Thriving In Marriage

1 Peter chapter 3, not a passage that is universally loved, and yet this is the word of the Lord, isn't it?

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

And we want to be attentive to it.

1 Peter 3 verse 1,

1 Peter 3:1

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of a word.

1 Peter 3 verse 1,

1 Peter 3:1

1 Peter 3 verse 1,

1 Peter 3:1

Amen.

Definitely not universally loved, right?

1 Peter 3 verse 1,

1 Peter 3:1

He basically said this section is a bit like a house.

Each room of the house is dealing with kind of a different category of suffering, a different category of person.

But the gateway, the doorway into this house is back in chapter 2 verses 11 and 12.

Will you just set your eyes on that again?

Peter says,

It says,

So remember, the doorway into this is to say there is a way that God intends for his people to live in the world, and the world is not going to like that.

The world will naturally look at that faith.

The world will naturally look at that faith and look at that way of life and actually call it evil.

And certainly we see that happening all the time in our culture.

That was certainly true in Peter's culture as well.

But then Peter says that as we do that and as we represent God in the world, faithfulness to him despite the suffering that may come as a result of us,

that God will use the testimony of our faith and of our good works in order to draw some of those unbelievers to Christ so that they might then be saved.

Now we see that being repeated here in this passage in chapter 3.

We see Peter's presenting a practical outworking of that in the home.

So what does Peter mean when he says we're exiles?

Well, one, he means that we don't belong to this world.

We belong to God, and our responsibility is to glorify him in the world, to be his light shining in the darkness of sin here.

But he also means that those who live as faithful Christians will inevitably suffer in a world that views them and their faith as suspicious, at least, and dangerous at worst.

And again, back in chapter 2 and verse 12, unbelievers will generally view Christians as evildoers on account of their faith,

at least their philosophies as evil and wrong, immoral.

And here, Peter is demonstrating what that often looks like.

While Christians are to honor earthly authorities, they are to fear God above all.

And that inevitably will lead to conflict and suffering when those who have some authoritative role in our lives

instruct us to do something that we know God is not pleased with,

and we decide to obey God instead of that earthly authority.

That earthly authority isn't going to look at our lives and say,

well, I'm just very grateful that you love your God.

No, that's not how they respond, typically, is it?

It's the opposite of that.

So in this section of the letter, Peter is instructing us how to rightly submit to authority,

even unbelieving authority and wicked authority, but to do so in the fear of God primarily,

always acknowledging God above human authorities.

And then, of course, he's teaching us how to endure the suffering that will come,

not by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps, right,

but by actually looking to Jesus and seeing the suffering of Christ.

That gives us hope on one hand, as we reflect on the atonement,

but it also gives us an example, doesn't it,

and how to faithfully follow him in suffering.

And when we get to this text, Peter is focusing on the third category of people

who are especially vulnerable to abuse on account of their faith.

After addressing Christian citizens in chapter 2 and then Christian slaves in chapter 2,

he now addresses Christian wives, Christian wives.

All three of these addresses, they're meant to work together here,

all three of them command submission in some regard,

the honoring of an authoritative role in your life,

even when that person, and maybe especially when that person,

is unbelieving and even wicked.

But we need to remember submission itself is not the goal of this text.

It's not that Peter is writing this because he really just wants us all

to be good, submissive people generally in our lives.

Submission is not the goal.

Being like Jesus is the goal.

The gravitational pull of this whole section is right in the heart of it.

At the end of chapter 2, where our attention is drawn to the suffering of Christ

and the atonement of Christ and his example.

His atonement then anchors our hope in a future salvation so that when we're the ones who are

suffering at the hands of evildoers on account of our faith,

we won't have a way to look at our circumstance and have hope in that circumstance.

But we can look to Jesus and say,

my hope is anchored there.

That my inheritance is not ultimately in this life.

My inheritance comes beyond this life.

And it is being kept in heaven for me.

Imperishable and undefiled and unfading.

And I am being kept for it by faith or by God through faith.

That's everything Peter's covered in the first chapter, right?

And now he says, he turns our attention to Jesus again and he says,

if you are the one who is in the position of suffering on account of your faith,

we look to Christ because that anchors our hope.

That it does get better.

Maybe not now, but it will.

And he will make all things right because he made all things right on the cross

when he provided salvation for us.

But it's not just our hope that it gives us.

It's an example.

He guides us on how to suffer well for his sake.

So that if you're a Christian citizen who is suffering under an oppressive government,

Peter says, this is how you faithfully follow in the footsteps of Jesus

by rightly submitting to earthly authorities in the fear of God.

And in his culture, at least, there was this dynamic of Christian slaves.

We might apply that in something of a parallel to what he was meaning there

to just our employment maybe.

Perhaps you're one who is suffering under an oppressive employer

or some type of relationship that fits that realm.

He says, here's how you suffer well and you follow in the steps of Jesus

as you submit insofar as you remain faithful to God in that submission.

And then he does it again here in chapter 3 as he looks to Christian wives.

We have an example in Christ here.

Certainly we have a hope in Christ here.

Now Peter does do something different at this point than he does in the previous two addresses.

He doesn't only address Christian wives who were vulnerable to abuse and suffering

at the hands of their husbands, particularly their unbelieving husbands.

He also addresses Christian husbands who were the ones who were in the position

to abuse their authority in the home.

And he confronts that here in this text.

And we need to keep both of those things in mind.

So in this text, it isn't just about wives or husbands.

It's about Christian marriage.

How do we thrive in Christian marriage in a world like ours and in the darkness of this world?

How can Christians represent God's kingdom and faithfully follow Jesus in their marriage?

And we understand as we read our Bibles, we understand that marriage, the home,

is the foundation of human flourishing.

God designed it that way, created it that way.

We also recognize that it's constantly under attack.

God's idea for the home, because it is the foundation for human flourishing,

is constantly being attacked.

Culture attempts to constantly redefine what it always is, what it is.

And of course, culture's definition of marriage is always absent of God.

It doesn't take God into account at all, does it?

Therefore, anything that God gives us in his word is immediately dismissed.

And what happens downstream from that is careless Christians and careless churches

who begin to be more influenced by their cultural ideas than they are by the word of God.

And we begin to see worldly philosophies of marriage begin to deteriorate in the church.

And we want to confront that, because God has called us to confront that.

What the Bible gives us in God's design for the home is not a theory.

It's not a theory anthropologically to figure out how to best get along together.

No, it's the difference between right and wrong, of righteousness and sinfulness,

of being faithful to the Lord or being unfaithful to the Lord.

So the stakes are high in a passage like this.

It's not just that it's controversial.

It's not just that it's sociological and that we can just kind of dismiss it.

No, this is actually quite important.

And if it wasn't, Peter wouldn't be addressing it here.

And so we need to give it the attention that it deserves.

I just want to break it up into the two sections, right?

There's an address to wives.

We're going to pull out three things from that address.

And then we're going to look at the address to husbands.

We're going to pull out three things from that address as well.

Here's the address to wives.

Most of the attention is given to that here in verses 1 to 6.

And it's this, Christian wives should submit to their husbands in the fear of God.

Christian wives, or we could say wives in general,

but particularly he's addressing Christians here.

Christian wives should submit to their husbands in the fear of God.

Now, no one in our culture likes the idea of submitting to authority at all.

But the notion that wives should submit to their husband's authority

or that the husband has a unique authority in the home at all,

it's not just disagreed with.

This is a principle that is loathed in our culture.

And it's not just by unbelievers.

This is a controversial idea even among Christians.

And I really do think that's in large part due to the fact

that there have been so many abuses of this doctrine through the years in Christian circles.

But that God-designed male headship in marriage is not at all obscure in the Bible.

It's actually quite clear.

It's very plain.

But we do need to understand exactly what that means and what it doesn't mean.

And Peter really helps us do that well here.

So the first thing we want to draw out from this is just the principle of submission.

Just the principle of submission.

We see this in the first two verses.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands,

so that even if some do not obey the word,

they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives

when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Now, Peter forces us here to link this text with the previous text.

He does that with that very simple word at the beginning, likewise.

In other words, he's saying we're going to move on to marriage here,

but don't forget about everything that I just said about Christian slaves and about Christian citizens.

He's building on what he's just said there.

The principles that he established in those places of authority and submission,

they still apply in this case.

And the big one is this,

that the husband's authority in the home is not absolute.

It is not an absolute authority any more than an employer's authority over his employees is an absolute authority

or that the government's authority over its citizens is an absolute authority.

No human has absolute authority.

And that's being built upon here.

Christian wives are to submit to their husbands in the fear of God

so that just as citizens and slaves in the previous text are supposed to honor their earthly authorities

or the authoritative roles that God has designed for their lives,

they are not to honor that above their fear of God.

And Peter actually says it explicitly, though in the ESV it doesn't become quite as plain,

but let me just explain it to you.

The end of verse 2, he says that Christian husbands may,

or unbelieving husbands may be won by the conduct of their Christian wives

when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

And we've already seen this word in this section.

If you look back to chapter 2, verse 18,

Servants, be subject to your masters with all what?

Respect.

Same word.

We addressed this there and we need to address it again here.

The word here is fear.

Tom Schreiner, he says a literal translation of this phrase is that they will observe your pure conduct,

righteous conduct, in fear.

The question is, to whom is this fear being directed?

To whom is this reverence and honor being directed in this verse?

Is it to the husbands that they will see your reverence for them?

Or is it to God that they will see your reverence to God?

Now this is why it's so important to keep context when you study your Bible.

Because we could take this one verse out, and I could really do a number on wives today,

about how your responsibility is to, above all things, give your husband unreserved reverence and fear.

That is not what Peter means to say here.

This respect and pure conduct has everything to do with fearing God.

It has everything to do with being faithful to the Lord.

Indeed, that's the thing that may win an unbelieving husband.

Not reverence for him.

What would your reverence for him do to point him toward Jesus?

No.

It's your reverence for God above him,

which results in a life that is pure and righteous and faithful.

And it is faithfulness and faith in our conduct that God uses to bring unbelievers to himself.

So the submission that Peter instructs here is a matter of function in the home,

not veneration of husbands as men.

Wives are to honor their husband's role,

but they are to fear the Lord above their husbands.

And that should show in their conduct.

And that's how their husbands may be one to Christ.

So what does it mean and what does it not mean?

Ladies, this text does not mean that you are a slave to your husband.

It does not mean that if he instructs you to do something sinful

or to abandon faithful Christianity or the faith in some way,

that you must comply just to keep the peace of your home.

It's not what this means.

It does not mean that you must always agree with him

and that you can never have a differing view from him.

I mean, we understand the reality of that, right?

I would be an absolute mess without Julie.

And you know that.

It doesn't mean that if he abuses you or is unfaithful to you,

that you must preserve that relationship at all costs.

It does not mean that you have no biblical recourse

for a hateful and abusive husband

who has abandoned the covenant that you've made with him.

That's not what this submission means.

We need to get that right.

Here's what it means.

It means that in the ordinary function of the home,

you are to recognize that God has given your husband

a responsibility to lead.

It's God given, whether he's a believer or not.

He will answer to God based on his leadership

because that responsibility has been given directly to him.

This submission really is about functioning in such a way

that you just recognize that.

You recognize that responsibility that he has

and you support and help him do that well

insofar as you are yourself living in the fear of God.

That's what it means.

Now, a couple other things are worth pointing out here

before we move on.

I want you to see that a wife's submission to her husband

is voluntary in this passage.

He addresses the wives.

Wives, you be subject to your husbands.

You choose to submit to the leadership of your husband

in your home.

It's voluntary.

It doesn't mean it's optional.

It just means that the responsibility to do it

falls squarely and wholly on the shoulders

of you as a wife.

It also means this.

For you husbands,

you are not authorized by God

to coerce your wife's submission.

You are not authorized by God

to punish its absence in your marriage.

There's no place in the scripture

where you have been given the authority by God to do that.

Yes, you must lead.

Yes, you must teach.

But a wife's submission to her husband

is a matter of personal obedience to God.

Just as the responsibility to lead the home

rests solely on the shoulders of that husband,

the responsibility to submit to the leadership of the husband

falls squarely on the shoulders of you as a wife.

That's what the scripture teaches us.

We understand this,

and Jonathan Lehman does a great job

of pointing this out in his book on authority.

God has given different kinds of authority

instruments of correction.

But not all authorities that are designed by God

have an instrument of correction.

The government does.

It's the sword.

They punish evildoers.

The church, the congregation,

has an instrument of correction.

It's the keys of the kingdom, right?

That's why we talk about church discipline.

Parents have the rod of correction

that's given to them by God

for the correction of their children.

Guess who does not have an instrument of correction

anywhere in the scriptures?

Husbands.

It's not your place

to force your wife into submission

or to subject her.

No, it's her place to obey the Lord.

That falls on her shoulders.

Second thing I think is helpful to point out here

is the power of faithful Christianity

in a rightly ordered marriage.

Just look again at what Peter says.

He's presenting the context here

which would have been very true

for many of the wives to whom he wrote.

Even if some do not obey the word,

they're unbelieving,

they may be won without a word

by the conduct of their wives.

This is really interesting, isn't it?

That a faithful wife

who lives in her home

first as a faithful disciple of Christ

which shows itself in proper

and right submission

to her husband's leadership

will be able to win an unbeliever,

an unbelieving husband to Christ

in the grace of God.

We might understand it this way.

What is the evangelistic role

of a Christian wife in the home

of an unbelieving husband?

We might understand what Peter's saying like this.

The most effective way

to win your husband to Christ

is not through evangelistic nagging.

He says if they don't obey the word of the gospel,

they may be won even without a word,

meaning that he's not telling wives

that their number one goal in the home

is to be an evangelist,

but that their number one goal in the home

is to be a faithful wife

and that it is in being faithful to God

as a faithful wife

that God will use

perhaps to bring their unbelieving husband

to faith.

Of course, we understand

salvation can't come apart

from the word of God.

We know that,

but I think he's emphasizing here

that your conduct in the home,

just faithfulness as a wife matters.

It matters a great deal

not to the Lord

but also to the power

of the gospel at work

in your husband's life.

So that's the principle of submission.

Secondly, we see the beauty of holiness.

The beauty of holiness.

Look at verses three and four.

Peter continues and it's connected.

He says,

Do not let your adorning be external,

the braiding of hair

and putting on of gold jewelry

or the clothing you wear.

Let your adorning,

your adornment,

be the hidden person of the heart

with the imperishable beauty

of a gentle and quiet spirit

which in God's sight

is very precious.

Peter's moving now

from the basic principle of submission

to the beauty of holiness

that produces it.

This is about character

and pursuing character

that gives way

eventually

to biblical submission

and the home.

And he makes the point

really in an interesting way.

He contrasts here

what the world values

with what God values.

Notice the language.

We've seen it a number of times now

in the letter, haven't we?

Notice he talks about

perishable and imperishable.

This is clearly on Peter's mind

as he sits down to write this letter.

He's used it over and over and over

to create these distinctions

between the world

and between the sacred

and of God's people

in the letter.

And here he says

there is something

that the world values

and it's perishable

but there's something

that God values about you

and it's imperishable

and it's unfading.

And what is it?

It's the beauty of holiness.

True beauty isn't

in external adornment

but it's in the hidden person

of the heart, he says.

Therefore the Christian woman's pursuit

is not the external trappings

of physical beauty

but the character of the heart

that is precious

in the sight of God.

And Peter's point is this

that holy character

is the place from which

a wife's godly submission

to her husband springs forth.

Submission isn't a social construct

meant to oppress women

and treat them as inferior to men.

That's not what the biblical idea is.

That's been abused in many places

but that's not actually

what the Bible teaches.

It's actually the fruit of godliness

that flows from a woman's desire

to know and please God.

Now some people have looked at this

and they've taken it too far

and you can see this

in some Christian circles

where they've said

well it's actually sinful

for a woman to fix her hair

or to wear jewelry

or to wear makeup

or to care about the way she looks.

That's not what Peter means.

He's not saying

that external adornment is sinful.

He's saying that it's not the priority.

That's not where your value is.

Now I want you to think about this

for just a second.

I want you to consider

Peter's exalted view of women here.

It's counter-cultural.

Certainly it was counter-cultural

to his day.

It's counter-cultural to our day.

And it's really simply this.

Ladies,

you are more than how you look.

You're more than how you look.

I want to suggest

that it's actually

the cultural view of women

that's actually so oppressive.

There's an enormous amount of pressure

on women to conform

to a particular idea

of physical beauty.

And the culture machine

has worked hard

to flip the truth on its head.

It markets vanity as virtue.

So that body modification

and obsessive dieting

and age prevention procedures

and materialism,

they're all built as self-care.

So then the world

puts this idea of beauty,

an unrealistic

and fabricated idea

that isn't real.

It's even less than human.

They say,

this is the idea of beauty

and you can't live up to that

unless you do

all of these things

and then you do

all of those things

and guess what?

Our bodies still fade,

don't they?

We still age.

then it tells you

that in order to gain

the self-esteem

which is supposed

to be your priority

that you have to trace

after youth.

Do you see the oppression

in that?

It's a vicious cycle.

It says that a woman's value

ultimately

is in how she looks.

The Bible teaches

the opposite of that.

Peter says it clearly.

You are more

than how you look.

Your value

is not in your youthfulness.

Your value

is not in what you have.

Your value

is not in

your style

or whatever.

He isn't saying

that adornment itself

is sinful.

He's saying that

external beauty

isn't the measure

of a woman's value.

So it shouldn't be

the main focus

of your life.

Because beauty

is perishable,

isn't it?

And it will always

be perishable.

And you know what?

That's okay.

It's okay

because your value

isn't in your youth anyways.

It's in who you are

as an image bearer

of God.

And it's demonstrated

primarily

in the cross of Christ.

That he did not die

for your beauty.

He died out of love

for your soul.

And I think Peter

is helping us

to remember this here.

In contrast

to the perishability

of external adornment,

he speaks of

the imperishable beauty

of a gentle

and quiet spirit

which in God's sight

is very precious.

What does that mean?

What does it mean

to be gentle

and quiet?

That in itself

feels offensive,

doesn't it?

Do you recognize

that this is exactly

how Jesus

described himself?

Matthew 11, 28

He says,

come to me

all who labor

and are heavy laden

and I will give you rest.

And how is it

that he's capable

of giving us rest?

Because he immediately

goes back

and he says,

because I am gentle

and lowly in heart.

my yoke is easy

and my burden

is light

and if you come to me

you will find rest

for your soul.

You know what Peter

is saying that

a godly woman

looks like?

She looks like Jesus.

She looks like Jesus.

This doesn't mean

that you must be silent.

That's not what this is.

It doesn't mean

that you can't have

vigor

in personality

or in your home.

It certainly

doesn't mean that.

I know your husband's

well enough to know

that you need

to be vigorous

in the home.

It means that

the beauty

of a godly wife

is when her spirit

is a place of

rest

and refuge

rather than war.

I know your husband's

well enough to know

that they know

that you are women

of rest.

That they don't have

to come home to war.

And coming on to you

is like coming home

to Jesus

over and over

and over again.

Because you're

modeling how he is

in your home.

That's

the beauty

of holiness.

Isn't it?

It's another way

of describing

meekness.

Meekness isn't

weakness.

Meekness is actually

power

and capability

that's controlled

and channeled

for righteousness.

Meekness

often looks like

submission

in lots of

different relationships.

But especially

in marriage.

And God says

that's a precious

thing in his sight.

External beauty

will always fade.

Godliness is

imperishable.

And if you take

nothing else

from this ladies

take this

that your value

is not in how

you look.

it is in the

value that

God has placed

on you as his

creature.

And that he has

demonstrated his

love for on the

cross.

There's a third

thing here.

I don't mean to

just dwell on this

forever but

there's a third

thing here that I

think is helpful

for us and it's

the faith of

submission.

The faith of

submission.

We see this in

verses 5 and 6.

Peter grounds

this discussion.

He says this is

how the holy

women who hoped

in God used

to adorn

themselves by

submitting to

their own

husbands.

And he illustrates

it as Sarah

obeyed Abraham

calling him

Lord.

And you are

her children.

That's interesting

isn't it?

Who is typically

referred to in

the Bible when

we're thinking of

spiritual things?

We are the

children of who?

Of Abraham.

And here Peter

doesn't say that

we're the children

of Abraham does

he looks at

these wives and

says the

no you're the

children of Sarah.

I think that's

significant actually.

You are her

children if you

do good and do

not fear anything

that is frightening.

Now he's merging

here the principle

of submission with

the idea of

adornment and he

insists that the

holy women of old

live this way not

because of their

culture or a

cultural idea but

because they quote

hoped in God.

do you see what's

at the heart of

this life of

submission or this

way of life in the

home?

It's faith.

It's hope.

It's trust in the

Lord.

They didn't adorn

themselves in

submission out of a

blind reverence for

men but a full

trust in God's

promises and

provision.

In other words

it takes tremendous

faith in God

not in men for a

wife to submit to

her husband's

leadership.

Sarah is the

one that Peter

points to to

illustrate his

point and I want

you to think

about that.

You know her

life.

You know her

story.

God's call of

Abraham was also

a call to Sarah

as his wife and

it took amazing

faith for her to

follow Abraham as

they left their

home and what they

knew in Ur of the

Chaldees to go and

wander in the

wilderness of a

foreign country.

She spent her life

wondering.

Not because she

just really loved

Abraham though I

think she did but

because she trusted

God.

It took just as much

faith for her as it

did from Abraham to

believe that God

would give them a

son well after

childbearing years.

It took tremendous

faith for her to

trust in God's

promises and in

God's protection when

her husband Abraham

repeatedly put her

in vulnerable

positions.

Do you remember

what he did?

He forced her on

multiple occasions to

lie about who she

was.

And you know what

she did?

She loved her

husband well but she

trusted that God would

protect her even if

Abraham had failed to.

That's amazing faith.

We can look at Sarah's

worst moment in

Genesis and what is

it basically traced

back to?

That in that moment she

wasn't trusting God to

fulfill a promise.

She decided to take

matters into her own

hands and force

Abraham to have sex

with her slave.

But through it all

she adorned herself in

submission not because

of Abraham but because

she believed God.

Her submission to

Abraham was the sign of

her submission to God

and the result of that

is amazing.

It's the blessing of

God's promises which

eventually lead to the

coming of Christ so

that we might be saved.

And Peter says ladies

you will be the

children of Sarah the

matriarch of God's

people when you trust

God like she trusted

God.

And that trust will

force you in some way

to follow the leadership

of a man who you

can't trust like you

can God.

You're the children of

Sarah when you live in

faith of submission even

when it's a fearful

thing to do.

And for some of you and

for some of your friends

that you may would have

these conversations with

what's frightening could

just be the unknowns of

where your husband may

lead you.

Maybe you're a planner and

you like to have things in

order and maybe he likes

to fly by the seat of

his pants a little bit

and just says we'll

just we'll figure it out

as we go and you have

to say that's a scary

thing for me.

But I gotta follow my

husband I'm gonna help

him in any way that I

can.

Right?

That's a fearful thing to

do isn't it?

Of course it gets worse

than that doesn't it?

Sometimes Christian women

are just married to

morons right?

It's a fearful thing to

have to continually follow

him poor decision after

poor decision after poor

decision.

It's a fearful thing to do.

For some it's even worse

than that.

What's frightening is an

unbelieving husband who

does not love you or lead

you the way that the

Bible demands for him to

do.

Maybe it's an abusive

husband.

It's frightening things

isn't it?

And you need to remember

that even in the most

fearful moments God is

faithful even when your

husband is not.

And his grace is

sufficient for you even

when your husband's

leadership is not.

So keep hoping in him

and trusting that he is

working for your good

and pursue the beauty of

holiness and just watch

the way that he works in

your life and in the life

of your husband.

All right.

Well that's a lot for the

women.

Peter doesn't just talk to

the wives does he?

We move on to the men now.

Here's the second big

section.

Christian husbands should

lead their homes in the

fear of God.

Christian husbands should

lead their homes in the

fear of God.

The first one Christian

wives should submit to

their husbands in the

fear of God.

Now husbands are to

rightly lead their homes

in the fear of God.

Look at verse seven.

Likewise husbands live

with your wives in an

understanding way showing

honor to the woman as the

weaker vessel since they

are heirs with you of the

grace of life so that your

prayers may not be

hindered.

Now remember the focus of

this part of the letter is

on how to faithfully live as

God's people when under

authority especially the

authority of unbelievers.

So Peter's primary subjects

here if we can just look at

the bigger picture for again

for just a second I don't mean

to just beat a dead horse

here but if we just look at

the big picture again he's

dealing with citizens who

live under the authoritative

role of unbelievers.

He's looking at slaves Christian

slaves who live under the

authoritative role of

unbelieving masters and then

he's looking at Christian

wives who live under the

authoritative role of an

unbelieving husband.

This sticks out because it's

the first time in all of

those situations that Peter

addresses the other role.

The role that's not so much

in a position of vulnerability

in the relationship.

But the reason that he doesn't

spend so much time here is

because the focus is on the

one who suffers.

The one who's vulnerable in

the section.

But it is helpful that he

moves on to this isn't it?

When Peter does something

here in these two sections

he takes this moment to

address them.

Christian wives will thrive in

exile as they submit in the

fear of the Lord.

Christian men will do so when

they lovingly lead their homes

in the fear of the Lord.

And when the home functions

according to God's will

everybody wins.

And that's what we learn

from this.

Likewise again ties this all

together doesn't it?

He says it again at the

beginning of verse 7.

He doesn't mean it exactly in

the same way as before.

The context is changing now.

He doesn't mean that husbands

are now to submit to their

wives.

That would be counterintuitive

to the discussion.

The likewise here relates to

living in the fear of God.

So they are not the vulnerable

in the relationship now.

They're the authoritative one in

the relationship and they are

to exercise that authority in

the fear of God as one who is

under the authority of God.

In the case of Christian

husbands living in the fear of

God means lovingly leading your

wife as an equal in Christ

Jesus.

Not as an inferior but as an

equal.

And there's three things we can

just maybe quickly note here.

Number one men live with your

wife in intimate care.

Live with your wife in intimate

care.

Look at the beginning of the

verse.

Likewise husbands live with your

wives in an understanding way.

In an understanding way.

What does that mean?

Well it's clear isn't it?

You need to know her.

And you need to pursue knowing

her.

But it's not just intellectual

knowledge that Peter has in mind

here men.

The understanding that Peter

refers to is the same word to

know that's routinely used in the

Bible as relational intimacy.

Which may be a scary phrase for

you but don't let that scare you

away.

That's a godly thing.

Typically in the Bible when the

Bible says that a man knows his

wife or knew his wife it's

referring to sexual intercourse.

Peter is not referring to sex here.

Don't misunderstand me.

But he is talking about the

intimacy of relationship that

leads to a healthy marriage.

This is a man who lives to know

his wife well.

He adores her.

He pursues her.

He wants to know her intimately

as a person so that he might best

care for her.

That's the end goal isn't it?

I want to know her so that I might

rightly under the authority of God

love her and care for her as an

individual.

Which may look different than how he

would care or love an individual

who is not his wife.

It's a man who doesn't view his role

as one to be served.

Rather he understands his authority

to be given to him so that he might

serve her.

And in order to serve her and to

faithfully lead her you must know her

intimately, lovingly, caringly.

And to do that well men we must learn to

pursue relational intimacy with our wives

so that we might use our authority to

care well for them.

Maybe that's men just as simple as regular

date nights where you can just learn a little

bit better what makes her tick.

And all of you men have been married a long

time.

Those of you and you young people back there

at the back table you can just listen and

learn for your future, right?

You've been married long enough to know

that in those early days you think you know

your wife.

And then you realize I don't know this person

at all.

And if that's scary for you imagine what she

was thinking.

You've been married 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 years.

I know Marty and Fay are getting close to that

now.

And you don't really know your wife.

What have you been doing?

How can you lovingly lead somebody that you

don't really know well?

You know what this is a picture of?

Pursuit.

Not the pursuit of physical intimacy.

The pursuit of her as a person so that you

might use your authority rightly in the fear

of God.

Live with her with intimate care.

Second, love your wife like a treasured

possession.

Love her like a treasured possession.

I don't mean to insinuate that your wife is

your possession.

That's not what I mean by that.

But I want you to see what Peter says.

Second part of the verse.

Live with your wives in an understanding

way showing honor to the woman as the weaker

vessel.

Ladies, don't get upset at that.

What does he mean when he says weaker

vessel?

He's not speaking about emotional weakness there

because we know that women are not emotionally

weaker than men.

He's not talking about spiritual weakness because we

know that sometimes the mainstay of spiritual life in a

home is the wife, not the husband.

He's just speaking of generally physical weakness.

You are just not quite as strong as your husband is for the most part.

There may be some exceptions, but generally it's not true.

But why does he say that?

Because the temptation for the strong one will always be to abuse the weaker

one.

To treat the weaker one as if they exist to serve him.

And when that service doesn't happen the way that he means for it to happen,

he responds with intimidation and domination.

Peter's confronting that here.

That's the idea.

That's not a godly thing.

In fact, it's wicked.

And it's worthy of God's judgment.

And it will receive God's judgment.

No, you are to view your wife like the most treasured thing in your life.

Like a precious thing that you don't want broken, that you don't want stolen,

that you don't want hindered in any way.

And you're going to use your authority to honor the preciousness of your wife so

that you might protect her, love her, and lead her well.

So in Peter's words, you will honor her for her preciousness.

Men, your role is to love and cherish and protect her as a precious and

treasured vessel.

Third thing, lead your wife, not as an inferior because that's not what she is.

Lead your wife as an equal heir of the grace of God.

Lead your wife as an equal heir of the grace of God.

This is why the earlier discussion at the beginning,

we're just trying to parse through some of the misunderstandings about this

conversation.

That's why this is so important.

The wrong idea is to say, well, I must lead my wife because she is less than me as a woman.

That's just not true.

The Bible never says that in any way.

This is a matter of function.

In the home, as in many other places, there must be a relationship of authority and submission

for the home to function well.

God has designed it to function with a husband leading his home faithfully.

Not leading his wife as an inferior but as an equal.

And yet they have differing responsibilities.

That's why we call ourselves complementarians.

We have complementary roles in the home for human flourishing.

So that authority and submission in the home, they're not matters of superiority.

They're matters of function.

Men and women are equal in their dignity.

They're equal in their worth as people made in the image of God.

And even more, Christian men and women are equal heirs of God's salvation.

Your inheritance, ladies, is exactly the same as your husband's inheritance in heaven.

It's the same.

Why?

Because in Christ, there is no male and female.

That's what Paul says in Galatians 3.

There's neither Jew or Greek.

There's neither slave or free.

There's neither male or female.

You are all one in Christ Jesus.

And if you are in Christ Jesus, then you are Abraham's offspring.

Heirs according to the promise.

Joint heirs with Jesus is who we are as believers.

And the essential equality does not deny male headship.

It clarifies it.

It clarifies it lest we misunderstand God's design as dominance or superiority.

No, it's actually sacrificial service.

Men are to lead their wives in light of the gospel of Jesus.

Husbands, you are to recognize your wife as an equal heir of grace.

And your leadership is to be modeled after him who loved the church and gave himself for her, Paul said in Ephesians 5.

You're to lead your wife as an equal means of loving her as your own body.

For he who loves his wife loves himself, Paul says in Ephesians 5.

So there's this warning that Peter then brings to the surface after all of that.

He says, men, if you fail in leading your wives in the fear of God,

you should have no expectation that God will just be at your beckoning call to meet your needs.

That's a strong warning, isn't it?

Isn't that what he says?

Since there are heirs with you of the grace of life, do this so that your prayers won't be hindered.

What does he mean by the prayers there?

It doesn't mean that God is deaf to us.

He means that why would we have any expectation of God meeting our needs when we're unwilling to meet the needs of our wives?

Christian men, they need to model this kind of intimate care and love to the rest of the world.

Why?

Because it displays the gospel.

Displays Jesus' love for his people.

His sacrificial love.

Women are to model this kind of godly submission to the world.

Why?

Because it displays the gospel.

The gospel of faith and trust in the Lord.

God, again, created marriage as the foundational institution of society.

And that's why Christians are always so eager to defend and confirm it, right?

That's why we care about that.

We need to care about it.

But then, of course, few things are more loathed than this idea in our culture, too.

And that means that to live faithfully as God's people, Christians will inevitably be working against the grain of our culture.

And the adversary knows how important biblical marriage is.

He attacks it both on the left, who seeks to redefine marriage, and he attacks it on the right, by those who would take what God has said and twist it for their own sake.

As God's people, we must remain faithful to God's design, even when it's costly.

And that's why it's so important to see how faith is at the heart of Peter's addresses here.

Men and women must simply trust God to live this way.

We must view our marriages through the lens of the gospel.

We must determine to display God's glory and biblical authority and submission to the world.

And as we've seen, this is how God will draw men and women to himself.

Keeping our eyes on Jesus, we will persevere in hope, even when in a broken relationship, if that's your experience.

Or perhaps maybe you know someone you could counsel who's had that experience.

And in the end, this is how Christians thrive in exile.

This is how Christian marriage thrives in exile.