Influencers for the Gospel

Great. It's good to see you this morning. The sun is out. It's beautiful.

And it's an amazing day to be worshipping God together collectively.

And last week we talked about older men and women.

And this week, after this sermon, I may be looking for a job somewhere else in a distant country

because this passage raises all kinds of sensitive issues.

And I'm aware as a guy that I'm speaking about a lot of things which I can't answer every question in 30 minutes here,

which you may have.

And I'm not even going to try to answer every question that this passage raises.

But my hope is that as we're kind of talking and we're going on this journey together as a family,

that this is kind of the beginning of a conversation that we're talking about,

what it means to be a family together, and in specifically the specific areas of our lives.

So I pray that this would ignite conversations in your CGs, in your marriages,

in all the different things that you're going on in your life this week.

And the problem with passages which deal with very much the nitty-gritty of life and like this

is that we often get wrapped up in certain controversial words,

but we miss actually what Paul is trying to say in the context of what he's writing.

And what he's trying to say is that the Christian community,

and this is what we've been looking at over the last few weeks,

the Christian community is meant to be a counter-cultural community,

which is shaped by the gospel of Christ's love for us in a way which influences

and attracts the culture to see how beautiful Jesus is.

And near where I lived before in the UK, there's a little village called Eam.

You've probably not heard of it, but in British history,

this place Eam is very, very significant.

Because in 1665, there was a huge plague that was spreading throughout the whole of the UK.

And it was spread by fleas on rats.

And at one point, a parcel of cloth arrived in the village to a tailor

who opened it, and unknown to him,

this cloth was infected with the fleas of this plague, who carried this plague.

A week later, the tailor was dead.

23 other villagers were dead.

And at that point, all the other villagers were like,

let's get out of here.

Let's run, because this place is dangerous.

But the minister of the town,

he persuaded them.

He said, no, we have to quarantine ourselves.

We have to isolate ourselves together from the rest of the country,

so that this plague does not spread.

And do you know what they did?

One year later, 260 out of 350 villagers had died,

including the minister's wife,

who had lovingly tended the sick.

But do you know why it's famous?

It's because the actions of those villagers stopped the plague spreading

in the whole of the rest of Britain.

Countless thousands of lives were saved by the heroic actions of that group.

Now, there's something which I think is inspiring,

is beautiful,

about people willing to sacrifice themselves for the sake of others,

even for them, for complete strangers.

And the call for Christians is that our lives are to visibly display

and represent the gospel of a God who does exactly the same,

who lays down his life for us,

who give himself for us on a cross.

Jesus, when you and I were at our worst,

he came and died for us.

That's the gospel.

We know that.

We say that week in, week out.

And Jesus, when he came,

he did not say kind of grudgingly,

well, after all I've done for you,

you know, created the world,

given you life,

after all these things,

and now all I get is rejection on the cross.

I deserve a little bit of respect around here from you guys,

so please give me some respect.

Jesus doesn't say that.

He keeps pouring his love and his grace out for people who don't deserve it.

It's the picture of the cross that we put up here.

It's what shapes the whole of Christianity.

And Jesus says,

the reason I call you to be my people

is because I'm going to shape you and your lives,

individually and as a community,

to look increasingly more like that.

But, you know,

the culture sends us other messages

about what love really means,

because that sounds very painful.

Piglet, when talking to Winnie the Pooh,

asks,

how do you spell love?

And Winnie the Pooh says,

you don't spell love,

you feel it.

And we kind of,

we have these messages coming to us all the time.

We think that love should kind of come naturally.

It's kind of this feeling which comes up.

It's not gritty, hard, painful work.

And as Justin Bieber says,

all you've got to do is listen to your deepest feelings.

They don't ever lie.

And that's what everyone tells us what love is.

That's what the people in Crete,

who Paul is writing to Titus, thought.

They thought love was all about self-performing.

It's whether you get sex, money, pleasure.

Love was all about satisfying my desire,

my feelings,

making me feel good to get what I want.

And I'll give you back, love,

as long as you give to me.

But if in any way I don't get back from you,

then I'm going to withdraw from you.

And that's the way the Cretan culture worked.

It was fundamentally all about getting what I want.

And people were throwing off the restrictions of saying,

men and women were saying,

hey, I want to be able to get sexually fulfilled

so I can do it any way I want.

I can get what I want.

And Jesus comes,

and Paul comes with this counter-cultural message

which says,

if you want to gain your life,

gain fulfillment,

you've got to lose your life.

C.S. Lewis wrote,

the more we get what we now call ourselves

out of the way

and let God take over,

the more truly ourselves we become.

And we become these beautiful,

attractive, inspiring people

who attract people not to ourselves,

but to a God who is amazing,

a sacrifice for us.

And so we're going to look at this idea of love

and the community

because that's what Paul is really talking about.

And I want to talk about a few things.

I want to say that love is hard.

Love, sacrificially love, is hard.

I then want to talk about how love works out

in relationships with the young women

and the young men.

And then I want to talk about the power to love.

So here's, love is hard.

You know, if I'm honest,

I just don't think I'm actually very good at this.

I can do a nice talk,

but I'm not actually in practice

very good at sacrificial love.

Because, here's a stupid example.

A while ago, a friend of mine,

I had to give something back to a friend of mine.

And I needed a bag to put it in.

Okay?

And I'm going through our selection of bags.

And there's one cloth bag that I really like

because it's just the right size

for a lot of things that I like to carry.

And I'm going through,

and I see this bag,

and then I see another bag

which is kind of tattered and old and this.

And I think, okay, which bag shall I give him?

And I'm going, nice bag, ugly bag.

Nice bag, ugly gag.

And then I think,

Chris, you work in a church.

So I gave him the ugly bag.

And it's just a bag.

It's not a Rolex.

It's a bag.

But even in the most mundane things in life,

which is so stupid,

I struggle to even think about

what it means to sacrifice.

And Paul knows that as well

because what he says is,

he says in verse 3,

he says,

older women are to teach what is good,

and verse 4,

and to train the young women

to love their husbands and children.

Did you get that?

He said,

you have to train the younger women

to love their husbands and children.

What that means is,

love doesn't come naturally.

You have to be trained how to love.

Right?

And remember,

most of the young women here

were probably 15 to 20,

and most of them were,

sorry,

over 15 to 20,

were probably married in the culture.

And so he's saying,

love is the hardest thing in the world to do.

It's the hardest thing in the world to do.

And you need people to help you how to love

because it doesn't come naturally.

You know,

especially if you are married,

when your husband leaves the toilet seat up

for the 15th time

and forgets to tell you

that he booked an evening out

with his friends on your wedding anniversary,

love doesn't come naturally at those points.

Plenty of other things come naturally at those points.

You see,

professional athletes hire coaches

to train them to become better sportsmen and women.

Students have teachers

to help them to grow academically.

But why do we think

with something that is infinitely more difficult

than either sport or academics

that we can kind of,

and if you're single,

any relationship of loving people,

why do we think we can do it simply by ourselves

without others to help us along the way?

Because do you know the phrase,

it says,

it takes a village to raise a child,

right?

Well, it actually takes a church

to help us love people.

Because you see,

before in the past,

you used to have a village

of everyone would be around

to help support you,

but now with globalization

and individualism,

we're so private

that we try and bear the weight

of the responsibilities

God has given us by ourselves.

And statistics show us

we don't do a very good job at it.

We're here,

and it's not just the young men,

it's the young,

it's the,

sorry,

the young women,

it's the men too,

because Titus is there

to be a model to them

of what it looks like

to love people.

There's no room

for privatized Christian faith

in the Bible.

You know,

it's just me and Jesus

by ourselves.

There's no room for that.

Because he says,

each one of us

has a responsibility

as part of the family

to help each other

to love

in whatever situation

God has placed you in.

Because it's hard.

You see,

a sermon is not enough

to shape you.

If you're single,

if you're married,

you need a community

of older and younger people

around you

who are walking

alongside each other.

And if you've been a Christian

for longer than a couple of years,

the challenge of the gospel

would be,

who are you walking alongside?

Who are you walking alongside

to help them

to love whoever it is

who's around them?

That's the call of the gospel.

Because it's too hard

to do it by ourselves.

Love's hard.

Secondly,

how sacrificial love

works out in relationships.

The older women

are to train the younger women

to be self-controlled,

pure,

working at home,

kind,

submissive to their own husband

so that in everything

the word of God

is not reviled.

God.

So there's meant

to be something

which demonstrates

the beauty of the gospel

to other people.

But did you notice

some of the words

that you said?

And some of you

may be thinking,

well, Paul,

I can't believe

you said the S word.

And why is he only

talking to young women

here about marriage?

Where are the husbands?

Did you?

And I don't know if you notice

there's five things

for the younger women

in verse four,

verse five,

sorry,

but there's only one thing

for the younger men

in verse six.

It seems a little bit unfair

in here.

But in the context,

what Paul is focusing on,

he's focusing on the young women

because he's most concerned

about the pressure

that's being put on them

to conform to the rest

of Cretan cultural standards.

This is not his final word

on marriage.

We know that

because you look in Ephesians

and Colossians,

other letters that he writes,

he gives a much fuller picture

of what marriage is like.

And we know from these passages,

this is what Paul is saying.

Paul says,

the gospel says,

marriage is a dance of love.

Okay?

It's a dance of love.

It's a living picture

of how Christ and the church

are meant to relate to each other.

It's meant to be beautiful.

And at the heart of marriage

is not self-centeredness.

It's not self-fulfillment.

It's not getting what I want,

but it's loving and sacrificing

for what the other

will help the other to flourish.

So Paul says in Ephesians five,

he says,

the husbands are the head of the wife,

but then he says this,

husbands,

love your wives

as Christ loved the church

and gave himself up for her

to make her holy,

to present her to himself

as a radiant church

without stain or wrinkle

or any other blemish,

but holy and blameless.

Now, I don't even get

what he's saying.

He's saying,

just as Jesus used his headship

of the church

to lay down his life

to serve her,

to make her radiant,

flourishing.

So God has given husbands

the responsibility before him

to lead our wives

to be radiant and flourishing.

That means with all their gifts,

with all their talents,

we are to lay down what we want

so that they emotionally,

physically,

spiritually can flourish.

Now,

there are many things

we could talk about

and I've only got a brief time,

but here's just a couple of things

because this actually

really challenges me.

Here's a question.

Is it costing,

if you're a husband,

is it costing you daily,

is it costing you daily

to love your wife?

Is there a cost to it?

You see,

not just we're dutifully doing it

because we don't want to get in trouble,

but is there a joyful cost,

which means maybe

that I'm willing to lose

nine arguments out of ten

for her sake.

Is it

that I'll study my wife

so that I see

how she experiences love,

not how I think

she should experience love,

so I don't just assume

that because I don't mind

a lack of communication

that she doesn't mind either.

and we need to be asking our wives,

how can I love you better?

It means if she's not giving you

as much sex as you want right now,

you're not going to withhold

your emotional affection

and your time as payback.

No, because you are called

to lay down your life

for your wife.

It's hard.

It's costly.

Jesus didn't die for us

when we were most attractive,

but you know,

we can spend a fortune

as guys

on our kids' education,

but you know,

all the research showed us

that by far

the greatest educational experience

your children will ever see

is not taught in school,

is not taught in kids' ministry,

it's learned from seeing

how you love your wife.

Do you know that?

And our relationship with God,

we need to invest

in our relationship with God

so that we can invest

in our relationship

with our wives.

So how are we doing with that?

If you're a husband here,

how are you doing with that?

For the young women,

it says,

the way women are

to play out this dance,

this gospel dance,

is in submission.

Now what does that mean?

Here's what it doesn't mean,

okay?

Because we have so many loaded

connotations of what this means.

It doesn't mean

women have to be a doormat

and you can't confront

your husband.

It doesn't mean

you can't initiate anything

and the man makes

all the decisions.

It doesn't mean

you have to put up

with an abusive husband.

If you have an abusive husband,

you need to get out of there

and seek help.

It doesn't mean

that women are inferior

to the husband.

He's not saying

that there are some jobs

in the home

that only women do.

The Bible says nothing

about who cooks,

who cleans,

who changes the kid's nappy

or diaper.

There is nothing

in the Bible about that.

That's cultural context.

That's not what the Bible

is talking about.

What he does mean is this.

Marriage is so often

a power play

between who can get control

and nobody is willing

to back down at any stage.

And the gospel

of self-sacrificing love

calls first of all

everyone to submit to God

but then it calls wives

to have a heart attitude

that seeks to help

your husband

in his role of leading

the family

to flourish in Christ

rather than undermining

his role.

Okay?

So we don't,

it seeks to help him

to be the person

that he should be

in Christ

not by constantly

criticizing,

not by trying

to force your way

but by creating

an environment

where he can flourish

and love and serve

the family

as he's supposed to.

Sometimes that means

you're going to have

to confront him.

Sometimes that means

you're going to have

to be patient with him,

with his faults,

not nag him

because you know

what happens?

Nagging never helps

a husband to love,

it causes a husband

to withdraw.

You see,

it's not expecting

our husbands to be

kind of a pre-packaged,

already sculpted sculpture,

perfect in every way

to fulfill my wishes,

but rather seeing him

as a block of marble

who needs sculpting

and shaping

to be the man

God has called him to be.

You see,

it's all about

the other person.

The husband is to be

about the wife.

The wife is to be

about the husband.

Kathy Keller,

who was the wife

of Pastor Tim Keller,

said this.

He said,

I discovered that

my submission in marriage

was a gift I offered,

not a duty coerced.

If a husband tells you

to submit,

he's missed the whole point

of the picture.

His love should woo you

to submit.

He does not call you

to submit.

And she tells a story

of Tim Keller

who,

when they were going

to plant a church

in New York,

Tim Keller wanted to go.

She disagreed.

And then finally,

Tim says,

okay,

if you don't want to go,

we won't go.

And Kathy Keller

at that point said,

no.

You're letting me

make the decision here.

You have to make it.

Submission means

you have to make

the best decision,

the decision

in the best interest

of the family,

and you have to bear

the responsibility

before God.

Don't put that one

on me.

Because she knows

her husband,

and she knows

what needs to help

sculpt him

is that he's passive

in that time,

and he's avoiding

responsibility.

Now,

every situation

will look different.

Every marriage,

it will look different.

And the thing is,

if you struggle

with that idea,

and a lot of people do,

I ask you just to look

at the Christian marriages

around you

who are living this out,

and you'll see

a picture

which is not

an oppressive picture,

but it's an attractive picture,

because that's what

the gospel is about.

Your marriages

should show people

how attractive

God is

in our lives.

And I know

for some of us

that is a very difficult,

a marriage is often

not ideal.

If you have

a stubborn,

selfish husband,

Keller says,

you can respond

in one or two ways.

You can confront him,

but if he still

doesn't change,

you can say,

okay,

I'm going to be

selfish back.

Or you can say,

even if he isn't

the husband

he should be,

I'm going to be

the wife that I should be.

And that's the same

the other way around.

If the same

for men as well,

that if your wife

is,

you're struggling

in your marriage

with your wife,

well,

as a husband,

you be the husband

you are called to be.

Because it's about

self-sacrificing love

which reflects

the gospel.

And I know

that there are

some very difficult

situations

in the church

and I can't speak

into all of them,

but I don't want

to minimize

the difficulty

it is

in relationships.

And if you're

struggling,

the Bible says

don't do it alone.

Come and talk

to your CG leader,

open up to other

women,

other men,

because there is

grace that is

sufficient for you.

We walk alongside

each other.

That's

the beauty

of the marriage

picture.

But he also says

to women,

young women,

they'll be working

at home.

And again,

he's not saying

women can't work

outside the home.

We know that's

not true because

in Proverbs 31,

he says,

the picture of an

ideal woman is

someone who's

running her own

business.

And secondly,

we know that

only rich women

in Paul's time

could afford not

to work.

Everyone else

had to work.

So actually,

this church

would have not

been a church

filled with rich

people,

so they would

have been working.

What is he saying?

He's saying,

if God has given

you a husband

and children,

or if you are

single,

God has given

you other

responsibilities in

your life,

whether it's

towards your family,

your parents,

or other things,

don't neglect

them.

Don't neglect

them because

you feel that

pursuing your

career,

pursuing your

other interests,

is more

fulfilling.

Don't neglect

what God has

called you

to do.

And that may

mean that some

of us have to

face real

sacrifices for

the sake of

our family.

And many of

us, I know,

in the congregation

have done that.

But the primary

goal for both

women and for

men is not

about fulfilling

ourselves.

So as a guy,

we're not just

about pursuing

our career to

the neglect

of our families.

Sometimes you

may have to

lay aside a

promotion for

the sake of

spending time

with your

family.

But here,

the call is

very much,

don't find

your identity

in what

you do.

Find your

identity in

who you are

in Christ.

Because the

thing is this,

our culture

tells us,

it tells women,

young women,

older women,

it tells you,

your identity

and fulfillment

is found in

being a wife

and a mother.

Okay?

You look at

all the blogs

and everything,

your identity

is found in

being a wife

and a mother.

So if you

are not a

wife and a

mother,

and you are

single,

and you're

over 30,

you're often

told that

you're somehow

less.

That's what

people say

in this

culture.

That somehow

you're missing

something.

But it also

tells us,

that's on the

one hand,

so if you're

single and

you're a working

woman and you're

doing amazingly

in career,

sometimes so many

women feel like

I'm still missing

out because I

don't have the

other thing.

I don't have

the family,

the husband

and the kids.

But on the

other hand,

it also tells us

our society that

your identity and

fulfillment is found

in career success.

So if you don't

have the successful

career, so if

you've actually

given that up and

you're a homemaker

and you're spending

time with your

family, it tells

you that you're

missing out.

You're somehow

less.

And the gospel

says both of

those are wrong.

Your identity and

fulfillment is

neither found in

career success nor

is it found in

motherhood or

being a wife.

Your identity is

found in the fact

that you're a

child of God.

You are loved by

God who has

called you to

himself.

You're his

child.

And whatever

he has called

you into,

whatever he has

given you, be

faithful with what

he is and find

your pleasure in

serving him.

That doesn't

mean you can't

have kids and

work.

No, you can.

But just be

faithful with what

he's given you.

Be faithful.

faithful because,

and this is for

guys as well, if

we try and find

our self-fulfillment

in anything other

than serving God

and what he's

given us, do you

know what happens?

What happens is you

pursue your own

self-fulfillment,

other people who get

in the way of that

will just become

objects to get out.

Your kids can

become annoyances

because they're

stopping you getting

on and doing what

you want.

Your friends, if

they don't help you

become more

ambitious, you will

remove them, you'll

get rid of them

because you just

have to get

fulfillment through

your career, through

these other things.

And the gospel says

if you neglect other

things because you

just want to get

fulfilled by yourself,

you're going to end

up empty and lacking

those things that you

chase most.

But be faithful.

Guys, women,

whatever God has

called you to at this

season of life, be

faithful and know

his pleasure on your

life.

Because joy comes

from serving him.

Whatever he has

called you to, joy

comes from serving

and knowing him.

That's tough for us

because we actually

live in a culture

which tells us

totally different

things.

But it's beautiful.

people.

And he goes on to

talk about young

men now.

And young men, and

he says one thing to

the young men.

One thing.

Okay?

He says, be self-

controlled.

Why does he only say

one thing to the young

men?

Because basically that

summarizes pretty much

every challenge that a

young man faces.

If he gets this one

right, you know,

everything else falls

into place.

And actually it's the

same call he gives to

everybody actually, but

the young men

particularly.

He's saying be

self-controlled.

He's not saying have a

British kind of stiff

upper lip.

He's not saying repress

your feelings.

He's saying don't let

your desires rule over

you.

It's not instant

gratification above

long-term character.

You see, what destroys

men and consequently

damages the people

around them, what locks

us up in shame, so

many of us, and I

know this for myself,

what stops us doing

mighty things for God

is a lack of self-control.

You see, I tend to

think that we're

actually a little bit

like the cookie

monster.

If you've seen the

cookie monster out of

Sesame Street, he

goes, me want cookie,

me eat cookie now.

Right?

And so, sex, arguments,

shopping, beer, food, you

name it, me want, me

have, now.

And we click on porn

sites at will.

We say whatever we want,

whatever we feel at the

moment, we let anger come

out of our mouths rather

than holding our tongues.

We neglect to communicate

with those we love because

we just have to finish this

last email.

And we fail to display

the sacrificial love of

Christ because we just

want to get what we want

now.

But that's not how Christ

does it.

You see, there's this

amazing experiment.

I don't know if you've

seen it.

Have you heard of the

marshmallow test?

About 50 years ago in

Stanford University,

researchers did this

test where basically

they got kids in a room

and they said, they gave

them a marshmallow and

they said, you can either

eat this marshmallow now

or you can wait 15

minutes and then we'll

give you two.

Okay?

And you can watch some

of the YouTube videos.

It's fascinating.

Because what you get is

you get some kids who

are just like, oh.

And then like 15 minutes

later they're kind of

regretting it.

You get then other kids

who are kind of, who are

looking at it.

And some of them are

like, ah, like this.

And some of them, they're

kind of like banging on

the table.

And some of them are

kind of walking around

trying to distract

themselves.

And the best one is

there's this kid who's

like, who starts kind of

licking the, not just the

marshmallow, but the table

next to it.

And they do anything to

try and control

themselves.

Because, and what they

discovered was they kind

of looked later on in

life at the kids who

actually had self-control

and were able to just

hold themselves for 15

minutes.

And they found that

those kids were actually

the most successful

people in all of the

rest of their lives.

Whether in family, in

job, in all the other

things.

The ones who couldn't

control themselves were

the ones who later on

in their lives, actually

made a mess of their

lives.

Fascinating.

And some of us know

that we right now, like

the kids who have to eat

the marshmallow straight

away, we have to get

what we want straight

away.

And you know what it

does?

It often leads you, you

see the consequences of

that lived out in your

life.

John Piper, pastor, he

says, there are many

young men who are

who are not sharing

their faith with other

people because they

have a pornography

problem that grips

them.

And there's so much

shame that comes along

with that, you feel

like, how can I ever

share with anybody

else?

And he says, what we

need to do is to learn

gutsy guilt.

We need to learn that

when we fail in self-

control, we don't say

that's me and then we

just keep kind of eating

the marshmallow.

We keep doing whatever

we've been doing as a

habit and just in this

cycle of destructiveness.

He says, Christ died to

bring us more

satisfaction than what

this is offering me

right now.

I don't know what your

marshmallow is right

now, but Christ died to

give you more satisfaction

than that.

It's not just so that I

should keep gratifying

myself.

It's not that I should

not do this because it's

wrong.

It's I need not do this

because in Christ there is

more satisfaction, more

long-term gain, more joy,

more freedom, and I can

be the man God has called

me to be.

You see, whether it's in

our relationships, and by

the way, this doesn't just

refer to men as well.

It refers to all of us,

right?

Hands up, you know, and we

all struggle with that.

And the gospel says if you

want to begin to look more

like this, it's going to

impact those relationships.

It's going to impact the

way you view your desires

because God wants to do

something which is going to

change us to look beautiful

in a world which is all

about just getting what I

want when I want it.

And finally, the final thing

is how do we then have the

power to love?

How do we love the power to

love?

You see, you can't just be,

you can't just try harder to

love people.

Like, try loving a selfish

spouse day in, day out, and

man, after a while, you're

going to grow hard.

Try being self-controlled day

in, day out, and you may

manage in one area, but in

other areas, you're going to

drop the ball.

Paul says to Titus, show

yourself in all respects, in

all respects, to be a model

of good works.

He says, show yourself.

That means other people need

to see something which helps

them to see that there's a

different way to live.

You know when Jesus called

his disciples, do you know

what he said?

He said, come follow me,

right?

Be with me.

Follow me.

Look at me.

See what I do.

Hear what I teach.

Look at me, right?

That's what Jesus does.

And then afterwards, he sends

out his disciples and says,

now, the world is going to

look at you, right?

If we're going to be a

Christian community of love,

you cannot be the husband

you're called to be by

yourself.

You cannot be the wife you're

called to be by yourself.

You cannot be the single you

are called to be by yourself.

You cannot be because it's too

hard by ourselves.

The only way that you can be

who God is calling you to be,

begin to be sculpted in who he

wants you to be, is when you

see that there is a love that

is greater than the love that

you've ever had.

When you see the love and the

forgiveness of a God for you

when you were at your worst

and most unlovely, and he died

for you at that point, whether

you struggle with self-control,

whether you're struggling in

marriage, you see, pornography

can't satisfy you.

Your spouse can't fulfill that

craving for love.

Everyone is always going to

disappoint you at some point,

but only Christ loves perfectly.

And you need to watch him.

You need to see him.

You need to look at him.

And as you look at what he does,

day in, day out, you think

about the cross.

As you see that, what you see

happens is this.

You begin to see how then you

treat your spouse, you treat

your friends, you treat the

people around you, and you see

the gap.

You see there's this gap.

And it causes you to come into

confession and repentance, and

you see, wow, if he could love

me that much, wow, I don't love

the people around me that much.

But then you see that when he

shows you your worst, you see,

he loves you to the stars.

And we say this every week because

it's what we need to hear every

week.

And here's the thing.

When you begin to see him, truly

see him and his love for you right

now, whatever you're going through,

then that propels you to go out and

to love the people around you you

find most difficult to love.

And you can then call other people

to look at you and say, I'm not

perfect, but here is what God is

doing in me.

Don Carson, who's a Christian

theologian, tells a story of when

he's leading a Bible study, and he

didn't know how to answer some

questions, and he had a skeptical

friend with him.

So he takes his skeptical friend with

him to see his friend Dave.

And his skeptical friend says to

him, I go to church, but I don't

believe Jesus is God.

I don't believe he really rose from

the dead.

Give me a break.

But my home is a good home.

My parents love me.

We worship God.

We do good in the community.

What do you think you have that I

don't have?

And Dave looks at him for two

minutes and says, watch me.

The guy says, what?

He says, watch me.

Watch me, Dave says.

I've got an extra bed.

Move in with me.

Be my guest.

I don't advise this necessarily, but

I'll pay for the food.

You go to your classes.

Do whatever you have to do, but

watch me.

You watch me when I get up, when I

interact with people, what I say,

what moves me, what I live for, what

I want in life.

You watch me for the rest of the

semester, and then you tell me at

the end of it whether or not there's

a difference.

The friend didn't take him up on

the offer, but he did watch him.

And you know that friend has now

become a medical missionary in

Africa because God touched his

heart through seeing the example.

Not a perfect example.

He's a messed up guy.

And that's the call if you're an

older person or if you're a younger

person.

The call is, watch me.

You and I need to be involved in

relationships with each other where

we can say to each other, watch me.

And that's scary.

Because when I think about that, I

suddenly think of all the things that I

don't want you to see in my marriage, in

my self-control, in all the other

areas.

And that's precisely the point.

Because if you want to grow, if you want

to grow, God wants to show you where

you need to grow.

And God wants us to see that he is not

looking.

See, if you think that by being a perfect

Christian, here's the thing.

We live looking as if we're good on the

outside.

We come to church.

We want everyone to see that our

marriages are fine, that our single

relationships are fine, that we're all

doing fine.

And we don't want to invite people to

see what we're really like.

Because when people see what we're

really like, what they see is actually

we're a bit of a mess.

All of us, right?

And so we keep up these pretenses.

But then what does that do, say to

everybody else?

Because everybody is watching you.

It doesn't matter whether you want them

to watch you or not.

They are.

And if all they see is somebody who's

nice and perfect and doesn't let you in

to see their lives, then all they're

going to go away thinking is Christianity

is just for people who are already

perfect.

And so if you're not a Christian and

you're struggling, you're going to say,

well, I can't go with them because how

can I?

I'm not as good as them.

But the call for us as a church is,

listen, if you've been a Christian for a while,

invite, if you're married, invite a single out for lunch.

Right?

Invite a single.

How do you think singles are going to learn about marriage?

How do you think they're not going to think Winnie the Pooh

is correct about love?

By seeing the reality of just the fact that,

you know, we're broken.

But we don't point them to ourselves.

We say, hey, I'm broken, but you know,

there's a Savior who is great.

And you know, we're working through a whole lot of stuff.

Just come and be involved in our lives.

If you're in your early 20s or your 30s,

be involved with other people who are younger than you

or who are younger spiritually than you.

Get involved in their lives.

Just let them hang out with you.

Let them see your life.

And just involve them.

We're so scared to be the people God has called us to be

because we think that we have to live up to the standard

but we fail to see that we are loved by a God

who loves us to the skies.

We don't have to pretend.

We can help each other to love

because some of us are more experienced

and we can walk along this journey together.

Let's pray.

Father, I pray that you'd help us

to see that we don't have to be perfect in our lives

but you call us to watch you first

and then to be people who others can watch

and see how confession and repentance works

and to see how our lives are called to be like you.

Please help us to be those people.

In your name.

Amen.