How Not to Repent

Chapter 15, verse 1, we read,

And Samuel said to Saul,

The Lord sent me to anoint you king over his people Israel.

Now therefore, listen to the words of the Lord.

Thus says the Lord of hosts,

I have noted that Amalek did what Amalek did to Israel

in opposing them on the way when they came up out of Egypt.

Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have.

Do not spare them, but kill both men and women,

child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.

So Saul summoned the people and numbered them in Talim,

200,000 men on foot and 10,000 men of Judah.

And Saul came to the city of Amalek and lay in wait in the valley.

Then Saul said to the Canaanites,

Go, depart, go down from among the Amalekites,

lest I destroy you with them.

For you showed kindness to all the people of Israel

when they came up out of Egypt.

So the Canaanites departed from among the Amalekites.

And Saul defeated the Amalekites from Havilah,

as far as Shur, which is east of Egypt.

And he took Agag, the king of the Amalekites,

alive and devoted to destruction all the people

with the edge of the sword.

But Saul and the people spared Agag

and the best of the sheep and of the oxen

and of the fattened calves and the lamb

and all that was good

and would not utterly destroy them.

All that was despised and worthless,

they devoted to destruction.

The word of the Lord came to Samuel.

I regret that I have met Saul king,

for he has turned back from following me

and has not performed my commandments.

And Samuel was angry

and he cried to the Lord all night.

And Samuel rose early to meet Saul in the morning.

And it was told Samuel,

Saul came to Carmel

and behold, he set up a monument for himself

and turned and passed on

and went down to Yuga.

And Saul said to him,

Blessed be you to the Lord.

I have performed the commandment of the Lord.

And Samuel said,

What then is this bleating of the sheep in my ears

and the lowing of the oxen that I hear?

Saul said,

They have brought them from the Amalekites,

for the people spared the best of the sheep

and the oxen to sacrifice to the Lord your God

and the rest we have devoted to destruction.

And Samuel said to Saul,

Stop!

I will tell you what the Lord said to me this night.

And he said to him,

Speak.

And Samuel said,

Though you are little in your own eyes,

are you not the head of the tribes of Israel?

The Lord anointed you king over Israel,

and the Lord sent you on a mission and said,

Go, devote to destruction the sinners,

the Amalekites,

and fight against them until they are consumed.

Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord?

Why did you pounce on the spoil

and do what was evil in the sight of the Lord?

And Saul said to Samuel,

I have obeyed the voice of the Lord.

I have gone on the mission on which the Lord sent me.

I have brought Agag, the king of Amalek,

and I have devoted the Amalekites to destruction.

But the people took of the spoil,

sheep and oxen,

the best of the things devoted to destruction,

to sacrifice to the loyal God in Gilgal.

And Samuel said,

Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices

as in obeying the voice of the Lord?

Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice,

and to listen than the fat of rams.

For rebellion is the sin of divination,

and presumption is as iniquity and idolatry.

Because you have rejected the word of the Lord,

he has also rejected you from being king.

Saul said to Samuel,

I have sinned,

for I have transgressed the commandment of the Lord

and your words,

because I feared the people

and obeyed their voice.

Now therefore,

please pardon my sin and return with me,

that I may bow before the Lord.

And Samuel said to Saul,

I will not return with you,

for you have rejected the word of the Lord,

and the Lord has rejected you

from being king over Israel.

As Samuel turned to go away,

Saul seized the skirt of his robe and it tore.

And Samuel said to him,

The Lord has torn the kingdom of Israel from you this day,

and has given it to a neighbor of yours,

who is better than you.

And also,

the glory of Israel would not lie or have regret,

for he is not a man that he should have regret.

And he said,

I have sinned,

I have sinned,

yet honor me now before the elders of my people

and before Israel,

and return with me,

that I may bow before the Lord your God.

So Samuel turned back after Saul,

and Saul bowed before the Lord.

Then in verse 35,

And Samuel did not see Saul again

until the day of his death.

But Samuel grieved over Saul,

and the Lord regretted

that he had made Saul king over Israel.

This is the word of God.

I'm just going to do something.

So welcome.

Welcome everyone to Watermark.

Just really exciting to actually see some of your faces on the screen.

Great to see Hui Lin,

and Jesse,

and Victoria,

and Dwight earlier.

Great to see you.

I know in this time,

Zoom can be difficult to concentrate.

It can be difficult to focus.

But my prayer is actually,

just as Jeremy shared earlier on,

that actually we take this season,

not as a season to kind of wish your way,

but actually to really pursue God,

and to really seek to say,

God, who is the person,

or the people that you're placing on my heart,

that I can be praying for in Watermark,

that I can be sending a text,

that I can be encouraging at this time.

Because we really need to be a community

that's helping point each other to Jesus,

even in this period.

So let me just pray for us

as we get into God's word together.

Father, I just want to thank you

that you are a gracious God.

Thank you that you're a God who speaks to us.

Thank you, the God who knows us.

Thank you, the God who has not left us by ourselves,

but you're a God who comes to us

again and again and again,

who calls us back to yourself.

Thank you that you are a kind of God

who is not distant,

but actually wants deep relationship with us.

And I pray this morning,

as we hear from your word

and we hear about Saul's life and David's life,

we pray that God,

would you make us people after your own heart?

Would you make us those

who really know what it means to follow you?

I pray, Lord, particularly for those in this season,

whether it's with kids schooling online

or whether it's just the holidays coming up

and Chinese New Year not being all

that we wish it was going to be.

Lord, I pray that whatever the circumstances

that we find ourselves in,

you'd help us to realign our hearts,

place them back to you.

And realize that you are enough for us.

So we love you.

Speak to us, we pray.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Great.

Boris Johnson is the prime minister of the UK.

I don't think I've ever started a sermon like that before.

But he is.

But he is.

And he's right in the middle of something people are calling Partygate,

a scandal that he and his ministers and his office

have seemingly broken,

potentially,

some of the COVID lockdown rules

that they created themselves.

And so right in the midst of this,

it's a very tense situation for him.

And his leadership manifesto,

or his leadership mantra, if you like,

is never apologize,

never explain.

And yet,

about just a few weeks ago,

Boris Johnson came out to apologize

as the heat of anger,

public anger,

rose.

And here's what he said.

He said,

I want to apologize

because I carry full responsibility

for what took place.

But nobody told me

this was an event

that was against the rules.

Now,

I don't know about you,

and I'm not being political here,

but that,

to me,

doesn't sound like an apology.

That's what we call a non-apology.

You know,

it's like,

I'm sorry you were offended

kind of apology.

You know,

and in our culture of trial by social media,

almost every single day,

it seems,

there's either some sports personality,

a celebrity,

a business,

which comes out and apologizes

in some way

to kind of remove the heat

of the anger

or the circumstances

that are around them

to just be able to carry on

with what they're doing.

It's the,

I'm sorry we didn't do as well

as we could have

kind of answer,

which I often wonder,

are those actually true apologies

or are they non-apologies?

Because it's not just politicians

and it's not just celebrities.

Actually,

each one of us

can be masters

at some time or another

of the non-apology.

And so,

this passage

that we're looking at today

is actually all about

a non-apology.

You see,

we've been,

it's actually about

and we've titled it

How Not to Repent.

Because this,

we've been looking

at the book of Samuel

and Samuel has been

all about

how God

turns upside down

the way we look at things.

Whereas we look

at the outward appearance,

we look at how

religious someone looks,

how good someone looks

like Eli

or Eli's sons

on the outside

or tall and handsome

like Saul is.

But God

looks at the inside

of our hearts.

And God has given

the people of Israel

the king that they wanted

to fight their battles.

And he's actually led them

just in the last couple

of chapters

in great victory.

And everything

has seemed to be going well.

But there are signs

that not everything is right.

Because Saul

is a people pleaser.

And he's already

sacrificed

and gone against

the command of God

one time

because of his fear

of the people.

And today

we're going to look at

another incident

where we see

what's really going on

in the heart of Saul.

And so we're going to look

in three different sections.

We're going to look at

breaking God's heart.

We're going to look at

defending our pride

and then turning our hearts

in true repentance.

Okay?

So let's start off

with breaking God's heart.

So God

and keep looking

at the chapter

in front of you

if you've got your Bible

please have it open

so you can look through.

But God

through Samuel

comes to Saul

and he says this.

He says

the Lord

has sent me

to anoint you

king over his people.

In other words

he's saying

God

has given you

Saul

a responsibility

a stewardship

to lead

his people

God's people

they're not your people

they're his people

but you are to steward them

and lead them

to flourishing

and to lead them

towards God.

And then he gives

a command

he gives a command

he says

I want you to

strike Amalek

and I want you to

devote them to destruction

I want you to wipe them out

and leave nothing left.

Now

I don't have time

to actually

in this sermon

to go into

all the details

for that

but actually

for some of us

the idea

that God

actually commands

the death

of a group

of people

can be very disturbing

in many ways

and I feel

a little disturbed

in many things

and so

if you would like

to actually talk

a little bit more

about that

after the service

we're going to have

a breakout room

where we're going to

have a chance

for Q&A

where we can actually

go into more detail

and talk a little bit

about this issue

but the main point

of this passage

is not that

because the main point

of this passage

is what Saul

and the people

do in response

you see

how do they respond

they respond

by destroying

everything they think

is of little value

everything they despise

they get rid of

and then everything

they think is good

in their eyes

they keep

they despise

the Lord's command

and take

for themselves

what they want

just like Eli's sons

a few chapters earlier

just like Adam and Eve

do right at the

beginning of the

Bible story

right at the very

heart of sin

is this idea

of despising

what God says

and taking

for yourself

what you think

is good

in your own eyes

and God's response

isn't just kind of

a cold

or distant

oh

I'll leave you

to yourself

it isn't just

an angry response

it's not a kind of

that's it

I've had enough

of you

get out

it says here

in verse 11

it says

I regret

that's literally

I'm grieved

that I have made

Saul king

for he's turned back

from following me

you see

this same word

of I regret

this I'm grieved

is actually the same

word that comes in

in Genesis 6

where

out of the wickedness

of human beings

God promises a flood

and it says

the Lord was sorry

was grieved

that he had made man

on the earth

and it grieved him

okay

there's another

emotional word there

grieved him

to his heart

in the New Testament

in Mark 3

it says

when Jesus looked

at the Pharisees

who were treating

the vulnerable

with utter contempt

it says

he looked at them

with anger

grieved at their

hardness of heart

you see

what you see

is when God

looks at sin

if we put it

in human terms

he has mixed emotions

it's always an emotionally

painful experience

for God

because sin

breaks God's heart

because sin

breaks loving relationships

with God

with each other

with ourselves

and with creation

it breaks everything

and it makes him

angry

and it also

grieves him

you see

self-righteous anger

is only filled

with anger

righteous anger

is always

an emotion

which is

filled with sadness

so if you want

to think about

the last time

you were angry

and you want

to decide

was it righteous

or was it self-righteous

kind of angry

towards someone

just think of

did you have

any sadness

towards the person

at the same time

because that may

give you an indication

of where your heart

was in that point

because Samuel

feels God's heart

and it says

and Samuel

was angry

and he cried

to the Lord

all night

do you see

discipleship

growing like Jesus

is not just about

growing in our

understanding

of the Bible

it's actually

growing

to emotionally

that your heart

gets impacted

by the same things

that impact

God's heart

that your heart

when you see

your sin

when you see

other people's sin

when you see

injustice

it breaks your heart

for what breaks

God's heart

that's when you know

that your heart

is being changed

by God

to become more

after his own heart

and that's what

the whole of Samuel

is about

where our hearts are

and you see

the author

now

brilliantly

contrasts

now

this heart

that Samuel

has

which is God's

heart

towards this

situation

towards the sin

of Saul

with how Saul

himself responds

and so here's

where we're going

to go

and move

to

not just

breaking God's

heart

but actually

defending

your own heart

your own pride

and here

we're going to look

at Saul

and just kind of

flow through with me

in the text

where we're going

you see what happens

in verse 12

it says

it was told to Samuel

that Saul

came to Carmel

and behold

he set up a monument

for himself

and then he turned

and passed on

and went down

to Gilgal

to meet Samuel

now just think

about that

a monument

just think about

what he's doing

right at the heart

of what's going on

Samuel is actually

seized behind the

scenes of what's

happening

Saul wants to

honour and exalt

himself in the

eyes of the people

he's a people

pleaser

he craves their

respect

that's why he

builds his

monument

now right at

the end of the

story

the last thing

that Saul does

that Saul does

he says this

he says

honour me now

before the elders

of my people

and before Israel

you see

what is he

doing

see he's

actually

what's changed

in his heart

nothing's changed

for Saul

he feels

small and

insignificant

Samuel says

you were little

in your own

eyes in verse 17

but he wants

to feel big

he wants others

to go yeah

you're the man

he wants to be

able to walk

into a room

and people go

there's Saul

wow what a guy

that's what he

wants because

what people think

about him is what

drives his own

heart

and in the

title of a

book

when people

are big

God is

small

and so when

he sees

Samuel

straight after

this

Saul shows

us how not

to repent

and how to

defend what

you have

done

okay

I'm going

to go

through four

tactics

that Saul

does to

still try

and keep

face

and make

himself

look good

even though

he's honouring

himself rather

than honouring

God

tactic one

he plays

the innocent

that's 13

he goes

blessed be you

to the Lord

I've performed

the commandment

of the Lord

now Samuel

knows like

what's going

on behind

the scenes

but Saul

just wants

to look good

and religious

in front of

him

Samuel sees

through it

and he says

this

he says

oh what

then is this

bleating

of the sheep

in my ears

and the lowing

of the oxen

that I hear

in other words

he's saying

I'm hearing

one thing

from you Saul

but my ears

are hearing

a completely

different story

and what he's

doing he's

actually confronting

Saul with

reality

the reality

of his sin

and when God

confronts you

with the reality

of your sin

it's never

to condemn you

it's always

giving you

an opportunity

to come clean

to come into

the light

to come and

find freedom

and forgiveness

and healing

but Saul's

face is too

important to him

so he moves

on to tactic

two

which is a

defensiveness

and blame

shifting

so Saul says

they

have brought

them

from the

Amalekites

for the

people

spared

the best

of the

sheep

and of the

oxen

to sacrifice

to the

Lord your

God

and the

rest

we have

devoted

to destruction

do you see

what he's doing

he's blame

shifting

all the

responsibility

on to the

people

now

he says

it's not

me

it was

them

and it

was good

intentions

after all

it was kind

of no one

told me

the rules

I was tired

you started

it

Samuel's not

buying it

verse 17

he says

but the

Lord

anointed

you

king

over

Israel

why then

did you

not obey

the voice

of the

Lord

why did

you

pounce

on the

spoil

and do

what was

evil

in the

sight

of the

Lord

he's

saying

you're

responsible

Saul

you're

the

king

stop

passing

the

buck

playing

the

victim

you know

some of

us

can do

that

we can

blame

shift

and play

the

victim

but godly

people

own

their

sin

they

don't

blame

shift

and play

the

victim

that's

what

Samuel's

coming

to him

again

but Saul's

not having

any of it

tactic

three

okay

he's gone

from

just playing

innocent

he's gone

now from

blame

shifting

now he

wants to

highlight

all of

his good

points

he says

verse 20

I have obeyed

the Lord

the voice

of the Lord

I have

gone on

the mission

of the Lord

that the Lord

sent me

on

I have

brought

Agag

the king

of Amalek

I have

devoted

the Amalekites

to the

destruction

he's saying

look at all

the good

things

that I've

done

but the

people

blame

shifting

again

took

of the

spoil

the sheep

and the

oxen

you know

this is

the kind

of the

marriage

defensiveness

of I've

done so

much for

you and

you list

all the

good things

you've

done

so now

you're

criticizing

me for

this

and Saul's

had three

chances to

repent

but instead

of owning

any of it

he's just

been defensive

the whole

way

why

because of

his pride

because of

that monument

that he wants

to build to

himself

because of

his insecurity

because none

of us want

to be exposed

do we

really for

what's really

going on

down here

it's scary

you know

an apology

a true

repentance

lays you

open to

being seen

as weak

and vulnerable

to attack

you know

the German

philosopher

Friedrich

Nietzsche

he said

this

and I

like this

quote

he said

memory

says

I did

that

pride

replies

I could

not have

done

that

eventually

memory

yields

do you

get what

he's saying

he's saying

actually

it's right

at heart

our pride

wants us

to be

exalted

and that's

what leads

us to

defend

ourselves

so much

it's what's

going on

with Saul's

heart

and Samuel

he sees

through the

whole thing

and he

brings down

the hammer

blow

he goes

like this

he says

has the

Lord

as great

delight

in burnt

offerings

as sacrifices

as in obeying

the voice

of the Lord

behold

to obey

is better

than sacrifice

and to

listen

than the

fact

of rams

rebellion

is the

sin

of divination

and presumption

is as

iniquity

and idolatry

he's saying

what you're

doing is

idolatry

because you

have rejected

the word

of the Lord

here's the

blow

he has

also

rejected

you

from being

king

do you see

what he's

saying

he's saying

all your

kind of

pretended

sacrifice

you know

you can

you can

say oh

I've

served

this

I've

done

all

this

I've

done

all

this

for

you

God

but

all

of

that's

a

smoke

screen

for

this

area

this

command

where

he

is

in

disobedience

and

God

says

I

look

with

the

same

disdain

on that

as I

look at

witchcraft

he says

because the

heart of

rebelling

against me

is the

same

and

interestingly

actually to

prove the

point

the end

of Samuel

has Saul

actually going

to visit

a witch

the witch

of Endor

which shows

where the

trajectory

of his

entire

heart

is going

because

he's not

willing to

repent

you know

we can

serve all

we like

we can

do a ton

of great

religious

things

but if

actually

God is

calling us

to obey

him in

some

area

and we

are

resisting

we are

resisting

we are

resisting

God

says

I don't

care about

the other

stuff

I'm looking

at where

your heart

is

I'm not

looking at

the outward

you know

Jeremy Tam

showed me

actually this

week

verse 15

21

30

Saul

actually

keeps

referring

to God

as the

Lord

your God

Samuel

you see

it's not

his God

because

he is

his own

God

he's

wanting

to exalt

and honour

himself

with that

monument

with his

own honour

and when

you do

that

there are

consequences

Samuel

says

your kingship

is over

because you

wanted to be

your own

king for

your own

honour

not God's

king

then you

will no

longer be

God's

king

for his

people

and you

could hear

a pin

drop

because Saul

knows

Samuel

speaks

God's

word

and so

he's

gone

from

trying

to

play

the

innocent

he's

gone

from

just

defending

blame

shifting

to

try

and

focus

on

all

the

good

things

he's

doing

to

then

step

four

tactic

for

a

non-apology

to avoid

consequences

Saul

feels

the

consequences

he feels

it

the place

which is

most precious

to his

heart

his own

honour

and out

of fear

he goes

I've

sinned

for

I

have

transgressed

the

commandment

of the

Lord

and

your

words

because

I

feared

the

people

and

obeyed

their

voice

now

please

pardon

my

sin

and

come

back

with

me

you see

he

admits

the

issue

he's

a

people

pleaser

he

feared

the

people

and

you know

people

pleasers

are

always

obedient

people

it's

just

they

obey

other

people's

voices

not

God's

because

fear

can actually

make you

apologize

but

sorry

is not

enough

here

because

it

doesn't

turn

his

heart

away

from

people

pleasing

because

the

final

thing

he

says

is

this

he

says

I've

sinned

yet

honour

me

now

before

the

elders

of my

people

and

before

Israel

and

return

with

me

that

I

may

bow

before

the

Lord

your

God

you see

it's

all

about

show

on

the

outward

when

the

inward

is

about

his

own

honour

in

front

of

everybody

else

I

don't

know

if

you

can

relate

to

any

of

that

I

can

in

my

own

life

I

don't

know

how

you

see

those

tactics

work

out

for

you

let

me

give

you

a

very

hypothetical

situation

so

my

wife

and

I

we

agree

that

if

I'm

going

to

go

out

in

evening

times

I

need

to

let

her

know

beforehand

just

in

case

she

needs

help

with

the

kids

and

when

my

wife

confronts

me

with

why

I

didn't

tell

her

do

you

know

what

I

do

sometimes

I

say

things

like

I

play

the

innocent

I

say

oh

yeah

I

did

tell

you

I

did

tell

I'm

sure

I

told

you

and

then

she

says

when

and

I

go

well

work

with

kind

of

super

busy

and

I

just

didn't

have

the

time

but

she

then

goes

well

so

how

come

you

had

time

to

watch

YouTube

or

do

that

other

thing

that

you

were

doing

and

I

go

well

listen

every

other

time

in

the

last

three

weeks

I

told

you

and

you

didn't

tell

me

the

last

time

you

went

out

and

so

and

then

she

may

reply

well

this

is

actually

serious

and

so

until

you

change

I

I

am

not

going

to

go

out

to

you

with

that

important

meeting

that

you

want

me

to

go

to

and

then

suddenly

I'm

really

listening

because

actually

I

really

want

us

to

be

able

to

go

together

and

then

I

go

I'm

sorry

I'll

try

to

do

better

next

time

but

I

just

need

you

to

come

with

me

this

time

okay

it's

really

really

important

do

you

know

that's

not

an

apology

that's

not

an

apology

and

she

goes

oh

how

are

with

God

or

a

family

or

a

spouse

without

truly

owning

your

sin

without

excusing

the

harder

your

heart

becomes

until

your

arteries

can be

so hard

that there's

no way

back

and so

actually

repentance

the call

to repent

is an

opportunity

that God

brings

to us

you know

I was

preparing

this

sermon

in a

cafe

and

just

as I

was

preparing

this

part

a

song

came

on

the

radio

and

it

said

it's

too

late

to

apologize

it's

too

late

okay

and

that's

all

sorry

for my

singing

but

that's

all

it's

too

late

for him

to

apologize

because

he's

had

so

many

opportunities

but

his

heart

is

hard

and so

there's

the

question

where

are

the

areas

of

your

life

your

relationship

with

God

what

is

he

calling

you

to

do

what

about

with

relationships

with

family

with

friend

with

spouses

where

your

defenses

where

you

not

apologize

instead

of

taking

responsibility

you know

some of

our

relationships

have

real

struggles

because

we're

not

owning

the

part

that

God