded, right?

So again, not unlike the conservative Christian stereotype, right?

A very high purity culture when it comes to women.

And these women were thus very sheltered.

They grew up freeborn women, very sheltered lives.

There was no concept in this world of consent.

As we talk a lot about today, no concept of consent in the Roman world.

In fact, when a woman was raped, the concern over the rape from the male perspective was not so much the trauma.

It was the fact that the woman had been spoiled.

She was no longer a virgin and was not desirable for marriage.

So this is the kind of culture that we're dealing with.

So on the one hand, you have the Roman world, which is intensely hierarchical and patriarchal.

On the other end, you have the Gnostic religions.

And they're very mysterious.

And it's hard to make too many statements about all of the Gnostic religions.

It's a variety of the mystery religions.

But one of the prominent teachings in Gnosticism was the idea that the ideal for gender would be to flatten it.

In other words, to do away with it.

To collapse everyone into a kind of androgyny.

Right?

Or more specifically, the hope was that women, the highest ideal for women is that they could become men.

Because women were seen as incomplete.

And so a woman's great hope was to become like a man.

And again, debatable how similar that is to some of the ways we operate today.

But the last line of the Gospel of Thomas, which is a Gnostic text, says this.

For every woman who will make herself male will enter the kingdom of heaven.

Right?

So this is the thinking.

So the poll on one end, intense patriarchy.

On the other end, do away with gender altogether.

And in the midst of this, this society begins to emerge.

The Christian church that is radically different than anything the world has ever seen before.

And the Gospel began to do what the Gospel always does.

It challenged people on this side.

And it challenged people on this side.

It made everybody a bit angry.

And it offered something infinitely better.

And this is what we began to see.

We began to see that on the one hand, Christians challenged the Roman hierarchy.

This idea of the inferiority of women.

They taught that, as Genesis 127 says, God created men and women as equals.

And yet they also challenged the Gnostics.

They rejected this idea that women and men should be collapsed into some sort of androgynous,

non-gendered form of humanity.

They believed that maleness and femaleness were two equal and yet very distinct ways of being human.

They taught that women alongside men reflect the glory of God in unique ways.

It is an equal and yet overlapping and distinct way of expressing God's glory in the world.

And by the way, this teaching, as we said last week, is the foundation for universal human rights.

The reason people, even very secular people in the West, believe in human rights for all people

is because the Christians taught that God created everyone in His image.

And so everyone deserves dignity.

Right?

So these are some of the changes that we began to see in the Christian community.

I'll just give you a few more.

Christianity also introduced the entire concept of consent and covenant

when it came to male-female relationships.

In Roman society, a husband, as I said before, could sleep with whomever he chose, more or less,

except for maybe free-born women.

A woman, if you were married or unmarried, it didn't matter, couldn't sleep with anybody.

And Paul then comes along, realizes this is happening, and he says in 1 Corinthians 7.4,

not only do husbands have authority over their wives' bodies,

but he says that wives also have authority over their husbands' bodies.

So he's saying very clearly to the men,

now that you're a follower of Jesus, it's no longer okay for you to sleep with the courtesans.

You can't sleep with the prostitutes.

You can't sleep with your slaves.

You have to be faithful to this covenant that you've made with your wife.

And guess what?

Whatever you desire to do with your body,

your wife has the final word on whether or not you can do that.

Now, to us, that sounds like common sense,

but we have to understand how radical,

how profoundly equalizing this would have been in the world that Paul was writing into.

So beyond that, we have, in the following centuries,

Christians greatly expanded protection for slaves and women.

You know, Rodney Stark, who I like to mention from time to time as a historical sociologist,

he says that the church grew explosively in the first few centuries,

that in the first century, Christians made up 0.002% of the population.

And in 300 years, Christians made up 56% of the population.

That is unheard of, that kind of growth.

And it is largely explained by the fact that women flocked to the church,

as well as slaves and eunuchs,

people who didn't have rights,

people who were treated with disrespect or disdain in other parts of the world.

They flocked to the church because for the first time anywhere,

they were treated with dignity and respect,

and they were cared for.

Also, for the first time, again, very radical,

singleness was not only dignified,

but it was actually held up as the ideal life.

Right?

That, you know, and in the Roman world,

if you were, say, a widow,

and your husband had died in battle or something,

the Roman government required that you remarry within two years,

lest you become a drag on the common resources of society.

And so they would fine you

if you didn't remarry within two years of being a widow.

The Christians saw all these widows,

and they said, you can come into the church,

and if you want to remarry, we'll help you do that.

If you want to stay single for the rest of your life,

you can do that as well.

Regardless, we will take care of you.

We will be your family.

And this is why you see so many instructions in the New Testament

about care for widows,

because they had a ton of widows

who came because of how well they were treated.

So see, these are some of the changes

that the Christian community began to introduce,

and it's all as a result of their faith.

And so we want to turn our attention to that.

What made this transformation possible?

And the answer is the gospel made it possible

precisely because the gospel does two things.

The gospel shows us what it means to be human,

and then it restores to us our humanity.

And I want to look a little more into that.

The Bible tells us that human beings were created,

as I said before, to reflect God's glory in the world.

That's what it means to be a human being.

You reflect God's glory.

But human beings were not content with that role,

and human beings gave in to the temptation.

We see this in Genesis 3,

to seek to become like God.

We want our own glory.

We want our own definition of right and wrong.

We don't want to reflect glory.

We want to be the glory.

And as a result of that rebellion,

there was a brokenness that entered

into our relationship with God.

We were created to love and to serve God,

but as a result of our rebellion,

we got locked into a power struggle with God,

vying for control,

denying God in the world that He made.

And that's very important to understand that

because it impacts the relationship between people,

between men and women.

Right?

We got locked into a power struggle with God,

and then what is the result of that?

What's the consequence of that?

Well, Genesis 3, 16,

God describes the fallout of the fall,

and here's what He says to Eve.

As a result of this sin, this rebellion,

your desire shall be to dominate your husband.

That's what the language actually means.

Your desire shall be to dominate your husband,

but he shall rule over you.

Now, what does that language imply?

Man, woman, you were created as equals

to serve alongside each other,

to care for all the world that God had made,

but now as a result of your sin,

you will be locked in a power struggle with one another,

a power struggle for dominance.

You'll want to dominate Him.

He'll want to rule over you.

And so what we need to see

is that there is a deep and profound connection

between the relationship that we have with God,

the vertical relationship,

and the relationships that we have with one another.

We got locked into a power struggle with God,

and as a result,

our horizontal relationships themselves

have now become power struggles.

And this is how the Bible would explain

the intense patriarchy of Rome.

It's Genesis 3, 16 playing out.

This is how the Bible would explain

all of the myriad issues

regarding gender relationships

that we deal with today,

not just in marriage,

but all of the issues.

But I can assure you

that those of you here who are married,

the language of power struggle

is probably familiar.

Right?

So the problem in our world

when it comes to gender

is not just toxic masculinity,

although that's a major issue.

It's not just restrictive,

socially constructed gender stereotypes.

It's not just biased institutional corruption.

All of these are very real issues.

We're not denying that.

The problem is,

all of those are surface level issues.

They don't get down to the heart of the problem,

the core of the problem.

The power struggle between us and one another

is the result of the power struggle

between human beings and God.

And so this is the principle

that you see show up again and again

and again in Scripture.

Before we can deal with the horizontal,

before we can experience healing here,

we have to experience healing

in the vertical relationship with God.

It has to begin there.

And this is where the gospel

becomes such good news.

Because the gospel says

that God was able to overcome

the power struggle with human beings.

But how does God do that?

Not by force.

Not by coercion.

He lets us win.

He says,

no more power struggle.

I'm not going to fight you.

And Jesus Christ,

who had all the privilege,

all the power,

all the glory,

gets all of it away,

lays himself out,

allows himself to be mocked and tortured,

allows himself to be executed.

He lets us win.

Right?

If you're God,

and you're trying to love people

whom you have made,

and they hate you

and want to supplant you,

and they want you dead,

they want you gone,

how do you love people

who want to kill you?

How do you save people

who want to kill you?

This is the brilliance of the gospel.

How do you do that?

There's only one way you can do it.

You allow them to kill you,

and then you make your death

the means of their salvation.

That's the brilliance of the gospel.

That's how God overcomes the power struggle.

And so as a result of Jesus' death on the cross,

God is able,

because of his death,

to forgive all of our sin.

And this invitation goes out

from the resurrected Jesus

that anyone who comes to him

can receive forgiveness

and be restored to God.

The power struggle has been overcome.

You can be forgiven

and reenter the world

and the life of love

and being loved

and serving the God who made you.

And so to all of those people

who have become followers of Jesus,

this is what Paul says.

For as many of you as were baptized into Christ

have put on Christ.

There's neither Jew nor Greek.

There's neither slave nor free.

There's no male and female,

for you're all one in Christ Jesus.

The reason that Christians

had such a profoundly different view

of race and class and gender

is because they had a different view

of what it means to be human.

It's because they had ceased

to be defined by their race

or their class or their gender.

Those things matter.

They're important.

But they no longer defined them.

What defined them

was the identity

that they gained in Jesus Christ.

And that began to transform

not just the vertical relationship

but all of the horizontal relationships.

They began to see one another

in a completely different light.

Right?

No more status hierarchies.

No more superior, inferior,

one family of equals before God.

All one in Christ.

And so because God overcame

His power struggle with us

through sacrificial love,

that shows us

that there's only one way

we can overcome

the power struggles

that exist between us,

between human beings,

between men and women

as we vie for dominance

in the world.

The only thing that will overcome it

is sacrificial love.

And you say,

well, how do we know that?

And what's interesting is

we actually see that

laid out in Scripture.

There's this great place

in Ephesians chapter 5

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

where Paul is describing

the Christian community.

He's describing and giving

all of the characteristics

of a joyful,

worshiping community

of men and women

who belong to Christ.

And at the very end

of that general section,

before he begins

to get specific,

before he begins

to talk about marriage

and work and children

and all of that,

there's this place

in Ephesians 5.21

where Paul describes

all men and women

and how they relate

to one another.

And he says this,

that Christian men and women,

instead of the power struggle,

should always be submitting

to one another

out of reverence for Christ.

You know what Jesus did for you?

Now do that for one another.

That's what he's saying.

It's the reversal

of the power struggle.

See, submission here

means to put your self-interest aside

and to seek the flourishing

of the other.

It's saying,

I'm going to put

my preferences

and my needs aside

and I'm going to build you up.

So Paul is saying,

here's the way Christian men

and women relate

to one another.

Christian men

put their self-interest aside

and they build women up.

All right?

Christian women

put their self-interest aside

and they build men up.

And what he's saying is,

gender doesn't have to be

a zero-sum game.

It doesn't have to be

winner-take-all.

We build one another up in love.

We sacrificially love

one another

as Christ has loved us.

Now, we've got to take this

with the time we have left

and begin to turn this

into implications.

What can we draw from this

as we think about

our life together

as this church in D.C.?

And I want to say,

you know,

if you're not a Christian,

some of this will probably

not apply to you

and that's okay.

So I'm really going to

specifically talk

to Christians here

for a minute,

but I just want to consider

a few implications.

Number one,

we have to talk about

the Me Too movement,

which has done

an enormous amount of good

drawing our attention

again and again and again

to the reality

of sexual violence

that continues, right?

The Lieutenant Governor

of Virginia,

the latest,

two allegations

against him,

Justin Fairfax,

but just a litany, right?

One after another.

It feels like

almost every day.

And what this has done

is it has made us

profoundly aware

such that hopefully

we can't ever forget

that this is happening.

And so as Christians,

we not only need

to recognize that,

but we need to recognize

that many of these atrocities,

many of these sins

have been committed

not outside the church

but inside the church.

And so we as the church

and we specifically

as Christian men

in the church,

we need to repent.

We need to confess.

We need to beg God

for forgiveness.

The church should be,

if you're a woman,

especially if you're

a survivor of sexual abuse,

the church should be

the safest place there is.

Your pastor should be

the safest person there is.

Often that's not the case.

We need to just recognize that.

We need to repent of that.

We need to do all that we can

to get our house in order.

And we need to take that seriously.

And then beyond that,

as we look at the Me Too movement,

as crucial as that is,

I think that as Christians,

we should be on the leading edge

of this conversation

precisely because we can offer

so much more

than what Me Too can do.

See, if you don't believe

in the gospel,

if you don't believe

in a transcendent God

who died to offer forgiveness

to the world,

if you don't believe in grace,

then all you can do

when it comes to confronting

horrific sin like this,

all you can do

is name people

and shame them

and send many of them

into a kind of perpetual

social exile.

But shame doesn't change hearts.

And shame can't heal the world.

And the only real purpose

for shame in the world

is to drive people

to their knees

so that they'll cry out

for mercy.

And because we believe

in the gospel

and because we know

that we're all sinners

and we all are here

only because of the grace

of Jesus Christ,

we know that

the way to respond to sin,

even the most atrocious sin,

is not simply

to call people out

and to shame them

and to exile them,

to excommunicate them,

but rather to give them

an opportunity

for true repentance.

I'm not talking about

surface level, I'm sorry.

True repentance.

Admitting your sin,

crying out for mercy,

recognizing the harm

that you've caused.

And then guess what?

God forgives people

who come to Him.

And He calls us

to pray for forgiveness ourselves.

And there's even this case study

in 1 and 2 Corinthians.

There's a man

who is excommunicated

from the church.

You know,

we sort of bristle

at the idea

of the church

excommunicating anybody,

but in the culture

we do it all the time.

But in the church,

this man is excommunicated.

And then we see later,

time passes

and Paul writes

his second letter

to the Corinthians.

And there we hear

about this same man

and we realize

that this man

has been moved

to godly sorrow

over his sin.

He's repented.

Paul is concerned

that he be overwhelmed

by excessive sorrow

and he urges

the Corinthians

to welcome him back

and to restore him

to the community.

This is what will

heal the world.

Not dividing the world

into good guys

and bad guys.

Only the gospel

can bring healing.

So I think we have

so much more to offer.

And I think we should

take it seriously

and we should lead

the conversation.

Number two,

we need a healthy culture

of marriage

and dating

and singleness

where everybody,

regardless of their circumstances,

is equally supported

and equally included

in the life of the church.

So if you're here

and you're married,

you can't do it alone.

You need support.

You need people

in your life

to help you stay faithful,

to remind you

that you're here

to serve your spouse

even though we live

in a culture

that preaches

self-gratification.

To remind you

that your spouse

can never meet

all of your needs

that only God can.

To remind you

that the purpose

of your marriage

is to learn more

about His love.

You need support.

If you have young children,

you need people

alongside you

keeping you sane.

Right?

Keeping perspective.

Right?

If you're married,

you need support.

If you're dating,

you need the support

of a church.

You need people

who know who you're dating,

who know the ins

and outs

of your relationship.

You need people

to help you make

good decisions.

Godly,

healthy decisions.

Don't hide your relationship

from your friends.

Let people in.

Let them see

the good and the bad

and the ugly.

Let them have a say.

Because sometimes,

sometimes,

you need somebody

to tell you

that you need

to pursue that relationship.

Or you need

to initiate that relationship.

You need to ask

that person out.

And you need somebody

to just come

and give you

kind of a swift kick

and say,

do something.

Right?

We also sometimes

need people

to just step in

and say,

you need to end

that relationship today.

We need both.

You need support

if you're dating.

If you're single,

you need the support

of a church family.

You need people

to be in your life.

You need people

to be encouraging you

and praying for you.

Right?

All too often,

the church is more Roman

than Christian

when it comes

to single people.

You know,

the Romans said,

if you're married,

that's the ideal,

but everybody else

is kind of a second-class citizen.

All too often,

the church falls

into that same way

of thinking.

But the thing

that makes Christianity unique

is that singleness

is celebrated.

These are people

who can devote themselves

to ministry,

devote themselves

to the work of the gospel,

devote themselves

to the care of others,

in many ways,

living out this ideal

that Paul calls us

to consider.

But you need people,

you can't do it alone.

And married people

and single people

need each other.

So we need to be doing

what we can

to make sure

that there are

lots of different kinds

of people around

our dinner tables

every week.

And I know a lot of you

do this.

But we need to build

a healthy culture

of singleness,

dating, and marriage.

Number three,

lastly,

coming right out

of Ephesians 5.21,

as men and women,

we need to build

one another up.

We need to build

one another up.

You know,

men in this congregation,

you know,

we talk about

the reality

of toxic masculinity,

and as it turns out,

I've talked to

a handful of women

just this past week

and asked them about this,

and they've shared

very personal

and very chilling stories

of their experiences

with this

in work or school

or other places,

and so it's a very real thing.

So I'm not,

I'm not,

so for some men,

that's the challenge.

But I know other men

for whom their major challenge

is not toxicity,

it's passivity.

It's passivity.

And there are men

who are longing

to be neither.

They don't want to be toxic.

They don't want to be passive.

And I know that there are

actually many men

in this congregation

who are seriously pursuing

and longing to know

what it means

to be a godly man.

And they're trying

to resist those pulls

and they're trying

to resist the lies

and they're trying

to figure out

what does it mean

to follow Jesus as a man.

And so my word to you,

women in the church,

is do all that you can

to encourage that.

Encourage the men.

Encourage them

to be courageous.

Encourage them

to sacrifice

for their faith.

Encourage them

to take their faith seriously.

Encourage them

when you see fruit.

Encouragement

is so life-giving.

And likewise,

there are women

in our congregation

who I think struggle

under the tyrannical weight

of expectations.

You know,

and I hear this

from my wife

and the conversation

she has with a lot

of the women

she's close to,

the sense that

in our culture,

in order to be faithful

to what it means

to be a woman,

you have to be everything.

You know,

you have to be

an amazing wife

and you have to be

or wife material.

You know,

you have to be

an amazing parent

if you have kids

and there's a whole

school of kind of

righteousness

around being

a good parent

in our culture

and it's insane

and it's overwhelming.

But you have to be

all of that.

You know,

you have to have

a thriving career

that you're leaning

into always.

You have to be

socially aware

and savvy

and engaged

and activist.

You have to have

very intelligent

and thoughtful things

to say

about whatever

the crisis

or issue

du jour

happens to be.

You have to be

all of these things

and you do it

all while wearing

heels

and looking amazing

and it's a crushing

weight of expectation.

And so,

many of the women

that I talk to,

that my wife talks to,

struggle because they

constantly feel

like failures.

They constantly feel

a sense of guilt.

They constantly feel

that they're

letting people down.

And we need to

encourage the women

in our church.

We need to remind

one another

of the gospel.

That my worth

and my merit

and my value

is no longer found

in my ability

to meet the expectations

of the meritocracy

that we live in.

That Jesus Christ

is sufficient.

That we can set

these things down

if we need to.

That we can't be

all things.

It's not sustainable.

And you know,

for those of you

who are married

or aspiring

to be married

and you really

want to support,

as men,

you really want to

support your wife

in her work,

as a parent,

as somebody

who shares a home,

as somebody

who shares a life,

if you really

want to be supportive,

you have to be aware.

I've just become aware.

I've just become aware

recently,

reading some things

and having some

really honest conversations

with my wife

about the mental load

of being a wife

and a mom.

The mental load.

I think of myself

as a fairly

sort of

progressive,

egalitarian

sort of husband.

I have a wife

who works

and we co-parent

and I do

most of the cooking

and we share

a lot of the chores

in the house

and so if you ask me,

you know,

I feel like I do

a lot of stuff

and then I realize

I'm not even

scratching the surface

because there's

this whole world

of tiny little details

that my wife

is constantly

carrying around

in her mind.

Details like,

are there clean sheets

on the bed

when our guests

arrive next week?

Details like,

have we signed

the kids up?

It's the last day

to sign them up

for soccer

or, you know,

they're getting old enough

that we need to be

getting them piano lessons

or they need

their immunization papers

because school is starting

in a few weeks

or we need to make sure

that we, you know,

change the furnace filter

or we need to,

you know,

and it's just this,

you know,

we're out of paper towels

and that needs to go

on the grocery list

and what I realize

is that my wife

has this just enormous,

like infinitely complex

array of details

and responsibilities

that she's constantly carrying

in addition to parenting

and in addition to being my wife

and in addition to her job.

She has all of this mental weight,

this kind of emotional labor

that she's carrying around

and, you know,

I think about this idea

of headship, you know,

and what does it mean

to be a spiritual head

and I think of, you know,

people, you know,

men asking themselves,

am I called to be

the head of the family

and then I think,

well, you know,

if that's the case,

you know,

can I imagine being the head

of any other institution

or organization

and being that out of touch

with daily operations?

And it makes you think,

you know,

am I a head

or am I a figurehead?

One of the best ways

that we can support

the women in our lives,

especially if you're married,

especially if you have kids,

is to be aware

of that enormous mental load

that most likely

our wives are carrying

and to be willing

to share that load

or even maybe take it.

I don't even know

if that's possible.

I think about that

and I think,

well, God is able

to do far more abundantly

than we can ask or imagine.

But being aware of this

has made me confess

to my wife

and it's made me

and we're trying

to figure out ways

that we can take

some of that off of her

and I can share that.

I think it's a big part

of what it means

to support

and to build women up

in our lives.

And so all of these things,

all of what we're talking about,

this is how the gospel

transforms gender.

God ended the power struggle

with humans

through sacrificial love

and God calls us

to end the power struggle

between men and women

through sacrificial love.

And we do this

not just for our own benefit,

we do this because

when we live like this,

we are putting

the gospel on display,

making the love of God visible

for all the world to see.

Let's pray.

Let's pray.

Let's pray.

Let's pray.

Let's pray.

Let's pray.

Let's pray.