Christian Counter-Culture: Wives and Husbands

Father, sometimes your word says things which go so against our culture,

it's hard for us to even feel comfortable talking about your word.

And so, Father, sometimes when your word seems to go against what our culture considers wise,

we don't trust your wisdom.

And we also know, Father, that many sinful people have taken your word

and twisted it to their own power and their own advantage.

And we confess before you, Father, that there is a part in us,

that it's not just other people, but there is a part within each one of us

that likes to twist your word for our own power, our own advantage.

We ask, Father, that you would do a mighty but gentle work in each of our hearts and minds this morning,

that the Holy Spirit would come with might and power and deep conviction

that you would grip us with the gospel, with who Jesus is and what he did for us

so that by faith in him we can be made right with you, all out of love, all out of love.

And so, Father, we ask that your Holy Spirit would so bring the gospel home to us,

that our hearts are quiet and trusting,

that we might understand your word and learn to live it.

And all this we ask in the name of Jesus, your Son and our Savior. Amen.

Please be seated.

So, here's what the Bible says.

Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.

In any lesson about how to preach,

they always say that it's best to get something that grabs people's attention right from the beginning.

Usually, it doesn't mean reading the Bible right away.

Those of you who are watching who aren't Christians,

that doesn't usually grip Christians' hearts right away, reading the Bible.

But saying, wives, submit to your husbands,

that qualifies as a very good way to grip people's attention right from the beginning.

So, that's what the Bible says.

Why are we even reading this?

One of the things that we do at this church is that we preach through books of the Bible,

as a general rule.

Not all the time, not 52 weeks a year.

Our Christmas sermons will be about particular texts of the Bible,

but we preach through books of the Bible.

And one of the reasons that we,

there's several reasons we preach through books of the Bible.

First of all, everything in the Bible was written as a book.

So, when you preach through the Bible as a book,

you're actually reading it in the way that it was first heard,

the way that God, in a sense, and the authors intended it to be read and to be understood.

And by doing this, it's also the way, then, that's most helpful for Christians.

It means that we're allowing the Bible to set the agenda for us as Christians.

We're looking at things that we might not normally look at.

I can tell you, I am very, very, very, very, very Canadian.

And in my Canadian bones, I would not read this text in church and preach on it.

I'm just going to be very honest with you.

In fact, I'll also say that for many years, I wouldn't have preached on a text like this.

I would have found some way to dodge around it.

That's not something I'm boasting about.

It's something that I'm confessing.

But it's actually, in fact, the most helpful way for Christians to grow and learn

is by reading through the book.

And we look at things that I would not normally pick and that we wouldn't normally pick, maybe as a congregation.

It's also the most helpful way for non-Christians who are trying to figure out the Christian faith.

It'd be very easy if you went to a church that only preached on, well, whatever the church happened to think was important to preach on.

And there'd be this whole realm of things which are uncomfortable topics, inconvenient aspects of the Christian faith,

and that you would be left in the dark on, and then maybe even bothered very much if down the road you discovered

that if you're to be a Christian, you're supposed to believe it.

By reading through books of the Bible, we come upon these inconvenient texts from a Canadian perspective.

So, we're going to be looking, of course, at other verses, but once again it says this,

Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Now, many people who are watching, or many of you who are here,

probably have certain types of things that go through your mind.

George, don't you know that this text is very offensive?

Yes, I do know that it's very offensive to most Canadians,

including maybe the majority of Canadian Christians.

Don't you know, George, that there's this thing called wife abuse?

And don't you think a text like this will just give power, empower abusers?

I do know that there's wife abuse.

I mean, I know that there's wife abuse.

I don't think this text empowers abusers, but I know that there is wife abuse.

George, don't you think this text is offensive to Canadians

because it denies the idea of men and women being equal?

Don't you think you should empower women rather than disempowering them?

Don't you think, George, that marriages would be worse if this was followed?

And once again, George, don't you think this would legitimize and empower abuse?

I'm aware that these are all the types of questions that Canadians,

including Canadian Christians, have when they hear this text.

So let's walk towards the text and see what's there and why it's there,

and let's try to have a conversation about it.

But before we get any further into actually looking at the text,

I want you to grant me some mercy.

And this isn't a gotcha moment.

I'm not trying to getcha, have a smile, I gotcha.

But let's just be honest that when we talk about texts like this,

where the wife is asked to submit and the husband is asked to love,

the obvious question is why aren't husbands asked to submit and wives asked to love?

Or why don't both submit and why don't both love?

Why is it that this text seems to be picking on women and giving men a pass?

They get to just love.

Women have to submit.

So why is it different?

Doesn't this undermine equality?

Just before we get any further in the text,

let's just acknowledge that Canadians are...

Our culture empowers us to believe contradictory things at the same time

without realizing that they're contradictory.

This is what I just want you to give me a bit of mercy about.

But I would suggest that our culture regularly allows us to hold

three contradictory beliefs in our heads at all times

without ever thinking that they're contradictory, but they are contradictory.

And any time that I've had a conversation with us,

at any depth in a coffee place or some other place about this text,

often what happens is people go from one contradictory objection to another

without ever having the self-knowledge

that the ideas, in fact, are very contradictory.

Well, what are these three contradictory beliefs?

The three contradictory beliefs is that women and men are fundamentally equal.

In fact, it used to be said, an old feminist slogan,

that men and women are the same.

The only thing that was different is the plumbing.

But they're fundamentally the same.

Then people will go to another idea,

which would basically be that one of the problems is

that we don't have enough women in particular positions.

And why do we need women in particular positions?

Well, because there's things that women bring to organizations and leadership

that men don't bring.

In other words, that women, in fact, and men are fundamentally different.

And then you can have another go talking, trying to deal with another thing,

trying to deal with this for a couple of minutes,

and all of a sudden they'll tell you,

but by the way, don't you realize that men and women are just a...

Male and female, men and women, is just a social construct.

Now, once again, this isn't a gotcha moment.

This is just...

It's very hard to have a conversation about a text like this

when we're dealing with people holding three contradictory ideas in their head

at the same time without any realization whatsoever that they're contradictory.

Because really, you can't say all those three things at the same time.

You have to choose one of those three.

Fundamentally, you have to choose.

If, in fact, men and women are fundamentally the same,

then, in a sense, you have to say,

it doesn't matter whether there's women in boardrooms.

But if, in fact, you think that it's important to have women in boardrooms

as well as men because of the differences they bring,

then that first belief doesn't work.

And none of them make any sense if all you're going to say

is that male and female, men and being a man and being a woman

is just a social construct.

Well, then, none of that stuff makes sense.

Like, how can we even have a conversation?

You have to choose.

If it's just a construct, well, then,

why do we need more women in a position or more men in a position?

Or why are they equal if it's just a...

Like, you've got to choose.

You've got to choose.

So I guess I'm just asking,

if you just pause for a second and realize

that rather than Canada and the wisdom of Canada,

in fact, being wise,

that at a fundamental level it's incoherent.

Now, I'm not saying it's not incoherent

amongst some of the leading thinkers

who might be very, very laser-focused on particular ideas,

but for the average Canadian,

the problem we come with the text

is that we have an unconscious,

not an unconscious bias,

but an unconscious confusion.

And because of our unconscious confusion,

we can't actually begin to listen to the text.

And just before we go any further,

I just want to say,

in terms of those three confusions,

and I'd have to do several sermons on each of them,

I'm just going to make the particular claim,

that there is no ideology,

no religion in the world

that gives a stronger basis

for the equality of men and women

than the Christian faith.

Absolutely none.

The Bible roots the equality of men and women

in its very story of creation.

Evolution doesn't give that.

Secular evolutionary,

neo-Darwinian doesn't give that.

Neither does Hinduism,

neither does Buddhism,

neither does Islam.

And given that

neo-evolutionary theory

is the basis of secularism

and Marxism

and other types of things,

it gives no basis

for the fundamental equality of women

as the way that the Bible does.

The Bible is the source

of all secular belief

of the equality of men and women,

whether it's recognized or not.

I make no apologies for it.

In fact, it is the case.

The Bible also shows,

it would also claim very wisely

that male and female

are created biological realities

and that there is an effect.

The Bible is very, very wise

if you read it

from the beginning to the end.

It doesn't hold up

a picture of masculinity.

It doesn't hold up

a picture of femininity.

It very wisely says

that in fact

there is something

about being biologically male

that is connected

to what it means to be a man

and there is something

about being biologically female

which is connected

to what it means

to be a woman

but there is a lot

of flexibility

in what that precisely means.

A lot of room

for cultural context

but it maintains

that in fact

there is a difference.

In fact,

one of the problems

that people have

with the Bible text

is that this

and you can see it here

in the text,

I'm using a big word,

it's called

asymmetric commands,

asymmetric commands

is that when it comes

to the husband and wife

and other types of roles

in the Bible,

there's this regular

asymmetric command.

It even goes back

to the creation story

where the husband

has certain commands

and the wife

has certain commands

and they're not the same,

they're different.

The Bible acknowledges

that there is

this creational reality

that will work itself

out in certain ways

but it doesn't dictate

what it means

to be masculine,

what it means

to be feminine.

And for those of us

who are watching

and those of us

who are here,

if you are one

of many, many Canadians

who feel not at home

in your body,

that your body

is somehow wrong

to who you are,

the Bible only has

compassion for you

and Christians

should only have

compassion for you.

That must be so hard

to feel as if you were

in the completely wrong body

and all I can say

is that Jesus loves you

and that he desires you

to learn his yoke

so that you can walk

with him

as your Savior and Lord

as you deal

with how hard

it must be,

how hard it must be

to feel not at home

in your own body.

But the Bible will always,

healing will always

be in the direction

towards being at home

in your body.

That's always the direction

the healing will be.

And I,

so I think the Bible

in fact is very wise

in general,

but what about

this particular text?

George?

Okay, you're going to

give us a bit of a moment.

You've said,

we're going to let,

George,

you've asked that

some mercy could be

shown to you

because in fact

Canadians are a bit

confused about

what it actually means

to think about

men and women.

So what does the Bible say?

What does it actually say?

Well, before we get into

what the Bible says,

there's two other things

we need to deal with.

The first one is that,

and here I might be

offending some of you,

and I might be offending

some of you

who are watching this online.

I take no delight

in offending people.

But many, many

Canadian

and Western

Christians,

very, very well-meaning,

go in very, very wrong

directions about

trying to read this text.

Intentions are very good,

but in fact,

what is ended up

suggesting is not at all

what the Bible teaches

and isn't really

in keeping with

the Christian faith,

isn't in keeping

with the Bible.

First of all,

people might say,

is there something

in the Greek,

the original language,

which softens

the blow of the text?

In fact,

there isn't anything

in this particular text

that softens it.

Submit is a very,

very good word.

It has a non,

I'll talk about it

in a moment,

it has a military

and a non-military usage.

And I can say

that one of the problems

of Christian interpreters

is that there are

many Christian interpreters

making an opposite error.

There are a minority

in the Christian church

in Canada,

but there are many

Christian interpreters

who interpret

the word submit

in its military context

as if it applies

to wives,

not in its

non-military usage.

So they,

in fact,

create,

I've now offended

a whole pile of

certain type of tradition

by saying that,

but that's,

in fact,

the case.

Why on earth

would you think

that a wife

and a husband

is a military context?

Like,

that doesn't make sense.

Maybe I'll get

some angry emails

over this.

But the more common one

is,

there's no particular

help in the Greek,

the more common things

is to say

that a text like this

is culturally limited.

That it applied

in Colossians,

but it doesn't

necessarily apply today.

And all I would say

is if you take that

as your way

of reading the Bible,

nothing in the Bible,

you might as well

just throw the Bible

right out the window

and out of the garbage.

Why then pick

this particular text?

Why not talk about

Jesus rising from the dead

or him being

the firstborn

of all creation

or the firstborn?

Like,

why pick anything

and say,

okay,

that stuff is universal,

but this is,

like,

there's no reason

to read the text

and say this is

culturally limited.

There's absolutely

no reason to read it.

That's just something

that we throw in.

And some people

will say,

and this is correct,

but they draw

a wrong conclusion

from it.

They will say that,

well,

you have a text

like this

and given the culture

of Rome

at the time

this was written,

this was a very,

very radical text

because in the

household codes,

and this is called

the household code

and the household codes

in the time

that the Bible

was written,

in fact,

the household code

would only talk

to the man.

It wouldn't talk

about children

or slaves

or wives

or anything

like that.

The basically,

would have been

good to be a man

back then,

I'm just joking,

it wouldn't be.

The man was

the dictator.

He was the dictator

of the wife,

the dictator

of the children,

and the dictator

of the slaves,

and they just

had to salute.

And so people

will say,

well,

you know,

it's not a very

good text for today,

but back in its day

it was quite radical.

And then if you

see the trajectory,

but the problem

was with all

trajectory arguments,

that's just another

way of saying

that we don't have

to pay any attention

to the text.

Because even if

it looks good

within that context

back then,

it still sucks today.

And to merely say

that it's pointing

in the direction

of today,

in terms of our

secular wisdom,

then it's not

leaving us very far ahead.

That's been a long

introduction to the text.

So George,

what on earth

is the text saying?

Well,

the text,

all texts in the Bible

are always addressing

part of human experience

and human problems.

If I was

preaching this

in a text,

a country that

had arranged marriages,

it would be speaking

very directly

into that problem,

the problems

that go with

arranged marriages.

If I was speaking

in a culture

where there was

polygamy,

it would speak

very directly

into cultural issues

connected to that.

In our day,

I would say

that in Canada

right now,

and this is

maybe a general

human problem,

but it's a special

problem in Canada,

is that we tend

to think of marriage

in terms of love

and in terms of power

without realizing

that the two,

the way we frame

the discussions

about marriage

in our culture

are fundamentally

contradictory.

Because,

you see,

you can't have

power in love,

at least not

very simply.

Part of what love

means is to surrender

your power.

But if we want

to enter into marriage

as a way to empower us

and maintain our power,

and yet love calls us

to surrender our power,

it means that the very

heart of all modern

advice about marriage

is a fundamental

contradiction.

How is it

that I am to love,

which is what I really

want,

and to be loved,

and have to surrender

my power?

Because that's what

you have to do with love,

isn't it?

It's a type of

self-effacing.

You don't think about

yourself,

you're thinking about

the other.

You're not thinking

about your rights,

you're thinking about

the other.

You're not reveling

in your power.

That's just a type

of abuse.

You're reveling

in this mutual

type of love

and of giving

of yourself,

and that's what

we want,

that's what we desire,

yet at the same time

to do that

always means

giving up power.

And whenever

things start to go

wrong in a marriage,

often what happens

is we don't

think of in Canada

going toward

deeper into love,

we immediately

start to think

about power

and how to

protect ourselves.

So how is it

that this text

might speak wisdom

into the human

problems and the

human experiences

that we have today?

In fact,

I'm going to say

that Christians

should meditate

upon this text,

believe this text,

and it's part of

the oldest

sexual revolution,

the perennial

sexual revolution

that comes from

the Bible,

which is in fact

always wiser

than the culture's

wisdom about

marriage and

about sexuality.

So let's look

at the text again.

Now I'm going to

begin by reading

at verse 17.

I think the text

should be up there

in the Bible.

And this,

by the way,

isn't just an

arbitrary thing,

there's a

grammatic reason.

At the original

language,

there's a

grammatical reason

that verse 17

in fact is

connected

grammatically

and by grammar

with verses

18,

19,

20,

21,

and all the

verses that

follow.

And what I'm

going to suggest

is that if you

understand that

even though like

in my Bible,

and these things

like little headings,

rules for Christian

households,

and all of that

type of stuff,

that's added by

translators to help

you understand it.

But in an odd way,

it actually makes it

harder when you put

something like rules

for Christian households

as if you have

this topic that

ends at verse 17

and now you begin

a completely new

topic.

The way to

understand the text,

I think,

grammatically,

is to understand

that verse 17

is both a text

that's bringing

all of the stuff

that's gone before

into a big

conclusion,

and whatever you

do in word or

deed,

do everything in

the name of

the Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to

God the Father

through him.

That's bringing

everything that

went through to

conclusion,

bringing it to

a real sharp

focus,

that once you

commit to

allowing God

to be the one

to grow you

rather than

growing yourself,

that God

has to grow you,

God has to be

the one to fit

you for heaven,

that you set

your mind in

Christ in all

his risen,

sovereign,

Trinitarian glory,

that you put

off pride,

and anger,

and love,

and envy,

and greed,

and gluttony,

and lust.

You put all

those things

off.

You put on

humility,

meekness,

love,

gentleness,

faithfulness,

you put these

things on,

you let Christ,

you give him

permission to

rule in your

heart,

to speak into

your heart,

and then it

comes to this

wonderful phrase,

and whatever you

do in word or

deed,

do everything in

the name of the

Lord Jesus,

giving thanks to

God the Father

through him.

And that's not

just the culmination

of what's gone

before,

it is also the

marching orders

for everything

that goes on

next.

It's the

marching orders

for everything

that goes on

next.

So it's as if

God speaking

through his

word has said,

okay,

George,

whatever you

do in word

or deed,

do everything

in the name

of the Lord

Jesus,

giving thanks

to God

the Father

through him.

Louise,

whatever you

do in word

or deed,

do everything

in the name

of the Lord

Jesus,

giving thanks

to God

the Father

through him.

Owen and

Shannon,

for each of

you,

whatever you

do in word

or deed,

do everything

in the name

of the Lord

Jesus,

giving thanks

to God

the Father

through him.

And we can

go all the

way through

all of the

different married

couples who

are part

of the

congregation.

And that's

the fundamental

marching orders.

The fundamental

marching orders.

And then in

verse 18,

and this

sometimes

troubles people

at the level

of the grammar

of the original

language when it

says wives,

submit to your

husbands as

is fitting to

the Lord.

The way the

word wives

is used is

in the

grammatic

construction,

the original

language.

It implies

they're inferior.

But the

Bible is so

funny.

God is a

trickster.

Because this

could really

bother you.

But then you

read the next

phrase,

husbands,

love your

wives and do

not be harsh

with them.

And at the

level of the

grammar,

husbands are

described in

an inferior

position.

Both of

them described

equally as

inferior positions.

positions.

Why are they

both in

inferior positions?

Because all

the way through

the text,

there's only

one Lord.

If your

quest is for

power,

there's only

one Lord.

And who is it?

It's not the

husband.

It's not the

wife.

It is the

Lord Jesus

Christ.

He's the

only Lord in

the entire

text.

And so

relative to

my wife,

we are both

in inferior

positions relative

to Jesus who

died because

he loved us

so much.

For God so

loved the

world that he

gave his only

begotten son to

the end that

all who believe

in him will

not perish but

have everlasting

life.

So that's the

first thing.

The second

thing in it is

that it says,

is the word,

it's very,

very interesting,

that it says

for wives,

submit to your

husbands as is

fitting to the

Lord.

Husbands,

love your wives

and do not be

harsh with them.

Children,

obey your parents

and everything

for this

pleases the

Lord.

Fathers,

do not provoke

your children

or basically

the word there

is to make

them embittered

or to

discourage

them,

to break

their hearts,

break their

wills.

Given that

parents,

and by the way,

the other thing

which is very

neat here is

that really the

word father

should be

translated as

parents.

There's a bit

of a grammatical

argument for it,

but in fact the

word should be

translated as

mother and

father.

And it's very

interesting that

the contrast is

that one of

the,

and I'll talk

about it more,

I'm not going to

talk about parents

and children very

much in this

sermon because of

the big issue of

husbands and wives,

but children are

given the task or

the quest to

obey,

and parents who

get to in a

sense provide

orders to them

are given the

warning that it's

possible for them

to do this in

such a way that it

breaks their

spirit.

It breaks them.

And we have

seen parents who

are so harsh,

all of us know

parents who are so

harsh with their

children that it's

broken them.

It's broken them.

And this is when it

says don't be harsh,

it's saying children

are to obey, but

gosh, really be

careful with this

because you could

break, you could

break their spirit.

That's not the

right thing.

Now here's the

missing piece in

the text.

In a non-military

sense, in a

military sense, the

word submission would

be very similar to

the word obey.

This is obviously

not in a military

case.

And in a military

case, the

submission means a

voluntary attitude of

giving in, of

cooperating with the

one who's in a

sense in authority.

It's also, it can

be used to carry a

burden.

And some of you

might say, if you

knew my husband, to

submit to him would

be like carrying a

burden.

Sort of an

interesting thing.

But here's the

primary mystery in

the text.

And Andrew, if you

could put up the

first point, that

would be very

handy.

The Lord gives

the wife the

quest to submit

to her husband, but

the husband is not

given the power to

command.

The Lord gives

the husband the

quest to self-eathing

self-effacingly love

his wife.

But the wife is not

given the power to

demand.

I'm going to say it

again.

It's on the screen.

This is part of the

great mystery of the

text.

The Lord gives the

wife the quest, not

the duty, not the

task, not the job,

but the quest.

Why do I say the

quest?

Well, because what

does verse 17 say?

We have this great

quest.

The great quest is

that in verse 17,

whatever I do in

word or deed, do

everything in the

name of the Lord

Jesus, giving thanks

to God the Father

through him.

This is this great

quest.

I'm on this great

quest that I can do

everything in the

name of Jesus so that

he will be seen as

great, that he will

be glorified, that

the world will want

to know him, that

people will want to

praise him.

That's this great

quest, that he will

have the supremacy in

all things.

It's a great quest.

The Lord gives the

wife the quest to

submit to her husband,

but the husband is not

given the power to

command the wife.

In fact, look at the

text very carefully.

First of all, it's

using the word submit,

not obey.

Paul could have used

the word obey if

that's what he meant,

but he doesn't use the

word obey, he uses the

word submit, which is a

voluntary word.

And he uses it, and

you'd think, and I've

used those of you who

have heard me on talk

on related texts like

this, you know, in a

sense, you know, Jenny,

who's the admin person,

you know, in Canadian

law and everything like

that, I can tell her to

do certain things and she

has to do it.

If she stopped doing

things I asked her to do

that were within the

normal legal rights, we

could fire her.

And so, when you see

the language here of the

wife submitting to the

husband, you would

expect then that there

would be some type of

description given to the

husband about how it is

that he can order his

wife or the type of

commands that he could

give her or what's in

bounds and out of bounds.

But in fact, it's not

there.

When it comes time to

speak to the husband,

it's as if God forgets

that he's just given the

wife a task to submit

and God gives a

completely different

command to the husband

and it has nothing to

do with being able to

order his wife.

You see, here's the

problem.

Because this makes no

sense to the world

and we're part of the

world, we add things to

the text about the

husband's ability to make

certain types of orders.

We have books that

describe what he can and

cannot do or what the

wife has to do and

doesn't have to do, but

the text doesn't say any

of these things.

The fact of the matter

is that the Lord gives

the wife the quest to

submit to her husband,

but the husband is not

given the power to

command.

And the Lord gives the

husband the quest to

self-effacingly love his

wife, but the wife is

not given the power to

demand.

And the word here,

which is used for love,

I've tried to give it in

my point as self-

effacingly loving.

So it's not the word

for romance, it's not

the word for eros, in

other words, as long as

the husband gets to just

sexually know his wife

and she has to submit to

him, that's not what the

text is saying.

It's not saying the

husband gets to be all

romantic, but the wife

has to submit.

No, it's not talking about

that at all, but there's

lots of different words

for love in the original

language, well there's

four, and this one here

is very clear, it's the

word agape, and it's a

type of word for

self-effacing love.

In other words, it's the

type of love which is

consumed by thinking

about the other.

Self-effacing means you're

not thinking about

yourself, you're thinking

about the other, and

you're thinking about the

other for their true

good.

Affection can come into

it, emotions might or

might not come into it.

Like a perfect example of

self-effacing love is the

parent who has a baby that

starts waking up and

screaming at three in the

morning, or the toddler

nine months or a year old

and they have to go to

the bathroom or something

like that.

You might feel absolutely

zero affection for your

child at that moment.

In fact, zero might be a

high mark.

Your affectionate feelings

for the child at that

moment are probably

negative.

But you don't say, well,

you know, self-effacing

means you think about the

needs of the child.

I mean, you're also in a

sense thinking about

yourself so you can get

back to sleep, but you're

thinking of the needs of

the child.

You get up and you love

the child, thinking

primarily of them, dealing

with the poopy bum or the

wet diaper or whatever it

is, or the night fears or

tremors or whatever it is.

You self-effacingly love.

And that's what's going on

here in the text.

Remember I said that the

human problem we have is

how do we balance this need

for power and yet at the

same time the need that at

the very heart of all

things there's this aspect

of surrender.

And one of the things that

the Bible does here very,

very wisely is it puts the

same God.

See, the interesting thing

here about this is that the

God who's giving this

command from all eternity,

the Father has loved the

Son.

You're going to get being

bored with me saying these

things.

Of the Son from all

eternity having loved the

Father.

Of the Holy Spirit being the

love that goes from the

Father to the Son as well as

the Holy Spirit being a

person himself.

In a sense, the Son is

perennially submitting to the

Father's will while the

Father is perennially pouring

himself out for his Son and

revealing himself to the Son and

giving of himself to the Son as

the Son gives of himself to the

Father and the Holy Spirit.

It's this constant move of love

and delight and of giving and

that's the story of the whole

universe.

That's what is out of that

being, that triune God that the

universe has come into

existence.

It is for that reality, it is

from that reality that when we

fell, when we chose to think

that we were greater than God,

that we wanted to be the

center, that we wanted to be the

power, we wanted to be the

arbiter of right and wrong, that

the world had to revolve around

ourselves and creation gets

broken when Adam and Eve enters

into this understanding and God

in love sends his Son.

The Son submits to the Father

by saying, yes, I will set aside my

divine prerogatives, I will set

aside my appearance as God, I

will set aside all of those

things out of obedience to you

and out of love for human beings, I

will set all my prerogatives

aside and out of love for human

beings, I will descend into the

womb of the Virgin Mary, the

weakest of the weakest of the

weakest of the weakest to be a

zygote connected to Mary's womb.

I will enter the human race like

that so that I can do that great

act to save them that they cannot

do for themselves.

I will submit to Roman imperial

authority, I will submit to the

authority of my parents only without

sin, I will live a normal lower

working class life only without sin,

I will suffer the trials and

temptations that human beings

suffer only without sin, I will do

it all out of obedience and

submission to my Father and out of

love for human beings, and I will

become even poorer than poor by

taking upon myself all of the

wrongdoing that human beings have

done, I will be their sacrifice for

sin, I will take that upon myself, I

will do that out of submission to my

Father and out of love for human

beings, and I will die the death that

they deserve and that will be their

doom, I will take their doom upon

myself out of submission to my

Father and love for human beings.

And when we put our faith and trust

in Christ, he is doing all of that

so that the end of every single one

of our stories who have put our

faith and trust in Jesus, the end of

our stories, well that we can be in

the presence in the midst of the

Father loving the Son and the Son

loving the Father and the Holy Spirit

is the love itself, we will be in the

very middle of that reality.

And when that day comes, we will say,

my chains are gone, my heart is free.

We will say, free at last, free at last.

Praise God Almighty, I'm free at last.

Because God who designed you and me to

be in the midst of that reality from all

eternity without embarrassment, without

shame, but with great affection and

delight and to be filled by that,

everything that God is doing is to

prepare us for that day.

If you could put up the second point,

Andrew, I'm going to ask you to toggle

back to the first one in a moment.

Together the husband and wife illuminate

how God saves us in Jesus.

Do you notice that?

The Son's submission to the Father,

the Son's love for you and me.

That's part of the great quest for the

husband and the wife is how can I so live

with?

Louise is vastly better than I am.

She's not perfect, just like I'm vastly

more imperfect than her.

Every marriage has to figure out how to

solve and how to survive the sinfulness

of your own heart and the sinfulness of

the other.

And there's this great quest of how can I

so live with Louise and how can she so

live with me?

That how God saves human beings is

illuminated to our children.

To the church and to the world.

It's a great quest.

Now because the wife embarks on this quest

at the command of Jesus, who's given her this

task.

And because the husband embarks on this quest

at the command of Jesus, who gives him this text.

It means, and because the husband isn't given the

power to command his wife and the wife isn't given the

power to demand of her husband.

It means that both the husband and the wife need to

have very serious regular conversations, not only with

each other, but more importantly with Jesus.

And the shape of the other will determine the shape of what that

submission looks like.

And this text nowhere that forbids, I mean, if the husband or the wife

commits adultery, there might be the possibility of the marriage coming to

the end if there's abuse that has to be dealt with.

This text doesn't tell the wife to submit to any type of abuse.

Why?

Remember, she's submitting, but she's doing it for Jesus' sake, to show his

glory and submitting to abuse doesn't illuminate how Jesus came to save us.

He was meek, but not weak.

Meekness requires strength.

People who are weak can't really be gentle.

Those of us who are strong need to learn to be gentle.

And so when you have a very, very, very bad husband, the shape of what that

quest for submission will look like will be very, very, very, very, very

different than a husband who's trying to embody this self-effacing love.

That's why, you see, the text isn't absolute.

I mean, it's absolute on one level, but it's not absolute in terms of what the

other person is like.

This quest of what it would mean to submit and this quest of what it means to

self-effacingly love is going to be shaped by the life of the other.

But it's still the quest that I'm to embark on as a husband.

And those of you who are wives, husbands have the same quest, and those of you who

are wives have the same quest of submission.

The beauty of this text is that it is all part of this wonderful story where the end is that

you embark on this quest, not just by yourself.

That's why verse 17 is so important.

Whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks

to God the Father through him.

You do it in Jesus, with Jesus, for his glory, within the limits that he is going to set,

not your husband, not your wife, the limits that he will set.

To have this great task of illuminating how God saves us in the person of Jesus, knowing

that when we put ourselves in a posture of attempting to obey this text for the glory of God, that

God in his grace will do this work of transformation in us.

Even if part of what it means to lovingly submit to your husband means to say you have to stop

the abuse.

The text doesn't say you never say that, right?

Because it's voluntary.

It's done in the honor of Christ.

It's done in a way to illuminate Christ.

It's done in keeping with the end of the story.

And it's a posture whereby to the best that you can figure out in this particular mess,

that the way forward in the way of this mess isn't necessarily to cling to your power,

but to cling to Jesus and the task that he's given you within the limits of how your life

is working out, which can be talked about in the context of a congregation committed to

the word, but hopefully wisely, that you put yourself in this position where God's grace

can work.

That's the quest, to put yourself in a position where God's grace can work.

Please stand.

Andrew, could you put up the first slide again for me, please?

The Lord gives the wife the quest to submit to her husband, but the husband is not given

the power to command.

The Lord gives the husband the quest to self-effacingly love his wife, but the wife is not given the

power to demand.

Why is it that God organized it this way rather than another?

I am the vaguest idea in the world.

Nobody does.

But that's how he's put it.

We know he's good and wise.

We know he only loves us.

We know he's preparing us for an eternity with him.

And it is part of this whole mystery, this whole mystery that somehow a husband and wife,

sinners though they are, but under the lordship of Christ, knowing that he is their savior,

that there might be this means by which somehow or another through this living these quests,

that people can look at them and have some sense of what it means that Jesus came to die on the cross to save us.

Let's bow our heads in prayer.

Father, this text goes against the grain for how we normally think.

And Father, we know that you don't deny us means of police or jobs or protections,

and you don't deny us to use those things when they are necessary.

And sometimes in marriages, they really are necessary and need to be taken.

But we give you thanks and praise, Father, that for those of us who are called to the holiest state of matrimony,

that you are the savior and the lord of our marriages, just as you are the savior and the lord of each of our lives.

And we give you thanks and praise that you have given us a quest,

some great task that we can accomplish for your glory,

some great way to illuminate the gospel,

some great way to trust that you are good and that what your word says is good and true,

some great way that we can trust that if we put ourselves in a posture of obedience,

that it is the means by which your grace comes to change and transform us and to fit us for that glorious day

when we will spend all eternity with you and the Son and the Holy Spirit

in the love and delight and affection and beauty and glory

that flows unendingly between the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,

that that is our end, that that is our destiny.

And to have that not just as ourselves, but in the company of others,

all the others from every age and every race and every nation who put their faith and trust in you.

And so, Father, we thank you for this great word of yours,

this great way of live, this great quest for those of us in marriage.

And we ask, Father, that the Holy Spirit would move with might and power and deep conviction in each of our lives,

that we might die to sin and put on virtue,

that we might let Jesus speak deeply into each of our hearts to rule,

that we will do everything in the name of Jesus for the honor and glory of the Father,

and that, Father, for me as a husband, that I will learn more and more how to self-effacingly love my wife,

and for the wives who are here, that they will learn how to submit to their husband as is fitting to the Lord.

Father, we ask for your help, and we give you thanks and praise that you hear and you help.

And all these things we ask in the name of Jesus, your Son and our Savior. Amen.