Forsaking Family To Follow Jesus

I'm going to preach on the topic of forsaking family to follow Jesus.

! Forsaking family to follow Jesus.

There's a lot of hard sayings Jesus has. This is one of them.

! Most of my text, the majority of my text is going to come from Luke 14.

So I'm going to read this passage and riff on it for a little bit.

And then I have some supplementals to follow.

But the bulk of my passage is Luke 14.

So I'm going to turn there. I'm just going to read it.

So Luke 14. If you have a Bible, I encourage you to go ahead and open it.

We'll read through this here.

It's a little bit of a longer section, so I don't want to lose people by just reading it out loud.

Luke chapter 14, starting in verse 12.

Luke 14 · chapter mention

This is Jesus. He's at a dinner.

Okay.

He, meaning Jesus, he said also to the man who had invited him,

When you give a dinner or a banquet, do not invite your friends, or your brothers, or your relatives, or rich neighbors,

lest they also invite you in return and you be repaid.

But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed,

because they cannot repay you.

For you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.

When one of those who were applying to table with him heard these things, he said to him,

Blessed is everyone who will eat bread in the kingdom of God.

But he said to him,

But he said to him,

A man once gave a great banquet and invited many.

And at the time for the banquet, he sent his servant to say to those who had been invited,

Come, for everything is now ready.

But they all alike began to make excuses.

The first said to him,

I have bought a field, and I must go out and see it.

Please have me excused.

And another said,

I have bought five yoke of oxen, and I go to examine them.

Please have me excused.

And another said,

I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come.

So the servant came and reported these things to his master.

Then the master of the house became angry and said to his servant,

Go out quickly to the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor and the crippled and blind and lame.

And the servant said,

Sir, what you have commanded has been done, and still there is room.

And the master said to the servant,

Go out into the highways and hedges, and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled.

For I tell you, none of those men who were invited shall taste my banquet.

I'm going to pause there.

I'm going to continue this here.

But I think this sets great context.

There's a verse I want to focus on.

It's going to come in this next section.

But I think everything we just read sets a really helpful context for what Jesus is about to say.

And the context is, he gives a call to mission.

So you guys, when you're hospitable, when you're giving a feast,

don't focus on people who are going to repay you, essentially.

People you're comfortable with.

You know?

You pat each other's backs, relationally speaking.

Okay?

It's a give and tip.

Use it for people who have nothing to give you.

It's a call to mission.

It's essentially, use what you've been given,

not to benefit yourself with these familiar, comfortable relationships that, basically, they feed you.

Instead, use it to further the gospel.

It's my interpretation of what he's saying here.

Okay.

And then someone says, you know, yeah, blessed be, you know, anyone who eats in the kingdom of God.

And he gives this wonderful example, a parable of this great banquet.

And he reiterates the same thing.

But this time you see the introduction of excuses.

The first people he invites, they all by one consent begin to make excuses.

Verse 18 and 20.

And you see that the excuses are good things.

They're not bad things.

They're not, I got to go gamble at the casino.

You know?

I got to go fornicate.

You know?

Sorry, please excuse me from the kingdom of God.

I got to go live in licentiousness.

No, no.

It's just like, hey, I got a job.

You know, I'm too busy, man.

Or I have a wife.

These are good things.

These are God things.

These are things that God commands us.

First of all, he gives these things.

They're good.

They're not sinful.

And then he commands us to be faithful with them.

Okay?

But these are the things that are given as an excuse for not answering the call to this banquet.

Which is a picture of eternal life in Christ.

And also the fellowship of his mission.

You know?

So, that's the context.

I'm going to continue on here.

Verse 25.

Now great crowds accompanied him.

And he turned and said to them,

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters,

Yes, and even his own life,

Yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.

For which of you desiring to build a tower does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it.

Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it will begin to mock him, saying,

This man began to build and was not able to finish.

Or what king going out to encounter another king in war will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able to 10,000 to meet him who comes against him with 20,000?

And if not, while the others get a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace.

So, therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.

So, the main text that I'm going to focus on is verse 26.

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters,

Yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.

But I think the rest of that passage is important, too, because you see this imagery of basically setting out to do a big thing,

and you can't finish this thing because you didn't count the cost at the front end.

You didn't meet the prerequisites.

You kicked that decision down the road, okay?

Ah, that's kind of hard.

I'm going to kick that one down the road, okay?

I'm going to try to follow Jesus, and I'll work out, you know, this whole really kind of weird thing he says about hating your family

and not being able to follow Jesus unless you hate your family and your own life.

That's, I don't know, that's kind of hard.

I'll kick that down the road.

I'll believe in Jesus.

I'll go on serving the kingdom, preaching the gospel, be part of the church,

and I don't know.

Eventually, I'll understand.

I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Guess what?

You won't finish.

That's the point of the passage.

If you don't count the cost on the front end, you're not finishing, man.

It's impossible, okay?

There's something weighty about what he's saying here that you can't get around, okay?

Every Christian's got to deal with this.

So, anyway, that's going to be the purpose of my sermon is to deal with this

and to think through this and try to understand what is it Jesus is talking about

and how does it apply to our life, okay?

So, what's going on in verse 26?

This just seems so contradictory to so much in the New Testament about loving our families,

divine order, priorities.

Like, what is, like, we're supposed to love everybody, right?

Why does Jesus say you got to hate these people who are the closest to you?

I'm going to read a couple passages that I think kind of shed light on this.

First is Psalm 17, verse 13 through 15.

Psalms 17:13–15

This is David speaking of men of this world.

Arise, O Lord, confront him, subdue him.

Deliver my soul from the wicked by your sword, from men by your hand, O Lord,

from men of the world whose portion is in this life.

You fill their womb with treasure.

They are satisfied with children, and they leave their abundance to their infants.

Okay, so I'm going to pause there.

That's speaking of men of this world, the wicked.

It doesn't say anything about gross sin.

What he's speaking of is what they value, okay?

What are their basic values?

What are the basic values of people in this world who are wicked, who are alienated from the life of God,

whose inheritance is not in the next life, but whose inheritance is in this life?

Children.

They leave their abundance for their infants.

They have good inheritances for their kids.

They think about their kids.

They think about their grandkids.

This is where their value system, this is where their heart is.

She's like, okay, those are good things, right?

Okay, well, what's David, the righteous man?

Like, where's his value system at?

He shares it.

He goes on to say,

David has a different thing on his heart.

Him.

The Lord.

So, in other words,

men of this world say family is number one.

Okay?

It's number one.

Family is everything.

A Christian says God's number one.

A believer has made an exchange of affections that rule the seat of their heart.

They have a totally different worldview that has been renewed by the Holy Spirit,

where Jesus has preeminence.

And it doesn't eliminate family.

It doesn't eliminate value from family or any of those things.

But it transforms it to be Christ-centered.

So, anyway, I think that's a good verse.

Romans 1.25 says,

They exchanged the truth of God for a lie,

and they worshiped and served the creature rather than the creator,

who is blessed forever.

It's a form of idolatry to love God's creation

and to worship God's creation above and beyond him.

This is an evidence of our idolatrous nature,

is that we creature worship.

Okay?

And we extra creature worship with the things that are more and more valuable to us.

And family is a big one.

It's baked in.

It's in our hard code.

This is like foundational value system is me and my own.

Okay?

And it's good.

That's why it's so hard to argue with.

Okay?

Christians are known for being family-centric

and for holding family in high esteem.

But that's kind of a catch-22,

because then you can have this idolatry just live on

and permeate and never go addressed.

And so Jesus just hits this head on.

This is, I believe this is what he's getting at, basically.

He's getting at this prioritization of family in our hearts

over and above the preeminence of Christ.

So, Romans goes on to say in that same chapter

that these people, these same people who worshipped

and served the creature rather than the creator,

says that though they know God's righteous decree

that those who practice such things deserve to die,

they not only do them, but give approval to those who practice them.

So, I believe this is what Jesus is hammering.

He doesn't give any qualifications to it.

He just says you have to need your family.

And you're kind of left with this shock of like,

how do I interpret that?

You know?

But it's shocking for a reason.

And I think I've read a lot of different interpretations

of this passage.

And I don't, we got to be careful with it.

There's a way of handling, like even how we define hate.

A lot of people who handle this passage

will just try to redefine hate, you know?

It's like, well, it's relative love, you know?

It's loving Jesus way more than you love your family,

but you still got to love your family.

And I get what they're saying,

but there's something about letting Jesus' word

just hit like he says it.

And it cuts and it exposes what's going on in our heart.

And I guess I do have some thoughts

on how this is exegeted a little bit,

but I think it's important for us

to realize that Jesus didn't qualify what he said.

He just said, he said, hey,

if you love your family more than me,

you are not worthy of being my disciple.

If you come after me and you don't hate your family,

you're not worthy of being my disciple.

And I think just for sake of, you know,

capturing the spirit of it,

friends and family, okay?

Those who are near and dear to us,

the relationships in our life that are right here, okay?

They're the ones I can't live without.

You got to realize that the Lord's going to go right for it, okay?

And to follow Jesus, you got to let it go.

You got to let it go.

That's what he's pointing to.

Okay, I am way behind here.

Okay.

So what's the solution?

The fact of the matter is we're all in this.

This is basic idolatry.

This is, we're born into this idolatry.

Not a single person in this room is excluded from this.

This is not something that's just like, oh, yeah, you know,

you know, Michael just really deals with the family idolatry part

and Judah doesn't, you know?

No.

This is just like, he's speaking to all of the people in the world

because Adam, our natural father that we all came from,

he has this value system.

Remember, who did he choose over God?

Eve.

So we got it honest, all right?

Everybody's in the same boat.

How do we get out of this boat?

Do we just try to pray this away, you know?

Do we try to fast and pray the idolatry out of our heart?

I mean, it's good to fast and pray and seek the Lord for freedom in these things.

There's a much more foundational solution that the Lord has.

And it is the gospel.

There's the aspect of the gospel that deals with this.

I'm going to share a few verses on this.

2 Corinthians 5, verse 14 through 17.

2 Corinthians 5:14–17

For the love of Christ controls us because we've concluded this,

that one has died for all, therefore all have died.

And he died for all that those who live might no longer live for themselves,

but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

So when Jesus died, we died.

Okay?

So this old idolatrous person that we got from our dad,

that we got organically, that we didn't ask for,

but we just came into the world being that person

who just idolizes family above and beyond the Lord and everything,

he died.

When Jesus died, that person died.

And if you're in Christ, this is true for you.

So you already got it, basically, is my point.

You have a solution already.

Your old man was crucified with him, is what it says in Romans 6.

He was crucified.

He's dead.

Therefore, when we go on,

from now on, therefore,

continuing in that 2 Corinthians 5 passage,

in light of this truth,

we regard no one according to the flesh.

Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh,

we regard him thus no longer.

Therefore, if anyone's in Christ,

he is a new creation.

The old has passed away,

the new has come.

Jesus set us free from this.

Okay?

He took away the old man

who is completely enslaved to this worldview,

and he made a new creation.

And that new creation is part of a new family.

It says in Colossians 1, 17 through 18,

he, meaning Jesus, is before all things,

and in him all things fold together.

And he's the head of the body of the church.

He is the beginning,

the firstborn from the dead,

that in everything he might be preeminent.

Another way of saying preeminent is first place.

Some translations render it that,

that he might have first place in everything.

So, the Lord dealt with this problem 2,000 years ago on the cross.

Okay?

That is the solution to our present problem,

is to recognize and believe this to be true.

That when Jesus died,

I died and I was crucified

to my earthly relationships

as they are sinful and warped

and messed up by the fall.

in such a way that the power of it

to rule my heart and my mind

and my affections

has been totally crucified

on the cross of Jesus.

And when Jesus rose from the dead,

he rose me

and all of you who are in Christ

up with him

and he's first.

He has first place.

He just is.

Okay?

So, he already has first place,

I guess is the point.

Okay?

We don't have to make Jesus have first place.

He has first place

and he fought us

and we have no rights

to let anything else

have first place in our life.

He's king.

He has total dominion.

The surrender

is an unconditional surrender.

He died for all

so that all who live

would no longer live for themselves

but for him.

So, he purchased us.

That's the point.

He purchased us

and now we're his.

Okay?

So, nothing else in our life

gets to have second place

with Jesus.

Especially, it doesn't get

to have first place

but it doesn't even get

to have second place.

It's destroyed.

It's last place.

It's hatred.

Okay?

It's hatred.

It's anything.

It's in the context

of anything that competes

with the Lord Jesus Christ

on the seat

of my affections.

I violently

put it to death

knowing

that Jesus

already did.

It took Jesus dying

to set me free

from that.

If I didn't do

anything else

in the world

and I just treasured

my family

above the Lord Jesus Christ,

Jesus Christ

would have had to suffer

in the agony of hell

on the cross

for my sin

because it's such

a wicked thing to do.

It's wicked.

It's so wicked.

And it doesn't seem

so bad, right?

Because family's good.

It's bad.

If we saw Jesus,

you know,

I'm confident

that so many things

that we just don't think

are that big a deal,

when we see Jesus,

we're going to immediately see

just our mouth

is going to be stopped.

We're going to be so thankful

that he paid for our sins.

But sins like these,

I think,

are going to magnify

and we're going to be able

to see and understand

how jacked up this was.

We'll look back

through time

and see Adam

choosing his wife

over God,

eating that fruit.

And we'll see,

oh no, Lord,

it's really wicked.

Nothing comes close

to Jesus.

It's not even a shadow.

Anything that even comes

close to Jesus

in my heart,

it's a wicked sin.

Lord, help me hate that,

run from that.

Give me grace

to escape this,

you know,

reset my values

in my heart

before you.

Okay, so basically,

that's it.

The solution is the gospel.

Okay?

When Jesus died,

he did everything.

There are so many aspects

of the Christian life

that tie directly back

to what Jesus did

on the cross.

He paid for our sins.

That's awesome.

The blood of Jesus

cleanses from all sin.

But he did a lot more

than that too.

He destroyed the power

of sin

to rule our life

on the cross.

He put the whole thing

to death.

That man of sin

was buried.

And when he rose

from the dead,

a new creation

rose from the dead.

We're seated

in the heavenly places

with Jesus.

And in the heavenly places

in Christ Jesus,

none of us has an idolatry

problem with family.

Okay?

And then the Holy Spirit

is ministering

that finished work

progressively in our life

as we follow Jesus.

May your kingdom come

and will be done

on earth

as it is in heaven.

And in this area,

the fruit of sanctification

looks like

Jesus increasingly

having preeminence.

And our natural way

of relating to family

getting renewed.

Okay?

So,

I want to talk through

a little bit

of the fruit of that.

Yeah.

Okay.

What results

can we expect

if we believe this truth?

If we apprehend this,

the Holy Spirit's

making this truth

a reality in our life,

what fruits,

what tangible evidence

should we expect

to see in our life?

I'm just going to walk

through some examples.

I didn't make any of these up.

These are just examples

pulled from the Bible.

Number one,

what we've been talking about,

Jesus has first place

in our affections.

Okay?

2 Corinthians 11,

2 Corinthians 11:2–3

verse 2 through 3,

Paul said,

I feel a divine jealousy

for you

since I betrothed you

to one husband

to present you

as a pure virgin to Christ.

But I'm afraid

as the serpent deceived Eve

by his cunning,

your thoughts

would be led astray

from the sincere

and pure devotion

to Christ.

A sincere

and pure devotion

to Christ

just springs up.

Okay?

Disorder in this area

dials down

our sense

of affection

for Jesus.

It clouds it.

We're like Martha

just worried

about so many things.

It's good to pray

for your family.

It's good to be concerned

with your family.

There's a right way

of doing it,

but not in such a way

where Jesus loses

first place in our heart.

You know?

If we've lost that,

Jesus says

the one thing is equal.

Okay?

That's what Paul's concerned

about for this group.

So,

what's a fruit

when we believe this truth?

Jesus has first place

in our heart.

Second,

you will experience

division and conflict

in your natural

family relationships.

There's no getting around it.

Okay?

Jesus says in Matthew 10

Matthew 10:34–42

verse 34 through 42,

Do not think

that I came

to bring peace

on the earth.

I did not come

to bring peace,

but a sword.

Where specifically?

For I came

to set a man

against his father

and a daughter

against her mother

and a daughter-in-law

against her mother-in-law

and a man's enemies

will be the members

of his household.

All right.

So,

not only is he

not going to bring peace,

he's not going to bring peace

specifically within families.

Okay?

He who loves

father or mother

more than me

is not worthy of me.

He who loves

son or daughter

more than me

is not worthy of me.

Yeah,

it sounds familiar.

It's like a parallel passage.

And he who does not

take his cross

and follow after me

is not worthy of me.

He who has found

his life will lose it.

He who has lost

his life for my sake

will find it.

He who receives you

receives me,

and he who receives me

receives him who sent me.

He who receives a prophet

in the name of a prophet

shall receive a prophet's reward.

And he who receives

a righteous man

in the name of a righteous man

shall receive

a righteous man's reward.

You see the flip

that he does

with priorities?

Those of you

in your family

who receive

what you have to say

because it's

because of me,

because of Jesus,

not because you're

their family member,

because they're

your best friend,

but because

you're a disciple

of Jesus,

they're receiving me.

If they don't,

though,

hey,

that's part of the game.

That's part of the deal.

Don't be surprised.

I didn't come

to come make

your earthly family

a hoorah,

we're all getting along

sort of deal.

Actually,

I came to bring division

because I love those people

and their sin

was sending them to hell.

And if you love

their good opinion of you

more than you love

their eternal soul,

you're not willing to be.

So,

Jesus loves people

and he saves them

by convincing them

of sin

and the wrath to come

so that they escape

through the only escape

that's possible,

which is

his atonement

on the cross.

And if we love

our family members,

we're going to share

that with them too.

That brings division.

There's no way around it.

But that's how people

get saved.

You know,

so my dad got saved.

His sister

shared the gospel

with them.

Not everyone else

in their family

received it,

but he did.

Okay,

next.

Also related to family,

number three.

Limited ministry

effectiveness

in our extended family

at least

over the short term.

All right,

where am I getting this from?

I'm getting it from Jesus.

Matthew chapter 13

Matthew 13:57–58

verse 57 through 58.

Speaking of Jesus,

it says,

and they took offense

at him.

But Jesus said to them,

a prophet is not

without honor

except in his hometown

and his own household.

And he did not do

many miracles there

because of their unbelief.

There's a bunch

of other examples of this.

They're in all the gospels,

basically,

except for John.

There's some different examples.

But basically,

Jesus started with his family

as a priority,

was not effective

in the short term,

though.

He didn't get to see fruit

from his short term ministry

to his extended family.

In fact,

the opposite.

They didn't believe in him.

They mocked him.

And in his hometown,

they tried to throw him

off a cliff.

So,

did he prioritize them

according to God's word?

Yes,

he did.

He shared the truth

with them first.

That's our example.

We share the truth

with those who are closest

to us first.

Did they receive him?

No.

In fact,

the opposite.

You know,

that phrase,

familiarity breeds contempt.

It comes from this.

It says,

no prophet is without honor

except in his own family

and his hometown

among his relatives,

the people who know you the most.

So,

my question for you is,

are you expecting

something different

than Jesus?

Do you have a more

inflated view

of your winsomeness

than you ought to have?

I mean,

I know I do.

I've been totally

just like

deluded into thinking

that I'm somehow

more winsome

than the Lord Jesus Christ.

Okay?

You're not.

We're not.

If,

Jesus says,

a disciple,

when he's perfect,

will be like his master.

So,

when we're perfect,

meaning when we're mature,

the best we can get

is like Jesus.

So,

we need to recalibrate

our expectations

based on what

the Bible says.

Later on,

a lot of them did believe.

Two of them wrote

books in the New Testament.

James was one

of his brothers.

Jude was one

of his brothers.

But it might not

have even been

until after he rose

from the dead.

Okay?

So,

the Lord

saves people.

We don't save people.

Our job is to testify

to the truth

and do it faithfully,

even if it causes

division

and shaking

our precious family peace.

If we love Jesus

more than we love

our precious family peace,

we'll be okay doing it.

Because you know

he's trying to do it.

If he loves them,

which we trust

he does,

that's what

he's trying to do.

And if we're

going to be faithful

to Jesus,

we participate

in this work of

this is what

the Bible says.

Okay?

Sinners hate it.

Just remember

how you

have behaved

when people

have called you

out about your sin.

Okay?

There's been a lot

of people

who've suffered

a lot of my backlash

and my tood

and my foul speaking

because they love me

and they confronted me

in my sin.

There's people

in this room

who've done it.

Okay?

God uses it.

Okay?

Okay.

Number four,

our family might get mad at us

and that's okay.

That's really kind of

just a repeat.

Five,

there's freedom.

If we obey this

reordering of priorities,

Jesus number one,

there's freedom

to follow Jesus

unhindered

wherever he wants us to go.

So I'm going to read

an example of this.

Jesus calling the apostles.

Matthew 4,

Matthew 4:18–22

verse 18 through 22.

And Jesus,

walking by the Sea of Galilee,

saw two brothers,

Simon called Peter,

Andrew his brother,

casting a net into the sea

for they were fishers.

And he saith unto them,

follow me

and I will make you

fishers of men.

And straight away

they left their nets

and followed them.

And going on from there,

he saw two other brothers,

James the son of Zebedee

and John his brother,

in a ship with Zebedee,

their father.

See the familial connection here?

They're working

and they're doing it

with their dad.

Mending their nets

and he called them.

And they immediately

left the ship

and their father

and followed him.

Okay?

So,

this is a type

in the shadow.

You see other people

in the other example

we read in Luke 14

getting called

but refusing the call

because of family.

Here you see

the disciples

doing completely the opposite.

Okay?

He says,

hey,

come follow me.

They don't say,

oh,

but I got to honor my dad.

Oh,

I got this job

I'm doing with my dad.

You know,

my dad's,

you know,

he's going to be out of luck.

He's not going to be

able to do his job.

Right?

I don't want to dishonor my dad.

No,

no,

no.

Jesus has preeminence.

He says,

follow me.

They left it

and they followed him.

So,

Jesus gets to call the shots.

He's just the boss.

He's the boss of everything.

So,

he

has preeminence

over our

callers.

Okay?

So,

a natural byproduct is

we're just free.

Okay?

We're free

to go obey Jesus

in whatever he's called us to do.

And,

if what he calls us to do

conflicts

with some of our family priorities,

we need to get a renewed mind

because he's never going to call us

to do something

that disobeys him

with respect to

our family obligations.

Um,

number six.

What else do we get?

What are the evidences?

Uh,

we get new family relationships

in the church.

Mark 10,

Mark 10:29–31

verse 29 through 31,

Jesus says,

truly I say to you,

there's no man

that has left house

or brethren

or sisters

or father

or mother

or wife

or children

or lands

for my sake

and the gospels

that shall not receive

a hundredfold

now in this time

houses

and brethren

and sisters

and mothers

and children

and lands

with persecutions.

And the world

to come

eternal life.

And in Mark 3,

uh,

33 through 35,

he said,

uh,

who are my mother

and brothers?

And looking at those

who sat around him,

he said,

here are my mother

and brothers.

Forever does the will

of God.

He is my brother

and sister

and mother.

All right.

So,

uh,

we leave our natural

family

and we get a spiritual

family.

We're not going to have

our natural family

in heaven.

You know what we're

going to have?

We're going to have

our spiritual family.

Okay.

So it starts on earth.

We get converted.

Our tie,

our primary familial tie

to Adam

gets crucified

in Christ

in the cross.

And he raises us

to new life.

Who's our new family?

What's our primary

familial tie?

Sons of God

through Christ.

Our brothers and sisters

in the Lord.

That's the one

that's going to last forever.

Okay.

That's the most

prominent identity

we have.

Does this nullify

the family?

No.

But it's the one

that's going to last forever.

You know,

Julie and I

aren't going to be married

now.

The Bible's very clear

about that.

Jesus says they need

to marry

nor give them

marriage

in the resurrection.

So this is the family

that's going to last.

And guess what?

When we cut ties

with the old one,

we get the new one

and it's glorious.

It's a really precious thing.

Now there's extremes

with all this stuff

as there is with

everything in the Bible.

There's weird ways

that going with this,

but it's a glorious truth.

It's a wonderful truth.

One of the words

this year is family,

like specifically

church family,

not talking about

like family,

natural family.

It's church family.

I think this is

one of the truths

that we need to

internalize a little bit more.

I know I do.

This is something

I'm chief of offenders

in this,

prioritizing my family

over spiritual family,

but it ought not be so.

Okay.

So related to that,

number seven,

an ability to relate

according to the spirit,

not to the flesh.

We already read that verse

from 2 Corinthians 5

about in light of this

exchange that happened

on the cross,

this crucifixion

of the old man

and this resurrection

of the new man.

We don't regard people

according to the flesh anymore.

We look at it

with spiritual eyes.

Okay.

When we look at believers,

we're saying,

they're a new creation

in Christ.

In spite of all their

besetting sin

and things God's

sanctifying them in,

the primary way

I'm going to relate to them

is they're my brother

and sister in Jesus

and in Christ,

they're perfect.

And they're going

to last forever

and I'm going to last forever

and our fellowship

is forever.

And it's just

this glorious thing.

And if we relate

to each other

from that vantage point,

we got way more

margin for each other.

Love covers

a multitude of sins.

I'm not just like,

but this sin is so bad,

I can't handle it

until it's fixed.

You know,

like that's

viewing each other

according to the flesh.

Amen's in Christ.

He's a new creation.

Behold,

old things have passed away.

All things have become new.

So I'm going to just

believe that.

I'm going to set my,

I'm going to put a stake,

you know,

on that.

I'm going to say,

that's how I'm going to

view people.

By God's grace,

please renew my mind.

Help me to relate

to each other like this.

For people who are unbelievers,

since Christ died for all,

so all who live

would no longer

live for themselves.

They don't have any right

to their life.

Okay?

I don't need to apologize

to them for the gospel

and what Jesus has to say.

They lost their rights.

Okay?

They owe Jesus

their life.

And I'm here to command

them to repent.

And I know that

they're going to be

my brother and sister

in this living way

if they do so.

That's what I want to,

I want to have that

relationship with them.

I don't want to have

relationships with my

brothers and sisters

where we just

sit around avoiding

all the controversial

things that Jesus says

in order to keep

peace with them.

Okay?

Like,

if they don't repent

and believe in Jesus,

they're going to hell.

And I'll never have

a relationship with them

for eternity.

I want to have

a new relationship

with them.

I want to regard them

according to the spirit,

not according to the flesh.

And so there's an aspect

in which we can under,

we can look at

unbelievers like this

and be like,

wait a minute,

no.

They need to be

transformed,

you know.

I don't want to

commiserate with

their sin anymore.

So,

okay,

well,

I can't get to

everything here.

There are a few

objections to these

things.

I'm sure there's

a lot more

evidences.

Those should just

be one of them

that stood out to me.

A few objections

I want to speak to.

This is one of

the hard sayings.

I think R.C.

Sproul has a book

called Hard Sayings.

I can't remember

if this is in there

or not.

I think it is.

But anyway,

this is a hard say.

Luke 14, 26.

You got to hate

your family.

And if you don't,

you're not worthy

of being Jesus'

disciple.

Unqualified.

Hard.

It's difficult.

So,

I want to think

through a couple

objections to speak

to them real quick.

One is,

objection number one,

Jesus can't really

mean hate,

right?

That would

contradict all

the other commands

in the New Testament

about love.

You know,

love,

love, love, love.

There's love everywhere.

How could he

possibly mean we're

supposed to hate people

when we're supposed

to love them?

Especially our family

when we're commanded

to give priority

to our family

in love and affection

and service,

you know,

and all that.

How do these

mesh?

Okay.

I think there's two senses.

We can think of hate

in two ways.

These are these two

that occur to me.

Okay.

Number one is,

consider that also

in that passage

he said,

you.

He said,

you have to hate

your own life,

too.

Okay.

So,

how do we hate

our own life?

Well,

I can think of two ways

that I hate my own life.

One is,

that I know,

like Romans 7,

18 says,

that in my flesh

doles no good thing.

Okay.

I love Jesus.

He saved me.

He gave me a new heart.

I rejoice after God

in the innermost beauty.

But I see another principle

in me,

that when I want to do

what's right,

there's another force

inside of me

that sin.

It's important.

And I hate that guy.

I hate how selfish I am.

And I want to be free from it.

And I'm confident

that the Lord is

progressively sanctifying me

and giving me

increasing victory

over that indwelling sin.

I don't,

I hate that guy, though.

I hate him.

Any Christian,

if you're a Christian,

you know exactly

what I'm talking about.

If you don't,

you might need

to become a Christian.

Because this is evidence

of the Holy Spirit

as he teaches you

to recognize

your depravity

and hate it.

And,

in that sense,

we hate ourselves.

We say,

no,

I hate that guy.

I don't want to have

anything to do

with that guy.

I,

I want to live

for Jesus now.

He's my life.

Okay?

So,

how does this apply

to other people?

Well,

they are

just as much

a sinner as you are.

Okay?

So,

in the same sense

in which I hate

my own sin,

I can also recognize

it in my family.

And so,

you know what?

My self-centered,

self-preoccupied

infatuation

with my own

desires,

that sin,

was sending me

to hell.

And,

they got the same thing

and it's sending them

to hell.

And,

I'm not going to have

anything to do with it.

I'm not going to

commiserate with it.

I'm not going to

sympathize with it.

Because,

if I sympathize

with my own,

I'm screwed.

You know?

I can't sympathize

with it anymore.

I have to crucify it.

And,

they need to crucify it too.

And so,

I'm going to start

having more wisdom

with how I relate.

to their

sinful,

depraved nature

that's pulling them

headlong into the pit of hell.

And,

if they're Christians,

they're commanded

to be conformed

to the image of Jesus.

So,

I'm not going to

commiserate

with their sin

because it's preventing

them from being

conformed to the image

of Jesus.

So,

in neither of those

two areas am I going

to commiserate

with their sin anymore

because I don't

commiserate with my own.

Okay?

That was,

I died to him

on the cross.

So,

I'm therefore

commanded to mortify

therefore your members

which are upon the earth

in light of the fact

that I,

it was mortified

on the cross

by Jesus.

So,

that's one sense.

Okay?

Hating

our sinful nature

in ourselves

and in others

and stopping

commiserating with them.

You know?

And,

the second is

order of morals.

Order of loves.

I naturally

love myself

above everything.

That's the basic

default

human setting.

Me first.

Everyone else

can take a hike.

That's the default.

Clean God.

Okay?

Well,

that's wicked.

When God comes

into our life,

he completely flips it

around and it's

me first,

son.

I'm number one

and everything else

finds its right place

when I'm number one.

Okay?

So,

it's order of affection.

So,

in that sense,

I hate myself.

I say,

no,

I don't want anything

to do with that

selfish,

self-centered,

wicked guy

who makes him

the God of himself

and the God

of his whole life.

No.

Self

off the throne.

Jesus on the throne.

Well,

in the same way,

everyone else

is the same.

Like,

they're just,

they're preoccupied

with themselves,

you know?

And so,

no,

I'm not going to make them,

I'm not going to

let them be God.

And there's a tendency,

you know,

just,

we're not selfless

in our affection

with our family.

I guess that's part

of the point.

This natural affection

and connection

we have with family,

it has to do with self.

It's what I get

out of my family.

It doesn't have anything

to do with God

and what he gets out of them.

It's all about me.

And so,

in that sense,

I don't know if I'm making

that clear,

I think I'm bouncing

around a little bit.

It's,

I hate them

in the sense

that I'm

not letting them

be chief of my

affections anymore.

Just like I don't let

myself be the chief

of my affection anymore.

I don't let my family

be the chief of my

affection anymore.

They both get taken

off the throne.

Jesus is on the throne.

So,

anyway,

I think that there's

two senses in which

I think we can say,

hey,

and I think it

maintains the

strongness of the

language that he uses.

It's actually hate.

Okay?

It's not,

you know,

really disparate

affections.

It's actually hate.

Because the two things

he's pointing out

have to do with

idolatry

and our depravity.

And we are supposed

to hate those

and get those

completely out of

the ruling

seat on our hearts.

Okay.

I'm going to burn

through these

a little bit faster.

Okay.

Next objection.

My first ministry,

my primary responsibility

is to love and care

for my family.

How can I obey

this command

about hitting my family

and following Jesus?

It seems like a contradiction.

It's not a contradiction

because what they

actually need

is Christ's love.

What they need

is the Lord Jesus

to love them

through you.

All the commands

of the New Testament

about loving our family,

caring for our family,

Ephesians 5,

husbands loving your wives,

laying down your lives for,

wives submitting

to your husbands,

you know,

parents raising

your children,

children obeying

your parents,

all this stuff.

It's only,

you're only able

to obey it

through Jesus.

Okay.

He's the provision

for that love

and the accomplishing

of that commandment.

So how it works is

we give Jesus

first place

and he leads us

into obedience

to all those commandments.

He cares about them

way more than we do.

So we ought not think

that we need to contradict,

you know,

or set these two commandments

against each other.

This is actually

the fulfillment of it.

This is how Jesus

fulfills his command

to love people

by coming inside

our selfish heart

and loving people.

The delusion is

that we think

that we can actually

love people without God.

We don't.

Okay.

We're selfish.

We're super self-centered.

We're in it

for ourselves.

Okay.

I will love you

and do you good

as long as you do me good.

Okay.

That's the extent

of self-centered love.

As soon as you

stop doing me good,

you're done.

Jesus is not like that.

Those whom he loved,

he loved to end.

And that's what

our family needs.

Okay.

They don't need our love.

The other objection,

I've heard this a lot actually,

is this only applies

to unbelieving families,

not believers.

All right.

Why would you ever need

to hate or forsake

your believing family?

That has to be in reference

to pagans

who don't believe in God

and because you decide

to follow Jesus,

you have to,

you know,

separate.

Well,

that's obviously true too,

but he doesn't say anything

about the quality

of these people.

He just says,

they're family.

It has to do with

the place they hold

in our affections.

So,

anyway,

the last is,

I really want my family,

you know,

unbelieving or unchurched Christians,

I want them to follow Jesus

and this just doesn't seem

like a winsome approach.

Okay.

I would encourage us all

to consider the example

of Jesus.

Following Jesus

is not just

an abstract thing

that we just sort of imagine

and come up with our own idea

of what that looks like.

We have real examples

of what Jesus did.

We're commanded

to follow

his example

of what he did.

So,

my question is,

are you trying

to be more winsome

than the Lord Jesus Christ

with how you approach

missions in your family?

And if the answer is yes,

then you need to repent.

Okay.

God's in the business

of saving people.

We're in the business

of obeying Jesus

and being faithful.

Okay.

Sometimes we're trying

to do both

and then we're forced

into compromising

for long seasons of time.

I know this

from personal experience.

Okay.

So,

that's about it.

I'm going to run

through a few exhortations.

Exhortation number one

is specifically

for our church,

just praying

through our church.

I think these are meaningful

and they have bearing

on us.

Number one is

we just have to pick

family first

or Jesus first.

Okay.

You can't solve

doing both.

You cannot solve

that equation.

It's an unsolvable equation.

you have to pick

one or the other.

Okay.

That's how he calls it out.

That's what our response

has to be.

Second,

believers' families

are not exempt.

This does not just apply

to unbelieving families.

This just applies

to all Christians

and all families.

You can have

the most God-honoring,

gospel-glorifying family

on the face

of the planet

and you still

have to do this.

It doesn't matter

how good the person is,

they're not God.

Okay.

Jesus,

there's only one Jesus.

He's Lord of our heart.

Okay.

So he brings division

and he brings it

in the best of families.

So let him do it.

Second,

don't be ashamed

of Christ's words

and the division they cause.

We've already talked

about that a lot,

but just I want to

admonish us

not to do that.

This is how we,

this is how we

quench the spirit

is by

making the primary value

for our familial relationships

being having a happy,

good time

without any conflict.

That's not good.

Jesus is here

to bring conflict

for the salvation

of all of our souls.

Remember all the conflict

we had when we got saved.

Okay.

Like,

do we think that

that's just magically

not going to happen with him?

Especially when Jesus promises

and says,

hey,

this is how it's going to go.

There's going to be conflict.

Okay.

So we should just be okay

with that.

I think I'm going to stop.

Those are all the

expectations I have.

I just won't frame.

Okay.

Let's go.

Thank you.