We Need Each Other

In the absence of shared social spaces like offices or coffee shops or gyms or churches,

many of our casual acquaintances have dropped off altogether.

Many of those casual interactions with people, we may know their name, we see them because

they know our order at the coffee shop, those relationships faded away.

I think some people, if we're honest, have celebrated the complete lack of social obligations.

I would put myself in that category.

I'm an introvert.

And so as much as I'm a very social person, I love when we have nothing on the calendar.

It feels very freeing and I think some people are feeling anxiety about the calendar starting

to fill back up.

I think other people, though, have struggled with tremendous loneliness.

And even close friends, even close family members have been driven apart by the amount of cultural

and political division and tension that exists in our society.

I've experienced that in my own family.

I have family members who don't speak to each other because of political differences.

And so now, as we are sort of looking forward, imagining that at some point we might be somewhat

post-pandemic, a lot of people are asking, you know, when we eventually come out of all

of this, what should my social priorities be?

It feels like for some people, this is a bit of an opportunity to reset your social life.

Do I want to go back to the way things were before?

Or do I want to make changes, capitalizing on what has happened over the last year?

There was actually an article, an essay in the New York Times written by Kate Murphy back

in June where Murphy offers tips for how to optimize your friendscape.

I've never heard that term before, a friendscape.

But apparently if you can have a landscape and a tablescape, you can also have a friendscape.

And so she says, here's how you can optimize your friendscape post-pandemic, optimize meaning

you get the most fulfillment out of the relationships that you're investing in.

So, you know, this raises a question for us as Christians, how should we be thinking about

our friendscape?

How should we be thinking about our social priorities?

And is there any difference in how Christians think about this?

And so this morning we're going to see what the Apostle Paul might have to say about

these questions.

We're going to be looking at Acts chapter 20, verse 36, through chapter 21, verse 26.

Acts 20:36

We read a section of that, Jeff did earlier, but we're going to be looking at that whole

section.

And we're going to be looking at Paul's journey from Miletus to Jerusalem.

And this kind of looks like a travel log.

It looks like there's not much happening here, but in fact, we get a glimpse into a day in

the life of Paul, and specifically the kinds of relationships that Paul prioritized.

He was always evangelizing, always among non-Christians.

But we see two kinds of Christian relationships that Paul prioritized.

He prioritized Christian fellowship, and he prioritized Christian friendship.

And we're going to look at those two kinds of relationships and ask what this means for

us.

Let's pray.

Lord, we thank you that we're here at your invitation.

We thank you for the prayer we prayed a little while ago, that your grace always precedes us.

It's because of your grace that we're here.

It's because of your grace that you speak to us through your word.

It's because of your grace that you know what we each need to hear right now.

And so, Lord, I pray that your spirit would do your work through your word in us, that

we might be people who glorify you, Lord, in our relationships.

We pray this in your son's name.

Amen.

Amen.

So, first of all, we see in Paul's life this priority put on Christian fellowship.

The thing you need to understand about Paul is that from the moment of Paul's conversion,

he is on the road.

He is traveling.

And some estimates say that Paul traveled as many as 10,000 miles on his various missionary

journeys.

And a lot of that was on foot.

So, Paul traveled thousands of miles, and whenever Paul arrived in a new place, not only

was he there to evangelize, but one of the first things he would almost always do would

be to find the local church.

He would arrive and he would say, where are the Christians?

Where's the church?

Where are the disciples?

And he would seek them out.

And we see that here again and again and again.

Back in chapter 18, Jeff preached on that a few weeks ago.

So, Paul arrives in Corinth.

The first thing he does is to seek out Priscilla and Aquila.

In chapter 21, he has a seven-day layover in Tyre.

And verse 4 says, the first thing he does is to seek out the disciples in Tyre.

That means the church.

Now, what you have to understand is, you say, well, of course.

I mean, Paul was planting churches.

He wanted to check and see how they were doing.

Paul never planted this church.

He didn't plant the church in Tyre.

He didn't know these people.

He had never met them.

And yet he prioritizes finding them.

Not just to say hello, but to worship with them and spend time with them.

They form such a bond over the course of a week that when it's time for Paul to leave,

everybody from the church, just imagine this.

He's been there a week.

Everybody from the church, men, women, children, they all come with Paul out to the beach.

They all kneel together in the sand and they all pray for his departure.

I mean, that's a beautiful send-off.

Then they arrive in Ptolemy and they find the church there and they spend the night with those believers.

And then they go to Caesarea and they stay with Philip the evangelist and his daughters who have the gift of prophecy.

And they stay there for a number of days.

And then the people from the church in Caesarea personally escort Paul and his party to Jerusalem.

So all along the way, wherever Paul goes, he finds the church.

It was funny.

I was talking to the Beelmans who were back with us.

Dan and his family are back.

We're very excited about this.

Yes?

So if you see a sketchy guy walking around who looks like Dan Beelman but not in a collar, it's because they're back.

He's officially back starting next week.

But we're happy to have him.

But he was telling me a little bit about their travels over the course of their sabbaticals.

I'm sure they'll tell you.

And one of the things they did was wherever they went, they tried to find the local church.

And so they have all these great stories of worshiping in and meeting people in all of these Anglican churches all around the Anglican communion.

And this is what Paul did.

And what you see in Paul's life is because he is open and desirous of fellowship,

because Paul's the kind of guy who would come into a place like Tyre and say,

I've never met those people.

I have no idea what they're like, but I know they're followers of Jesus, and I want to worship with them.

Because he's that kind of person, he had to be able to get along with all different kinds of Christians.

And there were and are lots of different kinds of Christians who fall along different cultural lines.

And you see a prime example of this in chapter 21, verse 17.

Paul arrives in Jerusalem, and the church in Jerusalem is filled with thousands of converts from Judaism to Christianity.

And because they converted from Judaism to Christianity, they are zealous for the traditions of their fathers.

They had grown up with the ceremonial purification rites.

They had grown up with the Mosaic law.

It wasn't just a way of pleasing God.

It was an entire way of life.

It was the only culture they knew.

Paul gets into Jerusalem, tells them about his travels among the Gentiles,

and you can imagine what they say to one another.

Like, great Paul, that sounds amazing.

Lots of Gentile conversions.

But then behind closed doors, they're like, but that means he's unclean.

Because he's been among the Gentiles.

And so the elders pull Paul aside and they say, listen, we know your message.

We know what you've been preaching.

We know that what you're saying about the Mosaic law is that it is no longer a way to be saved.

That it never was.

And that the only way to be saved, the only way to truly be cleansed,

is through faith in the blood of Jesus Christ.

We know this.

We believe this.

What you have to understand is that there's a lot of misconception in this church about you.

A lot of people see you as an enemy of Jewish culture.

They think that you're trying to subvert our entire way of life.

And a lot of these people don't trust you.

And so what they say is, what would be really great, Paul,

is if you were to go through the purification rites, the seven-day cleansing period,

because you've been among the Gentiles,

and if you were to pay off the debt owed by these four,

pay the offering for these four men who are under a vow,

come to their absolution ceremony,

show people that you're not totally against our way of life,

and they're probably going to be much more willing to trust you.

Now, Paul knows that this purification rite means nothing.

He knows that Jesus is the only one who can purify you,

and yet he does it.

He does it anyway.

It probably really goes against a lot of Paul's convictions,

but he's willing to do it.

And you ask, well, why?

Is this a moment of hypocrisy in Paul's life?

And you say, no.

One of the commentators, the G. Fernando, says,

I believe this shows us how seriously Paul viewed the unity of the church

and how he was willing to do everything possible to be one

with those who were different in perspective from himself.

Listen to this point.

Paul was so committed to Christian fellowship

that he's willing to flex to accommodate all of these Jewish converts.

Now, I want to be clear on this.

There are some things that Paul would never flex on.

Issues that were core to the gospel, core to Jesus, core to salvation.

Paul will contend for those things until he dies.

But what we're dealing with here is a cultural difference.

This would be like coming into a church

of living and worshiping as a Christian

so that I can get along with the people in this room.

That's what Paul is doing.

And so this is a kind of cultural difference.

This would also apply to political differences.

Paul would prioritize unity over being right.

And that's a very important thing to see.

So the summary of this first point is this.

I guarantee you Paul was as busy as anybody in this room.

And Paul probably traveled more than most of us in this room.

And yet Paul did whatever he could to stay connected to other believers

because he prioritized Christian fellowship.

So before we move on, I just want to ask,

what does this mean for a church like ours in the age of COVID

when a lot of churches like ours decided back in March of 2020

to take our service and a lot of our programming online?

I stand by that decision.

I believe that it was the right thing to do.

It was the way to love our neighbors and to slow the spread of COVID.

And that's why we did it.

And I think on the one hand,

if I recognize there are people right now who are live streaming this service,

we have to recognize and praise God for the benefits

and the blessings that have come with this technology.

This has allowed people to connect with us.

Not only people who can't come to worship with us,

but people from all around the world.

This has allowed people to connect with us

who were not a part of any church.

This has allowed people to connect with us

who never otherwise would have found our church.

And some of those people are sitting in the room right now.

They're here because they found us online.

And praise God for that.

This continues to allow people to join with us virtually

because there are legitimate reasons

why people can't or should not come right now,

especially with concerns over the Delta variant,

people feeling that for all kinds of various legitimate reasons,

they're not ready to expose themselves or their children

to the possibility of infection.

So it's a blessing that those people can continue to worship with us.

But on the other hand,

how is this altering our view of church moving forward long-term?

What's the long-term impact of this?

My sense is that for many of us,

the fact that we've gone so long without worshiping in person

means that the whole idea of having to get up,

get yourself ready,

maybe get your kids ready,

maybe get your spouse ready

so that you can come to church together in person,

that that is moving way down on the priority list of a lot of people.

We went so long without it,

why do we need it?

And you think about all of the things vying for that place of priority on a Sunday morning.

You know,

working remotely means that you can travel and stay gone on vacation a lot longer

and work from anywhere,

so no need to be in D.C.

Life is extremely busy.

Things are picking back up.

It's only going to get busier.

Then you have kids' sports.

A lot of our sports commitments happen on Sunday mornings.

Then you have the allure of things like Sunday brunch

that we would love to be able to do

or just the pure joy of sleeping in.

Now, I'm not here to accuse anyone.

I love a good Sunday brunch.

I want you to consider, though,

and be honest with yourself,

what are my priorities?

What takes that place of primacy?

So that's the first thing we need to be thinking.

The second question is,

is it, you know,

how does this impact the way we think about

being Christians in an age of political and cultural division?

When you look at Paul, how he lived,

how might we live?

Right?

Advent is blessed to be a culturally and politically diverse church.

If you're newer, you may not know that.

But there are so many different political,

cultural, religious backgrounds represented in this room right now.

It's amazing.

It's one of the great charisms,

the great blessings that we have.

We have Biden supporters.

We have Trump supporters.

And we have everything in between.

We have people who disagree on almost every major issue you can think of.

And that's a huge blessing.

This month, we're launching two new initiatives at Church of the Advent.

One is a ministry to refugees.

And that ministry means that we're going to primarily be partnering with an organization

that's at work, doing work here in D.C.

that probably falls to the left of where most people are at Church of the Advent.

The other initiative that we're launching is an outdoor ministry for men and boys called

Trail Life.

And that organization is culturally and politically on the right,

probably further to the right than most people in this room.

And we're doing both.

And I can guarantee you, because it's already started to happen,

it's going to upset some people on both sides.

And they're going to say,

why is our church partnering with them?

Or partnering with them?

What does that say about our church and where we're headed?

What I would say is that it provokes us to ask this question.

Is it worth it for us to come together and to overcome our differences in order to have fellowship?

Or is it better to simply stay home and spend time with people who only think like we do?

And that's what you can do when you can live stream church from anywhere.

In that article I mentioned at the beginning of the sermon,

on Friendscapes from Kate Murphy,

she actually warns readers,

and this is a quote from her article,

that she says,

we need to be mindful of spending too much time with friends who struggle with weight,

depression,

or substance abuse.

Be mindful of how much time you spend

with people who struggle with those things.

Because she says that we should prioritize people

who make us feel better about the world

and about ourselves.

And if you're spending time with somebody who's struggling,

you're not going to feel very good.

That's not the best way to optimize your friendscape.

But it reflects this kind of modern conception of relationships that we have in our culture.

My question when I look at this person, Jeff,

does he meet my needs?

Is Jeff fulfilling to me?

Yes, you are.

Is he fulfilling to me?

Does he fit in with my life plan?

Is he going to help optimize my social friendscape?

You know, or not?

Is he going to drag me down?

The thing that we need to understand by looking at Paul and other places in Scripture is,

Christians don't ask,

what can you do for me?

Christians ask,

what might God do in us both?

Just by us being in connection with one another.

You know, we believe that when we gather like this,

that God is active and present in a unique way

when his people come together,

wherever two or three are gathered.

And there are all kinds of ways that the Holy Spirit works in us

when we come together in person.

You know, maybe you are angry at somebody in this room right now,

and you are bitter toward them,

and you can't stand the sight of them,

and then guess what happens?

Perhaps you're coming up in line to receive communion,

and that person is standing right in front of you.

And you're standing there looking at the back of their head,

and you're thinking,

how in the world could this happen?

The Holy Spirit wants to convict you and soften your heart.

Do not think that that is a random occurrence.

Maybe you're feeling overwhelmed by all that's happening in the world.

You look at Afghanistan,

you look at just kind of the mess everywhere,

and you feel completely overwhelmed.

And then we stand together,

and all of a sudden we're singing a song about the victory of Jesus,

and how one day Jesus is going to come back

and bring justice and mercy and put the world right again,

and everything is going to be restored.

And as you're struggling to sing it,

you hear the voices of your brothers and sisters all around you,

and they're singing it with conviction,

and all of a sudden, guess what's happening?

The Holy Spirit is using their faith to strengthen your faith.

Right?

Maybe you act like everything is great in your life,

and you have this projection of positivity,

but it's starting to crumble.

And then you have a random conversation with somebody,

you haven't talked to them in six months,

out on the patio out there,

and they kind of pull you aside,

and they look at you,

and they say,

how are you really doing?

And you weren't planning on talking about it.

Not even with your therapist.

Not even with your spiritual director.

And all of a sudden,

it just starts coming out.

The Holy Spirit is using that person

to bring things into the light.

Places that you need healing.

Maybe you find yourself in conversation

with somebody you completely disagree with politically.

I can't believe you voted for that person.

I hate people like you.

Right?

And then you end up really connecting.

And some of the things they say make sense.

And the Spirit starts to kind of nudge you

and convict you of your pride

and your closed-mindedness

and your tendency to judge people

who are different from you.

Right?

So we like to think that God works

in these kind of mountaintop experiences

and God works when we go here or do that.

God is working right now.

God works through those chance,

random, small talk encounters.

That is the Christian life.

And so Christian fellowship means

making yourself available

to God and what God might do

through other people in your life.

Christian fellowship is essential

to what it means to be a Christian.

And here's the thing.

You can stream sermons.

You can stream music.

But you cannot stream Christian fellowship.

And there is nothing that God can do in your heart

hiking the Camino de Santiago

or spending a year at Labrie

that he cannot do on an average Sunday morning

in a local church.

So I'm glad you're here.

I'm glad you're here.

So that's the first point.

Paul prioritizes Christian fellowship.

The second point is shorter,

but every bit is important.

In addition to Christian fellowship,

which is a sort of general openness

and desire to be around

and can connect with lots of different Christians,

we also see that Paul prioritizes Christian friendship.

And if fellowship is open and inclusive,

friendship is far more exclusive by design.

I mean, every now and then you meet somebody in your life

who starts to become a true friend.

And so friendship is more exclusive.

You may only have a handful

of really close Christian friends.

And what the Bible would show us is that we need both.

You need fellowship and you need friendship.

Right?

You need traveling companions.

In addition to all of the churches that Paul visited,

Paul's close friends and companions

were always with him.

He almost always had traveling companions

with him on the road.

And throughout Acts 21,

Paul has something like eight other men

who are traveling with him

on his journey to Jerusalem.

And we know that one of those people

is the apostle Luke.

And you say, well, how do we know that Luke

is with Paul on this journey?

And that's because at some point,

when they reach Troas,

from that point on,

all of a sudden it becomes,

we, we did this, we did that.

And what most likely happened is

Luke was in Troas.

And as Paul passes through,

Luke joins him and continues on with him.

So in that point in the story,

it becomes first person plural, we.

And so these men are traveling with Paul.

And so we ask, well, what are the qualities

that you look for in a true Christian friend?

And here we see two.

The first quality that you look for

in a true Christian friend is this,

that they're the kind of person

who seeks God's greatest good in your life.

They seek God's greatest good in your life.

We know from Acts chapter 20, verse 22,

Acts 20:22

that Paul felt constrained by the Holy Spirit

to go to Jerusalem.

That's where God was calling him to go.

But all along the way,

the Holy Spirit has been telling Paul's friends

that when he gets to Jerusalem,

bad things are going to happen.

You're going to be tied up.

You're going to be handed over.

You're going to be imprisoned.

You may even die.

He's hearing all of these horrible things.

The Spirit is telling all of his friends

this is going to happen.

And so everybody is begging Paul not to go.

Please don't go to Jerusalem.

They're weeping.

They're imploring him.

And Luke confesses,

even, you know, I was begging him.

None of us wanted Paul to go

because we knew bad things were going to happen.

Paul says in verse 13,

what are you doing?

Weeping and breaking my heart.

For I'm ready not only to be in prison,

but even to die in Jerusalem

for the name of the Lord Jesus.

And the way his friends respond

is really what defines them

as being true Christian friends.

Verse 14,

since he would not be persuaded,

we ceased and said,

let the will of the Lord be done.

And what commentators say is,

do not make the mistake of thinking

that this is just a tired resignation.

They give up.

Okay, whatever, Paul.

This is an earnest prayer.

They're saying what we really want for you.

Emotionally, what we want

is that you would live forever.

But even more than that,

what we really want for you

is that the will of the Lord

would be done in your life,

even if it means that you're going to suffer.

Even it means that we might suffer.

Right?

And so they say this amazing thing to Paul,

and it shows us that

even though they love Paul,

they actually love and trust God more.

They love Paul enough

to do everything to protect him,

but they love God enough

to do nothing to stop him from going

when they know that it's God's will that he go.

And you know,

in this day and age,

you're often going to hear people say,

well, you know,

I just,

all that,

what I really,

I just want you to be happy.

I mean,

yeah,

if that's going to make you happy,

that's what I really want.

I just want you to be happy.

That's what a friend is, right?

A friend is just,

I just,

whatever it means for you,

I just want you to be happy.

True Christian friends don't say that.

True Christian friends say,

you know,

I'm not going to settle for

what you think is going to make you happy.

I'm not even going to settle for

what I think might make you happy.

I'm not going to settle for anything short

of God's greatest good in your life,

whatever that might be.

And I'm going to fight for that,

even if it brings us

intention with one another.

And we need people like this in our lives,

you know,

whatever your version of Jerusalem looks like,

whatever your Jerusalem is,

everybody in this room,

God has a purpose for you

and God is calling you to a vocation

and God is intending to work through you

in that vocation.

Whatever that is,

it probably means you're going to suffer

and it probably means

there are going to be things

that you have to do

that you don't want to do,

things that may even harm you.

And you need people in your life

who want God's will to be done

in your life,

even if it means it's going to be hard.

Even if it means you're going to suffer.

So that's the first quality

of a true Christian friend.

The second quality

is that true friends stay by your side,

even when it's hard.

You know,

these men realize

that Paul must go to Jerusalem

even though it's dangerous,

even though there's risk,

because God is calling him there.

So look what they say.

And I've read over this

a hundred times before I saw it

and what it actually means.

In verse 15,

after these days,

we got ready

and went up to Jerusalem.

You're like,

wait, what?

The word that I skipped over

a hundred times,

we.

The Spirit says,

you're going to suffer,

you're going to die,

it's going to be bad for you in Jerusalem.

Not you're going to die,

but they're afraid he's going to die.

It's going to go bad for you.

They try to convince him not to go.

They're weeping.

Paul says,

I have to go.

God's calling me to go.

They say,

okay,

well,

we're going with you.

You're not going alone.

Even if it means

we're going to suffer.

And then here's the thing.

If you follow the story out,

you know what happens.

Almost all those guys

pull out

at some point or another.

Except one.

One person stays by his side.

If you look at the last letter

Paul ever wrote,

2 Timothy,

Paul sitting in prison,

just as the Spirit predicted

what happened.

And Paul writes,

Luke alone is with me.

Luke alone is with me.

Luke is Paul's faithful companion.

Luke who Paul calls

the beloved physician.

Now why would Paul call him

the beloved physician?

All the times that Paul

was whipped,

beaten,

stripped,

thrown down on the ground,

left to rot in prison,

left for dead.

Who do you think it was

that picked him up?

Who do you think it was

that bandaged his wounds?

Who do you think it was

that fed him

and nursed him back to health?

Who do you think it was

that got him new clothing,

new supplies?

Who do you think it was

that encouraged him

to get back up on his feet

and to keep going

the hard road?

It was the beloved physician.

His friend Luke.

And you may hear this

and you think,

well this is crazy.

This sounds like sadism.

You know,

you're saying that these people

were being good friends to Paul

by seeking God's greatest good

and yet that means

that he's going to have to go

and suffer in Jerusalem?

And I would say,

yeah,

it does sound crazy

by today's standards,

but it doesn't sound

any crazier

than the idea

that God's greatest good

for all humanity

would be sending another man

to go and suffer in Jerusalem.

But this man,

unlike Paul,

didn't have anybody

go with him.

Everybody pulled out.

Everybody abandoned him.

And it wasn't just any man,

it was God's own son.

And this is the point

we want to end on.

As important as it is

to have fellowship

and to have friendship,

and we all need both,

our greatest hope

is not our uncompromising

commitment and devotion.

Our greatest hope

is not our total devotion

to one another.

Our greatest hope

is not our total devotion

to unity.

It's not our total devotion

even to Jesus

because over the course

of our lives,

we are going to fail

and falter

in all of those categories.

There's no such thing

as a perfect friend.

There's no such thing

as perfect fellowship.

Our hope doesn't rest

in our devotion.

It rests in Jesus'

uncompromising devotion

to us.

The fact that when Jesus

looked at his disciples,

saying of anyone

who follows him,

don't just think of yourself

as a disciple,

don't just think of yourself

as a follower,

I'm calling you a friend.

And what that means

is that Jesus

will never, ever, ever

abandon you.

And the way we know that

is by looking at the cross.

The reason that we know

that Jesus is such a good friend

is he was willing

to go to the cross

not just with us

but for us.

And because he was

uncompromising on the cross,

we know that he will be

uncompromising

in his commitment

to us.

It shows us

that Jesus is the kind

of friend

who goes with us

even to the grave,

even into death,

and he carries us

through death

to the other side,

to what is waiting

for us

beyond death,

never leaving us,

never forsaking us.

And this is what

our fellowship

and our friendship

has to be centered on.

Not the fact

that we are good friends,

not the fact

that we have an amazing,

diverse fellowship,

but on the fact

that Jesus Christ

is the one

and only true friend

who shows us

what it means

to be a friend.

And we need to be

the kind of community

that reminds one another

of this

again and again

and again,

especially when our lives

become difficult.

So I encourage you

over the next months,

over the next years,

as you are thinking,

how am I going

to prioritize,

how am I going

to sculpt

and shape

my friendscape,

prioritize both

Christian fellowship

and Christian friendship.

If you want

to feel closer

to God,

focus on your relationship

with God's people.

Let's pray.

Lord,

we thank you

for your word

and we thank you

for your son

and we thank you

for his commitment

to us

and we thank you

that it's in your love

that we learn

how to love

and it's in your friendship

that we learn

how to be friends

and it's in your open

embrace,

Lord,

on the cross.

You open wide

your arms

on the hard wood

of the cross

and it's in that openness

that we learn

how to have fellowship.

Lord,

we pray for your blessing

on this community

that we would be

those who first

and foremost

rest in your grace

and commitment to us

but that we would be

people who are truly open

and welcoming

in our fellowship

with one another

and that we would be

people who know

how to be true friends,

Lord,

in ways that honor you.

We pray this

in your son's holy name.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.