When Conflict Comes to Church

The scripture reading today comes from the book of Matthew, chapter 18.

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

Please follow along on the bulletin, on the screen, or on your own Bible.

Starting in verse 15, we read,

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.

If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you,

that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church.

And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Truly, I said to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven,

and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Again, I said to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask,

it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.

For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.

Then Peter came up and said to him,

Lord, how often will my brothers sin against me, and I forgive him?

As many as seven times?

Jesus said to him,

I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king

who wished to settle accounts with his servants.

When he began to settle,

one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents.

And since he could not pay,

his master ordered him to be sold,

with his wife and children,

and all that he had,

and payment to be made.

So the servant fell on his knees,

imploring him,

Have patience with me,

and I will pay you everything.

And out of pity for him,

the master of that servant released him,

and forgave him the debt.

But when that same servant went out,

he found one of his fellow servants

who owed him a hundred denarii.

And seizing him,

he began to choke him, saying,

Pay what you owe.

So his fellow servant fell down

and pleaded with him,

Have patience with me,

and I will pay you.

He refused,

and went and put him in prison

until he should pay the debt.

When his fellow servants saw

what had taken place,

they were greatly distressed.

And they went and reported to their master

all that had taken place.

Then his master summoned him

and said to him,

You wicked servant,

I forgave you all that debt

because you pleaded with me.

And should not you have had mercy

on your fellow servant

as I have mercy on you?

And in anger,

his master delivered him

to the jailers

until he should pay all his debt.

So, also,

my heavenly Father

will do to every one of you

if you do not forgive your brother

from your heart.

This is the word of God.

Great.

Thank you, Anastasia.

Well, let's come before our Father

in prayer

as we look at this passage together.

Lord Jesus Christ,

Heavenly Father,

Holy Spirit,

we come before you this morning.

We open up our,

not only our hands,

but our hearts.

We want to hear from you.

We want you to speak to us, God.

Won't you minister to us?

Won't you heal us?

Won't you encourage us?

Won't you call us to yourself?

God, you know where each one of us

are at this morning.

You know our joys and our delights,

our pains and our fears.

Father, won't your word come and speak to us?

Lord, open up our hearts

as we open up your word, we pray.

In your wonderful name.

Amen.

If you have recently returned to Hong Kong

from being away for the whole summer

or the whole of 2022,

welcome back.

EJ and others, great to have you.

But you might be forgiven

in not recognizing half of the church.

And the reason is because

over the last six months or so,

there's been so much change at Watermark.

We've had to say goodbye

to a whole bunch of people.

Chris and Jen, Chris and Fiona,

Echo, Ryan and Catherine this week

went to Singapore.

We're going to be saying goodbye

to some more people

in the next couple of months.

But we've also had a whole lot

of new people coming,

which has been wonderful.

And that's been really exciting,

getting to know some new people

in the church.

It's been really great.

And so there's been lots of change.

One of the new people

that I hope does,

I hope, let me put it this way.

One of the guests

that I hope never comes to Watermark,

but may, but I hope

we're going to do everything we can

to shut him out,

is a guest called Mr. Conflict.

Mr. Conflict.

What do you do when conflict

comes to the church?

Well, for a number of us here,

you became a Christian at Watermark,

and Watermark is maybe

the only church that you know.

And my hope is that

it's been a good experience.

Hopefully you've been welcomed

with uncommon grace and humility.

But we also know that

that's not always the reality in church.

Sometimes at Watermark,

but maybe at another church as well,

many of us have experienced pain

and difficulty and conflict in the church.

In Matthew 16,

that we looked at a few weeks ago,

Jesus says,

I will build my church.

And in chapter 18,

which we looked at last week

and this morning,

Jesus is explaining his church,

how it's going to operate

and how his church is going to work.

And one of the things that we see

is that the church is made up

of people who are both saints,

but also sinners,

but also sufferers,

all at the same time.

So the church,

Christians are made up of

saints and sinners and sufferers.

The word saint doesn't mean

someone who is morally perfect

and got it all together.

The word saint means

someone who is set apart

to be part of Christ's kingdom,

belongs to Jesus.

And that's what the church

is made up of.

But the church is also

made up of sinners.

We heard this last week

where Niels explained to us,

all of us are needy sinners.

We are fallen.

We are broken.

We don't have it all together.

Oh, but the church

is also made up of sufferers

because we live in a broken world

and we feel the effect

and the scars of other people's sin

and brokenness in our lives.

And so the church is made up

of sinners and saints and sufferers

and not just as a collection,

but each one of us

carry that ourselves.

And so what that means is

the church does not consist

of those that are perfect people,

but those that are forgiven people.

Does that make sense?

And so in a church family

like Watermark,

hopefully as wonderful as it is,

it's not perfect.

At best, we're made to be

a foretaste of heaven,

a picture of glory in some ways,

this uncommon unity

that Claire spoke about.

But we're not perfect.

We're still going to make mistakes.

And sometimes that means

this conflict is going to arise.

And so in this passage,

Jesus is going to tell us two things.

He's going to say,

on the one hand,

don't be surprised

when there's relational sin

or conflict in the church

because the church is not perfect.

It's made up of imperfect people.

And so don't be surprised

when that happens as if,

oh my goodness,

I can't believe this.

But on the other hand,

Jesus says,

don't be okay with it.

Don't tolerate it.

Don't say,

oh well, you know,

hey, that's the way it is.

I guess we all just sinners,

so okay.

So don't be surprised,

but don't be okay with it.

And the reason is

because conflict and sin

is such a terrible thing.

It causes such breakdown

of relationship.

It causes such hurt and pain.

Sin always breaks relationship.

One with God,

vertically,

but also horizontally

with each other.

And so that's why

in our passage last week,

if you'll remember,

Neil's preached in verse six,

Jesus says,

if somebody causes

one of these little ones,

remember who the little ones?

They're not the children.

They're all of us.

If somebody causes

one of these little ones to sin,

it would be better

for a millstone

to be tied around his neck

and thrown into the sea.

That's how serious

Jesus is with sin.

He says,

if your right hand

causes you to sin,

hey, maybe you should

cut it off.

If your left foot

causes you to sin,

maybe cut it off.

It's better to end

into life maimed

than to have two limbs

and go to hell.

Jesus says,

sin is serious

and it's terrible.

And yet he says,

don't be overly surprised

when it happens

because the church

is not made up

of perfect people.

It's made up

of forgiven people.

Well,

in our passage today,

Matthew 18,

the question is this.

So how should we handle

relational conflict

in the church?

There's two stories

in our passage

and they both start off

with almost

the identical sentence.

If you've got your Bible,

look at verse 15

with me.

Jesus says,

if your brother

sins against you.

And then verse 21,

Peter starts off

the next section

saying this,

Lord,

how many times

should I allow

my brother

to sin against me

and I forgive him?

Two sentences

that start off

the two different sections

almost identically.

And so the question is this,

how do we handle

sin in the church?

Relational conflict.

When Jesus is talking

about a brother here,

he's not talking about

your biological brother,

he's talking about

another believer,

right?

A brother or sister

in Christ.

Friends,

how do we handle

it when somebody

lets you down?

When somebody treats you

in a way that you feel

dishonored

or embarrassed by them

or shamed by them?

Maybe you feel like

somebody has spoken

about you behind your back.

Or maybe somebody

says something

and then you find out

actually there's a whole

other story,

the reality is different

and you feel like

they've been dishonest

with you.

How do we handle

these kind of difficulties?

Somebody promises you

something and then

lets you down

and makes a lame excuse.

How do we handle

relational difficulty

in the church?

Well,

before we get to Jesus,

let's think about this.

Let me suggest

a couple of ways

we could handle it.

One way is you could say,

I'll trust you

the first time,

but thereafter

you let me down,

that's it, right?

Do you know the saying,

if you hurt me once,

shame on you.

You hurt me twice,

shame on me.

I don't know if you know

that saying, right?

It means I'll trust you

the first time,

but if you hurt me

and I trust you again,

that's my fault

for trusting you.

So maybe you feel like,

I'll trust you the first time,

but you've got one shot at it,

don't let me down.

After that,

I'm going to withdraw

and just retreat.

Maybe you could feel like,

hey,

I've been hurt down

by people in the past,

maybe my parents

or a colleague

or a friend,

maybe the pastor

at my previous church.

Actually,

so I'm going to build up

my wall around me

and I'm going to just

keep my distance from people

and not really let anyone in.

I don't know if you know

the song by Paul Simon

back in the 80s,

I Am a Rock.

He says,

I have no need for friendship.

Friendship causes pain.

If I never loved,

I never would have cried.

So I built up the walls.

I am a rock.

I am an island.

For a rock feels no pain

and an island never cries.

Maybe that's how you feel, right?

I've been hurt in the past.

I'm going to build up my walls.

I'm not going to let anybody in.

Maybe there's another way

to handle difficulty

and that is

to take the advice

of social media.

What does social media

tell us these days?

If any relationship

causes you stress

or anxiety,

it's a toxic relationship,

you cut them off, right?

That's the thinking

of our world, right?

Toxic relationships

are bad for you.

That person's dead to me.

I don't have time

for toxic relationships.

Someone causes you

stress and anxiety,

you just cut them off.

How should we as a church

handle relational difficulty

when conflict comes to church?

Well, Jesus is going to give us

two bits of wisdom

in this passage

that go right against

the grain of popular culture.

And so let's see

what Jesus says

in our passage.

The first thing Jesus says

is this.

Don't hide from

relational conflict.

Talk about it.

Don't ignore it.

Sweep it under the rug.

Pretend it doesn't exist.

No, go talk about it.

Address it.

Look at verse 15

with me

in your Bible.

Neil spoke about this

last week,

but let's look at it

again briefly.

Verse 15,

Jesus says,

If your brother

sins against you,

then put on a friendly face

at church

and pretend

nothing has happened

in order to maintain

the peace.

No, no,

he doesn't say that.

He says,

No, if your brother

sins against you,

go and talk to him

about it.

Tell him his fault,

his offense,

between him

and you alone.

Now,

the way that Matthew

writes this,

it sounds pretty

black and white, right?

Somebody does something,

you just go to them

and say,

Hey, Buster,

you messed up.

Let's sort it out.

Well, in reality,

life's not often

that black and white, right?

It's not always

that clear.

And so maybe

a better way

of talking about it

is if somebody,

if you feel like

somebody's hurt you

or offended you

or done something

against you,

a good way to handle it

is to go and say,

Hey, I feel like

this has happened.

Am I understanding

the situation right?

Or,

my impression is that

you said this,

but then this happened

and that feels like

there's a disconnect.

Can we talk about this?

So rather than just

going and saying,

You sucker,

this is what you did,

there's a way

to approach it

that requires humility

and wisdom

and grace.

But Jesus' point here

is don't just sweep it

under the rug,

pretend nothing's happened,

actually go and talk

to your brother

or your sister about it.

See, I feel like

this might have happened.

Can we talk about this?

And so our job

is not to be

the chief prosecuting officer

in the church

to go around

telling everybody

their fault.

No, no,

that's just going to

make people defensive.

If we do it

with humility,

people will have humility

to hear it

and receive it.

But Jesus' point

is this,

when something comes up,

when someone has wronged you,

go and talk to them

about it.

Now,

why should we do this?

Is it because

we want to put people

in their place?

Is it a bit too much

pride in the church

and so we've just

got to humble people

a little bit,

bring them down

a notch or two?

Or maybe the reason

is because

actually my reputation

has been tattered

and I want to restore

my reputation

in the community.

No, no,

actually look at

what Jesus says here,

verse 15,

because if he listens

to you,

you've gained your brother

or your sister.

Jesus' point here,

his motivation,

is love.

It's to restore

the relationship,

to restore trust,

to rebuild

the relationship

that's been hurt.

The goal here

is to love someone.

It's a form of love

to honor them enough

to go and talk to them

and say,

hey, I know this is difficult,

but I feel like

this has happened.

Can we talk about this?

It's the same thing

Jesus says

in the section before,

right?

He says,

if someone's got

a hundred sheep

and one wanders off,

it's easy to think,

ah, it's just one,

I've still got 99.

Actually,

go and leave those 99

where they are

and you go after the one.

Friends,

it's easy to think,

I've got 99 other friends

in church,

it's okay if I lose

one or two.

No, no, no.

No, leave those 99,

they'll still be there.

You go after the one,

say,

hey, can we talk about this?

Now,

the reality is

that sometimes

it doesn't always go

as well as that,

right?

You go and you talk

to someone

and you say,

hey, can we talk about this?

And they push back

and they don't want

to talk about it

or they get defensive

and they say,

no, it's not the case

or they maybe twist it on you

and say,

actually, it's your fault.

If you hadn't done this,

I wouldn't have done this.

And what does Jesus say?

Do we just say,

okay, well, I tried.

I guess I'll just avoid

that person.

No, look what he says.

He says,

go and take somebody with you.

Maybe take a friend

or a CG leader

or an elder

and say,

hey, I really want

to talk through this.

I really want to store

the relationship.

Can we talk through

what happened here?

And eventually,

that person still

doesn't want to talk about it

or maybe the members

need to get involved

and say,

hey, when we've joined

this church,

we agreed this is how

we're going to handle things

and this isn't how

we handle it.

Let's really talk about it.

But Jesus' point is here.

When there's relational difficulty,

you feel like someone's hurt you

or let you down,

don't ignore it.

Don't pretend it.

Go and talk to them.

And the reason is this.

Because relational conflict

is like food

that's going moldy

at the back of the fridge.

Right?

Do you know what that is like?

You open the fridge

and there's some noodles

from like three weeks ago

and there's some stuff

growing on it

or you untapped the milk

and you can smell it

and it smells terrible.

Oh, it's so easy

just to close the fridge

and leave it to someone else.

Especially if you live

in like a commune

or a digs

with other students, right?

Say, I'm just going to leave it.

It'll be someone else's problem.

But it doesn't go away, does it?

It's just going to get worse.

Or even more serious,

imagine you go to the doctor

and you say,

I'm just not feeling well.

And he does a scan

and he finds a growth

or a lump

and he feels like,

I really want to go

on holiday next week.

This is not very convenient.

I'm just going to pretend

it's not there.

That's not going to help things.

It's not going to disappear

on its own.

It doesn't just vanish.

No, no, no.

You deal with it.

You move towards it.

Hey, can I tell you

where I see this the most often

in my life?

With my marriage to Claire, right?

Sometimes I know

you'd never believe it,

but just hypothetically, right?

Something happens between us

and there's some misunderstanding

and I feel like,

and then I tell myself,

I don't want to avoid,

I don't want to deal with this.

I'm just going to avoid it.

And I tell myself,

it's not a big deal.

It's just,

if I ignore it,

it's going to go away.

And what happens

after two or three days,

I'm thinking about it

and I start to think,

I said this

and then she said this

and then I said

we're going to do this

and then she went and did this

and I'm replaying it

over in my mind

and I'm telling myself,

it's not a big deal,

it's just going to go away.

But what's happening,

it's still there

and then two days later,

something small happens

and what do you think

comes out of my mouth?

A whole volcano

of frustration

and emotion, right?

And in that moment,

I wish,

oh my goodness,

I wish just two days ago,

I'd said,

hey love,

I feel like,

I feel like there's something

between us

or hey love,

I feel misunderstood,

can we talk about this?

I wish I had done it

and I regret,

I didn't.

Friends,

let's not let that happen

in the church.

Let's not stew on things

or bury things

or leave them unaddressed.

Don't come to church

with a fake smile,

pretending everything's wonderful

and in our heart,

actually we are seething.

No,

let's talk about it.

Let's address it.

Let's restore the conflict.

Let's humbly,

graciously,

love one another

enough to talk about it.

Now,

in the second passage,

second story,

Jesus gives us

another bit of wisdom

and this is even harder

and Jesus' wisdom is this.

Firstly,

we said,

don't hide from it,

talk about it.

Secondly,

Jesus says,

don't hold on to it

but release it.

Look at verse 21 with me.

Peter says,

Lord,

how often will my brother

or sister

sin against me

and I forgive them?

Now,

that's a great question,

right?

That's a great question.

How many times

should somebody come to you

and say,

listen,

I've messed up,

please forgive me

and you say,

it's okay,

it's behind us.

Now,

the rabbis in Jesus' day

based on some scripture

in the Old Testament

thought three was a good number,

right?

Amos 1 and 2.

So they said,

three times you forgive your brother,

the fourth time,

that's it.

They're not listening.

Well,

Peter's a very generous guy

and so he says,

seven times,

Lord.

And look at what Jesus says.

I tell you not seven times

but 77 times

or the Greek could be

70 times seven times,

right?

Jesus' point here

is not that you keep on

forgiving somebody

until you get to

number 491,

right?

and then finally

entitled to take revenge.

490 strikes

and then you're out.

No,

Jesus' point here

is don't keep score.

Don't even count.

If somebody comes to you

and says,

hey,

I messed up,

I'm really sorry,

just forgive them.

Let it go.

Jesus' point here

is if someone

lets you down

and messes up

and they really come

and ask for forgiveness,

don't say,

well,

this is the fourth time,

this is the seventh time.

If they really are sorry,

let it be to you

like this is the very first time

that it's happening.

Now,

Jesus here

is not talking about

brushing aside

serious

cases of abuse,

right?

If somebody comes

and abuses you

physically,

emotionally,

sexually,

Jesus is not saying,

ah,

whatever,

just forgive them,

you know,

you're a Christian,

just let it go.

No,

no,

friends,

when there's cases of that,

you may need to walk

with a professional,

a counselor,

there's deep,

deep pain involved,

right?

And so Jesus is not

just brushing it off

saying,

ah,

whatever.

But Jesus is also

not saying that

forgiving somebody

is the same

as excusing somebody.

And that's an important

difference,

right?

Excusing somebody

is saying

there's some reason,

there's some

extenuating circumstances

why they're not

really responsible

for what happened.

So,

for instance,

right,

you've got a meeting

with somebody

and they

don't arrive

for your meeting.

They just don't show up.

And they phone you

and they say,

I'm so sorry,

it's my fault

entirely,

please forgive me.

Okay,

they're asking for forgiveness,

right?

But if somebody phones you

and says,

I'm so sorry,

please forgive me,

just before I left

the office last night,

my boss gave me

this huge presentation.

And so I worked

until like 2 a.m.

And just when I was

going to bed,

my dog got sick

and started vomiting

all over the couch.

And I,

it was an emergency,

so I had to take my dog

to the vet

and you'll never believe

what happened.

I got to the vet

and there was somebody else

with their pet lion

and their lion

was attacking my dog

and I didn't get to sleep

until like 8 o'clock

this morning.

I'm so sorry.

What are they saying?

They're not asking

for forgiveness,

they're asking

to be excused,

right?

They're saying,

it's not really my fault.

Here are all the reasons

why I'm not responsible.

But when somebody's

asking to be excused,

what they're really saying

is the offense

that I've caused

is not that big

or it didn't really hurt you

or it's not really my fault.

But that's not what

Jesus is talking about here.

Excusing somebody

is saying the offense

wasn't their fault.

Forgiving them

is releasing them

even though it was their fault.

Jesus says we need

to forgive somebody

who sins against us.

He's not asking us

just to excuse them.

He's not asking us

to say,

well,

I guess it wasn't

really that bad.

Just, you know,

move on.

He's saying no,

it was bad.

It was painful.

What they did was wrong.

But can you find

in your heart

to release them anyway?

When Jesus talks

about forgiveness here,

he's talking about

what Tim Keller says,

refusing to nurse

the grudge

in our heart

or replay the wrongdoing

over in our mind,

right?

in our hearts

and our minds.

C.S. Lewis says,

to forgive somebody

is to make every effort

to kill

every taste

of resentment

or bitterness

in my heart,

every desire

to pay back,

humiliate,

or to see the person

suffer.

It's to release

the moral debt

that that person owes me

for their wrongdoing.

Now, of course,

that doesn't mean

that there's no consequences

to their wrongdoing.

Somebody really lets you down

again and again and again.

It may take a while

to rebuild the trust.

It doesn't mean

that you just necessarily

trust them straight away,

but you can release them

from the moral debt

that they owe you.

Somebody talks about you

behind your back

or lies to you

again and again,

there's consequences to that.

Somebody does something

really egregious,

they may go to jail

and have to face

the consequences.

So forgiving them

doesn't mean

not facing consequences,

but it means releasing them

of the bitterness

in our own hearts

the resentment

and the moral debt

that they owe us.

Jesus is calling us

to kill every taste

of resentment

in our hearts

and to release the person

from our hearts.

Now, on the one hand,

as we spoke about earlier,

popular culture says,

hey, if somebody hurts you,

you cut them off, right?

They're causing you

stress and anxiety,

just find other friends.

On the other hand,

there's another approach

that popular culture has

and it says this,

to forgive somebody

is the best thing

that you can do

because that's actually

the way that you

are going to be free

from the pain

that they're causing you.

In other words,

culture tells us

if you hold on

to resentment

and bitterness,

it's like drinking a poison

that's only going to cause

your own heart pain

and it's better to release them

so that you can be free.

And that is definitely true.

I don't know if you know

the famous phrase, right?

Holding on to bitterness

is like drinking poison

and waiting for someone else

to die.

And that's definitely true.

If you refuse

to forgive somebody,

you are inextricably tied

to that person,

even if you don't want to be.

Even if that person

moves to the other side

of the world

or even if they pass away

and die,

you are still bound to them

if you can't forgive them.

And so that is true,

but that's not Jesus' motivation.

Jesus gives another motivation

in this passage.

Jesus gives us a reason

to practice radical,

undeserved forgiveness

and grace,

not because of what

it will do to us,

but because of what

He has already done for us.

Jesus compels us

to forgive those

that have hurt us,

not because of what

you can do for yourself,

but because of what

He has done for you.

And so Jesus tells

this parable

that Anastasia read to us.

He says there's this guy

who owes 10,000 talents.

Now in the first century,

a talent was the highest

currency available.

It was the highest

unit of currency.

And 10,000

was the highest

Greek numeral.

So Jesus here is saying

an obscene amount

of money, right?

Robert Gundry,

one of the commentators,

says a gazillion dollars.

Okay,

so that's how much

this guy earns.

So here's a guy,

he owes a gazillion dollars,

more than you can

even fathom.

And one day,

his loan is recalled.

And he's doomed, right?

There's nothing

he can do about it.

He can't pay it back.

He can't trade his way

out of his debt.

He can't sell himself

into slavery

and pay off his debt.

There's nothing he can do.

He's dead.

He's doomed.

And so the man

falls on his knees

and he says,

Lord, have mercy

with me.

Have patience with me.

I will repay you

everything I owe.

Which is a lie.

He can't repay it.

He's never going

to repay it back.

And amazingly,

this king,

this master,

for some reason,

decides to give him

grace and mercy.

And he doesn't just

give him more time

to get his affairs

in order

or to restructure

his loan.

He says,

do you know what?

Take your debt

that you owe me

and write it off.

He takes the contract

note and he tears it up.

He completely just

writes off

this guy's debt.

He says,

you owe me nothing.

Insane, right?

Amazing.

Now,

a gazillion dollars

doesn't really make sense to us.

So picture yourself

in this situation.

Imagine

you've got a credit card

and you're not really careful

and you spend wildly on it

and you do a whole lot

of crazy things

and you make some

really bad decisions

and you feel like

you're wealthy

and you get into

tons of debt.

And before you know it,

your credit card statement

says you're half a million dollars

in debt,

$500,000 in debt.

Maybe even more,

maybe a million dollars,

okay?

A million dollars you owe.

But in addition to that,

you actually bought

an apartment

a few years ago

when times were good

and you mortgaged it

up to the hilt

and now you own

$20 million on your apartment

and you just lost your job

and now you owe

over $20 million,

you've got no job,

no income,

you're in deep trouble,

right?

And so one day

your bank manager

phones you

and says,

hey,

we need to talk about

your loan,

the money that you owe us

and you don't know

what to say.

And so you say,

listen,

I'm really busy,

I'll call you later

and you don't call back

and he phones

and you avoid

his phone calls

and eventually

he comes around

to your house,

right?

And you say,

listen,

I'm in deep trouble,

right?

I don't know

how I'm going to pay you,

$20 million.

I don't know

but I'll make a plan.

Anyway,

the next day

you get a phone call

and your bank manager

says,

I'm feeling generous today,

I'm going to write off

that million dollars

that you owe us.

You go online

to your credit card

and you see

the total

says zero.

Unbelievable.

Oh my goodness.

I mean,

isn't that a good thing?

Well,

you phone your manager

and you say,

that's incredible

and he says,

oh by the way,

your mortgage

is gone as well.

It's zero.

He's cancelled

your debt.

I mean,

$20 million.

I would feel

pretty happy,

pretty free.

The chain on your,

the burden on your shoulders

is gone,

right?

Well,

that's what's happened

to this guy

and more.

And so,

he walks down the street

and he's dancing

and he's singing

and he sees this guy

who owes him $5,000

and he says,

Phoebe,

you owe me $5,000

and he goes up to her

and he says,

when are you going

to pay me?

Sorry,

Phoebe,

picked on you.

He sees his friend Bob,

right?

He says,

Bob,

when are you going

to pay me?

$5,000.

You owe me,

you said you're going

to pay me

and his friend comes

and says,

hey,

my wife's in hospital.

I've just had to pay.

I'm getting paid tomorrow.

I'll pay you this week.

And what does he do?

He says,

you lying scoundrel.

And he takes his Bob

and he throws him

on the floor

and he starts punching him

and kicking him

and drags him off

to the police station.

Well,

look at what Jesus says.

Jesus says,

the master,

in his anger,

the master who forgave

his debt,

will deliver such a man

to the torturers

until all his debt

is paid.

Why?

Because here's a man

that's received radical,

radical mercy

and that radical mercy

he's received

is disconnected

from the rest of his life

and he does not know

how to extend

even a fraction

of that mercy

to others.

Friends,

you see what Jesus

is saying here?

Jesus is saying that

if you're a follower of Jesus,

we were like the servant.

We were in the deepest

debt possible.

And like the servant,

we couldn't even come close

to paying off our debt.

And so like the servant,

the only thing

that we could do

was to get on our knees

before our father

and say,

Lord,

have mercy.

Lord,

have mercy.

Friends,

Jesus says that

if you're a Christian

this morning,

you're not a Christian

because of anything

you did to repay your debt.

no human being

could pay back

the debt that they owed.

No human being

could merit

or earn God's grace.

The only way

that you become a Christian

is to cling

onto that old

rugged cross

and say,

God,

have mercy.

The only chance

we have

is to plead

for the undeserved

mercy of Jesus.

Miroslav Wolf

says this,

forgiveness flounders

when we not only

exclude those

that have hurt us

from the community

of humanity,

but we exclude

ourselves

from the community

of sinners.

That's a profound thought.

Forgiveness fails

when we look at others

and we say,

there's something

less than human about you.

There's something

different about you.

But we also look

at ourselves

and we say,

there's something

different about me.

All those suckers

out there are sinners

but there's something

different about me.

And so C.S. Lewis

famously said,

to be a Christian

means to forgive

the inexcusable

because in Christ

God forgave

the inexcusable

in me.

Friends,

you know that

that's true for me,

your pastor.

I am infinitely worse

than you can imagine.

Some of you know

a lot of bad stuff

about me.

You don't even know

the beginning of it.

Jesus Christ

forgave

the inexcusable

crap in my life

and therefore

Jesus says,

Kevin,

can you extend

a little bit of mercy

to those that

have let you down?

In Romans 2,

Romans 2:4

verse 4,

there's this

incredible verse.

It's kind of like

a bedrock verse

for our church.

He says this,

don't you know

that the kindness

of God

is meant to lead us

to repentance?

That's a foundational

verse for our church.

Friends,

Christians are those

who live lives

of confession

and repentance

daily.

Why?

Not because of

God's severity.

It's not God's harshness

that leads me

to repentance.

It's not God's

severity

that causes me

to fall on my knees.

It's His kindness.

It's His compassion.

It's His tenderheartedness.

When I see

how God has treated

a rebel like me,

it causes me

to get on my knees

and say,

oh God,

I'm so grateful.

Come and change me.

But do you see

what Jesus is saying

in this story?

The kindness of God

not only leads us

to repentance,

it also leads us

to forgiveness.

To forgive somebody

is to give them

what they do not deserve.

To give undeserved mercy

in response

to the undeserved harm

that they've caused us.

And that means

that forgiveness

is always extremely costly.

It costs you

your right to be angry.

It costs you

your right

to vindication.

It costs you

your right

to a reputation

in the community.

It costs you

your right

to feel like a victim.

To forgive somebody

is always extremely costly.

And yet,

for those who are in Christ

who have experienced

the kindness of Jesus,

it's no cost at all.

And the reason is

because Jesus

has not only forgiven

our debt,

He's given us Himself.

Friends,

if Jesus has given you

a new name

and a new identity

and a name

that's welcome

into His family

and a purpose

and a hope

and a future

and a new track record,

if Jesus has given you

Himself,

what are you and I

looking to that person

that is so hard

to forgive

to give us

that Jesus Himself

has not really given us?

And so in Ephesians 4,

the Apostle Paul says,

he writes to these

young Christians

and he says,

put away all bitterness.

Put away anger.

Put away the malice.

Be kind to one another.

Tenderhearted.

Forgive one another

just as God in Christ

has forgiven you.

Friends,

when we are unaware

or we forget

our profound,

daily,

ongoing need

for forgiveness,

we lose not only

the pattern

but also the power

to forgive those

that hurt us.

Jesus' forgiveness of us

is not only the pattern,

it's not only the law,

it's also the power,

the motivation

to forgive those

that have hurt us.

In Jesus Christ

and His grace,

we know that we have

all that we need,

undeservedly so.

And so we can release those

that have undeservedly

hurt us

or taken from us.

And so friends,

if you're a Christian

this morning

and you feel

the deep pain

of being wronged

or being hurt,

can I ask you,

can I urge you

to come to Jesus?

I can't heal that pain.

I can't repay back

what has been taken

from you.

But Jesus Christ can.

And He'll give you

more than what's been

taken from you.

Friends,

can I urge you

to come to Him

this morning?

Come in your pain,

come in your tears,

come in your agony,

and ask Christ

to wash you

with His grace.

Friends,

in the church

we have both sinners

and saints

and sufferers.

Not only across

the church family

but within each one of us.

And that means

that we shouldn't be

surprised or shocked

when things don't go

perfectly well

in the church.

And yet at the same time

because we're meant

to be a taste of heaven,

we shouldn't be okay

with it.

We should mourn it

and grieve it.

And so how do we

handle it

when someone wrongs us?

How do we handle

conflict in church?

Well, we graciously

and humbly

move towards that person.

And we say,

I want to restore

the relationship.

Can we talk about it?

But we don't just

go towards them

to do that.

We also go towards them

with unfathomable grace

because of the grace

that we've received

in Christ Jesus.

Friends,

I'd love to pray

for us this morning

but Natalie,

do you want to come

and lead us

in song?

We're going to pray

in a few minutes time

but before we do that

I want to just take a,

give us a minute or two

just to reflect

and just to sit quietly

and just to think.

And maybe as we do that

maybe I can actually

just pray

and ask God the Holy Spirit

to speak to us.

friends,

what has God

been saying to you

this morning?

If you're a human being

the chances are

somebody's hurt you

or let you down.

If you've lived

for more than five years

in this world,

more than five minutes,

somebody's caused

some offense,

somebody's treated

you unfairly.

Friends,

I really am convinced

that God wants

to heal some of us

this morning.

He wants us

to set us free.

He wants us

to demonstrate

the undeserved kindness

that maybe those people

don't deserve

but He wants us

to

be free

and to receive

His grace

so that we can

extend grace.

And so God,

the Holy Spirit,

I ask you God,

won't you come

and speak to us?

Won't you come

and heal us?

Won't you come

and minister to us?

I pray.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

In Psalm 139, the psalmist writes,

Search me, O God.

Know my heart.

Try me and know my thoughts.

See if there's any grievous way in me.

Lead me in the way of the everlasting life.

Father, we make that our prayer today.

God, come and lead us in the way of everlasting life.

Come and set us free, God.

Amen.

Jesus, we confess that we need you this morning.

We need you because we need your grace.

But we also need you, God, to give us the ability to give grace to others.

Amen.

Amen.

In Luke chapter 4, Jesus starts his ministry, and he quotes from Isaiah 61.

Luke 4 · chapter mention

He says,

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to proclaim good news.

He sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives, to set free those that are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.

Father, Jesus, won't you come and set us free?

Won't you come and minister to our hearts?

Father, we confess it's so hard to sometimes let go of pain in the past.

It's so hard, God, to forgive those that have hurt us or wronged us.

Jesus, we pray that as the gospel gets into our heart and as we reflect on the amazing and good news of the gospel,

that you also change us and help us and heal us and help us to be gracious to those around you.

Jesus, come and have your way, we pray.

Amen.