Do Not Commit Adultery

The scripture reading comes from Deuteronomy chapter 5.

Deuteronomy 5 · chapter mention

Please follow along in your bulletin.

And Moses summoned all Israel and said to them,

Hear, O Israel, the statutes and the rules that I speak in your hearing today,

and you shall learn them and be careful to do them.

I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

You shall have no other gods before me.

You shall not make for yourself a carved image or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above,

or that is on earth beneath, or that is in water under the earth.

You shall not bow down to them or serve them.

For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God.

Visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me,

but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.

You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain,

for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.

Observe the Sabbath day to keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you.

Six days you shall labor and do all your work,

but the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God.

On it you shall not do any work,

you or your son or your daughter or your male servant or your female servant

or your ox or your donkey or any of your livestock or the sojourner who is within your gates.

That your male servant and your female servant may rest as well as you.

You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt,

and the Lord your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm.

Therefore, the Lord your God commanded you to keep the Sabbath day.

Honor your father and your mother as the Lord your God commanded you,

that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

You shall not murder, and you shall not commit adultery,

and you shall not steal, and you shall not bear false witness against your neighbor,

and you shall not covet your neighbor's wife,

and you shall not desire your neighbor's house,

his field or his male servant or his female servant,

his ox or his donkey or anything that is your neighbor's.

This is the word of God.

Thank you, Annabelle.

Are we on?

Hello? Can you hear me?

Brilliant.

Great. Thank you so much, guys.

We're just so blessed by you as a church family.

Just Etienne doesn't know how blessed he is yet to be part of Watermark,

but we know how blessed we are,

and just want to thank you so much for just walking with us right from,

well, right from before Etienne was even an idea.

So thank you so much.

Let me just pray for us.

Father, you want to speak to us.

Open our ears to hear you.

Open our hearts to be receptive to what you want to say to us.

I pray, Lord, that you would come and speak with power into our lives.

Show us yourself this morning, I pray.

Teach us to be a community which lives under your word

and loves your word and delights to obey your word.

Father, I pray just take whatever I say now,

and I pray that your spirit would just really bring what you want to say into people's hearts, Father.

Father, so we love you.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Great.

So for those of you who are,

this is your first time here,

or whether you're at the community center,

or whether you're in the overflow,

or whether you're here,

we've been going through a series in the Ten Commandments.

And we've come to that place in the Ten Commandments

where things begin to get a little bit more sensitive.

Where we come to areas where some of us may have real struggles and real hurts

and real areas where we wrestle with some of the things that God is saying in his word.

And so what we want to do,

like before I even share what we're going to talk about,

which is do not commit adultery today.

And in your bulletin, by the way,

there's a mistake.

It's not do not murder.

It is do not commit adultery.

But there may be areas which are going to be just touching on things

which we can't share everything in this sermon.

But we want to walk with you.

So if there are things which actually come up from this,

please don't just run away.

Please come and see myself or Kevin,

Sylvie, Eugenia, one of the staff,

because we really want to walk with you through these issues

to be the people that God calls us to be.

So in 1631, there was a Bible that was printed.

It was called the Wicked Bible

because the printers missed out one word.

It was the word not in this verse.

It read, thou shalt commit adultery.

Now, very quickly, it got taken off the shelves.

But incredibly, it became very popular as a Bible.

Everyone wanted to get their hands on it.

Because people, though they knew that adultery was wrong in that culture,

they secretly hoped that God would somehow accommodate

to their kind of guilty pleasures in life.

And I think that typifies a lot of in our society,

this kind of tear between things that we think are maybe wrong,

but actually the desires that we have.

I mean, last year, you know, canto pop star Andy Ho,

you know, Sammy Chang's husband,

he was condemned widely for getting caught cheating.

But I heard quite a lot of people going very sympathetically

that when he apologised, he just gave in to desire,

saying, oh, yeah, I understand.

It's kind of natural, you know.

Chimpanzees do it.

So why can't we?

And until 1971, I mean, Stanley Ho just died a couple of weeks ago,

but polygamy was legal in Hong Kong.

Even today, if you are, many people do business in mainland China,

and there is a wife or a mistress or someone in mainland,

and then here you have someone else.

And if the spouse is accepting of that, what's the problem?

Why has God got such a big deal with this?

Well, what we want to do is have a look at this topic,

and we want to talk about what is marriage.

We want to talk about what is adultery.

Then why is it such a big deal,

and then how do we find freedom to obey this command?

Okay, so that's where we're going.

First of all, what is marriage?

Marriage in Scripture is not a cultural man-made institution.

It is a God-given, exclusive, lifelong commitment

between one man and one woman,

united together in a one-flesh relationship,

with a new identity,

which is in some way patterned and modeled

after God's exclusive covenantal commitment to his people.

And sex within that is the joyful self-giving of yourself to your spouse

within that marriage covenant,

primarily to deepen your sense of union and oneness together,

and then secondarily for pleasure and reproduction,

if biology allows.

In other words, marriage and sex are gifts from God,

but they are deeply spiritual signposts pointing beyond themselves

to a greater reality of the nature and character of God himself.

So just take the Ten Commandments.

We've said before that they're actually like a big wedding ceremony.

This is a relational covenant between God and his people.

And they've got promises.

They've got promises to be faithful to one another.

And so throughout Scripture, from this point, and you move on,

God keeps showing himself to be a faithful husband to his people.

Let me, a couple of verses.

Isaiah 54 says,

For your maker is your husband.

The Lord of hosts is his name.

Ezekiel 16.

This is an amazing passage where God describes his relationship with his people

like somebody who's picked up a dirty, abandoned, ugly, unloved girl

from the side of the road, and he's brought them to himself.

And rather than just using her to meet his own desires,

what he does is his heart is to restore her, to beautify her, to honor her.

And so it says this.

It says,

About Israel, God's people,

your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty

because the splendor I had given you had made your beauty perfect.

Do you see what he's saying?

God's about purifying, cleansing, beautifying, restoring people,

and restoring us into the glorious image bearers that he made us to be.

You know, he made us to be beautiful and glorious.

And his love towards that end is steadfast.

That means it's not just a kind of dutiful,

okay, we've got to kind of stay together for the kids kind of love.

That's not God's love.

God's love is he rejoices over his people with singing.

It's a long-haul, promise-keeping, engaged, passionate commitment to his people.

And marriage is a reflection of that.

You know what the sex symbols of the Bible are?

You know, the kind of romantic ideal that the Bible brings you.

It's not like a steamy one-night stand that Hollywood would show you.

It's actually a couple who have been married for 60 years,

hand in hand, faithfully looking into each other's eyes

through all the ups and downs they've been through.

And at the end of it, with this glowing passion,

saying to one another,

you know that I love you.

And the other person turns and says, yeah, I know.

Because I've had 60 years of experiencing that.

That's what the Bible's reflection of God's,

just a tiny reflection of his faithful, passionate love.

That's what marriage is meant.

So what is adultery then?

Well, the seventh commandment here is specifically referring

to a married man or woman sleeping with someone

who is not your wife or husband.

It is breaking a promise with your body.

You know, there's other laws about,

deals with other areas of sex outside of marriage.

But this one is particularly about unfaithfulness

to your marriage covenant.

And so one author says it's the social equivalent

of breaking the first command to have no other gods.

See, the most common image,

do you know what the most common image for idolatry

when Israel worships other gods in the Old Testament?

The most common image is adultery.

Just one example, Jeremiah 3 says,

like a woman unfaithful to her husband,

so have you been unfaithful to me, O Israel, my people.

You see, since all the commandments flow out of that first one

to have no other gods and to worship God alone,

then to break the seventh command

is to break the first command.

In other words, physical adultery is idolatry.

And idolatry is spiritual adultery against God.

Okay?

Because both of them, both idolatry,

worshipping other gods,

and adultery are like con artists,

offering you products and saying,

the grass is greener on the other side,

just look over the fence.

And it offers you what is not yours to take,

and it promises you life.

Just take the forbidden fruit.

You know, it's like this.

Your marriage is going through a rough patch.

You feel unheard.

You feel unloved.

You feel disrespected, bored.

And then someone comes along,

and you just click with.

And it seems that everything you wanted,

the respect, the approval,

all those other things you wanted,

they seem to offer it.

More than your spouse does.

And if what you do is you'll say,

well, let me see what that grass is like

on the other side.

Your heart is not just turning away

from your spouse to fulfill you first.

Sorry, it's not just turning towards that person.

It's turning away from a promise

that you've made to your spouse.

And it's turning away from a promise

you've made to God.

So you're being unfaithful to God,

and you're being unfaithful to your spouse.

And you know where there's a culture

where promises are broken,

it creates a culture of fear,

suspicion, and distrust.

So when a pastor or a believer

says, God is faithful and he loves you,

but then you hear that he's been sleeping

with his secretary,

what happens?

Don't many people start questioning

the credibility of Christianity?

They lose faith in God or in people

because we know that actually our marriages

are supposed to be a reflection

of showing us something about God.

But what if you're single?

Okay, you go, hey, I'm not married.

I'm not even tempted in this area.

Are you free from worrying about this command?

Somebody gave the right answer.

Yes.

No, because Jesus takes this command.

I'm glad you got there.

Otherwise, you can just walk out

if you're single right now.

Jesus takes this command

and he goes,

hey, it's fine.

Don't worry about that, guys.

It's like, this is New Testament.

No, he doesn't say that.

He goes, he actually makes it,

like he ramps it up even harder,

if I can put it like that.

He goes,

you've heard it said,

you shall not commit adultery.

Okay?

We've just heard that.

But I say to you

that anyone who looks at a woman

with lustful intent

has already committed adultery

with her in his heart.

Thank you, Jesus.

You just made things much harder.

Because he's saying,

if you follow the breadcrumb trail

of adultery

back to its source,

there you'll find

a heart condition

of coveting.

Say, coveting?

How do you get that?

Well, the word lustful intent

here is the same word

that is used in Romans 7

to describe the 10th commandment,

don't covet.

You see, adultery

is not just about

who you're jumping into bed with.

It's not just about marriage.

Adultery is about desiring

someone or something

that is not yours to own.

It's about,

it's about sexually looking

at someone

or looking at someone

for your own sexual gratification.

You know, it's not wrong

to appreciate somebody's beauty.

That's a gift from God.

But it's the second look.

It's the lingering look.

It's the movie in your mind

which takes appreciation

for someone made in God's image

and making them

into a piece of property

for your own personal pleasure.

It's actually failing

to trust God

to meet your sexual desires

in his way

and instead taking matters

into your own hands.

That's what adultery is

in Scripture.

So we've seen

what marriage is,

that faithful,

passionate,

beautifying love.

We've seen

what adultery is.

And now I want to think,

why is that a problem?

Because some people go,

okay, yeah, that's fine,

but why is that an issue?

Well,

let's think back

to what we said

about even sex.

And here's just

a couple of things.

Firstly,

we can use people,

adultery is using people,

not serving people.

If sex is actually

meant to be

about self-giving,

not just about

self-taking,

do you know what?

Sex is actually

service.

It's the best kind

of service

you can imagine,

but it's service

to somebody else.

It's actually

about deepening

your relationship,

your one flesh

relationship.

And though it's

meant to be pleasurable

in different ways,

it's primarily

serving your spouse.

Which actually,

by the way,

means that

you can actually

get sex wrong

even if you're married

and you're doing it

within marriage.

Because you can be

unfaithful

by making sex

all about yourself.

So either,

I see people doing this

in a couple of ways.

One is,

you either withhold

sex from your partner

because you just

don't feel in the mood

for like

a lot of time.

or you actually

demand sex

because you are

in the mood

like all the time.

And both of those

get it wrong

because what happens

instead of us

talking about it

and thinking

how can we serve

each other,

what happens

it becomes

this weapon of war

rather than

an instrument of love.

Doesn't it?

We use,

not serve.

I mean just

at the heart

of adultery,

whether it's physical

or at heart level,

is actually

a tyrannical dictator

sitting on his throne

not to serve people

but to get there

to use them

to meet their own desires.

You know,

think of pornography.

What's pornography?

Pornography

is non-relational,

non-committed sex.

It's using

another human being

made in the image

of God

not to honor them

but as an object

for your own

personal pleasure.

Isn't it?

You know,

it's Friday night,

you're tired,

you're bored,

you're stressed,

you're lonely

and porn promises

you an escape.

It promises you life.

It promises to fulfill you

with just a click or two.

Just like, you know,

in the Garden of Eden

the serpent comes

to Eve

and says,

well,

God knows

if you eat of this

your eyes

will be opened.

That's what porn promises

and if you click

you're saying to God

you as my lover

are not enough for me.

I don't trust you

to provide for me

so I'm going to have

to steal for myself.

Do you know,

pornography

is actually robbery.

I don't know

if you've ever

thought of that.

It's grabbing for yourself

what is not rightfully yours.

Has anyone

looked at pornography

and afterwards

been inspired

to serve

and lay down

your life

for other people?

Anyone?

I don't think so.

No,

it leaves you shameful.

It leaves you

feeling dirty inside.

Why?

Because every time

you watch porn

what happens

you're committing

a theft

stealing the dignity

and value

of broken people

when God

created you

saved you

to serve

to restore

and to beautify

people.

people.

Like if you just

followed the scandals

of the world's

largest porn site

porn hub

have you seen that?

The scandals

of rape

and child abuse.

Can we not see

that what we do

in the dark

has ripples effect

all around the world?

We use people

not serve people

that's why God

says don't.

But also

what about

another area

what about

the fantasy world

in your mind?

You see

watching rom-coms

which leads you

to just fantasize

about a man

or woman

who will just

complete you.

You know

daydreaming

about a celebrity

or someone

who you know

who's going to

become yours

but you know

they'll never

really be yours.

Who's at the center

of your fantasies?

Me.

I'm on the throne

and I want

a whole load

of beautiful servants

to come and serve

my desires.

That's what we do

with fantasy.

That's why we're using

not serving.

God says don't.

But then he also says

it's adultery

is slavery

not freedom.

You know

the Ten Commandments

starts

with

God saying

I've brought you

out of slavery

and then he gives you

the commands.

In other words

what he's saying is

I've opened

the prison door

for you to walk out

into freedom

through obedience

to these commands.

To be a people

who love

like I love.

But then

adultery says

no no

stay in the prison

and keep the door shut

so nobody will find out

that you're there.

Stay hidden

or maybe justify yourself

by saying it works.

But what do you think

the prison is

that adultery

brings you?

It's those desires

that we have

for approval

for pleasure

for control.

just think about

sex outside of marriage.

You know

a previous pastor

of mine

he said this

he said

I've married

a lot of couples

and

you know what

many of them

were Christian

and many of them

would say

yeah we know

the Bible's teaching

that sex outside

of marriage

is wrong

but they've still

been sleeping together

for all the time

and

why are they doing that?

He would ask them

it's not because

they lacked information.

they all knew

the right information.

It's because

there was a desire

in their heart

where they feared

losing the other person

or they wanted

to just gratify

their own desires

and they would justify it

saying things like

I have physical needs.

But it was amazing

when it came

for some of these people

when it came to

an incredible work opportunity

how these so-called

physical needs

suddenly

they didn't need it

for months

because that work opportunity

came and they were

totally sold out.

Why?

Because it wasn't

primarily about biology

it was slavery

to an idol

which could be replaced

by another idol

which came along

and seemed to satisfy

them more.

But God says

he gives you

this command

because he wants

to set us free

from the addictive

nature of our desires

to just self-gratify

so that we're free

to know how to love people

and be patient

and to be able

to not just get

instant gratification

all the time.

There's a freedom

in that

and you know

without a marriage

covenant commitment

what we're doing

is we're providing

for sex

we're providing

a picture

of a God

who could walk out

at any moment.

A God who's just

interested

in playing with his people

for a bit of temporary

pleasure

when actually

the God we serve

says I want to free you

and I want to

beautify you.

So adultery

it uses

not serves

adultery

it can enslave

not bring freedom

last thing

adultery

can promise life

but bring death.

Do you know

when self is at the center

when we worship

pleasure

control

or acceptance

above God

it doesn't give life

it destroys.

You know the story

of David and Bathsheba

in the Bible?

it destroyed

his adultery

tore his family apart

and you know

I've got a friend

one of my best friends

growing up

really close family

and the father

was just this amazing

family man

and then when my friend

went to university

suddenly he came out

and said

I'm leaving

for another woman

and they discovered

that actually

for seven or eight years

this had been going on

and none of them

had known

and it just

tore them apart

and some of you

know that sense

of being torn apart

some of you

feel that pain

whether it's from

your parents

or whether in your

own marriage

and if marriage

is supposed to be

this mirror

reflecting the beauty

of God

adultery is like

taking a hammer

to that mirror

and shattering it

and how many people

do I know

right now

who are suspicious

of marriage

or commitment

because of the fear

of betrayal

adultery

it serves

so it doesn't

use to serve

it uses

it doesn't free

it enslaves

it doesn't bring life

it brings death

but how do we get

free from this

how do we get

is there any hope

for this

in what is a very

highly sexualized

world that we live in

Ray Ortlund

who is a pastor

in the states

he preached a sermon

on the book

of 1 John

and he came

to this incredible

promise

in 1 John

he says this

if we walk

in the light

as he

Jesus

is in the light

we have fellowship

with one another

and the blood

of Jesus

his son

cleanses us

from all sin

and then he paused

and he looked

the congregation

in the eye

and he said

I am a sexual

sinner

and he paused

for a very long

time

remember the congregation

said this

at that moment

in that interval

of time

I wondered

if perhaps

I was witnessing

the last day

of our church

in Manuel

Nashville

looking back

now

I believe

it's the first

day

of the new

Emmanuel

he continued

I'm not

cheating on my

wife

I'm not

looking at porn

but I am

a sexual

sinner

if all the

thoughts that

went through

my head

this week

were put up

on the screens

this morning

none of you

would want

to be my

friend

brothers and

sisters

that's true

of me

and I think

that's probably

true of most

of us

but Jesus

wants to

bring

not

condemnation

you see

sexual sin

hides in the

dark like a

cockroach

but Jesus

wants to bring

it out into

the light

but don't

we often

fear

like a

cockroach

getting exposed

that God

if we come

out into

the light

he's going

to crush

us

or we're

going to

get rejected

by other

people

because if

you knew

what I was

really like

inside

you wouldn't

want to

be my

friend

so I

want to

speak to

those of

us who

know that

we've

actually

fallen in

this area

maybe once

maybe many

times

you know

there's this

incredible

verse in

the book

of Hebrews

Hebrews 7

25

it says

it says

this

Jesus

is able

to save

to the

uttermost

those who

draw near

to God

through him

since he

always

lives to

make

intercession

for them

shame

wants you

to hide

in the

closet

shame

wants you

to think

there's no

hope

shame

and

don't we

often think

that Jesus

we know

Jesus is

forgiving

we know

Jesus is

loving

but we

think

there's

this little

corner

at the

end

where his

love and

his

forgiveness

doesn't

reach

this kind

of dark

area in

our hearts

it doesn't

quite get

there

but this

verse says

Jesus

saves us

to the

uttermost

you know

do you know

what that

means

our sin

may be

to the

ends

of the

earth

his

grace

and

forgiveness

is to

the end

of the

universe

he saves

to the

uttermost

and he

doesn't just

say he

forgives

to the

uttermost

and then

leaves us

to try

and sort

it out

ourselves

and work

on

he says

he saves

to the

uttermost

that

means

he can

save you

from your

porn

habit

that

means

he

died

to set

you

free

from the

fantasies

that you

have

that

means

he's

given

everything

to enable

even the

adultery

in your

marriage

for God

to work

through

that

and to

save

you

in that

you see

he's in

the

restoration

business

he's in

the

beautifying

business

the

cleansing

business

because that's

the kind

of husband

he is

you see

some of you

may have

experienced

the pain

of adultery

in the past

and what's

happened even

in your marriage

you're still

together but

actually you've

you've kind of

settled for a

second rate

functional marriage

for the sake

of the kids

or whatever

Jesus didn't

die for that

Jesus died

to even save

your marriage

in that area

to bring beauty

out of the ashes

in that

because that's

the kind of

husband he is

that's to those

who have fallen

what about to

those who you

know you're

tempted

you know maybe

you started an

emotional bond

with a non-believer

or somebody else

and you know

it's not healthy

like don't wait

until you're

exposed

like Ashley

Madison

we need to

be a community

where we take

this so

seriously

you know what

Jesus says

he says

if your eye

causes you to

sin

just put some

eye shadow

on it

is that what

he says

no he says

if your eye

causes you to

sin

like rip it

out

like be

merciless

with that

thing

get ruthless

with it

you see

we often go

like yeah

but it's only

a coffee

yeah but it's

only a thought

yeah but it's

only a movie

but Jesus says

no no no

you run

like cancel

your Netflix

account

like delete

that phone

number

like text

others when

you're tempted

do whatever

it takes

not even a

hint of it

because you see

desire in the

heart looks

like a kitten

to start with

but you will

keep feeding

it it will

become a lion

and eat you

alive

and what we

need in this

church

is groups

of guys

and girls

who don't

just do

these kind

of vague

accountability

things where

we go

oh have you

looked at

porn this

week

any last

yes

okay do

better next

week

we don't

need that

we need

people who

are willing

to commit

to each

other

to be

there

night and

day for

each other

to help

each other

to walk

in the

freedom

that God

Jesus

has brought

for us

you know

people who

are going to

help each

other to

stare down

shame

and to

say I'm

not going

to live

under you

shame

Jesus

has cleansed

me

people who

are going

to walk

with each

other

and help

each other

to go

when temptation

promises us

things we're

going to go

no I'm not

going to buy

from your

promises

because your

promises are

fake

because in

Jesus I have

my acceptance

in Jesus there

is approval

my freedoms in

him he's my

faithful lover

and even if

I have to

wait maybe

I feel lonely

maybe I feel

bored

my God

says he

will satisfy

my desires

with good

things and

I will

trust him

that's the

kind of people

we need to

be for each

other

those who

fall and

those who

tempted

what about

for those

who you

know you've

been really

hurt in

this area

I want to

just appeal

to you

don't walk

alone

I've said

it before

but I want

to say it

again

don't walk

alone in

this

you see

what shame

does

shame

wants you

to stay

silent

or to live

with the

what ifs

bitterness

wants to

wants to

harden

or numb

or make

cynical

your heart

pain

wants you

just to

escape

through

busyness

or all

kinds of

other

relationships

but Jesus

comes to

you

and he

weeps

with you

Jesus

suffers

with you

and he

says this

to you

I know

what betrayal

is like

it cost

me my

life

it cost

me my

life

I understand

and so

he says

I will

never

forsake

you

because

I died

to save

you

to heal

you

to the

uttermost

Ephesians

5

says this

and I'm

going to

close

with this

husbands

love your

wives as

Christ

loved the

church

and gave

himself up

for her

that he

might present

the church

to himself

in splendor

without spot

or wrinkle

that she

might be

holy

and without

blemish

that's the

kind of

people

Jesus

died

to make

us

let's run

to him

let's be

honest with

him

let's come

out into

the light

and let him

just work

in our

hearts

today

I want

to just

take a

minute

to

pray

I'm

going to

ask the

band

to come

up

but you

know where

you are

right now

I'm going

to ask

some of

us

afterwards

to actually

come up

for prayer

that's a

big move

because you

may feel

the sense

of oh

what other

people think

listen we

are all

sexual sinners

in this

room

Jesus

wants to

bring us

out into

the light

and to

bring healing

so I

want you

just to

do business

with God

maybe you

need to

repent

of where

you've

actually

just been

minimizing

areas of

your life

maybe you

need to

just open

your heart

up to

get healing

for him

to speak

into your

heart

just take

a minute

now to

allow him

to just

minister

to you

be real

with him

father we

are broken

people

we desperately

need you

but thank

you that you

are the one

who satisfies

our desires

with good

things

I pray for

those who

right now

really feel

this struggle

and the

wrestle

Lord

I pray

would you

come to

them

I pray

that they

wouldn't leave

here today

without talking

to someone

about it

I pray

Lord

that we

would be

a church

where it's

the safest

place to

be sinners

and sufferers

but Lord

that in this

place you

would just

bring healing

and restoration

to us

father just work

in our lives

show us that

you are more

satisfying than

anything else we

chase after

because you're

a better lover

in Jesus name

Amen

you