Husband and Wife in Christian Marriage

Father, we confess that sometimes we are afraid of your word, and we don't maybe even want to acknowledge it, but we're afraid of it.

And sometimes, Father, we take great delight, glee, in your word because we think it gives us powers that it doesn't.

Because we want power, we want to be the center.

So, Father, you know the true state of our hearts, and you know the true state of our lives.

And we know that you love us, that Jesus is our Savior and Lord for all who put their faith and trust in him.

And so we ask that the Holy Spirit would fall with might and power and deep conviction as we open your word.

Father, bring your word to the very center of who we are.

And this we ask in Jesus' name. Amen.

Please be seated.

Amen.

So, one of the things, if you read any book on how to preach or anything like that, one of the things they talk about in preaching is that you have to begin your sermon pretty well right away with something that's going to grab people.

Like, within the first minute, you need to do something to grab people's attention and grant them a type of either tension or curiosity to enter into the sermon.

And today, all I have to do is this.

And I know I meant it to be funny, but I mean, it's a very serious issue, right, in terms of Canada.

All I have to do is say, today, you turn in your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22, and the opening sentence is,

Ephesians 5:22

wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

And instantly, I've got curiosity.

Instantly, I've got tension effortlessly right off the bat.

So, here's the thing.

I mean, we all laughed, and I meant to get a bit of a laugh, but it's very serious.

The fact of the matter is, is that you can just imagine what it would be like if on Monday, if those of you who work somewhere,

if you got all your co-workers together and said you'd like to share this text with them,

if I was to gather all the people in the coffee shop, and it wouldn't matter if it was a hipster coffee shop,

Tim Hortons, sort of the opposite end of hipster, or Starbucks to hipsters, the opposite end of hipster as well,

second cup, who goes to second cup, and if you're just to go and gather people up and read this text,

there'd be all sorts of tension in the room.

In fact, for many people, for many women in particular, but often for men,

there'd be actually a type of physical pain and shock that such a text would be read.

Like, there'd be actual shock and maybe pain and fear that such a text would be read.

And if they didn't do just the normal Canadian thing, saying whatever and trying to be polite,

but if they actually engaged with you, I mean, amongst other things, people would say to me,

George, don't you think a text like this is unbelievably dangerous?

Like, don't you think this text will lead to abuse?

In fact, some people would say, George, if people believe this text, women will die.

In fact, we'll be lucky if all that happens is that they end up in the emergency room,

because women will die if you have a text like this and try to get people to believe it.

That it's shocking that in an age when women can be fighters, pilots, and run nations,

and run billion, multi-billion dollar corporations,

that in an age like that, this, that a text like this would even be read without being read

and then being mocked or saying that it should be discarded.

And that's basically how most Canadians and most North Americans would view the text.

In fact, probably, especially if I was to do it in a coffee shop where I was familiar,

one of the questions would ask me is this.

They'd probably say, George, do you believe this?

And it would be like that, do you believe this?

Like, surely you don't believe this.

And if I said I did, there'd be, whoa, whoa.

Right? That's the world we live in.

That's the world we live in.

So, what are we going to do with all of this?

Well, what I'm going to do is I'm going to begin by telling you

what many, many Christians in North America do about a text like this.

And they're well-meaning, and I might also, I might in fact be describing some of you here in this room.

Well-meaning people, well-meaning Christians, very conscious of how this text is viewed in the world.

And so, how do they do?

What they do is they do this.

They go, in fact, many people who, many Canadian Christians would even right off the bat say,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Time out, George.

You didn't begin the text in the right spot.

Like, what on earth are you doing?

Like, you should have begun not with verse 22, where it says, wives, submit to your husbands.

You should have begun with verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

And what would happen in many Christian churches, many pulpits, including many evangelical and charismatic churches,

is they would do something like this.

They would say, well, George, verse 21 is before verse 22.

And verse 21 gives the general principle about how Christians are to relate to each other.

And the general way that Christians are to relate to each other is that they're to learn how to submit to one another.

And so, therefore, that's what governs this text.

That's the big idea, rather than just picking on husbands and wives.

And then they would say something like this.

They'd say, but because you see what's going on, is there some type of local problem that's going on in Ephesus?

And then they'll begin to tell you the local problem that was going on in Ephesus.

And then they'd say, so given that there's this local problem going on in Ephesus,

and Paul is giving advice for a very particular problem,

therefore what we need to do now here in Ottawa in 2019 is we need to understand that this is the text that everybody has to follow.

And the other text, 22 to 33, is just talking about a local thing which no longer applies.

Now, here's the thing. It's very, very well-meaning.

But the problem is there is no local situation in Ephesus like what they're talking about.

Like it doesn't exist.

I don't want to offend some of you, and some of you might come up and give me some books.

And in the books show me how archaeologists say this.

But fundamentally, there is no particular situation like this that gets you around the problem of the text.

The second thing is that at the level of the original language,

and it's shown in most modern Bible translations,

the reason that whole new section begins at verse 22 is because verses 15 to 21 is one sentence in Greek.

It's not as if it's a series.

In English Bibles, because English doesn't usually work in that way,

that you can have such long sentences.

So what happens is there's a whole lot of sentences,

and they'll make this look like the beginning of a new sentence,

and then they'll want to put this.

But at the original language, 15 to 21 is one long sentence.

And in fact, actually, I can tell you another thing.

Sorry, time out.

Geek moment for grammar nerds.

Okay.

In that long sentence, the submitting to one another in Christ,

it's a third of three participles, and there's a governing noun, and it's verse 18.

So there's the governing noun, and then three instances of what the governing verb, and blah, blah.

In other words, 21 is really connected to that sentence,

and it's not a brand new sentence that should begin a new paragraph.

End of grammar geek moment.

The other problem with the well-meaning way to try to get around the text,

because you see, really what happens is they use verse 21 to deconstruct or make verses 20.

Another way to put it is they use 21 to deconstruct verses 22 to 33,

or a better way to put it is they use verse 21 to make verses 22 to 33 disappear.

But the problem is that Paul doesn't make reference to, let's say, something like head coverings,

which you might wonder then if it's referring to something a bit more local.

The fact of the matter is that Paul grounds all of his argument in the fact that Jesus died for sinners,

that Jesus is Savior and Lord, and the book of Genesis chapter 2, which is in creation.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

In other words, things which aren't local but are, in fact, universal and fundamental to the Christian faith.

So it's a well-meaning attempt to deal with it, but it's not right.

And so for some of you, your answer to all that will be, ouch.

George, you just made the problem worse.

You haven't helped the problem at all.

You have made it worse.

You're saying that this text is something universal that applies to husbands and wives in Ottawa in 2019.

So here's my first brief point.

And this is going to make you even more worried about me, but I thought I'd get it right out.

I think the Bible's teaching on marriage is wise.

This is obviously not the only text on marriage in the Bible.

I'm not going to try to pretend it is, but I think this teaching on marriage is very wise when it's properly understood.

And I know there's lots of fear and anxiety around the text, but I think we've got to walk towards it because the teaching is wise.

And I hope by your prayers that I can show you that, in fact, it is very wise for Christians to understand and to walk towards.

So let's start walking towards it.

Let's get back to our text.

So Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 to 24.

Ephesians 5:22–24

The way the text is structured is the first three verses talk to wives.

Then I think it's eight verses that talk to husbands.

And then there's a concluding verse that talks to husbands and wives together.

Maybe it's three and nine and one.

I can't remember just off the top.

But you can see there's almost three times more time he spends talking to husbands than there will be to wives.

But let's look at what it says here.

Verse 22, wives, submit to your own husbands.

Another translation is, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior.

Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in all things to their husbands.

So you can see my first point that I mentioned a little bit earlier, that the fact the text is going to ground it not in something that we might say,

that sounds like it's a bit of a unique issue, but something very, very fundamental.

Christ is the head of the church, that Christ is the savior, that the church, the real church, the invisible church, is his body.

It's grounded in something which is not local, but in fact something which is universal.

And the fact of the matter is, is submit is the word in the original language.

It's not that we can sort of do around it.

It's important now as we started to try to gently look into this text, is that it doesn't say wives submit to men.

It doesn't say wives submit to, yeah, it doesn't say wives submit to men.

It says wives submit to your own husbands.

In other words, this is a text that Louise would have to read,

understanding that it's referring to how she relates to me,

and not how she relates to other men.

It's just to her own husband.

Just as, in a moment, it's a text that will be referring to me

in terms of how I relate to my wife, Louise, not to all other women.

But it's still very, very stark and very, very shocking in Canada.

In fact, some of you might say, many Canadians would say in the coffee shop

that I've actually made it worse.

Once again, there's no out and dodge around the word submit.

It says what it says, and it's very stark.

It's a strong exhortation repeated twice.

Wives submit to your own husbands.

So wives, in verse 24, should submit in all things to their husbands.

The text actually makes it worse.

Now, it looks as if I've made it worse.

But actually, it's only when we actually start to really look at the text

that we start to notice that the text, that Paul, that the Bible does something

which is unbelievably odd.

And it's such an odd thing that happens.

And let's be frank.

There is a problem with patriarchy.

There is a problem with patriarchy.

It's not an imagined problem.

It might not be as extensive as some people would say, but it's a problem.

And many times, Christians, especially those who are known as evangelicals,

one of the great weaknesses of their thinking is that they talk as if patriarchy is not ever a problem,

just as they'll talk as if social class isn't a problem or racism isn't a problem.

They refuse.

We refuse to acknowledge that these are real things, real issues, real problems,

prejudice, discrimination, racism, anti-Semitism, patriarchy.

These are real problems in the world, and they have real impacts on how we read the Bible without realizing it.

And sometimes when Christians are defending the Bible, what they don't realize is they're not actually defending the Bible.

They're defending patriarchy, and they shouldn't.

And they shouldn't.

We shouldn't.

The Bible is going to do something unbelievably odd.

It's so odd that what happens is we fill in something with a patriarchal perspective that's actually not in the Bible.

Look what happens next.

So here it is, verse 24.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husband.

What happens next?

Look at what it says.

We'll read all of them, and then I'll point out what's so odd about it.

Husbands, love your wives.

Verse 25.

Husbands, love your wives.

It's just the plural, right?

It's not saying that husbands have more than one wife, right?

So, George, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water and the word,

so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

And notice this big thing.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

It's a way of very powerfully saying that Jesus loves you and me to the point of dying on the cross.

He didn't die on the cross because of something he had done.

He didn't do it because it was some type of extreme sport and he wanted to win the gold medal.

No, he saw your need and mine, and so out of love for you and me, he comes and dies upon the cross for you and me.

So here's the thing which most of us don't notice.

Okay?

Normally, this is what we would expect.

Louise, submit to George in all things.

George, these are the types of things you should say.

These are the types of things you can't say.

These are the types of limits you can do.

This is the type of way that, you know, these are the benchmarks.

Is any of that there?

None.

You know what's missing in this text?

The man is not given any power to command.

Zero.

That's what we would expect.

Many Christian commentators say, well, it's assumed.

And so they fill it in with patriarchy.

No.

It's not assumed.

How do I know it's not assumed?

Well, one of the things is actually a proper use of verse 21.

Because in verse 21, right?

It's talking about you're filled with the Holy Spirit and filled in the Holy Spirit.

And if you're filled in the Holy Spirit, there's a certain way of talking with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.

Rejoicing in making melody in your heart in all times.

You know, there's a, I can't remember what the second one is, which is terrible.

I should remember it, but I'm on a roll.

And then there's a third one, submitting to one another.

And does the text there say to other people, okay, George has to submit to everybody.

So everybody else, this is how you can boss George around.

It's not there.

It's the same word.

Why would you assume it's there in verse 25 when you assume it's not there in verse 21?

You can't.

Well, then people say, well, George, that makes no sense.

Exactly.

From the world's point of view, which rates everything with power.

It makes no sense.

But what does Jesus do?

What is the Bible doing?

The Bible is not saying this is how power works.

So this is how you have to work.

No.

What does the Bible point us to?

The gospel.

How are we to understand marriage?

Understanding the gospel.

How is a husband to understand how to relate to his wife?

Think about the gospel.

How is the wife to understand how to think about her husband?

Think about the gospel.

Not think about power.

Think about the gospel.

And so here's the shocking thing.

What you would expect normally if this was written,

what, Louise, submit in all things.

George, now we're expecting,

you're going to say something about command and said,

what does Jesus say to me?

What does the Bible say?

George, love your wife to the point of being willing to die for her.

And not just die so she can be left in poverty and sadness.

The point is that you are to understand that God's will for her is that she will be holy

and she will be beautiful and she will be whole and she will be complete.

And you are willing to die to your own.

You have to be willing.

You are exhorted, George, to die to your own will in such a way

that this work of God in her will work more and more and more and more and more.

And that, George, is your task.

Your task, George, is not how to boss her around.

Your task, if you choose to accept it,

your task, mission impossible reference, sorry,

your task is to be willing to die for your wife,

die to your own agendas,

die to all of these things and be willing to die for her.

Now, I'm going to say a little bit more about it,

but I want to show the big point about all of this.

So if I lose you for the rest of the sermon, this is the big point.

The Bible gives wise exhortations in light of the true nature of love,

the true problem of sin,

and the enduring truth of the gospel.

That's the way to understand this text.

Hopefully I have the time and I'll be able to show you

that that's, in fact, what's going on.

That the Bible gives wise exhortations,

not, it doesn't, the Bible doesn't hit the women.

It's that the, it's giving wise exhortations in light

of what all of us know is the true nature of love.

It's giving wise exhortations in light of what we all know

about the true problem of sin.

And what the world doesn't know, but we know if we're Christians,

it's giving wise exhortations in light of the enduring truth of the gospel.

And that's what Paul is doing here in chapter 5, verses 22 to 24.

So how do I say this?

What is the nature of love?

We think about it for a second.

When we're in deep love with somebody,

the first time when we fall really in love with another person,

and that love that we have for another person,

it seems like it's reciprocated.

I will give an example from the, so I was in love with Louise,

and, you know, we go on a date or two,

and then finally I get over, invited over to her house for her apartment.

She was sharing an apartment with some other people.

I get over, I get invited over for a meal and for tea,

and I, we talk, and at the time she lived in an apartment

right near James Street in Bronson.

I lived out at Bank and Hunt Club.

Those of you in Ottawa, that's a long way away.

And we stopped talking at 2.30 in the morning.

It was January.

It was minus 25.

Buses had stopped.

Uber hadn't been invented.

Taxis were for rich people.

I had to walk home.

2.30 in the morning.

Bronson and James to Bank and Hunt Club.

Now let me ask you this question.

Did I walk there along those streets thinking,

how dare she keep me talking so late?

This is terrible.

She had no concern for me and my needs

that I had to walk for so long in such a...

No!

I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world.

I thought I was the luckiest guy in the world.

Quite a few years ago in this congregation,

there was a man who used to come here all the time.

And he was a really, really nice guy.

Loved wine.

Loved good food.

And he was plump.

And one day,

I come into a meeting with him

and he looked a bit flushed.

A bit pink.

And I asked him what he'd done.

He said,

I just came from jogging.

I said,

you went jogging?

That's bad people skills, by the way.

I shouldn't have said,

you went jogging?

I should have said,

way to go!

Or something like that.

But I lost it.

Because if you were to pick everybody in the church

as to who's going to go for a jog,

he would have been like right close to the bottom of the list.

Okay?

Well, how come you went jogging?

There was a girl,

a young woman.

And he liked her.

She went jogging.

He said,

you want to go jogging?

And he did.

That ended up not working out,

that relationship.

But the point is this.

Obviously,

with Louise and me,

with many, many adventures,

eventually it did work out.

But this poor fellow,

it did not work out.

And they never got together.

But here's the point.

What happens when you're really in love with another person

and you know that they're in love with you?

What happens?

You're willing to sacrifice.

The first thing about it,

when you're in love,

you feel the most yourself

that you've ever felt in your life.

Right?

When you're in love,

you feel like yourself.

You feel powerful.

You have a great identity.

You feel confident.

And you also,

what will you do?

You put yourself second

so that you can do

their other person's interest.

You're willing to sacrifice for them.

Isn't that the

true nature of love?

What else happens?

We're going to see this in a moment.

Like,

you talk to somebody,

you know,

talk to a person

and they've had a great marriage

and their husband dies

or they've had a great marriage

and it's come,

where one person really loves the other person

that's come to an end through divorce

or some other thing like that.

And for the person

who really loves the other person,

it feels like a type of death.

It feels as if there's

something in the very center

of who you are

that's been ripped out

because it's the very nature of love,

not only that you give of yourself

and that you want to give to that person,

but that you become one.

That in love,

you want to enter into the other person's life

and you want that person

to enter into you

and there's a type of oneness

so that when there's a break,

it actually feels like a type of death.

It actually feels like

there's something inside of you

that got ripped out.

That's the nature of love.

Look at what happens

in the rest of the text.

Look at verses 28 to 30.

Look at how the text talks.

Right?

Verse 28.

In the same way,

husbands should love their wives

as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife

loves himself.

This is a talking,

this isn't something

that like in terms of

overwhelming the other person.

It's describing this deep type of oneness.

It's reminding the husband

of the deep type of oneness

that happens in love.

Verse 29.

For no one ever hated his own flesh,

but nourishes and cherishes it

just as Christ does the church

because we are members of his body.

And then Paul goes

and he quotes from the book of Genesis.

Genesis chapter 2, verse 24.

Genesis 2:24

He says,

Therefore a man shall leave

his father and mother

and hold fast to his wife,

and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is profound,

and I am saying that it refers

to Christ and the church.

He's using the Christ and the church

in this mystery of love

and the mystery of marital love

in particular,

that it's as if there's this one flesh.

So if you go back

to my point,

the Bible gives true exhortations

in light of the true nature of love.

The submitting,

the sacrificing,

the becoming one.

The entire teaching

is shaped on the true nature of love,

isn't it?

But some of you might say,

George,

this doesn't work.

This doesn't work.

George,

marriages end in divorce.

George,

there's selfishness in marriage.

George,

husbands abuse their wives.

There can be, of course,

wives abusing their husbands,

but it's a bigger problem

of husbands abusing their wives,

especially of physical violence.

And George,

this all now,

now all of a sudden,

our critics will go,

well, George,

this is just all airy-fairy.

But no.

The Bible gives

these wise exhortations

in light of the true nature of love

and the true problem of sin.

You see,

the problem is

that the Bible

is both more wildly optimistic

than the world,

but also more wildly realistic,

all within the context

of the truth of the gospel.

You see,

the problem I have often

when,

that many of us have

when we talk to Christians,

and because we live in Canada,

we have it as well,

on one hand,

on one hand,

what will the average Canadian say

about,

if you explain the gospel

or something like that to them,

and about Jesus dying for sinners,

and the average Canadian will say,

but people are fundamentally good.

Don't they say that?

People are fundamentally good.

I'm a good person.

But then the very,

very next breath,

they say,

you can't have advice

about this,

about marriage.

Why?

Because people aren't

fundamentally good,

and they beat each other up.

Well,

one moment,

which one is it?

I mean,

it's a type of a discontinuity

in how a lot of us think

people are fundamentally good,

but you can't give this type

of advice to people

because they'll abuse it.

Why?

Well,

because they're not

fundamentally good.

But the Bible's realistic.

The Bible doesn't say

people are fundamentally good.

It says there's an integrity

to people.

There's a longing for the good.

It says that there's common grace

and they do good things,

but it says that we are,

in fact,

bent by sin.

And you see,

this then is why

the Bible is so wise.

Right?

If you think about it for a second,

this is why

the Bible is so wise.

This is why,

if you go back

and you look later on,

remember I said

it sets before the wife

this task

of submitting to her husband

as to the Lord.

and it doesn't give

the husband

any power to command.

Instead,

it says to the husband,

husband,

love your wife

as Jesus loved his church.

In other words,

love for the sake of her,

put her so high

and the need for her

to be,

have integrity

and all of that

to the point of being willing

to die to yourself

and in fact,

even die into your own life.

Be willing to die.

And the wife

is not given

any power

to command

the husband.

Both of them

are voluntary.

Why are they voluntary?

Because there's

the true problem

of sin.

You see,

there's a task

which is enjoined,

but it's not total

submission

nor total dying.

Wives

who are here,

if your husband's

a jerk,

I don't know

if I was allowed

to say that in church,

I just did.

That's going to

really profoundly

shape

what on earth

submission's

going to look like.

If your husband's

abusive,

that's probably

going to make it

that the submitting

is going to be

almost impossible

to see

because he's abusive.

Because the nature

of the person

you're married to

is in fact

going to have

a profound

way of shaping

the godly

following

of these

exhortations.

And in fact,

it says more than this.

It's all,

it's,

it's,

it's,

it's,

it's why not only

is the command

voluntary,

so it's up to

the person

who does it,

but it's also

because they,

because the Bible

understands that sin

is fundamentally

a problem

of selfishness

and it's fundamentally

a problem

of putting yourself

at the center

of the universe

and viewing everything

from your own

perspective.

Quick example

of this

to how sin

makes us

the center

of the universe

and,

and see everything

from our own

perspective.

If at the end

of the service

I was to announce

that God

answered our prayer

in a remarkable way

and has given us

a building,

the very first thing

most of us would think

is how does this

affect me?

If I said the building

is two kilometers away,

for many of us

the very first thing

will be how does this

affect me?

Not,

praise God!

How does this affect me?

Problem of selfishness.

And so that's why

the text,

I have to watch my time,

the text

is so wise.

It sets before us

an exhortation

that's voluntary

that means

that the husband

and the wife

do it with eyes

wide open

in light of the reality

of the other person.

There's still an exhortation

to deal with

their own sin,

their own selfishness,

their own self-centeredness.

And it's also

very wise

because everything

is cast

within the reality

of the fact

that Jesus died

on the cross

for sinners.

sinners.

And that's

what brings

to the third thing.

It's not just

in light of

the true nature

of love,

the true problem

of sin,

but the enduring

truth of the gospel.

You see,

one of the things

which is so wonderful

about the text

is if you think

about it,

the husband

and the wife

together

show the beauty

of the gospel.

It's not just

that the husband

shows the beauty

of the gospel

and the wife

doesn't,

or the wife

shows the beauty

of the gospel

and the husband

doesn't.

It shows

that in a good

marriage,

a godly marriage,

it takes a husband

and wife together

so the beauty

and the power

of the gospel

is seen.

How does that work?

Well,

think about what

the gospel teaches.

What does the gospel

teach?

The gospel teaches

this,

that God

the Father,

God the Son,

God the Holy Spirit,

three persons,

one God

from all eternity,

they see human beings

made in the image

of God

and they see

that we have

made ourselves

the center,

we have made

ourselves selfish,

we now turn

from each other,

we turn from God,

we turn from the

created order,

there's this problem

of being bent

away from the good

that's at the center

of every single

human being

and human beings

cannot save

themselves

and so God

the Father

says to God

the Son

in a sense,

the only way

to save them

is to have

you

enter into

that world

and become

as one of them

and die

in their place

and so God

the Son

in submission

to his Father

sets aside

his divine glory,

his divine prerogatives,

his appearance

as God,

his majesty,

he sets

all of these

things aside,

the honor

and the glory

and the worth

that he is owed

as God,

the Son of God,

he sets them all

aside

and being

still remaining

fully God,

he humbles himself

and submits

to the demands

of love,

submits to the

Father,

submits to the need

of fallen human

beings like you

and me

and enters

the human story

as a zygote

in the womb

of Mary.

Submission.

No gospel

without submission.

And how does

the gospel continue?

The gospel

isn't all about

just the submission

of the Son

to the demands

of love

and to the Father

because there's

no gospel

without the Son

of God's

dying upon

the cross.

And so Jesus

lives a sinless

life,

miracles,

teachings,

sinless life

and dies upon

the cross.

So that you

and I

can be made

right with God

when we put

our faith

and trust

in him.

And we see

in Ephesians 5

not just

that the Bible

is giving advice

around the true

nature of love

that when we

think about it

we understand

that that's

the true nature

of love

and it's

giving exhortations

in light of

the true

problem of sin

which we all

realize there is

a true problem

of sin

and we as Christians

but not necessarily

the world

we also understand

that the entire

advice is shaped

within such a way

that in a good

marriage the husband

and wife together

make the gospel

beautiful.

Make the gospel

beautiful

to a fallen world.

Need to wrap it up.

verse 33

however let each

one of you

love his wife

as himself

and let the wife

see that she

respects her husband.

So I just want

to try to

bring it up

to a

final point

I think

I'm going to

just skip

through some

things here

you can look

it up online

some final

things

it's very

interesting

in this text

there's two

exhortations

given to women

the wives

and two

exhortations

given to the

husbands

and they're

not the same

and so

for those

women who

are married

here in the

room

the exhortations

that are given

to you

is to

submit

to your

husband

and to

respect

him

and

for some

of you

that's going

to be very

hard

maybe for

issues in

your past

some of you

it's because

your husband

isn't maybe

acting very

well right

now

but the

task that's

given to you

is to learn

how to

submit

and to learn

how to

respect

and one

of my

pieces of

advice to

you would

be that

next time

you give

your husband

a card

don't say

on it

I love

you

but say

on it

I respect

you

I don't

know why

the Bible

says that

rather than

something else

but that's

what the Bible

says

say I

respect

you

and maybe

rather than

saying the

different ways

that you

love him

say these

are the

ways I

respect

you

and for

husbands

who are

here

there's two

different

commands

in this

text

you go

back

and you

look

there's

two

imperatives

in the

text

given to

men

different

than the

ones

that are

given

to

the

wives

the

two

imperatives

given

to

husbands

is

this

agape

love

that's a

self-giving

putting the

other first

seeking the

true good

of the

other

agape

love your

wife

to the

point of

being willing

to set

aside

your power

and your

prerogatives

and your

agendas

and so

love your

wife

and that

obviously

also includes

love as

affection

and it

is very

appropriate

husbands

that if you

write a card

for your

wife

don't say

I respect

you

say I

love

you

and to

figure out

in the

light of

your

marriage

how it

is that

you were

to put

such love

into practice

for your

wife

and the

other thing

and this

is a

mystery

and I

don't have

time to

go into

it but it

must be

very important

because it's

in Genesis

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

chapter 2

Jesus quotes

it Paul

quotes it

it's in

several parts

of the

Bible

is that

guys who

are married

you need

to learn

to set

aside and

leave your

your mother

and father

your task

is to

leave your

mother

and father

and live

with your

wife in

such a

way

that you

unite and

relate to

her

to move

towards

one flesh

that's your

task guys

that's my

task

to be

willing to

love my

wife Louise

to learn

that I

to be

challenged

to continually

love my

wife in

such a way

that I'm

willing to

die for

her

and understand

the mystery

of what it

means to

leave my

mother and

father behind

to pursue

being one

flesh with

her

that's the

task

singles

you get to

listen in on

an odd

sermon

all I can

tell you is

you've gotten

some advice

about how to

pray for your

married friends

please stand

one of the

things which I

didn't mention

in this

sermon

I'm going to

mention it

right now

which is still

technically part of

the sermon

is if you go

back and you

read verses

chapter 5

verse 15

to 21

that long

sentence

and the

sort of the

governing verse

is walk in

love

and then

but the more

specific thing

that governs

the next little

bit and governs

the rest of the

text is that we

are to learn to

live in the

spirit

and the fact

of the matter

is both

husbands and

wives and

for singles

who have the

task of living

as a single

life to the

glory of God

is the

wonderful thing

about marriage

for us as

Christians

isn't that there's

somehow on one

level something

different for

Christian marriage

than non-Christian

marriage

marriage was

instituted by

God before the

fall it's woven

into the created

order it's part of

how all marriages

are to work

it's why many

non-Christian

marriages are

better than

Christian marriages

because marriage

is integral to

the way man

and woman

male and female

were created

and it's just

there but the

thing which is

specifically helpful

for us is not

just that we

look to the

gospel to

shape how we

live our lives

and to shape

our imagination

and to shape

the healing of

our memory

and the healing

of our wounds

but to also

understand that we

don't do our

marriage alone

that for you

and me who

are in Jesus

we dwell in the

Holy Spirit

and God in

particular

joins us to

call upon the

help of the

Holy Spirit

to figure out

how to live

and embody

these exhortations

in the real

context of our

own marriage

how to repent

and what to

pursue

let's pray

Father if there

are any here

who have not

yet given

their lives

to Jesus

I ask that

you would

make the

gospel more

beautiful and

more real to

them and move

in their hearts

that they would

give their lives

to Jesus

even today

Father for

those of us

who are here

who are not

in marriage

we bless you

for them

we ask that

the Holy Spirit

would move in a

mighty and

powerful way

in the midst

of their singleness

that their life

as a single

person would be

lived in such a

way that the

gospel is made

beautiful

that they come

closer and

closer to Jesus

that they are

filled more and

more by the Holy

Spirit and know

the integrity

that they have

as a single

made in your

image and

redeemed by

Jesus and your

child by

adoption and

grace

and Father for

those of us

who are husbands

and wives

we ask that

the Holy Spirit

would move with

might and power

and deep conviction

in our marriage

that you would

help us Father

to remember

these exhortations

and that you

would fan into

flame within us

a longing and

yearning to be

so gripped by

the gospel

that we seek

to pursue

that which you

exhort us to

seek and that

we would be

willing to repent

of those things

that we need

to repent of

that our

marriages Father

that our

individual lives

and our

marriages might

make the gospel

beautiful

Father that

is our

prayer

and we

ask this in

the name of

Jesus and

all God's

people said

Amen