Marriage and Singleness: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Okay, so I want to start this story today because we're in this book of Corinthians.

And I'm going to do it in a way that's going to seem random, probably more random than what I normally do.

But hopefully it will make sense as we go on.

If it doesn't, then just forgive me.

What I want to do is I want to start off with a story in Scripture.

And then I want to ask us some questions.

And then we're going to get to the Scripture for today, which is an awesome passage and a fun passage.

The Scripture today, the story I want to share is in Luke 10.

So Jesus was going through the villages of Capernaum and Judea, and he was teaching.

And we're told in Luke 10 that this lawyer came up to him to cause some trouble.

And in Greek, actually, it says the lawyer came up, and he wanted to test Jesus to show flaws.

And so he wanted to ask Jesus some questions.

And so he asked Jesus this question.

He says, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

Basically, what he's asking Jesus is, okay, how can I make God happy with me?

And what does God expect from me that I'll make him happy?

And Jesus answered him and says, well, what does it say in the Torah, God's Word?

And the lawyer, without exception, he just said it right off.

He said, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.

And you shall love your neighbor as yourself.

And Jesus looked at him and said, you're right.

Now go do that.

So a question I have for us to begin our time off is, what if everything you knew about singleness and about love and about sex and about marriage,

what if everything you knew was disordered?

What if everything you knew and you thought you knew about these topics was fractured?

What if it was corrupted?

I mean, I'm not talking like 100% corruption, but what if at the core of what we thought we knew about marriage and sex and singleness and dating,

what if at its foundation we were just, we weren't very good?

What would you do?

Maybe an easier way, I think sometimes, because I ask this question, maybe an easier way to ask it would be,

or a different way would be, what if within your profession right now, your job, what you're doing in your job,

everything you're doing in your job, what if you found out that within your job, in your profession,

that everything you knew or you thought you knew was disordered or fractured or broken?

What if you, and not like 100% broken, but let's just say what you're doing right now as a doctor or a lawyer

or whatever you're doing in your world teaching, what if only 75% of what you knew was correct?

And there was a 25% part that was corrupted and broken,

and you knew that if you continued on the path in your job and in your profession,

you knew that if you continued doing the things the way that you did,

that you would eventually hurt a lot of people.

And not just for your generation, but you would hurt a lot of people for future generations.

And that you would eventually hurt yourself.

What would you do?

How would you function?

The Corinthian church was in this situation.

I mean, we've been going through this book of 1 Corinthians,

and we've been doing 5 and 6 and 7,

and they're like these hot potatoes that were bouncing around,

and they are just intense,

and it's so comforting to be able to come back to God's Word

and say, this is what God says,

and say, this is what Tobin says,

because Tobin's a mess.

But I was talking to a local pastor this week,

and we were talking about these things,

and he surprised me.

He said, you know, I've been listening to the sermons of Watermark,

because I wanted to hear what you guys are going to do about 1 Corinthians,

and I wanted to hear that.

I said, oh, really?

And he goes, yeah, this idea of accountability and community

and how it works together,

and we're all in the same boat.

And he said, you know,

if I preached that sermon in my church,

people would leave.

It would be too intense.

It would be too personal,

and people would feel like I was being too,

just in their life,

and they would leave.

And so I wanted to share that,

because I don't want you to leave, okay?

I don't want you to leave, you know?

But there's just something about this,

as God's word offends us.

And if I offend you, that's a different story.

You come up, and you can just punch me.

But if God's word offends us,

then we have to ask ourselves,

why does God's word offend us?

I mean, because God's word is meant to challenge us

and to rebuke us and to exhort us and to heal us,

and it's meant to show us as we come to God's word

that we're worshiping God, the creator of the universe,

that Jesus is the hero of the story and not Tobin.

But God is at the center of everything and not Tobin.

And what we see in this whole book of God's word

and in these stories is that God wants to have

an intimate relationship with you.

Did you know that?

God wants to have an intimate relationship with you.

And most people don't get that.

Most people don't understand that.

When we think of intimate, we think of, like last week,

we think of sex, and we think of things like that.

But, you know, the Bible says that the most intimate thing

that you're ever going to do,

the most intimate experience that you're ever going to have

is when you come face to face with your creator in heaven.

It's going to be better than sex.

It's going to be perfect.

You and God and Christ married,

and you're going to be perfect and holy and complete.

And so last week I was in a bookstore,

and literally I was walking down the bookstore,

and this girl had this on the back of her shirt.

So I took a picture.

God is better than sex.

Now, I didn't, I was, it's like one of those awkward moments,

you know, she has this long hair kind of dream,

you know, floating back on her back,

and I see it, I catch it on my eye,

and I'm like, oh, wow, I got to take a picture of that

because that's what we were talking about last week.

But I have my camera behind her, you know,

and she's looking at the books,

and I feel kind of like I'm a predator or something, right?

So I almost tried to touch her hair

and kind of move it off because it was kind of,

and I said, hey, I'm so sorry, I know this is so weird,

I'm not a freak, I have, I'm married, I have kids,

but can I get a picture of your shirt?

And I looked at that, and I thought about that,

and I said, wow, that's pretty interesting, you know,

because that's what we're talking about, right?

I don't know if she believes it or not,

I don't know where she got it.

I thought we'd just get everybody,

get a watermark shirt like that, front and back.

God is better than sex, and we just,

everybody in the church, if you remember,

you have to wear it for one week, right,

or something like that, I don't know.

But, you know, we saw last week

that the church was struggling with sex.

Not watermark, but the church of Corinthians,

it was struggling with sex,

and there was prostitutes everywhere,

and people were having sex,

and we are told by historians

that the closest you could get to God

was by having sex with a prostitute in the temple.

That was the most religious experience

that you could have,

and we talked last week about Genesis

and how God actually made sex

and intimacy and relationships,

and nowadays people say Christians are down on those things,

but in reality, when Paul speaks and Jesus speaks,

he's actually elevating these things

to levels that are much greater

than the world understands,

and we looked in the Hebrew

when it says to know, yada, to know your spouse,

it means not just a physical sexual intimacy,

but it means a meshing of your life and of your soul.

It means you're mentally and you're socially

and you're physically and you're economically.

It means all of your life is together

with your partner, husband and wife in marriage.

Sex, you know, relationship is just there.

It's just your soul is bound to that person,

and that's why God takes sexual immorality

so hard and massively.

He's disappointed with it

because it's not just having sex with another person,

but what you're doing is you're destroying your soul,

and your soul is made in the image of God,

and so we talked about that last week,

and we talked about how this idea of this sin,

and this sin comes into us,

and it started at the garden,

and it invades our DNA,

and it's in everything that we do,

and it tempts us,

and it longs, and it draws us,

and it disorders everything in our life

and how we think,

and the Corinthian church was just falling apart

because everything in their lives was disordered.

They didn't understand sex.

They didn't understand marriage.

They didn't understand dating.

They didn't understand singleness,

and instead of going to God's word,

they were looking in the government and society,

and they were saying,

what does the government say about this,

and what can we do these things,

and they were just getting even more disordered

like a lot of us do.

They went to Oprah like a lot of us do.

I don't know what the big thing is today,

but my day was Dr. Phil and Oprah,

and those are how you learned

what sex and relationships were all about,

but Paul says there's something different,

and that's what God has to teach us,

and today, he's talking to this group of,

so last week,

he's talking to this group of people

who were sex-crazed.

Everything they did was sex,

sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.

They would disagree with that shirt

that God is better than sex,

and this week, he's talking about

this other group of people

who basically say no sex,

so I don't know how he's a pastor in this church

because I'm a pastor,

and I think watermark is 300 or 400.

Depends on how many people come on a Sunday,

but Corinthian church was only like 150 people,

at least as far as I can figure out at this time,

and they had all these massive divisions

of sex and no sex and slaves,

and it seemed like it was just a mess,

and so this group comes in on chapter seven,

and they're saying no sex.

Sex is bad.

Sex is carnal.

The spirit is what you want to look at,

and what you see in the church

is it just disturbs everybody.

It disturbs the singles and the marrieds

and the divorces and the widows,

and everybody's just freaking out,

and all of a sudden in verse one,

they say this statement,

and it's not what Paul says.

It's what they said.

It's good for a man not to touch a woman.

It's basically saying that it's good for a man

not to have sex with a woman, ever,

not even in marriage,

and they think when they write this to Paul

because Paul's reading their letter,

and he's writing down a response,

which again, I don't understand how he does it

because I get in trouble

when I respond to somebody's email,

and I don't say one word correctly,

but Paul is talking about these massive issues,

and he's just responding to people about these things,

and they think that he's going to be happy

because he's single, and he's celibate,

and he's intense,

but he's actually disappointed,

and the amazing thing to me about this passage,

again, like last week,

that Paul doesn't come in and just slam them

and then beat them up,

but he kind of just gently and carefully

and lovingly and compassionately

nurtures them and talks to them

about what's going on,

and he allows the gospel to come into our lives,

and it reorders our disorderedness,

and so Paul does that,

and he starts to talk today

about the singles and sex and marriage,

and you know, to be honest with you,

when you look at chapter seven,

you've got to realize something, guys.

People are coming to faith out of a society

which is probably the most immoral

and out-of-control society in the world,

and these people were coming to faith,

and they were asking questions

just like the rich young ruler.

They're asking questions like,

how can I make God happy?

What does God want out of me?

How can I really serve the Lord?

What do I need to do to change my lifestyle

and to honor God and please him?

I mean, these are all,

they're all great questions.

Maybe they're all questions

that we should be asking,

but the assumption behind

every one of these people's questions

is that wherever they are,

wherever they were at their stage of life,

whether they were single or married or divorced

or whatever kind of lifestyle they were living,

whether they were free man or slave or poor

or circumcised or uncircumcised or a teacher

or a managing director or a student

or a pilot or a housewife,

whatever they were living now,

they just assumed that they weren't doing the right thing.

They just assumed that wherever they were,

that that's not where God wanted them.

They thought that there was something better for them,

more blessings, more great things.

And so they were looking for the next big thing.

They were looking for a total blessing.

They were looking for true happiness.

They were looking for a lot of wealth.

They were looking for health.

They were looking for victory and all these things.

And what you see throughout this church

is that no one was content.

No one was happy with where God had them.

No one understood contentment.

They didn't understand what that meant.

And so Paul is lovingly in chapter seven

going to address these issues again

to all these group of people.

And I want to just briefly,

in the time that we have,

just talk about these things.

And I want to look at what he says to singles.

And I want to look at what he says to marrieds.

And I want to look at how we change.

What is it we're to do?

How do we have the power to change?

So what does he say to singles?

What does he say to married people?

And then how do we have the power to change?

So first, the singles.

So for those of you who are in singles,

this is what Paul's saying.

I was a single for 35 years of my life

before trouble walked in the door.

That's what he says.

Verse 28, you're going to have trouble, right?

So I'm hoping that trouble doesn't come walking in here now

as I'm teaching on these things.

But so I was a single.

And this is what Paul says.

He's talking about these issues of man not touching a woman.

And this idea of no sex turns into this huge discussion about celibacy.

And what does it mean to honor and serve the Lord?

And Paul, it's just amazing because in verses 7, 8, and 9,

he takes that question and he kind of redirects the energy

into single people's lives.

And now Paul was single when he wrote this.

Now, I don't know if Paul was ever married.

It seems like there's a pretty good chance that he was married.

Because if he was a rabbi, if he was a rabbi of rabbis,

if he was a Pharisee, you had to be married.

And so we don't know what happened to Paul's wife.

Maybe because Paul was on the track to become the man, right?

He was going to be the man in Judaism.

And so maybe when he came to faith and he gave all that up

and he just started following a bunch of crazy men in the desert,

his wife just said, I'm out of here.

This isn't what I signed on for.

Or maybe she died.

We don't know.

But what we know now is that Paul is single.

And as he talks to the singles in his church,

what he does is he does something that was never done

in the history of the world before.

And what he does is he basically validates singleness.

He takes a single person who before,

from every culture in the world, is kind of smashed down.

And what he does is he lists the benefits for staying single.

I mean, he says to every one of them,

I wish that you could be like I was.

Now, when we read this, and you and I read this,

we go, you know, what's the big deal?

But in his day, it was a massive deal

because no one ever talked about that.

No one ever talked like that.

I mean, if you took out a questionnaire for going into a country

or whatever they did back then,

there was never a box, click off, or singleness.

The only person who clicked off for singleness was a prostitute

because singleness was not valued in any culture

because in every culture up until this time,

you had to have a family.

You had to have a heritage.

You had to put down your land.

You had to be able to pass things off to people.

And so when he talks about this idea

that there's a different family,

that there's a spiritual family that we're responsible for,

and that this spiritual family actually has a trump card

over a physical, biological family,

when Paul says these things, everybody is in shock.

No one would ever have heard that before,

but he says it.

He says, you know, there are these incredible values

and things of being single,

and one of these things is that you have this spiritual family

around you, and you have this ability

to spend time with them.

Now, if you were to ask me,

and I'm being very honest here,

so please, no recording.

You could tell Christina and I talked to her before,

but as you've asked me as a single for 35 years,

and you say, Tobin, what's the benefits for being single?

I would say things like,

well, I get to do whatever I want to do.

I get to use my money the way I want.

I can buy a watch whenever I want.

I don't have to ask anybody.

No one has demands on my life.

I don't have kids asking me.

When I'm working on something,

they don't come in and bother me.

I mean, you know, that's, I just want to read.

I want to be able to have two minutes

in the toilet by myself

without a kid opening the door and saying,

hey, Dad, what are you doing?

I don't know.

I'm just kind of sitting on a toilet, right?

My clothes off.

But, you know, so as a single, I could do that.

I didn't have to worry about my money.

I didn't have to worry about my,

I had more energy.

I had less demands.

I had more ability to be intimate with people

if I wanted to.

My options were open.

I didn't have to make decisions and plan them out.

And so when I looked at my life as a single,

I was just self-focused.

The focus is on Tobin and who I am

and what I want and what I need.

And the focus was all on me.

I don't know if you're like that as a single in here.

But I was.

But in verse 32 and 33,

what Paul says is that's not the benefit of being single.

The benefit of being single

is that you have a greater freedom to serve the Lord.

And you have a greater freedom to serve this thing

called this spiritual family around you.

You have less things to occupy your thoughts

and your desires.

You have this freedom to think about other people.

And so when Paul talks about the values of singleness,

it's other-focused.

He's saying if you're married,

you have obligations to your spouse.

But if you're single,

you don't have obligations to your spouse or your kids.

And you just have a lot of free time.

Do we?

I mean, in verses 6 through 9,

he says that Paul actually comes in and he says,

hey, if it's a single person,

you're actually less distracted.

You're less preoccupied about yourself.

You're able to focus on serving people

and serving God's kingdom.

And as you serve people

and serve God's kingdom and this freedom,

you actually honor the Lord.

Serving others is what God has called us to.

And so in this passage,

and I want you to go back to it tonight

because Paul takes singleness

and he just lifts it up here.

I mean, he lifted it up to women last week.

He lifted up sex last week.

And this week he just says,

if you're single,

you're no longer a second-class citizen.

You're no longer not a citizen.

You're a first-class citizen in God's kingdom.

Now, no one ever heard that before, guys.

I never heard that as a single.

Actually, you know,

just a little secret for you guys

is that, you know,

in heaven,

there's not gonna be any marriage.

So that thing that singles

were so anxious in and were pursuing,

it's just for 20 or 30 years

and then eternity without marriage.

Don't tell anybody this,

but you know,

in heaven,

there's not gonna be any sex.

Now, a lot of people freak out

when they hear that,

but what he says is

that when we get to heaven

that we're gonna be married to God

and that our souls

will be meshed so intimately with him

that whatever we experience,

we're gonna have all over our body,

God is better than sex

because that's gonna be true.

So I didn't understand this as a single.

Then one day as a single Christian,

I was in church

and an older guy grabbed me

and pulled me to the side.

I will never forget the day

that this happened

because I was kind of one of those singles

where I showed up for certain things,

I did other things

and I was okay kind of with my commitments,

but sometimes I wasn't really okay

with my commitments

and I found something better to do,

I would do it.

And this guy basically

just kind of laid into me

and he said,

Tobin, you have to be

one of the most self-focused,

selfish,

self-centered people

I know.

And I was like,

whoa,

I don't know if I'll come back here next week.

And then he reminded me

that I'm part of this spiritual family

and he reminded me

that God has something for me to do

in this spiritual family

and he's told me

that as long as I am a single

in this family

that I could have

this incredible heritage

with the people in the church.

You know,

I never heard that before.

This guy who I really respected

told me that I could be

more of a father

to some of the children

than their parents are.

because often

they're neglected

by their parents.

And just a high,

how are you doing

in leading a Sunday school

might change a kid's life.

He told me

that I could be

more of a friend

to most of the marrieds

and singles

in the church

because most people

didn't have many friends

and they were afraid

of sharing things

in their heart.

And he basically

just chewed out my butt.

But afterwards,

I was so thankful

that someone loved me enough

to point out error

in my life.

So I got to ask this guy,

you know the question's coming,

the question is this,

do most of the singles

in the church

use their energy

in free time

serving the Lord

and God's people?

or do they use

their energy

in their free time

on themselves?

And Paul says

that one of the great benefits

that you have

as a single person

is that God

has given you

this great opportunity

to minister to this family

that's eternal

and that you will

see them in heaven?

How are we doing?

Again,

this was revolutionary

for me.

I just was just,

you know,

I was,

I don't know,

the British say

I was gobsmacked

or something like that.

I don't know,

is that a British term

or Australian term?

Colin will tell me later

if I messed it up.

I love you.

But you know,

and that when I heard

those things,

I realized that as a single person

God has a role for us

and it's not a second class role

or it's not a role

but it's the first class role

within God's kingdom.

And Paul says

to the singles

in this church

and to all the churches,

rejoice.

God has you

right where he wants you.

Right where you are

is where God

has called you.

All these people

in this chapter

wanted to move out

because they wanted

something better

but what Paul

is trying to say

to the singles

and to the marrieds

is that

where you are

is where God

has you

and he wants you

to serve

and he wants you

to love

and he wants you

to take care

of the people around you

and don't be in such a hurry

to get married guys.

Don't be so eager

to do it.

I remember

as a young pastor

one of the first churches

I was in,

Christina and I

basically got

six newly married

couples together

and we were kind of

discipling them

and hanging out

with them

and they were all

married less than

three years

and within a year

three or four

of the six

were divorced

and they'd only been

married for three years

but because they hadn't

done singleness well

they couldn't do

marriage well

and Paul says

there's a direct

correlation to that

verse 28

but if you marry

you haven't sinned

so it's not a sin

to be married guys

but be careful

because if you marry

you're going to have

trouble and he's

trying to spare you.

Now all the married

people after I said

this should be saying

amen.

Right?

Trouble.

Right.

I can mark that down.

I don't know.

I mean you know

there's still things

I'm trying to understand

about Christina.

We're married 17 years

and there's still

trouble in our lives

I'm trying to figure

out things like

you know when your

wife comes in

and she says

the light in the

bathroom is out.

And I go okay.

And then she gets

really frustrated.

And then I go okay

okay.

Tell me that again.

The light in the

bathroom is out.

I'm like okay

so you want me to go

change it?

No no no

I'm not telling you

that.

I just want you to

know.

Trouble.

So Paul is saying

to singles

he's saying hey

guys as a single

don't waste your

singleness.

Because you have

great opportunities

to minister to

people and to

love people

and I think for

sure there are

going to be

many many

spiritual children

in heaven

that will be

lived out

by people

who are single

and just sharing

and pouring out

their lives.

Paul goes on

and he says

to marrieds

okay so

singles are you

okay?

You can punch

me later

okay?

Where's your

focus?

Is it on yourself

or is it on

others and people

around you?

To Paul in the

marriage he says

this in verses

11 and 12

and 20 and 24

he says to the

married people

hey don't be so

eager to become

single.

Don't look at the

single's lives and

say oh you're

missing out on

something.

because the

Lord has you

right where he

wants you

the Lord has

made you

right where

you are

and the

best way

that you

can honor

him is to

serve and

to take care

of your

spouse.

Now you

don't understand

again the

depth of what

he's saying

here.

It's counter

cultural,

it's revolutionary,

no one's ever

said that before

because in the

Greek culture and

in the Roman

culture and the

Jewish culture

marriage was

terrible.

I mean

marriage,

the institution

of marriage

was at the

point of

collapse when

Paul and

Jesus are

teaching.

In any of

those cultures

so the

Jewish guy

every day he

got up and

prayed if he

was a good

Jewish guy he

would say

this oh Lord

I thank you

I thank you

that you

haven't made

me a Gentile

dog, an

Australian or

a woman.

So there's

something about

the Jewish

culture that

women and

Australian were

not looked

out as

very good.

But you

see that

over and

over, I'm

teasing, they

didn't know

Australia back

then but they

killed all their

prisoners before

they sent them

away so but

I'm going to

get in trouble,

I know.

But the

Jewish guy

thought that

women were

like dogs.

Seneca who

was a very

famous Roman,

if you ever

take Aladdin,

if you ever

read any Roman

history you're

always going to

read Seneca,

he's an orator

and he said

this, he said

women are to

be married, to

be divorced and

they're divorced, to

be married and

that's all that

women are good

for.

In his day when

you signed a

legal contract, you

didn't sign a

date on the

contract.

What you actually

signed was who

your husband was

because the

husbands change so

frequently and wives

change so frequently.

Jerome, one of the

early church fathers, he

told this story that

there was a woman in

his church and she

had had 23 husbands

and the husband that

she was with now, she

was that guy's 21st

wife.

And so divorce was

just rampant throughout

all of the empire and

through all the

generations and so

Paul comes in and he

says these words, he

says, hey, remain where

you're called.

Serve your spouse.

Marriage is holy.

I mean, he elevates

women, he elevates

marriage, he takes this

radical stance which is

never before taken in the

history of the world and

he says all these things

are good and he actually

says if you want to honor

the Lord, if you want to

make God happy, you take

care of your spouse.

You meet their needs, you

be with them.

If you look at verses

two through six, he's

talking to the married

people and after he

talks about that issue

of not touching a

woman, he warns us.

He warns us if you're a

married person in here, he

said if you're a married

person in here, your

view of marriage and sex

is disordered.

That your view of

marriage and sex is

broken and that you and

me, if you're married,

you're always going to

struggle with selfishness

and you're always going

to struggle with pride.

And this is what he says

which is so, kills me.

He says, Tobin, you're

going to be tempted to

intentionally withhold what

your spouse needs.

You ever done that?

You ever intentionally

withheld what your spouse

needs?

I have.

Christian and I have

beginning arguments and

discussions and in my mind,

I know, okay, she's a

woman, she's made this way

and I don't say that in a

bad way, I say it in a

great way because she's

much greater than I am.

And I know, okay, so she

doesn't really need

intimacy, physical intimacy

like I do, but she needs

relationships and she needs

caring and she needs

gentleness and she needs

to know that I'm with

her, she needs to know

I'm for her, she needs to

know that I can talk to

her.

And I get angry with her.

You know what sometimes

I do?

I just don't talk to her.

I'm like, I'll show her.

She messed with me, I'll

mess with her back.

See how you feel you

don't talk for two days.

You walk in the house.

I know, am I the only

married person who's ever

done this?

Your wife says, how are you

doing?

He said, good.

And you walk past her.

What's going on?

Nothing.

And Paul says that because

of this brokenness and

because of this disorder

in our life, we're going

to be tempted to withhold

what our spouse needs.

I mean, he tells us that

marriage is God's greatest

example to a lost world of

two broken people coming

together and melding and

molding their lives together

together on all levels.

But that you and I are

going to always struggle

with contentment.

And you and I are always

going to struggle with

selfishness.

And you and I are always

going to struggle with

having our needs the way we

want them met.

And what he actually says in

this passage, listen to this

guys, verse 6, 5, and 6.

He says, Tobin, as you

withhold what your wife

needs, what you're actually

doing to that relationship

is you're allowing Satan to

come in.

You're allowing Satan to come

in and you're allowing him

to destroy your marriage and

your relationship.

And you know what, Tobin?

You're not just destroying your

marriage and your

relationship.

You're destroying yourself.

And you think that you're

getting what you want, but

what you're actually doing is

you're dishonoring the Lord.

Because as married people,

God calls us, Paul challenges

us to take care of each other.

I don't need to go into a lot

of detail, what your spouse

needs, what they don't need.

You know that.

My prayer is that you would

think about what that means.

Paul says that you and I were

always going to be tempted as

married people to be self-centered.

That you and I, as married

people, are always going to be

tempted to not feel contentment.

And if we allow that to fester

in our hearts like this church

was doing, if we deprive our

spouses, if we don't do the

things that they need, then we

are destroying ourselves.

And we're dishonoring the Lord.

Paul goes on in verse 5 and he

says, you know what?

If you're a healthy couple, you

don't withhold intimacy from each

other.

If you're a healthy couple, you

don't withhold intimacy from each

other because you know that what

the other person needs, whatever

that is in that marriage.

And if you withhold it, you're

hurting them.

And if you hurt them, you're

hurting yourself.

Did you hear what I said?

If you hurt them, you're hurting

yourself.

And so Paul is talking to this

church that is disoriented and

freaking out and falling apart and

fractured and full of sin and

selfishness and lack of contentment.

And he's saying, hey guys, if you

want to serve the Lord, if you want

to make the Lord happy, you serve

your wife, you serve your husband.

You take care of them.

You outwardly focus instead of

yourself.

One of my biggest struggles as a

married person is the words that

come to my mind.

I deserve this.

Or I need this.

And I need this.

And they haven't given it to me.

And that's wrong.

And Paul says if we do that in

our marriages, we're going to

destroy each other.

So Paul goes on and he says at the

end of this to singles and to

marrieds, he says that we all, we're

always going to struggle with

ourselves.

Singles and marrieds, you're

always going to struggle with

pride.

You're always going to struggle with

not being content.

You're always going to struggle with

getting instead of giving.

You're going to struggle with

life and circumstances.

You're going to want to change

your life and your circumstances.

But you know one of the things the

Bible says?

God really isn't concerned about

what your job is.

I mean, if you're a prostitute,

yeah.

If you're a pimp or you're a hit

man, yeah, that's a bad job.

Okay?

I'll just say that all right now.

But for most of us, our jobs

really aren't what God's focus is.

The external.

What God is mostly focused on is

your heart.

He's worried about the internal.

And so everything God's going to do

to us, guys, is to make our hearts

different and to change us.

So if you're a single in here,

this is what Paul says in his passage.

Paul says, use your time,

use your energy,

use your capacity,

and serve him,

and serve God,

not Paul,

serve God,

and serve others.

He says to the singles in here,

be careful because there's nothing

that has the capacity

to scar your soul more

than having sex outside of marriage.

And there are a lot worse things

than not being married.

And the biggest one I've found

as a pastor and a counselor

is marrying the wrong person.

That's a lot worse

than not getting married, guys.

So be careful.

Because if you're single

and you want to honor the Lord,

you're going to do that

by serving him,

serving others.

And if you do that,

God promises that he's going to meet you

where you need to be met.

I don't know what you think

about God's word,

but I hold it very high.

And when God promises us something,

you can better bet

that he's going to deliver on that.

And he's saying that

if you serve others

and you serve him,

he's going to take care of you.

Now as a married,

he says,

almost the exact same thing.

He says,

now if you're married,

stay married

if at all possible.

And they had some weird stuff

going on in this church.

They had stuff in this church

that Jesus never even experienced, right?

Because they had people

coming to faith

and then the spouse

wasn't in faith

and there's all this tension.

Jesus didn't even have that happen

because he was the faith.

And when he left,

then people started talking

about the gospel.

And so Paul is trying

to navigate these things.

But he says,

if you're married,

try as much as you can

to stay married.

He says,

use your time

and your energy

and your capacity

to serve God

and serve your spouse.

Take care of your spouse.

Focus on them

and not yourself.

And then he warns us.

He says,

be careful

because there's nothing

that has the capacity

to scar your soul more

than harming your spouse

and running away

from your marriage.

Did you hear what he said?

There's nothing

that has the capacity

to scar your soul more

than harming your spouse

and running away

from your marriage.

One last thing.

We're done.

How do we do this?

I mean,

when I hear this

and I've been reading it

and I'm thinking about it,

I'm like,

this just seems

too hard.

I mean,

to do this,

I have to die

to myself.

I have to give up

my dreams.

I have to give up

the things that I

want to serve people

because I might not get

what I want.

And the answer's found

in verse 23.

He says this,

you were bought

with a price.

Don't become a slave of men.

What he's saying there

is that you and I

were bought

with a price

by Christ.

Because he's bought us

and because now we're his

and because now we're

out of slavery

and because now

our lives are being reordered

with the gospel,

and we're understanding

where we're disordered,

because all these things

are true,

because God's spirit

is in us,

you and I have the power

and the strength

to live the life

that God wants us to live.

When I went to Israel,

and if you want to go with us,

we're going to go next May,

I think.

We love it.

It's a great time.

I bought this coin.

It's a silver coin.

It has Mark Anthony's

picture on it.

It's real.

It's antiquities,

the guy I was talking to.

He told me it's one

of the 30 silver coins

that they paid Jesus

to get, you know,

betrayed.

So I paid a little extra

for it, you know,

because I thought

that was really cool.

No, but it's a real coin

and it has Mark Anthony

on it, silver,

Daenerys.

And the Bible says

that when Jesus

was betrayed

or when you buy a slave,

it costs 30 of these.

But the Scripture says

that when God

bought you

and me,

he paid for something

much more precious

than 30 pieces of silver.

He gave his son.

He gave all of his son.

Jesus didn't tie his blood.

He paid it all for us.

And Paul says,

because God has done that

for you and for me,

we can trust him.

We can trust him.

He's going to take care of us.

He knows where you're at.

He knows your struggles.

He knows your needs.

He wants you to trust him

with your life.

Be content

knowing that the God

of the universe

desires

to have an intimate

relationship with you.

And there's nothing,

nothing

he withheld

to make that happen.

Can I ask you

three questions?

We're done.

First question is this.

If all the singles

in the church,

this is for the singles,

if all the singles

in the church

were like you

and they all copied

how you used

your free time,

how you used

your energy,

how you used

your money,

how you used

your words,

what you focused

on in your free time,

what you used

your capacity for,

if all the singles

in the church

did and copied

exactly what you did,

would the church

be a healthy place?

If you were

the role model,

would the church

be healthy?

Would the church

be healthy?

I would have

to answer no

when I was a single.

And he comes back

and he asks the marriages,

let me ask the marriages

because I think we all

have to think about this

in our selfishness

and our pride

to the married

brothers and sisters.

If all the married

people in Watermark

treated their spouse

like you do,

they all focused

the same amount

of energy,

same amount

of time,

same amount

of money,

same amount

of just intentionality,

meeting their needs.

If every married

person in Watermark

copied you,

so their marriage

was just like

your marriage,

would we have

a healthy church?

Or would we be

disordered?

Would we be

in trouble?

Paul says

that the greatest

testimony

to a world

that's perishing

and walking

in darkness

is you and I.

He's not calling

us to be perfect,

guys,

and I'm far

from that.

He's calling

us to trust

Him,

to walk

with Him,

to know

that He's

good,

that He paid

everything for

you,

and that He

wants to have

an intimate

relationship with

you and He

wants to change

you and make

something amazing

into your life.

I don't know

how you answered

that single

question or the

married question,

but maybe you

could just do

this one other

question.

Is there something

you could do

this week?

that could

change it?

As a married

person,

is there some

way that you

can go towards

your spouse

and care for

them and show

them your

appreciation and

how much you

love them and

are for them

and you're on

the same team?

What would that

look like this

week?

Some of us,

we need to do

it every day.

I'm sure I do.

As a single

person, what is

it that you

could do this

week?

What could

you change

that could

affect people's

lives?

And that's

Christ.

You have the

freedom and you

can do this

because Christ

has already done

it for you.

The answer to

the warrior at

the beginning,

what must I do

to make God

happy?

The answer is

you can't

because you're

broken and

you're

disordered.

The only thing

that can make

God happy is

his son.

You have his

son if you're

his child.

Be content.

Rest in peace.

Know that God

is with you.

Father, we

thank you for

this day.

We thank you

for your word

that is living

and active.

We thank you

for this church

at Corinth.

It's a mess

and I'm sure

that people

will look at

us years from

now and say

they're a mess.

But in the

midst of all

of this,

Lord, we

walk in

your mercy

and we

walk in

your grace

and we

know that

you're

changing us.

Father, I

just

confess

the

disorderedness

in my life

even now

as I have

your word

and your

word changes

me.

I still

make choices

not to

follow and

not to

obey.

Repent of

that for

our church

and for

myself.

I pray for

the singles

in this

church,

Lord.

There are

many and

they have

incredible

capacity and

power.

I pray that

they would

take their

eyes off of

their self

and they

would put

their eyes

on you

and they

would rest

knowing that

you've done

this great

work in

their life

and that

you've

equipped

them to

do

something

amazing.

Help us

help them

to do

something

amazing.

Father, I

pray for the

marrieds in

this group.

I know that

some marrieds are

newly married and

some have been

around for a

long time, but

I think that we

could always ask

the question,

am I being a

good spouse?

how can I be

better?

I pray, Lord, that

people would look at

our marriages and

realize that it's

not us, it's

you changing us

and molding us.

Father, I pray for

us as a church that

we wouldn't just sit

here in our own

little church and

just think about

ourselves and look

at our belly

buttons and not

worry about the

world around us,

but help us to

realize that you've

put us here to

love people, to

reach out to a

world that does

not yet know you

and to point them

to the creator,

the creator of

singleness, the

creator of marriage,

the creator of

love, the creator

of sex, and that

they would realize

that only in you

are all those

things going to be

met in a way that

is not disordered.

Father, we love

you and we need

you.

We pray all these

things in your

son Jesus' name.

Amen.