Ancient Wisdom on Friendship

Our first proverb here is in chapter 3 and verse 27 and 28, and it's to do with practicing kindness.

So let me read that for you.

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it's in your power to act.

Do not say to your neighbor, come back later, I'll give it tomorrow when you now have it with you.

Okay, so very simple in a sense, very challenging in another sense, but he's basically saying when it's in your power to help someone,

when somebody needs help, our responsibility is to do good and to do it now, not later.

So this teaches us something about friendship.

A wise friend is somebody who is attentive to the needs of others.

We're looking around, we're seeing who needs help, and we're willing to help even when it might not be convenient for us.

And we'll think about the challenge of that in a moment.

He says, do not withhold good from those who deserve it.

What is that good?

What is that kindness that Solomon is talking about?

We don't know.

In a sense, he's deliberately left it, not specified, so that we don't put limits on it.

So it might be somebody comes to us and they need some equipment, or they need some expertise that we have to offer.

It may be that somebody comes to us and it's as simple as they need some food or some financial resources, or maybe they need our time.

They have something on their mind, something on their heart, and they need somebody to give them time to chat with them.

So it's a simple but a challenging proverb.

And I invite you to reflect later on what this might look like in our day-to-day lives.

You know, it might look like, boys and girls, it might look as simple as, you'll have heard this in your house once or twice,

I'm quite sure, when your mom and dad say, tidy your room.

The kind thing to do is to do it now, not later, when it suits you, which is usually never.

So sometimes the kind thing is really simple, but it's really hard.

It might look like helping your brother or your sister or a friend at school,

even when you're in the middle of a game or you're in the middle of watching the telly,

and there's something you might rather do.

The kind thing is to go and help them.

For us all, we probably have a list of good intentions,

things that I know need doing in my house or in my flat,

that would be a blessing to somebody else.

Proverbs is saying, we'll do that thing and do it today, not tomorrow.

It might be as simple as slowing down to really ask someone,

how are you today?

Not just as a, you know, the way that we greet one another in our culture,

but to really stop and ask and find out what's on a person's horn.

Or it might be much more creative than that.

I read an article from a Christian mom this week,

talking about what she does in her local community

when the message goes out that there's a missing dog.

They live apparently in a dog walking area,

lots of dogs around,

and they have something on social media

that allows people to give information

if there are missing dogs in the area.

So this Christian mom, what she does when she gets this message,

she calls whatever kids are in the house together,

and they pray for the dog,

and they pray for the concerned owners,

and then they go out on the streets,

looking to find A, the dog,

or B, the owner,

in order to bring the two together.

And she talked about this as being a really important way

for her and her kids to be involved in neighborhood mission.

That's a really simple way to show kindness

and to be a good neighbor.

And that's a really nice story.

But back to the challenge of this.

Do not say to your neighbor,

come back later, I'll give it tomorrow.

There's the challenge for us to do the good thing today

and not tomorrow.

To do it now rather than later.

Because most of us, I imagine,

feel ourselves to be time poor.

We have schedules.

We have to-do lists that drive our days.

And so often we don't have much in the way of margins.

We're moving from this activity to this meeting,

to this deadline, to this pickup,

and it seems like there's very little margin.

So then we have very little space and time, perhaps,

to stop and to help.

And so maybe that's one of the challenges for us,

is to think about how can we build in margins.

I remember reading about a missionary

who knew his work from his house to the shops

to the school would take, let's say, 40 minutes.

So he decided to add an extra 10 minutes time

so then he'd be able to stop and have a conversation.

He'd be able to stop and help someone.

Maybe that's something that we might usefully think about.

So the challenge sometimes is that we feel time poor.

Sometimes it's just that we feel lazy or we feel selfish.

We'd actually rather not do it today

because we'd rather not do it at all.

We might feel that we have had a busy day.

We've got demands that need to be met

rather than trying to help somebody else.

Now, as we think about the challenge of this proverb,

how can Jesus help?

Let's think for a moment about the example of Jesus.

On a Wednesday lunchtime,

we have a Bible study through in the hall.

And on Wednesday, we were thinking

about the feeding of the 5,000,

a miracle that maybe many of us have heard about.

Now, the situation behind that

is Jesus is taking his disciples away to find rest.

They've been so busy, they don't even have time to eat.

So there's Jesus and his disciples.

They're tired, they're hungry, they're super busy.

They go away to be on their own.

But as they move to that quiet place,

this huge crowd comes to them.

And what happens is Jesus has compassion on them.

He looks at them as sheep without a shepherd.

And so he teaches them and brings them the word of God.

And then he feeds them.

Jesus is somebody who made time for others.

You read the gospels, you will see him stopping

to pay attention to the needs of people.

And it's there in his teaching,

it's why we read the story of the Good Samaritan.

Jesus is teaching what does it look like to be a neighbor?

It looks like helping.

It looks like showing mercy to those in need

when we find people in need, whoever they are,

whether they're friend or enemy or who knows who they are.

And of course, that brings us to the gospel ultimately.

The way that we are able to practice true kindness as a friend

is to have first received the kindness of God

from Jesus who came to be the great Samaritan.

Jesus who came to us in our need,

in our misery because of our sin and our unbelief

and our inability to know God,

to enjoy God, which is what we're made for.

Jesus comes to us.

And by his death on the cross,

he washes us, he cleans us,

he transforms us,

he gives us new life

and gives us peace with God.

And so as we receive that kind of love,

that kind of kindness,

as we reflect on that in our own lives,

then let's let that generous love

then inform our practice

of this kind of kindness.

So Solomon says,

practice kindness.

Our next proverb is,

forward a few pages,

chapter 13.

This is page 647.

This isn't so much about something to practice

as some people to pursue.

Page 647,

Proverbs chapter 13,

Proverbs 13:20

verse 20.

Pursue wise friends.

He who walks with the wise grows wise,

but a companion of fools suffers harm.

So the Bible has a lot to say about wisdom and folly,

to be wise and to be foolish.

And we need to understand

that that's not an intellectual thing.

It's not saying find yourself some friends

who are super smart.

Wisdom and folly is all about

how does a person live

in reference to God and his values?

Is a person looking to love and serve

and obey God

or are they deliberately trying to ignore God

in the world that he made?

That's what differentiates,

separates wisdom from folly.

And so Solomon gives this advice

to his son

because he knows that for better or for worse,

we become more and more like the people

who we spend time with.

The people that we admire,

we tend to become more like them.

We discover that the closer our friendship,

the more those friendships shape our character.

Whether it's by a friend's example

or whether it's their advice

or whether it's the direction of their life,

for better or for worse,

the people that we are close to,

that they have an influence on us.

We can sometimes see that at a really surface level.

Spend time with somebody.

You might begin to take up some of their mannerisms.

Some of their phrases become your phrases.

But at a deeper level,

we can adopt a person's cynical

or judgmental attitude negatively

or positively,

become more generous and more gracious

as we spend time with that kind of a person.

So Solomon is reminding his son

that ultimately,

he says this throughout the Proverbs,

the goal of life and wisdom

is all about knowing God.

Knowing and enjoying friendship with God

is what it means to be wise.

Therefore,

choose friends

and choose role models

who help you to get closer to Jesus.

Pursue those friendships

that help you to walk with God.

What does that look like in our lives?

Well, maybe the children's game,

Simon Says,

is helpful.

Boys and girls,

I'm sure you know the game,

Simon Says.

Simon Says,

touch your head.

You touch your head.

If you just say to someone,

touch your head,

and Simon hasn't said it,

you're not supposed to copy.

We have to be really careful,

whatever age we are,

about the friendships that we have

to see whether they're being a positive

or a negative influence on us.

Sometimes the role models that we choose

are really good,

but sometimes they're really not.

And ultimately,

we're all called,

if we want to be truly wise,

to choose Jesus as our role model.

To make him the one

that we want to live according to.

But for all of us,

it's good wisdom

to watch and learn

from godly examples.

It's often wisdom and guidance

given out

when people are about to get married.

Find a marriage

of a mature couple that you admire

and get close to them.

Watch them.

Learn from them

so that you might seek

to put that into practice.

In your field of expertise

or interest,

find another Christian

who has walked that path before you

and ask them questions.

How can I be faithful

in this field of industry?

How can I be faithful

on the sports field?

We need to ask ourselves the question,

which friends most shape

the way we look at the world?

Who has the big influence on us?

Our friendships are not neutral.

And one of the things

about the gift of the church

to the people of God

is that we have an opportunity

within church

to pursue friendships

that help us together

to follow after God.

And again,

when we think about Jesus,

Jesus taught

quite clearly on this.

You know,

he would say on the one hand,

I am the way

and the truth and the life.

No one comes to the Father

except through me.

So he calls people

to listen to him,

to understand that he is

the one who brings wisdom

for how to know God.

But he'd also say,

watch out for those blind guides,

those false teachers

who can easily lead you astray.

At the end of the Sermon on the Mount,

he told the parable of the wise

and the foolish builder.

He said that to listen

and to practice,

to put into his,

into practice his words

is to be wise,

is to build your house

on a rock that stands.

Building a life

on friendship with Jesus

is a solid foundation.

Whereas if we ignore

Jesus and his words,

it's like a house built on sand.

So we are called

to pursue wise friends.

We're called to pursue Jesus.

Jesus,

the one who came

to bring us back to God.

The one who prayed

shortly before the cross,

this is eternal life,

that they know you,

the only true God

and Jesus Christ,

whom you sent.

To know Jesus

is to know eternal life,

which is to know God,

Father, Son, and Spirit.

It's to know eternal love

and eternal joy.

Jesus invites us into that.

Therefore, we are invited

to pursue him.

And then the last proverb

from King Solomon,

from chapter 17,

and verse 9.

So this time we're on page 652.

Solomon's wisdom to his son,

and by extension his wisdom to us,

is to practice forgiveness.

chapter 17 and verse 9.

He who covers over an offense

promotes love,

but whoever repeats the matter

separates close friends.

So this proverb is giving the wisdom

that love covers,

love forgives,

a multitude of sins and failures.

That often wisdom in friendship

is being silent

rather than sharing the faults

of a friend,

especially if we're tempted

to share those faults

with others,

rather than gently talking

to the person

who's been guilty of wrong.

It was Martin Luther King,

the civil rights leader,

who said that love

is the only force

capable of transforming

an enemy

into a friend.

And when we think about

that saying,

when we think about

this wisdom of Solomon,

we understand

that to forgive

is a gift of love

that can reconcile

rather than drive away.

They're not constantly

going on about past failures.

It is a way

to remove that barrier

to allow friendship

and love

to develop.

And this is the heart

of the gospel,

that God in his grace

has chosen

through the blood of Jesus

to cover over

our offense,

to remember it

no more.

Solomon is saying

love that offers

forgiveness

and that offers

the discretion

that doesn't talk

and gossip

fosters friendship

and love.

When we think about

the opposite,

it's about being quick

to be offended,

it's being quick

to retaliate,

quick to lash out.

We're reminded

that love chooses

to think the best

of others,

to see the best

in others.

So we're called

to be quick

to reconcile.

We are called

to avoid

passing on

the faults

of others

even when we

sometimes dress

that up

as a prayer

request.

Pray this

for my friend

because he has

been so

and then comes

the big list

that's ultimately

not the other

person's business

and sometimes

we can dress

up gossip

really nicely.

It looks like

making the first

move

to reconcile

with someone else

because we

understand

that God

has made

the first move

towards us

so that we

might be

reconciled

to him.

It's challenging.

Our instinct

is perhaps

to say

but they did

that thing

to me

and that was

awful.

Our temptation

perhaps is to

lash out.

Our instinct

is perhaps

to lash out

and it

maybe feels

good in the

moment we

lose sight

of the

consequences.

It can be

extremely hard

to cover

over an

offense

to seek

to forgive

and to

not repeat

a matter.

How again

can Jesus

help us

in this?

Perhaps

you are

familiar with

the parable

called the

parable of

the unmerciful

servant.

Jesus told

this story

about a

king

who

wanted to

call in

the debts

of those

who had

amassed

debt

with him

and he

brings in

one servant

who has a

huge debt.

We take

hundreds of

years to

pay off

the debt

and the

servant

falls at

the king's

feet and

begs for

mercy and

the king

shows mercy

and cancels

the debt

in an act

of great

grace and

forgiveness.

Well that

servant then

goes out

and just a

little while

later he

sees a

fellow servant

who owes

him just a

very small

amount of

money but

there is no

mercy and

forgiveness.

He grabs

him, he

shakes him,

he throws

him in

prison until

the last

penny can

be paid

back.

Well the

king is

furious.

He is

furious that

he has shown

mercy to

that servant

but that

servant has

not passed

it forward

and Jesus

used that

story to

teach his

followers that

just as we

have received

huge mercy

from God.

So we

should be

quick to

show forgiveness

to the

relatively small

things that

others do

to us.

That God's

forgiveness,

God's mercy

should change

our heart,

should bring

a transforming

work that

then allows us

to pay that

forward to

practice

forgiveness.

And this is

the gospel.

In the book

of Colossians

Paul uses

the image

of the

cross.

He says

that Jesus

came and

he cancelled

the written

code that

stood against

us.

So this

record of

wrongs that

God has

because of

our sin

and our

guilt,

we have

this record

of debt

before God.

Now when

the Roman

Empire was

crucifying a

victim,

they would

nail the

victim to

the cross

and then

above their

head would

be the

list of

crimes.

This person

is dying

for such

and such.

What Paul

is giving

us this

picture of

is that

there on

the cross,

Jesus is

dying with

our list

of crimes

hanging above

his head.

Jesus comes

to be our

substitute.

He takes

our record

of wrong,

he takes

our guilt,

and he

pays the

price in

full so

that we

might go

free.

The Bible

says that

God deliberately

by his grace

and love

and mercy

doesn't

remember our

sin when it

is forgiven.

It is thrown

to the bottom

of the ocean

of his

forgetfulness.

It is as

far from him

as the east

is from

the west.

And so

the good

news of

Jesus is

that we

have received

great

forgiveness

and great

mercy from

God.

And therefore,

the more

that we

know of

that,

we reflect

on that,

that can

fuel our

forgiveness

towards our

friends.

So we

come to the

end of our

series on

friendship,

and we've

seen all

the way as

we go that

Jesus is

presented in

the Bible as

the greatest

of friends.

Augustine in

the fourth

century, he

said,

friendship with

one another

and with

God is the

supreme pleasure

of life.

Now, if that's

true, and I

think it is,

how do you

and I enjoy

them both?

How do we

enjoy good

friendships with

one another

and with God?

And how do we

protect them

both?

Well, the

Bible says it

begins by

trusting in

Jesus.

It begins by

becoming a

friend of

Jesus, and

the more we

know and

enjoy being

with him,

the more we

will know and

enjoy all

our

friendships.

Maybe think

of Beauty

and the Beast,

a classic

Disney movie,

probably my

favorite Disney

movie, I

think.

When we meet

the beast at

first, he's

very skinny,

angry, he's

very antisocial,

and because he's

been so used to

living alone, he's

become all shriveled

up and just

mean.

But once Belle is

introduced to his

life, once he

meets Belle, once he

discovers the

kindness and love

of Belle, we

discover that the

beast's character

begins to change.

He becomes soft

and gentle and

lovely.

As friendship and

love starts to

melt his hard

heart.

When we know

the friendship of

Jesus for

ourselves, when

we come to

experience his

kindness, when

we come to

appreciate his

forgiveness and

his love for us,

then in exactly

the same way,

our hard

hearts too

begin to melt.

Jesus begins to

work out the

rough edges in

our lives so

that we are

able to enjoy

the wonder of

friendship with

God, and we're

able to be

better friends to

others.

purpose is,

or

the

meaning

how