March 8th, 2015

Well, we've reached a spot in the book of Ephesians where the Apostle Paul is turning his attention to marriage.

And so we're going to be turning our attention to marriage for the next couple Sundays here.

But before we go there, I just want to give you a big picture of marriage.

When we talk about salvation, we're talking about a big sweep of time.

So you can summarize kind of the history of salvation with just three words.

Creation, fall, and redemption.

And those three words provide a very helpful way to think about certain things.

One of which is marriage.

And so what I'd like to do for you is just give you a crash course on marriage in light of creation, fall, and redemption.

And that will set us up for what Paul says in Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

You ready?

Marriage in the light of creation.

In Genesis 1 and 2, God created man and woman, Adam and Eve, and he created each of them in his own image.

And he's very, very specific about that.

We read Genesis 1 and we walk away saying both Adam and Eve were made in the image of God.

So a man is not more valuable in God's eyes because he's a man.

And a woman is not less valuable in God's eyes because she's a woman.

What this means is when God looks at a man and a woman, he sees two image bearers of same worth.

They both are image bearers of God.

And so God is clear on that in Genesis chapter 1, 26 and 27 where he says both man and woman were made in his image.

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

But what we also learn from Genesis chapter 2 is that God gave distinct roles to Adam because he was a man.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

And he gave a distinct role to Eve because she was a woman in this thing called marriage.

Adam was given charge of the garden.

Adam, he named all the animals.

Eve came out of him and he eventually named Eve.

And so what the Bible describes there, how it summarizes up Adam's role is the word headship.

We see that in 1 Corinthians 11 verse 3.

1 Corinthians 11:3

And we'll see that played out a little later on in Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

What he did with Eve was he created Eve out of Adam for her to be Adam's helpmate.

To help him.

To help him tend the garden.

To help him fulfill his role.

And so what I want to help you to see though is both of them have the same value in God's eyes.

But each of them were given distinct roles.

And the reason why God gave them distinct roles to be played out together was for them to experience harmony in marriage.

And so God's goal was unity.

And not by kind of being able to swap out the roles, but by giving specific roles that complement each other.

And what I also want to see is this.

God assigned these roles before the fall.

And so the fall didn't result in roles.

The fall actually distorted the roles.

So we talked about creation of Adam and Eve.

Equal in value, different in roles.

And now we turn to talking about the fall.

And what we see in the fall is the distortion of the roles.

So they both are image bearers of God.

But with the fall comes consequences.

And so in Genesis chapter 3, God walks into the garden.

Genesis 3 · chapter mention

And he says, hey Adam, what happened?

And you know the story.

Adam punts to Eve.

And Eve punts to the serpent.

But in Genesis chapter 3 verse 16, God specifically says to Eve,

Genesis 3:16

there's some consequences here.

You will desire your husband.

You will long to be in power over him.

That's the Hebrew meaning of that particular word.

Your desire shall be for your husband.

And then he says to Eve, and he, Adam, shall rule over you.

And that word rule is talking about a kind of leadership.

It's not a loving leadership.

It's a harsh leadership.

A tyrannical kind of leadership.

And so what you see as the consequence, the fallout of the fall in Genesis 3 verse 16 is

Genesis 3:16

the distortion of the roles.

But praise be to God, it doesn't end there.

Because God all along had a plan.

And we see that plan spoken of in Ephesians chapter 1 verse 9 and 10.

Ephesians 1:9

That God's plan for all time was to unite all things in Christ.

And so what Christ is seeking to do in us is to redeem our marriages.

And to redeem the roles by restoring the roles as God had originally designed them.

So what happens for us in Christ is God reverses, is seeking to reverse the distortion of sin on our roles as husbands and wives.

And what sin does is it distorts things by making it about me.

You know what I'm talking about?

This is about me.

And so marriage isn't about me.

What God does in Christ is make marriage about Christ.

It's about Him.

And we're going to see that played out all throughout Ephesians chapter 5 and 6.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

In Christ, God is seeking to re-image Himself in us.

Christ-likeness.

And He's seeking to retool our roles to function the way that He originally designed them to function.

So in Christ, God is seeking to restore His God-given roles.

So the reason why Ephesians 5, 22-33 is in your Bible is to help you experience the unity that God intends for you out of obedience to Jesus.

Unity in your marriage.

Fulfilling of your roles.

God is calling us to live out our designated roles out of obedience to Christ for the glory of His name.

Because here's the deal.

When we live according to God's plan in our marriages, you know what happens?

Our marriages end up spotlighting Jesus.

Our marriages become a little living parable between Christ's relationship to the church.

It has a redemptive impact.

So, this morning, wives, what I want you to see is this.

Your relationship to Christ informs and directs your relationship to your husband.

Your relationship to Christ informs and directs your relationship to your husband.

And so, I'm going to show you by making five points this morning.

But let me read Ephesians 5, 22-24.

We read this.

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Wives, your relationship to Christ informs and directs your relationship to your husband.

Just to let you know, next week, we're going to get into the nitty-gritty of what God says to husbands.

But let me give you these five points in order to bring this out, to help us see what God is saying right here.

The first thing that I want you to see is this.

It's the relationship between this text, verses 22-24, and what we just read before it.

And so, Paul has been telling these Christians in Ephesus, starting in Ephesians 4-1,

walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you've been called.

And then in chapter 5, he says, walk in love.

And then he says, walk as children of light.

And then he says, walk in wisdom.

Don't be a fool.

Make the most of the time.

Know God's will.

Walk by the power of the Spirit.

And then he says, when he's talking about the power of the Spirit,

one of the ways that the Spirit's filling shows up is when Christians submit to one another out of fear of Christ.

Do you see that in verse 21?

And so here's what Paul is doing in 22.

He's taking this idea of submission, and he's making a transition.

He's pivoting.

He's moving from submission in the context of a local church, submit to one another,

and he's calling for submission, what that looks like, concrete examples in marriage.

That's 522 through 33.

And then he points to parenting in 6.1 through 6.4.

And then he points to the workplace in 6.5 through 6.9.

And so what he's doing is helping Christians understand what submission looks like in very concrete relationships.

Now the thing that you need to know about each of these relationships is there's very clear lines of God-given authority in these relationships.

And so what Paul is going to help us to see is how submission functions in these God-given lines of authority in these particular relationships.

And so that's why he turns to marriage, and specifically to wives in chapter 5, verse 22.

The second thing I want to point out.

Headship.

Headship.

When I say headship, does that make you cringe?

How do we think about headship?

How should we think about that?

How should we think about authority?

My guess is that most of us think about headship or authority in terms of power and control.

If you were to ask me, hey, give me a cultural example of authority, of submission, do you know where my mind goes to?

Mixed martial arts battles.

Seriously.

People having to tap out in submission because they can't bear it anymore.

I think many of us come to this word kind of authority and submission with this thought of power play.

Dominance.

And what I want to help you to see is that's not the primary intent here of headship or submission.

I don't know about you.

When I hear about headship and authority and think about in terms of power, I get suspicious.

I get guarded.

A little defensive.

Because I tend to think that whoever's the head of something has the right to make people do what they want them to do.

Whoever's the head, whoever's in charge gets to do whatever they'd like to do.

So when we think about headship in terms of authority and power, we can easily start moving and thinking in terms of abuse.

Authority exercised sinfully.

And what I want to help you to think through is a better way of thinking about headship.

Here it is.

We must think about headship in authority primarily as responsibility.

Would you look at Ephesians 5.23?

For the husband is the head of the wife.

Even as Christ is head of the church, his body.

What I want both husbands and wives, men and women, to be thinking about primarily when you hear this word headship,

I want you thinking in terms of responsibility.

Headship is responsibility.

John Stott in his commentary on Ephesians says it this way.

In a word, the biblical concept of authority spells not tyranny, but responsibility.

What kind of responsibility?

Headship is a delegated responsibility.

God giving responsibility to a husband.

And so when we see that word headship,

what we need to realize is behind that giving of responsibility is God himself.

That is a responsibility entrusted to a husband

because God chose it to give him that responsibility.

By the way, that also means with that delegated responsibility,

there is an accountability.

Let me state it this way.

I will have to give an account for my marriage to Jesus

in a way my wife Jenny will not have to.

God's going to hold me responsible for something of our marriage

that he won't hold my wife responsible for.

This headship responsibility is a representative responsibility.

I have a responsibility for my wife.

Do you remember in Genesis 3 what happens?

In Genesis we read about how it was Eve who was tempted,

took the fruit, ate the fruit, and gave it to her husband.

Do you remember that?

Remember in Genesis 3 who God comes to seek out?

Do you recall?

He seeks out Adam.

It is a representative responsibility.

It is a picture of headship.

Brothers, it's pretty sobering, isn't it?

It's a purposed responsibility.

This is probably one of my burdens this morning.

It's the aim of this responsibility.

God has entrusted this to husbands for a purpose.

The responsibility that we've been entrusted for, given,

is the welfare of our wives.

The good of our wives.

The good of our children.

Which means this.

Brothers, we are not to exercise this God-given responsibility for our own sake,

but for the sake of our own wives and our own children.

That's the original intent.

Sin distorted it, though.

We've all experienced the sinful exercise of this kind of responsibility.

But Christ is redeeming it.

And we're given an example.

So, I'm going to come back to this next week,

but we just look at Ephesians 4.25.

Excuse me, 5.25.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ, the head of the church, loved the church,

and gave himself up for her.

Jesus is the ultimate head.

He exercised the ultimate responsibility, the welfare of our souls,

and he made the ultimate sacrifice.

And what we see in Ephesians 5.25 is the exercise of responsibility.

So, before we talk about submission,

what I wanted to make sure we're clear on is this sense idea of headship.

Headship is a God-given responsibility to husbands for the welfare,

for the good of their wives,

not the exploitation of their wives.

not the abuse of their wives,

for the good of their wives.

And so, sisters, as we move now to this command to submit,

I just want to help you to see something here.

God isn't calling you to a degrading, mindless,

tap-out kind of submission.

God's calling you to a kind of a dance with your husband.

His role is to lead for your good.

And what we'll see here is your role is to let him lead you,

even help him to lead you,

because God intends for your husband to be a means of goodness to you.

So, let's now, point three, turn to this command.

The command to submit.

Wives, submit to your own husbands.

Remember, sisters,

your relationship with Christ

will inform and direct your relationship with your husband.

And the other piece I just want to remind you of is,

I know this.

As soon as you hear the word submit,

there's some things that can come into your mind.

And so, let me just remind you of something.

This command to submit

that's aimed at wives,

this is not a command

to diminish your worth.

This is not a diminishing of your value in God's eyes.

This isn't God saying you're of lesser importance.

This is God calling you to a particular role in marriage.

A particular responsibility.

And He's going to bring definition to that role.

The word submit means to actually to line up in order.

It means to come under authority.

And what we've talked about before

when we were talking about headship

is that what God is calling a wife to

is to come under your husband's

God-given responsibility to care for you.

That's what God is calling you to hear.

Come under His care.

Come under His seeking of your welfare.

Your husband is to be attentive to

and caring about your spiritual welfare,

your physical welfare,

your emotional welfare,

even your financial welfare.

He's to provide for you and protect you.

And if that's in place,

that will make your submission to Him

coming under His care

a joy and a privilege.

I know the question's in your head right now.

What if my husband doesn't care?

We'll come back to that.

But what I want you to see here

is that this call to submit

is a call to entrust yourself

to the care of your husband.

And what we see in verse 24,

it's you to do that in everything.

Everything.

And the meaning of that is

every area of your life.

Your husband,

because of what God has called him to

for your good,

he needs to know

what's going on in your life

so he can care for you,

not exploit you.

Now, a couple other clarifications

on this word submission.

This call to submit

is not a call to a forced submission.

God's not saying,

do this or else.

This is a voluntary submission.

Think of it this way.

God's saying,

oh, dear daughter,

you of your own volition,

trusting in me,

entrust yourself fully

to your husband.

This is your role in the dance,

sister.

Let your husband lead you.

And might I add this,

this is not a call

for all women

to submit to all men.

wives,

submit to your own husbands.

There's two mistakes in this dance.

In order to demonstrate this to you,

I'm going to actually use some dancing.

There's two mistakes

that both men and women

can make in terms of roles,

their roles.

One's a mistake on one side

of passivity,

the other's a mistake

of aggressiveness.

And so,

think about this.

your husband

wants to lead you

in a dance

called marriage.

Okay?

And so,

here's what the mistake

of passivity looks like.

Your husband's seeking

to lead you,

doing his best,

and he keeps on

stepping on your toes.

And that hurts.

Passivity is like this.

I'm not going to say anything.

I don't want to hurt his feelings.

You know,

blah, blah, blah.

It's kind of,

this is going to say it coarsely,

but it's kind of a put up

and shut up mentality.

That's not submission.

The other mistake is this.

Same thing.

Husband leading his wife,

dancing,

steps on her toes,

and the wife is like,

swat!

Swat!

I'm taking over.

I'm leading this dance.

Yes, honey,

I will dance the way

that you want to dance.

Two mistakes.

What God is calling wives to

is a joyful,

voluntary following

of her husband's lead.

It's sweet.

Dancing's fun.

And so,

here's how it works out.

This is an example

of what it looks like.

Alright?

You're dancing

with your wife.

And she says,

honey,

your breath stinks.

Sweetheart,

I am so glad

to know that

because I don't want

to have cursed breath.

I want to have

blessing breath.

And so,

let me put a mint in.

We keep on dancing.

Okay?

Dance, dance, dance.

Sweetheart,

you're stepping on my toes

and it really hurts.

Oh, I'm so sorry, honey.

I don't want to hurt you.

I want you to enjoy the dance.

Can you help me

get these footwork down?

Kind of a thing.

And then,

maybe your wife

says something like this.

You know, honey,

I'm seeing that punch bowl

over there

and I'm really thirsty.

Okay, honey,

let's go over there.

Gotcha.

Keep on dancing.

Your wife says,

honey,

I need to use the bathroom.

I got you, honey.

Let's go this way.

Out of the way.

Out of the way.

Out of the way.

Sweetheart,

I'm feeling tired.

I will scoop you up.

Put you in this chair.

Thank you for letting me know.

See?

See?

Wives,

would you like that?

Marriage is a dance.

Husbands were called to lead.

Collaboratively.

Welcome your wife's input.

In order for her

to care for her welfare,

you need to know

how she's doing.

in order to lead her well,

she needs to feel comfortable

and safe

to be able to say,

you're stepping on my toes

again.

I love this.

Sisters,

the way to steer clear

of these mistakes

is to keep your eyes on Jesus.

look at Ephesians 4.

Ephesians 4.

22.

This is the motive

of submission.

Wives,

submit to your own husbands

as to the Lord.

Will you say that with me,

everybody?

as to the Lord.

You may submit

to your husband,

but you are submitting

for Jesus.

Better yet,

the aim of your entrusting yourself

to your husband's care

is obedience

to Christ.

You are to live out

your role as a wife

as to the Lord.

Your relationship

to Christ

informs

and directs

your relationship

to your husband.

You will fulfill

your role as a wife.

You must

out of obedience

to Jesus.

Ultimately,

it's about Jesus.

So the way

that you relate

to your husband

is a means

by which you live

for Christ.

So when Paul says

in Ephesians 4.1,

walk in a manner

worthy of the calling

to which you've been called,

that is specifically

applied to a wife

right here.

Follow Jesus

this way.

Be filled

by the Spirit

so that you can

do this faithfully.

So here's what

it boils down to.

Sisters,

married sisters,

this morning

I am calling you

on the authority

of this book

to live out

your role

as a wife

for the glory

of Christ.

It's all about Him.

If Ephesians 1,

9,

and 10

is true

and God

is in the process

of uniting

all things together

in Christ,

He's interested

in uniting

your marriage

in Christ.

In order to get

that done,

He's calling you

to a specific role

in that.

To experience

unity.

And to that end,

point five,

the grounds

for the roles.

The grounds

for a husband's

role to be head,

the grounds

for a woman's

role to be

submissive.

We can ask it

this way.

On what basis

does the Apostle Paul

call wives

to submit

to their husbands

and husbands

to be head

of their wives?

On what grounds?

Let me just read

verses 23 and 24.

You will see

the grounds.

For the husband

is the head

of the wife

even as Christ

is the head

of the church,

His body.

And He is Himself

its Savior.

Now as the church

submits to Christ,

so also wives

should submit

to everything

to their husbands.

Did you know

there's another

dance going on?

Between Christ

and His church?

And we see

those roles

played out.

Jesus is the head

exercising His leadership

for the welfare

of His people

and His people

submissive,

dependent upon,

following Him.

These are the grounds

and they also

help us to see,

model the distinct roles

for a husband and wife.

Our roles are grounded

upon Christ

and the church.

If we take our cues

from something,

it can't be our culture.

we must take our cues

from our Bibles.

And what we're given here

is the cue,

a model of Christ

and the church.

Check this out.

What Adam and Eve

distorted because of their sin,

Christ has redeemed.

And in relationship

to His church,

He has demonstrated

what a restored

marriage relationship

looks like.

He is the head.

The church is His bride

submitting to Him.

What we also see

in verses 23 and 24

is this.

This example of Jesus

in the church

as the grounds

and model

for our roles

in marriage,

this is timeless.

This is unchanging.

It's universally binding

on not just Christians

but on everybody.

This is making a claim

on us.

Husbands,

verse 23,

here's your role.

You're to be Christ-like

in your marriage,

in your role.

The husband is the head

of the wife

just as Jesus

is head of the church,

His bride.

Jesus is seeking

to provide and protect

for His bride.

So we as husbands

like to provide

and protect

for our brides.

That word,

head,

carries the sense

of authority

and responsibility

not

tyranny.

In verse 24,

we see the wives rule.

just as the church

submits to Christ,

so wives are to submit

to their husbands.

The church is actively

entrusting herself

to Christ.

The church depends

on Christ.

The church doesn't

take matters

into her own hands.

Doesn't steal the show

and lead the dance.

There are examples.

A wife is to follow

her husband's lead

just as the church

submits to Christ.

Our roles in marriage

are grounded

and modeled

after the roles

of Christ

and His bride,

the church.

Isn't it good

that God doesn't

leave us guessing?

Very clear.

The goal,

of course,

is unity.

Harmony.

Just to draw

out one implication

of this,

God's design

for the roles

in marriage,

being that they're

timeless

and unchanging

and universally

binding,

they're true

whatever culture

that you're in.

We are not

to redefine

our roles

in marriage

because

our roles

in marriage

aren't culture

bound.

they're

grounded

in a timeless

truth,

Christ and His bride.

This is God's

design

for us.

Let me move

to some conclusions

and some

application questions.

When God

created Adam

and Eve,

He created them

both in His image.

Men and women

are of equal value

in God's eyes.

God's committed

to that.

Men.

Men in the room.

Are you

trusting

in what

God says

about the

worth

of women?

Do you

think that

you're more

valuable than

a woman

because you

are a man?

That's not

what God

thinks.

be honest,

humble yourself,

and confess

it.

Women,

are you

trusting in

what God

says about

your worth?

Your worth

is not

found in

your role.

Your worth

is found

in being

an image

bearer

of God.

Do you

think you

are less

valuable

than a man?

God does

not think

that of you.

Trust in

what He

says

is true

of you.

Another

concluding point,

headship is

a God-given

responsibility.

Husbands,

in what

ways

have you

been

exercising

this

God-given

responsibility

for your

own

selfish

ends

instead

of

your

wife's

welfare?

Another

way to

ask it

is this.

How

have you

been

using

your

role

to put

yourself

first?

God's

going to

call you

to not

do that

anymore.

to put

your

wife

first.

We'll

see that

next week.

Wives,

this is a

hard question.

Have you

been

resentful

of male

headship

because

certain men

in your

life have

sinfully

abused

it?

could it

be

that the

fault

lies with

the man

not in

the design?

I'm so

sorry.

I know

women in

this room

who have

been on the

receiving end

of abuse

because a

man

misused

his

responsibility.

I'm so

sorry.

That's not

God's will

for this.

It's wrong.

God would

have it

different.

Let me

just say

this too.

Not all

men abuse

the responsibility

God has

entrusted to

them.

Not all

men abuse

that.

Third

point.

God's

calling a

wife to

submit to

her husband

is a

high calling.

It's a

high calling.

It's a

call to

live a

certain way

for Christ.

A specific

way to

walk in

a manner

worthy

so

husbands

have you

been joking

about it?

Have you

been making

light of

that?

Have you

been making

jokes about

submission?

You're

undignifying

your wife.

You're

belittling

God's

design.

Do you

realize that

how your

wife relates

to you

matters to

Christ?

God's

love to

Christ?

It's

ultimately

about him.

Wives,

are you

looking to

Jesus

to help

you

voluntarily

entrust

yourself to

your husband's

care?

Are you

submitting

yourself to

your husband

for Christ's

sake?

Are you

making it

about you?

Are you

making it

about your

husband?

make it

about Jesus

as to

the

Lord.

Just one

life

which will

soon be

passed.

Only what's

done for

Christ will

last.

Now, I'm

guessing

that about

halfway through

this sermon,

you began

asking a

what-if

question.

I was

talking about

the command

to wife to

submit to

their husbands

and I

said that if

your husband

was exercising

his responsibility

in a Christ-like

fashion,

submitting to

him would be

a joy and

a privilege

because you

know he's

in it for

your welfare.

But what

if a husband

is not

seeking his

wife's

welfare?

Isn't that

the question?

Anybody

ask that

question?

Worse

yet,

what if

the husband

is actually

using his

role to

harm his

wife?

Does she

still need

to submit

to him?

Let me

answer that

question this

way.

This is

going to

take a

couple

minutes and

we're done.

First,

if you're

experiencing

that,

there is a

misuse of

responsibility

going on.

It's

grievous in

God's

sight.

Let's

agree on

that.

Second,

as a

follower of

Jesus,

you are to

live for

Jesus no

matter how

your husband

is treating

you.

It's about

Christ.

Your

relationship

with Christ

informs and

directs your

relationship

with your

husband,

whether he's

walking in

obedience or

disobedience,

whether he's a

Christian or a

non-Christian,

whether he's

more mature

than you or

less mature

than you,

Christ leads

you on as

to the

Lord.

But,

you are not

to submit to

your husband

if he's

commanding you

to do

something that

God forbids

or forbidding

something that

God commands

you to do

because your

primary devotion

is to

Christ.

Get it?

Now,

here's where

things get

kind of brass

tacks.

If you are

a wife in

this kind of

situation,

that word

submit is a

really difficult

word to kind

of make fit

into a

situation when

there's difficulty

going on in

abuse.

So,

let me suggest

another biblical

word for the

role of life,

helper,

found in

Genesis chapter

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

2.

If your

husband is not

seeking your

welfare or is

doing your

harm,

the question that

you need to be

asking,

though it's

difficult to

ask in that

context,

is what does

it look like

for you to

help him in

the name of

Jesus even

though you're

being hurt?

And in

order to get

your head

around the

answer to

that question,

you need

help.

You need

wise,

compassionate

counsel.

And that's

why God has

provided godly

friends and

godly leaders.

If you're a

woman in

need of

help,

the elders

of this

church are

here to

help you.

We want

to do you

good.

We want

to provide

and protect

for you

within our

roles.

But if

you're a

woman in

this situation,

you need

to take a

courageous

step.

I know

there's shame.

I know

there's

disgrace.

I know

there's

embarrassment.

I know

there can

be threats.

But to

bring this

into the

light is

the way

to move

forward.

God,

we will

be unable

to help

you if

we don't

know.

We want

to know.

Wives,

your

relationship

to Christ

informs and

directs your

relationship to

your husband.

Next week,

we're going

to look at

God's call

on husbands.

It's a

call to

die.

Let's pray.

Jesus,

I am so

aware that

there are

potholes all

over the

place with

this.

God,

would you

bring the

truth of

your word

to bear

in our

hearts as

you see

fit.

God,

would you

pray for

sisters who

need help.

God,

bring them

help.

God,

thank you

for your

word.

Thank you,

God,

that you

speak right

into our

lives.

In Jesus'

name,

amen.