Fiction Family And Factual Family

This morning, I'm going to talk about fiction family and factual family.

Okay?

Fiction family and factual family.

A lot of little alliteration there.

So, you've heard me say before that probably one of the more disillusioning things

is to have the language of family without the experience of family, right?

Okay, so we have the language of family.

We talk about family as we should.

Okay?

Talk about the church being a family as we should.

We're getting that from the Bible, right?

The danger with people talking a lot about family would be that there's areas where we're not living like family,

or we're not experiencing family as much as we're talking about it.

And that's not to say, when I say that, we don't have to think in like extremes,

whether it's just all family or not family.

We can have certain experiences of family, and then others where it's just like,

well, this could be a little better.

We could experience this more.

We could, you know, do this better.

Okay?

And in talking with different people, I've heard a little bit of that.

You know?

It's like, yeah, this is good, but we could do this better.

I want to get to know each other better, get more deep.

It was even prayed.

Someone even prayed it.

I think Zemir might have prayed it this morning in our prayer time,

just praying that we would be a family together and experience more of what that looks like.

And the fact that there's areas where we can improve on that and grow in that,

that's nothing to be ashamed about.

That's nothing to feel condemned about in any way, shape, or form.

That's just part of being a church together.

We've got to grow in that.

We've got to be intentional in that.

And it doesn't happen without being intentional.

It's not like you just sit around and, oh, yeah, family just happens.

No.

We have to be intentional to really relate to each other in the right way

and to be obedient to Jesus, really.

And when we're obedient to Jesus and all the little things,

the bigger thing of family starts coming together.

So we want to get this right.

It's important that we get this right

because part of the good news of the gospel

is that God is a father who sent his son

so that we could be adopted into his family.

Okay?

And there's implications of that.

So the question would be really,

how do we make sure that our experience of family is real family,

not just kind of a family in name only kind of thing?

And it's important to start with the fact that sonship produces brotherhood.

The gospel creates family.

Okay?

Because Jesus adopted us into his family,

that now makes us family with each other.

Right?

Also makes us family with God, of course.

But it's not just that we're now family with God.

It's not just that he just adopted us into his family.

All his kids adopted into his family are brothers and sisters.

Right?

John chapter 1, 12 to 13,

John 1 · chapter mention

To all who did receive him, who believed in his name,

he gave the right to become children of God,

who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh,

nor of the will of man, but of God.

Okay?

There's some people in here who are blood brothers or sisters,

like that they lived in the same flesh family.

Okay?

But all of us who are in Christ

are automatically brothers and sisters.

All right?

And so when God reconciled us to him

and adopted us into his family,

that automatically, when you came to Christ,

that made you a brother or a sister

with all the other brothers and sisters.

And specifically, more specifically,

more practically in the local church

that you're a part of.

So it's really important for us,

for us to experience family,

to think of ourselves in that way.

1 Timothy 5, 1 to 2 says,

Don't rebuke an older man,

but encourage him as you would a father.

Younger men as brothers,

older women as mothers,

younger women as sisters.

Excuse me.

And all purity.

Okay?

So there's this,

when you're rebuking someone

or encouraging them,

you should treat them like family.

And one thing I was looking at

that I was honestly a little surprised about

looking in the Bible

is that from the book of Acts

to the book of Revelation,

so taking out the Gospels

because the Gospels talk a lot about natural family,

but through Acts,

Acts to the book of Revelation,

the word brother is used 256 times.

I didn't realize that it was actually used that much.

It's like you almost kind of take it for granted

when you're reading through the epistles

and you're reading through the book of Acts,

but it's constantly being used.

Paul's constantly calling someone a brother.

He's calling someone a sister.

Starts in the beginning of the letter.

He's like,

hey,

this letter's from so-and-so

and so-and-so,

our brothers.

At the end,

he's like,

hey,

say hi to so-and-so,

our sister.

And you just see this language.

I didn't realize it was so littered,

but once I started reading all the verses,

I was just thinking,

my goodness,

this is really pervasive.

And there's something to be gleaned from that.

Not only that,

but also even just thinking of the concept

of Jesus himself being our brother.

If Jesus himself is our brother,

which says in Romans 8, 29,

those whom he foreknew,

he also predestined to be conformed

to the image of his son

in order that he might be the firstborn

among many brothers.

Okay?

If Jesus calls his brothers,

you know,

in Mark chapter 3,

Mark 3 · chapter mention

Jesus,

they said,

hey,

your mom and your brothers are here.

And he said,

who are my mother and my brothers?

He said,

he who does the will of God,

he is my brother and sister and mother.

So,

you see this language here.

He's the firstborn among brothers.

He calls those who obey him,

his brother and sister and mother.

Hebrews 2 says,

he's not ashamed to call us his brothers.

All right?

And Hebrews 2, 17 says,

he has to be made like his brothers

in every respect

so that he might become a merciful

and faithful high priest

in the service of God

to make propitiation

for the sins of the people.

Isn't it interesting

that God,

you know,

he doesn't have to earn

any kind of stature

or trust with us.

He's God.

Right?

He could have just came in

quote unquote,

you know,

kind of like guns a blazing,

so to speak.

Like,

I'm God,

you're not.

Like,

you do what I say

and I don't really care

what you think.

I'm God.

But Jesus

comes to earth

and he's made

like his brothers

in every respect.

Isn't that

just an incredible thought

to think?

Why did he do that?

Why would,

why was he made

like his brothers

and then called us

his brothers

so that he might

become a merciful

and faithful high priest

in the service of God

to make propitiation

for the sins of the people?

I mean,

it basically says

he came into our world.

He took on flesh.

The word became flesh

and dwelt among us,

right?

So he could be

a faithful high priest

so he could know

what we go through.

You know,

you can never say,

well,

Jesus,

you're just this distant God

who has no concept

of what we go through

because you're God

and then we're,

you know,

humans living this earthly

experience in a broken world.

You can never say that

because Jesus lived

in this broken world.

Jesus truly was our brother

and still is our brother

and that he took on,

took on flesh

and he was made

like his brothers

in every respect

so he might become

a merciful and faithful

high priest.

Now,

if God himself

became a brother

instead of just trumpeting,

hey,

I'm God

and I'm Father,

how much more should we

when we relate to one another

should we begin

the experience

of family

relating to one another

as brothers and sisters?

Okay?

So really for those two reasons

that I just laid out.

One,

because

that's where

we always start

with the gospel.

The gospel is the framework.

The gospel is the foundation.

That's what we build upon,

right?

We build upon Christ

and the gospel

reconciles us to each other

and makes us family members

with one another,

makes us brothers and sisters.

Okay?

And then second,

Jesus himself

related to us

like a brother

and came into our world

like a brother

and we should do

the same thing.

We should love one another

like brother and sister.

And so I think

oftentimes

if we want the quality

of family,

we have to start there

because that's what

the gospel does.

It gives us the right

to be called children of God

and if I'm a child of God

and you're a child of God,

that means

we're brothers

or we're sisters

or we're brothers and sisters

depending on

who we're talking about.

Okay?

Jesus,

or the Bible,

New Testament

has some more commands

about this.

Basically telling us

to love like brothers.

Romans chapter 12,

Romans 12:10

verse 10

says,

love one another,

how?

With brotherly affection.

And then it says,

outdo one another

in showing honor.

Okay?

Love one another

with brotherly affection.

So we should be affectionate

with one another.

How?

Like a brother would be.

Like a sister would be.

That brother-sister,

brother-brother,

sister-sister

kind of affection.

We love each other

in that way.

Do you love that way?

Do you think of that?

Say, okay,

when you relate

to the people in this room,

when you come on a gathering

like this morning,

you think, okay,

this person that I'm

now seeing face to face,

that's my brother.

That's my sister.

But what if they're,

you know,

what if they're way older?

What if they're way younger?

Yeah, there could be

some other different dynamics

that take place.

You know,

it says in 1 Timothy 5,

don't rebuke an older man

but encourage him

as you would a father.

But,

for starters,

we're all brothers and sisters.

Even your own

blood father

or mother,

if they're in Christ with you,

you're brothers,

you're sisters

in Christ

because you're both

children of God.

And so,

we should be thinking

if we start in that place,

number one,

that brings us

in unity with one another

because we're all

thinking the same thing.

We're all relating

the same way.

Hey,

I'm going to come in,

I'm going to hug someone.

Why?

Because the Bible says

love one another

with brotherly affection.

And I say,

well,

my brother never hugged me.

Well,

your brother needs some work.

Okay,

he shouldn't.

He shouldn't.

Okay,

so love one another

with brotherly affection

and outdo one another

in showing honor.

1 Peter 1,

22-23

says,

having purified your souls

by your obedience

to the truth

for a sincere

brotherly love,

love one another

earnestly

from a pure heart

since you have been

born again

not of perishable seed

but of imperishable

through the living

abiding word of God.

So,

you've been born again?

Have you been born

of imperishable seed

through the living

and abiding word of God?

If that's true,

then what do you do?

Then you should

love one another

with a sincere

brotherly love.

A sincere brotherly love.

Notice it says,

this one adds another word.

It doesn't just say

a brotherly love

or affection.

It says sincere.

Okay?

If we're just going

through the motions

and there's not sincerity,

we'll have the lingo,

we'll have the language

but not the experience

and that will,

that'll cause people's hearts

to take a nosedive.

All right?

It has to be sincere.

Well, where does that

sincere love come from?

Well, you don't have to try

to muster up in yourself

and I would actually

encourage you not

to try to muster up

in yourself

because newsflash,

you can't.

There's nothing in you

that can love.

You want to shipwreck

the love of this church,

try to do it on your own.

Try to do it in your flesh.

The good news

is that Jesus lives

inside of you

and Jesus loves

everybody perfectly.

Jesus is a good brother.

Okay?

Jesus loves

with the right affection.

He loves with

familial affection.

And when we die

to ourselves

and die to our own experiences

and die to our own preferences,

you might say,

well, I don't like

to be affectionate.

Well, Jesus does.

So Paul said,

I love you with what?

The affections of Christ.

Christ is affectionate.

You might say,

but I'm not.

Well, you've died.

It's no longer you who live.

It's Christ who lives in you.

We're just talking,

Seth was just talking

about this yesterday

at Workman's Trust.

Okay?

So if it's no longer

you who live,

then the one who lives

through you is sincere.

The one who lives

through you is

loves with brotherly affections.

And so you might say,

well, I'm not good

at that.

I got good news for you.

You don't have

to be good at it.

No one asked you

to be good at it.

The Bible just asked you

to get out of the way.

Die and let Jesus

possess you.

Let Jesus

move through you,

work through you.

So that when

we leave a service,

we don't say,

oh, so-and-so,

such a great person.

We say,

Jesus is so great

in his church.

To him be the glory.

He loves people well.

Okay?

The result of you

being born again

is sincere brotherly love.

Why?

Because you now have

another person

living inside of you

who loves with

sincere brotherly love.

That's why those two

are implicated together.

And,

because you're born again,

all the other people

who are born again

are now your brothers

and sisters.

Automatically.

1 Peter 2.17.

Peter goes on

and he says,

honor everyone.

And then he says,

love the brotherhood.

Love the brotherhood.

Okay?

So this is going,

this is,

you know,

again,

another kind of nuance

on this.

Love the brotherhood.

Love the fellowship

that you have together

as brothers.

Love the fellowship

and you could do

the same thing

with sisters.

Love the familial

fellowship you have.

Love this bond you have.

Love that.

So this is not saying

love each other.

This is saying

love the bond you have

with one another.

Love the fact that

you're brothers and sisters.

Love that.

Love this collection of people

and when you,

when you care about that,

when you love the brotherhood,

it's,

it's not just loving

those individual people

because you could do,

you could love a brother

without loving the brotherhood.

Do you understand

what I'm saying?

The brotherhood

is more than that

because that's you

loving the connection,

the bond together

and saying,

this is important.

I need to do that.

But I can't do that

if I'm not relating

to people as brothers

and sisters.

I can't do that.

And to the degree

that I'm not doing that,

I'm hindering

church as family

and I'm creating

kind of a fictional family

instead of a factual family.

Family,

in fact,

that is when

we love the brotherhood.

We love that bond

and we say,

I'm going to do what I can

to love as brothers

and sisters.

And I'm not just going to

only do guys with guys

and girls with girls

because that gets weird.

I want to love,

guys are going to love

sisters well.

Sisters are going to love

brothers well.

That's important.

Sometimes that's not as easy.

Sometimes it's easier.

It really doesn't matter

what's easier

or what's harder.

It just matters

that God

has reconciled to him,

given us the right

to be called children of God,

which makes us family,

which makes us brothers

and sisters.

And that has to be

the basis by which we build.

That has to be the basis

by which we relate

to one another.

He goes on,

this third verse in Peter,

1 Peter 3,

okay,

we have 1 Peter 1,

1 Peter 2,

now in 1 Peter 3,

1 Peter 3:8

verse 8,

he wraps up,

he says,

finally all of you

have unity of mind,

sympathy,

brotherly love,

a tender heart,

and a humble mind.

Okay?

So he's,

Peter's really hammering

this one.

Three chapters in a row,

he's like,

hey,

you guys getting this?

I'm going to keep saying it.

Like,

why does he keep repeating it?

Well,

Peter obviously believed

that this was important,

right?

And even more so,

God thought it was important

because he's writing scripture.

Okay?

So he starts with

a sincere brotherly love,

he says,

love the brotherhood,

and then he culminates there

in 1 Peter 3,

1 Peter 3:8

verse 8,

with having a unity of mind,

sympathy,

and brotherly love.

Are you united,

are we united,

in mind,

to be brothers and sisters

to one another?

Starting there.

Like,

let's time out

on the father-mother thing

and all that kind of,

and the different authority

or hierarchy

and all this stuff.

Like,

let's just,

we're going to talk about

some of that stuff.

But again,

don't get distracted.

You have to start here.

Brothers and sisters,

brothers and sisters.

Am I a good brother?

Are you a good sister?

Are you a good brother?

Do you know how to love that way?

Do you know what the Bible

says about that?

Are we seeking

to be that to one another

and to be that way sincerely,

to be that way consistently?

And we can worry about

all the other dynamics.

Okay?

Even,

you know,

even in marriage,

you can worry about these things.

But again,

at the basis,

are we relating,

even in our marriages,

according to the gospel?

Like,

this is,

like,

the Bible even says,

relating to your wife

as heirs of the gift of life.

Why is she an heir?

Because she's your sister.

She's part of the same family,

the same inheritance.

And so,

we need to relate to one another

as brother and sister.

Peter writes about this,

again in his second letter,

2 Peter chapter 1.

2 Peter 1 · chapter mention

Probably familiar with this portion

of scripture.

Verse 3 says,

His divine power

is granted to us

all things that pertain

to life and godliness.

Through the knowledge of him

who called us

to his own glory and excellence,

by which he has granted to us

his precious

and very great promises.

So that through them

you may become partakers

of the divine nature,

having escaped from the corruption

that is in the world

because of sinful desire.

for this very reason.

Make every effort

to supplement your faith

with virtue

and virtue with knowledge

and knowledge with self-control

and self-control

with steadfastness

and steadfastness

with godliness

and godliness

with brotherly affection

and brotherly affection

with love.

Okay, so he's saying

you need to make every effort

to supplement this.

You need to make sure

this is a part of your daily life,

your interactions

with the other people,

that you are adding

brotherly affection

kind of into your repertoire,

into your tool set.

And then in verse 8,

he says,

if these qualities

are yours

and are increasing,

they keep you

from being ineffective

or unfruitful

in the knowledge

of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Have you ever thought

that actually

not having brotherly affection

for one another

would keep you

from being effective

and it would actually

put you in a place

of unfruitfulness

in your knowledge

of the Lord Jesus Christ?

This is true.

Why?

Because whoever lacks

these qualities

is so nearsighted

that he is blind,

having forgotten

that he was cleansed

from his former sins.

Therefore, brothers,

be all the more diligently

to confirm

your calling and election.

For if you practice

these qualities,

you will never fall.

For in this way

there will be

richly provided for you

an entrance

into the eternal kingdom

of our Lord and Savior,

Jesus Christ.

Okay?

So, he's saying

if you lack

these qualities

including brotherly affection,

it's a nearsightedness,

it's a blindness

that comes from forgetting

that you've been cleansed

from your former sins.

Do you ever say,

I'm having a hard time

relating to

my brothers and sisters

as brothers and sisters.

I'm having a hard time

having brotherly affection

for them.

Why is that?

Well, it's because

you've forgotten.

You've forgotten

that you've been cleansed

from your past sins.

You've forgotten

that you were

cleansed from your sins

and they were

cleansed from your sins

by the Father

which makes you family

and makes you

brothers and sisters.

And when you forget that,

it becomes harder

to relate with them

because then you're

stuck

only relating to them

on similar interests

and similar background

and similar personality.

And then we have

these weird,

awkward conversations

about stuff

we really don't

even care about.

And the great thing

about being in Christ

together

and remembering

that Jesus

reconciled us

to the Father

and made us family

with one another

is there's a couple things.

One,

we now have a common

interest in Christ

and we can relate

with what the Bible

calls it

the fellowship

of the Spirit.

We have fellowship

in the Spirit

which is deeper

than any kind

of fellowship

we could have

over anything.

You know,

over liking the Chiefs

or, you know,

over, you know,

having same hobbies

or whatever it may be.

Being the same gender,

being whatever it may be.

Same age.

There's a greater bond

that happens

when we relate

to each other

and in fellowship

with one another

by the Spirit.

But here's the other thing

and this is one

that I don't think

we think about as much.

It's not just

that we have that

although if we only

had that,

that'd be pretty good.

That'd be pretty awesome.

It's also

that when you

realize that you've been

cleansed from your past sins

and you've been made family

with one another,

you begin to enjoy

even the things

in other people

that you normally

wouldn't enjoy.

Why?

Because you know

that they're your brother

or your sister.

Like, for those of you

who grew up

with a brother or sister,

did you ever start

to like the same things

as them just because

they were your brother

or sister

even though at first

you didn't like it?

I mean, I remember

that with my brother

sometimes even with music.

He'd listen to music

and I'm like,

bro, why are you listening to this?

This music sucks.

Don't listen to that music.

And then because I love

my brother,

I want to get into it

because he's my brother.

And it's maybe not

my favorite music

in the world

but he's my brother.

And if he likes it,

I like liking it

with him liking it.

You know?

Because that's fun.

And that's what affection is.

Affection is like

the lubrication

of relationships.

It's like the oil

of relationships

that keeps the engine

from getting overheated

and causing friction

between you two.

Which can happen

with brothers, right?

Happen with sisters,

happen with brothers

and sisters.

But when there's affection,

that keeps that relationship,

the pistons

of that relationship

moving in a way

that there's not friction.

And then you can even

actually enjoy things

that maybe you wouldn't

normally get into.

Why?

Because that's my brother.

That's my sister.

And you know this has happened

when you see that.

You know,

we know what this looks like

with a little kid, right?

When you see a little kid

and there's natural affection

that rises up,

you kind of just want

to squeeze them, right?

You just want to hug them

or squeeze their cheeks.

I'm not saying you're going

to do that with each other

but there's something similar

that happens in your heart.

It's not, you know,

the same way that it is

with a baby

but it's the same kind

of affection

where you see them

and you're just like,

I'm really glad to see them.

And even though

they're very different than me,

even though they might

think differently,

they might be different age,

they might be different gender,

they might have different

background,

different gift mix,

just different,

all these kind of things,

I actually feel affection

for them

because that's my brother.

That's my sister.

And I want to give them

a genuine,

sincere,

good squeeze hug

because I really,

not because that's my

religious familial obligation

but because I have

genuine,

sincere,

brotherly or sincerely

love for them.

And maybe you've experienced

that some,

maybe you've experienced

that a lot,

maybe you've never experienced

that in the context

of church

and maybe you have

a hard time believing

it's possible

or maybe you're just having,

maybe you have experienced

it and you're having

a hard time believing

it's possible in this church.

And if that's the case,

I want to encourage you

and exhort you

to actually repent

of your unbelief

because are you actually

saying that the God

who reconciles us

to one another

and adopts us

into his family

can't make us family

to the point

that we actually

have genuine affection

for one another?

That's kind of a slap

in the gospel's,

the gospel's face.

You know,

like God literally

gives this to us

and we're just going

to say,

no,

I don't believe

that then you could

actually make us

have real affection

for one another?

That's such an affront

to the gospel of grace.

That's such an affront

to all that he's done

and that's why it says

those who've forgotten

are nearsighted and blind.

And so they relate

to one another

in blindness.

We can't do that.

So that begs

the question though,

and I told you

I'd get to this,

well,

what about,

what about,

okay,

that's brother-sister stuff.

What about father-mother stuff?

I mean,

come on,

Paul,

right,

Paul's using

the language of father.

So what about that?

How does that work?

Well,

let's look at it,

okay?

Let's look at it

with Paul

with Timothy,

Titus,

and Onesimus,

okay?

Three different men

that he related to

and talked about

a little bit more often

than some of the others.

First one with Timothy,

okay?

In 2 Corinthians 1

and 1 Thessalonians 3

and Philemon 1

and in Colossians 1,

all four of those books,

he refers to Timothy,

he uses this phrase,

Timothy,

our brother.

Timothy,

our brother,

okay?

Did you know that,

that he referred to Timothy

as his brother?

Because we know

that he referred to him

as his,

in other ways,

right?

In Philippians 2,

22,

he says,

you know,

Timothy's proven worth,

how as a son

with a father,

he has served me

in the gospel.

In 1 Corinthians 4, 17,

he says,

Timothy,

my beloved and faithful child

in the Lord,

I'm sending him to you,

okay?

He calls him his child.

And then when he writes

to Timothy specifically,

in 1 Timothy 1, 2,

and 1, 18,

he says,

Timothy,

my true child

and Timothy,

my child.

And then when he writes

the second letter to him

in 2 Timothy,

he says,

Timothy,

my beloved child.

So what is it?

Well, it's both.

It's both.

You can have someone

who is your child

or you can relate

to someone as father,

but that's sometimes,

not all the times,

you always,

always can relate

to one another

as brother or sister.

And you don't see

any place in Scripture

where there is

a referring to someone

as a father,

where there's also

not a referring

to one another

as a brother.

And in Timothy here,

Paul clearly

was a spiritual father.

Okay?

He had a fatherly role

in his life for sure.

That's clear.

Okay?

But there's multiple instances

of him also calling him

our brother.

So it was both

and it really should start there.

It gets,

things get really weird

when a person tries

to be someone's father

or mother

without first relating

to them as a brother

or sister.

Because there's not

that trust there.

there's not,

that's the basis

for what this happens.

What is the basis?

It's the gospel.

For you to be a father

or a mother to someone

is a very noble thing

and it should happen

in some instances

and at some time.

Especially as you get older,

that should happen,

be more common.

Okay?

But it's going to be

really weird

if it doesn't first

start with the gospel

and the fact that

we relate to one another

as brothers and sisters.

And the better you can be,

this is my opinion,

and I've seen it play out

in a lot of ways,

but I think the,

I believe that the better

you can be

at loving one another

with brotherly love

and loving each other

as sisters,

the more likely

it's going to be

that people will receive you

eventually someday

as a father or a mother.

Because that's what

builds the trust of that.

That's what builds

the foundation of that.

And if we get those things

out of order,

things get weird.

Okay?

So,

that's got to be,

because we're in the early stages

of our church,

of this church,

we have to make sure

that we're building on

with that.

Building first with father,

sorry,

with brother and sister,

affection and love

for one another,

right?

Same thing with Titus.

2 Corinthians 2.13,

Paul calls Titus his brother.

But then in Titus 1.4,

when he writes a letter to him,

he says to Titus,

my true child

in a common faith.

Do you see?

Same thing as Timothy.

It's both.

When he's writing to the Corinthians,

okay,

which is one of the first letters

he wrote,

he says,

my spirit was not at rest

because I did not find

my brother Titus there.

That's what he said.

But then when he writes to Titus

later on in his life,

he says,

Titus,

my true child,

my true child.

Okay?

It was both.

Paul didn't just relate.

He wasn't just this guy

who only related to his father.

He still related

even to people

who eventually were,

or maybe even early onward,

true children of his,

he related to his brother.

And he did the same thing

with Onesimus.

In Colossians 4.9,

he calls Onesimus

our faithful

and beloved brother.

And then when he writes

to Philemon,

he says,

I appeal to you

for my child Onesimus

whose father

I became in prison.

Okay?

So in prison,

he developed this relationship

with his brother Onesimus

that turned into

a father relationship.

And then he appeals

for Philemon

because Onesimus

was Philemon's slave,

his bondservant.

He says,

to relate to him

as a beloved brother,

especially,

because that's how

he's become to me,

a beloved one,

a beloved brother to me.

But how much more to you,

both in the flesh

and in the Lord?

Okay?

So he's wanting him

to relate to him

as a brother.

He's appealing.

Relate to Onesimus

as your brother,

even though he's

your bondservant.

Relate to him

as a brother.

A lot of this

comes down,

gets,

a lot of times

what ends up

getting mixed with this

is the whole concept

of authority.

Okay?

When authority

gets in the mix,

it's like,

oh,

can I relate

to someone

as a brother

or sister

if they're

in authority?

Yes.

And,

when is there

authority

and when is there

just influence?

Let's look at this

because this,

I think,

it impacts things.

It's like,

I think that sometimes

we get confused

with how to relate

to one another.

Right?

So let's look at this.

What's the difference

between authority

and influence?

There's people

who have authority

in our life

and we have to

listen to them.

Right?

A great example

would be like

when you're a kid,

your parents.

You know,

Ephesians 6

says,

children,

obey your parents.

Right?

Kids,

you guys heard

this many times?

Children,

obey your parents.

Like,

yeah,

okay.

you might have

sometimes

when you don't

want to obey

your parents,

right?

I know you guys

all want to

obey your parents,

right?

Max,

Charlie,

never had that

happen before

where you didn't

want to obey?

Right,

right.

But,

okay,

but if you did,

let's,

hypothetically,

if you actually

didn't want to

obey your parents,

would you have

the option

to not obey

your parents?

No,

you have to

obey them,

right?

Otherwise,

your parents

have the authority

to discipline you

because they're,

Max's like,

yeah,

okay,

because they have

authority.

It's not,

you can't,

like,

prefer,

like,

well,

you know,

I prefer not

to obey my parents

and then you're

just going to

get away with it.

No,

because they're

your authority,

all right?

Someday,

you're going to

leave your father

and mother

and start your

own family

and when you

do that,

they don't have

that same role

in your life

anymore.

Hopefully,

they wouldn't

be spanking

you at that point

so everything's

good there.

Um,

but they still

have strong

influence on you,

okay?

And I think

that's important

to remember.

There's some people

who have authority

in your life

and then there's

some people

that influence

you,

especially for kids.

Your parents

have authority

over you

and then there's

other people

who have influence

and you should

respect,

right?

But the kids

don't relate to

them in the same

way.

You know,

they should respect

other adults.

They should,

they could see

other adults

having even

a certain level

of influence

in their life

that's stronger

than maybe

other adults,

but they don't

have the same

authority

that the actual

parents have.

The parents

have different

authority,

okay?

So there's

parenting authority.

There's also

elder authority,

right?

In a church

you might have

specific fathers

and mothers,

but then you

have fathers

who are elders

in the church.

They have an

office of

eldership that

carries with it

authority,

not just influence,

but authority.

Hebrews 13,

17 says,

Obey your leaders

and submit to

them,

for they are

keeping watch

over your souls

as those who

have to give

an account.

Let them do

this with joy

and not with

groaning,

for that would

be of no

advantage to you.

1 Timothy 5,

17 in the NIV

speaks of the

elders who

direct the

affairs of

the church,

okay?

So,

in a church

there's going

to be people

who have

influence and

then there's

going to be

people who

have authority.

Those are

two different

things.

If you relate

to someone

who has

authority in

just a way

that, oh,

they have

influence in

my life,

that's going

to be a

problem.

Just like if

you related

to your parents

that way and

just said,

well, I'm

not really

going to relate

to them as

authority.

Let's just say,

Dad, you're

a strong

influence in

my life.

I don't

think I'd

go over

too well

right here

with Max

and Charlie.

I keep

using you

guys as

an example,

but you're

just a

great example

for this.

So, if

you confuse

those two,

it's not

going to go

well.

When someone's

an authority

in your life,

they should

be an

authority.

You should

treat them

like an

authority,

and they

should act

like they're

an authority.

When someone's

an influence

in someone's

life,

they shouldn't

act like an

authority,

and you

should treat

them like an

authority.

That's an

important thing.

Same thing

with apostolic

authority.

In 2 Corinthians

13.10,

Paul, which

he's writing

about his

apostolic

authority,

says,

for this

reason I

write these

things while

I'm away

from you,

that when

I may

come,

I may

not have

to be

severe in

my use

of the

authority that

the Lord

has given

me for

building up

and not

for tearing

down.

This is

always a

good reminder.

Authority is

given to

build up.

That's the

purpose of

authority,

is to

build up.

So,

apostles and

elders have

authority in

the church,

okay,

and we

should respect

that authority,

we should

submit to that

authority,

and then

there's also

going to be

people who

are aspiring

to leadership

or aspiring

to eldership,

right?

1 Timothy 3,

1 says,

this saying

is trustworthy.

If anyone

aspires to

the office

of overseer,

overseer

meaning the

same thing

as elder,

he desires

a noble

task,

okay?

So,

he's saying

it's a noble

thing to

aspire to

eldership.

In this

church plant,

I would hope

that there

would be

multiple men

who would

be aspiring

to eldership,

okay?

That's a,

the Bible

says,

hey,

that's noble.

That's a good

thing.

You should

do that,

right?

So,

aspiring to

eldership

is a noble

task,

but someone

aspiring to

eldership,

to aspire to

eldership

doesn't mean

you treat

them like

they are

an elder,

and it

doesn't mean

they take

on the

authority of

an elder.

Aspiring to

eldership

means that

I try to

become the

kind of

person that

has influence

like an

elder,

and then

hopefully when

the influence

is there

and recognized,

it becomes a

no-brainer

when that

person ends

up becoming

an actual

elder.

But where

does that

influence

start?

Relating as

a brother

or sister,

right?

Relating as

a brother or

sister.

When that

trust of

being,

relating to

one another

as a brother

and sister

happens,

it becomes a

lot more

natural to

be fathers

and mothers.

And make

no mistake,

the church

needs fathers

and mothers.

fathers.

That's

why Paul

said in

1 Corinthians

4.15,

though you

have countless

guides in

Christ,

you don't

have any

fathers.

And he

said,

I became

your father

in the

gospel.

Okay?

So what

kind of

father did

he become?

Did he

become like

a natural

father where

now he

has,

you know,

that when

you get

someone saved,

all of a

sudden you

have authority

over them?

No.

But when

you lead

someone to

Christ,

you have

influence over

them.

You become

their father

in the

gospel.

Okay?

If you

have someone

where you

love them

like a

brother and

a sister,

and then

through that

you start

to source

them in

discipleship,

you start

to teach

them what

Jesus has

commanded,

what ends

up happening

is you

start gaining

influence in

their life,

and maybe

they start

to relate

to you