The Maker of Marriage

Well, some of you have probably heard by now, this fall and possibly a little bit into the new year, we're going to be taking a number of Sunday sermons to focus on the topic of marriage.

This morning is going to be our first sermon about it, and we'll plan to have one every month or so, just kind of mixing it in with our series through Luke.

First of all, why marriage?

As we look at the world around us, we're very quickly seeing the Christian foundation to our society crumbling, and the effects of that are quite alarming.

By God's good design, the family unit is one of the most important building blocks of a healthy society and a healthy community.

And by God's good design, the marriage relationship is the foundation of a healthy family unit.

And so where marriages are failing and faltering and crumbling, so are families and so are communities.

There was a time not too long ago when everyone in Canada held a view of marriage that was quite biblical.

But our culture has been slowly drifting away from the Bible and its author, and along with that, from a biblical view of marriage.

And the results have been devastating and heartbreaking.

Kids are growing up without a father, or in some cases a mother.

Children are being bounced back and forth between their parents' homes while their parents fight.

What began with love and joy often ends with something bitter and painful.

There was a time in Canada when the vast majority of married couples would simply stay together, even through the hard times,

because it was just understood that this is what marriage means.

Nowadays in Canada, about 40% of first marriages end in divorce.

And the annual rate of divorce is actually going down, owing to fewer and fewer younger people getting married.

According to a Stats Canada article published a few years ago, and this is a direct quote,

According to the Vanier Institute, since the 1970s, couples have become less likely to marry,

and a growing proportion are choosing to live common law.

Also according to Stats Canada, another direct quote,

In 2021, nearly 8 in 10 people, age 20 to 24, who were part of a couple, were living with a common law partner.

From 1981 to 2021, that's 40 years, the number of common law couples increased by 447%.

That's a direct quote from Stats Canada's website.

A much faster growth than that of married couples over the same period, which was only 26%.

They say that apparently this doesn't mean that marriage is being thrown aside altogether,

just that many Canadians are choosing to delay getting married.

And there's lots of stuff we could talk about for the demographics and the percentage,

how they arrive at that conclusion.

But some of these sources suggest that younger people are just coming to view marriage

as a sort of later in life kind of relationship that you get to eventually,

and that's meant to last, but there's no rush.

There's nothing wrong with just sort of, you know, trying it out before you buy into it.

Cohabiting, also referred to as common law, is becoming increasingly popular among young people.

And there's even a growing number of people in what they are now calling a living apart together relationship, or LAT.

Three out of ten young adults aged 20 to 34 are choosing to live as a couple,

like for a time, going on for a while, but not under the same roof.

And so what has marriage become in Canada?

For some, it's that thing that led up to my parents' divorce.

For others, and I've heard this, and maybe you've heard this from people actually saying it to you,

it's just a piece of paper.

Some even believe that our society must move on from marriage,

because, you know, it's just an old, traditional, outdated, patriarchal way of relating to one another

where people needlessly bind themselves to one another for life.

To highlight the problem that we see today,

where do kids growing up today learn about marriage?

If they're not being taught it from Christian parents,

or the church,

where do kids growing up today learn about it?

About three out of ten kids these days are born out of wedlock,

and with 40% of first marriages ending in divorce,

many of those born in wedlock are not seeing a healthy marriage.

What they see of it is often the failure of it.

Separation,

divorce,

fights.

It's becoming rare for a kid to grow up with an example from their own parents

of what a good, healthy marriage is.

And so where do kids growing up today

learn about marriage?

And let's just broaden the focus.

Not just marriage,

but where do they learn about romance,

dating,

relationships,

sex?

Well, aside from whatever they may see with their parents,

they learn it from online media,

television,

movies.

In many ways,

these things have become the teacher

in the absence of parents

in a healthy marriage.

Think of the movies for a minute.

How is marriage portrayed in movies these days?

Can you think of a movie that portrays a strong,

healthy,

loving marriage relationship

between a man and a woman

where both respect one another

and love one another deeply

and are loyal to one another?

Anybody got a title?

If it is,

it might be an old movie.

The number of movies

or television series

with this kind of marriage in it

are very few.

What view of romance

and dating

and marriage

do we typically get

from the movies

and from TV?

Something like this, maybe.

At some point,

two people experience

this powerful attraction

to one another.

They might even kiss

before they do anything else together

just to feel it first

and then go forward

or if not,

they might go on

somewheres between

one and three dates

and sometime in those

three dates

already,

sleep with each other

and then just

ride the powerful

wave of romantic feelings

towards one another

like a surfer

rides a wave

until it seems like

it's either going to

dissipate and fade away

or

until it seems like

there might be something there

that will last for a while

and then if the feelings

dissipate

in a few weeks

or months

well that's that.

I guess we'll just

wait for the feelings

to happen again

with someone else

hook up with them

sleep with them

see how it goes

and if the feelings

don't dissipate

well let's move in

with each other

let's see where this goes.

If it keeps going well

based on how we relate

to one another

and feel about one another

maybe we'll both realize

that we want to spend

the rest of our lives

together

and if that happens

we'll have a wedding

and we'll get married

and we'll live happily

ever after.

Isn't that the way

relationships are often

portrayed in the movies

in the television shows

these days?

But then there's another

part to that

as marriage is often

portrayed in movies

and TV

people all go into it

thinking they'll live

happily ever after

only to realize

after a while

that marriage

is hard

some

portrayals of it

show it to be

stifling

restricting

boring

preventing me

from doing

what I want to do

and from being with

this other person

who's now come along

that I'm interested in

that I'm attracted to

more than my spouse

and then it turns into

fighting and arguing

and having an affair

and often ends in divorce.

This is what kids

today are growing up with

is their understanding

of marriage

and relationships

how to do it.

Even the animated

Disney movies

have contributed

to this

from the youngest

of ages.

Many of the

they call them

coming of age stories

include some sort

of romantic relationship

that starts with

a powerful attraction

maybe love at first sight

kissing on the first date

a story

perhaps of forbidden love

a marriage built

on the shifting

sands of feelings

that they hope

will lead

to happily ever after

and of course

in Disney movies

many times it does

they get married

without hardly

even knowing each other

and we don't even see

any real substance

to their relationship

because it's just

a happy ending

for a kid's story.

Where in the movies

where in the TV

of our day

are the relationships

that last?

the marriages

that are truly marriages

it's no wonder

teens who haven't

grown up in the church

are skeptical

about whether

getting married

is even needed

and besides

do I want to

lock myself

into that kind

of commitment

to one person

for the rest

of my life?

What if I choose

the wrong person?

What if I find

myself unhappy

like so many do?

Why not just do

what all my friends

are doing

and just live together

with someone

for as long

as it lasts?

That's just

the movies

that's just

the TV

to say nothing

of the effects

of internet pornography

on our world's view

of marriage

and sex

what about

celebrity culture?

We here in the church

many of us

might not be

interested in that

or even care about it

but it's having

an effect

on up and coming

generations

and even on our kids.

Now I'm not

going to try

and diagnose

or speculate

about how we got here

too much

whether we as the church

have failed

in the past several

decades to address this

I don't know

but here we are today

and what can we do?

We are people

who believe

in the authority

of Jesus

and the authority

of God

our creator

and God

has spoken

about marriage

and Jesus

has spoken

about marriage

and relationships

how they can be

what it is

how it should be

could it be

that we've been

listening too much

to the godless chatter

of our world

about these things

and too little

to the one

who made

marriage

and so in this

series of messages

on the subject

our main source

must be

God's word

your word

is a lamp

to my feet

and a light

to my path

you might wonder

if you tune into

these series

or are here

for these Sundays

if this series

is for you

and whether it's

relevant to you

and your situation

but I hope you know

it's not just a series

for married couples

on how to have

a better marriage

it relates to singles

even to kids

some of you

may someday

be married

and how you

understand marriage

and relationships

today will affect

how you approach

them and enter into

them in the future

I'm also aware

that there are

some of you

who have experienced

a marriage failure

or divorce

this series

is not attempted

to rub salt

into fresh wounds

or old wounds

or to make you

feel guilt over that

sin has done

damage

to every part

of our existence

as human beings

on this earth

including marriage

and sexuality

and the gospel

of our Lord Jesus

brings forgiveness

and healing

and a path

forward for all

of us

wherever we may

find ourselves

whether single

married

divorced

widowed

dating

by looking to

what God has said

about marriage

we're out of

batteries maybe

by looking to

what God has said

about marriage

we stand to benefit

in so many ways

those of us

who are married

can only be helped

in our marriages

those of us

who are not

can be better

prepared to engage

in this special

relationship down

the road

and I hope to

even do one sermon

just on singleness

and what God

has to say about

remaining single

its special

advantages

and how it

brings glory

to God as well

so this morning

we're going to go

back to the beginning

if you have your

Bible with you

you can open it up

to Genesis

we're going to

look at where

marriage came from

and what do we

learn from that

what has God

said there

the book of

Genesis tells us

about how God

made the heavens

and the earth

it tells us

about how God

filled the earth

with all kinds

of plants

and creatures

and it tells us

how God made us

human beings

in his image

male and female

in his image

and God's

declaration over

all that he had

made was that

it was good

more than that

it was very good

that's a very

brief summary

of the first

chapter of the

Bible

the overview

of creation

but then in the

second chapter

of the Bible

we get kind of

a zoomed in

account of

the creation

of man

how God

made Adam

the first man

how he placed

him in this

beautiful

sustaining garden

called Eden

we read of how

God set the

man to work

and entrusted

things to his

care in this

garden

we read about

the special

trees in the

middle of the

garden

and the commands

that God gave

about those

and then

in verse

18 of chapter

2

through to the

rest of the

chapter

God goes into

more detail

about how

woman came to

be and how

marriage came to

be

let's just read

this

and I'm sorry

I don't have it

on the screen

but you can

just listen

the Lord

God said

it is not

good for the

man to be

alone

I will make

a helper

suitable for

him

now the

Lord God

had formed

out of the

ground all

the wild

animals and

all the

birds in

the sky

he brought

them to

the man

to see

what he

would name

them

and whatever

the man

called each

living creature

that was

its name

so the

man gave

names to

all the

livestock

the birds

in the sky

and all

the wild

animals

but for

Adam

no suitable

helper was

found

so the

Lord God

caused the

man to

fall into

a deep

sleep

and while

he was

sleeping

he took

one of

the man's

ribs

and then

closed up

the place

with flesh

then the

Lord God

made a

woman

from the

rib he

had taken

out of

the man

and he

brought her

to the

man

the man

said

this is

now

bone

of my

bones

and flesh

of my

flesh

she shall

be called

woman

for she

was taken

out of

man

that

is why

a man

leaves his

father and

mother

and is

united to

his wife

and they

become one

flesh

Adam and

his wife

were both

naked

and they

felt no

shame

let's

start from

the top

in verse

18

up until

this point

in the

creation

story

all through

chapter 1

we've been

hearing something

over and

over

and God

saw

what he

had made

and it's

it's

detailed

what it

was he

made

and it

was good

seven times

God says

it and then

here in

verse 18

we read

about the

first thing

in all

creation

that was

not

good

it is

not good

for the

man

to be

alone

God

is a

relational

God

for us

to be

made in

his image

requires that

we also

be relational

he is

father

son

and holy

spirit

three persons

yet one

God

and it's a

great mystery

he is

relational

in his

very being

and so

it was

not good

for the

man

made

to

image

him

to be

alone

we too

were made

relational

and for

relationship

and so

we read

about how

God made

the first

woman

out of

the first

man

so that

they would

share

together

in what

it means

to be

human

we share

the same

essence

or nature

despite the

differences

that we have

as male

and female

to say it

another way

this one

man

all by

himself

was

incomplete

he was

lacking

he was

in a

state

of

not

good

he was

not

good

by

himself

and so

God

made

the

first

human

relationship

by making

the first

woman

and I want

to be so

careful

with how

we apply

these

words

some

have been

quick

to say

here

see

it was

not

good

for the

man

to be

alone

he's

incomplete

by

himself

therefore

single

people

today

are

incomplete

and it

would be

better

for them

if they

were

married

their

lives

would be

better

if they

were

married

and we

can sometimes

speak of

marriages

if it's

the great

purpose

of man

and woman

the thing

that truly

fulfills

us

and completes

us

but I

think

when we

apply

these

words

in this

way

even

when we

mean

well

we're

not

helping

our

children

or our

youth

or the

unmarried

around us

to think

of marriage

as they

should

marriage

is a

fundamental

building

block

of humanity

but not

to the

point that

a person

who is

unmarried

is somehow

less than

human

or is

somehow

being deprived

of the

fullest

and richest

experience

of life

let's not

forget that

our Lord

Jesus

himself

was

unmarried

and he

was truly

man

as man

as it

gets

did he

lack in

his

humanity

because of

that

no

a second

thing to

remember

here is

that in

the next

chapter

of

Genesis

humanity

will be

corrupted

by sin

and that

will so

affect our

relationships

with God

and with

each other

that there

will be

lots of

situations

where it

will be

good for

a man

or woman

to remain

unmarried

and we're

going to go

into more

detail with

that in a

future

message

it's not

good for

said God

but we

must not

press these

words in

creation

history so

far that

we make

all the

unmarried

people feel

like they're

missing out

on God's

best in

life because

they aren't

in a

marriage

relationship

it's not

true

what is

true that

we see from

these words

is that we

were made

for relationship

and marriage

was the first

way that God

chose to

remedy

the loneliness

of this

particular man

and increase

humanity from

one to

many

this building

block would

give rise not

only to the

first family

and the first

family relationships

but to

community and

to friendships

with people

outside the

family eventually

and for some

the not

goodness of

being alone

will be

remedied not

by a marriage

but by deep

and lasting

friendships with

people from

other families

but let's

stick to the

text here

God said

it's not

good for

the man

to be

alone

I will

make a

helper suitable

for him

let's start

with the easy

part here

what does it

mean that

she is suitable

for Adam

God describes

how he brought

all the animals

to the man

and he gave

names to

them

and yet in

verse 20

for Adam

no suitable

helper

was found

it's almost

as if God

wanted Adam

to see that

he was in

a certain way

different from

all the other

creatures that

God had made

it's as if

God wanted

Adam to know

that he was

more like

God than

any other

living thing

on earth

here's all

these creatures

and some of

them very

unique and

different

we got the

four-leggers

we got the

flyers

we got the

swimmers

even some

two-leggers

who stand

almost upright

like I do

and have two

hands and two

feet

but there's no

soul in them

they can't talk

like I do

they can't seem

to think

I can't have

relationship with

these

at least not

deep relationship

they're wild

and in the

context here

what makes her

suitable for him

is that unlike

the animals

she shares

in his nature

and is one

of him

albeit with

some differences

and God does

this in a very

deliberate and

obvious way

there's no

question that

she's as human

as he is

the same sort

of being

because God

makes her

out of one

of his ribs

we see this

in verse 21

so the Lord

God caused

the man to

fall into a

deep sleep

and while he

was sleeping

he took one

of the man's

ribs

and then

closed up

the place

with flesh

then the

Lord God

made a

woman

from the

rib he

had taken

out of

the man

remember

that Adam

was formed

like the

creatures

of the earth

from the

dust of

the earth

and then

God breathed

into him

the breath

of life

God could

have made

Eve that

way too

but doing

it this way

is deeply

symbolic

and meaningful

she is not

just the same

kind

but she is

actually of

him

and from

him

this is what

makes her

suitable

for Adam

this is what

enables true

and deep

relationship

between them

they are both

of them

man

both human

both of them

in the image

of God

now we come

to the hard

part

at least

hard for our

culture

and our

world

she was

made

to be a

helper

that statement

alone is

enough to

make feminists

angry

and even if

you're not a

feminist

but just a

woman

this word

this statement

might bother

you

I will make

a suitable

helper

for him

helper

implies

inferior

we think

helper

implies

subordinate

we feel

are you

saying that

he was

made to be

the head

of the

household

and that

I only

exist to

serve him

and to

help him

and help

him do

what he

wants to

do

why does

it have

to revolve

around him

what about

all the

ways and

times that

men have

domineered

women

and abused

them

and the

thoughts

go

but as

I said

earlier

the

corruption

of sin

which is

coming in

the next

chapter

that's what

causes all

the kind of

damaging effects

on human

relationships

that we see

between men

and women

between husbands

and wives

that's the

reason

for the

ugliness

but even

before

sin entered

the world

and ruined

everything

God made

marriage in

such a way

that husbands

and wives

have different

roles

in marriage

Adam

was made

first

and he

was charged

first

with what

to do

on this

earth

he was

given

work

to do

before

she was

even

made

and by

God's

own

word

she is

the one

made

to be

his

wife

was made

to be

a helper

for him

and there

was no

sin yet

there was

no selfishness

he would

lead like

a kind

gentle

loving

servant

leader

just like

Jesus

was

and she

would follow

his leadership

and lovingly

help and find

great joy

in doing so

recognizing that

his work

was their

work

they were

together

they were

one

in all

of this

a helpful

analogy

may be

the human

body

the human

body

has

different

parts

but some

of those

parts

have

different

roles

it doesn't

make one

more important

or less

important

than the

other

I got

thinking of

this

you know

the brain

is kind

of the

control

center

part

it exercises

control

over the

other

parts

of the

body

but what

good

is the

brain

without

the heart

which pumps

the life

blood

into every

other part

of the

body

and even

into the

brain

and keeps

it alive

and vital

and responsive

they serve

different roles

one is under

the control

of the other

one shrivels

and dies

without the

other

but it's

not a bad

thing

in the same

way husbands

and wives

were intended

by God

from the

beginning

to have

different

roles

in relation

to each

other

and to

the family

and it

wasn't a

bad

thing

there was

perfect

love

and harmony

in relationship

between them

this is how

God set

it up

and it

was good

but then

sin came

and we

began to

fight

we began

to live

each for

ourselves

and not

for the

other

and it

falls apart

and husbands

began to

abuse

or to

abdicate

their

responsibilities

to their

wives

and wives

began to

manipulate

and subvert

their husband's

leadership

and authority

to get

and to do

what they

wanted

we'll

talk

more

about

roles

in another

message

we'll

talk

more

about

the

effects

of

sin

another

time

but let's

just keep

on with the

passage here

a little

more

verse 22

then the

Lord God

made a

woman from

the rib

he had

taken out

of the

man

and he

brought

her

to the

man

what is

marriage

marriage is

not just a

piece of

paper

marriage is

not just a

government law

or policy

about who

gets certain

privileges and

benefits in

society

it's not just a

social contract

between two

people

marriage is

older than our

nation itself

it's older than

every nation

kingdom

empire that

has ever

recognized it

on this

earth

marriage was

made by

God himself

it was he

who brought

the first

woman

to the

first man

and do you

see the

point of

explanation

there in

verse 24

that is

why a

man

leaves his

father and

mother and

is united to

his wife

and they

become one

flesh

not only did

God invent

and design

marriage but

he performed

the first

one and

that's why

marriage is

holy among

all other

relationships that

we may have

with people

on earth

it's unique

because when

a man and

a woman are

married God

is the one

who joins

them

fast forward

all the way

to the new

testament

Matthew

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

chapter 19

Jesus the

son of God

is in a

discussion with

the Pharisees

about the

issue of

divorce and

they want to

know when

it's okay

when it's

lawfully

permitted

to divorce

their wives

and listen to

Jesus response

in verse 4

Jesus says

haven't you

read that

at the

beginning the

creator made

them male and

female and

said for this

reason a man

will leave his

father and

mother and be

united to his

wife and the

two will become

one flesh

who said for

this reason a

man will leave

his father and

mother and be

united to his

wife and the

two will become

one flesh who

said that

according to

Jesus God

himself said

it

and so

what's

Jesus point

look at

verse 6

so they

the two

people are

no longer

two but

one flesh

therefore what

God has

joined together

let no one

separate

what we tend

to hear most

from that

is that we

ought not to

separate and

we'll talk about

that at some

point but the

part we often

miss is where

Jesus says

therefore what

God has

joined together

God is the

joiner of

men and

women in

this thing that

he made

called marriage

when they

marry God

himself is at

work uniting

them to each

other and

making them

one it's not

the piece of

paper that

makes them

one it's not

the recognition

of the government

that makes them

one it's God

himself who

makes them into

one flesh

one unit

one family

that's why for

centuries it's

been called

holy matrimony

marriage is a

thing of God

it's holy

it's a special

unique relationship

created by him

and that's what

we're losing

sight of in our

culture today

marriage is

sacred

actually sacred

in the true

sense of the

word because

God made it

as a special

relationship

he himself

ordained he

decreed for

the reason that

he made male and

female like this

in the beginning

and brought the

first man to

the first woman

for that reason

this is how it

shall be this is

how it shall go

from here on

a man shall

leave his father

and his mother

and be united

be joined

to his wife

and the two

will become

one flesh

I hesitate to

use the word

spiritual

to describe this

union or even

supernatural

because it's

natural

it's to be

normal

it's to be

ordinary for

humanity

and it's not

just the

intertwining of

souls

but of flesh

of course that's

what the sexual

intimacy is

and symbolizes

but it's a union

so deep that

Jesus can say

they are no

longer two

but one

one flesh

one family

a unit together

now to be

together from

then on

the original

intention and

design of God

was for marriage

to be permanent

listen if you're

not yet married

listen up

that includes

you kids

God made this

kind of relationship

for us

as an amazing

gift

a sweet

and special

union like

no other on

earth

all our

friends

come and go

through life

sometimes God

blesses with some

enduring friendships

that last quite a

long time

they're usually

rare

but family

is special

marriage

is special

it's the closest

of human

relationships

that's intended

to go with

you

through life

where you go

I go

because we're

one

God made it

good for men

and women

to have one

deep

abiding

and yes

romantic

and loving

relationship

that lasts

for life

and I know

that's hard

if you're

listening to

this and your

marriage

is in a

rough spot

or has

ended in

divorce

sin has

made a

mess of

things

and that's

why we

cry

that's why

we grieve

for one

reason or

another

when one

flesh union

is separated

and ripped

apart

it was

meant to

be

permanent

just as

we were

made to

be

perfect

but now

here we

are as

sinners

in need

of redemption

and grace

and the

good news

is God

is full

of that

grace

that we

need

not just

for our

sins

but for

our

marital

situations

too

we read

in the

New

Testament

that

marriage

is

permanent

but not

eternal

that there's

only one

kind of a

marriage

relationship

that is

eternal

and it's

our relationship

to our

Lord Jesus

the ultimate

eternal reality

to which

marriage points

and that

that union

can never

be broken

and so if

your union

has been

broken

know that

there is

a far

greater

relationship

for which

you were

made

a union

that cannot