Forgiving the Unforgivable

So we're continuing our study of the Lord's Prayer this week, which is a prayer that Jesus taught His disciples, and then through them, we've received this prayer.

And the reason that Jesus teaches us this prayer is not just to teach us how to pray, although it's helpful for that.

It's really to teach us how to live.

It's to show us how to live in this world, and to have a relationship with the God who made this world, and to belong to Him as children belong to a Father.

And so that's what we've been looking at, and normally I like to take a couple of minutes at the beginning of a sermon and show the relevance for any particular passage and why people should care about understanding it.

But I don't really think I need to do that this week, because we come to the petition that I consider to be the most challenging one of all, which is the petition,

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And I don't know a single person who doesn't have some area of their life, some relationship, where forgiveness is necessary.

For some of us, it may be a parent.

For some of us, it may be somebody from our childhood, or a teacher, or a coach.

Maybe it's somebody from your job, like a boss, or a co-worker.

Maybe it's a friend, or a roommate, or a spouse.

Maybe it's a friend, or a spouse, or a spouse, or a spouse, or a spouse.

Whatever the case may be, I don't know a single person who doesn't have some area where forgiveness is needed.

And if we're really honest, I think most of us not only have areas where we need to extend forgiveness,

but we also have things about our lives that require forgiveness.

And so I think this is relevant for every single one of us.

And so to understand more about this petition and about forgiveness,

we're going to look at one of the central go-to passages on forgiveness, which is Matthew chapter 18,

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

and this encounter between Peter and Jesus, and the parable that Jesus tells.

And we're going to see two things about forgiveness.

We're going to see, first, why we need it.

Why we need it.

And then, second, we're going to see how to do it.

So let's pray, and then we'll open God's Word together.

Lord, we thank You for Your Word.

And we thank You for Your promise and Your ability to do Your work through Your Word.

And Lord, we all, when it comes to something like this, we all need You to do Your work in our hearts.

And so I pray that You would do that through Your Word.

And I pray that this would not only happen for our betterment, for our good,

but ultimately for Your glory.

And it's for Your glory, and in the name of Your Son, that we pray.

Amen.

So first of all, why do we need forgiveness?

Why does the world need forgiveness?

In verse 21 and 22 of this passage, Peter comes to Jesus with a question.

And this is in the middle of a place in Matthew where Jesus has been teaching about kingdom people,

about the new community of the kingdom of God and how it's turning the world upside down.

And so He's been teaching about what life looks like in this community

and how it's different from the surrounding world.

And He's been talking about forgiveness and restoration in the community.

And so Peter comes up to Jesus and he says,

Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him?

As many as seven times?

And what you need to understand is in the rabbinic tradition,

the traditional understanding was that you could forgive somebody up to three times,

and that was evidence of a generous heart.

But if you continued forgiving people, they might take advantage of you,

and it might be indicative of the fact that they weren't really sorry to begin with.

And so for Peter to say seven times is extravagant.

It's over the top.

So of course, Jesus' response surprises him.

Jesus says,

I do not say to you seven times, but 77 times.

Now, this translation that I'm using, the ESV, says 77.

Your translation at home may say 70 times 7,

and that's because the same Greek phrase can be translated either way.

So both are correct.

But the point is the same regardless of your translation.

Jesus is saying, on one level, the number doesn't matter.

Forgive as often as it takes.

Now that alone is worth noting.

But there's a lot more going on here behind Jesus' words.

The Greek phrase that we translate either 77 or 70 times 7

also shows up in the Greek version of the Old Testament in Genesis chapter 4.

Genesis 4 · chapter mention

Now, if you know anything about Genesis chapter 4,

Genesis 4 · chapter mention

this is the kind of origin story of human civilization.

This is where we began to see the trajectory,

the way things are going to play out

now that the relationship between God and human beings has been broken.

And we meet a man named Lamech,

who, by the way, is the first in Scripture to decide to take two wives instead of just one.

And that's a separate sermon, but it's worth noting.

And then Lamech says this to his wives.

He says,

You wives of Lamech, listen to what I say.

I've killed a man for wounding me,

a young man for striking me.

And it seems as though he's been in some kind of altercation,

and because of some either physical slap or insult,

he has responded by killing this man.

And then he goes on to say this.

This is kind of a vow that he makes.

If Cain's revenge is sevenfold,

then Lamech's is 77-fold.

The same phrase.

This is the beginning of the way of retribution.

This is the beginning of a cycle of retribution

that is going to spread and multiply and cover the face of the earth.

This is where retribution gets written into the DNA of the world.

And so this is the origin of tribalism and animosity and division and resentment and revenge.

This is the origin of eye for an eye justice.

This is where we begin to see the seeds of karma, karmic justice,

where they begin to root down into human society.

And so history is filled with cycles of retribution

that play out endlessly, generation after generation.

We see tribes killing other tribes.

We see cycles of revenge killings

that in some parts of the world have resulted in the near extinction of entire people groups.

We see nations warring against nations.

And even when wars end and peace treaties are signed,

often those peace treaties are based on the guilt of one offending party.

And so that accusation of guilt then plants seeds of resentment

that then lay the groundwork for future wars.

And this is much of our history.

But this can also happen not just at a national level,

but of course it can happen in our interpersonal relationships.

It can happen between friends and in marriages and in families

and between roommates, between siblings.

People can have experiences of being insulted or feeling slighted

or feeling disregarded or feeling hurt,

and then those turn into grudges,

and then we nurse those grudges,

and then those grudges are transformed into seething cauldrons of resentment.

There are many marriages out there that seem peaceful,

but that peace is more like a ceasefire.

It's a thin veneer of peace,

a kind of thin crust that is sitting on top of a deep pool of magma,

just waiting to erupt.

You know, in the HBO show Big Little Lies,

one of the main characters is Madeline.

And one of my favorite quotes from her is she says,

I love my grudges.

I tend to them like little pets.

And you know, I think it's funny partly because of her character,

but also partly because many of us are like that.

We sort of love to nurse our grudges and tend to them.

There's something that feels kind of good and satisfying about that.

But what this means is that these grudges,

this sort of sin, this guilt, this blame, this revenge,

it compounds upon itself.

It builds one generation to the next.

And so this little snowball

that begins with Adam and Eve and Cain and Abel and Lamech,

this little snowball turns into an avalanche.

And this great avalanche of retribution and guilt

is now crashing down through history,

doing damage to everything it touches.

And this avalanche and this cycle of retribution

and the guilt and the brokenness,

this means that our society is deeply divided.

There are deep cracks and fissures in our society.

One of the prime examples of this for our society

is the example of race.

Just this week, new footage of Ahmaud Arbery's murder

was released.

And what we see is that there was a struggle

that ensued after two white men

identified Arbery running down the street.

He was out for a jog.

And they identified him

and thought he looked like a burglary suspect.

And so they get in their truck,

they chase him down.

And then in the struggle that ensues,

because those two white men are armed,

Ahmaud Arbery is shot and killed

and dies on the street.

And then we see a report that came out

about DC and coronavirus this week,

where we learned that even though 47%

of people who test positive are black,

that 80% of the people who are dying

from COVID-19 are black.

Now, these realities are exposing

painful realities about our society.

The vast difference between being white

and being black in our country.

Truths like this emerge,

and we can't ignore that there's a massive difference

between being white in America and being black.

It's like we have two countries.

And there's this chasm that exists in our society,

these two alternate realities almost.

And that chasm exists because of centuries

of systemic injustice and racism

and poverty and ignorance.

It's even been written into our policies.

But because of this,

the resentment and the anger that this causes

is justified.

The desire for retribution is justified

because these are real realities.

The injustice is real.

And yet, all of this only serves

to deepen the divide.

The cracks are getting wider and deeper.

So there's this massive avalanche

of retribution and guilt

that is crashing down through history.

And listen to this.

Like any avalanche,

like any avalanche,

it has become such a tangled mass of destruction

that it's almost impossible

to clearly separate victim from perpetrator.

Right?

In an avalanche,

trees that were uprooted,

that were torn out further upslope,

are transformed into weapons of destruction

further down the slope.

And you see the same thing happening

with people in history.

History shows us that today's victims

can become tomorrow's perpetrators.

Shows us that today's liberators

can become tomorrow's tyrants.

And so we are all implicated.

No one is free from this.

No one has the luxury

of stepping outside of it

and analyzing it

from a position of moral neutrality.

And this avalanche of retribution

will not stop

until it destroys everything

and everyone.

All from these words

that we hear Lamech utter

so long ago.

All from the sin

that entered the world

when our relationship with God

was broken.

Our only hope

is to interrupt the cycle.

Right?

Our only hope

is to stop the avalanche

and if we can,

to reverse it.

So here's the point of all this.

When Jesus says to Peter,

I do not say to you seven times,

but 77 times,

he is deliberately reversing

Lamech's words.

He is deliberately reversing

the way of retribution.

The way of retribution says

vengeance.

Vengeance seven times over.

Vengeance 77 times over.

Vengeance 70 times seven times over.

As much as it takes

until the world is destroyed.

But Jesus is saying

there's another way.

This is the place

where he's teaching

about the kingdom of God.

And the kingdom of God

is turning the world upside down.

It is undoing

and reversing

the wrong

that has entered the world.

It's a reversal

of what it means to be human.

It's turning everything

on its head.

And Jesus says

there's another way.

There's a way to interrupt

the cycle of retribution

and revenge

and guilt.

It's the way of forgiveness.

Right?

Forgive.

Forgive seven times.

Forgive 77 times.

Forgive 70 times seven times.

Forgive as much as it takes

until the world

is made whole.

So why

is forgiveness

important?

And why do we need it?

It's because forgiveness

is the way that God

is making this world

whole again.

Forgiveness sits

at the very heart

of God's plan

to renew this world

and us.

So that's why we need it.

But how do we do it?

How do we do it?

In Matthew 18

when Peter asks

this question of Jesus

about forgiveness

Jesus responds

by telling him a parable.

And in the parable

a king is settling

his accounts

and a man is brought

to him who owes him

10,000 talents.

And you need to understand

that this is an astronomical

ridiculous

ludicrous sum.

It's like saying

that he owes

hundreds of billions

of dollars.

It's unimaginable sum.

And the man can't pay.

And so the king

is going to respond

with retribution.

He's going to sell

this man and his family

into slavery

which was commonly

a way to punish debtors.

It was an act of retribution.

And this man begs for mercy.

And he promises

to pay the debt back

but it's such a large sum

that that's impossible.

But the king

has compassion on this man

and he shows him pity.

And of all things

this king

cancels the debt

which means the king

has to absorb

the cost himself.

He has to absorb

the cost of hundreds

of billions of dollars

but he cancels

the debt entirely

and he releases this man

and lets him go free.

But then this man

goes out

the same servant

and he immediately

runs into a man

who owes him money.

And this man owes him

a much smaller amount.

It's a paltry sum.

It's worth about

three or four thousand dollars.

But the servant

chokes this man

and he demands payment.

And this man

says the same thing.

He begs for mercy.

Promises to pay it back.

But the servant

refuses to show mercy

and he throws him in prison.

And then the king

hears of this.

He calls the servant back

and then he throws

the servant in jail

until he can pay

the debt in full.

So this shows us

a number of things

about forgiveness.

And first of all

it simply shows us

what forgiveness is.

What it looks like.

And in short

I would say this.

Forgiveness means

giving up

the right to retribution.

Forgiveness means

giving up

the right to retribution.

Even if it's justified.

So it means

maybe

giving up your right

to expect repayment

of a debt.

Could be financial repayment

like this parable

or in much

more commonly

I think this could

refer to

emotional repayment

in the form of revenge.

But forgiveness means

giving up that right

even if we're justified.

The Greek word

literally means

to let someone go

which is exactly

what the king does

to this servant.

And in order

to forgive somebody

that requires

sort of three parts.

There are three parts

to forgiveness

at least.

And we see these

play out in this parable.

The first thing

that you have to do is

if you're going to

forgive somebody

you have to

name the debt.

You have to

honestly and thoroughly

name the debt.

Now this could be

a monetary amount

like in the parable

10,000 talents.

But much more often

this means

naming the hurt

or naming the wrong.

You have to name it.

It has to be stated

and acknowledged.

And this also means

that we have to be able

to honestly voice

our emotions

and the pain

that has been caused.

So forgiving somebody

does not mean

minimizing the wrong.

It doesn't mean

downplaying it.

It doesn't mean

being conflict avoided

and saying

oh it's no big deal

it doesn't matter.

If you do that

you're laying

the groundwork

for resentment

down the road.

nor does forgiveness

mean that we

condone injustice

or overlook

the need

for justice.

We can forgive

somebody in our heart

but justice

may still need

to be done.

Justice may still

need to be carried out

especially if somebody

has committed a crime.

We can forgive

and still long

for justice.

And when it comes

to an issue like

race in our country

yes we need forgiveness

but we also need justice

and we should fight

for justice.

And the two can coexist.

Forgiveness and justice

can coexist.

But the first part

of forgiveness

is simply naming

honestly the wrong

or the debt

that's been incurred.

The second thing

we need to do

is we need to decide

we need to choose

to cancel the debt.

To cancel the debt.

Which means

we choose

to absorb

the loss

ourselves.

What this means

is you decide

in your heart

from now on

I am giving up

my right

to demand repayment.

I'm giving up

my desire

to seek revenge.

I'm giving up

my desire

to see harm

done to this person.

I'm giving up

any tendency

I have

to wish ill

of this person

which means

when those temptations

arise

you don't give in to them.

You're giving

all of that up.

I release this person

from their debt.

I set this person

free in my heart.

Now this doesn't mean

automatically

that you reconcile

with that person.

Forgiveness is something

that you can do

on your own.

Reconciliation is a

two-way street.

Reconciliation requires

both people

working to rebuild

trust in a relationship

and that can take

a long time

and sometimes

it's not possible.

Nor does this mean

allowing someone

to continue hurting you.

If you're in a situation

where abuse is happening

or you're being

repeatedly harmed

and somebody is

repeatedly sinning

against you

it is possible

for you to forgive

that person

but also set

whatever boundaries

you need to set

in place

to make sure

that person

can't keep hurting you.

But what matters

is that you

cancel the debt

in your heart.

And then the last thing

the last thing

that you once

you've made

that choice

is you commit

to forgiveness

for as long

as it takes.

You commit

to forgiveness

for as long

as it takes.

Seventy times

seven or more

if that's what

it takes.

because if you've

ever forgiven

anyone

for really

causing you harm

then you know

that it's not

a one time choice.

It's a choice

that you have to make

again and again

and again

because that hurt

and that pain

and that resentment

will resurface

again and again

and again

and what this means

is that you choose

every single time

to cancel the debt.

You commit to it

as a posture.

I have pain

in my life.

I have ways

that I've been wronged

and I know

I know that pain

is going to be there

for the rest of my life

and so what this means

for me is that

sometimes every single day

I have to wake up

and I have to choose

to forgive

once more.

Committing yourself

to forgiveness

means making that choice

even when you don't want to

and for this reason

forgiveness may be

one of the hardest things

you ever have to do

in your life.

For many of us

it is.

Which of course

begs the question

why do it at all?

Why do it at all?

You know

much has been said

mainly by Christians

about all of the

psychological benefits

of forgiveness

and all of the

spiritual benefits

of forgiveness

and how it sets us free

and you know

some of that's true

but in my experience

forgiveness is

often extremely painful

and I don't often

feel free

when I'm doing

the hard work

of forgiveness.

It's interesting to note

that while some of that

is true

while there are many

benefits to forgiveness

it's interesting to note

that Jesus doesn't

say any of that

in Matthew chapter 18

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

nor does he mention

any of the benefits

of forgiveness

in the Lord's Prayer.

According to Jesus

the reason that Christians

forgive is simply this

we have been forgiven.

we've been forgiven.

That's the reason.

All of that avalanche

of retribution

and blame

and pain

crashing down

through history

it all started

as this tremor

when our ancestors

turned their backs

on God

but it has compounded

over the millennia

down to us

and we were born

into it.

We were born

into the guilt.

We were born

into the brokenness.

We were born

into the chaos.

And the great moral debt

of that rebellion

and all of the damage

that this avalanche

has done

that sits on our shoulders

and by comparison

10,000 talents

is a paltry sum

and all of that

sits on our shoulders

and it crushes us

and the thing

that we need to understand

is God has every right

to demand retribution.

God has every right

to demand retribution

and yet the core truth

of Scripture

running from Genesis

to Revelation

is that God

chooses to forgive.

He chooses to forgive

which means

as we said before

that God chooses

to absorb that debt

into Himself

and that's exactly

what we see on the cross.

On the cross of Christ

we see that entire avalanche

of human sin

and retribution

and guilt

and blame.

it all comes crashing down

on Jesus

and Jesus takes

all of that

on Himself

and so the ultimate

consequences

of human evil

and rebellion

and sin

the ultimate consequences

fall on Him

instead of us.

He takes our place.

Many religions

many philosophies

extol the value

of forgiveness

and talk about

the importance

of forgiveness

in our society.

Only Christianity

says that God

was willing to bear

the cost of forgiveness

in order to set

humanity free.

Only Christianity

says that.

Which means

God stands ready

here and now

to extend that forgiveness

to anyone who asks.

No matter what you've done

no matter where you've come from

no matter what you've done

even today

God stands ready

to extend that forgiveness

because He's absorbed the debt.

It's been paid in full.

And those who come to Him

and those who are set free

from that debt

they are given

a new life.

They're given

a new way

of being human

in the world.

They become free

women and men

and they have

an entirely new

range of possibilities

in front of them.

Which means

they are free

to break

the cycle

of retribution.

They can choose

to forgive

instead

because they've been forgiven.

And that's really

the point of this parable.

The point of this parable

is not

that God's forgiveness

is conditional

on our forgiveness

of other people.

That would run against

the entire witness

of Scripture.

The point of this parable

is that God's forgiveness

is what makes possible

our forgiveness

of other people

in our lives.

It's what makes it possible.

The scholar N.T. Wright

puts it like this.

He says,

you know,

forgiveness is a lot

like the air

in your lungs.

There's only room

for you to inhale

the next lungful

when you've just

breathed out

the previous one.

And he says,

so if you hold it in,

if you hold the forgiveness in

and you refuse

to exhale it

into the life

of someone who needs it,

you won't be able

to take any more

in yourself.

And if you do that,

if you hold it in,

then you will

very quickly suffocate.

And so he says,

no sooner do we

take God's forgiveness

into ourselves,

then we exhale it,

we breathe it out

into the life

of someone else

who needs it.

And you know,

that's honestly

been my experience.

Every day,

making that painful

choice to forgive,

breathing in

God's forgiveness

of me

and then breathing

it out

into someone's life

who needs it from me.

Breathing in

God's forgiveness

and breathing it out

into the world.

And as we do that,

we are breathing

life into the world.

We're breathing

hope into the world.

We're breathing

love into the world.

We're breathing

renewal into the world

one act of forgiveness

at a time.

Now there's one

final piece of this

that I want to emphasize.

That if you want

to be a kingdom person,

if you want to be

a part of making

the world whole again,

if you want to be

a part of breathing

life into the society

around you,

one act of forgiveness

at a time,

if you want to break

this cycle of retribution,

this is not something

that you can do alone.

It's not something

that you can do alone.

When you see

these extraordinary

acts of forgiveness,

I'm thinking of

the Amish

at Nickel Mines

after a shooter

entered a schoolhouse

and killed

five young girls

before killing himself.

I'm thinking of

the people

of the Charleston

AME Church

that also experienced

a violent shooting

and the deaths

of many of their loved ones.

I'm thinking about

times like this

when a horrible tragedy occurs,

when a random act

of violence occurs,

and then the community

responds

with an almost

inexplicable

act of forgiveness.

In both cases,

the community

forgave the shooter,

forgave the families

of the shooter,

and in some cases

surrounded the families

of the shooter.

At the funeral

for the shooter

for the Amish

at Nickel Mines,

over half of the people

who were present

at his funeral

were from the Amish community.

And that response

is breathtaking

and beautiful

and amazing.

And when interviewers

ask these people,

interviewers go in

and say,

how could you forgive?

How is something

like this possible?

And in both cases,

the people interviewed

talked about

Matthew chapter 18.

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

And they talked

about the Lord's Prayer,

which is something

that they had prayed

so often

that it had simply

become a part of them.

It was hardwired

into their DNA.

But the other point

I want to make

is this.

In both cases,

these are people

who were rooted

and formed

in a culture

of forgiveness.

A culture

of forgiveness.

They were in communities,

communities

of forgiveness.

You know,

three sociologists

actually wrote a book

about the Amish

at Nickel Mines

called

Amish Grace.

And, you know,

I heard Tim Keller

make this point

in a talk he made

gave to the House of Lords.

But they wrote this book

about the Amish

act of forgiveness

in Nickel Mines.

And they basically

say in that book

that this act

of forgiveness

was not the product

of American culture.

See, a lot of media

at the time,

a lot of people

were saying,

this is America

at our best.

This is just shows

what America can do.

We forgive the killer.

But they make the point

this is not

an outgrowth

of American culture.

He says,

this is the product

of a subculture

that is deeply rooted

in the truth

that God suffered

and died

in order to forgive

His people.

And the humility

and the self-denial

and the gentleness

and the kindness

and the love

that comes out

of that reality,

that that is what

produced this extraordinary

act of forgiveness.

You know,

the American culture

of consumerism

and expressive individualism,

that doesn't produce

people who forgive.

That doesn't form

people for that.

What it forms

is people who are

full of outrage

and moral indignation

and accusation.

So if you want

to become part

of this movement

of grace,

if you want

to be a kingdom person

and end the cycle

of retribution

and make the world whole,

it starts

with your prayer life.

It starts

with praying

the Lord's Prayer

and prayers like it

and praying it so much,

praying it so often

that it replaces

that DNA of retribution,

that it begins

to rewrite your DNA

so that forgiveness

becomes more

and more

and more

a gut instinct.

And then even

more than that,

it means finding

a church community

that is committed

to forgiveness

and reconciliation

and then diving

into that community

and becoming

such a part of it,

so deeply intertwined

in that community

that it forms you.

It forms your heart,

it forms your mind,

it forms your imagination,

and it forms your sense

of what's possible.

Let's pray.

Lord, we thank you again

and we know

that forgiveness

is not something

that can be sourced

in us,

that the point

of this is very clear,

that forgiveness

is something

that we need

to receive from you

before we can

extend it to others.

And so I pray

for all of us here

listening who need forgiveness,

I pray that right now

they would turn

their hearts to you

and ask for that forgiveness

and that you would

grant it, Lord,

because we know

that you're a God

whose eternal nature

is always to have mercy.

And then, Lord,

we pray for those

difficult relationships,

those pain points,

those areas of struggle

where we need to forgive.

I pray that you would

give us your divine strength

to do just that,

even if it means

breathing it in and out

one breath at a time

and one act of forgiveness

at a time.

And we pray this

not only for our good,

not only that our world

might become whole one day,

but we pray it

for your glory, Lord,

because you're the source

and the center of all.

Amen.

Jesus, what a friend for sinners,

Jesus, love of my soul,

friends may...