Marriage, Sex, and the Hope of the Gospel

This morning we are continuing our series called God's Beautiful Design, and we're looking at these areas of gender and marriage and sexuality.

These are real hot-button issues in our culture and our society.

And this morning we are looking in particular at the subject around marriage.

L.P. Hartley wrote a book called The Go-Between, and the opening lines of this book go like this.

The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.

The past is a foreign country. They do things differently there.

In other words, sometimes the past seems so radically different from what we're experiencing now, it might as well be an intercontinental move.

And even though it was just a few years ago, it's a little bit...

And I think the one area in which we're experiencing this maybe more than any other is the area of sexuality, gender, and marriage.

It feels in many ways like our culture is a T10 typhoon is moving through our culture,

and we haven't even kind of emerged to assess the aftermath, except this typhoon is not just passing through.

It's here to stay.

It's a little bit of an old example, but bear with me.

I think one example of how quickly our culture's attitude towards marriage and gender and sexuality is changing

is seen in the previous U.S. President, Barack Obama.

In 2008, he was campaigning in his first term of office, campaigned against same-sex marriage.

Four years later, campaigning for his second term, he campaigned for same-sex marriage.

And then at the end of his second term, just three years later, was threatening to withhold federal funding

from any states that didn't allow transgendered children to use the bathroom of their choice in public schools.

So here we see an example, just recently, of in a matter of just a few short years,

the cultural norms and societal attitudes towards gender and marriage and sexuality changing so radically.

Now, I'm not making a political statement at all about any of those things.

I'm just trying to make the point of how quickly our views in society are changing on these matters.

Now, it's important to know that while the past may feel like a different country,

that doesn't necessarily mean that it's always a better country.

Sometimes we can think of traditional values as maybe aligning with our own values,

and things are changing so quickly that we can think the past is good,

the future is scary and dangerous.

And that's not necessarily always the case.

There's lots about the past and even traditional values that were oppressive and restrictive,

and we should celebrate that much of that has changed.

I think one example is the persecution and the animosity,

which generally the church has attributed towards the gay community and towards women.

And we should celebrate that much of that is changing.

And the church has not always been on the right side of history.

And the Bible shows us that both conservatives and liberals,

progressives and traditionals,

both of us can be blinded by our own ideas and ideology.

And so this makes things confusing.

If things are changing so quickly,

and if both conservatives and liberals can get these things wrong,

how do we who are followers of Jesus and who love the Bible make sense of all these things?

Where do we stand?

Do we go with culture?

Do we not go with culture?

How do we make sense of this changing landscape?

Well, in Romans chapter 12, verse 2,

Romans 12:2

in the message translation, it says this,

Don't become so well adjusted to your culture that you just fit in without even thinking.

Instead, fix your attention on God.

You'll be changed from the inside out.

Readily recognize what He wants from you and quickly respond to it.

And friends, that bit of wisdom is going to help us as the tides of culture sway this way and that,

and ebb and flow, and as culture is confusing as it is,

God's wisdom about not being so readily swayed by culture,

but fixing our minds on the sovereign God who said,

I am God, I do not change,

is going to give us profound sanctity and security and wisdom,

even as culture changes so readily and so quickly.

Okay?

Don't become so adjusted to your culture that you fit in without even thinking.

Fix your attention on the sovereign God,

the God who said,

I am the Lord, I do not change,

therefore you are safe.

Malachi 3, verse 6.

Malachi 3:6

And so, sexual relations have the ability to be uniquely satisfying,

but they also have the ability to cause unprecedented pain and trauma and heartache.

And the pain and the trauma that is caused by sexual sin and brokenness is unlike anything else,

which is why we want to take the time to look at these things.

Now, for those of us that are Christians,

I hope you know that the Bible is not just a book of rules and spiritual truth and principles.

The Bible is, in fact, one big story from beginning to end.

And this story has four chapters in it, four divisions or parts to it.

And the four chapters are creation, fall, redemption, restoration.

Or another way is creation, fall, redemption, consummation.

Okay?

And so those are the four chapters or the four points of this morning's talk.

Right in the very beginning of the Bible,

the very first few pages, we start off with a wedding.

And it's the wedding of Adam and Eve, the very first people that God created.

And then if you go right to the end of the Bible,

Revelation chapter 19 and chapter 21, we see another wedding.

Revelation 19 · chapter mention

And this time it's between the ascended Christ and His bride,

which the Bible describes as the church.

If you're new to church or new to the Bible this morning,

that might sound like a strange concept.

But God describes all His people in all the earth as His church universal.

And one day we will be reunited with God.

And there will be such depth and unity of intimacy between God's people and God

that it's described as like Christ, who's a bridegroom, marrying His bride.

And so the Bible starts with a wedding and it ends with a wedding.

Ray Ortlund said it like this,

It's not as though marriage is just one theme along many themes in the Bible.

Instead, marriage is the wraparound concept for the entire biblical story,

within which all the other themes of the Bible find their place.

In other words, there's an inherent story across the Bible.

And it starts off with a bride pledged to her groom,

who then gets seduced by a lie by another lover.

And the rest of the Bible story is this groom going on an out-of-this-world adventure

to win back his bride for himself.

And the Bible story ends with their wedding.

Now friends, this is important to understand

because if we don't understand this,

so much of what we read in between the first and the last chapters of the Bible

won't make sense, right?

You read the Old Testament prophets and you think,

Why is this guy so angry?

Why is he so emotional?

He needs to just calm down a little bit

until you realize it's the passionate plea of a lover calling back his lover to himself, right?

You read the New Testament and you think,

Why is this guy taking sin so seriously?

I mean, everyone sins.

Come on.

None of us are perfect.

Until you realize that sin is like a lover that's left their spouse

and God's calling us, wooing us back to himself.

And so to make sense of the Bible,

we need to understand the story of the Bible.

Okay, so let's dive in at chapter 1, creation.

Jefferson and Betty read for us Genesis chapter 1, right?

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

Thank you, Betty, for affirming me there.

And in chapter 1, we see that God creates mankind, male and female, man and woman,

with a particular design in mind.

Now, friends, part of the trauma of our modern society

is that we've taken the design that God planned for us

and we've thrown it out the window.

And we've decided to build our lives without the designer referencing the designer.

And this is not a good idea, right?

It's much like trying to build a house or apartment blocks

without reference to the architect.

Okay, that's not going to work out well.

And so God has a design and His design for us is that we are made in His image or in His likeness.

Now, what does this mean?

What does it mean to be made in God's image?

It means that everything God asks us to do and everything He asks us to be

is rooted in the reality that we are made to reflect Him, His nature, and His glory into all creation.

This is the essence of what it means to be human, to live in a relationship with God,

to live for Him, and to live for His glory.

And so much of the confusion of our culture and our world is experiencing

is because we've rejected this design and we are confused.

We've disconnected humanity from God's design that we are made in His image for His glory and to reflect Him.

Now, what does this mean for marriage and sexuality?

Well, it means a couple of things.

It means, by design, marriage is meant to reflect God in unity and diversity.

Okay?

In unity and diversity.

So in Genesis chapter 1, we see, we get these hints that God is one God, but He's not merely one.

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

He's something more than one.

In other words, right in Genesis chapter 1, we start to get hints of the Trinity.

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

The fact that God is one, but He's three.

In chapter 1 verse 2, it says,

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

And verse 2 says,

And the Spirit of God hovered over the darkness.

We get a hint that there's something else going on here.

And then in the verse that Jefferson and Betty read to us, what does God say?

Let me make mankind in my image.

Is that what He said?

No?

What does He say?

Let us make mankind in our image.

And so in the image of God, He made them male.

In the image of God, He made them male and female.

In other words, the Trinity, which is a great mystery.

Okay?

We don't fully understand it.

Is that God is three, but He's also one.

And though this is hard to understand,

marriage in some way reflects or shows, displays the mystery of God's Trinity.

It reflects the glory of God.

And it does this in the fact that God brings two diverse human beings, male and female,

who remain male and female.

They don't lose their sex when they become married.

But in some deep spiritual way, these two become one.

Now, in the Trinity, the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are not interchangeable.

They've each got a unique role in creation and a unique role in salvation.

They're not interchangeable.

And yet, neither one is more important, more God-like, or higher than the other one.

They're all equally God.

And the same way, in marriage, is the coming together of two people

who don't just merely like each other or have the same interests.

You know, you like tennis, I like tennis, let's get married.

Now, marriage is the coming together of two people who are distinct from each other.

And yet, when they come together like God, there is a two becoming one.

There is a unity in diversity.

Does that make any sense?

Okay.

Likewise, by design, marriage, especially intimacy in marriage,

reflects God's self-giving love.

One of the most essential and important verses in the New Testament

to describe the nature and character of God is 1 John chapter 4.

1 John 4 · chapter mention

Okay?

And it says, three words,

God is love.

Okay?

Not that God is loving or that God shows love to His people, but God is love.

Now, how can the Bible say that God is love?

What does that mean?

Well, when you take the three persons of the Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,

the fundamental essence of their relationship is characterized by mutual self-giving,

selflessness, and servant-hearted towards one another.

It's this selfless love they give of themselves to one another.

And it's this aspect of God's nature and His character which marriage most clearly is designed to represent an image,

to reflect God in His glory in His initiating self-giving love to the other person.

Think of the greatest commands in the Bible, right?

Remember one day a young man comes to Jesus and he says,

Rabbi, what is the most important command?

And Jesus says, get married and have sex, right?

No, He doesn't say that.

What does He say?

He says, love the Lord your God and love other people.

Why is this the most important command in the Bible?

You'd think of the way our culture thinks about sexuality,

that relationships and intimacy would be the most important thing.

But Jesus says, the most important thing is to love God and love others.

Why?

Because that's when we're fully human.

That's the way that God has designed us,

is that we're most alive, we're most like God,

when we are selfless and self-giving of ourselves and pour out our love for one another.

This is the essence of what it means to be human,

that we are most like our maker, most alive and most imaging God,

when we pour ourselves out in loving God and loving each other.

Because we are made in His image,

all people, particularly in marriage,

God's design is that it's built on the principle of not consuming love,

but giving love.

One of the ways that we do this,

that we pour out ourselves for our spouses and one another,

is that we love our spouses by helping them to love and see Jesus more.

As Francis Chan said,

we help prepare our spouses for eternity.

God doesn't give us marriage to make me happy,

but that I can help my wife or my spouse become more like Jesus.

Friends, is your spouse more in love with Jesus?

Is he or she more secure in His love?

Is he or she more grateful for grace,

more thankful for His mercy,

more worshipful in His presence?

God's design is that marriage is for two people to come together,

not to consume love,

but to give love to one another.

And then finally,

marriage by design is meant to reflect God's forgiveness and His grace.

Remember, in the book of Jeremiah,

God reminds His people,

and He says,

Remember how God has said to you,

I've loved you with an everlasting love.

I've drawn you in with an unfailing kindness.

Now, we don't need to read far in the Bible

to recognize that the way we reciprocated God's unfailing kindness towards us

was with self-centeredness and self-glory.

And that's the cause for so much heartache and pain.

And yet, the glory of God shines through

and is never-ending, never-giving up,

always and forever love.

And so, Psalm 103 says,

The Lord is merciful and gracious,

slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

He does not deal with us as our sins deserve,

nor repay us according to our iniquities.

And in many ways, the permanency of marriage,

the fact that at your wedding vows,

you say,

Until death do us part,

that I will look over your sin,

that I won't hold your sin against you,

the fact that I forgive you and extend grace for you,

is a reflection and imaging of God's amazing steadfast love for us.

You see, in many ways,

marriage is meant to be like a picture, right?

A photograph.

And it's a picture of who God is,

His incessant, unending love.

But it's also a picture of His profound love for us,

His covenant people,

for those who have come to know Him

and be in relationship with Him.

But it's also a picture of,

for those who know God,

the depth of intimacy

that they will one day experience in heaven

when we do get to know God.

And sex and sexual intimacy in the context of marriage

is a picture of the oneness and the unity

and the intensely beautiful and intimacy,

intimate relationship that God's people

will one day have with Him in heaven.

Now, what does that mean for us?

Because, let me say it this way.

At my desk in our room,

I've got a picture of the family, right?

And Claire and the three girls.

And it's a picture,

and when they are not there,

it shows me how amazing they are,

beautiful they are.

But I don't fall in love with the picture.

The picture is just merely a picture

of a greater reality.

I don't, on my anniversary,

go and take that picture out for dinner

and just say thank you for what an amazing picture you are.

These last 10 years have been really wonderful.

And I'm just looking forward to the next 10 years

of me and you together at the desk, right?

The picture is just a picture.

But marriage is the real thing.

Now, in many ways,

what God is saying is that marriage is just a picture.

It's a picture of a far more deep and profound reality,

which is who God is,

which is His deep, covenantal,

never-ending, faithful promise to us, His people.

But it's also a picture of the reality

that we will one day experience

when we get to heaven, to be with Him.

Now, what does this mean?

Well, it means that we take marriage

and we take sex and marriage very seriously.

Very important.

Marriage is a picture of who God is.

And it's a picture of His profound covenant with His people.

So we take marriage very seriously.

This is why divorce and casual sexual relationships

are so serious,

because it's a misrepresentation of God

and His love and His glory.

And so when we don't take marriage seriously,

in a way, it's like defacing this image.

It's like saying,

drawing a picture on the image and defacing it.

We take marriage very seriously.

But at the same time,

it means we don't take marriage too seriously,

because it's just the picture.

It's not reality.

It's not the end for which we were made.

It's as if life and meaning are found in marriage.

As if being single somehow means you're subhuman

or your life is not fully fulfilled.

Marriage is a picture,

but in the end, it's only a picture.

It's not the ultimate reality for which you were made.

There is a true and a better and ultimate reality

which awaits those who come into this covenant relationship with Christ.

Friends, if you're here this morning

and you're not a Christian,

you're not a believer,

can I urge you to see that all the pleasures in this world

and all the pleasures for which your body craves

and all the sexual pleasures which your body desires

are merely pictures,

merely photographs of what could be yours

if you are in Christ.

Friends, that's why,

that's what Jesus is offering you this morning.

And that's why I want you to become a Christian.

That's why I want you to turn from sin

and to find ultimate hope and ultimate joy

in the person of Jesus Christ.

That's why I want to beg you this morning

to turn away from false idols that don't really satisfy

and come to the true satisfaction

which is Jesus Christ himself.

Marriage and sex is never going to fulfill you,

but Jesus Christ is at my right hands

of pleasures forevermore.

And so come to Jesus this morning.

Come to Jesus this morning.

Okay, so all of that is creation.

Chapter one, creation.

By design, God designed that marriage

is a picture of unity and diversity.

By design, marriage is a picture

of the selfless, self-giving love of God in us.

And by design, God has pictured

that marriage should reflect his forgiveness

and his grace towards his people.

Okay, chapter two, the fall.

Now, in Genesis chapter three,

which we all, actually chapter three,

which we read this morning,

the world took a dark turn

and Adam and Eve sin against God.

And the way that sin enters the world

is through a lie.

But it's a lie that's big enough

to reframe and reinterpret all of reality.

And to this day, this lie still colors

everything in which we see in the world.

It affects you and it affects me.

Remember, what does Satan say

to Adam and Eve in the garden?

Okay, what is the first question he asks?

He says, what did God say?

Can you eat anything?

And Eve says, God has told us not to eat,

in fact, not to even touch

of this tree in the middle of the garden.

For if we do so, we will die.

Okay, and what does Satan say back to Eve?

Can you remember?

He says, you will not die.

For God told you this, why?

Because God does not want you to be like him.

Okay, so after questioning God's word,

Satan then questions God's character

and his goodness.

He's saying, God is insecure.

He doesn't want you to be like him.

He doesn't want you to know him.

He doesn't want your eyes to be opened

and to see things as they really are.

Satan, in verse six,

it tells us that Adam and Eve buy this lie,

the lie that God is not good,

that God doesn't have your best interests at heart,

and that if you want, you can be like God.

And friends, what Satan was offering humanity

is not just to reflect God's glory,

but actually to own a piece of the glory themselves.

Okay, do you see that?

He says, God doesn't want you to be like him.

Friends, that temptation is the essence

of every other temptation.

And temptation, when Satan comes to us,

is not just a distortion of some petty rule in the Bible,

like we broke rule three, subsection two,

subsection A of the Bible constitution.

When we sin, it's not just breaking some petty rule.

Actually, temptation is a distortion

of the nature and the character of who God is.

It's a distortion of who you are,

what it means to be human,

and it's a distortion of our relationship with God.

You see, when we sin,

it's not just that we've got some black mark

against our name on the school teacher's report.

It actually distorts our view of reality,

and it changes us.

And one of the ways that sin distorts reality

is that we now tend to view our identity

in terms of marriage and sexuality.

Before the fall, we were God's children.

We were made to experience God's love

and to enjoy His love

and to be caught up in His love,

delighting in His glory,

imaging this to the world around us.

But now, because of sin,

we are cut off on the reality of God's love

and His intimacy.

And now we only have the image.

We've got the picture.

We've got the photograph.

But we can't even see or understand the picture properly

because, as Augustine said,

sin causes us to what?

Be turned in on ourselves.

And so now, instead of sex and marriage

being the ultimate expression of God's self-giving love to us,

a picture of how we don't pursue our own interests,

but we pursue the interests of others,

now sex and marriage are viewed as self-validation

for our hurting identity.

Does that make sense?

So God's design for marriage and sexuality is

you pour yourself out to please another.

You give of yourself for well-being

and the benefit of the other.

But now, because sin causes us to turn in on ourselves,

we view relationships and marriage and sexuality as,

how can I please myself?

How can I fulfill myself?

How can I make myself happy at the expense of another?

Friends, the irony and the tragedy of this

is that this makes us even more insecure

and more invalidated than ever.

The more we use people and sexual experiences

to fill the void in our own hearts

and to validate us and affirm us,

actually, the more insecure we become

and the more invalidated we become.

Because no human being was meant to fill

that void in our heart.

In our heart.

It's like drinking salty seawater

to trying to quench the thirst in your body, right?

Not realizing that by drinking that water,

you're actually starving your body

of the liquids that you need.

And so the more thirsty you become,

the more seawater you drink to try and quench that thirst.

And that's what happens when we use sexuality

and marriage and relationships to validate ourselves.

In doing so, we actually cause ourselves

to be more insecure and to feel more invalidated.

And that's why we live in such an overly sexualized world.

Because we're addicted to the drug of self-validation,

not realizing that it actually undermines

the validation that we seek.

And so the fall, the sin,

causes us to be turned in on ourselves

and to now use relationships

rather than to pour ourselves out for relationships.

Well, what does this look like?

Well, the first thing it does

is marriage now has become self-serving

rather than self-giving.

I remember when I first became a pastor

seven or eight years ago,

I used to do a lot of weddings.

And at first I used to tell people,

you can write your own wedding vows, right?

It's your wedding day, you say what you want.

And I thought this was such a good idea

until I quickly realized this was a terrible idea.

And so I quickly stopped that

and I made people say the vows that I wrote for them, okay?

And the reason was because of the terrible nature of those vows.

People would stand up and say things like,

you are the stardust on my magic carpet, right?

Or I promise to be the sunshine on your flower patch, okay?

Or I promise to love you more than I love sushi

or to make your heart sing like the birds in the morning, right?

Friends, that's not a wedding vow.

That's a Valentine's card, okay?

Valentine's Day card.

That's what Disney make movies about.

But a real wedding vow, a marriage vow

is something like I promise to love you.

I promise to serve you.

I promise to put your interests before my own.

I promise to put your desires before my own.

Whether I am comfortable or not,

for better or for worse.

Whether I feel sick or whether I feel healthy.

Whether I have lots of money

or whether I've got no money.

Whether it makes me rich or not.

I promise to pour out my life for you

to help you become the person God's called you to be.

To help you see God's glory.

To help you love Jesus more

so that you can become more like Him.

That's a wedding vow.

But we don't say those vows anymore, right?

We talk about sunshine on our flower patch

and sushi and stardust

and nonsense like that, right?

Why?

Because romance and sex and relationships

have become about us.

About what you can do for me.

And ironically, this actually destroys the intimacy

and the relationship that we actually desire.

When we use somebody else

or we see somebody else's hard to please me

or fulfill my pleasures,

it destroys the trust and the vulnerability

that actually a true intimacy desires

or needs to flourish.

I remember last year

when we were living in Cape Town,

there was a young lady, late 20s,

who was a pretty strong atheist,

didn't believe in God at all,

and became a Christian.

She had a dramatic encounter with God.

One night she goes to bed,

not believing God exists.

The next morning she wakes up,

has this encounter with God,

believes in Jesus,

confesses her sin,

and there in her house on her own

becomes a believer.

And her whole life changed dramatically in one day.

And so a few months later,

I'm talking to her about her conversion

and I'm asking her what happened.

And she said something amazing.

She said,

you know,

I've always lived with my boyfriends

and slept with my boyfriends.

And as much as I love them

and they love me,

at the back of my mind

was always this lingering question.

Do you love me for my body

or do you love me for me?

Do you love me?

Are you in this relationship

because I'm giving myself to you

and I'm pleasing you sexually?

Or are you in this relationship

because you really want to serve me

and are pleased for me?

And friends,

that's what sin does.

When sin causes us

to be turned in on ourselves,

relationships and sexual intimacy

now and pleasure

become about us,

about what my partner can do for me.

And what this means

is that any relationship

that's built on sexual intimacy

and the pleasure of sexual experiences,

rather than a commitment

to serve the other person,

is destined to fail.

Because sexual intimacy and pleasure

is not the essence,

it's the foundation of a relationship.

Selfless giving of yourself

to the other person is.

And that's one of the dangers

of being involved with someone sexually

before your marriage

or cohabitating,

living with someone.

Especially if you're trying to work out,

is this relationship

going to go the distance?

Is this going to work?

Because the pleasure

and the desires

and the height of emotional experiences

that sex produces

gives you a skewed view

of the relationship.

You think,

I so love this person

and they so love me.

We were made for each other.

But it's built

on a shaky foundation.

It's built on a house of sand.

It's a house of sand.

It's a house built on sand.

And it's only a matter of time

before it's destined to fail.

Friends,

in our city,

there are millions

and millions of people

who every day

are buying the lie

that says life

and love

and fulfillment

are found

in having sexual experiences.

But friends,

it's a lie.

It's like drinking

seawater,

thinking it's going

to quench your thirst.

And it's actually

going to dry you up

and leave you more lonely,

more dissatisfied

than ever before.

Secondly,

marriage becomes

about scorekeeping

rather than gracious

self-giving.

I'll do this quickly.

I remember

just before I got married

listening to Dr. Ravi Zacharias

and he said something

and I thought,

speak for yourself, buddy.

That's not going to happen

in my marriage.

Right?

And this is what he said.

When you first get married,

as a guy,

you love serving your wife.

Your wife needs anything

and you jump up

to help her.

Right?

She has a little cough

in the night

and you jump up

and you get a glass

of water for her

and you bring it

to her side.

And five years later,

you hear the kids

crying in the middle

of the night

and you just fast

and you pretend

you fast asleep.

Or you think to yourself,

I got up last time,

I'm pretty sure

it's her turn

this time.

Right?

And I thought,

that's not going

to happen to me.

Friends,

ten years later,

that's exactly

what's happening.

Right?

Love,

I just want to say

I'm so sorry

for all the times

I've pretended

to be asleep.

When sin causes us

to be turned

in on ourselves

and we think of marriage

as a way of self-serving,

not self-giving.

Finally,

let me say this.

Sin causes marriage

or the problem

with this is

it causes us

to misrepresent

God's love.

You see,

by representing

a false view

of God's covenantal love,

we actually tell

the world

that God's love

is something central,

something self-focused,

something that we use

for our own means

rather than

the extravagant love

that it really is.

And unfortunately,

that's exactly

what has happened.

Inside the church

and outside the church,

we view God's love

as something selfish,

something that we view

God's love as

God only loves us

as long as we serve Him.

God only loves us

as long as we come

to the party.

And we've completely

misrepresented

the extravagant,

radically generous,

always and forever,

incessant,

never-ending

love that God's love

really is.

And for those of us

that are not Christians

this morning,

I want to just say

that maybe one of the reasons

why you're not a Christian

is because you're interested

in the person of Jesus

but as you've looked

at His followers,

their lives

and especially

our sexual lives

and our relationship lives

don't represent

anything different

from the world.

And maybe we've represented

to you that God's love

is something sensual

and self-seeking.

And friends,

if that's you,

I want to say

we are so sorry.

I want to say

our testimony

is not true.

We have misrepresented

the profundity

of God's love.

Don't look at our lives

and our selfishness

and think that

that's what God is like.

God's love

is exceedingly abundantly

far more profound

than that.

Can I ask you

to forgive us

and forgive us

for our self-centeredness.

Come and know Jesus.

He's far better

than we'll ever represent.

So all of this

is the four.

Okay?

God designed us

to represent Him

and image Him.

God designed that

marriage and sexuality

is a picture

of the selfless,

self-giving love

and yet the sin

caused us

to be turned in ourselves

and now we use

marriage and relationships

to serve ourselves

rather than serve the other.

The question is

is there any hope?

Well, chapter 3,

redemption.

At the end of Genesis

Genesis 3 · chapter mention

chapter 3

and onwards

for the rest of the Bible,

the story of the Bible

is the consequences of sin,

the consequences of the fall,

but it's God's redeeming love

and the great rescue plan

that God goes on

to redeem us

from the fall.

You see,

the effects of sin

are far-reaching.

They affect every area

of our life.

They affect our finances.

They affect our marriages.

They affect our singleness.

They affect our sexuality.

They affect our work life.

Sin causes us

to be turned in on ourselves

and affects every area

of our lives.

But Jesus

did far more

than just come

and forgive us

of one or two

individual sins.

Jesus came to redeem us

and to heal

the brokenness

that is a result of sin.

Jesus came to reverse

the effects

of the fall

from creation.

And he starts off

by redeeming

and rescuing our hearts.

And the way that Jesus

in the gospel

gives us hope

in the midst of our

broken and hurting world

is threefold.

Firstly,

Jesus comes

and he gives you

a new name

and he gives you

a new identity.

So in the Bible,

whenever one of God's people

has a dramatic

encounter with God,

God gives them

a new name, right?

Think Abram

becomes Abraham.

Think Jacob,

which means the cheat,

becomes Israel,

which means one

who has wrestled

with God.

Simon,

which means little stone,

becomes Peter,

the rock.

And of course,

Saul,

the guy who wanted

to kill all the Christians,

meets Jesus

and becomes renamed

Paul.

Now,

in Isaiah chapter 62,

Isaiah 62 · chapter mention

there's an amazing passage

about how

when God

comes to his people

to rescue

and redeem

and heal them

and restore them,

he renames them.

Look at what

Isaiah chapter 62

Isaiah 62 · chapter mention

says.

He says,

when I come

and meet you,

the nations

will see your righteousness,

all the kings

of the earth

will see your glory

and you will be called

by a new name

and the name

that the Lord

will give you,

a name that the Lord

will give you.

You will no longer

be called forsaken,

you will now be called

my delightful one.

For just as the bridegroom

rejoices over his bride,

so the Lord your God

will rejoice over you.

Friends,

where sin causes us

to be turned in

on ourselves

and because of the

powerful bonding

nature of sex,

the distortion

that sin causes

is that it

takes God's good gift

and it turns it

into a tool

for much pain

and much hurt.

But Jesus Christ

came to dismantle

the lie

that we believed

in the garden

and he comes

and he speaks

a true and a better

word for us.

He dismantles

the lie that says

God is not good

and you can't trust him.

He dismantles

the lie that says

God is only

looking after himself

and he dismantles

the lie that says

you can be your own God

and Jesus Christ

comes and he

tells us

that the self-worth

and the validation

that we look for

as humans

is not found

horizontally.

It's not found

in our spouse

or in society

or what people

think of us.

It's not found

in our sex appeal.

It's not found

in the affirmation

or the generosity

of even a spouse's wife.

Jesus Christ

comes and tells us

that our affirmation

and identity

is found

in who we are

in Christ

and what Christ

says about us.

It's found

in delighting

in Christ

and Christ's

delight in us.

Friends,

Jesus comes

to those who trust him

and he promises

to be a redeeming lover.

He promises

to be a lover

that rescues us

out of our own

sinfulness

and to restore us

and to make us new.

And Jesus comes

and he gives us

a new name.

He gives us

a new identity.

Friends,

where sin

and the fall

of the world

tells you

that you are a nobody,

Jesus comes

and he calls you

his beloved.

Friends,

where sin

and brokenness

and the effects

of the world

tell you

that you are ordinary

and unloved,

Jesus says,

I chose you

before the foundation

of the world

to set my love

upon you.

Friends,

where sin

and the brokenness

of the world

calls you shamed

and dirty

and used,

Jesus calls you

cleansed

and righteous

in his sight

if you are in Jesus.

Friends,

where sin

and the brokenness

and the fall

of the world

tell you

that your worth

and your identity

are found

in what men

think of you

or what women

think of you,

Christ says,

you are his

and he delights

in you.

And friends,

the love of Jesus

is so steady

and it's so rock solid

because he doesn't

love you

because of what he sees

in your heart,

he loves you

because of what he sees

in his heart.

And that is unshakable.

It's not going to change.

Jesus doesn't love us

because of the goodness

he sees in us

but because of the overflow

of the love

in his own heart

towards us.

And so Jesus gives us

a new name

and he gives you

a new identity.

Second thing he gives you

is this.

He gives you a new nature.

He actually changes us

from the inside.

The book of Colossians

is all about

this new identity

that God gives us

when we're united

with Christ.

And Paul tells

these new Christians

in Colossians

in Colossians

that their new self,

their new identity

is being renewed

in knowledge

after the image

of its creator.

Okay, so think about that.

He says,

when you come to Christ

you're being renewed

in knowledge,

understanding

after the image

of your creator.

In other words,

as the gospel

gets deeper

into our heads,

as in our hearts

we understand more

of who Jesus is,

how glorious he is,

what he's done

on the cross

and the reversing

effects of sin,

God actually starts

to change us

on the inside

to make us more

like him.

Okay,

in 2 Corinthians

he says it like this.

He says,

a Christian is someone

who's being changed

into the likeness

or the image

of God.

Now remember

in Genesis chapter 1

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

what did God say?

He said,

let us make mankind

in our image

or our likeness.

Okay,

our image

and our likeness.

Now in Corinthians

Paul writes,

a Christian

is someone

who's encountered

Jesus

and is being changed

in the image

and the likeness

of God.

In other words,

a Christian

is somebody

who's encountered

God

and God starts

to reverse

the effects of sin

and make us

once again

like he designed us

in the garden

of Eden.

And he's changing us

from one degree

of glory

to another.

So friends,

a Christian

is someone

who because

of the supernatural

experiential work

of God

in our hearts

is someone

who's becoming

more secure

in God's love,

more secure

in the gospel

and as a result

is becoming

more like Jesus

in life,

in love,

in character,

identity

and in purpose.

Friends,

the good news

of Jesus

is he didn't

just come and say,

oh I see

you've broken

another one

of the rules,

I'll forgive you

this time

but let me help you

not to break

the rules again.

Friends,

Jesus comes

and he takes out

our heart of stone

which is self-centered

and self-seeking

and he gives us

a new heart

after his own nature

and his own character,

a heart which resembles him

and he gives us

a new disposition

and he gives us

the Holy Spirit

to live inside of us

and he empowers us

to say no

to self-centeredness,

to say no

to the lie

of the devil

and to say yes

to Jesus

and to say yes

to becoming

more like him.

And he therefore

sets us free

from the destructive

patterns of behavior

which have marked

so many of our lives.

Friends,

the road that Christ

calls us to walk

is a long,

slow,

messy road

of becoming

more like Jesus.

And sometimes

there's ups

and sometimes

there's downs.

Sometimes there's victory

and we overcome sin

and sometimes

there's defeats.

Sometimes there's good moments,

sometimes there's painful moments.

But for those of us

who know Christ,

it's a road of slowly,

steadily

becoming more like him.

God changes our nature

to become more like him.

And friends,

that is unbelievably good news.

Remember Chris shared

the story last week

of a friend of his

who said,

I wish I could become like you

but I'm addicted

to my own desires.

Friends,

Jesus changes our desires.

He makes us more like him.

He sets us free.

Some of us want to be free

from pornography

and we cannot do it

on our own.

Jesus comes to change us

and our desires

and our addictions.

He sets us free.

Jesus gives us a new nature.

And then the last thing is this.

He gives us hope for sinners.

Friends,

some of us,

if we're honest,

have such a stained

and a checkered past

and a history of relationships

that we cannot bear the thought

of anybody finding out

what we've done.

And some of us

maybe here this morning

we think,

if anybody in this room

found out what I've done,

where I've been,

who I've been with,

you would kick me out

of this church straight away.

Friends,

I'm here to tell you this morning

that the message of the gospel

is that you are far worse

than you think you are.

And your situation

is far more hopeless

than you think it is.

And you are far more lost

than you actually think you are.

But I'm also here to tell you

that what's true of you

is true of everyone

in this room.

That every single person

in this room

is a sinner

who has fallen short

of God's astounding glory

and therefore stands condemned.

But I'm also here

to tell you

that the wonderful,

extravagant good news

of Jesus on the cross

is that if you are in Christ,

you are extravagantly loved

and chosen by God

before the world

was even made.

Before you were even conceived

in your mother's womb.

If you are in Christ,

God chose you

to pour His love out upon you.

Jesus hung on the cross for you

and as He died,

He said,

the debt has been paid in full.

That is the hope of the gospel.

That though the situation

is worse than we think it is,

it's far more better

than we will ever think it is

because of Jesus.

Friends,

I don't know what you've done,

but if you come to Christ

in faith and repentance,

the blood of Jesus

which was shed on the cross

for you and for me

has a final

and a better word

over our sin.

And it stills the accusations

of the devil.

And when the devil comes

and lies and accuses you,

there's a better word

that says,

not guilty

because my blood

has been shed.

That is the hope

of the gospel.

This is Christ's redemption,

chapter three.

Finally,

chapter four,

the consummation.

We come out to close.

The final chapter

of the Bible

is called the consummation,

which is ironic

because we think of

consummating a wedding,

right?

Yes,

in some ways,

sex is an amazing picture

of what heaven

will one day be like.

A blissful union

of God's people

and God

for all eternity.

Marriage and sex

in some ways

in our world

is a faded

black and white picture

of the glories

of heaven

and what it's going

to be like.

That those who are

in Christ,

this blissful,

intimate relationship

between us

and God

for all eternity.

Revelation 21

says that

when Christ comes,

he will bring

his bride

back to himself

for the house

that he's been

preparing for us.

Think of how

every Disney movie

ends, right?

How does every

fairy tale story end?

And they lived

happily ever after.

Friends,

there's one fairy tale story

which is not a fairy tale.

We really will live

with our spouse,

the lover of our souls,

happily ever after

in all eternity

with him.

Friends,

in this lifetime

you may never

get married.

Maybe you've been

married and you've

suffered a difficult

marriage.

Maybe you've suffered

the trauma of a marriage

coming undone.

Maybe you've been

in an abusive marriage.

Maybe you've been

in a loveless marriage.

Maybe you've been

in a marriage

where your spouse

has spoken words

of you that have

wounded so deeply.

Friends,

regardless of who

you are today,

if you trust in Christ

one day,

very, very soon,

there is coming

the perfect husband,

the perfect spouse

who will bring you

back to himself,

who will love you

more fully

and more completely

and more tenderly

than any human being

could ever.

Who will love you

so deeply

that you'll get to enjoy

the reality

of the perfect marriage.

Not just a copy

of it here on earth.

Not just a faded

black and white image.

The reality,

the real thing

for all time

in all perfection.

Happily ever after.

And friends,

that's why our hope

is not in marriage.

Our hope is not in sex.

Our hope is not in

finding the perfect spouse,

having the perfect marriage,

having the perfect sex life

or being married.

Our hope is in Jesus Christ

who died on the cross.

Our hope is in the one

who came to reverse

the effects of sin

and the fall.

Our hope is in the one

who has chosen us

in him

and is calling us

back to himself.

Our hope is in the person

of the Lord Jesus Christ.

And so on that note,

let's pray.

Lord Jesus Christ,

oh how desperately

we need you.

God, we need you today

to affirm us

and to validate us.

We need you today, God,

to counter the lies

of the devil,

who tells us

that you are not good

and you are not trustworthy,

who tell us

that we can own

a piece of our own glory

if only we'll

follow our own desires.

Oh God,

won't you come

and speak a true

and better word

to our hearts?

God, won't you come

and heal

and restore

where sin has

hurt us

and destroyed us?

Jesus,

won't you come

and open our eyes

to see how glorious

you are?

God, we do pray

for healing

and restoration

where we've been hurt.

We do pray

for a miracle, God.

God, we do pray

that you come

and fill the longings

of our hearts,

those that are married

and those that are not married,

those that are enjoying marriage

and those for whom marriage

is difficult.

For every one of us,

Christ, come and be first

in our hearts, we pray.

Come and be center.

Jesus, come and pour

your transcendent glory

into our hearts

and open our eyes

to see you

and to love you.

Come and draw us

closer to yourself,

we pray.