Made for friendship

Well, can we turn again in our Bibles to the Old Testament wisdom book of Ecclesiastes

in chapter 4, and we're going to read together from verse 7 to verse 16.

Let me apologize in advance for my throat, which is croaky and fading.

We heard Keith read for us from John's Gospel, Jesus' invitation to friendship.

We're thinking about the reality that as people we are made for friendship, and here in chapter 4

our author introduces the theme of friendship to us. So Ecclesiastes 4 from verse 7 to verse 16.

Again, I saw something meaningless or something that is vanity under the sun.

There was a man all alone. He had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil,

yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. For whom am I toiling, he asked, and why am I

depriving myself of enjoyment? This too is meaningless, a miserable business. Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other

up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together,

they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can

defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Better a pure but wise youth than an

old but foolish king who no longer knows how to heed a warning. The youth may have come from prison to the

kingship, or he may have been born in poverty within his kingdom. I saw that all who lived and walked under

the sun followed the youth, the king's successor. There was no end to all the people who were before them.

But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

So as we begin thinking about friendship, I want to introduce some thoughts that came from an Australian nurse

called Bryona Ware, who had a blog a number of years ago that she turned into a book, a book that was called

Five Regrets of the Dying. Maybe it's hard to see the connection between that and friendship, but two of the things

that her patients identified as their biggest regrets are of relevance to us. And I hope in a way it will be a

chance for us today to reflect on the path, the trajectory of our life now that we might not live with those same

regrets. One regret, and this was especially true for her male patients from a previous generation,

the regret, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. That regret of being stuck on the treadmill such that

children growing up, a lot of the big events and moments were myths. That friendship with a wife,

building relationships with the kids, absent. That was one big regret that she'd identified among

her patients. And another, I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends. Do we recognize that sense of being

caught up in our own lives? Her patients did. They identified that, sort of pursuing, sort of personal

goals, friendships lost along the way. And then when they were needed most, hard to make those connections,

perhaps even hard to know where those former friends were living, not giving enough time and effort to

friendship. Our teacher in Ecclesiastes 4 recognizes the limits of work and the values of friendship

and God's word would want us to avoid those regrets. And so we read from verse 7 to verse 16 and

probably we recognized those famous words in the center, verses 9 through 12. I often read,

at weddings, two are better than one and the cord of three strands is not easily broken. Both pointing

us towards the one basic truth that friendship is one of God's everyday gifts. Ecclesiastes is full of

God's everyday gifts and friendship is one of those, a gift to enjoy, a gift to invest in.

And then J.C. Ryle was one among many. He was a bishop in Liverpool in a previous century. He said,

friendship is that thing which halves our sorrows and doubles our joys. And to share life with another

has that effect for us. We need our cord of three strands. We need friendship. We need relationship.

This week I was reading an article by a pastor in a house church in China, speaking after two years

of pandemic, which was really intense in China, as I'm sure many of us know. But on top of that,

the house church is, of course, persecuted by the government. And what was so striking about that

article was this pastor talking about how the church needed one another. There was an understanding

that we together need the body of Christ. So we need to find ways, even when it's so difficult,

to spend time together, to reconnect so that we can be doing all those one another's, love one another,

serve, encourage, bear one another's burdens. And that made me think, is this a time for us,

as we look towards the end of pandemic, to be reconnecting with one another, reconnecting with

our friends, reconnecting as a fellowship, so that we are sharing our lives together. Because

friendship's a wonderful gift, but we know too that friendship comes with challenges. There's an

excellent book, Made for Friendship, written by Drew Hunter. He observes there are three barriers

that we can probably recognize to friendship today. The first is busyness.

How many of us would identify as being time poor? This becomes a real challenge as well,

I think, when culturally it's almost a badge of honor. You know, who doesn't say that we're crazy

busy all the time? And in that kind of context, it's really easy for friendship to be pushed to one

side. We get our diaries together, and I'll see you in sort of three months' time. It's not conducive to

establishing good friendships. So busyness is a challenge. Technology is a challenge too, isn't it?

There are gifts to technology. But one of the things that technology does is it gives us more

connections, but more shallow connections. It means it's very easy for us to be disengaged from

real life and from real people. So we're typing rather than having face-to-face connections.

You know, we have enjoyed the benefit of technology as a church, but there's a danger as well

that we lose the privilege and the priority of fellowship together. We need real church. We need

real people. We need to be a real body. So that's a challenge. And another challenge and a barrier that

Drew Hunter recognizes is that of mobility, by which he means that as people we move around a lot more

than previous generations. This is undoubtedly true in a city like Edinburgh.

How many of us have moved here in the last five to ten years for work or for study? We don't perhaps

have deep roots here. We perhaps think of somewhere else as home. And one of the challenges then for

friendship is because we know that it takes time to develop friendships and we think we're just here

for a little while, we might think, well, why bother establishing friendships if we're just going to go

back and do something else? And that can be really tricky for us to navigate as Christians because we

know that we need fellowship. We need the body of Christ. We need to be part of a local church. So how do

we navigate that? And so I hope as we spend some time together and we think about the wisdom of our

teacher, it will help us to avoid some of those regrets and to remind us why friendship is better than

friendship. So some wisdom from our teacher. The first piece of wisdom is simply that two are better

than one. We find that in verse nine. But on either side of that, there are two pictures, two people in

view. Now verse seven and eight, we are presented with a workaholic. There was a man all alone. He had

neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.

Here is a man working by himself and for himself. He has no time for relationships, no time for his

relatives. Perhaps he has cut himself off from his family in order to get ahead in his work.

This is a person for whom loneliness is no accident but has been caused by deliberate choice

where work is coming first. This is a man who's stuck in a vicious cycle. He's working but he's not

finding contentment. He's not finding joy because he's never got enough money. So that drives him to

make more. There is high cost but no ultimate gain. Samuel Johnson said,

to be unhappy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition. It's the picture of Ecclesiastes 4.

To put finance over family and friends. To pursue competition over cooperation.

To sacrifice everything to the God of success. It's what we find here in Ecclesiastes 4 and we find a

man who is alone and he is miserable and he's not found lasting gain.

And then the other picture, verse 13 to 16, we've got a tale of two kings and we especially think

about the older foolish king. But this tale of two kings, this comparison, let's read again. Verse 13,

better a poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who no longer knows how to heed a warning.

And in part, this story is told to remind us of the limits of work advancement and finding ultimate

gain. Promotion is not going to lead to eternal satisfaction. Driving home the point that we've

seen earlier in the book, don't overwork, don't make work an idol. The picture that we're painted

perhaps reminds some of us of the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis. Joseph was a man who was

languishing in a prison but was then raised to be almost like a king, second only to Pharaoh in Egypt.

Joseph was a man to whom the whole world came, recognized his wisdom, then came for his food. But in

the end, the story of Exodus tells us a future Pharaoh forgot Joseph. That's the reality facing us all.

But the contrast as it comes to friendship is that the poor but wise youth is better than the old but

foolish king. Why? Because one listens to others and the old man refuses to heed the warning of others.

He's become stubborn and he's keeping his own counsel. He's working and living in his own little bubble.

So our workaholic and our foolish king, they share this sense of being alone, having no friend with them,

to have no second. I'm not really sure why but this week as I was thinking about this,

these two stories, I was thinking about dueling. If you've read books and movies, read, watch movies

that are set in the Victorian era. You may have seen some duel scenes. And the second in the world of dueling,

which wasn't just fiction but was fact, a second, a friend, was really important.

That second had the job of looking to defend the honor of one party that was called to the duel.

They would also seek peace to try and spare life. And they would also serve as kind of protection

to avoid any ambush or unfair play. When it came to a duel, you needed a second. You needed a friend

when you went into that intense situation. Do we have a friend who has our back?

Two are better than one. We actually see this all over the New Testament.

We read a couple of weeks ago the parable of the rich fool

had a great harvest, decided to pull down his barn to build a bigger barn so he could store up all this

stuff for himself so he could sit back and enjoy all of his wealth, never care about God, never care

about others, and he was called a fool. Perhaps we know the story of Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus was a tax

collector who had isolated himself in society because he'd become overly greedy, taking more than he should

have, and he was hated by the people around him. But when Jesus came to his house, when God's gift of

salvation came to his heart, he is reunited to society and he becomes exceedingly generous.

Two are better than one. When Jesus sent the disciples out, how did he send them? He sent them in pairs.

He sent them two by two. You read the book of Acts, read how the early church lived, and you find a

community that read God's word together, that they listened to the apostles' teaching together, they prayed

together, they shared food together, they shared the resources together, because two are better than one.

So if two are better than one,

we are not to go it alone.

We are to put

love your neighbor

into practice.

We are to seek to have a friend and to be a friend to others.

Because we recognize, don't we, that we will all have times in our life when we will go through

struggles and we will go through trouble. Whether that's in work, whether that's in relationship,

whether that's with our health, whether that's with faith. And so we need to be investing in

friendships

so that we have that support

for when those moments

come.

We need fellowship

to help us, and so that we can help

others.

Since these stories bring us back to the workplace,

there is an encouragement to seek

cooperation,

which can be very

counter-cultural,

when we're encouraged towards

competition.

We're also being encouraged towards

contentment.

And not to keep chasing after more and more wealth,

recognizing that the value

of life is found in friendship

more than

in finance.

And for our faith,

there is that call to pursue

Christian friendship.

Christian friendship.

Someone who will share the journey with us.

Christian life is often described as

pilgrimage.

We don't pilgrimage by ourselves,

we walk alongside

others.

Perhaps it's a time for us to remind

ourselves again

that fellowship

and public worship

and spending time with God's people

are God's means of grace

for us.

Because two are better than one.

And then let's think

some more about that central section,

verses 9 to 12.

Recognizing this wisdom

that we are made

for friendship.

That verse 9 begins with a very simple

comparison.

comparison.

Comparisons where

X is better than

Y.

Two are

better than one.

And then it goes on

because they have a good return

for their labor.

You hear good return

and you hear labor.

And maybe instinctively

we're thinking

economics.

We're thinking productivity.

We're thinking profit margins.

But instead,

what do we get?

Two are better than one

because they give help

for the journey.

And the picture moves

towards the traveler

and towards the pilgrim.

So actually,

these little verses

give us a little window

into

a journeying in the Middle East

thousands of years ago.

And three dangers

are identified.

Three dangers

that can be avoided

if we have a friend

with us.

First danger.

The danger of falling

into a pit.

or falling

and being injured.

If either of them

falls down,

one can help

the other up.

But pity anyone

who falls

and has no one

to help them up.

Friendship is good

because it offers

help.

the next danger

facing a traveler.

What happens

when you're out

in the desert

and there's no

hostel

to be found

and you find yourself

sleeping under the stars?

Also,

if two lie down together,

they will keep warm.

But how can one

keep warm

alone?

There's the danger

of exposure.

being met

by having

someone

to share

body heat

with.

Another danger

that these travelers

would meet

and it's one actually

that Jesus identifies

in the parable

of the Good Samaritan.

Remember the parable

of the man

who's going down

on his journey

and he gets attacked

by robbers?

Well, we find it here

in verse 12.

Though one

may be overpowered,

two

can defend

themselves.

To have a friend

is to have

a source

of protection.

So, here

the good return

is investing

in friendship

so that we know

by experience

two

are better

than one.

Now, we think

about good returns

and we understand

that there is a cost

and we know

that there is a cost

to building

and maintaining

friendship.

It takes time

and as we've said

we are often

time poor

or at least

we think we are.

There is a cost

in establishing

friendships

because there is

of necessity

a loss

of independence.

It's not just

about my needs

and my priorities

and life doesn't

go according

to my speed

and to my

timetable.

So, there is

always a cost

in building

friendships.

Perhaps there is

an awkwardness.

How do I make

that approach?

How do we

move forward?

But, the Bible

would say

it's worth

every cost

because then

you go through

life not alone

but with

others.

Think about

what J.C.

Ryle said,

friendship is

that thing

that halves

our sorrows

and doubles

our joys.

Think about

the words,

pictures here

in Ecclesiastes 4.

We find ourselves

in trouble.

Friendship

means

help.

Who hasn't

experienced

the warmth

of time

with friends

and family?

How good

it is

to make

time

with the

people

that we

care about

and who

care about

us?

To have

someone

who we

know

has

our

back,

it's a

good

thing

and we

know

it

is

a

good

thing.

Perhaps

we can

think of

the buddy

system.

Some of

us in

school

have maybe

come across

that.

Maybe if

we go

climbing

we've

come across

it,

two people

paired

together,

working

as one,

looking to

look out

for one

another,

to monitor

the progress

of one

another.

That's not

just wisdom

for the

playground

or for

the

mountaintop.

That's

wisdom

for life.

That we

don't go

it alone.

As Christians

our faith

is not

private

and privatised.

We are

made for

friendship,

we are

made for

fellowship.

And because

that is

true,

because two

are better

than one

and because

a cord

of three

strands

is not

quickly

broken,

we need

to invest

and prioritise.

And we

need to

look to

see how

can I

break down

those barriers

to building

friendship.

So think

about our

attitude

towards

busyness.

Maybe

for some

of us

we need

to disconnect

from work

so there

are times

when we

are fully

present

with the

people that

we love,

the people

who are

present

with us.

and that's

really hard

when we

can be

spending a

lot of

time working

from home.

Perhaps

we need

to get

out our

diaries

and begin

to

reprioritise

so that

we make

room and

we are

connecting

with old

friends

as

restrictions

continue

to ease.

Perhaps

we need

to think

about our

attitude

to church,

not church

as a

building

that we

come to,

but as

a

people

that we

are

committed

to.

God

demands

that he

be number

one

in our

lives,

in our

priorities.

Jesus

says,

if you

love me,

you'll

love my

church.

What needs

to change

so that we're

showing that

in our

everyday life?

What about

when it

comes to

our use

of technology?

technology?

Is it

important that

we cut

down some

of our

social media

connection

in favour

of real

face-to-face

communion

with people?

Perhaps

when we're

with our

friends,

it's the

time to

leave our

phones at

home,

or at

least to

leave them

in our

pockets,

to switch

off our

notifications

so that

we're

actually in

the room

with the

people we're

in the

room with.

I think

it's

something we

need to

fight against.

And then

when it

comes to

the reality

of us

being much

more mobile

and maybe

feeling less

rooted,

it's that

important thing

of looking

both ways,

to make

effort with

old friends,

but also

pursuing real

friendships now,

not putting it

off and saying,

well, in five

years' time when

I've got that

job and I'm

in that place,

then I'll put

down roots.

No, we need

them now.

God's Word

says we need

church, we

need people

today.

The Bible

is full of

that teaching,

isn't it,

to love

our neighbour.

And that in

itself becomes

a call to

friendship.

And that

becomes a

mindset shift

where we're

thinking about

we, not

just thinking

about me,

because we

are made

for friendship.

And do you

know we can

see that as

we think about

the storyline

of the

Bible?

we go back

to creation.

Indeed, before

the world was

created, we

know that there

was God, a

God who is an

eternal fellowship

of perfect

friendship, love,

communion, Father,

Son, and Holy

Spirit.

And that God

made the

world so

that we could

live in the

overflow of

His love so

that we might

enjoy the

privilege of

fellowship,

friendship with

Him.

we go to

creation, go to

the Garden of

Eden, what do

we find?

We find there

is God, as

it were, walking

and talking

with Adam

and Eve.

We find from

the beginning

that we were

made for

friendship with

God, made

in the image

of God to

know and

enjoy and

worship Him.

And then God

said in His

perfect world

there was one

thing that was

not good, it

was not good

when Adam

was alone,

because we

were made for

friendship with

God and

others.

Staying in the

Garden of

Eden, what

happened when

Adam and

Eve fell into

sin is that

they turned

their back on

God, rejecting

friendship with

God, so that

they might live

like God and

be self-sufficient,

not needing

His friendship

anymore.

anymore.

So when they

had fallen into

sin and God

came to speak

with them in

the garden, they

are then hiding

behind the

tree.

Friendship,

fellowship has

been broken

because of sin

and they're sent

out of God's

place, sent

east of

Eden and

friendship is

lost because

of sin.

That's what sin

does, it

separates.

But that's not

the end of the

story.

Then we have

this wonderful

theme of covenant

within the Bible,

this idea that

God in His

grace and

mercy, not

because we

deserve it, but

because God is

good and kind.

He pursues His

people.

He reverses that

curse.

He redeems

people.

He restores

people to

fellowship with

Himself.

He enters

into friendship

with people and

He does that

ultimately by

sending Jesus.

Jesus who is

God and

man and He

is the

perfect friend.

He enjoys

perfect fellowship

with His

Father, living

for His

glory and

pursuing obedience

always.

And He's a

wonderful friend,

doesn't He?

Read the

Gospels.

He's a

wonderful friend

to the

disciples, to

those who are

helpless, to

those who are

lost.

And Jesus,

the God

man, then

goes to the

cross to

bear the

curse for

our

disobedience,

for our

saying no

to friendship

with God,

for us

turning our

back on

God the

Father.

And He

dies to

restore His

people to

relationship with

God so that

we can be

friends of

God.

Jesus is

the friend we

need above

all others.

that's why we

read from

John 15,

Jesus said,

greater love

has no one

than this,

that He lays

down His

life for His

friends.

Jesus didn't

say it, He

did it.

There on the

cross, He

did it.

He said, I

no longer call

you servants

because a

servant does

not know his

master's business.

Instead, I

have called

you friends.

Jesus comes

to invite us

to friendship

and to

have friendship

with Jesus

now today

is to find

the best

friend of

all.

One who

will be

there for

every journey

that life

takes us

on.

One who

promises to

be there for

His people

every time

we fall.

One who

warms us

by His

love.

One who

protects us

in His

strong grip.

He is the

one friend

we will

find who

is never

too

distracted

to spend

time with

us.

He's never

too busy

for us.

He's never

out of

reach from

us.

Ecclesiastes

reminds us

that friendship,

friendship with

one another,

friendship with

God, is the

supreme pleasure

of life.

It's something

that we were

made for.

It was

Charles Spurgeon,

famous,

Baptist

preacher from

London,

who said

that to

be happy

here, we

need to

have friends.

So let's

remind one

another that

we would be

pursuing

friendships,

that we

would be

prioritizing

people,

that we'd

be investing

in fellowship

in the

church.

But Spurgeon

also said to

be happy for

eternity,

we need to

find a friend

in Jesus.

Ecclesiastes

keeps speaking

to us about

life under

the sun,

which is a

time marker,

which is

speaking to

us of the

reality of

death and

eternity to

come.

And when we

think about

the reality

of death,

we recognize

that as the

end to

a friendship.

friendship,

and that is

the great

sorrow and

the great

burden we

face, the

great longing

in our

hearts is

that we

would find

a friend

and that

friend would

last forever.

Do you know

Ecclesiastes

tells us God

has set

eternity in

our hearts,

he's given

us that

longing and

that longing

is met

when Jesus

is our

friend,

when our

faith is

in him.

and in

the work

of Jesus

dying and

rising to

pay for our

sin and to

give us

salvation,

in his

work we

find eternal

gain,

that trusting

in Jesus we

have that

promise of

eternal

friendship with

all who have

ever loved

Jesus in

the past,

and eternal

friendship and

fellowship with

Jesus himself.

To our

better than

one,

and especially

when the

one is

Jesus.

Let's pray

together.

Our

Father,

we give you

thanks that

from the

beginning of

creation you

recognized and

you said that

it was not

good for a

man to be

alone, for a

person to be

alone, that

you made

us for

friendship.

We thank

you for the

friends and

the family that

you have given

to us, and

we ask that

you would help

us to be

good friends.

We all know

the challenge

that there has

been over the

last couple of

years because of

restrictions and

lockdowns and

getting used to

meeting and

spending time

virtually and

digitally rather

other than

face to

face.

But Lord, we

pray that you

would help us

to pursue

friendship, to

make time for

others to

share the

sorrows and

the joys of

others.

Lord, we

pray that you

would remind

us that it's

not good for us

to be alone when

it comes to our

faith also,

people, that

you would

connect us

deeply to

Christian

friendship and

fellowship and

to public

worship so

that we can

find help and

strength and

encouragement,

that we can be

doing all those

one another's,

that we can be

showing love.

And we also

remember the

importance in

your wisdom of

the Christian

church and the

Christian family

giving a

picture of

your great

love to the

world.

By this all

men will know

that you are my

disciples, Jesus

said, if you

have love for

one another.

That requires us

to be together.

And so we pray

that you would

strengthen our

fellowship, increase

our unity.

Lord, we pray

for those who

are particularly

lonely today,

in our church,

in our family,

in our community.

We know that

there are many.

We know that

life is hard,

that the last

two years have

been so hard

for many people.

And so we pray

for comfort.

And we pray that

you would grant

to us wisdom

to know how

to reach out

to others,

how to sacrifice

time and our

own independence

for the good

of others.

But we also

pray most of

all that in

people's loneliness

there would be

an understanding

that you have

given Jesus

to be a

friend who

will always

stick by his

people so that

people might

turn to him.

Lord, we also

continue to

think about

the situation

in the Ukraine.

We think about

the sadness

of families

being separated

because of war,

some staying

and some fleeing,

some fighting

and some running

for shelter.

people

are

going to

be a

father.

Lord, we pray that

you would

spare life,

that you would

in the fullness

of time

restore families.

Lord, we pray

that you would

in your mercy

and in your

wisdom,

that you would

intervene

to stop

evil plans

and evil

purposes.

Lord, that the

influence of

Jesus, the

Prince of Peace,

would be

powerfully

felt.

Lord, again, we

thank you for

your church in

Ukraine.

We pray for

them today,

asking that they

would have

an opportunity

to worship

in peace

and in

freedom.

Lord, help

them to

persevere, help

them to

love their

neighbours well

and Lord, even

help your

people to love

their enemies.

Lord, we pray

for those who

can't meet

and who

can't worship

because they

don't have

freedom and

they don't

have peace

and they

face persecution,

not just in

Ukraine but

all around the

world.

Father, sometimes

we take those

things so for

granted.

We pray for

those who don't

have that luxury

asking that you

would draw near,

thanking you that

you continue to

build your

church and

that no

empire and no

hostile purpose

will ever

prevail over

your church.

So we pray

that you would

be with us

in this day

and in this

new week.

We ask that

you would give

us wisdom,

wisdom to

know how to

live at work

and in our

families and

with our

friends so

that we might

live for your

glory.

We pray in

Jesus' name.

God bless you.

God bless you.

God bless you.

God bless you.

God bless you.

He will forgive you.

God bless you.

God bless you.