Order

I am going to talk about our second word for the year.

I'm going to talk about order.

And there's a lot of definitions for the word order.

So it's one of these words that has multiple different meanings depending how it's used.

But I want to look at two different versions of the word or meanings of the word.

The first one would be order in the sense of priority, divine order.

We all have priorities.

The question is, are our priorities God's priorities?

Is the order of our priorities, the way we order the priorities of our life the same as what God wants us to?

So that's one way to look at order.

The other way to look at order is basically the opposite of disorder.

So if you have a bunch of chaos and messiness and just kind of everything's everywhere

and you just kind of don't know what's going on,

the opposite of that is what I'm talking about.

Okay, order.

Bringing order to chaos.

Bringing order to disorder.

So two different things.

They go together.

They're similar.

But kind of two different ways to look at order.

And either one will cause problems and either one is not the way God wants it to be.

Okay.

God wants us to revere his order, his priorities, divine order priorities.

And then I think when the kingdom of God comes, it always brings order.

It always brings order.

It always brings, God's word itself brings order into chaos.

I mean, we see this in the book of Genesis right there in the beginning.

And there's something about that.

No matter how, you know, obviously different people have different personalities too.

Birth order can affect this.

But, you know, we have different kind of tolerances of cleanliness or chaos or all these kind of things.

But there is something, I believe, that's inherently in all of us that loves when order is brought to chaos.

And I think it's because it's the kingdom of God.

The kingdom of God, when it comes, it's God's rule.

It's the way that God wants things done.

The priority at which he wants things done.

It's coming down to earth as it is in heaven.

And there's a reason why the kingdom of God is referred to in Romans chapter 14 as righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Romans 14 · chapter mention

When kingdom order comes, righteousness, peace, and joy come as well.

Amen?

Amen?

So that's what I mean by order.

That's what I mean by kind of the two portions of order that we want to focus on.

So let's start with just looking at a handful of verses giving us the biblical value for order.

Because I think we sometimes value order on a different scale.

Some of us value it more than others.

And we can develop a tolerance for disorder.

Right?

We can get so used to it, we don't even notice it anymore.

Right?

This is why we need the help of the body.

Because some of us, kind of the boiling of a frog, you know, slowly but surely, we ended up being comfortable to a certain degree with disorder or chaos.

And sometimes it can even go to the point where we're not just comfortable with it, we're actually dependent upon it.

Because it's so familiar to us, we feel like a fish out of water when we don't experience it.

That's not a good thing.

That's not a good thing.

We don't want to feel comfortable with a sense of disorder.

We should feel a little bit of a divine agitation that says, hey, this needs to be brought into order.

Okay?

And so, some of us are probably going to have to ask questions of other people.

And a little bit of advice, don't ask someone who's just as comfortable with disorder as you if there's disorder in your life.

I don't see anyone finding me.

Or someone who's more comfortable with disorder.

He's like, oh, your life is great, man.

I wish I could.

So, but I think you know what I mean.

You know, we can develop certain tolerances of that.

So, let's look at, so I think sometimes to combat these kind of mindsets or experiences we get with being comfortable with things that maybe we shouldn't be,

the best way to combat that is with the Word of God.

Okay?

So, let's just look at a few verses on what the Word of God says about order.

First one's in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

1 Corinthians 7 · chapter mention

He's speaking of marriage.

He's talking about multiple different scenarios of marriage.

And in verse 35 in chapter 7, he gives the reason for why he's saying things.

And he says, I say this to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Okay?

And so there you see him esteeming as the reason of why he's giving his counsel this kind of overarching theme that's in the Scriptures

and that's a part of the kingdom of God.

And it's this, to promote good order.

Like, that's a noble thing to do.

We should seek to promote good order.

And the things that we say to one another, just like Paul was saying to these guys in regards to marriage,

he said, hey, the reason I'm saying this to you is to promote good order.

So you can see that Paul's goal is to bring order.

And we should seek to do the same.

We should seek to bring and to promote good order.

It's interesting, even the word that he uses there, promote good order.

There are things, this is more than just bringing order in the moment.

This is just a way of thinking, talking, viewing things that is conducive to or promotes good order.

That's like a step further than just bringing order in the moment.

It's actually having a way that you are thinking and a way that you are aiming, okay, that promotes good order.

And so you've got to ask the question.

Listen, we have sometimes, sometimes we look at our lives and we say, oh, man, I could use more order in this particular area.

And you've got to ask the question, well, are the systems of my life that currently exist, are they promoting good order?

Or are they promoting disorder?

And so if you're aiming at order and you're saying, hey, I know I need to get more order in my life.

I know I need to do this.

Like this word is from the Lord.

Guilty.

Like I'm ready.

Let's do this.

Let's aim at this.

But the systems that you've set up in your life are promoting disorder.

You can have all the great intentions of the world.

You're still going to end up in the same spot.

That's why Paul says, hey, I say this to promote good order.

In other words, he's saying there's ways of thinking, doing and saying that promote good order.

And then there's ways that don't.

And so you've got to ask the question, do I just have desires without the systems or plans in place that would promote good order?

Because those two don't gel.

You've got to have both.

You've got to have both.

Okay.

Also in 1 Corinthians, in chapter 14, he's speaking of spiritual gifts.

It says, verse 39, he says, so my brothers earnestly desire to prophesy.

Do not forbid speaking in tongues.

But all things should be done decently and in order.

Right?

In order.

So here he's speaking of church meetings, gatherings.

He's, and I don't know, I'm sure a lot of you, maybe even all of you, have been in meetings with the spiritual gifts being exercised that were disorderly.

Okay?

So we know what that looks like.

A lot of us, maybe all of us.

And he's saying, hey, do these things.

Go after these things, but do them in order.

Again, it's this kind of overarching value that is this apostolic order that keeps being hit by Paul that, hey, yes, do multiple things.

Do a lot of things that could potentially be chaotic, but pay attention to order.

Pay attention to order.

He says all things should be done decently and in order.

And what happens is the reason he's saying that is because, and you'll see this later in the chapter,

is that when the spiritual gifts are used in order, people are edified.

Edification is the result of order.

Okay?

When things are ordered in the right priority, when things are ordered in the sense that they're not chaotic,

but they're used the way they were supposed to be used, there's edification.

People are growing and they're being built up.

And that's true of families as well.

It's true of families as well.

It's true of marriages.

It's true of households.

Okay?

Colossians 2 verse 5.

Colossians 2:5

This is in the CSB.

This is Paul writing to Colossians and he says,

I may be absent in body, but I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see how well ordered you are

and the strength of your faith in Christ.

Okay?

Rejoicing to see how well ordered you are.

So Paul is looking for someone.

He's doing his apostolic travels.

He's in and out.

He comes to Colossians.

He's going to be coming to them.

And he's saying that I'm rejoicing to see how orderly you are.

He's looking for something.

What's he looking for?

He's looking for order.

And not just any order.

He's saying, I'm rejoicing to see how orderly you are.

Like this is something you should strive after.

It increases sin.

How orderly are you?

How is order manifesting itself in your life together?

I delight to see how orderly you are.

How orderly are you?

How orderly are you in all the areas of your life?

Not just one.

Not just two.

But saying, hey, is there?

And sometimes we can hide behind areas where we're really good at bringing order

while being very deficient in other areas of order.

And we think, I'm cool.

I'm good.

Right?

But Paul says, I delight.

I enjoy to see how orderly you are.

We should do the same thing.

We should delight to see how orderly our own homes are and how we should delight in the

order of others.

And we should help one another.

We should challenge one another.

We should encourage one another.

And this is what Paul was doing.

Right?

He rejoiced to see how well-ordered they were and the strength of their faith in Christ.

Right?

And really those two go together.

Okay?

Well-ordered.

The only way you're going to do that is through faith in Christ.

Because one of the results of disorder is overwhelm-ness.

Right?

Disorder overwhelms.

Oftentimes we say that, oh, that person's overwhelmed because of so much, because they

have so much on their plate.

Usually not true.

Especially if all the things on the plate were from the Lord.

Most often, the overwhelm-ness is not due to the amount on the plate, but the lack of order

of the things on the plate.

Disorder causes you to be overwhelmed.

The more orderly your home is, the less overwhelmed the people in that home are.

Okay?

Disorder makes you feel this sense of you don't have peace.

That's why the kingdom of God is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.

You don't have joy.

You don't have peace.

Things aren't right.

Because they're not rightly ordered.

Okay?

And so, oftentimes, though, we can blame the amount of things we have.

Like I said before, though, the problem is, a lot of times those things that are on your

plate are actually ordained by the Lord.

Like kids.

You know, it's like, I can't handle these kids.

Really?

Really?

Is God's, oh, is God's grace not sufficient when it comes to your kids?

Is God's grace not sufficient when it comes to your finances?

Is God's grace not sufficient when it comes to your marriage?

Is God's grace not sufficient when it comes to your household, your job?

Is God's grace not sufficient?

Is it?

But I got a lot of stuff on my plate.

Yeah.

You do.

You do have a lot of stuff on your plate.

Yeah, I look around the room and I see a lot of people with a lot of stuff on their plate.

and sometimes I get overwhelmed for you.

You know, I think, oh my gosh,

it's not that long ago,

Gene and I were in the same stage

of raising up children

and trying to balance all the other things

and we had to do the same thing.

We had to see, you know,

people had to see how firm our faith was in Christ.

Do we believe that his grace is sufficient?

Do we believe that when we do things God's way,

it brings God's order

and when it brings God's order,

it brings God's peace?

Do we believe that?

Which just releases more grace.

It's hard to experience grace without peace.

That's why you always hear the phrase grace and peace too.

Those are kind of, they're hard to separate, right?

How do you separate grace and peace?

They very much go together, okay?

So he says, rejoicing to see how well ordered you are.

Titus chapter one, verse five.

Here you have Paul encouraging Titus,

who I believe is a young apostle,

kind of a protege of Paul's,

spiritual son of Paul's.

He says, this is why I left you in Crete,

so that you might put what remained in order,

into order,

and appoint elders in every town

as I directed you.

Put what remained into order, okay?

So this is one of the jobs of the Apostle gifting.

This is one of the jobs of elders,

is they bring order.

Why?

Because they have authority,

and authority is given to bring order.

Authority is given to build up.

And sometimes we waste our authority, okay?

Sometimes we waste our authority.

And sometimes we have unbelief around our authority.

We don't realize, you know,

oftentimes in marriage,

when people are having marriage problems,

people start to be tempted with different lies

about being able to deal with their spouse.

And one thing Gene and I will say oftentimes

in counseling with married couples

is that there's nobody on planet Earth

who's more grace to deal with your spouse than you.

And do you believe that?

Do you believe that?

Because when you believe it,

it really changes things, okay?

And, you know, I say that to husbands

with their whole families,

and it's just like, listen,

you're the guy.

You're the one God put in this family.

Like, you didn't,

God orchestrated this.

Do you believe that you have more grace than anybody,

that the authority that God gave you

is to bring order and to build up your family?

Like, we have to believe that.

And Paul had this desire

to put what remained into order,

where there was disorder,

where there was lacking,

the authority needed to bring things into order.

He said, hey,

put what remained into order.

It's interesting, even right now,

in our political situation,

the difference between leaders

and how leadership styles bring order

or bring disorder, right?

We've experienced,

there's multiple different leaders

over the years who've brought,

bad leaders bring more disorder.

Bad leaders,

whether they're political,

whether they're spiritual leaders,

whether they're family leaders,

business leaders,

when leaders are bad,

it just brings more disorder

and it makes,

it robs people of peace.

But when leaders are strong

and they bring good leadership,

it brings order.

And Paul's saying,

hey, I gotta,

I wanna put what remains into order,

so go appoint elders

in all these different cities.

One more verse

when it comes to biblical value for order.

One of my favorite verses

is 1 Samuel 2,

1 Samuel 2:30

verse 30.

There's this amazing statement

that says,

those who,

God is saying,

those who honor me,

I will honor.

Those who honor me,

I will honor.

And to me,

that's a verse about order.

You might say,

well, he's not talking about order there.

And I'm thinking,

well, I think he is.

So he's basically saying,

if you honor me

in the way that things are supposed to be,

I will honor you.

That just begs

such a great question to me.

And that is,

what does it look like

when God honors you?

Have you ever thought about that?

And I think it's righteousness,

peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.

I think it's order.

When you say,

God,

I'm going to pay attention

to what you esteem.

I am going to esteem

what you esteem.

I'm gonna aim at what you esteem.

I'm going to honor you.

And I know

that I have this promise

that if I honor you,

you're gonna honor me.

And that brings a sense

of peace and order

that like nothing else.

It's a difference

between us as Christians

and everyone else in the world.

We have this God

who cares so deeply about us

that he makes a statement like this.

That's an amazing statement to me.

I love that statement.

On the flip side,

it also says,

if you don't honor me,

then I'll disregard you.

So there's a sense of like,

hey,

you have to pay attention

to what God wants.

You have to pay attention

to what is right

and godly and esteemed.

And he promises,

if you do this,

I'll honor you in there.

Okay?

So,

I hope that gives

kind of more of just

a broad kind of thematic value

for order in the scriptures.

I think that's

just something

that's in the Bible

that we should esteem.

And some of us

need to esteem it

more than others.

Okay?

Some of us

have maybe gotten

too used to disorder

and chaos

and we need to

get things in order.

I believe God's

putting his finger on that.

He gave us that word

for a reason.

And the truth is,

there's certain aspects

of our life

where

it's a lot more,

disorder is a lot more

consequential

than other times.

Okay?

And really,

where that really comes true

is getting it right

on the front end

is really helpful

on the back end.

Especially in,

I mean,

just about everything.

Like,

if you get things

in order on the front end,

it's going to bear fruit

on the back end.

If you wait to bring order,

the back end becomes

a lot more difficult.

I mean,

have you ever said,

man,

I wish we would have

brought more order

to this before?

Wish we would have

brought more order

to our kids before.

Wish we would have,

now they're older

and it's like,

and we had more

and it's crazy.

Wish we would have

brought more order

to our marriage before

because we've developed

some really bad habits.

I wish we would have

brought more order

to our finances before

because now we're

in this kind of pit

and we're digging

ourselves out.

But if we would have

paid attention

to this earlier,

it would have been

a lot easier.

And so,

I'm not saying that

to condemn anyone

who feels like you're

in one of those pits.

Okay?

Or maybe a couple of them.

But,

let it be a lesson

that when you pay

attention to order

on the front end,

it bears fruit

down the road.

And that's why,

and sometimes

it's hard to have

the value for it

because a lot of times

it's not immediate

gratification.

It's,

and we love

immediate gratification.

But some things

when it comes to order

are,

you won't bear

the fruit of it

until a long time after.

You know,

like I was saying

this to Bellicose

last week,

you know,

I love it when people say,

hey,

I tried spanking

and it didn't work.

I'm like,

how old is your kid?

My kid's three.

I'm like,

well,

you're not done yet.

Like,

what do you,

what do you mean

you tried it

and didn't work?

You're not done.

And it's like,

well,

I've been doing it

for a while now.

It's just not working.

And it's like,

well,

you're on the front end

of this thing.

You got to keep going.

You got years left

of this.

You just got to be consistent

and it will bear fruit.

Why?

Because it's God's ways.

It's God's ways.

And so,

don't let disorder

come into your house

because you lack faith

in the ways of God

and in the principles

that God has set forth

as priority.

So,

one of the things

I think that is most important

when it comes to order

is this dynamic

of household priority.

Okay?

And I'm going to look at it

in 1 Timothy chapter 3

1 Timothy 3 · chapter mention

and then chapter 5.

But we'll start

in 1 Timothy chapter 3.

1 Timothy 3 · chapter mention

Can I get my water?

1 Timothy chapter 3

1 Timothy 3:4–5

verses 4 through 5.

It's talking about

the qualifications

of an elder.

And it says,

He must manage

his own household well

with all dignity

keeping his children

submissive.

For if someone

does not know

how to manage

his own household,

how will he care

for God's church?

So,

here you have an order.

Right?

He says,

if you don't know

how to manage

your own household,

how will you handle

the church?

We're talking

order priority.

First,

start with your own household.

Okay?

Verse 4,

right there in the beginning

he said,

He must manage

his own household well.

But he's talking

about two households.

Household of God

and their own household.

The priority

is their own household.

And this is where

I'm talking about

on the front end

and the back end.

On the front end,

it's your own household.

On the back end,

it's fruit in the household

of God.

But you've got to start here.

I've got to say,

one of the most

neglected things

in the order of priority

in the church,

especially when it comes

to leadership,

is this priority order

of household.

Why?

It's so straightforward

in the scriptures

and yet so often

we think,

oh no,

I just got to keep ministering.

I just got to be

a minister

while my family

and my own household

is not in order.

And why in the world

do I think I can bring

a household into the church

if I can't bring it

into my own home?

Why do we think that?

If you think that,

stop.

Please, stop.

It's wrong.

It's unbiblical.

If you're living

in some kind of delusion,

that's not how

God's kingdom works.

You have to get

your household.

And then when you,

when you're,

that's the training ground.

That is the microcosm

of the bigger.

Like when you can handle that,

it will,

it will do wonders

beyond that.

But what ends up happening

is we end up putting

a disproportionate time

into the church

without being able

to manage our own family.

Now,

I'm not telling you

about one or the other.

We do both in the,

but we do both

in the right order.

And that's the problem.

Sometimes we go to extremes.

Some people are like,

oh, I'm all in on the church

but I neglect my family.

And so then to correct,

people go all in on their family

and neglect the church.

No, it's both

but in the right order.

Don't go to extremes.

Just do right,

both in the right order.

And you've got to start

with your own household.

There's a reason he says

this is a qualification

for an elder

because if someone doesn't know

how to manage

his own household,

how will he care

for God's church?

Goes out in 1 Timothy 3,

1 Timothy 3:12

verse 12

and he talks about deacons.

And he says a similar thing.

He says,

let deacons each be

the husband of one wife

managing their children

and their own households well.

Do you manage

your own households well?

Are you managing it well?

And if you're not,

are you honest about it?

Because if you don't

get in the light on it,

like Zemir was talking about

when we shared

the Lord's table together,

if we don't get

in the light on that,

we have no fellowship.

We're not going to have

any growth.

We got to get in the light

in those areas where,

hey, I, yeah,

there's areas in my household

that aren't in order

and this shouldn't be a secret.

Why am I hiding these things?

I need help.

I need love.

I need fellowship.

He goes on in 1 Timothy 5

and he's talking about widows.

But you see the same concept

of household priority.

1 Timothy 5, verse 4.

1 Timothy 5:4

If a widow has children

or grandchildren,

let them first learn

to show godliness

to their what?

Their own household.

You see in this,

it's thematic here.

Let them first learn

to show godliness

to their own household

and to make some return

to their parents

for this is pleasing

in the sight of God.

She who is truly a widow

left all alone

has set her hope on God

and continues in supplications

and prayers night and day.

But she who is self-indulgent

is dead even while she lives.

Command these things as well

so that they may be without reproach.

Verse 8.

But if anyone does not provide

for his relatives

and especially for members

of his own household,

he has denied the faith

and is worse than an unbeliever.

Some pretty strong language there.

Why would the Bible,

doesn't that seem a little extreme?

Denied the faith

and is worse than an unbeliever?

I mean,

doesn't that kind of feel

like a little out of place?

Like,

we would kind of cruise him along

there good talking about widows

and then he just throws

that bomb in there?

It's just like,

hey,

just say,

oh,

if you don't take care of,

if you don't take care

of the members of your household,

you've denied the faith

and are worse than an unbeliever.

It's like,

whoa,

where did that come from?

We should take notice.

This is serious.

This is serious.

If anyone does not provide

for his relatives,

especially for members

of his household,

God cares about

the divine priority

of household.

He has denied the faith

and is worse than an unbeliever.

Verse 9,

let a widow be enrolled

if she is not less than

six years of age,

have been the wife

of one husband

and having a reputation

for good works.

She has brought up children,

has shown hospitality,

has washed the feet

of the saints,

has cared for the afflicted,

has devoted herself

to every good work,

but refused to enroll

younger widows

for when their passions

draw them away from Christ,

they desire to marry

and so incur condemnation

for having abandoned

their former faith.

Besides that,

they learn to be idlers,

going about from house to house,

not only idlers,

but also gossips

and busybodies

saying what they should not.

So then in verse 14,

he brings this all

to conclusion.

What does he say?

So I would have younger widows

marry,

bear children,

and manage their households

and give the adversary

no occasion for slander

for some have already

strayed after Satan.

If any believing woman

has relatives who are widows,

let her care for them.

Let the church not be burdened

so that it may care

for those who are truly widows.

Again, you see,

I'm just saying,

hey, if you've got widows

in your family,

don't have the church

take care of them.

You take care

of your household first.

You take care

of the household first.

To me,

the pages of

1 Timothy 3 and 5

are screaming out

household first,

household first,

household first.

Let me ask you,

where's your household?

Where's your household?

Where is it

in the order of priority?

Is it above the things

that seem to be more fun

than ordering your household?

Is it

a priority so much

so that you're consistent

in it?

That you give time to it

in such a way that,

hey, this is important

to me and my family.

This is important

to me as a single person

who has a household.

Like, I want my household

in order.

I want my household

prioritized.

I want my household

to be a place

where I'm creating

a harmonious

and systematic

arrangement

in the household

where things are

in their proper place

and activities

are carried out

efficiently and effectively.

Right?

I want that kind

of harmony

in my home.

Where is that

as a priority?

Where is that

as a consistency?

I think the Bible

is very clear

that your household

has to be first.

and I love

the,

the,

the,

uh,

like,

one of my favorite quotes

is, uh,

Roosevelt talking about

the man in the arena

and how the critics

who aren't in the arena

who like to criticize

the people who aren't

in the arena

and not being like

those cold and timid souls

who neither know

victory nor defeat.

I love that quote

because I,

I hate when people

criticize people

who are in the arena.

It's like,

you get in the arena

and you see how it is

before you criticize.

And one thing I can say

about all of you

who came to this church

together,

you're in the arena.

I love you guys.

You guys are my,

like,

I'm rooting for this church

because you guys

got out there and did it.

So I'm going to be

the last person

to say,

to bring this

harsh critique,

but I am going to say

in your love for the church,

make sure that your

household is first

so that you can be

for the church.

I love that you jumped

out there and did this.

I love that you

left comfort

and friendships

and established church

to come and do this church.

But please remember

to do household first

and do both

in the right order.

Okay?

But do household first.

We have to do that.

Okay?

There's no other way

to do a healthy church plant.

That's why it's so important

to say,

I'm going to say it

really clearly.

Please listen to me on this.

If you don't hear anything else,

hear this.

If we don't do household first

before church,

we'll never have

a healthy church.

We won't.

Because it's out of order.

God doesn't bless that.

God does not bless that.

Are you hearing me on this?

Like, this is important.

And again,

that's not me criticizing.

I'm saying,

you're my people.

You stepped out

and said,

we're going to do this.

Praise God for you.

I love you.

Right?

But know what that means.

That doesn't just mean,

oh,

we got this little storefront

in Raytown

and, you know,

we're making it happen.

No,

it means

I got to do the work

of putting my household first

so that this church

can be healthy.

You see what I'm saying?

Like,

that is the work.

You say,

oh no,

the work is evangelism.

Of course it's evangelism.

But if you're doing

a bunch of evangelism

and your household's

not in order,

there's not going to be

good fruit in that.

Right?

So I know the work

is preaching and teaching

and doing discipleship.

Of course it is.

But if you're not

taking care of first

discipling and raising

up your own family,

it ain't going to happen.

Okay?

The work is building up

the house of God.

Of course it is.

But if you can't even

handle your own house,

your own household,

how in the world

do you take care

of the church?

Paul says he can.

Right?

So,

this is why I think

this is so important.

And I hope you can hear

the dual kind of language

that I'm using

where you can say,

I'm proud of you

for stepping out.

And I'm rooting

for every single one of you

and for us together

to do this

and see a healthy church.

And I believe

we're going to.

But there's only one way.

Like,

there's no way.

You can't get around

this thing.

Okay?

So what does that

look like practically?

Well,

number one,

we've got to

prioritize God.

It's the obvious one,

right?

You know,

it's just,

it's obvious.

But it's so neglected.

It's saying,

is God my first priority?

And have I planned it in?

Have I planned it in?

The busier you get,

the more you've got to plan.

You may say,

well,

I'm not a planner.

I like just kind of

going by that seat,

you know,

flying by the seat

of my own pants.

You know,

I just like that.

It's cool.

It's fun.

It's like,

yeah,

you're too busy for that.

Maybe that worked

when you were single

or when you,

you know,

you didn't have

as much responsibilities

or maybe

when you were single

with less responsibilities,

now you're single

with a ton of responsibilities

or you're married

with a bunch of responsibilities.

You've got a bunch of kids.

You've got jobs,

business,

all this stuff,

whatever it may be,

church.

And you said,

but I like to do that.

That's the way I like it.

Well,

I'm sorry.

You're not good at it.

You're not good at it

and someone needs to tell you,

right?

Maybe you used to be,

but you're not anymore.

The more things

have gotten to your plate,

the more it requires

you to order your life,

order your priorities,

plan things.

And that's true with God.

Most often,

what's the thing that goes?

Prayer.

Prayer.

Sitting at the feet of Jesus.

It's Luke 10,

right?

Mary has chosen what is better

and it will not be taken away from her.

What did she do?

She sat at the feet of Jesus

and listened.

This is the kind of love

that God is highest

in divine order,

right?

Sitting at,

tell my sister to help me,

right?

It's like,

well,

yeah,

someone's got to make the food.

We can't all just sit

at the feet of Jesus

and no one would eat,

right?

But she chose

what was better.

And it's easy to choose

the service

and the making the food

and to never sit

at Jesus' feet

and listen.

And that's a mistake.

We've got to prioritize that.

We've got to prioritize that.

We've got to plan it in.

We've got to plan it in.

If we don't plan it,

it's just not going to happen.

If you don't plan your life,

someone else will be

more than happy

to plan it for you.

Number two,

practical.

If you're married,

I'm going to bring order

to our marriages,

okay?

Where we prioritize

our marriage

in the right order.

I have this kind of

working theory

that every woman

who's married

is tempted periodically,

if not very often,

to believe either

that her husband

doesn't care more

about her

than himself

or that

he doesn't care

about anything.

But that is a

constant thread

in most wives,

if not all wives,

that they're tempted

to believe that.

And so as husbands,

what are you going to do

about it?

Because that's real.

And a lot of times

they're tempted

to think that

because of you,

because of me,

right?

We're giving them reasons.

And I've been asking

guys this recently.

What are the things

that are,

when you're away

at work during the day

and your wife's at home,

what are the things

that are speaking to her

that you care more

about yourself than her?

I asked a couple guys

this the other day

and the one guy said,

oh, it's my baseboards.

Like, what do you mean?

Well, my wife really wanted

me to get these baseboards done.

I haven't got them done forever.

And I'm like, yeah,

your baseboards are speaking

to your wife all day,

every day.

He loves himself

more than you.

I asked the other guy,

he said, oh,

it's my backsplash.

My backsplash.

I'm like, yeah,

your backsplash

is speaking to your wife

every day.

Every day she's in the kitchen.

She looks over

at the backsplash.

That's not done.

And it's just,

the backsplash

is just shouting to her.

He cares more

about himself than you.

That's real.

It is real.

So what are the things,

your husband,

guys,

what are the things

that you've left

that you haven't done

that are speaking

to your wife?

Hey,

I care more

about myself than you.

You don't want anything

speaking to your wife

while you're gone.

Okay?

Number one.

But you can do something

about that.

We can do something

about that.

And it goes both ways too.

I'm not just picking

on the husbands.

There's things that wives

can do as well

that I've been asked

to do and should do.

But we don't want

those things

to be in the way.

And sometimes we,

there's things like that

that we let go

for way too long.

Right?

We all do this.

We all do this.

And we have to

get serious about saying,

all right,

I'm not going to do this anymore.

That's bringing order

to our marriage.

Right?

What about children?

Bringing order

to the children.

Looks like obedience.

Looks like order

in the home.

It looks like respect.

Okay?

When you say

for your kids

to do something

and then they don't do it

and you don't do anything

about it,

you're teaching your kids

to disobey.

Do you realize that?

That's literally,

when you don't enforce

your authority,

you're subtly telling them,

oh, you can get away with this.

It's totally cool.

I'm not going to do

anything about it.

And every little kid

is looking

to see how much

you'll give them.

That's what kids do.

They're constantly looking.

Got a little eye contact

for some kids here.

That's good.

They're always looking

like,

what can I get away with?

What can I get away with?

Like,

this is built into them.

Their sinful nature.

And if you let them

get away with it,

oh,

that's like

a green light for them.

Whoa!

He didn't do anything.

Mom didn't do anything.

I can do this.

So you're literally,

we don't think

about it that way,

but often we are

teaching our kids

to disobey

by not enforcing

our rule and authority.

Okay?

Another thing

that's just a practical.

It amazes me nowadays

how often kids

say no to their parents

and the parents

have a conversation

after that.

It's like,

no conversation

with your kids,

especially your little kids,

should ever start

with them saying

the word no.

Like,

that's the end

of the conversation.

Do you understand?

Like,

that's not a time

to start a conversation.

Hi is a way

to start a conversation.

Okay?

Not no.

My son or daughter

just said no to me.

I think I'm going

to talk to him about it.

How do you feel?

Do you feel like

you're not doing too well?

You know,

no,

there's no conversation.

There's no talking

about their feelings.

They're about to feel

something else.

They should feel

something else real quick.

Like,

there should be

a zero no policy

in your homes.

And the amount

of young parents

I see now

where it's like,

they say something

and the kid says no

and I'm thinking,

what's going on here?

You don't say no

to your parents.

And then like,

the parent,

the parent just

has a conversation.

Like,

no,

don't talk to them.

Go discipline them.

Go discipline them.

This is not

a conversation starter.

No is never

a conversation starter

with your kid.

Okay?

Very important.

Takes a lot

of consistency.

There's,

parenting,

disciplining your kids

is one of the most

difficult things

because of the level

of consistency

it requires.

And,

that's why we need

people in our life

who can even say to us,

hey,

you're not being consistent.

Gene and I had

many young friends

who were raising kids

at the same time

as us

and we'd finish

the night together

and as we're walking

out the door

putting our coats on,

one of them would grab

and say,

hey,

you know,

you said no

to your kid a lot tonight

and never got up

to discipline them.

Ouch.

You're right.

It's totally true.

I've been really tired lately.

Well,

we're all tired.

Be consistent.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I appreciate that.

You're totally right.

You're totally right.

I did do that a lot tonight

and I've been lazy.

I need to be more consistent.

You have people

that do that.

Do you do that

with other people?

Do they do that to you?

This church needs

to create a culture

like that.

Okay?

We need to teach

our kids how to sit.

Listen,

if you're primarily

teaching your kids

to sit,

to obey,

and to respect

in public settings,

you're doing it wrong.

You're doing it wrong.

Now,

you do have to do it

in public settings,

but that should be

the overflow

of what you're doing

at home.

And it is the overflow

of what you're doing

at home.

And sometimes

it ain't pretty.

You know?

I remember a time

when I was like,

Elijah used to wiggle

all the time

and he'd sit with me

and I'd be like,

I'm winning this battle today.

And I got up

and left in church

so many times

and spanked him

because every time

he wouldn't sit

on my lap.

Oh,

look at him.

He sits so great.

Isn't that awesome?

But I just kept

being consistent

with him.

Right?

But,

yes,

I did it in that meeting,

but,

like,

that's not,

if I'm just doing it

in that meeting,

this is going to be

a long,

hard battle.

I need to do this

at home.

I need to teach him

how to sit on my lap

at some times at home

where it's just like,

hey,

bud,

you're just going

to sit on my lap

and you're not going

to wiggle and get off.

And if you do,

you're going to get spanked.

Like,

you're just going

to sit on my lap.

Right?

The other thing

is teaching our kids

to respect other adults.

Okay?

It's not okay

if your kids

say things like,

well,

I don't have to listen

to you,

not my dad.

Well,

yes,

like,

if your parents are,

if some other person

is overstepping

their authority,

that's fine.

But a lot of times

it's just like,

hey,

stop hinting Susie

or whatever.

It's like,

I don't have to listen

to you.

It's like,

whoa,

okay.

That's not good.

We don't want to create

kids to respect adults.

And when they say things like,

hey,

we're going to go sit down now

or hey,

stop hitting,

you know,

little Susie,

little Johnny.

It's always little Susie

and little Johnny

if you don't know that.

That's always the example.

But teaching our kids

to respect,

right?

That's really important.

We had a friend

whose kid,

whenever they'd walk

in the door,

he'd walk up

and he'd kick me.

And the dad would never

do anything about it.

And man,

I started to not like the kid.

Was that the kid's fault

ultimately?

Yes,

the kid has a fault

for kicking.

He shouldn't kick.

But this is a little kid.

His dad was teaching him

it was okay

because he'd never do anything

when this kid would walk up

and kick me.

Right?

We need to teach our kids

to respect other kids.

It's order.

You're bringing order

in your home.

Okay?

You have husbands

who say,

man,

my wife's always so overwhelmed

when I get home.

What are you doing

to lead and to bring order

in that home?

How are you setting up

systems and things

in place

so that there can be order?

Lastly,

practical yourself.

Bring order to your

sex life,

your sexual desires

and rightly ordering them.

Bring order to your feelings.

Right?

It's just like,

I'm going to let my feelings rule me.

I'm going to put them

in right order.

Bring order to your finances.

Finances can really

unsettle a home

and bring a lot of disorder.

And it means that you're going to have

to say no to stuff.

Gina,

I've been talking about this

a lot lately.

Nowadays,

everybody wants,

thinks that they can have everything.

Like,

I can just,

I can,

they look at other people

and they say,

well,

they have it

so I can have it.

They have this,

I can have that.

And we never want to say no

to anything.

Well,

to bring order,

you have to say no

to certain things,

especially with finances.

Especially with finances.

You know how often it is

that people end up

getting in financial vines

where something happens,

it's an emergency

and a big ticket item

can't be purchased.

And you know what the reason is

why they need help

in that moment?

It's because they didn't say no

to the little things

over the course

of the year before.

And so they don't have

anything in savings.

They weren't planning ahead

for something that could happen

like a car breaking down.

Which happens often,

trust me.

I've dealt with so many people

who've had broken down cars

and it's always interesting

to see how people prepare.

Now I get things happen

that are out of control

and we all need help on that.

I've needed help on that.

Other people have.

I'm not talking about that.

I'm talking about

when those things happen

and they could have been prevented

but we didn't say no

to things that we wanted

for a long time

so that we weren't prepared

to deal with the emergency situation

that comes up.

That's because our finances

are out of order.

That's because our finances

are out of order.

And a lot of times

we don't think of that

because we think,

oh,

I was living within my means

all that time.

Yeah,

but you weren't thinking

about the future at all.

Did you think

that your vehicle

was going to last forever?

Did you think

that your kids

weren't going to eat more?

You know,

did you think

that something in your house

that you bought

wasn't going to break?

Like,

these things happen

and so we have to say no

to things.

Sometimes we have to work jobs

we don't want to work.

Well,

I really like this job.

Well,

so what?

Your job doesn't pay enough.

You need to get a different job.

Like,

we have to say no

to some things sometimes.

Right?

And just say,

I mean,

I've had to do that

multiple times.

So many times

I've had conversations

with bosses

who talk about pay

and I'm just like,

hey,

listen,

this honestly has nothing

to do with you or me.

This has to do with the fact

that I have this many kids.

I have this house payment.

This is my budget

and if you can't pay me

the amount that I need,

this has,

this is,

there's nothing personal

about this

and it has nothing

to do with this job.

I have to pay my bills.

I mean,

I would say that

to my bosses.

I'm like,

trust me,

I actually like working here.

I would love to keep working here

but if you can't pay me more,

I'm out of here

because like,

if this,

our relationship

is totally based on

me doing a service

for you

and you paying me

and if the amount

you pay me

isn't more than my expenses,

we got a problem

and it's not personal.

It's not personal.

It's just reality

because like people would,

bosses would try

to pull this stuff

like,

oh,

we're doing everything

we can.

I'm like,

listen,

that's fine

but what you're doing

isn't enough

and so you're either

telling me

you want me to go

find another job

because I need more money

or you're going to

make something happen.

That's really what

this is about.

This is a business

relationship.

So let's just figure this out

because that's why

I work here,

to pay my bills

and to have a little extra

so I can save

for an emergency

and so don't make it personal.

We need to get

our finances order.

We need to get

our life in order

in a personal way

by our maturity,

by growing in maturity,

not staying a child

in specific areas,

by being consistent,

sometimes by leaving money

on the table

for other priorities.

Sometimes the temptation

isn't to live

beyond our means,

sometimes the temptation

is all the opportunities

to make more money

when it would take time

away from the things

that we need to bring

order and leadership

to in our families.

Sometimes you've got

to leave money

on the table

to bring order

to your life

and to your family.

You need to look

for these things.

In conclusion,

what's your plan?

What's your plan

to bring order?

If you know

that there's a particular

area where you need

to bring order

in your life,

what's your plan?

Okay?

Do your brothers

and sisters know your plan?

Does your spouse

know your plan?

Is it clear?

Is it realistic?

Has it been tested?

What's your plan?

Let's get into order.

I close with 2 Timothy 2,

20 to 21.

Now in a great house,

which are not only

vessels of gold

and silver,

but also of wood

and clay.

Some for honorable use,

some for dishonorable.

Therefore,

if anyone cleanses

himself from what

is dishonorable,

he will be a vessel

for honorable use,

set apart as holy,

useful to the master

of the house,

ready for every good work.

The way we become

vessels of honor

is bringing our homes,

our households,

our lives into order.

Amen?

Let's be vessels of honor

that God wants us to be.

I'm going to close in prayer

and we'll close

with a song or two.

And we'll close in prayer