Relating to Others in the Family

If you have your Bible with you, you can open it up to 1 Timothy.

We're continuing our way through the book.

And with the exception of the last verse of chapter 3,

we have now finished the first four chapters of the book,

so we've only got two left.

And today we're going to pick up Paul's letter here in chapter 5.

1 Timothy chapter 5.

1 Timothy 5 · chapter mention

Let me read our passage for us this morning.

Beginning in verse 1.

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father.

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers,

and younger women as sisters with absolute purity.

Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need.

But if a widow has children or grandchildren,

these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice

by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents.

For this is pleasing to God.

The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God

and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.

But the widow who lives for pleasure is dead even while she lives.

Give the people these instructions so that no one may be open to blame.

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives and especially for their own household

has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

No widow may be put on the list of widows unless she is over 60,

has been faithful to her husband, and is well known for her good deeds,

such as bringing up children, showing hospitality,

washing the feet of the Lord's people,

helping those in trouble,

and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.

As for younger widows,

do not put them on such a list,

for when their sensual desires overcome their dedication to Christ,

they want to marry.

Thus they bring judgment on themselves

because they have broken their first pledge.

Besides,

they get into the habit of being idle

and going about from house to house,

and not only do they become idlers,

but also busybodies,

who talk nonsense,

saying things they ought not to.

So I counsel younger widows to marry,

to have children,

to manage their homes,

and to give the enemy no opportunity for slander.

Some have in fact already turned away to follow Satan.

If any woman who is a believer has widows in her care,

she should continue to help them

and not let the church be burdened with them

so that the church can help those widows

who are really in need.

This passage has two distinct parts.

In the first part,

Paul gives instructions to Timothy

about how to relate to other people in the church.

That's in verses 1 and 2.

The second part contains instructions

for how to care for widows in the church,

which is verse 3 all the way down to 16.

And with only a quick read-through of this passage,

we may think that these words are not really that relevant to us.

Unless, of course, we have a large church

with a whole bunch of widows.

But if we take time to really reflect

over the meaning of these words,

there's actually a lot here that applies to us.

Let's start at the top with the first couple verses.

Paul says to Timothy,

Do not rebuke an older man harshly,

but exhort him as if he were your father.

Treat younger men as brothers,

older women as mothers,

and younger women as sisters

with absolute purity.

We all have all kinds of differences

here in the church,

but we have been brought together

by our common faith in Jesus.

But now, how are we to get along

with one another?

Jesus says,

Treat one another as family.

Now, family relationships in a fallen world

are not always easy.

Sometimes they fail to be what they should be.

But we all know the ideal.

We all have a yearning for good family relationships.

We all know that friends come and go,

but family will always be family.

The son of your mother

will always be your brother.

And there's to be a special loyalty

and commitment that goes with family.

Treat one another here in the church

as family.

Like that,

says Jesus.

This is one of the main themes

of this whole letter to Timothy.

If we look back to chapter 3,

Paul said,

I'm writing you these instructions

so that you will know

how people ought to conduct themselves

in God's household,

which is the church of the living God.

So what is the church?

It is a household.

A family.

And so we are to treat one another

as family,

says Christ.

We are to be like brothers and sisters

to one another,

mothers and fathers

and sons and daughters

to each other.

There are at least two aspects of family

that should be reflected

in our relationships

with each other here in the church.

One is purity

and the other

is care for each other's needs.

Look at what Paul says here in verse 2.

He says,

Treat younger women as sisters

with absolute purity.

Sometimes we may wonder

how to interact.

How do we conduct ourselves

with the members

of the opposite sex

here in the church?

Well, Christ makes it

really simple for us.

He says,

Just treat them like you would

a family member

of the opposite sex

with absolute purity.

which for us men

means

be a good brother

to the women.

A good brother

watches out

for his sisters.

A good brother

uses his strength

to protect his sisters.

A good brother

never even thinks

about doing anything

inappropriate

with his sisters.

She's your sister.

A good brother

longs for his sister

to be loved and cherished

by an honorable man.

A good brother

helps his sister out

when she's in need

of assistance.

A good brother

talks to his sisters

and asks them

how they're doing.

Cares about the things

going on in their lives

when they're together.

And I could go on,

but you get the idea.

And this principle

of family applies

in all the other ways

as well.

Women

be good sisters

to the men

in the church.

What does that mean?

I'm not going to

flesh all of these

out,

but I would encourage

us all to reflect

on these things

this week.

What does it mean

to be a good brother

to the women

in the church?

What does it mean

to be a good sister

to the men

in the church?

For those of us

who are younger,

what does it mean

to treat older men

in the church

as you would

your father?

How should you

treat your father?

Paul tells us

in this passage

just one way,

one example.

He says,

don't rebuke them

harshly,

but exhort them

or bring up

an issue with them

respectfully,

gently.

That's just one example.

How else should you

treat your father?

It reflects on how

we should interact

with the older men

in the church.

How should you

treat your mother?

Same thing

towards the women.

How does a good father

or mother

treat their children?

How should we relate

to all the children

here in the church?

Family is the pattern

that God has given us.

More than that,

family is the spiritual reality

that Jesus has brought

about for us.

It's not just a pattern

to follow,

it's who we are

in Christ.

We are brothers

and sisters

through our union

with him.

The church is not a club

or an organization

like we see in the world.

It's a family.

And family relationships

are marked by purity.

That's the first thing

we aspect,

we see a family.

And the second one,

family relationships

are marked by care

for one another.

And not just the neighborly care,

but another level

of care for one another.

And we're going to see

that fleshed out fully

in the next verses

as it pertains to widows.

But let's just think

about this in general.

Family has each other's backs.

Family sacrifices

in love for each other.

Family stays by your side

when you're in the hospital.

family will not let you

go hungry

when times are hard.

Family makes time

for each other.

Family cares deeply

about the dignity

and honor

of each other.

And that's how we're to be

as a church

in our relationships

with each other.

Family.

Because we are

the household of God.

So I want to encourage

us all to just reflect

on this this week

to ask ourselves

this question.

How have I been relating

to the various other people

in the church?

Some of you are

wonderful examples

of this

and I noticed it right away

when I first moved here

six years ago

that this church

had more of a feeling

of family

than any other church

I had been in before.

But let's not think

that we've fully arrived yet.

We can grow closer.

We can grow stronger.

We can grow healthier

as a family.

As a household.

And so I want to invite

each of you

to take time this week

to reflect

on your own relationships

with the people

in the church.

How have I been treating

others in the church?

May the Lord speak to us

about that

this week.

Now on the topic

of family

what comes next

in verses

3 to 16

makes a lot of sense.

Paul's not just

trying to help

Timothy solve

some challenging issue

that's only relevant

to Ephesus

with these widows.

It's more than that.

He's showing how

this kind of

familial care

should happen

for the neediest

members

of the church.

For the widows.

what's it like

to be a widow?

A widow is a woman

who was married

but whose husband

has died

and is now

unmarried.

And back in these days

they didn't have

Canada Pension Plan

or old age security

so an older

widow

might find herself

in a real bind

after her husband

passed away.

And so

Paul urges

Timothy

to apply

this principle

of family care

and love

to those

who are truly

in need

in the larger

church family.

He says

give proper

recognition

to those widows

who are really

in need.

Don't overlook

them.

Don't let them

lack

the basic

needs

or the provisions.

Treat them

honorably

as if they

were part

of your

family

and see

to it

that their

needs

are met.

And as Paul

goes on

we notice

that there

are some

other important

instructions

that he has

when it comes

to this.

The church

is to help

provide for

widows

who are in

need

but

the church

is not

to become

a sort

of assisted

living

household

where

sons and

daughters

just drop

off their

parents

in their

elderly

years

for free

care

and then

the children

can go

off and

live their

lives.

In verse

4

But if a

widow has

children or

grandchildren

these should

learn first

of all

to put

their religion

into practice

by caring

for their

own family

and so

repaying

their parents

and grandparents

for this

is pleasing

to God.

This is a

really strong

statement.

Your mother

father

or your

grandmother

or your

aging

parents

or

grandparents

they are

your own

family

says Paul

and you

owe it

to them

to care

for them

and to

provide

for them

if they

should fall

into a

position

of real

need.

So yes

the church

should

provide

for widows

who are

in need

but that

familial

responsibility

falls first

to their

own

sons and

daughters

and not

just sons

and daughters

but even

grandchildren

and the

language here

is so

strong

Paul uses

that language

of repayment

of returning

compensation

which means

that all

of us

owe our

parents

a great

debt.

They brought

us into

the world

they carried

us with

them

they provided

for our

needs when

we were

utterly

dependent

and helpless

it was

a huge

life

sacrifice

of love

that was

given to

all of us

by our

parents.

Now I

know that

there's

exceptions

to that

there are

some who

haven't had

good parents

some who

have grown

up in

foster care

or been

adopted

but on

the general

on the

whole

we owe

our parents

a great

debt.

Paul says

that we

should put

our religion

into practice

we should

put our

faith

into action

by caring

for

our

parents

by returning

to them

what they

gave to

us

for this

is pleasing

to God

it is

God's

will

that you

look after

your parents

and grandparents

just as they

looked after

you

when you

were dependent

that's what

family is

about

it's about

commitment

loyalty

it's about

self-sacrificial

love

for one

another

that's what

your mom

and dad

had for

you

for almost

two decades

of your

life

when you

were a

dependent

in need

and so

a follower

of Christ

ought to

do the

same

for their

mother

or father

who comes

to that

place

of being

dependent

and in

need

we also

notice that

this instruction

presumes

that the

children

or maybe

one of the

grandchildren

are

believers

he says

the children

or the

grandchildren

should learn

first of all

to put

their religion

into practice

by caring

for their

own

family

and so

if a widow

doesn't have

believing

children

or

grandchildren

and those

children

they do

have

are

not

willing

to help

them out

well that's

a place

where a

widow

is truly

in need

that's a

place where

the church

needs to

step in

and provide

for them

as a

family

ought to

whether it's

finances

or a

place to

live

or meals

or whatever

and this

responsibility

to care for

mom in her

old age

is part of

a larger

principle

that applies

to family

in general

Paul goes

on a few

verses down

in verse

8

and he makes

this

another

strong statement

he says

anyone who

does not

provide for

their

relatives

and especially

for their

own household

has denied

the faith

and is worse

than an

unbeliever

so it's

relevant to

more than

just looking

after mom

in her

old age

yes it

would apply

to dad

too

it would

include

for those

of us

who are

parents

providing

for the

needs

of our

children

those of

our own

family

our own

household

this is

the

responsibility

of every

parent

to provide

for the

needs

of our

own

households

our own

families

which means

that those

parents who

who work

outside the

home

to put

an income

in the

bank

to provide

for their

families

you're doing

the will

of God

when you

go to

work

it's

the will

of God

that both

men and

women

provide

for our

families

that we

look after

our

relatives

and the

warning

here

couldn't

be any

stronger

he says

if you

fail to

do this

for your

mother

your father

who's in

need

or for

your own

household

you have

denied

the faith

and are

worse

than an

unbeliever

so following

Jesus

and faith

in Jesus

it must

work itself

out in

caring

for one's

own

family

Paul says

give the

people these

instructions

so that no

one may be

open to

blame

verse 7

so how

do these

statements

apply to

you today

what's your

life situation

that you're

in right

now

do you

have aging

parents

that are

in need

of

assistance

do you

have

children

at home

before we

get to

any talk

of the

church

stepping

in to

regularly

meet

the

basic

needs

of

individuals

we

first

have

to

own

this

responsibility

each

of us

to our

own

families

but then

we can't

stop there

we must

go on

to

what we

already

read

in

verse

3

to

giving

proper

recognition

to those

who are

truly

in need

and much

of the

rest of

this

passage

is aimed

at helping

the church

minister to

these

widows

well

now in

our

church

today

we only

have

one

widow

so we're

going to

kind of

zoom out

a bit

and take

a larger

principle

here

but in

order to

do that

we kind

of have

to still

understand

the contours

of how

this applies

to widows

so we

see several

principles

emerge

here

first

we hear

Paul call

us to

really consider

the plight

of the

widow

this in

verse

5

he says

the widow

who is

really in

need

and left

all alone

puts her

hope

in God

and continues

night and

day to

pray and

to ask

God for

help

so Paul's

inviting us

to really

look at

and consider

what it's

like to

be a

widow

if she's

really in

need

if she's

all alone

with nobody

to help

her out

she's in

a desperate

situation

and the

picture he

paints

as a

person of

faith

in the

church

is what

we're

talking

about

she's

crying

out to

God

day and

night

asking

for help

so it's

not enough

for us

to just

ask the

question

of who's

a widow

in our

church

we have

to go

beyond

that

what is

it like

for them

to be

in that

situation

now let's

take a step

back and

consider the

larger

principle

here

who are

the needy

among us

not just

the widows

but needy

in other

ways

there's more

than one

kind of life

situation

that can

leave someone

in need

and desperate

praying

like this

praying to

God

day and

night

for help

what is it

like for

the person

among us

who has

a disability

a severe

disability

or who's

suffering with

debilitating

health issues

or chronic

pain

what's it

like for the

person whose

spouse has

badly mistreated

them

or abandoned

them

or the

person who's

been laid

off and

can't find

work

these are

not just

hypothetical

questions of

what to do

in these

situations

Paul's calling

us to really

know and

feel

what it's

like for

people in

our church

that are

in need

so that's

the first

principle here

as Christians

we are to

be deeply

sympathetic

to the

situation

of the

needy

among us

but then

Paul does

something

surprising

here

he lets us

know that

there's more

than one

kind of

widow

as we just

heard there's

the widow

who's really

in need

but then in

verse 6

there is

he says

but the

widow who

lives for

pleasure is

dead even

while she

lives

down in

verse 11

he goes

on and

says as

for younger

widows

do not

put them

on such

a list

for when

their sensual

desires overcome

their dedication

to Christ

they want

to marry

thus they

bring judgment

on themselves

because they

have broken

their first

pledge

besides

they get

into the

habit of

being idle

and going

about from

house to

house

and not

only do

they become

idlers

but also

busybodies

who talk

nonsense

saying things

they ought

not to

so I

counsel younger

widows

to marry

to have

children

to manage

their homes

and to give

the enemy

no opportunity

for slander

some have

in fact

already

turned away

to follow

Satan

so Paul

distinguishes

between two

kinds of

widows

there's the

widow who

is really

in need

and to be

put on the

list for

receiving

regular help

from the

church

she must

be at

least 60

years old

Paul says

in verse

9

but then

there are

also some

widows who

are given

to pleasure

sensuality

gossip

and who

with regular

financial

support

from the

church

would be

lazy

or idle

so in

this situation

being on

regular

church

support

is enabling

their bad

behavior

so there's a

second principle

here

we are to be

deeply sympathetic

to the situation

of the needy

among us

but we are to

be wise

to the reality

that some

will take

advantage

of the

church

and again

we must be

careful

to apply

this

not just

to widows

but to

anyone

who seems

to be

needy

now this

doesn't mean

that we

should always

be suspicious

or tight

fisted with

the church's

money

this doesn't

mean that we

should default

to being

judgmental

rather we

are to be

wise

and discerning

careful

and prudent

as we seek

to help

the needy

among us

there's at

least two

things that

are at

stake

the first

one we

see in

verse 14

Paul

counsels the

younger widows

to marry

to have

children

and to

manage

their homes

to give

the enemy

no opportunity

for slander

so if we

as a church

end up

by our

charity

enabling

people to

live

disreputable

lives

we're giving

the devil

an opening

to slander

us

and it

hurts the

good reputation

of the

church

so the

reputation

of the

church

is at

stake

and then

in verse

16

Paul says

if any

woman who

is a

believer

has

widows

in her

care

she should

continue

to help

them

and not

let the

church

be

burdened

with

them

so that

the church

can help

those widows

who are

really

in need

that word

burdened

reflects

what it's

like to

care for

somebody

who is

dependent

and in

need

and it's

not being

used negatively

to suggest

that those

people are

just a

burden

rather

it means

that looking

after somebody

who is

dependent

is a

heavy or

a weighty

responsibility

and so

if it's

possible

for an

individual

who has

been

caring

for several

needy

people

to continue

on with

that

that's

great

says

Paul

keep on

with that

ministry

to them

that will

in turn

alleviate

the weight

on the

church

so that

the church

can use

the resources

that they

have

to help

those who

have no

one

those who

are really

in need

so there's

two things

at stake

first

there's the

reputation

of the

church

which

really

does

reflect

on

Christ

I mean

people

are

looking

at

us

they're

getting

their

ideas

about

Jesus

from

us

and

what

we

do

and

second

there's

the

resources

of the

church

which

are

at

stake

they

may

they

are

limited

they

may

be

needed

by

some

so

we

don't

want

to

find

ourselves

in

a

place

where

we're

giving

them

to

people

who

don't

need

them

but

then

the

people

who

do

need

them

are

lacking

or

going

without

so

we

must

be

wise

and

we

must

be

careful

as

we

put

things

in

place

for

the

needy

among

us

but

again

this

is

not

an

excuse

to

do

nothing

for

those

who

are

really

in

need

among

us

if

we're

so

concerned

that

we

might

enable

the

bad

behavior

of

some

that

we

close

our

eyes

and

we

close

our

hearts

to

the

desperate

need

of

others

we

fail

some

members

in

the

family

and

so

Paul

gives

a bit

of a

framework

in

verses

9

and

10

I'll

just

read

it

he

says

no

widow

may be

put

on the

list

of

widows

unless

she's

over

60

has

been

faithful

to

her

husband

and

is

well

known

for

her

good

deeds

such

as

bringing

up

children

showing

hospitality

washing

the

feet

of the

Lord's

people

helping

those

in

trouble

and

devoting

herself

to

all

kinds

of

good

deeds

and

it's

maybe

implied

in

the

next

two

verses

11

and

12

that

here

at

this

time

they

had

the

widows

take

a

pledge

of

some

sort

to

remain

unmarried

we

don't

know

all

the

details

about

that

that's

kind

of

lost

in

history

to

us

today

there's

nothing

wrong

with

a

widow

remarrying

but

in

the

doing

so

they

were

breaking

this

pledge

that

they

had

made

and

so

to

avoid

having

widows

break

that

pledge

and

to

avoid

having

them

get

into

that

place

where

they

were

becoming

idle

busy

bodies

and

gossips

Paul

counsels

them

to

remarry

and

to

have

children

and

to

manage

their

homes

now

we

don't

have

a

list

of

widows

that

we

financially

support

as a

church

and

so

we

really

got

to

zoom

back

out

here

to

see

the

larger

principle

as we

apply

it

to

our

church

today

first

let's

talk

about

church

giving

in

general

our

regular

church

giving

I

mean

the

giving

that

our

church

does

to

others

the

financial

support

that we

have

for

families

missionaries

ministries

that

kind

of

thing

should

be

to

people

who

are

of

proven

character

people

who

have

proved

faithful

and

trustworthy

people

who

are well

known

for

their

good

deeds

who

are

truly

serving

the

Lord's

people

or

meeting

the

needs

of

those

who

are

in

trouble

because

who

we

regularly

support

financially

as a

church

says

something

about

who

we

are

as

a

church

it

says

something

about

who

Jesus

is

to

the

outsiders

looking

in

so

it's

good

for

us

to

periodically

review

the

missionaries

the

ministries

that

we are