God's View of Marriage

The scripture reading comes from Genesis 1 and Matthew 19.

Please follow along on the screen, the bulletin of your own Bible.

Starting in verses Genesis 1, 26, we read,

Then God said,

Let us make men in our image, after our likeness,

and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea,

and over the birds of the heavens,

and over the livestock, and over all the earth,

and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.

So God created men in his own image.

In the image of God he created him.

Male and female he created them.

And God blessed them.

And God said to them,

Be fruitful, and multiply,

and fill the earth and subdue it,

and have dominion over the fish of the sea,

and over the birds of the heavens,

and over every living thing that moves on the earth.

Then in Matthew 19, 3, we read,

And Pharisees came up to him and test him by asking,

Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?

He answered,

Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,

and said,

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother,

and hold fast to his wife,

and the two shall become one flesh.

So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Whatever God has joined together,

let not men separate.

This is the word of God.

Thank you, Nikki.

Well, everybody, it is wonderful to be back with you.

It's great to see a couple of faces we haven't seen for a while.

And if you are new to Watermark, my name is Kevin, one of the leaders here.

It's really great to have you with us this morning.

Will you join me?

Let's pray together as we dive into this.

So let's pray.

Father, as we come to your word this morning,

like we do every week,

we come to your word because we want to hear from you.

We want to hear the life-giving word of the living God speaking to our souls.

Father, we don't come to church just to hear some interesting advice or some humanistic wisdom.

God, we've come to the ancient of days, God,

the one who has existed from eternity and whose ways are perfect,

who, as we sang about earlier,

whose law is perfect, who revives our souls.

And so this morning as we come to your word,

we do pray that you will revive our souls.

We pray, God, that as we look at this subject of marriage and relationships,

that you will revive our marriages.

God, we come this morning not because we're perfect or we have it together.

It's so tempting to come to church with a brave face

and to act like we have it together.

God, the reality is all of us need your grace.

And so this morning come and flood us with your grace.

Flood us with your mercy.

God, for those of us that carry shame,

flood us with your grace, we pray this morning.

God, won't you call us back to yourself?

Help us to fix our eyes on you, the living God.

God, this morning as we think about the subject of marriage and relationships and family,

we bring our city before you.

This wonderful city of Hong Kong that we love so much

and yet which carries so much pain in the area of family and homes.

God, won't you come and heal our city?

Won't you come and heal the families in our city?

Won't you come and heal and restore relationships?

God, we pray.

God, may your church and followers of Jesus be a light in this city

and be an agent of hope and healing in this world, we pray.

And so come and start off by doing a work in our own hearts, Lord.

Come and revive us.

Come and heal us, Lord God, and help us and send us out to be agents of grace in this city.

We pray this, Christ, in your wonderful and your very faithful name.

Amen.

Amen.

When I was about nine or ten years old, somewhere around there,

my family was on holiday at my grandparents' house,

which is on the southern coast of South Africa,

in a town called Port Elizabeth.

And it was Christmas Day,

and normally it's summertime in the southern hemisphere of Christmas,

but this day was miserable.

It was cold and windy and wet and rainy,

and it wasn't a great day.

The afternoon, it cleared up a little bit,

but my family decided to go to the beach and fly some kites.

And so I went down to the beach to fly the kites,

but because it was such a miserable day,

there was no one else on the beach.

We were the only family there.

But after a while, I got bored with flying kites,

and so I said to my dad,

I'm going to go swim in the sea.

And so my dad said,

just be careful, but okay, I'm watching you.

And because it was such a miserable day,

the waves were a bit more rough than usual,

and the lifeguards had decided,

listen, there's no one swimming,

we can pack up and go home.

And so I'm in the sea, I'm swimming a little bit,

but what I didn't realize was there's a rip current

that was pulling me out.

And by the time I realized this,

I was too far gone,

and I wasn't strong enough to swim back to shore.

Fortunately, my dad was on the shore

and could see what was happening.

And so he ran up to the car park,

and he found the last lifeguard

was getting in his car on his way home.

And my dad got his attention,

and the guy ran down to the beach,

and suffice to say, he did his job fairly well, right?

I'm still standing here today.

Now, I tell you that story

because we're starting a series today

called Gender, Sex, Relationships, and God.

And we're going to be looking over the next five or six weeks

at these big topics and areas of life.

And the reason why we're doing this

is because as citizens in our city in which we live,

we live in a culture which is changing so quickly

and so ferociously in a way

that as we live our lives,

we don't realize some of the currents that we're swimming in.

I don't think we do it in Hong Kong,

at least I haven't seen it yet,

but in many other countries around the world,

the lifeguards will put flags up in the sand,

and they'll tell you,

listen, swim between these flags, right?

If you swim outside of these flags,

there are currents out there,

and you can find yourself in danger

in a difficult water.

But if you stay within these flagpoles,

that's a safe area to swim.

And in some ways,

what we want to do in this series

is we want to raise the flag again

and say,

what does God have to say

about these really important areas of life

so that we don't find ourselves

being swept away by the currents of our culture

and we find ourselves in difficult waters?

Okay?

Sorry.

Now, just, by the way,

we have this book called

The Meaning of Marriage.

There's a bunch of them here

and there's some outside.

This morning,

we're going to be talking about marriage.

And next week,

we're going to talk about sex.

The week after that,

we're going to talk about cohabitation,

living together outside of marriage.

The week after that,

we're going to talk about transgender

and gender issues.

And then the week after that,

we're going to talk about singleness.

Okay?

So that's where we're going.

This is one of the best books

you could ever read on marriage.

It's by Tim and Kathy Keller

from New York City.

I'll encourage you to get it

and read it if you haven't.

It's $100.

There's a bunch of copies here

or outside.

If you haven't,

just grab a copy,

drop $100 in the box.

I want to encourage you

to read that book.

Okay.

So let's think about marriage.

As society has become

more secularistic

in our worldview

and our ideology

and our thinking,

this has changed many things.

And one of the impact,

one of the areas it's impacted

is the way we view relationships

and marriage.

And so what is it

that our worldview,

our culture,

how do we think about marriage today?

Well, one of the things

that's happened

is we think of marriage

and relationships

as personal gratification.

It's about me

and what I can get out of it.

We approach relationships

to the viewpoint

of how is this relationship

going to add

or benefit my life?

How will this complete me?

Many people approach marriage

thinking this will fill

the void in my heart.

This will complete me.

And so we approach it

from a worldview

of personal gratification.

We also tend to think

of it, our culture,

thinks of marriage

and relationships

in very sentimental values

or sentimental terms.

So when I first started

officiating weddings

as a pastor

many years ago,

I would allow couples

to write their own vows.

Claire and I wrote

our own vows

and I thought,

this is a good idea.

But I quickly changed my mind.

And the reason is

because couples

would write their vows

but their vows

would be more

of a description

of how you make me feel

rather than a commitment

or vow of love, right?

So you get people

standing up

and saying things like,

you are the salmon

on my sushi roll,

you are the Nutella

on my bagel, you know.

And so I quickly

abandoned that idea

and said, no, no,

I'm going to give you

a proper vow to say.

You say,

for better or for worse,

richer or poorer,

that's a proper vow, right?

And so some of you,

I know,

are getting married soon.

Z and Helen

and Justin and Annabelle,

just a warning,

if you want to be involved

in your wedding,

there's not going to be

any Nutella

on your bagel

in the vows, okay?

But we tend to think

of marriage

and love

in very sentimental terms,

right?

There's this euphoric

kind of feeling

of sentimentality.

We also tend to think

of a good marriage

or relationship

is based on compatibility.

So two people

come together

and they've got

similar backgrounds,

similar culture,

they are emotionally

or financially,

even sexually compatible,

and if you can work out

how compatible you are,

you have the same

kind of socioeconomic class,

then we feel like,

okay,

this is going to be

a good marriage,

this is going to work.

And so that's kind

of the sentimental side.

On the other side,

we can think of relationships

very pragmatically.

And so sometimes

people approach relationships

with a viewpoint of

this is a human partnership,

right?

And so we've both

got a contribution

to bring,

you've got a contribution,

I've got a contribution.

If we come together,

this partnership

can work well

and together

the sum of our parts

will be something better

than we will individually.

And so one article

in the Harvard Journal

for Law and Public Policy

entitled,

What is Marriage?

summarized our kind

of modern view

like this.

It says,

we see marriage

as the union

of any two people

who commit to romantically

love and care for each other

and to share the burdens

and the benefits

of domestic life.

Okay,

that really sums it up.

Two people who commit

to romantically love

and care for each other

and share the burdens

and the benefits

of domestic life.

It's essentially

a union of hearts

and minds

and hands

enhanced

by whatever forms

of sexual intimacy

both partners

find agreeable.

And so what's happened

is as we've become

more secularistic

and more in our worldview

and our thinking,

as we've removed God

from the center

of our equation,

what's happened

is that we find

two major shifts

have taken place

in the way

that we think

about relationships

and marriage.

And this is summed up

so brilliantly

in a book

called Divine Sex

by Jonathan Grant

and James Smith.

And what they say

is this,

that essentially

as we've removed God

from the center

of our worldview,

we've necessarily

become more self-focused.

So we define relationships

and particularly marriage

in terms of myself

and how does this benefit me.

And secondly,

we necessarily deify

or idolize our partners.

So we look to our partners

and ask them

to satisfy

or do something for us

that historically

we realized

only God could do.

Listen to how

they describe it.

Now it's quite a long quote

so you're going to need

to bear with me

but I think

this sums it up

really well.

They say this,

because of our cultures

move away

from a belief in God

as the source of reality,

we've come to place

the full weight

of our identity

and our hopes

on the material

here in our existence.

Rather than becoming

free and expansive

and generous,

our relationships

have become narrow

and constrained,

having very little purpose

beyond themselves.

Okay,

that's a very important point.

This exclusive focus

has seismically

destabilized

our relationships

in two ways.

One,

the burden they bear

becomes overwhelming

because of the expectation

that all of our needs,

psychological,

emotional,

material,

sexual needs,

will be met

by one remarkable soulmate.

And two,

the very bond

that we crave

is now undermined

by the inwardly focused nature

of our desire

for the authentic self.

We do not so much

give ourselves

to a relationship

as expect the relationship

to give itself to us.

Our most intimate relationships

are looked to

by each partner

as a primary source

of happiness

and self-fulfillment

or actualization.

Am I getting what I need

from this relationship?

Does it make me happy?

Do the benefits

outweigh the costs?

Okay?

So do you see

what they're saying there?

As we've removed God

from the center of the equation,

fundamentally

these two things have happened.

We've become inward focused

and focused on ourselves

and we've put

this undue burden

and pressure

on the other partner

to satisfy us

and to give us

what historically

only God could give us.

And what they

so brilliantly explain

is that when we remove

God from the equation,

actually we form

this kind of bubble,

you know,

like market bubbles,

right?

When there's a lot of hype

but there's no substance

to underpin that hype.

In the same way,

the worldview

that's removed God

from the center of the equation

actually falls in on itself.

It cannot sustain

the hype

and the pressure

that we put upon it.

Augustine famously

said it like this,

in turning away from God,

we have intrinsically

turned in on ourselves.

But as we all know

that as we do that,

the self-focus

and self-absorption

is the very death

of any relationship

because the relationship

cannot handle

the pressure

that we put on it.

And so the consequences

of this

are devastating.

Someone put it like this,

to be lonely

is difficult,

to be married

and lonely

is utterly devastating.

And there are

tens of thousands,

millions of people

around the world

that are married

and utterly lonely

because they went

into marriage

thinking,

this person

is going to

fool me

and complete me

and their marriage

is not able

to live up to the hype

that we place on it.

We've traded

God's profound vision

for marriage

for cheap counterfeits

and we're left wondering

why it doesn't last,

why it doesn't satisfy.

Now in the book

of Jeremiah,

Jeremiah 6 · chapter mention

chapter 6,

there's this amazing verse.

I know we've spoken

about it quite a lot.

Jeremiah says this,

stand at the crossroads

and look,

ask for the ancient parts

where the good way is

and walk in it

and you will find rest

for your souls.

Ask for the ancient parts.

And so over and against

the secular

and exhausting view

of relationships

and marriage

and life and sexuality,

God invites us

to come back

to the ancient parts,

to the ways

of the ancient of days

and to find

what he has to say

which will both revitalize

but also satisfies.

Okay?

And so that's what we want

to do a little bit

this morning.

Now,

our modern secular culture

isn't the first culture

to try and reframe

and redefine

marriage and relationships.

In the passage

that Nikki read to us earlier,

Matthew 19,

some religious leaders

come to Jesus

and they want to do the same.

They're trying to ask Jesus

what is a legitimate marriage

and therefore

what does legitimate divorce

look like?

And they're trying to get

a handle and grasp

on what does marriage

really look like.

And what Jesus does

is he goes back

to Genesis 1 and 2,

back to the very origins

of God's design for marriage

and he answers them

that way.

And so let's look

at this passage again.

I'm going to read

just Matthew 19 to us again

and then we're going

to see what Jesus says.

So let's read it.

Pharisees come to Jesus

and they test him

saying,

is it lawful for a man

to divorce his wife

for any reason?

Jesus answers and says,

have you not read

that he who created them

from the beginning

made them male and female?

And he said,

therefore man shall

leave his father and mother

and hold fast to his wife

and the two will become

one flesh.

So they're no longer two

but one.

What God has joined together,

let not man separate.

Now in this passage,

I want us just to see

three things

and there are so many things

we could say about marriage.

So we're going to hardly

even scratch the surface.

But I want us to think

about God's plan for marriage,

God's purpose for marriage

and God's pattern.

Okay, I'm sorry there are three Ps.

I know that's very irritating

but it just worked today.

Okay, God's plan,

God's purpose,

God's pattern.

Okay, so let's dive in.

Firstly, God's plan

or God's design for marriage.

Let's see what Jesus says

God built into marriage.

There's a couple of things here

but the first thing is this.

Rather than a partnership,

God designed marriage

as a one flesh union.

Look at verse four with me.

Jesus quotes Genesis,

says,

Therefore man will leave

his father and mother

and hold fast his wife

and the two will become one flesh.

So they are no longer two

but one flesh.

I have a friend called Davi

or David Lowe.

In South Africa we call him Davi

but the rest of the world

we call him David.

He pastors a church

in New York City.

And when he was engaged

to his fiancee,

I remember him talking to me

and saying,

he used to think of marriage

as like a football field.

And you both start

on either end,

you know, the goal line

and you kind of come together

and you meet

in the halfway line

and you both bring 50-50

to the table

and you meet

in the halfway line

and you agree

to do this life together.

But 50-50

is the language

of partnership,

not the language

of one flesh union.

God's design

is not that we come

into marriage saying,

listen,

you bring your contribution,

I'll bring my contribution

and together

one plus one

will equal two.

We'll form this

human partnership.

Rather than this partnership,

the language

of the scriptures

is a language

of a union,

of the two becoming one.

And when the two become one,

there's something different,

there's a new entity

that's formed,

it's more than just

the substance

of the sum of the parts.

It's kind of like,

this is a bad analogy,

but it's kind of like,

think of hydrogen

and oxygen

coming together.

Two hydrogen,

one oxygen.

It's not just the sum

of two hydrogen,

one oxygen.

There's some kind

of new substance

that's formed.

It's not just the gas,

there's a new water,

there's a water

that's formed.

When the two come together

in marriage,

God's ideals,

there's not just

this partnership

of you bring your contribution,

I'll bring mine.

There's something

altogether new

and distinctive

about the oneness,

the one flesh union.

I don't know if you remember

the traditional,

the last line

of traditional vows.

It goes something like this,

with all that I have

and with all that I am,

I give myself to you.

Okay,

does that sound familiar?

Okay,

that's much better

than salmon and sushi,

right?

With all that I am

and all that I have,

I give myself to you.

Now imagine saying that

in a business partnership,

right?

Those of you that are

involved in M&As,

imagine writing that

into the agreement,

right?

I just want you to know,

with all that I have

and all that I am,

all that I have,

I give myself to you,

right?

Your business partner

is going to think

they've hit the jackpot.

They're going to say,

just,

sorry,

what's the password

to your personal bank accounts

and that holiday home

in Seychelles?

I'll take that as well.

That's covenant,

that's union,

right?

It's not just,

listen,

this is what I'll bring,

this is what you bring,

let's see if we can make this work.

There's something altogether different.

Now,

practically,

what does that mean?

It means one of the most important things

for those of us that are married

is to fight for the oneness in our marriage,

to fight for the oneness and the unity.

Remember what we said last week,

you can win the battle

but lose the war,

right?

You can win the argument

and lose the relationship.

One of the things that Claire and I

early on in our marriage worked out

was that when we have a disagreement

and we do have disagreements,

I know we always look like

we're perfectly in love with church on Sundays,

but we do have disagreements.

We worked out that when that happens,

we've got to quickly remind ourselves,

hey,

we're on the same team here.

We're in this together.

And so you are not the enemy,

I'm not the enemy,

the issue that's come between us

is the enemy,

right?

I'm not here to attack you,

you don't attack me.

Let's attack what's coming between us.

Yes,

I'm being selfish,

yes,

I'm being a dork,

okay,

let's attack that

but let's not attack one another.

We're in this together,

we're on the same team,

even in the midst of an argument.

And so practically,

fight for the oneness in your marriage.

The second thing it means is this,

do whatever it takes to build

and possibly rebuild the bond of trust.

Every management book in the world will tell you,

right,

Jim Collins and Patrick Lencioni,

these guys will tell you

that trust in a leadership team,

in a business,

is the most critical thing.

If you don't have trust,

you're in deep trouble.

Within a marriage,

do whatever you can

to build and rebuild

the bond of trust

because when the trust is broken,

that oneness is so difficult.

Okay,

so that's the first part of God's design.

Notice something else here.

God's design is that it's a divine union,

not a human union.

Look at what he says here in verse six.

They're no longer two but one flesh.

What God has joined together,

let not man separate.

Marriage is not just the coming together

of two humans.

There's something of God's divine,

supernatural,

divine work,

his handiwork that brings them together.

I don't know how many of you

are artists or creatives, okay?

I know most of us here are lawyers

or finance people

but let's imagine some of us are artists.

You try your hand at sketching or drawing

and you don't like what you do, right?

So what do you do?

You scrunch it up and you throw it away

and you try again.

Okay,

well,

you're allowed to do that.

It's your work.

But try doing that to someone else's work,

right?

You're in an art class

and you don't like the person's art next to you

and so you scrunch it up

and you throw it away.

It's not going to go down very well,

right?

Marriage is not a human institution.

God says it's his handiwork.

It's his creative genius.

It's he who's designed it

and it's he who unites two people together.

What God has joined together,

let not man separate.

Now,

what that means is

the point here

is that partly

divorce is really serious.

It defaces

God's artwork,

God's creative handiwork.

But the other point here

is that marriage

is not just a human partnership.

It's a divine union.

God is its architect

and designer,

its creator,

but also the one

that unites us together.

And that means

that in order for marriages

to flourish,

we need to not just do it

according to God's instructions

and his recipe,

we actually need to invite God

into the center

of our marriages.

Another way of saying that

is in every marriage,

there's not just a horizontal component

between me and Claire.

There's a vertical component as well.

God wants us to invite himself

into the center

of our marriages.

Now,

practically speaking,

what does that mean?

For those of us that are married

or those of you that are dating,

when was the last time

you prayed

with your spouse

or your boyfriend

and your girlfriend?

And not just prayed

for the meal at dinner time

or prayed when there's a crisis.

When was the last time

we prayed to you

and invited God

into our relationship?

When Claire and I were dating,

we were actually better

at this dating

than we are when we married.

But just say,

God,

come and have your way

in our marriage.

God,

this week,

you know the challenges

that we're going to face.

Come and have your way.

God,

we want to surrender to you.

We want you to be

at the very center,

inviting God

into the center

of our relationships.

So part of God's design

is it's this divine union

of two becoming one.

But there's something else

in God's design here

and that is

that we see from these verses

that for those who are married,

this becomes the most significant

of human relationships.

Look at what Jesus says here.

Have you not read

that he who created them

from the beginning

made them male and female?

And he said,

therefore,

man shall leave his father and mother

and hold fast to his wife.

Now,

if you grew up

in the Western world,

America or Europe,

or if that's your cultural background,

this is not even shocking,

right?

This is like obvious.

Why?

Because as Westerners,

myself included,

we are so individualistic,

okay?

We don't have a good understanding

of the family unit

and the family tie.

But for those of us

that are Asian by culture

or grew up in Asia,

you guys are infinitely better

at family relationships

than Westerners,

right?

You know what it means

to honor your parents

and you can teach us Westerners

a whole lot.

Can I be honest?

I didn't really understand that

until I moved to Asia,

just how individualistic I was.

I've learned so much

from my Hong Kong brothers

and sisters, right?

But at the same time,

for us who are Asian culture

and ethnicity,

this can be challenging

because notice what Jesus says here.

Jesus says something shocking.

He says,

the marriage bond

is thicker than blood.

Okay?

And that can be very challenging

for us here in Hong Kong.

Now that obviously doesn't mean

that we dishonor our parents,

we don't care about our parents,

or our children

aren't important to us.

Jesus is not saying that.

He's not saying

it's the only relationship.

But he says

there's something

so profoundly significant

that it becomes

the most significant

and important

of your relationships.

Okay?

Now what does that mean?

Well,

one of the things that it means,

and all psychology students

will tell us this,

that one of the things it means

is that

for those of us

that are married

and have kids,

the very best thing

that we can do

for our children

is to have a healthy marriage.

And all psychology students

will tell us this,

that as long as

people living in Asia,

we put so much

emphasis on our kids

that the tendency

is to sometimes

neglect our marriages

to serve our kids.

But Jesus actually tells us

that the very best thing

we can do for our kids,

the most secure thing

we can do for them

is to have a healthy marriage.

Okay?

But there's many ways

that we cannot

leave our parents.

Tim Keller,

I heard him say this

many years ago

and it's always impacted me.

He said this,

some people are so angry,

so bitter

with their parents

that they promise

to never be like them,

to do everything they can

to be different from them.

But don't you see

that you're still tied to them?

They're still controlling you.

You actually haven't left them.

And his point is

that there's many ways

to not leave

our parents' home

and for our parents

to still have

a controlling relationship

over us,

even if it's our anger

and our bitterness

towards them.

Okay?

So all of that

is God's design,

God's plan for marriage

is this divine,

one flesh,

union

with God

at the center

of our marriages.

Okay?

Does that make sense?

Okay.

Great.

Thank you.

Secondly,

God's purpose for marriage.

God's purpose for marriage.

Now,

when the Pharisees

come to Jesus

and they ask him

about marriage and divorce,

they're asking him

a legal question.

They're saying to him,

based on the law

that God gave to Moses,

what is the right thing

to do?

Okay?

And when Jesus

answers them,

Jesus doesn't go back

to the law of Moses.

He goes back

prior to that

to Genesis 1 and 2.

He goes back

to God's original design

and purpose for marriage.

And in Genesis 1 and 2,

we see God's intention

and purpose for marriage.

Now, again,

there's lots of things here,

but I want to focus

on just one of them.

In Genesis 1,

Nikki read it for us earlier,

we see that the triune God,

Father, Son, and Spirit,

say amongst themselves,

let us make mankind

in our image,

after our likeness.

So God created man

in his image.

In the image of God,

he created him.

Male and female,

he created them.

And God blessed them.

And he said to them,

be fruitful and multiply,

fill the earth

and subdue it

and have dominion over it.

And then in chapter 2,

we see the same thing,

but from a slightly

different perspective.

God speaks to Adam

and he says,

Adam, I've made you

to care and cultivate

the world,

to steward my creation,

to keep it and look after it,

to see it flourish,

okay?

But Adam is alone.

He doesn't,

he needs a helpmate.

He needs someone

to come alongside him

in his calling

as a human being.

And so God brings Eve,

his spouse,

to come and help him

fulfill his calling.

Now, Eve

wasn't just a companion

because Adam was lonely

and needed friends, right?

Or he needed

a sexual partner.

God brought Eve

into his life

to help Adam

fulfill his calling

as a human being.

God gives Adam

a commissioning

to nurture the world,

to establish it,

to preserve God's

shalom in the world,

to steward God's agenda,

to build the kingdom

of God on earth.

But Adam can't do it

on his own

without his spouse.

He needs Eve

to come alongside him.

One commentator

said it like this,

marriage is meant

to strengthen

and complement

God's call

on our lives.

Apart from this

understanding,

we'll reduce marriage

to something

that merely fulfills

my needs,

which ironically

is one way

to destroy

any relationship,

including marriage.

Now, of course,

this is not saying

that if you're not married,

you're not fully human,

right?

Some of the very best

people in the world

have not been married.

Think of Jesus Christ.

Think of the Apostle Paul.

In our own day,

think of John Stott

and tons of others,

right?

So marriage doesn't

complete you.

Like, if you're single,

you're not fully human.

But what this is saying

is that for those of us

that are married,

marriage is meant

to be a divine union

that empowers

us to live out

our calling

as commissioned agents

to bring heaven

to earth,

to care for

and cultivate God's will,

to bring heaven

to earth,

to establish shalom

and to advance

God's kingdom

in the world.

In other words,

marriage is not just

about your happiness.

Now, you are meant

to be happily married,

okay?

So just,

sometimes as Christians,

have you ever heard

Christians say,

marriage is not about

happiness,

it's about holiness?

Have you ever heard that?

Okay?

And that's true.

Marriage is this agent

where God sanctifies us

and He purifies us

and He makes us

more like Jesus

and He refines us.

That's true.

Okay?

It's about our holiness.

It's also about happiness.

Okay?

You are allowed

to enjoy your marriage.

You don't need

to just think like,

okay,

this is God's

sanctifying process,

I'll just get through it.

Okay?

You actually,

you should be friends.

You should laugh as well.

But it's not just

about happiness.

It's not just

about holiness.

It's also about mission.

It's about God's calling

to make the world

a better place.

And your marriage,

your union,

is God's calling

on your life

to sanctify the world

and to make the world

a better place.

And so part of this

happens through

having children

and bringing them up

in God's ways

to honor Him

and know Him.

Parenting is not just

about having children

and getting them

good education,

going to university

and then getting

a good job.

We should shape

our children

to be agents

of salt and life

in the world.

We teach our children

the gospel.

We help them

to love and trust Jesus

so that our children

become people

that bring shalom

and heaven to earth.

So marriage,

children is part

of the way

of doing that.

But the other way

we do that

is through serving

together as married couples,

seeing your marriage

as a calling,

not just to build

your kingdom

but to build

Christ's kingdom.

In the book of Acts

we see this amazing

juxtaposition

of these two couples.

The one is

in Acts chapter 5.

Acts 5 · chapter mention

There's this couple

called Ananias

and Sapphira.

Do you remember

what happens to them?

They actually team

really well together.

They're actually

a pretty good team.

The problem is

that they team together

for evil, right?

So they come and collude

and they say,

listen, I've got this plan.

If we do this

and this and this

we can pretend

that we're more godly

than we are.

We will lie to the apostles.

We will lie to the church.

We will lie to God

and then we can

sort ourselves up

and promote ourselves.

And so they team

well together

but actually

for their own

self-centered agenda

and do you know

what happens?

They end up dead.

And a few chapters later

in Acts

we see this other couple

called Priscilla and Aquila.

And they team together

beautifully.

They open up their homes

in three different cities

in the world.

In Athens

and Ephesus

and I think it's in Antioch

we see them opening up

their homes

inviting people

and they teach them

the gospel.

They share together.

At one point

the wife is teaching

and then the husband

is teaching.

They actually team

together beautifully

as establish the kingdom

of God

and the church

in Acts advances

because of this couple.

Here you get

two couples

Ananias and Sapphira

Priscilla and Aquila

one for their own agenda

one for the kingdom

of God.

And friends

my prayer is that

for our church

and actually

if I can just

I know you won't

want me to do this

but I was thinking

about this this week

and I think

Franklin and Teresa

I think you're a great

example of this

of Priscilla and Aquila

opening up your homes

in all these cities

of the world

Beijing

and LA

and Hong Kong

and serving together

and teaming together

beautifully.

And maybe that we see

our marriages

like that

as well.

So this is God's purpose

there's lots of other

things to be said

but one of them

is that our marriages

is not just happiness

it's not just holiness

it's mission

to see the kingdom

of God

come to earth.

Then there's another

purpose for our marriage

and this stands

in direct contrast

with the consumeristic

view of our modern culture

and that is that

marriage is one way

to know and experience

grace

and I've called this

actually the pattern

for marriage.

Many years ago

when soon after

Claire and I

got engaged

or married

there were some

very good friends

of ours

who were looking

to get engaged

and I remember

the guy

saying

or telling me

the story

retrospectively

but he wanted

to propose

to his girlfriend

but he had become

a Christian

kind of a little bit

later in life

at university

and there's a whole

lot of history

in his life

and he thought

before I get

into marriage

I've got to

tell my girlfriend

what she's getting

into right

if we're going

to be a one

flesh union

I don't want

her finding

out later

all this stuff

and so he

summons up

all this courage

and he said

to her

listen

I want to tell

you some

of my life

story

and some

of the mess

and the pain

involved

and so they

have this

discussion

one night

and he says

listen

this is where

God has taken

me

this is what's

happened

this is where

I've had to

repent

so I have to

bring God

into my life

and I want

you to know

some of my

stories

that if we get

married

you know

the best

and the worst

of me

and he said

it was the scariest

night of his life

because he wanted

to marry her

but he also

didn't know

what is she

going to think

is she going

to say

listen

you're too

damaged

you're too

broken

I don't

want to

marry you

anymore

and so he

tells her

everything

and she says

listen

I need some

time to

process this

and so they

go home

to their

own respective

homes

and he says

he doesn't

sleep that night

right

it's like

he's just

thinking over

his mind

is she still

going to

want to marry

me

and the next

day they

come together

and she's

written him

a letter

and he opens

up the letter

and this is

what she

says

something to

this effect

she says

I choose

to love you

the way

that Christ

has loved

me

with all

my failings

and all

my shortcomings

Christ's love

has washed

over me

in such a way

that he's not

only forgiven

me but he's

also changing

me

and Christ's

love is busy

sanctifying me

and redeeming

me

and as Christ's

love has washed

over me

he's making me

the kind of

person that can

love others

and as I love

you that way

and you love

me

as we work

towards marriage

with that kind

of love

God's going to

heal us

and restore us

and going to

make us the

kind of people

that can love

each other

selflessly

and love

this broken

world

do you see

what she's

doing there

she's directly

applying the

gospel of

God's grace

to this

relationship

and saying

the foundation

of this

relationship

has got to

be the love

that we see

in the gospel

and that's

what the New

Testament says

again and

again and

again

it says

that Christian

marriage

is built

on

patterned

on

God's

profound

love for

us

in the gospel

that Christian

marriage is

both meant to

pattern

to picture

to others

but also to

picture ourselves

the grace of

God in the

gospel

that's what

Paul says to

married couples

in Ephesians 5

he says

husbands love

your wives

the way that

Christ loved

the church

we took

communion

earlier

and Dan

led us

so well

that Jesus

on the night

before he was

betrayed

he knew

what was

going to

happen

Jesus

was going

to have

his body

nailed to

the cross

Jesus

was going

to have

his body

broken

week in and

week out

we take

communion

to remind

us of

Christ's

unbelievable

day by

day mercy

and grace

for us

and Jesus

says

husbands

love your

wives

the same

way

and Jesus

says

wives

as you

relate to

husbands

let it

be the

same

let the

gospel

the

unconditional

sacrificial

unmerited

grace of

God

that Christ

has for

us

let that

be the

pattern

and the

picture

of our

relationships

as well

Christian

marriage

is meant

to reveal

the gospel

and God's

grace

to ourselves

and also

to those

that are

watching

those outside

as they

see the

day by

day mercies

of God

they see

unconditional

sacrificial

unmerited

the love

that Christ

has for us

on our

worst days

and on our

best days

when the

world sees

that it

will show

us a

picture

of grace

you know

the Bible

says that

the Bible

starts off

with the

marriage

in Genesis

2

and it

ends off

the marriage

in Revelation

21

and the

marriage

at the

end

of the

Bible

is how

Christ

is pictured

as the

bridegroom

and the

church

is the

bride

and God

says we're

going to be

united

like a

married

couple

but Jesus

doesn't marry

us because

we're perfectly

compatible with

him

Jesus doesn't

look at us

and say hey

I think

emotionally

vocationally

you know

good socioeconomic

status

we're going to

be a good

match

Jesus marries

us not

because of

how lovely

we are

but because

of the love

in his own

heart that

he pours out

for us

and Jesus

says to us

that that is

the picture

and the pattern

of marriage

as well

and so

what that

means is

that until

we understand

God's

eternal

unconditional

unmerited

sacrificial

love for

those of us

that are

in Christ

we will

never

understand

the pattern

and the

picture

of marriage

that God

has for

us

but there's

something else

about the

gospel

and that is