Can I be Gay and Still Follow God?

The sermon text for today is from Matthew chapter 6, verses 16 through 18, and then Matthew chapter 13, big jump, verse 44.

Matthew 6:16–18 Matthew 13 · chapter mention

Please listen as I read God's word.

When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting.

Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your father, who is unseen.

And your father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

And then to chapter 13, 44.

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field.

When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

Good morning, everyone.

Hope you are doing well this morning.

If I have not yet had the chance to meet you, my name is John and I get to serve as the lead pastor here at Elmwood.

Once again, whether you uh sort of just randomly found us online or whether you are here because someone from Elmwood invited you, uh, we want you to know that we are so glad to be spending a Sunday morning with you.

We're honored that you would uh be here.

Uh as we come to this passage this morning, I want to invite you to join me in a word of prayer.

God, as we have sung this morning, it is a privilege to hear from your word.

It is our desire, God, to submit ourselves to your good and wise instruction.

We know that your instruction is for our good, and so we ask you for eyes of faith to see and believe that to be true.

Help us approach the subject this morning with grace and with conviction.

And most of all, Lord, as we pray each week, we ask that you would help us to see Jesus clearly.

We ask God that you would meet each of us where we are today in the needs that we have in the deepest recesses of our hearts.

So we look to you, Holy Spirit, to guide us now in this time.

We ask all this in Jesus' name.

Amen.

We have been in a series of messages called Asking for a Friend.

And what we're doing is we have just been exploring questions that you have submitted.

Some of these questions are some that you personally have and you've asked, like, hey, I'm curious about this.

Some of these questions have been submitted by you on behalf of someone in your sphere of influence who you know has this question.

And so what we've been doing is uh we've just been taking one of these each week, and we are again, I want to keep saying this over and over again, we are not exhaustively talking about each of these subjects.

We are trying to sort of lay a foundation and to lay some groundwork so that you can then take these things that you're hearing about and you can process this more on your own, and you can process this together with others in the context of our church community and your relationships.

And so we've just been uh looking at these questions, and this morning the question that we are coming to is this can I be gay and still follow God?

There's a few different ways we could approach this question, and this is uh this is exactly how the question was submitted, by the way.

Some of them, you know, you sort of uh change it a little bit to uh reflect um, I think, the heart of it, but this one is exactly as it was submitted.

Can I be gay and still follow God?

There's a couple different ways we could approach the subject of same-sex relationships.

We could uh take time and look at various different passages from the Bible to prove that the Bible does indeed say that sexual relations between two people of the same sex are sinful.

That's one way we could approach it.

And there's certainly a time and a place for going and doing it in that kind of a way.

But that's not the way that I want to approach this this morning.

And the reason is because I don't think that the person who submitted this question is looking for textual arguments.

And because of that, I'm going to assume this morning the historical interpretation of the text that's been what the churches believe throughout church history.

And I'm going to assume that the person who asked this question is not confused about what the text says, but is wondering what it means for them personally.

When I hear this question, what I hear is someone who's wrestling with the fact that they want to follow Jesus and they have this aspect of their life that they didn't choose.

And they're trying to figure out how do I put this together.

I hear a person wrestling with the pain and the confusion of those desires that they did not choose.

I hear a person who's wrestling with the fear and the anxiety of what others in the church are going to think about them if they were ever to find out.

Am I going to lose my church family?

Am I going to lose my church home if it comes out that I have these desires?

I think there's a lot that is underneath this question, and I just want to be up front with you here as we begin today and say that I will be approaching this question pastorally, not apologetically.

So just please understand that's the lens through which I'm thinking about this with you this morning.

Specifically for those of you who are same-sex attracted, I want to offer a three-prong approach to discipleship to Jesus.

So if you're here today and you are same-sex attracted, I want to suggest here's three things you should do.

Number one, surrender your sexuality to the one who designed it.

In preparation for this message, I read a really helpful book called Holy Sexuality and the Gospel.

It's a book by Christopher Ewan, and uh this is written by a man who is both a devoted follower of Jesus, who wants to submit his life, every part of his life, to the authority of Jesus and to the authority of Scripture, and he's also a same-sex attracted man.

And so he's writing about this subject of sexuality, not from the outside, he's writing about this from the inside.

He's writing about the subject from the trenches of someone who's trying to submit to Jesus and also is living with same-sex attraction.

And he's he's a he's a professor, he's an author, he's a speaker, and so he travels the country and he talks to lots of different Christians.

And uh, in the course of his interactions speaking with many, many Christians, there is a common theme that he's heard up come up over and over and over again.

A lot of people think that what healing and redemption looks like for someone who is a same-sex attracted Christian, what people think healing and redemption looks like is that they begin to feel attracted to the opposite sex.

So for a lot of people, that's the only outcome they can conceive of when they think of what it looks like for this person to be a disciple of Jesus.

Well, those desires have to fundamentally change.

And this is actually this belief, this assumption, is uh in large part what is behind a lot of the conversion therapy that exists out there.

And in in this book, he makes the case that yes, there are times when God changes a person's sexual orientation.

And he has stories and examples of someone for whom it's like God flipped a switch inside of them and he healed them of that, and they were uh attracted to the opposite sex.

And he also has examples of individuals who have not had a full-scale reorientation of their desires, but God in his grace has given them attraction to one person of the opposite sex.

And so they're not attracted to all men or all women, but God has given them attraction to one man or one woman with whom they can be married and have a family.

And so he says, yes, there are times when God can change and does change a person's sexual orientation, but the vast majority of people who experience same-sex attraction, for those people, those desires are completely unchosen, and those desires never in their life resolve.

They never go away, they never change.

And so the point that he's making in the book is that it is entirely possible for someone who doesn't have a fundamental change in their sexual desires, it's entirely possible for someone who is attracted to the same sex to also be a devoted follower of Jesus.

And I want to be really clear about this.

He does, he does affirm the Bible's teaching that same-sex attraction is a distortion of God's good design for us.

He does affirm that same-sex attraction is a product of living in a broken and fallen and sin-scarred world.

And he does affirm the Bible's teaching that same-sex activity is considered sinful.

So he affirms all of those things, and at the very same time, I think he's right that a person's sexual desires do not need to change for them to be a fully devoted follower of Jesus.

In the book, I think he he makes a compelling case that what God calls each of us to is not heterosexuality, but holy sexuality.

He says, God has called each of us not to heterosexuality per se, but to holy sexuality.

And this paradigm that he lays out of holy sexuality has two parts of it, both of which are like just really obviously rooted in Scripture.

So the way he defines holy sexuality is like this He says, holy sexuality means chastity and singleness and faithfulness and marriage.

So if you notice, those who are single and those who are married, that covers everyone.

Okay?

So everyone is called by God to holy sexuality.

And because of the specific question that we're wrestling with today, I want to camp on this idea of chastity and singleness for a few minutes.

If you would like to look completely out of touch with reality, you should talk about chastity with one of your friends or your coworkers or your neighbors, and you will get, rightly so, some very, very strange looks.

But chastity and singleness, holy sexuality is what the Bible calls us to in our singleness.

Those who are not married are called to holisexuality, meaning chastity and singleness, meaning celibacy, which is a word that we don't use very often.

It just means choosing not to engage in sexual activity outside of the boundaries of marriage.

This is what God calls us to, and the reason he calls us to this is because he has designed sex to be enjoyed and experienced in the context of a covenant marriage relationship between one man and one woman.

And because that's how God designed our sexuality to be, that aspect of it anyways, to be enjoyed and experienced, everything that's outside of that is considered a distortion of God's design and is considered to be sinful.

So we are called to holy sexuality, meaning chastity and singleness.

Now I am I'm also aware that in 2025, everything that I just said sounds totally insane.

This sounds just bananas.

I'm I'm very aware that the sexual ethic of the Jesus movement is not just viewed as crazy or a little bit backwards or sort of outdated.

The sexual ethic of the Jesus movement is viewed as dangerous and repressive.

Those who follow Jesus' design for sexuality are accused of limiting joy and freedom and human flourishing.

I'm aware of that, and I'm also convinced that Jesus offers us a better way than what is available to us from culture broadly.

Now, one of the uh passages you heard read this morning was on the subject of fasting, and uh you may be wondering, why in the world are we what?

What is the connection between these two?

I hope to convince you that there is a helpful connection between the subject of holy sexuality, of sexual uh holiness, and fasting.

But let's just think, uh sort of pull back and think about fasting for a moment.

Uh, fasting very simply is the practice of going without something we desire.

That's what you do when you fast, is you say, here's this thing that I want, and I'm gonna choose not to partake of that thing, I'm gonna choose not to experience or enjoy that thing, I'm going to go without it.

And in the Bible, there's a handful of a couple different reasons why a person would fast.

Sometimes fasting is a way of expressing humility before God.

So you you fast, and in doing so, uh you're filled with with confession of sin and prayer and repentance, and sometimes humbling yourself before God is uh to seek his petition, is to petition him, to seek his uh provision, to seek his blessing or his deliverance in some area in your life.

And so at times fasting is used as a way of humbling yourself before God, and doing so is a formative practice.

It forms you as a person who is humble before God.

But not only this, in addition to this, fasting is a formative practice and it teaches us that we are more than our desires.

We are more than the accumulation of all the things that we want at any given moment.

Now, the Bible says that we are created by God in his image, and that we are not merely glorified animals who have animalistic impulses and urges that we just can't control.

Well, this is what I want, and that's what I feel, that's what I desire, so I need to just go out and do it.

No, Jesus' teaching on fasting reminds us that we can choose to go without things that we desire.

And again, this is so unbelievably countercultural, is it not?

But what Jesus is saying here is that there are times where you can derive spiritual benefit from saying no to the things that you want.

He says, you choose to say no to this thing, and you you do so as an act of worship to God, and in doing so you receive a reward from your heaven, a reward from your heavenly Father.

There's a spiritual benefit to saying no to things that you want.

And in fact, there are times when it is actually in your best interest to say no to your desires.

And the reason is that you are more than just the accumulation of the things that you want.

So the connection that I would like to make is that sexual holiness is a form of fasting.

Choosing to embrace Jesus's and the Bible's teaching on being uh uh chastity and singleness, embracing that life is in a way a form of fasting.

And whether you're whether you're a same-sex attracted person or not, uh, if you want to follow Jesus, this this idea of sexual holiness and and fasting is actually something that applies to every single one of us.

And the reason is that every single one of us experiences seasons of singleness in our life.

There's the the adolescent and the teenage years of singleness.

And in those years we are called to sexual holiness.

There's those who are unmarried adults.

Maybe you're a young adult and you haven't yet found a person as a spouse yet, or maybe you're an older adult and you have not yet been married for whatever reason.

There's those who have lost a spouse due to death or desertion or due to divorce.

In every season of singleness, God's call on your life and mine is sexual holiness.

We will all experience seasons of singleness.

And if you're here today and you are a same-sex attracted follower of Jesus, I want you to know that God doesn't call you to something different than he calls the rest of us to.

The difference is that your season of singleness may be longer.

If you are a if you're single, and especially if you're same sex attracted, surrender your sexuality to the one who designed it.

Secondly, drink deeply from the well of spiritual friendship.

Some of you may have heard of Matthew Vines.

He is an author and speaker who advocates for the full inclusion and the full acceptance of homosexual practice in uh in marriage and in the church.

And I remember years ago reading his book called God and the Gay Christian.

And I can still remember being struck by sort of his line of reasoning and the way that he approached some of this, uh, the subject.

One of his main objections to the idea of chastity and singleness is he says that gay Christians will live a loveless and lonely life.

And I remember reading him saying, like, oh, so you're telling me that like I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life?

And you're telling me that I can't ever love anyone?

And I remember reading this, and this theme was all throughout his book, and I remember reading this thinking, this person has such a low view of the church.

This person has such a low view of spiritual friendship, and how important and meaningful that actually is.

Now, obviously, a person experiences friendship and companionship and love very differently with a spouse than they do with someone who is a friend.

But just because it is different doesn't mean it's less important.

Just because it's different doesn't mean it's lacking or deficient.

Don't underestimate the importance and the power of spiritual friendship.

To that end, I want to uh speak just briefly to those who are single and to those who are married.

Okay?

So to those of you who are single, and especially to those of you who are same-sex attracted, do you realize the gift that God has given you in the people who are sitting in this room?

Do you realize the gift that God has given you?

Now, while the Bible does say that romantic relationships and sexual intimacy are off-limits for you, every other good thing, relationally speaking, is yours for the taking.

So if you are a single person, you can still experience deep and meaningful and lasting friendships.

You can still experience stomach-hurting laughter.

You can still experience the sharing of joys and burdens.

You can still experience relational intimacy and time together.

You can still experience the sharing of meals and experiences and meaningful and transformational spiritual conversation.

All of these things are open and available to you, and God wants you as a single person to experience all of those good gifts.

Spiritual friendship is available to you.

It is God's gift to you, and He has given you a local church filled with people to meet those friendships.

Friendship, the spiritual friendship needs in your life.

Drink deeply from the well of spiritual friendship.

To those of you who are married, whether they are same-sex attracted or not, your single brothers and sisters need you.

Are we so busy and so consumed with our own biological family and all the activities and they're running around doing this and that that we have no margin to invite single people into our lives and into our homes?

I get it.

I'm a married person with two small children who are getting older and they're getting involved in more activities and things like this.

Life can be busy.

Life with children is complex.

I get it.

But those of us who are married need to remember that we have an important role to play in the overall well-being of our single brothers and sisters.

We need to remember that we get to be one of the means by which God meets those needs in the lives of our single brothers and sisters.

So don't underestimate the power of your friendship in the lives of people in your life who are single.

If you are single, and especially if you are same-sex attracted, surrender your sexuality to the one who designed it.

Drink deeply from the well of spiritual friendship.

And third, enjoy eternal friendship with the lover of your soul.

I know we live in a culture that says, you know, your soulmate is out there, and it was love at first sight and all that.

You were not made for another person.

Meaning no other person, whether it is a spouse or some other person, no other person can quench the deepest thirst of your soul and of your heart.

You were made for him.

First and foremost.

Listen to, we get just a glimpse of a glimpse of this in Psalm 63.

David says, You God are my God.

Earnestly I seek you.

I thirst for you.

My whole being longs for you in a dry and parched land where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and glory, because your love is better than life.

My lips will glorify you.

Then listen to Psalm 16.

Therefore, my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices, my body will also rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful ones see decay.

You make known to me the path of life, you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Notice what the psalm writer is saying about God.

His love is better than life itself.

At his right hand, in his presence are pleasures, eternal pleasures.

Never forget that you were made for him.

And what this means is that a life without romantic love or sexual intimacy is not a deficient life.

You do not live a deficient life as long as you have Christ.

Ewan says this in a really helpful way.

He says, Jesus didn't die so we could get married.

He died so we could have Him.

That's the deficient life, is the life without God.

And this is exactly what Paul says in the New Testament as he's writing to the churches and he's teaching them about marriage and sexuality.

He says that the covenant of marriage and sexual union are both signposts pointing to something different.

They point past themselves to an even greater and even better reality, and that is being in covenant relationship with God.

What it points to is experiencing eternal union with Christ, the one for whom you were made.

So never forget that you were made for him.

But more than that, remember he is worth losing anything to gain.

This is what we see in the parable of the treasure that you heard read a few moments ago.

There's a treasure in the middle of a field, and a guy stumbles upon this treasure, and he sees how enormously valuable it is.

And the only response that makes any sense is to liquidate everything else he has so he can gain this treasure.

Because the treasure is worth more than everything else he has combined.

And so he has zero hesitation getting rid of everything else in his life.

Who knows what sentimental attachments he may have had to some of his earthly possessions.

I'm sure if some of us were asked to sell all of our stuff to gain something more valuable, we'd probably think, well, yeah, but that thing.

I love that thing and I love the memories associated with it.

He says, what this thing is, this thing is so valuable that anything I own is worth nothing compared to gaining this thing.

And that's the point.

Is that if Jesus calls you to lay down certain desires and in return you gain him, it's entirely worth it.

If he calls you to a life of sexual holiness and a life of chastity and singleness, and in return you get him, it is totally worth it.

He is the treasure that is worth losing everything to gain.

By surrendering your sexual desires to him, you get to experience eternal friendship with the one for whom you were made.

That's what's available to you.

A life of sexual holiness, especially chastity and singleness for those of you who find yourself in that situation, a life of sexual holiness provides a unique opportunity for you to know him as your friend, as your companion, as the one who is enough for you.

Let me close by speaking to those who are single, especially to those of you who may be same-sex attracted.

Jesus is not ignorant of the challenges you face in living a single life.

Let me remind you that Jesus lived the life of sexual holiness that he calls us to live.

In other words, Jesus is not asking you to do anything that he wasn't willing to do himself.

I don't understand why this was the case, but it was the Father's plan that Jesus remained single for his whole life.

Jesus never married.

And what that means is that Jesus lived a life of sexual holiness.

Please don't miss what this means for you.

Jesus laid aside his sexual desires for you.

The letter to the Hebrews says that he was tempted in every single way that you were tempted, and yet he chose never to sin.

He laid down his sexual desires for you, but he did so much more than that.

He laid down his life for you.

He is the treasure, and he gave up everything so that you could possess him.

This is the last thing I'll say, I promise.

If you are single here today, please know that God will never waste your singleness.

Did you know that the two most influential people in the history of the church were single?

Jesus, pretty important guy, was single.

Paul, who wrote more books of the Bible than anyone else, was single.

And their lives were not deficient, their lives were not less important or less impactful because they were single.

Their singleness was not wasted by God, and he will not waste your singleness either.

I invite you to imagine what God could do through your singleness when it is fully devoted to him.

If you are single, especially if you are same-sex attracted, I invite you to follow the way of Jesus.

Surrender your sexuality to the one who designed it.

Drink deeply from the well of spiritual friendship, and enjoy eternal friendship with the lover of your soul.

As we do each week, we get to come to the communion table and we get to remember and celebrate that Jesus, who is the treasure, gave his life for us so we could possess him.

We get to come receive the broken body and shed blood of Jesus.

And as we do so, I want to invite you to take a few moments for silence, for confession and reflection.

And then we will come and celebrate Christ together at the communion table.