War and Peace

Good morning, Watermark.

My name is Chris.

I help out with community groups here at Watermark.

Over the last three weeks or so,

we've been looking at a series in the book of James.

And I like to think of James as a bit like open heart surgery.

And James is a skillful surgeon,

but he doesn't use a scalpel to deal with the surgery.

It seems like at times he gets a pneumatic drill

and is kind of drilling away at the hardness in our heart.

And sometimes it's quite intense.

Sometimes it's painful.

But actually the result is always something of a transformation in our heart.

It's to do us good.

It's to change us and to make us more as God wants us to be.

So we've been looking at, over the last three weeks,

at how our actions and what we do reveals our heart.

So we've looked at how we treat God's word reveals our heart.

We've looked at how when we love the poor or how we don't,

that reveals our heart.

We've looked at the words that we use,

how they reveal our heart.

And today we're going to look at the issue of conflict.

Okay?

How conflict reveals our heart.

Now just a couple of things to introduce it with.

Conflict is inevitable.

If you spend enough time with somebody,

it doesn't matter whether it's at work,

whether it's in a marriage,

whether it's even on the MTR,

if you spend enough time with people,

sooner or later,

someone is going to rub you up the wrong way.

Sooner or later,

there is going to be conflict.

You just have to look,

this past week,

you've seen the terrible killings that have happened.

You look in the Dayu Islands.

Everywhere there is conflict.

Because when you get two or more sinful,

broken people together,

it's like two pieces of flint,

which you just keep rubbing them together,

and sooner or later,

there will be a spark.

It's the reality of living in a sinful,

broken,

fallen world.

Even in churches,

we think churches should be the wonderful places

where we love each other,

and they should,

but sooner or later,

there will be conflict.

Now,

we often don't like to hear that,

because we want to have protection.

Some of us may have been hurt.

Some of us may know the pain of conflict.

And yet,

conflict is a reality.

It shouldn't actually shock us.

In one sense,

it's not the end of the world,

if there is conflict.

conflict.

Because maybe,

if we never have conflict,

maybe it's our relationships are actually superficial.

Maybe our relationships aren't deep enough.

Because conflict comes out of when we are rubbing up against each other in life.

But that may not be very comforting to you.

You may be thinking,

oh, great.

That sounds wonderful.

Thank you.

You've really made my day, Chris.

But here's the second thing we need to remember,

is conflict,

if we handle it well,

can be an amazing blessing.

It can be used,

redemptively,

by God,

to deepen relationships.

And you know that,

if you've been in a relationship,

where you've actually worked through conflict,

and come out the other side,

you know it actually deepens,

the love between you.

Because now,

you're under no illusions,

okay,

you know the other person is completely messed up.

You can see their faults,

and yet,

you can keep on loving them,

knowing full well,

of some of what they're like.

That's actually the love that Jesus has for us,

knowing full well what we're like,

and yet,

he just loves us.

And that's the kind of church,

God wants to make,

where there will be conflict,

but if we handle it well,

it can deepen our relationships.

It can grow us,

to actually learn to love one another,

better,

and more as Jesus wants us to.

So,

I'm going to look at three,

three main points,

today.

The first is,

three types of conflict.

The second is,

what causes conflict.

And the third is,

how to deal with conflict.

Okay.

If you look,

in your passage,

at James 4,

James 4:1

verse 1,

it says,

what causes,

fights,

and quarrels,

among you?

That word,

those words,

fights,

and quarrels,

are literally,

wars,

and fights.

Now,

I don't know about you,

but I personally,

haven't been in many wars recently.

And I think of fights,

as kind of,

what happens,

at two o'clock in the morning,

after two guys,

have just been drinking,

a bit too much,

and they're punching,

each other's lights out.

That's my view,

of wars,

and fights.

But I think,

sometimes,

that may be,

too narrow,

a definition.

I think,

all of us,

myself included,

engage in warfare,

at times.

So,

here's three types,

that I've thought of.

I'm sure there are many more,

but for time's sake,

we'll just look at three.

The first kind,

of warfare,

I like to call,

the silent war,

or the cold war.

What I mean by this is,

on the surface,

everything kind of,

looks good.

You're being pleasant,

to each other.

You smile,

at each other.

You say the right thing,

to each other.

But underneath,

there's a seething indifference.

There's a bubbling volcano,

going on.

You may be in one room,

the other person's,

in the other room,

and your thoughts,

are going round,

and round,

and round,

and you're just imagining,

what you would like to say,

to the other person,

what you'd like to do,

to the other person,

if only you were,

bold enough,

to do it.

But then,

when you see each other,

it's like,

oh hi,

nice to see you.

But underneath,

there is tension.

There's maybe,

you try and keep the peace,

but you know,

there's a frosty relationship.

You're not going out of your way,

to love that person.

You're going out of that way,

your way to avoid that person.

That's the first kind of conflict,

silent,

cold war.

The second kind of conflict,

I like to think about,

is,

is what I call,

the hand grenade war.

Okay,

what I mean by this is,

you know,

things are going along okay,

and then suddenly,

you lob in,

a sarcastic comment,

a cynical remark,

and a cutting tone,

into,

into the situation.

It may be,

I suppose you expect me,

to do that,

do you?

Typical.

Have you seen,

what you've done to me?

And there you go.

Hand grenade.

But sometimes,

we don't do it directly,

sometimes we,

we kind of do a sneak attack,

we kind of do the attack,

by the back door.

We,

we do the,

let's turn to somebody else,

and tell them,

okay,

about this person.

So we,

we make the cynical remarks.

Have you seen,

what she did to me?

Do you know Chris,

you know how irresponsible,

he is?

He hasn't said,

a word,

a good word to me,

in 10 years.

And so,

we go to the other person,

but actually,

whew,

the hand grenade is going over.

That's the second kind of war.

The third kind of war,

I like to think about,

is what I call,

the all out war.

Okay,

the war has kind of,

escalated now,

to,

to new heights.

It's,

it's,

it's the trading insults,

it's the blame game,

it's the,

it's the cheap socks,

you're totally insensitive,

after all these years,

of what I've done for you,

and you've given me nothing.

Okay,

it's,

it's the slamming of the door,

it's the trying to undermine,

the person in front of others.

Do you know what I mean?

Now,

I'm sure none of you,

have ever engaged,

in any of those.

But you know,

I'm not a particularly,

hot tempered,

or angry guy,

but actually,

I've engaged,

in all of those things.

Sometimes quite regularly.

So,

why,

do we do this?

Here's the second point.

What causes,

arguments?

Why do we enter in these warfare,

these conflict situations?

I mean,

for example,

you take the Dayu Islands,

okay?

They're an insignificant,

little piece of rock,

out in the middle of an ocean,

which for a long period of time,

no one has bothered about.

But suddenly,

everyone's bothered about it.

People are on the verge of war,

about it.

Why?

Well,

if you look in James,

he kind of deals with this question.

Verse one.

What causes fights and quarrels among you?

Don't they come from your desires,

that battle within you?

You desire,

but you do not have,

so you kill.

You covet,

but you cannot get what you want,

so you quarrel and fight.

Why do we have arguments?

Well,

James says,

quite simply,

they come from desires within us.

Now,

this word desires,

is actually a word hedone,

where we get the word hedonistic from.

It actually really means pleasures.

Now,

and notice,

James doesn't say evil desires here.

He doesn't say evil desires.

In fact,

pleasure,

pleasure's not wrong,

okay?

In the Garden of Eden,

God gives trees,

which he says are pleasing to the eye,

and are good for food.

He says,

pleasure is good,

okay?

Pleasure is good.

So,

what's going on here?

Well,

it seems that,

it's not just the fact that they have a desire,

but their desire has become too strong.

maybe the people that he's talking to are wanting positions of influence.

Maybe they're wanting to be thought well of.

Maybe they're wanting to have a position where they can say and speak,

and everybody looks at them and says,

wow,

you're great,

aren't you?

But James says,

you covet,

you desire something,

but you can't get it.

That's why you're fighting.

So,

so all arguments,

all conflicts come down to this.

You want something,

but you can't get it.

You want something,

but you can't get it.

So you get angry.

So you get frustrated.

So you go into those wars.

Now,

that sounds nice and simple,

doesn't it?

Okay?

For example,

I want you to fold your clothes and put them in the drawer.

You didn't do it,

so I get angry at you,

and I shout until you put the clothes in the drawer.

Okay?

What do I want?

I want you to put the clothes in the drawer.

Okay?

That's the reason why we get angry.

But,

if I see,

if I see a pile of clothes like crumpled shirts on the floor,

I don't suddenly go into a steaming rage and think,

why are the clothes on the floor?

I probably don't even notice that the clothes are on the floor.

So why does one person get angry,

and another person doesn't?

It's because of our desires.

And maybe,

when it gets to the point of getting frustrated and getting angry,

it's no longer about the clothes.

It's actually about a deeper desire that I have.

Maybe it's a desire to be respected.

Maybe it's a desire for control.

I want you to do what I say,

and you didn't do what I say,

and so now it's out of control,

and now I've got to get angry.

It's about our desires.

But our desires have got too strong.

It's become,

rather than,

I want this,

it's,

I must have this.

I mean,

think of the Dayu Islands again.

What do they want?

What do people want there?

Do they just want the piece of rock?

Well,

I don't think that's the issue.

Maybe you say,

oh,

they want the resources.

Yeah,

but they could share out the resources.

What do they really want?

It's about power.

It's about control.

It's about reputation.

That's the real battle that's going on.

And you can see,

when our desires have become too strong,

when I start getting angry,

I start getting frustrated,

I start getting annoyed.

So the next thing that Job,

that James comes on to talk about,

he says,

you do not have,

this is verse two,

because you do not ask God.

When you do ask,

you don't receive,

because you ask with wrong motives.

What's James talking about here?

James is saying that actually,

the fruit of your relationships here,

is evidence,

of what's going on,

with your relationship with God.

So if there's conflict here,

it's an indication of something wrong,

with your relationship with God.

What he's saying is,

you're trying to get what you want,

in your own way.

And you're not even coming to God,

for what you want.

You want to get it your way,

in the way that you think you can have it.

And then even if you do come to pray to God,

it's still all about you.

It's still all about getting what you want,

just for yourself.

That's what he's saying,

is you're just relying on yourself.

That's why you're getting angry, guys.

That's why you're in conflict,

because it's all about you.

Now,

James then kind of,

kind of ramps it up a bit,

and then he says,

you adulterous people.

Now,

I don't think James is the kind of person,

I'd invite to a dinner party.

You know,

he'd mess the whole thing up.

He'd come in,

and like,

you're there with your parents,

and he's like,

you adulterous.

I mean,

it's not a great EQ.

Okay.

But,

but he's got,

he's got a point here,

which is he's saying,

God wants you for himself.

God wants you for himself.

He wants you to place all your desires,

whether it's power,

whether it's control,

whether it's reputation,

whether it's someone to listen to you,

whether it's getting the job you want.

He wants you to place all those things in his hands,

and to trust him with those things.

But what he's saying here is,

he's taking the language of adultery,

which is taken from the Old Testament,

where Israel will continually

follow other gods.

They were meant to be for God's eyes only.

They were meant to be in relationship with God,

to love him,

but instead they would go off

and follow all kinds of other idols.

And there's one particular story,

which illustrates this.

It's the story of Hosea.

In Hosea,

God tells this prophet Hosea

to take what is called an adulterous wife.

And he marries her,

and then no sooner are they married,

then she's going off with other guys.

As soon as there's another guy comes home,

she's off wandering off with him.

She even has children with them.

But then Hosea keeps bringing her back,

forgiving her,

welcoming her back in the home.

And then she goes off again,

and Hosea,

God calls Hosea to bring her back again.

And Hosea is continually faithful,

and she is continually unfaithful.

And James is actually saying to the people here,

you're just like Israel was.

You're just like that wife was.

You're going off with all kinds of other desires.

You're wanting to have your desires in other places

rather than in me.

Now, I'm going to get married in July,

and imagine during the vows,

you know, they say,

oh, do you take Fiona to be your wife?

And I say, yes, I do.

But just over at the back,

there's Jackie,

and I've got her on Tuesday night.

And then there's Sylvie,

and she's Wednesday night.

And oh, yeah.

And now Agatha's at home now with me.

Now, what are you going to be thinking?

What kind of a husband am I?

But James is saying,

that's what you're doing.

When you're going into conflict,

that's what you're doing.

And what are the warning signs of the spiritual adultery?

The warning signs are when you're getting frustrated,

when you're getting angry,

when you're getting irritated with someone

and impatient with someone,

that's the flashing red light.

That's the signal to you,

spiritual adultery alert.

That's the overactive desire alert.

That's I want something more than God alert.

Yeah?

Because what does God want?

In verse 17 of chapter 3,

it says,

God wants you to be peace-loving,

considerate,

submissive.

Submissive means not insisting on having your own way.

full of mercy,

good fruit,

impartial,

and sincere.

And yet,

when we're getting angry and frustrated,

we're saying,

I want what I want.

I want something else other than what you want, God.

Now,

for me,

this sometimes works out when,

I don't know,

I'm walking along the road,

and I'm in a hurry.

Okay?

I've got to get somewhere.

And then right in front of me

is the guy who's obviously training

for the world record in slow walking.

And,

and,

and I'm there behind him,

and I'm starting to do this little dance,

trying to get past him.

But,

but he's,

he's obviously a racing driver,

because every time I try to overtake him on the inside,

he cuts me off,

and then so I weave the other way,

and then he cuts me off the other way,

and we're doing this little waltz for about 20 seconds,

until finally I see the opening,

and I can get past him.

And there,

my blood has been beginning to boil,

and I'm muttering to myself,

oh,

that guy needs to be locked up.

Now,

I'm sure none of you are like that.

But,

but,

but what's going on there?

What's going on inside my heart there?

What do I want?

That's the question you need to ask yourself.

What do I want?

Because what I want is,

I want to get on.

I want to get on with my life.

I want to rule my world at this moment,

and you're getting in the way of my world,

and so,

so I've got a right to get angry now,

because you're in the way of what I need to do.

You see,

it's actually become all about me,

all about me actually wanting to be the God of my world.

And James says,

you adulterous people,

don't you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God?

Therefore,

anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

That's verse four.

Well,

what does he mean by that?

Well,

the world is society,

which is basically just saying,

get what you want for yourself.

Do what you want for yourself.

It's all about you,

actually.

Follow your desires.

Fulfill yourself first.

Put yourself first.

That's what the world is saying,

and James is saying,

when you're doing that,

when it's all becoming about you,

when you're frustrated and angry,

and you're entering into the silent war,

the hand grenade war,

the all-out war,

when you're doing that,

what you're doing is you're just being like everybody else.

You're no different from anybody else.

And actually,

when you're beginning to get at war with the other person,

you're actually at war with God.

That's intense.

When you're in conflict with someone,

maybe it's all hidden,

like me with the guy in front.

When you're doing that,

you're actually engaging in warfare against God.

And so,

conflict is first and foremost

between you and God.

The fruit of that is then seen

in your relationships with each other.

Because a desire has grown too strong.

You want something

more than you want to please God

and honor Him and obey Him.

So,

we've looked at the three ways of conflict.

We've looked at

what causes conflict.

And I just want to think about

how do we deal with conflict.

There's lots of things we could say.

We can only say it briefly.

But,

chapter 6,

verse 6,

if I can find my sheet.

Verse 6 to 10

says this.

But He gives us more grace.

That is why Scripture says

God opposes the proud

but shows favor to the humble.

But,

submit yourselves then to God.

Resist the devil

and he will flee from you.

Come near to God

and He will come near to you.

Wash your hands,

you sinners,

and purify your hearts,

you double-minded.

Grieve,

mourn,

and wail.

Change your laughter to mourning

and your joy to gloom.

Humble yourselves before the Lord

and He will lift you up.

James says,

there are two ways

to deal with conflict.

The first is humility.

The second is grace.

The first is humility.

The second is grace.

Why do conflicts

not get resolved?

Why do we stay

in those states of tension?

There's always one reason.

Pride.

Pride is always the reason

why conflicts don't get resolved.

What does pride look like?

Pride looks like

when you can see

everybody else's fault.

I can see the guy

who's being slow

and annoying in front of me.

I can see everybody else's fault

but I can't see my own.

I can see everybody else's fault

but I can't see my own.

Pride is when

I make excuses for my sin

because I focus on the other person.

I feel justified in getting angry

because look what they did to me.

Look how they treated me.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

I know what you're saying.

I know I should be kind to them

but don't you know

how they've hurt me?

Don't you know

what they said to me yesterday?

That's what we do

and Jesus says

you know that famous passage

in Matthew 7

where he talks about

do not judge

and he talks about the speck

taking the speck

in the other person's eye

from the plank in your own.

You know that?

Well,

what Jesus says

and we sometimes get this confused

he tells you

to take the speck

out of the other person's eye.

Some people

look at verses in James

where it says

who are you to judge your neighbor

and we think

okay,

therefore I can never say

anything to anybody

to correct their behavior

and James says

no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's not what it's about.

First of all,

what do you have to do?

First of all,

there's a plank in your own eye.

Stop looking at the other person's sin first.

Look at your own heart.

Look at

what do I want?

Where is my desire

too strong here?

Where am I wanting something

more than I want God?

Am I wanting

the desire

for a clean bathroom

more than God?

Am I wanting

the desire

for him

to just shut the cupboards

one time

more than God?

Now,

those are good desires.

They're not wrong desires.

But maybe

if they've led you

to frustration

and anger

and nagging

and blaming,

it's become too strong.

It's become stronger

than your desire for God.

And what

Jesus says

is first

humble yourself.

What does that mean?

It means

ask yourself

those questions.

What do I want?

What do I want?

What's the desire

that has grown stronger

than my desire

for God?

And he says,

submit yourself.

Lay down your desires.

They could be

good desires.

I want her

to treat me well.

I want her

to give me respect.

That's okay.

But if you're

getting frustrated,

you can actually

deal with those things

calmly,

submissively,

considerately.

But if we're getting

angry at those things,

it's because

my desires

are too strong.

I need to come

and repent

before God

and say,

God,

forgive me.

I need to lay

those desires,

submit those desires

to God

and say,

God,

I really want

him just to

spend some time

with me.

I really want

her to respect me.

But

I want

you

more.

And I know

that you

honor me.

I know that you

will provide my needs.

I know that I can

trust you

to do these things.

So I lay

these things

at your feet.

When we do that,

then we're in a place

where we know

that we're an adulterer,

yet we receive

God's forgiveness.

And then we can go

and take the speck

out of the other person's eye.

Then we can talk

about the issues

calmly,

respectfully,

gently.

That doesn't necessarily

mean the other person

will always respond

the way you want them to.

But

it does mean

that you can respond

to them with grace.

And God can work.

You're trusting God

to work in their heart

without having to nag them,

without having to manipulate them,

without having to blame them,

without having to try

and control them

by your anger

or all those other things.

So the first thing,

humility.

The second thing

is grace.

it says,

God gives grace

to the humble.

You see,

if you've done that first,

if you realize

where your fault is,

where you have put

something above God,

then he says,

he will give you the grace

to cope with any

and every difficult situation.

Conflict is painful.

Conflict is difficult.

It's not easy.

But God says,

if you trust me,

if you give me your desires,

I will give you grace

to cope with it.

And it's not just that.

Where do we understand

that grace?

Well, do you remember

that story of Hosea?

Remember that story of Hosea

where Hosea was

completely faithful,

completely faithful,

while his wife

was completely adulterous,

yet Hosea kept

on loving her,

forgiving her,

working her back.

That's what God

does with us.

Though we are

spiritual adulterers

and adulteresses,

every time

we get angry,

frustrated,

irritated,

there's your adultery alert.

But actually,

we come back to God

and his grace

covers over our sin.

And the place

where we see this

lived out

most incredibly

is at the cross.

At the cross,

the one whose desire

was not more than

his desire for God,

actually came into

conflict with God,

where God turned

his back on Jesus,

so that we

who were in

conflict with God

and conflict

with each other

could have

restored relationship

with God,

could know grace

of God,

so that we can

actually know

restored relationships

with each other.

When you realize

how amazing

God's grace

towards you is,

though you and I

are a spiritual

adulterers,

how can I keep

bitter and angry

with my husband,

with my wife,

with my colleague,

with my community

group member?

That's the starting

point where we can

really begin to deal

with conflict.

Because at that point,

conflict can then

be redemptive.

It can grow and

deepen your relationships

with one another.

It can bring

a love

which knows

that each other

are broken

and you're at fault.

Let's not have

illusions.

We are sinful,

broken people,

but we can know

the grace

of an amazingly

gracious God.

So here's

two challenges.

If you are not

a Christian,

the challenge

for you is this.

Until you

submit

to God,

God,

you will not

have all the

resources you

need to deal

with all the

conflicts that you

will face in your

life.

Because there

will always be

people who

hurt us

and who

cause us

pain,

and unless you

know the grace

of a loving God,

you will not be

able to show

grace and

forgiveness

and mercy

to those people

who really hurt

you.

So the

call for you

is submit

yourselves to

God,

because it

can be the

start of

freedom in

your relationship,

the end to

some of those

wars you've

been engaged

in.

If you are

a Christian,

here's the

challenge.

Where are you

engaged in

conflict at the

moment?

Where are you

engaged in

silent wars?

Where are you

engaged in

hand grenade

wars?

Where are you

engaged in

all-out wars?

The first

thing, rather

than just

always saying,

well, it's

all about

them, they've

done it, and

they may well

have hurt you,

they may well

be totally in

the wrong,

but first,

humble yourself

and ask God,

what do I

want?

Is there a

desire that

has got too

strong?

And just

submit it to

God.

Receive his

forgiveness and

grace towards

you.

don't go

around talking

to everybody

else about

the sin of

that person.

That's what

James tells

you in

verse 11.

Go to the

person, talk

to them, but

with grace

realizing that

you are a

broken sinner.

And if you

know that there

are people you

really struggle

with, I've

many times

kind of tried

to forgive

people, but

it's only when

I actually

start praying

for them.

It's only

when I

actually start

thanking God

for the

people who

I really

struggle with

that God

actually begins

to bring

healing into

my life.

So there's a

challenge.

Think for

yourself.

Where are you

in conflict?

Don't be

soft on your

own sin and

just hard on

the other

person's sin.

Where are you

in conflict?

Come, humble

yourself, submit

your desires to

God.

And it says he

will lift you

up.

He will give

you grace.

He will restore.

He will do

the work.

Begin to thank

God for the

people.

Even if you

think there's

nothing to thank

God for them,

realize, thank

God for the

way he sees

them.

Thank God for

the way he

shows grace to

them.

And maybe,

and here's the

toughie, go and

speak to the

person and

tell them the

things you are

thankful to God

for them for.

Wow.

You need grace

to do that.

That's

supernatural.

But it says

in verse 17

of chapter 3,

the wisdom

that comes from

heaven is first

of all pure,

then peace

loving,

considerate,

submissive,

full of mercy

and good fruit,

impartial and

sincere,

peacemakers who

sow in peace,

reap a harvest

of righteousness.

Isn't that

amazing?

If you start to

do this, you can

reap a harvest

of righteousness.

Some of you may

be involved in

really difficult

conflicts.

And if you are,

we have,

if you could just

put the slide

on.

We have some

people that you

can contact.

It's confidential.

You can talk to

them and work

through some of

the issues that

you may be

dealing with in

your marriages,

in your families,

in all these

things.

Here's an email,

and there are

trained counselors

who can talk you

through and work

you through some

of the issues.

But don't let

conflict continue

because God

wants to work

through conflict

to bring you

into a harvest

of righteousness.

Let's pray.

Father, as we

think about this

difficult topic

of conflict,

we realize,

Lord, that I

realize that so

often I have been

justifying myself,

defending myself,

putting the blame

on everybody else,

Lord, and not

examining my own

heart, and ask

you to forgive me.

I'll just give you

a minute now to

think, where are

there areas of

conflict in your

life?

And just humble

yourself now.

Ask yourself those

questions.

What do I want?

Is there anything

that's grown stronger

than my desire for

God?

And just repent.

Father, thank you

for your grace.

Thank you that it

is through your

grace that we can

actually live

restored relationships,

that we can

actually live in

freedom in the

midst of a broken

and sinful world.

Thank you that you

desire to bring us

into right relationship

with you, right

relationship with

each other.

Please let our

church be marked

with people who

can deal with

conflict well, who

can love people

well, who can speak

the truth well, and

that we grow together

to love you more.

In your name.

Amen.

Please be seated

for one minute,

please.

Thanks so much,

Chris, for bringing

God's word in a very

timely manner.

Hey, we have

something that we

want to share with

you guys, and so I

just encourage your

patience with this.

I need you to

listen.

I really need you to

listen on these

things.

I want to invite the

other elders to come

up, and we have

something we want to

share with you.

We have been

struggling with this

for like years, and

so when we started

the church, we wanted

to be a church that

was a family, right?

So we wanted to be a

family, do things as

a family, and realize

that there's some

people here that

you're like, wow, I've

never been to this

church, and what's

going on up there?

But the goal was that

we always ask, we

talk, we involve

things with each

other, and we ask

questions.

So sometimes at the

end of the sermons, we

talk, and we ask

questions at the end

of the sermons, and we

want to just be as a

family.

And so sometimes in the

family, you have

conflict, as Chris was

talking about today.

And so we want to share

some things that have

been on our heart, and

ask you to pray for

these things, and hear

our heart.

But I'm going to start

with having Franklin

pray for us.

Let's bow our hand and

pray.

Heavenly Father, you have

taught us in Genesis 2.18

that it is not good for the

man to be alone.

Therefore, you have

established different

communities for us,

marriage, family, and

church.

You have prepared these

communities for us so

that we do not have to

walk life's journey

alone.

Thank you for surrounding

us with loving brothers

and sisters, to cheer us

when we're down, to lift

us when we fall, to love

us when we're hurt, and to

point us in the right

direction when we have

lost our way, and correct

us when we have failed.

Then in James 5.16, you

have taught us to confess

our sins to each other,

and pray for each other,

so that we may be healed.

Lord Jesus Christ, now we

come before you as one

body and of one mind.

Holy Spirit, guard our

hearts and direct our

thoughts as we present to

you matters in our

community and our family.

We pray all this in Jesus'

name.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

So one of the things we've

been praying about as we go

on this journey as a church

is we said that we want to

be a church that teaches all

of God's word, and not just

the fun, sexy things.

And so we've been really

faithful to expound the word

of the Lord and talk about

things like hell and sin and

grace and mercy and what that

looks like in our life.

And amidst all of it, as we

look at James and other

passages, we've talked about

that we want God's word to be

a mirror to us.

That we don't want to look at

other people or what society

says and says, how are we

doing?

Are we doing well?

But we want God's word to be

the reflection of that,

especially as God's family.

And so as we desire to preach

and teach all of God's word

and counsel so everyone knows

what it means to walk with

the Lord.

So some of you in here, you're

really early on your journey

and some of you aren't on a

journey yet, but you're

learning what it means to be

a part of the family of God.

And so our prayer is that this

would be an instructive time.

But as we look at going on

this journey, as Chris talked

about, sometimes in the church

family, we have tension and we

have things that don't work

right and we have conflict that

happens.

And the scripture is really clear

about what we do with this

conflict.

Actually, the New Testament talks

about it quite a bit.

There's about seven different

passages that talk about what

do you do if you're in conflict

or brothers are sinning against

each other and how do you handle

that as a church and how do we

rejoice in that?

And again, the whole purpose of

all of this is to bring

restoration.

The purpose of the family is to

bring people into the family and

to bring healing into the family

and health into the family.

And it's not to kick members or

kick your family members away,

but it's to heal them and show

them and love them.

And sometimes that's, and you

know that as you raise kids,

sometimes that's incredibly

difficult and hard in

relationships and you don't know

what to do or how to do it.

And sometimes you wait longer

than you should and sometimes

you do it too quickly.

But amidst all of that, we're

trusting the Lord to give us

mercy and grace.

One of the passages that sticks

up often and we use it as

elders, so us three are elders

here, is the passage in

Matthew 18.

And it says really clearly that

if your brother sins against

you, go and tell him his fault

between you and him alone.

So it's just the two of those

people in that conflict.

If he listens to you, you've

gained your brother.

But if he doesn't listen to you,

take one or two others along

with you that every charge may

be established by the evidence

of two or three witnesses.

This goes back to the Old

Testament.

It's the idea that prophets

were not really prophets until

they were validified or before

they were affirmed by at least

two other witnesses.

And so that was always this

idea that you bring other

people in there.

If he doesn't listen to you in

verse 16, take one or two

other witnesses along with you

and if every charge may be

established by the evidence of

two or three witnesses.

If he refuses, verse 17, to

listen to you then, tell it to

the church.

And if he refuses to listen

even to the church, let him be

to you as a Gentile and a tax

collector.

So we want to just talk really

briefly about this idea of

church discipline.

And it's important, again, to

remember that discipline is

always done with the idea of

restoring each other.

It's not the idea of punishing,

but it's the idea of bringing

people back.

And so we've been praying about

this as we look at Scripture.

And the Bible makes it really

clear that we practice church

discipline for the good of the

person who's in trouble.

We practice church discipline

for the good of non-Christians

because it says the world is

looking at us as a church and

trying to see are we consistent?

Are our words true?

Are we hypocrites?

Or are we truthful?

And that we practice church

discipline ultimately and above

all for the glory of Christ.

That the idea is that it's about

Christ's name and making his name

great.

And as leaders and parents,

sometimes we find it really hard

to do this because we like to be

liked and we don't want to be

seen as not liked.

And, you know, I think even in

church as a pastor, we struggle

with, I use this word often, we

want to be sexy.

We want to be fun.

And we want to be, everybody

loves us.

And it's the place where

everybody loves and everybody's

loved and everybody comes

together.

And sometimes when we do that,

we create a God that's so small

that we can control him.

He's so small.

Scripture says God is massive.

You know, to take away one thing,

then we take away who God is.

And so as we prayed about what

we're going to do, along the

lines of just coming and sharing

these things with you, we

struggle with should we not even

share anything?

And as we look at scripture, it

says, what does it stand for us to

lose as a church if we don't help

each other?

One of the things it says is we

stand to lose the blessing and

favor of God.

But God has called us as a church

to act certain ways.

And if we don't do that, scripture

is really clear that God will

remove his blessing from us.

That's a huge mandate even for

fathers.

Fathers are called to act a

certain way.

And if we don't, scripture says

that God will remove the blessing

that he stores for us as dads

over all of our family.

And so if we don't discipline, if

we don't talk about everything in

scripture, then we lose God's

blessing and favor.

The second thing we lose is we

lose just fallen members, the

people who are in sin.

Because more often than not, what

I've seen is if we don't talk

about sin, if we don't deal with

sin, people continue to walk in

sin, and eventually they just give

up and walk away.

Because no one cares about me.

No one wants to say the hard

things.

No one loves me enough to come

alongside of me.

I think we lose faithful members

in the church if we don't talk

about everything.

Because there's some of us who

really desire to walk with the

Lord and please him in all areas

of life, even in our fallenness

and our brokenness.

And if we're not a member of a

body that has that in their DNA,

but we just turn our backs, then

the faithful people, you don't want

to be a part of a family that isn't

a family.

You don't want to be a part of a

family that's just a club.

And so sometimes we lose faithful

people if we don't talk about

everything.

Sometimes we can lose our witness

before the world watching us.

If you're like me and I share and I

talk to people often in my world,

one of the biggest reasons most of

my friends say I don't want anything

to do with Christianity is because

everybody's a hypocrite and everybody

lives inconsistently.

And they say one thing but they do

the other thing and that's also true

with the church.

And again, we're all broken, we're all

sinful, we're all fallen.

But we don't want to be known as

people who don't walk consistently and

struggle in our walk with the Lord.

Because if we don't do that, then we

have nothing to say to our friends,

especially in their time of need.

And finally, what I think we lose if

we don't bring in discipline, we

don't talk about hard things, we lose

just our authority to speak God's

word.

And if I were doing a sin over and

over and over again, I would have no

authority to come up here and preach

to you on those things.

That if I lived a lifestyle that was

contrary to what I'm preaching, I've

lost God's blessing and authority.

Because so much, it's not just my

words that I say, my words I, but it's

God's spirit speaking through those

words.

And if we don't teach everything, then

we've lost an authority to speak

anything.

All right.

All right.