Sermon

Christ Central Marriages

Christ the King Church Sermons

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  1. Would you open up your Bibles now to Colossians chapter 3?

    Colossians 3 chapter mention

  2. It's on page 1170.

  3. I'm going to start by reading Colossians chapter 3.

    Colossians 3 chapter mention

  4. I'm going to be preaching on 18 and 19, the roles of men and women in marriage.

  5. But I'm going to start in verse 12 in the reading.

  6. And I'll read through verse 19.

  7. May God bless the hearing of His Word.

  8. Put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.

  9. Bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

  10. And above all these, put on love, the love.

  11. Which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

  12. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called into one body.

  13. And be thankful.

  14. Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom.

  15. Singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.

  16. And with thankfulness in your hearts to God in whatever you do, in word or deed.

  17. Do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

  18. Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

  19. Husbands, love your wives.

  20. And do not be harsh with them.

  21. May God bless the hearing and now preaching of His Word.

  22. There's this one particular scene in the Princess Bride.

  23. Princess Buttercup and the evil Prince Humperdinck are kneeling at the altar.

  24. And the priest has his back turned.

  25. And the priest turns and he signals them to rise.

  26. And then the priest says,

  27. Marriage.

  28. Marriage is what brings us together today.

  29. It's quite a scene.

  30. You have a incompetent religious professional making a mockery of the institution of marriage.

  31. We live in a culture that is terribly confused about marriage.

  32. Not just the nature of marriage, but the roles of men and women in marriage.

  33. There's even confusion within the church about the roles of men and women within a Christian marriage.

  34. Brothers and sisters, we need clarity.

  35. And God's Word gives us clarity.

  36. Biblically speaking, marriage is an exclusive commitment between one man, one woman, to each other, for life, before God.

  37. And we've reached a point in the book of Colossians where Paul has moved from addressing the church to now addressing households.

  38. And what we have in 3.18-4.1 is what's called a household code.

  39. A household code.

  40. It's hard to talk about.

  41. It's even hard to say from the pulpit.

  42. Household slaves and masters.

  43. A household code is actually a spelling out of the authority structure within a household.

  44. And Paul begins the household code section with instructions to wives and husbands in marriage.

  45. Marriage is not why we've come together today.

  46. Christ is.

  47. Christ is.

  48. And so what I'm going to argue for this morning from the Bible, from this text that we're going to read that many of us are wondering about.

  49. Christ must be the controlling center of our marriages, brothers and sisters.

  50. Christ must be the controlling center.

  51. So here's how we're going to proceed.

  52. I just want to help you think about Christian household codes.

  53. And the nature of authority.

  54. And then we're going to look at the call to Christian husbands.

  55. And then the call to Christian wives.

  56. And then I'm calling you out to the dance floor.

  57. Christ must be the controlling center of our marriages.

  58. Of our marriages, brothers and sisters.

  59. We will experience Christocentric resonance in our marriages.

  60. The peace of Christ.

  61. The peace of Christ ruling our hearts.

  62. The word of Christ dwelling richly among husband and wife.

  63. And we're doing everything in word and deed.

  64. Our roles played out in the name of Jesus.

  65. Do I have an amen?

  66. Amen.

  67. Amen.

  68. So regarding household codes and authority.

  69. Back in the first century, a household code provided clarity to the relationships within a household.

  70. And at that time, it regarded marriage in terms of, and as well as parenting children, as well as relationships with household slaves.

  71. This past week, I read three household codes.

  72. One written by Aristotle.

  73. The other written by Philo.

  74. The other written by Josephus.

  75. And all three had two things in common.

  76. You ready?

  77. These non-Christian household codes, they made the man, the head of the home, the controlling center of the household.

  78. These non-Christian codes did.

  79. And secondly, these non-Christian household codes, they demeaned those who were in an inferior position.

  80. They were in a subordinate role.

  81. And so, all three of the codes, they obviously valued wives, children, and slaves less than the man of the home.

  82. But then when you look at Christian household codes, like we have in Colossians 3, Ephesians 5 and 6, 1 Peter chapter 3, they are revolutionary.

    1 Peter 3 chapter mention

  83. A Christian household code insists on Christ being the controlling center of a household.

  84. You can see it in our passage.

  85. Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord.

  86. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

  87. Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, fearing the Lord, in verse 22.

  88. Whatever you do, as do it as the Lord, you're serving the Lord Christ, in verse 24.

  89. And then finally, he turns to masters.

  90. And masters of the first century household would have been the fathers and husbands as well.

  91. So, one man.

  92. He says to them,

  93. Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a master in heaven.

  94. Reverence to the Lord Jesus.

  95. Every person in a household is called to make Jesus the controlling center of their life.

  96. It's revolutionary.

  97. All the members, here's another difference.

  98. All the members of a Christian household are to be dignified.

  99. Despite their role, they're to be dignified as having equal value.

  100. A husband who leads his home isn't, in God's eyes, more valuable than his wife or his children.

  101. No, we're all image bearers.

  102. We are all equally in need of being saved.

  103. But one of the things I also want you to notice, and this is debatable within the Christian church,

  104. Paul preserves an authority structure that is grounded in the order of creation.

  105. And so, he looks to husbands and fathers to be the unique leader of the home.

  106. Having a unique responsibility.

  107. I'm going to come back to that in a little bit.

  108. But I just want you to help you see that the purpose of a household code is to bring priests in order to a household.

  109. And we're to do this in a Christocentric way.

  110. In a way that dignifies everyone in our home.

  111. Now, let me just speak a word about authority.

  112. I'm guessing when you hear the word authority,

  113. authority, you think power.

  114. The power to tell someone else what to do.

  115. Our culture isolates authority as something to be grasped for in order to get your agenda done.

  116. Here's how I want you to think about authority.

  117. Authority is the function of responsibility.

  118. Authority is an outworking of responsibility.

  119. When God entrusts people to another person,

  120. He grants them authority to act on their behalf.

  121. For their well-being.

  122. That's Christian authority operating in an understanding of Christian responsibility.

  123. We don't divorce authority from responsibility.

  124. We understand it as a necessary function of it.

  125. And so the elders of a church are given authority to act on behalf of the members of the church

  126. because they have a responsibility before the Lord

  127. to oversee the church for the church's well-being.

  128. And God gives responsibility, a unique responsibility to husbands and fathers in Christian households

  129. for the well-being of their wives and children.

  130. And that's why He gives us a unique authority

  131. to be used for the well-being of those in our homes.

  132. So we need to be thinking well about these things.

  133. A Christian household are to be Christ-centered and dignifying of all.

  134. And the God-given authority given to people with a responsibility

  135. is for the good of those in the household.

  136. So now let's look at the call to Christian husbands.

  137. Verse 19.

  138. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

  139. Let me just remind you of who's being addressed here.

  140. Because this is not a new start in the book of Colossians.

  141. This is coming out of what we just read,

  142. what we've just been studying,

  143. what we've been seeking to apply.

  144. Brother, if you're a Christian married man in the room,

  145. God is addressing you here clearly.

  146. Husbands, love your wives.

  147. These married men have been delivered from the domain of darkness

  148. and transferred into the kingdom of the beloved son.

  149. These married men have been given a new identity.

  150. They have been united with Christ in His death and His resurrection.

  151. Their identity is not so much in their manness

  152. as first and foremost in their being in Christ.

  153. They have a new aim.

  154. Seek the things that are above, where Christ is.

  155. They have a new time frame.

  156. They are wanting to live out their lives,

  157. realizing they're in between the first coming

  158. and the second coming of Christ.

  159. They got a new wardrobe.

  160. These Christian men,

  161. they are to put off the old self

  162. with all of their grave clothes

  163. and put on the new self of Christ-likeness,

  164. compassionate hearts,

  165. kindness,

  166. humility,

  167. meekness,

  168. patience,

  169. and above all else,

  170. love.

  171. And so brothers,

  172. here's what you've got to understand at the forefront.

  173. I want you to feel the weight of this.

  174. We see it played out in Genesis 1, 2, and 3.

  175. Just as God held Adam accountable

  176. for his family

  177. in Genesis 3, 9,

  178. in a unique way,

  179. God is going to hold you accountable

  180. for your family

  181. in a unique way.

  182. It's a responsibility

  183. he's entrusted to you.

  184. Their well-being.

  185. And so brother,

  186. as the head of your home,

  187. you must love your wives.

  188. The well-being of your wife

  189. is your top priority.

  190. And the way you

  191. show this responsibility,

  192. the way you show this commitment,

  193. the way you lead your wife,

  194. the way that you exercise

  195. this authority

  196. given to you by God

  197. is by loving your wife.

  198. That word love

  199. in verse 19

  200. follows on the heels

  201. of the use of the word love

  202. in verse 14.

  203. And above all these,

  204. put on the love.

  205. The Christ-like love

  206. of John 13, 34, and 35.

  207. It's the,

  208. you want to flip over

  209. to Ephesians chapter 5.

    Ephesians 5 chapter mention

  210. It's this kind of love.

  211. Husbands, love your wives

  212. as Christ loved the church

  213. and gave himself up for her

  214. that he might sanctify her,

  215. having cleansed her

  216. by the washing of water

  217. with the word.

  218. This kind of love

  219. that we're talking about here

  220. is not a domineering love.

  221. It's not a tyrannical love.

  222. It's not an abdicating love.

  223. It's a self-sacrificing love.

  224. It's I'm going to lay my life down

  225. for my wife,

  226. for her well-being.

  227. All unto Christ.

  228. For the well-being

  229. of her physical body,

  230. for the well-being

  231. of her mental health,

  232. of her emotional health,

  233. of her relational health,

  234. and of course,

  235. her spiritual health.

  236. I'm going to sacrifice myself

  237. for her comprehensive well-being.

  238. You know what the result is?

  239. When a brother's loving his wife like that,

  240. do you know what happens?

  241. Your lady thrives.

  242. She blossoms.

  243. She experiences,

  244. through your loving leadership,

  245. joy,

  246. gladness,

  247. safety,

  248. support.

  249. Brother, imagine this.

  250. You're at the judgment

  251. and your wife goes first.

  252. The Lord Jesus asks her,

  253. so how did Mike do?

  254. Jenny's like,

  255. eh.

  256. I'm anticipating that time.

  257. Jesus is going to look at me

  258. and I'm going to,

  259. hmm.

  260. But if Jenny says this,

  261. or your brother,

  262. your wife says this,

  263. Mike wasn't perfect.

  264. He stepped on my toes a lot.

  265. But man,

  266. he helped me to thrive

  267. for you.

  268. He helped me to treasure you,

  269. Lord Jesus.

  270. He gave himself

  271. so that I could treasure you,

  272. Lord Jesus.

  273. I don't need to hear anything else.

  274. What a day.

  275. Brothers,

  276. ours is a high,

  277. Christ-like call.

  278. to love your wives.

  279. There's a qualification.

  280. Don't be harsh with them.

  281. Let me just put in some other words.

  282. Don't be domineering.

  283. Don't bully.

  284. Don't demean.

  285. Don't despise.

  286. Don't be impatient.

  287. That word harsh

  288. literally means to become embittered.

  289. So let's just say

  290. your wife comes up to you

  291. and she's like

  292. trying to help you

  293. not to sin.

  294. You might become embittered.

  295. Don't be embittered

  296. because she's trying

  297. to help you follow Jesus.

  298. Thank her.

  299. This word harsh

  300. gives me an opportunity

  301. to talk about abuse.

  302. This rules out

  303. any

  304. physical abuse.

  305. It rules out

  306. any emotional,

  307. verbal,

  308. sexual abuse.

  309. Brothers,

  310. we may not

  311. abuse our wives.

  312. It's an abuse

  313. of your responsibility.

  314. God has not

  315. called you to that.

  316. You're not to sin

  317. against your wives

  318. like that.

  319. It's the very opposite

  320. of laying your life

  321. down for your wife's

  322. good.

  323. I have another qualification.

  324. This isn't apostolic.

  325. This isn't written

  326. in holy script.

  327. I'd put it this way.

  328. Paul just said

  329. don't be harsh with them.

  330. I would say

  331. brothers,

  332. don't be hiding

  333. from them.

  334. Don't be checking out.

  335. Harshness is a distortion

  336. of your responsibility

  337. by way of tyranny.

  338. Checking out

  339. and hiding

  340. is a distortion

  341. of your responsibility

  342. by abdication.

  343. It is

  344. an abdicating

  345. of the responsibility

  346. given to you,

  347. brother,

  348. by God himself.

  349. You might say to me,

  350. oh Mike,

  351. she's more spiritual

  352. than I am.

  353. She's more mature

  354. than me.

  355. Okay,

  356. that's fine.

  357. That doesn't relieve you

  358. of the responsibility

  359. of laying your life

  360. down for her good.

  361. Mike,

  362. she's more effective

  363. than I am.

  364. She gets things done.

  365. Great,

  366. utilize it.

  367. That doesn't relieve you

  368. of the responsibility

  369. God has given you.

  370. Mike,

  371. I'm compromised

  372. by my own sin.

  373. I've been hamstrung.

  374. I think

  375. that there's

  376. a wicked scheme

  377. of the devil

  378. out there right now.

  379. Hamstringing men,

  380. Christian men

  381. from leading

  382. in their homes

  383. because they know

  384. they've disqualified

  385. themselves.

  386. Brothers,

  387. whatever sin it may be,

  388. don't be hiding.

  389. don't be hiding

  390. from your wife.

  391. She's part

  392. of the solution

  393. to you

  394. living

  395. an uncompromised

  396. life.

  397. A life

  398. of integrity.

  399. These are weighty

  400. issues,

  401. aren't they?

  402. But there's

  403. goodness

  404. to this.

  405. Brothers,

  406. responsibility

  407. is good.

  408. It's good.

  409. you might be

  410. asking right now,

  411. what do I do?

  412. What do I do?

  413. Here's what you do.

  414. Treasure Jesus

  415. above all else.

  416. Treasure him.

  417. Make him center

  418. of all that you are

  419. and you bring

  420. that to your wife.

  421. You bring that

  422. to your marriage,

  423. brother.

  424. That's what you do.

  425. I'm going to give you

  426. some dance instructions

  427. and a little bit

  428. of some steps

  429. you can take.

  430. The first thing

  431. is the most important

  432. thing

  433. and that is to make

  434. Jesus your first love.

  435. More than you love

  436. yourself,

  437. more than you love

  438. your spouse.

  439. Having said that,

  440. the call to Christian

  441. husbands now look

  442. at the call

  443. to Christian wives.

  444. I know everybody

  445. in the room wants

  446. to know what

  447. submit means.

  448. Submit means.

  449. Submit means.

  450. But let me just

  451. remind you,

  452. sister,

  453. of who you are.

  454. If you're a married

  455. Christian woman,

  456. God is addressing

  457. you directly.

  458. Wives,

  459. submit to your husbands

  460. as is fitting

  461. in the Lord.

  462. The women being

  463. addressed here

  464. are married women

  465. who've been transferred

  466. from the domain

  467. of darkness

  468. into the kingdom

  469. of the beloved son.

  470. The women

  471. that he's addressing

  472. here are women

  473. with a new identity.

  474. These women

  475. have been united

  476. with Christ

  477. in his death

  478. and resurrection.

  479. So their identity

  480. is not being

  481. in a wife

  482. or being the wife

  483. of this particular man.

  484. First and foremost,

  485. their controlling identity

  486. is that they've been

  487. united with Christ

  488. in his death

  489. and resurrection.

  490. Ladies,

  491. do I have an amen?

  492. Amen.

  493. They have a new aim

  494. to seek the things

  495. that are above

  496. where Christ is.

  497. It's Christ

  498. that you serve.

  499. New time frame.

  500. You live

  501. in between

  502. the first coming

  503. and second coming

  504. of Jesus.

  505. Church,

  506. what time is it?

  507. It's Christ time.

  508. Ladies,

  509. you've got a new attire.

  510. It just so happens

  511. to be the same attire

  512. as your husband's.

  513. To put off

  514. the old self

  515. and to put on

  516. new Christ-likeness,

  517. compassionate hearts,

  518. kindness,

  519. humility,

  520. meekness,

  521. patience,

  522. love.

  523. Did you hear

  524. what's going on here?

  525. We've got husband

  526. and wife

  527. adorned in Christ

  528. dancing the dance

  529. of marriage.

  530. So now we come

  531. to this word submit.

  532. Sister,

  533. when you read

  534. that word submit,

  535. that despite what

  536. our culture may say

  537. and despite

  538. what you may feel,

  539. that word submit

  540. doesn't mean

  541. you're inferior.

  542. That's not what

  543. it's getting at.

  544. We fully embrace

  545. the equal value

  546. of men and women

  547. in our church.

  548. God's given

  549. different roles.

  550. That's why

  551. this word is here.

  552. But you need

  553. not fear it.

  554. You're not inferior.

  555. Kevin DeYoung

  556. is one of my

  557. favorite preachers

  558. and one of my

  559. favorite thinkers.

  560. He wrote an article.

  561. I got it somewhere.

  562. Here.

  563. Here it is.

  564. Let us reason

  565. together about

  566. complementarianism.

  567. That's a huge word.

  568. But that's

  569. kind of what's behind

  570. what we're talking about.

  571. If you want to learn

  572. about this,

  573. there are 30 copies

  574. of this article

  575. outside

  576. in the

  577. Connect Desk.

  578. Grab one.

  579. But in this article,

  580. he makes a case

  581. that the 38 times

  582. this word submit,

  583. hypotasso,

  584. is used

  585. in the New Testament,

  586. it's always referring

  587. to one party,

  588. always in a relationship

  589. with one party

  590. in authority

  591. over another.

  592. The party

  593. in the subordinate

  594. role is called

  595. to submit.

  596. to the authority

  597. of the one

  598. who has a responsibility.

  599. So,

  600. here's how to think

  601. about submission.

  602. Submission

  603. is a willing

  604. coming under,

  605. a willing

  606. coming under

  607. the God-given

  608. authority

  609. and responsibility

  610. of someone else.

  611. That's what

  612. submission is.

  613. Willingly coming

  614. under God's

  615. good design

  616. of something.

  617. It's a wife

  618. saying,

  619. my husband

  620. has a God-given

  621. responsibility,

  622. for me,

  623. and I will

  624. entrust myself

  625. to him.

  626. That's what

  627. submission is.

  628. Now,

  629. this isn't done

  630. blindly,

  631. because I'm guessing

  632. in many of your

  633. minds right now,

  634. you're saying,

  635. well,

  636. what about this?

  637. What about that?

  638. I'm not trying

  639. to be Pollyanna here.

  640. I'm not trying

  641. to see things

  642. in rose-colored

  643. glasses.

  644. What we do need

  645. to hear clearly,

  646. though,

  647. is what God

  648. is saying to you.

  649. What God

  650. is,

  651. just imagine

  652. this.

  653. If a Christian

  654. wife

  655. is thoroughly

  656. convinced

  657. by her husband's

  658. actions

  659. that he is

  660. sacrificing himself

  661. for her well-being,

  662. do you know

  663. what that does?

  664. Do you know

  665. what that does?

  666. that makes

  667. submission a joy?

  668. That positions

  669. her to respond

  670. well.

  671. She has confidence

  672. in you,

  673. brothers.

  674. At the heart

  675. of responsibility

  676. is trustworthiness,

  677. and at the heart

  678. of trustworthiness

  679. is character,

  680. integrity.

  681. If you want

  682. to look at

  683. Ephesians

    Ephesians 5 chapter mention

  684. chapter 5,

  685. 22

  686. through 24,

  687. we read this.

  688. Wives,

  689. submit to your

  690. own husbands,

  691. not to somebody

  692. else's husband.

  693. Wives,

  694. submit to your

  695. own husbands

  696. as to the

  697. Lord,

  698. for the

  699. husband is

  700. the head

  701. of the

  702. wife,

  703. even as

  704. Christ is

  705. the head

  706. of the

  707. church,

  708. his body

  709. and himself

  710. as Savior.

  711. That's an

  712. actual argument

  713. from the

  714. order of

  715. creation.

  716. Now as

  717. the church

  718. submits to

  719. Christ,

  720. so also

  721. wives should

  722. submit in

  723. everything to

  724. their husbands.

  725. Husbands,

  726. love your

  727. wives as

  728. Christ loved

  729. the church

  730. and gave

  731. himself up

  732. for her.

  733. Do you

  734. see what's

  735. going on

  736. here?

  737. Our

  738. marriages

  739. are living

  740. parables

  741. of Christ's

  742. relationship

  743. to the

  744. church.

  745. It's a

  746. dance we

  747. get to

  748. dance,

  749. brothers and

  750. sisters.

  751. Some of

  752. us husbands,

  753. we are

  754. demonstrating

  755. Christ-like

  756. love and

  757. initiating with

  758. our wives in

  759. a certain

  760. way and

  761. our wives

  762. are demonstrating

  763. a church-like

  764. response.

  765. It's a

  766. beautiful

  767. dance.

  768. And when

  769. Jesus Christ

  770. is the

  771. functional

  772. center of

  773. a marriage,

  774. marriage,

  775. this dance

  776. has a

  777. Christocentric

  778. resonance to

  779. it.

  780. The peace

  781. of Christ

  782. ruling hearts,

  783. the word of

  784. Christ dwelling

  785. richly among

  786. them,

  787. and the name

  788. of Christ

  789. being exalted

  790. in all that

  791. they do.

  792. That's what

  793. we're being

  794. called to.

  795. Don't settle

  796. for less.

  797. Let's aim

  798. for more.

  799. There's a

  800. qualification.

  801. to this

  802. wives,

  803. submit to

  804. your husbands

  805. as is

  806. fitting in

  807. the Lord.

  808. Christian

  809. wife,

  810. there is

  811. only one

  812. person in

  813. your life

  814. who has

  815. unconditional,

  816. unilateral,

  817. indefinite,

  818. authority over

  819. every aspect of

  820. your life.

  821. Do you know

  822. who it is?

  823. It's not your

  824. husband.

  825. It's the Lord

  826. Jesus Christ.

  827. Your husband's

  828. authority is a

  829. derived authority

  830. from God

  831. himself, and he

  832. is to exercise

  833. that authority out

  834. of his responsibility

  835. for you, for

  836. your well-being

  837. in Christ.

  838. Christ.

  839. So here's

  840. what that

  841. means.

  842. Your

  843. willing

  844. submission to

  845. your husband

  846. is a

  847. means to

  848. magnifying

  849. Christ.

  850. It's for

  851. him.

  852. He's your

  853. new aim.

  854. Your

  855. husband must

  856. not take the

  857. place of Jesus

  858. Christ in your

  859. life.

  860. He can't.

  861. but you

  862. can follow

  863. him in a

  864. way that is

  865. for Christ.

  866. He's seated

  867. in the

  868. heavenlies

  869. right now.

  870. Set your

  871. sights on

  872. what is

  873. above.

  874. Here's another

  875. thing that this

  876. means, this

  877. qualification as

  878. is fitting in

  879. the Lord.

  880. Sister, you

  881. willingly submit

  882. to your

  883. husband in

  884. so far as

  885. it pleases

  886. Christ.

  887. if your

  888. husband is

  889. demanding you

  890. to do

  891. something that

  892. grieves the

  893. Lord Jesus to

  894. lie in a tax

  895. form, to

  896. go rob a

  897. bank, you

  898. say no.

  899. With full

  900. authority knowing

  901. it doesn't

  902. please Christ

  903. and it's

  904. Christ who

  905. matters most.

  906. Now you

  907. may be able

  908. to have to

  909. say something

  910. like this,

  911. honey, I'm

  912. happy to

  913. follow you

  914. as long as

  915. Christ is

  916. exalted but

  917. I will not

  918. lie for you.

  919. I will not

  920. deceive others

  921. for you.

  922. I can't.

  923. Jesus Christ

  924. is your

  925. ultimate Lord

  926. sister.

  927. Brothers, are

  928. you hearing

  929. me?

  930. Are you

  931. hearing me?

  932. Sister, here's

  933. something else

  934. this means.

  935. You're not

  936. trapped in

  937. your husband

  938. has been

  939. given a

  940. God-given

  941. responsibility

  942. and authority

  943. for you,

  944. yes, but

  945. he's

  946. accountable.

  947. He's

  948. accountable to

  949. God himself

  950. and to the

  951. elders of our

  952. church.

  953. church.

  954. We're not

  955. going to

  956. tolerate

  957. abuse in

  958. Christ the

  959. King

  960. church.

  961. You know

  962. why?

  963. It's not

  964. Christ-like.

  965. In all of

  966. this, I would

  967. say one thing,

  968. sisters.

  969. Don't grab

  970. the reins.

  971. Let your

  972. husband lead.

  973. With all this

  974. said, let your

  975. husband lead.

  976. In fact,

  977. encourage him.

  978. Say, you go

  979. brother.

  980. Lead us unto

  981. Christ.

  982. How can I

  983. help?

  984. Now you may be

  985. asking this

  986. question, what

  987. if I'm married

  988. to an

  989. unbeliever?

  990. Non-Christian.

  991. Do you know

  992. what you do?

  993. You submit to

  994. your non-Christian

  995. husband in what

  996. you can as unto

  997. the Lord.

  998. And look at

  999. 1 Peter 3.

  1000. Now, if

  1001. you're a

  1002. sister in the

  1003. room who's

  1004. married and

  1005. you sense God

  1006. addressing you and

  1007. now you're asking

  1008. the question, what

  1009. do I do, Mike?

  1010. How do I

  1011. respond?

  1012. Do you

  1013. remember what I

  1014. told the

  1015. husbands?

  1016. Treasure Christ

  1017. above all else.

  1018. Make him central

  1019. to all that you

  1020. are and walk in a

  1021. manner worthy of

  1022. the Lord and what

  1023. he's called you to

  1024. as a wife.

  1025. And then we

  1026. bring in this

  1027. Christ-like

  1028. wardrobe into

  1029. our marriages.

  1030. Which now brings

  1031. me to the

  1032. call to the

  1033. dance floor.

  1034. Next month, I

  1035. told you this last

  1036. week, the

  1037. Salvati's are

  1038. heading out to

  1039. Iowa City, Iowa.

  1040. I don't think we

  1041. would go there for

  1042. any other reason

  1043. other than my

  1044. nephews getting

  1045. married.

  1046. And I know what

  1047. awaits.

  1048. What awaits in

  1049. Iowa City is a

  1050. dance floor.

  1051. And I'm planning

  1052. on bringing Jenny

  1053. out on the dance

  1054. floor.

  1055. I'm going to draw

  1056. her close and

  1057. we're going to

  1058. lead her as the

  1059. music plays and

  1060. we're going to

  1061. work together.

  1062. I am a lousy

  1063. dancer.

  1064. I am a boring

  1065. dancer.

  1066. I know that's

  1067. hard to believe.

  1068. It's true.

  1069. Here's the

  1070. mistake I make.

  1071. I just start

  1072. doing a circle

  1073. move.

  1074. I think I'm

  1075. doing pretty good

  1076. and then Jenny's

  1077. like, oh.

  1078. I also step on

  1079. Jenny's toes.

  1080. And I love it

  1081. when she tells me,

  1082. Mike, you're

  1083. dancing in circles.

  1084. Okay.

  1085. Mike, you're

  1086. stepping on my

  1087. toes.

  1088. Oh, I'm sorry,

  1089. sorry.

  1090. Brothers, take

  1091. your wives out on

  1092. the dance floor.

  1093. Dance, brother.

  1094. Bring them out.

  1095. Lead them.

  1096. It's okay you

  1097. dance in circles.

  1098. She'll tell you.

  1099. It's okay you

  1100. dance on her toes.

  1101. Dance on her toes.

  1102. She'll let you

  1103. know.

  1104. But better that

  1105. than do nothing.

  1106. So let me give you

  1107. five steps.

  1108. You ready?

  1109. Christocentric

  1110. resonantial dance moves.

  1111. The first three

  1112. happens before you

  1113. even greet your wife

  1114. in the morning

  1115. and wife before you

  1116. greet your husband.

  1117. Move number one.

  1118. Treasure Christ

  1119. above all else.

  1120. every day.

  1121. Seek him.

  1122. Behold him.

  1123. And your beholding

  1124. of him become

  1125. like him.

  1126. Put off the old

  1127. grave clothes.

  1128. Put on Christ

  1129. like this.

  1130. That's where we

  1131. start.

  1132. Treasure Jesus

  1133. more than yourself,

  1134. more than your

  1135. spouse.

  1136. It will go well

  1137. with your marriage.

  1138. Second, this is

  1139. before you get out

  1140. on the dance floor.

  1141. Kind of warming up.

  1142. Thank God.

  1143. Thank God for your

  1144. spouse.

  1145. Thank God for this

  1146. calling on you.

  1147. Thank God for your

  1148. marriage.

  1149. When you are

  1150. thanking God for

  1151. these things,

  1152. there's this

  1153. goodness.

  1154. It's this

  1155. graciousness

  1156. that brings into,

  1157. God brings into a

  1158. marriage.

  1159. God, thank you so

  1160. much for Jenny.

  1161. Thank you, God,

  1162. for calling me to be

  1163. her husband.

  1164. Thank you for the

  1165. responsibility you've

  1166. given me.

  1167. Thank you, God,

  1168. for this marriage.

  1169. Third,

  1170. ask God for help.

  1171. For yourself first,

  1172. before your spouse.

  1173. God, would you

  1174. please, please help

  1175. me lead Jenny in

  1176. such a way that

  1177. Christ is exalted.

  1178. Help me to lead

  1179. her to you,

  1180. Lord Jesus,

  1181. that she would

  1182. treasure you more.

  1183. And then you start

  1184. asking questions.

  1185. God, would you

  1186. show me if I'm

  1187. being irresponsible?

  1188. Would you show me

  1189. if I'm being harsh?

  1190. Would you show me

  1191. if I'm hiding out

  1192. so that I can step

  1193. back in for the

  1194. glory of your name?

  1195. And then I'll pray,

  1196. oh, God, help

  1197. Jenny follow me

  1198. as is fitting to you.

  1199. That's just for

  1200. husbands, wives.

  1201. We're praying

  1202. something similar.

  1203. And so what we're

  1204. doing here is we're

  1205. getting ready to step

  1206. out on the dance

  1207. floor.

  1208. So now number four,

  1209. this is how you can

  1210. actually play it out,

  1211. dance it out.

  1212. Husbands, I want to

  1213. help you think about

  1214. leading your wives

  1215. conversationally.

  1216. And here's what that

  1217. looks like.

  1218. This looks like taking

  1219. her on the dance floor

  1220. and you're going to

  1221. lead her in a certain

  1222. way.

  1223. It's going to be

  1224. conversational.

  1225. Here's what you do.

  1226. First, one of the

  1227. things you can raise

  1228. with her is, you're

  1229. like on the dance

  1230. floor.

  1231. Honey, how are we

  1232. doing?

  1233. Are we at peace?

  1234. You're treasuring Jesus.

  1235. You're thanking God.

  1236. You're asking for help.

  1237. Are we at peace,

  1238. sweetheart?

  1239. And if she says no,

  1240. you're dancing.

  1241. You just didn't,

  1242. you're no longer,

  1243. it's not like you're

  1244. not dancing.

  1245. Now you're dancing

  1246. because you're going

  1247. to make peace.

  1248. You're going to forgive

  1249. one another as God

  1250. and Christ forgave you.

  1251. You work it out.

  1252. That's part of the

  1253. dance.

  1254. Or maybe you ask a

  1255. spiritual question like,

  1256. honey, how are you

  1257. doing?

  1258. What are you reading

  1259. in your Bible?

  1260. Can you share it with

  1261. me?

  1262. What's God teaching you?

  1263. How's he growing you?

  1264. Are you being tempted

  1265. anywhere?

  1266. Are you struggling

  1267. with anything?

  1268. You will know your

  1269. wife well enough to

  1270. know what she struggles

  1271. with.

  1272. Ask her about it.

  1273. And sisters, when he

  1274. does, be honest,

  1275. lovingly, kindly,

  1276. humbly honest.

  1277. Brothers, one of the

  1278. most important things

  1279. here is a principle

  1280. of integrity.

  1281. You don't want to be

  1282. asking your wife about

  1283. her spiritual life

  1284. without tending to

  1285. your own.

  1286. And so, ask her these

  1287. questions having been

  1288. pursuant of Jesus

  1289. yourself.

  1290. Brothers, you can take

  1291. another step.

  1292. You can be leading her

  1293. in a step like this.

  1294. Sweetheart, hey, how

  1295. can we use more of our

  1296. financial resources to

  1297. advance the kingdom?

  1298. And if she says, you

  1299. can stop gambling, you

  1300. need to receive it as, oh,

  1301. thank you, sweetheart.

  1302. Totally right.

  1303. This is you leading,

  1304. opening yourself up.

  1305. When you ask these kinds

  1306. of questions and start

  1307. these kinds of

  1308. conversations, you're

  1309. obligating yourself to

  1310. follow through on it,

  1311. brothers.

  1312. That's why guys hide

  1313. from these kinds of

  1314. things.

  1315. Step in.

  1316. Be willing to follow

  1317. through.

  1318. There's more we can say.

  1319. I'm out of time.

  1320. But number five, dance

  1321. camp.

  1322. The Tipmans, they have a

  1323. ministry called Family

  1324. Life, and they put on

  1325. these weekend conferences

  1326. called Weekends to

  1327. Remember.

  1328. It's a marriage dance

  1329. camp.

  1330. And the next one that's

  1331. coming up that you

  1332. should know about is in

  1333. Madison.

  1334. It's next year, March

  1335. 3rd, March 14th through

  1336. the 16th.

  1337. I think we should go to

  1338. dance camp together,

  1339. brothers and sisters.

  1340. Christian marriage is

  1341. like a dance.

  1342. Between a Christian

  1343. husband and a Christian

  1344. wife, the husband is

  1345. lovingly leading, the wife

  1346. is wisely following with

  1347. Christ as their

  1348. controlling center.

  1349. And you know what the

  1350. result is?

  1351. Christocentric

  1352. resonance.

  1353. Peace.

  1354. The word of Christ, the

  1355. name of Christ, ruling.

  1356. Marriage becomes a living

  1357. parable of the relationship

  1358. between Christ and the

  1359. church.

  1360. It's a great place to

  1361. raise children.

  1362. marriage.

  1363. Marriage is why we've come

  1364. together today.

  1365. It's not.

  1366. Christ is.

  1367. And Christ must be the

  1368. controlling center of our

  1369. marriages.

  1370. Do I have an amen?

  1371. Let me pray.

  1372. Amen.

  1373. Amen.

  1374. Amen.

  1375. Amen.

  1376. Amen.

  1377. Amen.

  1378. Amen.

  1379. Amen.

  1380. Amen.

  1381. Amen.

  1382. Amen.

  1383. Amen.

  1384. Lord, help us.

  1385. We are men and women, yes,

  1386. redeemed by your blood, yes,

  1387. filled by your spirit, yes,

  1388. we delight in your word, and

  1389. yes, we need help.

  1390. We need help, Lord.

  1391. Give us strength.

  1392. Give us wisdom.

  1393. I pray for the husbands of

  1394. our church that they would

  1395. delight in the responsibility

  1396. you've given them.

  1397. They would delight in it.

  1398. And love their wives as you,

  1399. Lord Jesus, has loved your

  1400. church.

  1401. And I pray for the wives of

  1402. our church that they would

  1403. gladly come under the loving

  1404. leadership of their husbands.

  1405. All for the glory of your name,

  1406. Jesus.

  1407. Amen.

  1408. Amen.

  1409. Amen.

  1410. Amen.

  1411. Amen.

  1412. Amen.

  1413. Amen.

  1414. Amen.

  1415. Amen.

  1416. Amen.

  1417. Amen.

  1418. Amen.

  1419. Amen.

  1420. Amen.

  1421. Amen.

  1422. Amen.

  1423. Amen.

  1424. Amen.

  1425. Amen.

  1426. Amen.

  1427. Amen.

  1428. Amen.

  1429. Amen.