How the Gospel Changes Our Homes

Good morning, Watermark. The scripture reading today comes from Ephesians chapters 5 and 6.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Starting in chapter 5, verse 21, we read,

Submit to one another out of reference for Christ.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church,

his body, and is himself its saviour.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,

that she might be holy and without blemish.

In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,

just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,

and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself,

and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Honor your father and mother.

This is the first commandment with a promise,

that it might go well with you, and that you may live long in the land.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger,

but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Bondservants, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling,

with a sincere heart as you would Christ,

not by the way of eye service, as people pleasers,

but as bondservants of Christ.

Doing the will of God from the heart,

rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man,

knowing that whatever good anyone does,

this he will receive back from the Lord,

whether he is a bondservant or is free.

Masters, do the same to them,

and stop your threatening,

knowing that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven,

and that there is no partiality with him.

This is the word of God.

Great. Thank you, Iris.

Well, let's pray together as we come to this passage.

Heavenly Father, Lord Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit,

we, as we say each week, we come to encounter your grace.

God, in a world that is so starved of grace,

God, in a world that is dog-eat-dog,

and everyone's fighting for their own rights and positions and privileges,

God, we come to you this morning to receive what only you can give us,

grace for our weary hearts.

And Father, as we look at this passage, this challenging passage,

we pray that you will speak to us.

We pray that you will make clear to us your heart.

You'll both call us and flood our hearts with your goodness and your grace.

And so, Jesus, come and have your way, we pray.

Spirit of God, come and help me to make clear this passage,

but help us to see your word and to encounter you in your word.

We pray this in your wonderful name.

Amen.

Well, we're continuing our study in the book of Ephesians.

And the book of Ephesians is really all about the church

and God's cosmic plan for the church.

And the first couple of chapters, especially chapters 1 to 3,

kind of look at this idea from heaven's perspective.

It's kind of like you sit it up in heaven, see it in heaven,

and you look at God's plan for the church from the perspective of heaven.

And then the second half of the book looks at the same theme,

the church and God's plan for the church, from a very earthly perspective.

And it kind of talks about our relationships and forgiving one another

and be humble towards one another.

And it kind of looks at the church from this very earthly perspective.

Well, today we come to this very famous and somewhat controversial passage of Scripture

because it starts off with these sensational words, right?

Wives, submit to your husbands.

I mean, is there anything more controversial than that?

You may be here this morning and you're exploring Christianity

or trying to make sense of the Bible and the Christian faith.

And just by hearing the first few words of our passage,

you may start to be second-guessing your exploration already,

thinking, what on earth have I done?

The Christian church has enough problems of its making, as it is, right?

We've got sex abuse scandals, financial abuse scandals,

church leaders saying one thing and doing another thing,

the hypocrisy and duplicity.

The church has got enough problems of its own making.

And here in black and white, in the words of Scripture,

we have these words that seem so out of date, so anachronistic,

so from another world, oppressive and unjust.

And what are we meant to make of these words in Scripture?

Well, let me offer a couple of ways that we can think about it.

The first way we could think about it is to say,

listen, clearly the Bible in general and the Apostle Paul specifically

is chauvinistic, misogynistic, has a terrible view of women,

and we should just completely disregard it.

I mean, nobody should even take this stuff seriously.

Could be one way of thinking about it.

We could be slightly more charitable and think,

well, listen, Paul's obviously writing in a cultural context,

a time in history.

We know that the Roman-Greco world, the Jewish world,

had a pretty low view of women and slaves and children in general.

Right?

Every Jewish man would wake up in the morning and pray and say,

God, I thank you, God of heaven, you've not made me a woman,

a Gentile or a slave.

So we know that that was the culture of the time.

And so maybe what Paul is writing is true and applicable in some ways in his culture,

but he's letting his culture influence his writings and his biases.

And so maybe if you want to be very charitable,

it was kind of true for them, but it's certainly not true for us.

In the words of Oprah Winfrey, it was his version of truth, not our truth.

Okay?

One way.

But I want to suggest another way to look at it.

And it's actually the way that Christians have kind of read their Bible for the last 2,000 years.

And that is to say that somehow, in a mysterious way,

behind the words of the Apostle Paul here,

with his culture and his personality and his own context,

somehow is the hand of the risen God,

such that what we have before us is not merely the words of Paul,

it is the words of Paul,

but somehow, in a mysterious way,

we have the words of God to us

through the writings of this man called Paul.

And if we were to approach the Bible in that way,

I think we would find two things.

We would find that these words are

probably deeply challenging,

but also, in some strange way,

good and beneficial.

And the reason I say that is because

that shouldn't surprise us,

because when you hear the words of God,

who is so different from us,

and so distinctive from us,

we shouldn't be surprised that his words aren't challenging to us.

Because if you come to a God who is so different from us,

and who has eternal perspective,

and knows the beginning from the end,

and sees things so differently from us,

we shouldn't be surprised

that his views confront and challenge our worldview.

You know, if you serve a God

who only ever agrees with you,

and whose worldview is exactly the same as yours,

chances are we're serving a God of our own making,

a God that we've made up in our own mind,

because he just agrees with us.

But if we were to come to a God

who is real and true,

who is different and distinctive from us,

we shouldn't be surprised that his words sometimes challenge our worldview

and our thinking.

But at the same time,

we should also expect

that somehow,

what he has to say is good,

and that his words don't cramp our lives,

but they actually expand our lives.

They're not here to restrict us,

they're here to liberate us.

And the reason we should expect that

is because Jesus didn't come just to start a new religion.

Jesus came to give hope to the weary and the frustrated.

Jesus came to a world that is starved of grace,

and starved of life,

and starved of hope.

And he said,

I've come to give hope and life and grace

to people that are starved of it.

And so somehow,

if these words really are from God,

we should expect they should both challenge us,

but also in some ways,

liberate us.

Okay.

So with that introduction,

let's think about this passage together.

And I hope you've got your Bible in front of you.

If you've got a Bible,

make sure you open up.

We're going to be looking at a lot of the scriptures

on your phone or on the bulletin.

So how should we think about this passage today?

Well,

clearly this passage is made up of

three sets of relationships.

In chapter 5,

verse 21,

or 22 to 33,

Paul speaks to husbands and wives.

In chapter 6,

verse 1 to 4,

he talks to parents and children.

And in chapter 6,

verse 5 to 9,

he talks to employers and employees.

So three sets of relationships.

But they're not just three sets of relationships.

Anyone will notice straight away.

They're three sets of relationships

that have an inherent power imbalance.

Right?

In each one of these relationships,

there's one party that inherently,

by the culture of the day

and the way they're set up,

has more power,

more authority,

is in a position of privilege,

you could say.

So there's an inherent power imbalance

in these relationships.

Now,

you may think that the third pair

is different from the first two.

The first two are clearly in the home,

husbands and wives,

parents and children.

But the third pair

is actually meant for the home as well.

In the ancient world,

in Roman times,

much like actually many homes

in Hong Kong today,

homes,

households,

consisted of husbands and wives,

parents and children.

In fact,

often three or four generations

of parents and children.

But also,

servants,

masters,

traders,

those that worked in the home,

all of them would live

within the household.

And so what we have here

is three sets of relationships

in the household

and Paul's wanting to write to us

to show us

how the gospel of grace

affects relationships

when there's a power imbalance

and particularly

the relationships in the household.

Okay?

So that's what's going on here.

So Paul wants us

to read these three sections together

even though the first section

is the most controversial

and gets the most attention.

Paul's designed them

that they have a symbiotic relationship

or there's a correlation

with all three

and he wants us

to read them together.

And so how should we think

about these relationships?

And today we're going to see

four things.

Okay?

So the first one is this.

God's ordered design

for these relationships.

God's ordered design.

We live in a world

which is both longing

for good leadership

and yet at the same time

is so skeptical about it.

If you think of every sphere

of society,

public and private,

companies,

in government,

in homes,

in churches,

civil society,

we long for good leadership.

Our kids have just gone

to a new school

in August this year.

A school which apparently

four or five,

six years ago

had a lot of strife,

a lot of fighting,

a lot of disunity,

PTA,

owners,

staff,

a lot of disunity

in the school.

And a new headmaster

came in four years ago

and the school

is a radically

different place.

It's a place of joy.

It's a place that staff

love to teach.

There's such unity.

The benefits

of good leadership.

We all long

for good leadership

and yet

we all seem

to be skeptical

about it

because

I think it's safe

to say

all of us

have seen

and experienced

the opposite.

Bad leadership.

Leadership that uses

and abuses

those that they are

meant to be leading.

Now as I said

a few minutes ago,

these passages

are meant to be read

together

and obviously

the first section

gets the most attention

because it's the most contentions.

But the point here

is that leadership

is part of God's

good design

for the world

and specifically

for the household.

Now it's important

to note

that what scripture

is not saying

is that there's

an inherent

difference in value

or dignity

or worth

of the different

members of the household.

Clearly Paul

is not saying

that men

are more valuable

than women.

Fathers are more valuable

than children.

Masters

have an inherent

worth

that is greater

than those

that work in their home.

Throughout

Ephesians

and the New Testament

Paul and Jesus

made clear

that that's not

what he's saying.

Remember how

in chapter 2

we looked at

Ephesians

where

there's this

animosity

between the Jews

and the Gentiles.

Remember how

if you're a Jewish family

your son brings home

a Gentile

girlfriend

and says

mom and dad

we're going to get married.

You don't throw

a wedding feast

you throw a funeral.

Right?

Because in the culture

of the first century

your son was dead to you.

That was the tension

between Jews

and Gentiles

and what does

Paul write

in chapter 2?

Jesus has made

both Jews

and Gentiles

one

breaking down

in his flesh

the dividing wall

of hostility.

Or in Galatians

Galatians 3 · chapter mention

chapter 3

Paul writes

and says

now in Christ

there is neither

Jew nor Gentile

slave or free

male or female

for you are all

one in Christ Jesus.

And think of how

Jesus treats children

in his day.

In a time

when everyone

wanted to push

children aside

and have no

social capital

Jesus says

bring the children

to me.

Well think about

how the fact that

Jesus' ministry

in many ways

was built

by women.

Women were the

first eyewitnesses

to his resurrection.

The first witnesses

to the fact that

Christ had risen

from the dead.

The women

were many of the ones

that funded

Jesus' ministry.

And in the first

century

women flocked

to Christ

and to the gospel.

The churches

were full of women

much like they are

today.

And so it's

almost impossible

to think that

Paul and Jesus

in the New Testament

is somehow saying

there's an inherent

value or dignity

or worth

difference

between these

relationships.

What God

is saying here

what Paul is saying

is that he's

established

an ordered

design

that like the

body that is

different parts

and different

members

and different

roles.

Part of his

design involves

the elements

of leadership

and followership.

And so look

what he says here.

Wives respect

and follow

your husband's

leadership

in the home.

Children obey

and respect

your parents'

authority.

Employees respect

and obey

your employer's

leadership

and authority.

And all three

of these relationships

he says do this

for this is the

reason.

Verse 23

he says

in the first

instance

this is how

God has

arranged the

home.

In the second

instance

6 verse 1

he says

simply this

is right.

And in 6

verse 8

he says

do this

knowing that

whatever good

anyone does

he will receive

back from the

Lord.

And so Paul

says here

in the home

God has

established

this design.

He's created

a design order

and part

of that

design order

there's an

element of

leadership.

And he

says for

flourishing

homes follow

the maker's

design.

Okay.

God's ordered

design for the

world.

Now the

problem is

the problem

is not

the design

the problem

is the way

that that

design is

worked out.

Right.

And so

I'm sure

almost all

of us here

could say

that the

problem is

that design

seldom reflects

our reality.

How many

of us could

say that we

grew up in

homes where

we experienced

this servant

hearted

leadership.

Right.

We're humble

servant hearted

leaders not

domineering not

angry and

frustrated no

harsh words

spoken no

moody husbands

or grumpy

fathers.

Right.

Just humble

servant hearted

leaders.

Anyone.

Wonderful if

you did.

You see the

problem is not

God's design.

It's the way

that the

design is

worked out

in reality.

And so

generally what

is our

experience?

Well our

experience is

something of

the opposite.

Our experience

is those in

positions of

power, those

in positions of

leadership using

their leadership

for their own

advantage to

serve themselves.

Don't raise

your hand,

okay, but just

in your heart

you can raise

your hand.

How many of

us have heard

words something

like this from

a father or a

husband or a

parent?

Can't I get a

little peace and

quiet around this

place?

Or after all

that I do for

you I think I

deserve a little

more respect in

this house.

Okay, don't

smile or nudge

your husbands or

anything.

You see generally

speaking the

problem is that

our hearts are

turned in on

ourselves.

And so we are

self-seeking.

Augustine said the

problem with

humanity is that

sin has caused

our hearts to

turn in on

ourselves and

so we become

self-serving,

self-seeking.

And so the

operating system

of our heart

has got a

virus in it

and that is

out of order

now.

And so what

that means is

that humanity

as a result of

fall and sin,

humanity is a

way of taking

God's ordered

desire and

turning on its

head so that

now we want to

serve ourselves

rather than

others.

We want to

seek our own

welfare rather than

the welfare of

others.

We become

self-serving

rather than

others-serving.

And so the

book of James,

James writes

and he says

this, he says

we are lured

and enticed

by our own

desires that

grow and

develop into

sin and

when sin

grows and

develops it

leads into

death and

destruction.

And we see

that, right?

Death and

destruction of

relationships,

death and

destruction of

peace in the

home,

death and

destruction of

joy,

of hope,

grace,

of dignity,

of security,

of flourishing,

of radiance.

God has

designed that

humanity, we

serve one

another, we

love one

another, we

use our

positions and

the gifts that

God has given

for the welfare

of one another,

but rather we

are takers rather

than givers.

And we tend to

use and abuse

one another.

And so just

look at our

passage here.

Look at how he

says, maybe start

at the bottom,

6 verse 9,

let's see how

sin works its

way out.

6 verse 9,

what is the

temptation that

employers have

towards those in

their employment?

Threatening,

demanding,

intimidating.

Historians tell

us that in the

Roman-Greican

world,

masters would

use three

strategies to

get what they

wanted from

their employees.

They would

threaten them to

beat them,

they would

threaten them with

sexual abuse,

or thirdly,

they would

threaten to

sell one

member of

the family to

another family

on the other

side of the

Roman Empire to

split up the

families.

So I'm a

master, you're

my servant,

you're not doing

what I want,

I'll threaten

you, I'll

sexually abuse

you, I'll

sell your

children to

slavery.

What does

Paul say?

That's not the

way that the

gospel operates.

Look at 6

verse 4,

how does sin

operate in

families with

parents and

fathers, getting

angry, provoking

children to

anger?

And how does it

affect marriage

spouses looking

after themselves,

seeking their own

interests, thinking

about what is good

for them.

And so rather than

God's ordered

design, what we

have is humanity's

disordered world.

Friends, is there

anybody here that

has not seen and

experienced the

brokenness and the

depravity of sin in

our lives and in our

homes and our

marriages and our

families and our

parents and our

relationships?

relationships?

And so the

question is this,

how should members

of the household

relate to one

another?

On the one hand,

we have God's

design, God's

order, but we

also see how sin

has corrupted this

order so that it's

twisted on its head.

And so is there a

way for us to

somehow come back to

God's ordered

design that will

get the intended

results that God

planned?

Is there a way for

us to go back to

God's design without

resorting to using and

abusing each other,

domineering, provoking

and intimidating?

Well, the answer

that Ephesians gives

us is this, seek God's

design with gospel

saturated humility.

Embrace God's good

order with gospel

saturated humility.

Let's see how that

plays out.

You see, Paul's not

saying, well, we know

that people have just

used their positions of

leadership, their own

advantage.

Let's just scrap the

system and start again.

Right?

That's not going to

work.

Let's just come up with

something altogether new.

He doesn't say that.

But he also doesn't say,

well, sorry ladies,

sorry children, sorry

servants, that's just the

way it is, just suck it

up.

Paul says, friends, you

see this, the Bible

neither advocates for

old-fashioned

traditionalism and

patriarchy, nor

neither does it argue

for liberal

egalitarianism.

The Bible says there's

a third way, which is

gospel-shaped humility

that seeks the interest

of the other person

rather than myself.

And what Paul says here

is he shows the only

way, the only way that

you can follow God's

design without using

and abusing people in

our lives and our

homes, the only way to

accomplish God's

intention is if the

gospel of grace and the

person of the Lord

Jesus Christ and the

majesty of the gospel

is deeply at work in

our hearts and in our

homes.

Paul says that if you

take your eyes off of

Christ and the gospel,

or worse still, if you

pay lip service to

Christ and the gospel,

but it's not deeply

shaping our hearts and

our lives, what will

happen is we'll take a

scripture like this and

we'll weaponize it against

those in our homes.

And friends, if we

forget Christ and the

gospel, a passage of

scripture like this can

become a weapon to use

against those to prop

yourself up.

But when the gospel

pierces our hearts, this

scripture is meant to be

a sword that will pierce

our own hearts and bring

us to our knees to say,

oh God, I need your

mercy to be such a

husband, such a father,

such a leader in my

home.

Does that make any

sense?

Okay.

So let's see how Paul

does this.

In this passage, Paul

addresses both parties in

the relationship.

And the first thing he

does is he calls for

volunteered followership.

Look at the way that

Paul speaks to the

parties in the

relationship that you

could say have no

power, no social

capital.

Look at how he speaks

to wives, children, and

employees.

And he calls them to

follow or to respect

the other member of the

relationship.

But he asks them to do

so not coercively, but

voluntarily.

Doing so out of

submission to Christ.

Look at what he says in

5 verse 22.

It says, wives, submit to

your own husbands as to

the Lord.

Look at 6 verse 1.

Children, obey your

parents in the Lord.

Look at 6 verse 5.

Bond servants, obey your

earthly masters as you

would Christ, 6 verse 6,

as bond servants of

Jesus Christ, verse 7, as

to the Lord and not to

men.

Paul's not saying, he

doesn't write to him, he

says, listen, men, I want

you to get your women,

children, and servants in

order, right?

That's not what he does.

We're going to see in a

minute what Paul does say

to the men, but what he

does say is he doesn't

give them any room to

control or manipulate

those in his home.

What Paul does is he does

something that is

culturally, extravagantly

out of order, completely

culturally inappropriate.

He writes to the ladies

and the children and the

servants in the church, and

he asks them to, of their

own self-will, to volunteer

their followership to the

leaders in their home.

Culturally, it is

completely inappropriate to

write to another man's

wife, another man's

children, or another man's

servants.

Peter O'Brien says this was

shockingly outrageous.

And yet, he writes them and

he doesn't instruct them or

tell them what to do.

Paul's not sending a

communique from head

office.

He's not throwing the

rule book at them.

He's appealing to their

own self-will to volunteer

their followership to their

husbands, fathers, and

masters.

Look at 6 verse 5 with me.

The bond servants, the

employees of the household,

were the people with the

least social capital in the

church.

They had almost no social

capital.

If there's one group of

people he could have

instructed and told them

what to do, this is

probably the one he could

have got away with.

And look at how he

writes there, how he

appeals to their hearts.

He says, obey your

earthly masters with a

sincere heart as you

would Christ, not by way

of eye service as people

pleases, as bond

servants of Christ, doing

the will of God from the

heart, rendering service

with a good will as to the

Lord and not to men.

Paul's not issuing a

directive or a command

here.

He's calling these people to

volunteer their followership.

In a way, Paul's actually

asking them to follow Christ

and out of their followership of

Christ to let that overflow in

their relationships in the home.

I remember when I was 23 years

old, I think Claire and I were

either engaged and married or had

just got married.

It was my first job out of

university, my first year of

working, and I was working for

somebody in our church.

We were both deacons in the

church.

I knew him pretty well.

We were kind of friends.

And he was my boss.

And, you know, that meant there

were certain liberties and

things I could get away with.

And I remember one morning I was

having my daily devotions before

work, and I read this passage in

1 Timothy chapter 6, and it

1 Timothy 6 · chapter mention

almost says the same thing.

It says, if you're working for a

believing boss, don't work less

hard, work doubly hard.

And I was so challenged and

convicted.

I went to work that day, and I

went to my boss, Jerome, and I

said, hey, Jerome, I've got a

confession.

I was reading my Bible this

morning, and I felt God speak to

me, and I haven't been working

for you as hard as I should have

been.

And I want to say I'm sorry, and I

want to change that, and I want to

put that right.

I want to be the very best employee

that you have in this company.

But do you see what happened

there?

It was God speaking to me, calling

to me to himself, and out of my

love for Christ, that actually

changed the way that I wanted to

relate to my boss.

It wasn't that Paul said, listen,

you're a Christian now, get your act

together.

It was God saying, work for me.

When you go into the office today, do

your work as if you're working for me.

What did that look like?

It meant that I wanted to work for my

boss doubly hard and twice as hard.

And that's what Paul is saying here.

He's saying, submit to Christ, that

your worship and your adoration of

Jesus play itself out in the

relationships that you have to your

husbands, your parents, and your

masters.

Okay?

Volunteer and fellowship.

Well, let's look at what Paul says to

the leaders, those that have social

capital.

Paul says that they, too, are not to

demand their rights, but to take up

their roles and responsibilities in

light of the gospel.

And so Paul calls those that are both

socially and legally who hold all the

cards, who have all the positions of

power and authority.

Paul asks them to do what with their

power and authority?

To lay it down in service to those that

they're called to lead.

Let's focus on husbands and wives

because it's the longest section in our

passage here.

So look at verses 25 to 33 with me.

It's a tricky passage to understand

because Paul kind of talks about

husbands and wives, and then he talks

about Christ and the church, and

sometimes he swaps in between mid

sentence.

You're kind of not sure.

Is he talking about husbands and

wives or is he talking about Christ and

the church?

But that's, of course, the point.

The point is husbands are meant to

love as Christ loves the church.

And so look at what he says here.

Husbands, love your wives.

Okay, that's pretty good.

Nothing controversial there.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ

loved the church and gave himself up for

her.

Well, how did Christ love the church?

What did that look like in practical

terms?

Friends, at Watermark, we talk about the

cross and the gospel a lot here.

And so it's easy to become very familiar

and blasé about Calvary.

How did Christ love the church?

Well, he allowed himself to be nailed to a

Roman cross.

You know, the Roman cross was the ultimate

act of brutality the world has ever known.

Within a few short years, the Romans outlawed

crucifixion because it was too inhumane to

subject any human being to it.

At the time of Jesus, it was reserved for

soldiers that had committed mutiny, slaves or

foreigners.

No Roman citizen would be subject to crucifixion.

And it wasn't only hanging on the cross, it was the

beatings and the floggings that went before it.

Josephus, a historian from the first century, said

that those that were crucified were subject to

such flogging and beating that their rib cages

were exposed.

Sometimes people's stomachs were ripped open so

that the entails would fall out before they even

got to the cross.

Jesus Christ loved the church by allowing himself

to be subject to the most brutal form of punishment

humanity has ever known.

And on the cross, that's from a human perspective and

from a divine perspective, Jesus Christ took upon himself

the full wrath of God for the punishment of the sins of

those who would entrust themselves to him.

Jesus Christ literally loved us to death.

And as the words of Sally Lloyd-Jones says, it wasn't the

nails that held him to the cross.

It was his love for you and for I.

And Paul writes to us and he says, husbands, love your wives as

Christ loved the church.

See what he's saying?

And so in addition to his profound love for us, why did he do

it?

Well, our text tells us.

Look at verse 26 with me.

Jesus went to the cross to take a broken, bruised humanity, his

bride, and what would he do with her?

That he might sanctify her.

That means purify her.

Make her beautiful and acceptable to God.

That he might cleanse her with washing of water and the word.

That means that he might flood her with the gospel that will so

change her that she will become changed.

Verse 27.

That he might present the church, his bride, to himself in splendor

or radiance without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she

might be holy and without blemish.

So here's Paul's argument.

Jesus takes a church, which is you and I, with all our sinfulness and our

wickedness and our depravity and our self-centeredness, and he does something on

the cross so that one day when we are in eternity, we will be glorious and beautiful and radiant and

sinless and perfect forever.

He takes what is once less than perfect, and because of his love for us, he perfects us and presents us as

glorious and radiant and beautiful.

Jesus Christ, the king of the universe, uses his position and his authority for the one that he loves.

In order to see her become the perfect picture of what she's designed to be, but how sin had ruined her.

And now Paul says, husbands, that is what you are called to do for your wives and your children and your families.

To lay down your life, to take any price, to bear any cost, to bear any suffering, to do what it takes,

that your family will be the absolute picture, will be all that they can be by my grace.

And so what does that mean?

It means that as husbands we say, I will give up my rights to serve my wife and my children, my family.

I will help them to become the very best, most Christ-like, most radiant, most secure, most appreciated,

most loved women and children that will one day stand before God radiant and holy and blessed

because of the way that I have loved them.

You see what Paul is saying?

It's a radical commitment.

And friends, here is the challenge the passage asks us.

Yes, husbands and wives, you're called to be the head of your family.

But it's the head of a family that walks the way of the cross, with our wives better off because of the way that we've loved them.

Our children more, better off because of the way that we've loved them.

Our wives more secure, more radiant, more joyful, more deeply flooded with the gospel because of our love for them.

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for them.

I'm not too sure what to do.

Amen.

I've got a couple of practical things to say, but maybe before we get there, can I just pray for us?

Amen.

Friends, this is not me.

I've tried to do so much repenting this week because this is not me and this is not my household.

Father God, we come before you this morning, God, because when we see the picture that you call us to,

God, we fall on our knees and say, God, have mercy on broken sinners like us.

God, we need you.

And Lord, I need you and the men and the women and the children and the people of the church.

We need you, God.

We need you to help us to love and serve like this.

God, we confess we don't have what it takes.

Oh, God, come and have your way.

Jesus, I pray, humble us, God.

Give us gospel-centered, Christ-centered humility that will change us and cause us, God, to love and serve one another like this.

Not demanding on our rights, not putting our interests first, but thinking how to serve and love those of our families and those around us.

God, I want to ask, won't you help us, the men of this church, and start with me to become more like you, Jesus.

To be more sacrificial, more loving, more selfless, and more servant-hearted, I pray.

Help us, oh God, that our homes and our families will look a little bit more like heaven because your gospel is changing our hearts.

God, come and do it, I pray.

In your gracious name, amen.

Okay, let me, sorry if this is a little bit all over the place.

Let me, let me give us a couple of practical things, okay?

What can we practically do?

Let me give us five practical things.

First thing is this.

For the men in Watermark, set the temperature, the spiritual temperature of your home.

Take the initiative to set the spiritual temperature of your home.

Men, can I ask you, who's setting the pattern of faith and confidence and trust in Christ?

Who's setting the pattern for devotions and loving God's Word?

Men, how are our children going to learn to read God's Word?

Who's showing them how to read God's Word and have a devotion in the morning?

Men, it's not all up to us.

Our wives are incredible and our children will learn so much from our wives.

But can we take the lead to set the initiative?

Men, who's modeling repentance and confession?

Are we the first to say sorry or are we going to wait for our wives to say sorry?

Let's model confession and repentance in the gospel, okay?

Secondly, men, can I urge us to pray for our wives and to pray with our wives?

Now, Claire's going to smile at this because I'm really bad at this.

Men, our wives long for their husbands to pray with them.

Most of them anyway.

And yet, as husbands, we find it so hard, right?

I know it's hard to open yourself up and to take the initiative.

Most wives wish their husbands would pray with them.

But they also don't want to beg their husbands to do it, right?

And so they might ask a few times and then they'll just give up.

Men, can we take the initiative to pray with our wives and to pray for our wives?

To maybe before you go to sleep say, hey, let's pray for our day tomorrow.

Or let's, can I pray for you before you go to bed?

And if you don't know what to pray for your wives, here's a couple of things to pray for, okay?

I've got 11 quick things.

Men, pray that God will be her deepest treasure.

Men, let's pray that God will give our wives faith and trust.

Let's pray that God will give our wives wisdom and strength for their calling.

That God will help her to love the church.

That God will give her great friends who will point her to Jesus.

Pray that God will help our wives hear his voice.

Pray that God will give her strength for her calling at her job.

Pray that she will know and treasure the gospel more and more.

Pray that she will be deeply secure in the love of Christ.

Pray that God will multiply our wives' influence and blessing.

Pray that she will abide in Christ and be full of the Spirit.

Okay, that's a good start.

You can find some more in addition to that, okay?

So let's pray for our wives and pray with our wives.

Here's the third thing practically to do.

Men, flee and fight sexual temptation with everything you've got, okay?

Sorry if I'm standing in the way here.

Friends, it's easy to make excuses, right?

It was just a look.

It was just a thought.

It didn't hurt anybody.

Nobody will know.

Friends, small compromises lead to big compromises.

And big compromises destroy families and they destroy our wives' confidence and joy and security.

Men, let's fight sexual temptation.

And let's get brothers around us that will know us and that we can be open to, that can be real with, that can ask us difficult questions.

Because there is no greater way to destroy our wives and our children than to give in to temptation like this.

And so let's fight it.

Marshall Siegel said this,

The best way for a man to protect his home around him is for him to guard his heart within him.

So let's do that.

Here's a fourth thing.

For the single men in the church, right?

Don't wait until you're a husband or a father to try and become this kind of man.

If you're a single guy, start to get the gospel deep in your heart.

Ask God to change you today.

Ask God to make you selfless and others seeking.

Ask God to so reorientate your heart that you can use whatever social capital you have to serve the interests of those around you.

Friends, one day God will hopefully call you to be a husband and a dad.

And so start today to become the man that can love your families like this.

And for the single ladies in our church, pray that God will give you a husband like this.

Pray that God will give you a husband that will love you like Christ loved the church.

Ladies, can I say, can you see why the Bible would strongly encourage us to marry somebody who knows Christ and is letting the gospel shape them?

Because it's really hard to be married to someone who wants to love like Jesus when they don't know Jesus.

And wants the gospel to be the standard for how they're going to love their families when they don't know the gospel.

And so wives, I've got, ladies, I've got two daughters.

I pray for my husband.

I pray for my children.

I'm so glad that that released some attention in the room.

I've been praying, Claire and I have been praying for our daughters' husbands since before they were born.

When they're in Claire's womb, we were praying, God, you know, won't you give them great men?

And so single ladies, I know it's hard.

And I know that if you choose to only marry a Christian man, it is going to be hard.

And I know you're making a sacrifice.

And I want to say that God is going to honor your sacrifice.

And God will look after you.

And our heart is for you.

And I know it's hard.

And we love you.

And we're praying for you.

And we're going to do everything we can to set you up with some great guys.

Okay, let me bring this to a close.

The final thing is this, an alternative community.

I'm going to wrap this up quickly.

Chapter 5, verse 22 can sound so offensive, right?

Wives, submit to your own husbands.

Oh my goodness, who is this guy that, who does he think that he is?

The basis for verse 22 is actually found in verse 21.

And the Greek grammar makes it very clear.

That 22 is actually a follow-on from the train of thought in verse 21.

What does verse 21 say?

Submit one to another out of reverence for Christ.

Now that, of course, Paul is not undermining everything he's saying.

He's not saying, okay, just, you know, there's no such thing as leadership.

He obviously has written for that.

Nobody logically thinks that, you know, parents submit to their children.

So the flow of thought is clear.

But in other words, what Paul is saying is that submission is not a weakness virtue.

It's not a female virtue.

It's not a children virtue.

Submission is a Christian virtue.

Because it's the way of Christ.

And it's the way of the cross.

And so it's the way of Christian households.

Of husbands and wives.

Parents and children.

Employers and employees.

As Christian households become an alternative community that lives in a different way from the world.

That shows the world a different way to live.

Which serves and surrenders to one another.

And submission to Christ.

Friends, the Bible begins and ends with two marriages.

The first marriage in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve.

We see the effects of sin.

Of selfishness.

And the utter destruction that it brings on the world.

But thankfully that's not the only marriage we see in the Bible.

The Bible ends with another marriage.

It's the marriage of Christ to his bride, the church.

And Jesus Christ, the true and better Adam.

The perfect Adam and the perfect husband.

Is coming back again.

To get for himself a bride.

Those that are in Christ.

And he will love us perfectly for all eternity.

And he will make us perfect.

And he will flood our hearts with his grace.

And he says that for those of us that are in Christ now.

We get a small measure of that grace.

That we can experience his love.

Whether you're a husband or wife.

A parent.

A child.

An employer.

An employee.

No matter who you are.

If you are in Christ.

You can experience his love.

In a way that will change you.

And cause you.

To love and serve others.

Like Christ has loved.

And served us.

And so friends.

If you're in Christ today.

Jesus Christ.

Set your hope on him.

He is your hope.

He is your help.

He is your security.

He is the one to look to.

And to hold on to.

Let his love today.

Melt our hearts.

Pierce our pride.

Bring us to our knees.

And help us to love others.

Like he has loved us.

Let's pray together.

Father.

Father.

We.

Don't know what to say.

God.

Your scriptures.

As we said.

Are so challenging.

And yet.

They are good.

They show us.

A different kind of way.

God.

I pray.

Won't you call us.

God.

To this.

Model.

Of love.

And relationships.

God.

May the.

The households.

And the homes.

Of watermark.

Reflect heaven.

Of.

Unparalleled.

And.

Out of this world.

Humility.

Service.

Sacrifice.

And love.

Lord Jesus.

I pray.

Give us courage.

To.

To become the men and women.

That you call us to be.

God.

For those of us.

That are men.

God.

Help us.

To lead.

So graciously.

So gently.

Not abdicating.

The roles.

You call us to.

But not using it.

To our own advantages.

God.

May we.

Lay down.

Our lives.

As Christ did for us.

God.

I pray.

Come and help us.

And father.

If there is anything.

That I have said today.

Which is not of your will.

Which is not of your scripture.

Which goes against your heart.

Lord.

I pray.

Let it fall in deaf ears.

Let it not take root in our hearts.

God.

We want your way.

And your will.

We pray this.

And your good.

In your gracious name.

Amen.

Amen.

Thank you.