God's View of Singleness

The scripture reading comes from Isaiah chapter 56.

Isaiah 56 · chapter mention

Please follow along on the screen, the bulletin, or on your own Bible.

Starting in verse 3, oh, there's no screen, so yeah, follow along on your bulletin or your own Bible, okay?

Starting in verse 3, we read,

Let not the foreigner who has joined himself to the Lord say,

The Lord will surely separate me from his people.

And let not the eunuch said, Behold, I am a dry tree.

For thus says the Lord,

To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me, and hold fast my covenant,

I will give in my house and within my walls monuments and a name, better than sons and daughters.

I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off.

This is the word of God.

Great, thank you, Soda.

Welcome, everybody, again.

My name is Chris.

If you don't know me, I'm one of the leaders here at Watermark.

Let's just pray together as we get into God's word.

Father, I just want to thank you that you're a God who really does know us.

You're a God who really does see us.

You're a God who really does care for us.

And you're a God who is really good.

And I pray this morning, Lord, your word would not just be a word which is in one ear and out the other ear,

but I pray, Lord, we would hear good news from you.

I pray that we would encounter you this morning.

I pray, Father, for those of us who, as we talk about singleness, Lord, those of us who are wrestling with this, I pray you would just minister to them.

I pray for those of us who this is a topic we don't really want to engage with or talk about.

Lord, I pray that you would open our ears to hear what you want to say.

And I pray, Father, that even as we are here in the safety of Hong Kong and we are so blessed in so many ways,

we also want to pray around the world.

We want to pray for Afghanistan at the moment, for the church there and the believers there.

Father, we pray that you would be their protection.

You would be their provision.

Father, we ask that you would let your name be known in that nation.

We pray, God, would you bring healing.

Would you bring deliverance in that place, Father?

Father, we ask.

But we know that you are good and we know that you are faithful and we know that you are sovereign.

So thank you, Lord, in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Great.

So we're going through this series looking at a lot of hot topics of marriage, of sex.

We looked at cohabitation and transgender.

And today we're kind of carrying on.

We're not going light today.

We're looking at singleness.

And for some of you, you'll feel that this is a topic that is burning on your heart.

Some of you will feel like this is not a topic burning for you at all.

But I believe this is a topic for every single one of us to really listen to this morning.

And it's something that's really actually very precious on my own heart.

And even in our own family, we've really talked about this issue a lot with my wife over the years.

But I don't know if you know that actually singleness is a global issue at the moment.

There was a book that came out a little while ago by a guy called Robert Putnam.

It was called Bowling Alone.

And in it, he said, across America, people used to bowl in leagues.

He says now they bowl alone.

In Hong Kong, I don't know if you know the statistics, but actually about 30% of men, 30% of women are single.

And that is increasing dramatically, especially with the divorce rates increasing.

And in the church, this is actually can also be exacerbated quite a bit because the elephant in the room is that there is actually a 60-40% ratio of females to males.

And which means for many women, and I know talking to some of you, this is a real issue.

You know if you want to marry and you want to follow the scriptures call to marry someone who is a godly Christian guy,

it often feels like there's just not enough to go around.

And some people leave churches and some people even leave the faith over this very issue.

So this is a really pressing one for us as a church.

But as I was actually preparing this sermon, I've chatted to quite a number of the singles in the congregation.

And I also spoke to a journalist called Anna Broadway, who has actually just been going around the world,

visiting 41 countries, talking to over 300 singles for a book that she's publishing on singleness.

And so I'm going to share a few things that she said.

But actually one of the things that's just come across to the people that I've been talking with is that singleness is complicated.

Okay?

There's no one stereotypical single.

And by the way, every one of us, hands up who has never been single.

That's good.

There's no like birth arranged marriages or anything like that going on.

Like every one of us has been single.

And if you live long enough and outlive your spouse, every one of us will also be single.

Which means that this sermon is for everyone.

And so the different kinds of singleness that we can have are multitude.

There are dating singles.

There are what I call career singles.

Career singles, they kind of married their jobs.

And so career has kind of become everything.

And for some of them, they kind of wake up in their 30s and realize that the pool of their options has shrunk.

And then they decide whether they continue to be career singles.

Or maybe they might become what I call reluctant singles.

Those who want to get married but for some reason or other, they just haven't yet.

And then there are functional singles.

People who are married like, for example, domestic helpers.

But actually live apart from their spouses and are functionally single.

And then there's others who are vocational singles.

People who have chosen to be single like priests and nuns and maybe some missionaries.

And then there are what I call burnt singles.

People who have either through divorce or widowhood or bad dating experience just don't want a partner.

And then there are others who I call no choice singles.

Maybe because of disability or because of same-sex attraction and following scripture's call for them to remain celibate.

Celibate in life.

And we could go on.

Do you see?

Singleness is a multitude of things.

Which means actually in this sermon today, I cannot address everyone and every issue.

Because singleness for a 20-year-old compared to singleness for a 70-year-old looks incredibly different.

But where we're going to start and where we want to go is in this beautiful passage in Isaiah 56.

Because this passage actually comes after Isaiah 53, which is all about a suffering king who's going to come and lay down his life for people.

Taking their sins, which we know is Jesus.

And then chapter 55, which we read earlier, is an invitation for in the light of Jesus and what he's done for everyone to come to him and to find life in him.

And then chapter 56 expands that invitation out to the people that everyone thought were excluded from society.

To foreigners and to eunuchs.

And eunuchs are people, well, I don't have to go into the details.

But they were the singles of the day.

They were the no-choice singles.

No possibility of marriage or of having children.

And Isaiah 56, verse 7 says this.

Isaiah 56:7

Sorry, not verse 7.

Verse 3 says this.

Let not the eunuch say, behold, I am a dry tree.

Now just think for a minute.

Why would he say that?

Why would he say that?

Because in a culture which is dominated by the biological family,

where it sees kind of marriage and having kids as the normal trajectory of life.

You know, you're born, you grow up, you get married, you know, you have kids, then you retire, your kids then look after you,

and then you die surrounded by your family.

That's kind of the narrative arc that many people live.

That's what people think is a fruitful life.

And in Hong Kong, actually, what we do is we kind of add a stage in there, which is like,

but don't get married until you've got a stable income and you've got a good career and, you know,

you've finished your studies and all those kind of things.

And so actually, even in Hong Kong, once you get to kind of the late 20s,

there's this five to ten-year window where a kind of marriageable period.

And if you go beyond that, then often it feels like you become a leftover man or woman,

you know, where you're just coming home to either a darkened flat eating cup noodles by yourself

or still living with your parents in your 65.

That's kind of the image that we have, isn't it?

And so that's the idea of being a dry tree without children, without this family around you.

No name to pass on, feeling shamed in society.

And so what often happens is well-meaning relatives and particularly church friends as well

come along and they say things like,

have you got anybody yet?

And like, let me hook you up with someone.

And then there's this extra pressure that comes on.

And for women, the biological clock is ticking.

And often when every wedding, you know, we had a great wedding yesterday with Zee and Helen,

but every wedding can get you thinking about what's wrong with me.

Am I too ugly?

Am I too independent?

Am I too poor?

Am I too successful?

What's going on with me?

And many of us feel that shame.

We feel nameless.

We feel like a dry tree.

And in response to this kind of traditional narrative, actually, modern culture has given

something else.

It says it's not just about loneliness, although it has that.

Singleness is also about liberation.

I don't know if you know the actor Michael Douglas.

He said, being single is pretty good.

It's a nice sense of irresponsibility.

Somebody else said, single is the opportunity to live life on your terms and not apologize.

You know, it's like, I'm free to do what I want, any old time, any old how, video games

till 2 a.m., constant traveling, focus on your career or education, just you do you, liberation

from the chains of responsibility and marriage.

And scripture comes to us, and this passage is going to come to us and say, singleness

is not about loneliness.

It's not about liberation.

It's about recognizing a few things.

And the first thing that it's about recognizing is about recognizing that in Christ we have

a new identity.

So that's my first point.

Look at me again.

Isaiah 56.

It says this, let not the eunuch say I'm a dry tree.

To the eunuchs who keep my Sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast to

my covenant, I will give in my house and within my walls a monument and a name better than

sons and daughters.

It's a name that won't be cut off at all.

You see, the people of Israel were formed out of a promise to Abraham that he would be the

descendant of many nations, of a great nation.

And that promise was to be passed on through children.

And just as in Chinese culture, identity, one's identity and one's honor was found in

being able to bear children and pass on your name and then be part of this great family.

And so belonging to this people in covenant relationship with God and with each other was

expressed actually through keeping the Sabbath.

And the thing was eunuchs were excluded from this community.

They couldn't pass on or share in this blessing of the family that God had for them.

They were that dry tree.

But God says to them, in the light of Jesus coming, for those who trust him, for those

who make him their God, you have a status change.

And it's not a Facebook status change.

He says, you're not a dry tree.

You're not abandoned to a life of lonely misery.

Instead, you have a name.

And it's an everlasting name.

And a monument, let me say, a place in my family, in my presence.

That's what the house and walls are about.

It's about the temple of God where his presence dwells.

You've got a seat of honor in the table.

You see, you know, in biological families, you know, we put pictures of our kids on the

wall, you know, and we show them.

We say, look at my Johnny or whoever it is.

We have pride and honor in that, don't we?

And what happens, though, after a few generations where you've kids and then you've got the parents

on the wall and all those pictures, you actually forget about, like, your great, great, great,

great grandparents.

Does any of you remember them?

I don't.

But actually, what God is saying here is, in God's family, on his wall is a picture with your name on it.

It's your picture.

And it's a place of honor.

And he says it's more honored than sons and daughters because you've been bought by the blood of Jesus.

So you have a pride of place if you are single or if you are married.

Because he loves to show off to the world those who are his.

And you know what?

He'll never forget you.

You will always be remembered.

Which means this.

In Christ, your primary identity, if you are married, is not married.

If you are single, your primary identity in Christ is not single.

It's not shamed.

It's not anything else.

It's beloved, honored, secure.

That's who you are in God's family through faith in Christ,

which means the church should be the one place in all of society

where a lot of those invisible, excluding barriers between marrieds and singles are broken down.

You know, we have more in common between marrieds and singles

than we have difference in the family of Christ.

Did you know that?

Which means then that actually, we also need to be aware of how we unwittingly put up barriers.

You know, as a single, I used to sit in groups with marrieds who had kids.

And do you know what they talked about all the time?

It wasn't the weather.

It was their kids.

And do you know how actually excluding that can feel as a single?

You know, if every time a single who's in their 50s,

we see them and we think,

how sad, let me try and find someone that they can be with,

without actually asking them where they're up to,

what we're actually saying is,

we're saying your primary identity is marital and I need to fix that,

rather than your primary identity is in Christ.

So actually, as marrieds and singles,

we actually need to get together and talk together

to find out what are the things that actually create barriers between us.

So that actually we can truly be a community

where we have a name which is better than sons and daughters,

it's better than married, it's better than single,

it means we're in Christ and we're His.

That's the first thing we have.

We have a new identity in Christ.

Second thing, we have a new vision.

And here, 700 years later,

the Apostle Paul picks up on this vision

of the eunuchs being included.

And Paul, by the way, is single.

And he doesn't see his new identity in Christ as being loneliness

or even just liberation for his own self,

but he sees this new vision for his own singleness.

And here's what he says.

1 Corinthians 7, 7.

He says,

I wish all were as myself am.

He says,

I wish everyone was single like me.

Now, by the way,

he's not saying marriage is bad.

In Ephesians,

he creates this amazing picture of Christ and the church

as being this glorious gospel picture of what marriage is about.

He's not.

He's big on marriage.

He's also not saying that singleness is great because of all the personal benefits I get for myself.

You know, all the extra time or money I have for myself.

He's not saying that because actually, to be honest,

sometimes if you're single,

it feels like you have less time and less money.

Like, it's much harder to get a mortgage if you're single in Hong Kong.

It's sometimes you work longer hours because you don't have the family reason to go home.

So you just keep working.

Some of us,

well,

it's not time.

It's not just money.

It's also sex, right?

No sex.

And actually,

some of us who are single think that sex is all rosy in marriage,

and it's not.

But actually,

at least you get to have it sometimes.

So Paul is not going this beautiful vision,

I want you to be like me because it's so free for me.

But here's what he says.

He says,

each has his own gift from God.

One of one kind and one of another.

And we carry on in the whole chapter,

but I'm going to stop there.

He says,

he's talking about,

he says,

singleness and marriage are gifts.

Some of us think,

I hope there's a returns policy on that gift.

But what do you do with a gift?

You receive it with gratitude.

Some of us think,

well,

but I don't have the gift of singleness

because I want to get married.

Paul says,

that's not the point.

It's not about your desires here.

That's not what he's talking about.

It's about your present circumstances and situation.

That's what he's talking about.

So if you are married,

you have the gift of marriage.

Some of us hope that we have the gift of singleness.

But you have the gift of marriage.

If you are single,

you have the gift of singleness.

And it can change.

If you're married,

a spouse may die

and you become single again.

If you're single,

you can get married.

It's not necessarily a fixed condition.

But we have different gifts

at different times.

And you can wrestle with a gift.

If you're single,

you can desire to be married.

That's a good desire.

He's not saying,

don't desire it.

But what our tendency can be,

whether you're married or single,

is to look at everything that you don't have

rather than everything that you do.

To look at the whole rather than the donut,

if you know that analogy.

And what can happen is bitterness can creep into our hearts

and we end up with this state of actually saying

to the gift God has given,

God, you're not good.

God, I can't trust you.

God, you're not loving to me with this gift.

Page Benton Brown says this.

He says,

I'm not a single

because I'm too spiritually unstable

to deserve a husband.

Nor too spiritually mature to need one.

I'm single because God is good

and this is his best for me.

Some of us need to hear that.

Some of us need to hear that.

Scripture says God so loved you

that he gave his only son for you,

that he also gave a gift of singleness to you right now

for this season.

It's not always easy.

But can you trust him that he's actually good

and he's loving you with this situation right now?

But if this is the gift,

what is the gift for?

If it's not just for your own personal benefit,

well, the word gift

is actually the word charisma,

which is the same word for spiritual gift

in the rest of Corinthians.

And what are spiritual gifts?

Do you remember we looked at the chocolate cake

like a few weeks ago?

They're gifts of grace

given to us

for the benefit of others.

Smithhurst,

I think that's how you pronounce his name,

says this.

The world champions the single life

because of all you can do for yourself.

The Bible champions the single life

because of all you can do for others.

That's very powerful

because marriage pictures

the depth of Christ's love for the church

by sacrificing your desires for one person.

Singleness pictures the gospel

and the breadth of Christ's love

where you can sacrifice your desires

for many others.

You know,

you may not have more money

if you're singles.

You may not even have more time.

But what you do have

probably is more flexibility.

I spoke to Anna Broadway

and she said in all of her research

of what she had done,

she said,

as I've gone around the world,

the most contented singles

I have ever met

are not those who don't wrestle

with singleness,

but those who have a deep sense

of mission.

You know,

I've got single friends here in Hong Kong,

I've got single friends in the UK,

who are at the forefront

of missional justice.

They've even moved

into other communities

to be able to reach out

to low-income people.

I've got friends

who are actively discipling others

and using their time

to do one-on-one Bible study

to engage with those

who are hurting,

those who are sick,

in all kinds of ways.

That's something that both

marrieds and singles

should be doing,

but you've got way more flexibility

if you're single

because you don't have to do

kids' homework

and you don't have to wake up

for like kids' nap times

and all that kind of stuff.

You've just got more flexibility.

And that's why

Paul says,

I wish you guys were like me

because he's got this

driving missional heart

that he wants the gospel

to go out

all around the world,

which he says,

I wish you were like me.

You know,

the missional justice

in Watermark,

we need singles

to be right at the forefront

of helping marriage

to actually engage with that

because you can actually

forge a way for that

in a way that many others cannot.

There are so many opportunities.

But when singleness

is all about your career,

it's all about video games,

it's all about your travel,

don't be surprised

if at some point

it leaves you feeling empty

and deeply lonely

because you were made

for far more than that.

So let me ask you,

how are you losing

your singleness

if you're single?

Do you know

who God has called you

to serve

in this community

and even outside

the community

because it is a gift

for his kingdom?

That's the second thing.

You've got a new identity.

Get a new vision

for singleness.

Third thing.

A new community.

I'm going to pull this up

because I'm going to get

the cake.

Thank you.

This is one I feel

really, really convicted by.

You know, it's easy.

I'm married

and I have kids now.

I was single

until I was 31

but I'm now married

with kids

and it's easy for me

to say,

to those of you

who are singles,

you have this new

identity in Christ.

You've got all this

flexibility for the kingdom.

I think the spirits

are not wanting this to work.

It's easy to say that

and then you go,

yeah, but

you don't have to worry

about the future

of growing old alone.

And I get that.

I really get that

because we all

desire intimacy

and we all desire

to be loved

and to love,

don't we?

That's what we've been

talking about

in this series.

And so Satan

whispers

in our ear,

did God really say

you can't marry

a non-believer?

Did God really say

you're loved

and delighted in

when,

look,

all your friends

are getting married

and you're still single?

Satan wants

to take

these moments

and wants to lead us

to doubt God's goodness

and Isaiah 56

comes to us

and it says

it's a passage

not just about

individual eunuchs

who go to church

on a Sunday.

That's not what it is.

It's about the excluded

being included

in the family of God

which is the community

of God

welcomed in the people

of God.

Do you remember

Jesus,

Mark 10,

he says this,

he says,

no one who has left home

or brothers

or sisters

or mother

or father

or children

or fields

for my sake

and for the gospel

will fail

to receive

a hundredfold

in the present age

and he goes

houses,

brothers,

sisters

and mothers

and children.

Do you know

what he's talking about?

He's talking

about

that following Jesus

and living for his kingdom

at times

can tear us away

from the most

deepest intimate relationships

that we crave for.

He's saying

loneliness

can eat away

at the most faithful heart

and bring temptation

but Jesus says

I'm promising

to you

not just my

spiritual presence

with you

although that is true

but also

my presence

with you

through my church

because you know

when we say

Jesus is enough

for us

that is true

I really believe that

but you know

Jesus doesn't give hugs

directly

he gives it

through his church

Jesus doesn't cook

meals for us

and invite us

around directly

he does it

through his church

Jesus doesn't give you

a baby to hold

or help you

to feel part

of it

or a kid

to play with

by himself

he does it

through his church

and so most of the singles

that I've spoken to

from those who are

same sex attracted

to those who are

in the 50s or 60s

have told me this

one of the greatest

ways that singles

can experience

the love of Christ

and stay faithful

and contented

in their singleness

is when marrieds

open up their lives

and their homes

and invite them in

and this is

this is a call to us

who are married

you know

a number of watermarkers

have said to me

that even if I can't

have kids

if I can go

and actually babysit

someone else's kids

or just feel like

I'm part of their family

just get a taste of that

that is so precious

to me

but you know

as marrieds

we often live

as if our identity

is more as married

than as part of the community

so we hide ourselves away

in our own little bubbles

and we end up

neglecting those

who need us

and who God has called us

to be around

let me make this

even more challenging

as Christians

we cannot say

to those who are

same sex attracted

or those who are

otherwise

you know

who are single

we cannot say to them

hey listen

you should stay celibate

or we cannot say

to someone

you should only marry

a believer

when they struggle

with that

if we are not willing

to open up our homes

and our lives

at the same time

because if we do that

what we're doing

we're laying burdens

on people

but not lifting a finger

to help

and that Jesus says

is hypocrisy

is that strong enough

it's hypocrisy

and we should be called out

as marrieds for that

because the gift of marriage

in the body of Christ

is not just for us

who are married

it's also for the sake

of the singles

so they can experience

the love of Christ

through our family relationships

one of the great things

in Watermark

is I just see this happening

on multiple layers

there are numerous families

who I know

are already doing this

with people

from all kinds

of different stages

but I want to invite

Angelina and Christina

up

just to share

a little bit

of their journey

together

so come on up

let me just move this

over the way

maybe just

excuse me

thank you

if you just

want to come

come up here

great

thank you so much

it's not that scary

it's okay

they're friendly

Christina

and Angelina

you have both

I know

you've walked together

and I know

that you've both

been in Watermark

a while

but I'd love to hear

maybe Christina

could you just tell us

maybe a little bit

of your experience

as a single

some of the challenges

and some of the things

that God has been

showing you

I think the challenges

come from

the discrepancy

between our cultural

point of view

and Christian point of view

our society

set marriage

as some sort

of a milestone

that we need to achieve

in our life

and if we don't achieve it

then

we're missing out

and

people almost see

single people

who are not married

as some

you know

some people

who are

not great

or

you know

so

yeah

and at the individual level

you feel

like

you're struggling

a lot

with uncertainty

in your life

you're not sure

when God is providing

your partner

in the future

so

those are the main

challenges

I think

great

great

Angeline

do you want to

share a little bit

about

maybe some of

your experience

with

yeah

walking

and opening

your home

and your life

up with

with singles

and almost

how you got

to that stage

as well

so

this is on

okay great

my husband

and I

we

are

a host

of a

community group

at our home

weekly

and it

just so

happens

that

the entire

CG

is made up

of

singles

so

yeah

over

the years

I don't think

we intentionally

set out

to cultivate

these

relationships

but

it's been

a beautiful

thing

to walk

alongside

young

adults

I'll call

them

singles

and

just

sharing

life

with

them

yeah

so

maybe

tell us

a little

bit

about

what

that

how

you've

gone

about

that

and

actually

what

that's

kind

of

looked

like

I know

you talked

about

a little

bit of a

two-way

relationship

and how

things have

really

how

you've

been blessed

through that

and

what

that's

looked

like

yeah

I

think

this is

how

God

shapes

gospel

community

I hope

and

it's

just

been

very

very

natural

and

very

organic

that

we've

had

the

privilege

I don't

think

like

a

mother

or

father

role

but

just

as

a

brother

and

sister

in

Christ

role

of

walking

alongside

a lot

of

singles

in

their

new

life

experiences

for

example

their

first

jobs

their

first

experiences

of

changing

jobs

their

conflicts

with

work

colleagues

with

boss

relationships

less

so

but

sometimes

relational

issues

but

just

doing

life

and

for

me

personally

I've

never

felt

like

I'm

in a

position

of

superiority

or

of

having

more

wisdom

I

think

having

more

years

helps

a little

and

experience

life

experiences

I mean

but not

from a

place

of

knowing

it

all

but

more

from

a

place

of

just

sharing

life

and

I

felt

that

in

those

relationships

it's

always

been

a

two

way

relationship

it's

never

about

me

telling

them

what

to

do

or

what

they

should

think

but

actually

sharing

life

on

life

with

each

other

if

you

know

what

I

mean

you

said

to

me

I

never

thought

about

the

categories

of

necessarily

single

and

married

as

we're

doing

it

because

it

just

feels

like

we're

one

is that

right

yes

yes

for

example

I'm

going

through

some

struggles

in my

life

and I

felt

very

much

that

when

I've

opened

up

and

shared

my

struggles

with

our

young

adults

they

instinctively

understand

what I'm

going

through

and they

can give

me a

different

perspective

like

from being

a

son

and

daughter

to

my

role

as a

parent

of

young

adults

myself

giving

me a

different

perspective

so I've

always

felt

very

encouraged

and

yeah

by them

pouring

their

life

into

me

as

well

yeah

that's

great

Christine

how

like

from the

other end

tell us

how you've

experienced

that

and

yeah

if I can

just add

on that

I feel

like

of course

Angie

and Bernard

are sharing

lots of

wisdom

and give

us lots

of good

advice

but

I felt

like I

was invited

to the

journey

and that

we're

walking

alongside

together

it's

not

just

them

pulling

us

but

their

vulnerability

is so

powerful

that it

really

opens up

my heart

and I

feel like

I'm being

part of

their

family

and

I've

been

in

Breaking

Bread

for

five

years

and now

I'm

in

new

CG

called

The

Messenger

but

over

the

past

five

years

Angie

and

Bernard

and being

part

of Breaking

Bread

really

shaped

me

the way

I

vision

my

30s

and

40s

and

50s

because

in

the

past

I've

always

planned

my life

focusing

on

myself

but

Angie

and Bernard

opening up

their house

to people

who need

to be

heard

who need

some guidance

or need

to walk

the journey

together

it's just

really changed

the way

I view

property

you know

home

basically

it's

given

by

God

for

us

to

open

up

whoever

needs

to

come

and

join

the

community

and so

yeah

it's

such a

blessing

for me

to spend

my

20s

in

Breaking

Bread

great

maybe

the last

thing

in terms

of even

a sense

of how

you're

going out

and serving

in different

ways

I know

you mentioned

something

about how

God has

really

challenged

you

in that

just

even

recently

so

one night

I was

just

praying

to

God

I said

God

I have

so much

flexibility

like you

mentioned

in sermon

time

and energy

and I was

thinking

what can I

do

how can I

spend

my

singleness

in a

wiser

way

so I

prayed

that

before I

go to

sleep

next

morning

Angie

texted

me

saying

hey

are you

interested

in

serving

at

Branches

of

Hope

teaching

kids

which

is

an NGO

in

Hong Kong

that

supports

asylum

seekers

and

refugees

and

my

immediate

response

was like

no

I

don't

like

kids

but

I

knew

that

God

was

opening

up

the

door

and

he

was

asking

me

inviting

me

to

step

outside

of

my

comfort

zone

and

so

I

started

going

there

with

some

members

of

Breaking

Bread

and

we've

been

going

there

for

almost

a

year

now

so

every

Saturday

we

go

and teach

the

kids

just

an

hour

but

really

building

relationships

with them

and share

the gospel

so

that's

great

can I

just

pray

for you

you guys

thank you

so much

for sharing

father

I just

want to

thank you

for both

Christina

and Angelina

I know

they represent

many many

people

here in the

congregation

at different

stages

Lord

but I

thank you

Lord

that even

in their

relationship

we just

see a

little

picture

of what

you've

called

us

to be

as a

church

and

Lord

I

pray

for

them

and I

pray

for us

as a

church

Lord

that you

just

help us

to learn

how to

walk

alongside

each other

well

Lord

I pray

just even

with

Christina

and her

the

wrestles

that she's

going through

and Angelina

the wrestles

she's

going through

Lord

I pray

that they

would

just

experience

continually

your

presence

with them

that you

would just

minister

through each

other

and through

the body

Lord

of just

how good

you are

just how

faithful

you are

just how

gracious

you are

just how

enough

you are

for us

so bless

them

I pray

in Jesus

name

amen

thank you

so much

give them a round of applause

thank you

so feel free to go up and chat to them afterwards to really hear more

but this is just a little taste of what I think God is wanting us to be as a community

and so I want to challenge us if you're married

generally don't just kind of run off after Sunday just do your own thing

invite a single along to lunch for you with you Christmas time is a hard time sometimes

for things invite people into your family we have this relationships evening that is coming up often as

as we go hey that's just for singles and we check out but no I encourage you to come because actually

as married and singles we need to be in the same room talking about the same things and then you'll see

ways that God will call you and how to serve

so I want to encourage us to do that because in a city which is filled with loneliness

and it is a very lonely place

it needs to see a community

whose identity

is not based

in a marital status

but is based in being

having a name better than sons and daughters

the last thing

I want to share

and by the way

we've

we've got a few of these booklets

which are around

I think there's some outside there

and some at the back

these are on Christians

dating and marriage

if you're single or if you're married

feel free to just pick one up

that's got some

some great stuff in there

because actually

there's a whole lot of things

I'm not even talking about

I haven't even started talking about dating

but actually that's something

that in community

this is where we can actually begin to wrestle with these questions

and so we just got this to help begin that conversation

the final thing

we've talked about a new identity

we've talked about a new vision

we've talked about a new community

that we have

the last thing

is we have a new hope

because even when

and here's the kind of caveat

even when we do community really really well

we get our identity

we get that sense of vision and purpose

all of us

will still have

unmet longings in our hearts

and that goes whether you are single

or you are married

all of us

maybe will have longings for a partner

or maybe longings for a spouse to change

and if your hope

is ultimately in a relationship

sooner or later

that will crush you

like Hong Kong

is a transient place

people come and go

and we can sometimes feel the loss of friendships

right?

can't we?

and so Jesus

sorry

one person said

if Jesus isn't sufficient for you

when you are single

he won't be sufficient for you

when you are married

because our ultimate hope

is not found

in just the relationships we have

it's found in someone

who loves us

way more than anybody else ever will

because you know

Jesus Christ

was the most fulfilled single ever

but he was also

the most abandoned

the most rejected

the most shamed

single ever

do you realize

how counter-cultural

it was for him to be single?

but it wasn't just that

he was

not just a dry tree

he also died

on a dry tree

abandoned

the ultimate shame

and rejection

but he wasn't rooted

in bitterness

because you know

his hope was found

in his father

and in doing

his father's will

and being one

who knew his father

that's why

do you see

all through the gospels

he's always withdrawing

to be alone

with his father

do you know

there's a difference

between loneliness

and aloneness

you know

you can be alone

and not lonely

because Jesus

he's the one

who knows

that his father

is enough for him

some of us

immerse ourselves

in constant activity

and being with people

because you are terrified

of being alone

with your own thoughts

some of us

we like being alone

but it's a Netflix

Netflix

filled

self-focused

aloneness

but actually

what God is calling

each one of us

is to know

that the presence

that you need

more than any other presence

is the presence

of the heavenly father

who loves you

dearly and deeply

which is why

if you are a single

and if you are married

a daily rhythm

of getting into

the presence of God

in scripture

reading and prayer

is vital

if you don't want

to be a dry tree

because as a married

you know you can be

a different kind

of dry tree

a spiritually dry tree

and as a single

but actually

scripture says

if your roots

are deeply rooted

in the presence

of God

you will bear

much fruit

and your life

will flow

with the presence

of the one

who says

he's never going

to leave you

or forsake you

and so here's

the final part

that scripture

proclaims

if you are married

one day

you won't be

if you are single

one day

you won't be

because it says

human marriage

and sexuality

is penultimate

one day

all of your

unmet longings

and desires

will be ultimately

fulfilled

in the one

who is the

ultimate husband

the ultimate

bridegroom

that we are longing

for in our hearts

and that is

Jesus Christ

and we will see

him face to face

and you won't

be disappointed

and if Christ

is the center

of your marriage

right now

and if Christ

is the center

of your singleness

right now

there will be

pain

because we all

have a cross

to bear

but Jesus

shows you

the cross

always comes

before the

resurrection

and there is

resurrection life

with him

and he is

guaranteed it

by going ahead

of you

Jesus is

enough for you

today

he's enough

for you

with your

sexuality

he's enough

for you

with your

singleness

will you

trust him

will you

trust him

find time

alone with him

find your

identity in him

and let it

push us back

into be a

community

where we

don't just

preach our

identity in

Christ

but we

experience it

and live it

through our

community

relationships

let me pray

for us

and if you're

single right

now

I want you

actually to

just think

what is God

trying to say

to you

where are you

up to with

your singleness

where is

Jesus

in your

singleness

if you're

married

I want to

ask you

the same

question

where are you

up to

with your

marriage

how are you

seeing it

as part of

something that

can serve

others

rather than

just serving

yourself

and is

Jesus enough

for you

will you

trust him

just take a

minute to

reflect on

where your

hearts are

take a minute

just to

respond in

prayer to

him

I think

there's some

of you who

just really

have a

there's been

things that

we've said

this morning

which actually