Familial Home Hospitality

Today I'm going to talk to you about familial home hospitality.

! Familial home hospitality.

We were praying about what to focus on was the word family.

And so as we focus on family and hospitality, please notice the emphasis on the home and the role of the home in that.

Okay?

So speaking of family, a great verse on this is 1 Timothy chapter 5, 1 and 2.

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

Read this actually from the NIV.

It says,

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father.

And then it says,

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with absolute purity.

Okay?

So he's saying you need to treat people in the church as family.

Right?

Older father, older mothers, and then brothers and sisters for those.

Okay?

So it's like, don't just treat them as anything.

It needs to be very specific.

The Bible tells us to treat one another as family.

Okay?

And thinking about family, I've been thinking about this a lot lately,

and thinking about how we as a church can grow and being a spiritual family to one another.

Thinking about what are all the dynamics with that?

What are the things that can help with that?

What are things that can hurt with that?

And one of the things I'm thinking about when I'm just thinking about the concept of family is three things.

One, I've talked about this with some of you, but I'll just bring this up again.

Family is number one.

Family, the concept of family, the experience of family is easily consumed.

Right?

One of the reasons it's easily consumed is because it's typically an enjoyable thing for people.

People long to be in good, healthy families.

So every one of us can easily consume family.

Number two, it's a little bit more difficult to contribute to family.

Okay?

Where you're actually contributing to the experience, a healthy experience of what family is.

And then third, it's very costly to create the experience of family.

Okay?

So you can consume it, you can contribute to it, or you can create it.

And creating things, we all love to consume things people create.

But the amount of people who actually create things is very few.

It's interesting.

I think it's those X fans or Twitter fans out there.

I'm pretty sure it's something like less than 10% of the people on there create all of the content.

And most of the people just consume it.

You think of TV.

Think about all the people that consume TV.

And it's just created by a few people.

You know?

Think of all kinds of things.

You think of all the things we consume.

It's not like most people are creating those things.

It's actually most people are consuming those things.

And it's no different with family.

We all want to consume the experience of family.

Some of us go a little further and we say, you know what?

I don't know if I just want to consume it, but I want to contribute to it.

Make it better.

Make it more of a less one-person experience, but just like a fully-orbed experience.

But then it's a whole other dynamic.

It's a costly dynamic to be someone who creates it.

And it's also difficult.

It's not always easy.

Okay?

And so everyone has consumed family to a certain degree.

Some of us have contributed to an experience of family, but few create an experience of family.

Now think about your relationship to spiritual family and ask the question, are you primarily a consumer, a contributor, or a creator when it comes to spiritual family?

I want you to think about that with yourself.

How would you categorize yourself in that?

Are you someone who is actually creating this or are you just consuming and contributing to it?

But thinking about being a creator of family, it begs the question, can we create family without the use of homes?

Can we create an experience of family without the use of homes?

Healthy, familial church experience, I would say, always includes the use of homes.

I mean, you assume that families share a home together, right?

If you hear of a family, no one has to say, hey, we're a family.

And get this, we also live together.

Whoa, really?

I would have never thought that, you know?

No, everybody assumes that.

Oh, you're a family?

I assume you live together.

I assume you share a home.

That home is the thing that you primarily use to get your experience of family.

That's where family happens.

Like, no one's surprised by that.

You assume that.

That's, you know, the typical assumption, right?

The concept of home is inseparable from the concept of family, with each shaping and reinforcing the other.

A house is typically the central hub for family life, okay?

Even listen to Jesus when he was a young man.

I think he was 12 years old.

In the NASB, in Luke 2.49, they're looking for Jesus because they had lost him.

Got to be a stressful time when you lose the Son of God, right?

Okay, you have one responsibility.

Take care of God, okay?

We lost him!

So Luke 2.49, they find him, and he says to them,

Why is it that you were looking for me?

Did you not know that I had to be in my Father's house?

My Father's house.

So Jesus apparently understood this concept, apparently better than his earthly parents as well,

because they're like, what are you doing?

Man, we've been looking all over for you for days.

Don't you know that I had to be in my Father's house?

Don't you know that an experience of family is tied to house?

Like, those go together?

If I'm an experienced family with my Father, I want to be in his house.

Do you see the connection there?

You see that right there with Jesus.

So if you think about a healthy home experience,

healthy home experiences foster a bunch of things.

Let's look at a handful of them, right?

Healthy home experiences foster quality of relationships, okay?

When the house is used well, it creates quality in relationships.

It also fosters an atmosphere of belonging, okay?

An atmosphere of belonging.

So this looks more like where people feel safety, security, acceptance, warmth, right?

That's how you think of a family, a good family experience in a home, is this sense of belonging.

And you think of this, obviously, with like a natural family.

You hope if it's healthy, then that everyone feels like they belong.

But when you think of this extended to like a spiritual family,

it makes people who aren't a part of the family feel this sense of warmth and comfort.

And it makes them feel like I belong, right?

What a beautiful thing when people who don't have that sense of family get to experience it in the church

because of how one would use their home, right?

Creates an atmosphere of belonging.

Another thing that healthy home experiences foster is shared experiences, okay?

Shared experiences.

So whether it's a meal together, whether it's really good conversations,

or maybe a particular act of care that happens in the home, right?

These kind of things, these shared experiences help you feel closer together,

help you feel more like family.

One thing you have to be careful of when you get real tight relationships and familiar experience

to those that makes people feel outside of the ones who are inside is what we call an inside joke, right?

Real close people or family, you have jokes that only the people on the inside get.

And when you tell the inside joke, what does it do with the people who are inside?

Yes, it makes them laugh, but it also makes them feel more inside, right?

It makes you feel like, wow, we got this kind of secret thing going.

We got this thing.

This is our story.

This is our joke.

And it makes people on the outside actually feel more strange because it's like, oh, they have something I don't have.

I don't get it.

I don't get the joke.

I don't get what they're saying.

But it actually makes the people inside feel closer together.

So there's this sense of shared experiences, even to the point of inside jokes.

You know, when you start having inside jokes with each other, it's like, oh, we're starting to be more like a family.

Like we have these inside things.

And what it is, basically, most inside jokes are based on some kind of shared common experience that was funny that you had with one another.

You know?

And so you rib someone for that.

You kind of tease someone for that.

And like, what's so funny about that?

Well, and then to bring someone in, you say, well, one time when we were doing this, so-and-so did this.

And everybody laughs.

It's like, oh, okay, I get it now.

And now you're in on the joke.

And then you feel it together.

But if you can experience those things together, a home is a place to create those experiences together.

Which leads me to the next thing that healthy home experiences foster is a sense of meaningful memories.

Okay?

Meaningful memories.

There's something about a healthy home life where you have all these memories.

In fact, when you look at old pictures and you see, you know, even parts of the home, you just think, oh, wow.

I remember that living room.

I remember, you know, when we, we remember that one night when we did this.

And I remember that night in the kitchen when we were all cooking together and we forgot about what was in the oven and it burnt.

And then the stove caught on fire.

You know what I mean?

It's like, so not all meaningful experiences are like good experiences, but they, the, the things you remember, these meaningful memories, it's where we get the word nostalgia from.

Right?

Certain things cause nostalgia.

Nostalgic memories when they're experienced together are really powerful.

Right?

I was listening the other day.

It's warm out.

I like to listen to like some old throwback summer music from back when I was in high school.

And I actually started remembering a friend of mine that I haven't thought about in many, many years.

Because that song made me think of him.

Because we used to listen to that song together.

And so, so we had a shared memory together with that song.

And then I thought of all these other memories we had together.

Some good, some not so good.

But that's nostalgia.

Those are the kind of things.

And when we create, and there's, there's, meaningful memories get created just because life is full of meaningful memories.

But there are people who are able to more intentionally create meaningful memories with people.

And that's the kind of people we want to be.

Because we want to bring people into that.

We want people to experience a sense of family together.

And families have meaningful memories together.

And healthy families have good, meaningful memories together.

We all have memories together with families.

Some of them not so meaningful.

Some of them not so great.

Some of them we'd love to forget.

Right?

But we want to create healthy ones.

That's the goal together.

And then lastly, healthy home experiences foster emotional bonds.

Where it's like there's this emotional connection.

It's not a rigid forced connection.

There's real emotional connection because of all these other things.

Right?

We've shared things together.

We have quality relationship.

We have a sense of belonging.

We have good memories.

And so what it does is it creates these emotional bonds with one another.

Where we like being with each other.

We enjoy being with each other.

And there's a sense and a feeling of connection.

Okay?

And this really goes to, you know, the mission of our church is the kingdom of God in all of life together.

This whole thing of familial home hospitality speaks to the all of life portion.

Which we talk about having open homes or open hearts, open homes, and open schedules.

Why those three things?

Because those things are so conducive to a sense of church as family.

To a sense of belonging that we want to bring to people who don't have that.

Okay?

If you look at Acts chapter 2, verses 46 to 47.

Acts 2:46–47

The early church.

What were they doing?

Were they just meeting in buildings?

Let's take a look.

Acts 2, 46 to 47.

Mind you, this is thousands of people.

Okay?

Day by day, tending the temple together.

Larger gatherings.

And breaking bread in their homes.

They received their food with glad and generous hearts.

Praising God and having favor with all the people.

And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

Okay?

Now, a lot of times when you see people meeting in homes, you know, all the host church champions

who are like, oh, get out of your big building.

We just need to be in homes, man.

You know?

I was one of those guys at one point in time.

But if you look at the verses where those, because there are many verses that talk about

church meeting in home, but this is at the beginning of the church.

Many of those are just because that's how big the church was at the time.

It was brand new.

They could fit in a home.

Not so in Jerusalem, though.

Not here in Acts chapter 2.

Acts 2 · chapter mention

We're talking about thousands of people here.

So there's a lot of people gathered here.

But that didn't keep them from meeting in homes.

It's not like, oh, you only meet in homes when you're small.

I think you could see here that, no, day to day they didn't just meet in the temple together

in a larger setting, but they broke bread in their homes.

The use of the home is central to familial church experience.

It's central.

Let's think of an example of this.

What about in Jesus's life?

Did Jesus have a home that he liked to go to?

I think he did.

I think it was in a city called Bethany.

Are you familiar with this?

Luke chapter 10 talks about this.

Luke 10 · chapter mention

I think it's John chapter 11 and 12 talks about this.

John 11 · chapter mention

Start in Luke 10, 38 to 42.

It says, as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village.

This is the village of Bethany.

And it says, and a woman named Martha welcomed him.

How do you think she welcomed him?

Into her house.

All right.

Jesus entered a village and a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house.

And she had a sister called Mary who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching.

But Martha was distracted with much serving.

You know the rest of the story.

Getting a little tiff there.

Like, Jesus, tell her.

She needs to help me.

All right.

But you see some dynamics here.

One, Martha invited Jesus into her home.

Okay.

And good hospitality does two things.

I know Martha always gets demonized.

It didn't say that Martha was doing bad things.

It just said Martha was out of order.

Her priorities weren't right.

But someone's got to make the food.

Right?

It's not like we're all just going to sit here and starve and listen to Jesus.

No, we're going to eat and listen to Jesus.

We're just going to do one and one's more important than the other.

And so good hospitality involves listening.

But it also involves creating a home where you're making meals and preparing things.

All right?

And apparently Jesus likes hanging around with this crew.

How do we know that?

Well, let's look at John chapter 11.

John 11 · chapter mention

Starting verse 1.

It says a certain man was ill.

Lazarus of Bethany.

The village of Mary and her sister Martha.

It was Mary who anointed the Lord with ointment and wiped his feet with her hair.

His brother Lazarus was ill.

Verse 3.

So the sister sent to him saying,

Lord, he whom you love is ill.

Interesting phraseology there.

Right?

The only other time John uses that language is when he refers to himself.

It's always interesting.

The disciple Jesus loves.

But he also refers to Lazarus.

And it says,

So the sister sent to him saying,

Lord, he whom you love is ill.

Apparently, there was some kind of reputation with Jesus and Lazarus that he was really into this guy.

They must have been good friends.

They must have had a close relationship.

Right?

When Jesus heard it, he said,

This illness does not lead to death.

It is for the glory of God.

So that the Son of God may be glorified through it.

Now Jesus, here again you see verse 5.

Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.

So there must have been a particular warm spot in Jesus' experience on earth in this particular home with this particular people.

And mind you, it happened in a home.

Happened in a home.

John 11.11 refers to Lazarus as our friend.

And then John 11.36, after Jesus came to him, it says,

Jesus wept and the Jews said,

See how he loved him.

Okay?

So there's this affection there.

Later in John chapter 12, after Lazarus had been raised from the dead,

John 12 · chapter mention

John chapter 12, starting in verse 1, says,

John 12 · chapter mention

This is where Mary takes a pound of expensive ointment made from pure nard and anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped his feet with their hair.

The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume.

So they gave a dinner for him there.

Martha served and Lazarus was one of those reclining with him at table.

Sounds like this was a comfortable atmosphere.

Sounds like this was a place that they were used to being.

Sounds like this was probably a place Jesus liked to be.

What a concept to create a hospitality for Jesus.

To create a home for Jesus.

And, you know, we're going to look at that more in a second.

But I think it's important for us to think of that, but also think that what is the driving factor for that?

Like, how do we create an atmosphere where we welcome like that?

Well, Romans 15, 7 says,

Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you for the glory of God.

Okay?

So there's a way to welcome as Christ has welcomed.

That's our model.

That's the impetus.

That's our reference point.

It's like, how do we welcome people?

Well, you welcome people as Christ has welcomed you.

The ultimate act of hospitality is seen in God welcoming believers into his family through Christ,

which serves as a foundation and motivation for Christians to open their homes and lives to others.

Opening homes makes people feel like a part of the family rather than outsiders.

Okay?

That's why he says,

Welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you for the glory of God.

So a good question would be, how has he welcomed us?

I love Luke 6, 35.

He says,

Love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great.

And you'll be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil.

The other version says, to the ungrateful and the wicked.

Okay?

He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

And sometimes you say,

Ah, man, I just, it's so hard to be hospitable because a lot of times people aren't grateful.

Sometimes people are selfish, mean, they break stuff.

You could actually say that maybe they're ungrateful and wicked.

Well, who's kind to the ungrateful and wicked?

And who was ungrateful and wicked?

We were.

And Jesus didn't say, well, I'm not letting them in.

He actually came to us while we were ungrateful and wicked.

While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, it says in Romans 5.

And he welcomed us.

He welcomed us into his family.

He welcomed us into his father's house.

Right?

He welcomed us.

He made us feel like children because he gave us the right to be called the children of God.

Right?

He's kindly ungrateful and wicked.

How are we when it comes to ungrateful people and wicked people who might be in our home?

Do we welcome them as Christ has welcomed us?

That's our impetus.

We see another, and it says,

Give expecting nothing in return in your world would be great.

Some hospitality, some experiences of home familial, attempts at familial home hospitality,

some of them are more immediately rewarding.

Right?

Oh, wow.

This is really enjoyable.

There's a good reciprocation of love, joy, you know, all this kind of stuff.

Right?

And then others are less so.

Not very immediately rewarding.

And so how do you deal with that?

Well, you give expecting nothing in return because your reward will be great.

Your reward is in heaven.

Okay?

You see another example, this kind of hospitality with Jesus in Matthew chapter 9, starting verse

Matthew 9 · chapter mention

10.

It says, Well, Jesus was having dinner at Matthew's house.

Okay?

This is right after he called Matthew to follow him.

And then he's having dinner at Matthew's house.

Many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples.

So here Jesus is, the rabbi, the teacher, the holy man.

And he's eating with tax collectors.

This is like the lowest of the low.

Nobody liked tax collectors.

And sinners.

And they're eating with him and his disciples.

And when the Pharisees saw this, they said, they asked his disciples, Why does your teacher

eat with tax collectors and sinners?

Why would he do that?

You know?

And on hearing this, Jesus said, It's not the healthy you need a doctor, but the sick.

Okay?

So this is why we don't just show hospitality and open our home to people that are easy.

Those aren't the people who need it.

It's not the healthy you need a doctor, but the sick.

Luke 14, he paints another picture in a parable.

Luke 14, 12 to 14.

He goes on to say the one who invited him.

When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or relatives

or rich neighbors.

Otherwise, they may also invite you in return, and that will be your repayment.

But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you

will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you, for you will be repaid

at the resurrection of the righteous.

Same concept, that you don't give just because of what your immediate reward will be.

You give knowing, I'm thinking of eternity.

I'm thinking of eternal reward.

I'm thinking of Jesus.

And when I say thinking of Jesus, I'm referring to Matthew 25.

Because Jesus actually says, I was hungry, and you gave me something to eat.

I was thirsty, and you gave me something to drink.

I was a stranger, and you took me in.

I was naked, and you clothed me.

I was sick, and you took care of me.

I was in prison, and you visited me.

And then the righteous will answer him, Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or

thirsty and give you something to drink?

They're going to say, when did we see you a stranger and take you in?

Or without clothes and clothe you?

When did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?

And the king will answer him, truly, I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least

of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

You did for me.

And so you say, when did we see you a stranger and take you in?

Well, in order to take someone in, you need a home.

Okay?

So we talked about this concept of Mary and Martha, Lazarus, inviting Jesus into their home.

You know, that's an easy one for those three.

It's like, when did you invite Jesus in?

Well, we literally did.

We had him into our home.

We haven't been able to have Jesus physically in our home.

But the same question will be asked of us.

Did you have Jesus into your home?

What does that look like?

It looks like being hospitable.

Is your home, did God give you that gift of your home just for you?

I don't think so.

It's used to love and serve Jesus by loving and serving other people.

John 14, verse 2.

John 14:2

Jesus said, my father's house has many rooms.

If that were not so, would I have told you that I'm going there to prepare a place for you?

Again, this speaks of this concept.

And everyone understands that and listens to that.

Oh, that's an exciting thing.

That God has a house whose son is preparing for us.

It's getting it ready.

To what?

To host us.

Right?

We get excited about that.

And there's this understanding that the father gets a house ready for his family.

The family gets a house ready for family.

True spiritual family is experienced in the context of a home.

When we talk about hospitality, what's the definition of hospitality?

Hospitality is broadly defined as the act or practice of being friendly, welcoming, and generous to guests, visitors, or strangers.

It involves providing a warm reception, comfort, and often entertainment, food, or shelter for those who are not part of one's immediate household.

The essence of hospitality is making others feel welcome and cared for.

Okay?

And again, you can do this in other settings, but what is the primary thing you think of when you think of that?

You think of a home.

And there's a reason you do, because that is the primary place of hospitality.

That is where we experience hospitality in its depths.

You can experience hospitality in this cold gray building, okay?

But with very warm colors on the floor.

But it's not the same as being in someone's home, right?

It's not the same.

It's not as intimate.

It's not as warm as a building like this.

Now, we should seek to show hospitality wherever we are and in whatever way we can.

But that never is a replacement for the unique ability of cultivating an experience of acceptance and warmth and spiritual family that happens inside of a home.

Inside of a home.

Okay?

So, that being said, let's look at seven different aspects of hospitality that the Bible talks about.

Okay?

I'm not going to talk about these for a long time, but I think all seven are important.

Number one, hospitality is commanded.

Okay?

In the Bible, it's like, well, I don't have, you might say, well, I don't have the gift of hospitality.

Well, that's like saying I don't have the gift of faith.

It doesn't matter.

You still need faith.

Do some people have the gift of faith?

Yes.

Some people have the gift of hospitality?

Yes.

But it's commanded.

1 Peter 4, verse 9.

1 Peter 4:9

Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.

Then it says, as each has received a gift, use it to serve one another as good stewards of God's various grace.

And it says, whoever speaks, speaks the oracles of God.

Whoever serves, keeps going.

Okay?

But isn't it interesting that the context of, as each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, is right after the verse that says, show hospitality to one another without grumbling.

Could it be that he's not changing thought there?

Could it be that that thought is just continued there from Peter?

And that he's essentially saying, if you have a home, whether you own it or not, you have a gift that is to be used in good stewardship to serve one another.

Okay?

Have you thought about that?

Do you think about that often?

Do you think, in many ways, we think, oh, how can I use my money to serve other people?

How can I use my spiritual gifts to serve other people?

How can I use my, I don't know, many things.

But how often do you think of, how can I use my home to serve other people?

It is a gift.

It is a tool.

It is unique.

Okay?

You know, I could take a ride with you in my truck somewhere.

And we could have a good talk.

We could have a good time.

Maybe take a little road trip.

But it's a different dynamic if I have you in my living room or around my dinner table.

Right?

I own the truck.

I own the home.

I might be leasing the truck or renting the home.

It doesn't matter.

But there's a sense of mind in that.

And there's a big difference.

Right?

I could take you to a restaurant.

We could have a good conversation.

It's not the same as being at my dinner table where we make food, where we made the food for you.

Okay?

It's different.

You get to see the pictures on the wall.

You get to see how my kids interact.

You get to see the taste, the smells, the whole experience.

You get to see order or lack of order.

You get to see the good, the bad, the ugly.

Right?

You get to see it all.

And it creates a sense of intimacy that is different from all other settings.

Right?

So how do you make the most of that?

Are you making the most of that?

Are you thinking about that?

Are you thinking, how can I steward my home to the glory of God?

If this is truly, number one, central to the concept of family, that you can't separate homes from family,

then how deeply and intentionally have I thought about the use of my home when we're deeply and intentionally thinking about the concept of family?

Have we divorced the two?

Have we thought just as intensely about the use of our home as we have about creating spiritual family,

knowing that you can't separate the two?

Or have we separated the two?

And are we trying to live in a context of spiritual family that doesn't include the home,

that is more shallow than any other experience of family we've experienced,

and therefore it kind of disillusions us.

There's nothing more disillusioned in the language of family without the experience of family.

And to have the language of family without the context of family will be disillusioning.

We need to think long and hard on this and be intentional in it.

How are we using our homes?

Hospitality is commanded.

Hospitality is commanded.

As an act of stewardship.

Show hospitality to one another.

Hebrews 13.2 says,

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers,

for thereby some have entertained angels unaware.

Okay?

I mean, that's pretty cool.

Don't have a lot more to say about that, but it's kind of a crazy thought.

But he said,

Don't neglect.

As if to assume this is something that people neglect.

Have you neglected to show hospitality?

Do you only show hospitality to the people you know and love,

or do you show hospitality to the people you don't know as well?

Or to strangers?

Number two.

Hospitality should be sought and practiced.

Romans 12.

Verse 10 and 13 says,

Love one another with brotherly affection.

Outdo one another in showing honor.

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

In the NASB it says,

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.

Give preference to one another in honor.

Contributing to the needs of the saints.

Practicing hospitality.

Are you someone who seeks out and practices hospitality?

Or are you just someone who contributes to someone else's hospitality?

Are you just someone who consumes someone else's hospitality?

Or are you someone who seeks to practice it and cultivate it yourself?

Number three.

Hospitality is not just for close friends and people you know.

Hebrews 13.2.

The verse we said says,

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers.

Not just to the people you're close to.

Not just to the people you're really friends with.

In this church, we have some people who are closer than others.

We need to do the work of trying to get to know and grow closer to some of the other people.

Now that doesn't mean everybody's got to be besties and have the same depth of relationship with every person.

That's not realistic.

But we're oftentimes show we show more intentionality to the people who are easier to connect with.

And in fact, where we should show more intentionality is where it's more difficult.

And that's with people we don't know as well.

That's with people we're not as close.

And you know what a great place to do that is in?

The home.

The home.

Number four.

Hospitality is required for eldership and widow support.

Okay?

An overseer, 1 Timothy 3.2, must be hospitable.

Okay?

An elder, someone aspiring to eldership, needs to be hospitable.

And one of the reasons that's important is because very rarely will you ever see a church rise above the example set by their leadership.

It very often trickles down.

And so if we want to have a hospitable culture, which God knows is necessary to have a true spiritual family,

the leaders of that church need to be hospitable.

And I have been in churches where the leaders were not hospitable.

And it was like pulling teeth to try to get that church to be more familial in their hospitality and homes.

It's just no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't get it.

Why?

Because it wasn't coming from the top down.

It wasn't coming from the leadership.

And they weren't doing it.

And so other people are like, well, they're not doing it.

I'm not going to do it.

And then you just have this like lingo of family without the experience, which is very disillusioning.

Titus 1.7 says the same thing.

An overseer must be hospitable.

And then 1 Timothy 5 talks about the widows who are enrolled and being cared for by the church.

What was one of the requirements?

That she has shown hospitality.

She has shown hospitality.

Apparently, whether it's a man you should aspire to be or a woman you should aspire to be, both of them should be someone who is hospitable.

Masculinity, femininity should have in the quintessential kind of goal of what it means to be a man, goal of what it means to be a woman, should be showing hospitality.

This is neither masculine nor feminine.

It is godly.

Okay?

Number five, hospitality acquires sacrifice.

The verse I read before, 1 Peter 4.9 says, show hospitality without grumbling.

Okay?

Well, why do people grumble when they're required to show hospitality?

Because it costs.

It costs.

What does it cost?

It costs time.

It costs money.

It costs food.

It costs your personal space.

Right?

It costs people overstaying their welcome sometimes.

It costs people breaking things, messing up things, consuming things.

It costs...

It costs...

That's why it says don't do it with grumbling.

Count the cost.

Hebrews 13.6.

It says, do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.

Well, what do you have?

Do you have a home?

Share it.

And you say, well, this is so sacrificial.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

And guess what?

God is pleased with that sacrifice.

The sharing of your home is a sacrifice that is pleasing to God.

Two more.

Number six.

Hospitality is an attitude of the home and the heart.

You ever hear the phrase, home is where the heart is.

Right?

Home is where the heart is.

Okay.

2 Corinthians 6.11-13.

He says, we've spoken freely to you, Corinthians.

Our heart is wide open.

You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections.

In return, I speak as two children.

There's that familial language.

Widen your hearts also.

So if you have an open home, but a closed heart, no, that's not working.

It's not a good experience.

Why?

Because it's hospitality, but it's not familial hospitality.

Familial home hospitality says, I speak as two children, opens wide hearts.

Okay?

That means transparency and vulnerability.

Transparency is like an open window, letting people see in.

And vulnerability is one step further in opening the door and letting them come in and speak

into those things they see through the window.

Some people say, oh yeah, I'm really, I'm wide open.

And really what it means is you have lifted the blinds and you let people see in, but you

have five locks on the door and you ain't letting anybody come in.

Okay?

So you're not really open.

You're transparent, but a true person who's open is both transparent and vulnerable.

Vulnerability means you open the door and let them in to speak into your life.

Okay?

And that's true hospitality.

Not just opening up your home, but opening up your heart.

And so, again, they feel so much more comfortable.

Later in 2 Corinthians 7, in the next chapter, 2 to 3, it says, make room in your hearts for

us.

You are in our hearts to die together and to live together.

Okay?

Make room in your hearts.

Don't just make room in your home.

Make room in your hearts as well.

Lastly, number seven.

Hospitality, practicality is the golden rule.

Luke 6, 31.

As you wish that others would do to you, so do to them.

Okay?

The whole law is fulfilled and you should love your neighbors yourself.

Right?

As you wish others would do to you, do so to them.

So, if you're wondering, how do I show good hospitality?

Well, what do you like when you're at someone else's house?

What makes you feel comfortable?

Makes you feel blessed?

Makes you feel welcome?

Makes you feel safe and secure and like you belong?

As, think about that.

But don't just think about you because you're different than other people.

And so, some of the stuff you like, other people don't like.

And if you only do what you like, then it's kind of selfish.

It's like, oh, why don't they like that?

Well, they're not into the same thing as you.

So, you're going to go a step further and say, what would they like?

Seek not only your own interests, but the interests of others.

Okay?

So, what are some practicals in this as we wrap this up?

Well, making good food and drink is just a real easy one.

Right?

People just open up and feel more comfortable around some good food and drink.

I think the people in the South call this comfort food.

Right?

Good food and drink.

Another one.

Don't be intimidated by big families in your small home.

Take it on.

Take it on.

Right?

Some of the most hospitable experiences I've ever had in my life were in the smallest spaces.

One of them being in a one-bedroom house in Mexico.

And when I say one bedroom, I mean one room, not one bedroom.

I mean, it was just four walls, a metal roof that we replaced.

And I don't even think they had a door.

But there was an opening.

There's no door, I don't think.

And they were extremely hospitable.

Extremely hospitable.

And there was a lot of people there.

So it's like, you could easily say, ah, you don't need to have anybody in there.

Your house is too small.

And you'd say, yeah, I agree that their house is a little small on the small side.

It's one room.

Right?

And yet they were still able to do it.

How could they possibly do this?

Listen, the size of it.

There's not one place in the Bible that says the size of your house means you can't be hospitable.

And yet in many people's heads is that very phrase.

The size of my house means I can't be hospitable.

Hogwash.

That's not true.

It's not true.

And I've known it by my many experience.

And weirdly enough, a lot of big homes I felt have been more cold.

Now, that doesn't mean it has to be.

I've been in some big homes that have been very warm as well.

But, I mean, we've got to get over this thing that it has to be a small, it has to be a big home.

Okay?

Another practical.

Make meaningful memories.

We talked about this before.

But, man, think and brainstorm.

How can I make a meaningful memories?

Without being contrived, like where it's really weird and, like, forced.

Okay?

Be naturally familial.

And, you know, the great way to do this is to figure out who's the people who've created these in your life and learn from them.

If you're just a contributor or a consumer or anything, I want to be more of a creator.

Look at someone who is a good creator of family and say, what do they do?

Heck, even ask them.

Right?

Even ask them what they do.

Create an atmosphere of belonging where people feel like they belong.

Okay?

Make people feel welcome.

Make people feel like they belong.

Count the cost.

Count the cost.

Otherwise, you're not going to last for the long haul.

Know that it's going to cost time.

It's going to cost money.

You might get less sleep because people don't leave, you know, maybe when you would want them to.

Comfort.

Privacy.

Okay?

A few more.

Love trumps ideals and perfection.

Okay?

Love trumps ideals and perfection.

Including home size.

But love trumps ideals and perfection.

So you might say, well, it would be really ideal if I had a nicer bathroom.

It would be really ideal if I had a bigger living room.

It would be really ideal if I had an updated kitchen.

Yeah, but you know what's really ideal?

Love.

Love.

Love covers over a multitude of wrongs.

Okay, here's another really important one.

Listen to me on this.

Uncomfortable hosts make uncomfortable guests.

Uncomfortable hosts make uncomfortable guests.

What do I mean by that?

When you can tell that the host is uncomfortable, they're insecure, they're a little weird, and then hosting a house, you can tell they don't really, it's like, doing this, but half smile, you know, kind of like, but I don't really like it.

I don't really want these people in my house.

You know, it's like, do you feel comfortable?

No, you don't feel comfortable.

You're like, ah, let's get out of here.

You know, you don't, that's not comfortable.

But when they feel relaxed and they feel at home with having you in their home, you feel comfortable.

And so, if you're insecure, if you're having a hard time with it, you got to figure out a way to get over that because your guests will feel that.

They do.

That's just how it works, right?

Uncomfortable hosts make uncomfortable guests.

Comfortable hosts make comfortable guests.

Be like Mary.

Be a good listener, right?

Which also means be a good question asker, okay?

Ask good questions.

Tell you what, some people are bad at hospitality because they are horrible questions.

They don't know what to ask.

They don't ask anything really.

They don't get the conversation going.

Learn how to ask good questions.

And lastly, the practicals, love people's kids, okay?

When you love people's kids, it makes them feel welcome and at home.

You get down to your level.

Sometimes you got to get down on your knee and talk to them at their level.

Have fun with them.

Have toys for them.

Just enjoy people's kids.

Know your friends' kids' names.

Have conversations with them.

Don't just act like they're a nuisance and they're not part of it.

But nobody feels like family when kids aren't included.

Family includes kids, right?

And healthy families value kids.

They don't idolize kids, but they value kids, okay?

Before we conclude, don't forget the other side of hosting, okay?

What's the other side of hosting?

Being the one who's being hosted.

There is a way to be considerate in our being hosted,

and there's a way to be inconsiderate, okay?

So basically doing our part not to make hospitality a burden for the host.

Sharing the burden.

Hey, can I bring something?

You know, helping maybe clean up after a meal.

Cleaning up after your kids.

You know, you make it really hard to not grumble when all the kids come over.

They just trash your house.

There's no instruction to clean things up, and then you're out of there, okay?

Avoid inconsiderate hospitality consumption, okay?

Avoid inconsiderate hospitality consumption.

So what are some practices of that?

Well, one of them would be, think about how late you're staying.

Does the person have to get up early the next day?

Have we stayed for a long time?

You know, what time do we start?

Oh, we came over for breakfast.

What time is it?

6 p.m.

Oh, that's probably a little late, you know?

They probably didn't expect that.

Do they have other things to do?

Now, it's one thing if the person says,

hey, we'd like you to stay, that's different.

But if they didn't, we have to, like, be self-aware enough to realize,

hey, I want to be, they have other priorities,

they have other things they have to do.

Maybe they have to get up early, all those kind of things, okay?

Same thing if you have kids, okay?

The Bible says that a child left to his own brings shame to the mother, right?

Sometimes people can be so into enjoying the hospitality at someone's house,

they forget they have kids.

I brought a kid here.

I forgot about that, you know?

And it's like, hey, this isn't your home,

and there's a lot of strange things.

And the kids could be getting into things,

so we have to make sure that we're not letting the kids just be left to their own

and just do whatever.

We have to keep an eye on them.

We have to be intent on it.

That's good consideration to someone who opened up their home,

that you would say, you know,

I want to make sure that the kids don't do things that are inappropriate.

I want to make sure, you know, we're not going to jump in the couch,

but we jump in the couch at our house.

Well, but that's not usually kosher in most everybody else's house,

especially when you have a bunch of mud on your feet, okay?

It's a whole other thing.

Certain rooms, you're not going to let your kids in.

Certain things, you're not going to let your kids play with.

You're considered of the rules of the home.

When was the last time you had your kids over to a house,

and you asked the host, what are the rules in this home?

Is there anything I need to know of?

They might say, well, we just ask that all food stays in the kitchen or the dining room,

that you don't eat brownies downstairs.

In fact, we have kind of a maybe now it's not so secret agreement in our home

that we don't serve brownies when we have a bunch of people over with kids

because brownies end up going into every room.

They end up falling on the ground, and then they end up going into the carpet,

and it's just, you know, just one of those off-limit things.

And brownies are great, but we just don't serve them usually, okay?

So you have these different rules, right?

But just ask, what's the rule?

Someone might say, we just had someone's house last night,

and they always grew up that when you come into their house, you take off your shoes.

I didn't grow up in a house like that.

We always wore our shoes.

But in this house, you took them off.

So I always wear my shoes in my house, but I go over to their house, you know what I do?

I take my shoes off.

Why? Because I'm trying to be considerate.

I want them to not be thinking, oh, why is he wearing his shoes?

Like, so rude, you know?

And you might say, that's not rude.

Well, in their home it is.

So you respect the rules of the home.

You ask what the rules of the home are.

There's a consideration there.

Anyways, with all this, I just want us to think as a church.

I think as a church, we could think more intently, especially on the front end.

We're one year into this church to think, okay, what is the culture we want to build?

There's parts of our culture where the cement is still wet,

and I think it's really important to infuse into the foundation of our culture

that we have a hospitable, a familial home hospitable culture,

where our homes are used in such a way to be hospitable and to create a sense and experience of family.

And that's going to require some intentionality.

It's going to require some planning, some stewardship, some thoughts, some questions,

some prayer, and a lot of cost, right?

But it'll be worth it because when that's into the culture of a church,

it's cautious as much as it's taught.

And it creates a welcoming environment that is consistent with the gospel of Jesus Christ.

This is what we're aiming at.

Welcome others as he has welcomed you.

Amen?

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.