What is Biblical Counselling?

All right. Okay, let's pray. Lord, we thank you for gathering us as your people, and we just ask

now that you would help us to be counselors, counselors to one another, to receive counseling

as well, that you would give us the humility to know how much we need it and give us the love to

give it. And so we pray that in Christ's name. Amen. So counseling and psychotherapy, everybody

in here will know, counseling and psychotherapy are far more popular than they've ever been.

So people are going for counseling, going for psychotherapy far more today in January 2025

than ever before in human history. And professional counseling is such a gift and a good quite often.

And so we need trained practitioners who are capable of evaluating and diagnosing and prescribing care

to the mental and corroborated physical problems that we have that lead to mental health issues

and behavioral issues, right? So these things are really good. We need this. Biblical counseling

is a discipline, is a practice that is in no way opposed to professional counseling or professional

psychotherapy, not at all. But biblical counseling is a Christian idea that really emphasizes the role

of counseling and discipleship. So it's just an aspect of our discipleship. And it's an aspect of

discipleship that's trying to hone in on the normalness of counseling in everyday ordinary life

amongst Christians that we already do. And so biblical counseling in its oldest form is just a more

concrete and more organized way of talking about a mom and her daughter's relationship,

a sister and a sister, a dad and a son, a friend and a friend, right? We all have relationships of

different kinds, siblings, family members, friendships, and we all do something like counseling with each

other. And so all we're talking about in this series is not, will you go and be a counselor? But

because you are one, are you doing it well? Are you doing it and bringing at times foolish

counsel, harmful counsel to people? So the Bible assumes that if you're a Christian, especially, but

humans, period, by way of our basic anthropology of what we are, we are counselors. We have to be,

right? We are giving counsel all the time. And so the question here is how are we doing with it?

And so one of the things to say is like evangelism, counseling needs to be deprofessionalized,

not exclusively deprofessionalized, but we need to acknowledge the normalness of it

in everyday life more and more. And we need to really focus on that. So in the first, in your handout,

the very first passage, Ephesians 4, 11 to 12, just to highlight this, so Christ gave

the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors, the teachers. So he lists these offices

that Jesus, these gifts that Jesus gives the church. So there are in the church, talked about

this with our cohort group last night, there are people who are particularly gifted by the Holy

Spirit to be evangelists and should be. And then in addition to that, what's the very next verse?

The very next verse says in verse 12 that he did that, he gives these gifts to equip everybody

to do it too. And so in the same way, the deprofessionalization of evangelism, there need

to be professional evangelists, career evangelists, so that they can help everybody evangelize.

There need to be professional counselors and professional biblical counselors so that they

can help everybody with counseling because we all have to do it and we all need to be doing

it in our daily lives. So Richard Baxter, he's a 17th century Puritan, English Puritan pastor,

very famous pastor in the 1600s. And he said, counseling is for resolving our doubts, for help

against our sins, for direction in our duties, and for an increase in the knowledge of saving grace.

So he said, counseling is just the normal kind of whoop and woof of everyday relationships between

Christians. It should be the norm for our Christian relationships. And so, you know, when somebody in

your life helps remind you that you are saved by grace, not your performance, that is Christian

counseling. When somebody in your life helps you move from doubt about the existence of God to a

measure of certainty, that is Christian counseling. When somebody in your life wants to help you work on

your anxiety through the lens of the gospel, that is biblical or Christian counseling. So that's the

kind of stuff we're talking about. So we'll get more specific than that, but another word to use in

the place of counseling is just pastoral care. That's been a more consistent word in our tradition

that we've used, pastoral care. So let me ask you, as we get started on this and look at it in some

detail, are we, are you, are we actively looking in love to care for the people in our lives that God has

given us? Are you, are we actively, consciously looking in love and humility to care for the people God has

put in our lives through counseling them? The tight-knit, close relationships, are they underdeveloped?

Have you really dove in on the relationships God has potentially given you that are tight and close-knit

between Christians to develop that relationship into what the Bible calls it to be, which is a

relationship of deep counseling with one another, walking with one another. So that, that's what

we're working on. Now, personal testimony story. When I finished seminary, I, maybe, maybe this will be

a surprise to you, but I, I was excited. I could get excited about theology. I could get excited about

biblical exegesis, drawing meaning out of passages. I could get excited about reading about Greco-Roman

contexts, and I could get excited about all these sorts of things. But then when I went to the first

ministerial job I had to do, I realized that about 70 percent was counseling. And I quickly realized

that I had no clue what to say to anybody about anything. I could talk to them about the Greco-Roman

context of Matthew, but I, I struggled to know what to say when things got hard and heavy.

And of course, that's still the case to some degree. We all have that, right, to some degree.

But I realized that my seminary experience did not prepare me for that side of ministry at all.

Not really. We had about a half semester on it. And that still happens to all of us. But that's what

we're trying to do is actually say that, who's had that experience, right, where you don't know what

to say, and you really struggle, and you feel like, man, I should be loving them a lot better in this,

and I don't know what to do. I'm timid. I'm afraid, right? And so that's what we're thinking about.

Another way to say it is what we're talking about in here is the slow, slow form of, of seeking deep

change in our lives. So this is not just something directed at other people, but biblical counseling

and thinking about it is a way to look at yourself and to evaluate yourself and to think about who you

are in the light of who God's made you to be. And so we're talking about the dynamics of change,

the dynamics of change, practicing the Christian life, dynamics of change. All of these things fit

together. So what is biblical counseling? Let's dive into it a little bit. David Powlison is one of the

kind of grandfathers of thinking about these things, and one of the ways he talks about it is he says to

really get into biblical counseling, you've got to start by thinking of who you will become one day.

So who will you become in the end? And he asked the question, what is our destination?

What is the destination of the self, the soul, the personality, who you one day will become? And one of

the ways he talks about that is to look at the Lord's prayer, and at the very end Jesus says,

he tells us to pray, Lord deliver us from evil. And that's the way about thinking about destination.

One day we will be delivered from all evil. That's who we're going to become, delivered from evil.

What does that look like? It means you will be first alive, not dead. You will be strong, not weak.

You will be physically exactly who you should be, whatever that means. That's hard to know.

You will be liberated from fear, right? Can you imagine? Liberated from all fearfulness.

Liberated from all sorrow. That's who you'll become one day. You will be joyful, happy, and good.

And I mean good, not in the sense of you'll be, you know, the goody two-shoes behavior police.

No, you'll be truly good, the way that the Old Testament talks about God, slow to anger,

abounding in love, right? Patient, kind, gentle, good. Exactly the way you should be.

And then David Palastro says, now, now you've got to ask, where am I today?

And how big is the gap? Right? So when you do an exercise like that, it can be incredibly discouraging.

One of the ways to think about it is, do you ever, he brings up this illustration, but he's,

do you ever find in any moment where you think, I'm happy right now?

Like, I'm having a good day, I'm happy, and your next instinct to say, wait a minute, like, what's wrong?

You know, you're immediately searching, there's got to be something wrong.

Like, there's got to be a problem I need to be worried about right now, right?

So I have a habit, I don't know about you, of thinking in the moments where I experience joy,

immediately searching for the thing I need to be worried about, right?

Can you imagine being beyond something like that? No fearfulness.

And we've got miles and miles to go, we've got a big road to traverse.

And that could be incredibly discouraging, but when it comes to biblical counseling,

the first bit of counseling we need is to say, when you take, when you do, this is,

one theologian I like calls this God's mathematics.

And if you take who you are today, sorry, who you will be,

and you subtract it by who you are today, what does that equal?

What is the gap?

You know, what is the equation come out to?

And you could say, a whole lot of behavior change, a whole lot of performance.

And the actual answer is that Jesus Christ's transformative glory is what it equals.

That's the gap.

The difference in who you are right now and who you will be one day is the difference.

The difference, where is it going to be made up?

It's going to be made up in Jesus Christ giving you his transformative glory.

Glorification.

It's God that's going to do it.

He's going to get you all the way there.

So you're not going to make it there.

By the time you die, you are not going to cross that desert that you have left across, right?

But Jesus will bring you all the way, right?

But until then, biblical counseling is trying to say,

how do we pursue holiness and happiness and help one another in that

until we arrive at the final destination?

Okay, so we're focused here on the estrangement, you might say,

between the future self and the current self.

There's an estrangement.

And we're thinking about that and reflecting on that.

But what biblical counseling does that's different is it says that's a collective work.

So we can think about that individually, but the Bible says, no, it's a we.

It's an us.

And so biblical counseling is saying that we are here to help each other do that

in tight, close-knit personal relationships.

Now, that doesn't mean that everybody in this room will be really sharing the depths of the soul

with everybody in this room, not at all.

But it does mean that within the Christian community, either within this local church community

or somebody else outside of it that you know that's a Christian,

we ought to have counseling relationships with other Christians,

where we're receiving and giving, receiving and giving.

Some of us have those pretty naturally inbuilt in our current relationships,

but sometimes the most important thing is friendship, friendship,

where we're receiving and giving these types of things.

So, Pallison quotes John Calvin about this,

and Calvin here talks about this gap between the future self and the current self.

And this is what he says,

No one has sufficient enough strength to press on with the due eagerness that is required.

And weakness so weighs us down that with wavering and limping and most of the time creeping along the ground,

we move at a very feeble rate of change.

No one shall set out so inauspiciously as not daily to make some headway,

though it be the tiniest, the slightest.

Then let us not despair at the slightness of success.

So he says,

It is the normal pattern of Christians, including John Calvin himself,

to do nothing more in this life than make the tiniest little creeps along the way of that change.

And he says,

But if there is any headway at all, let us not despair.

If there is the tiniest step that you've taken from being a person that struggles with rage

to being more slow to anger than you used to be,

he says,

The tiniest creep, let us not despair.

Jesus Christ's glory will cross the rest of the distance.

He will bring us the rest of the way.

And so, counseling is trying to help us in this life pursue as much of that creep,

that crawl, if you will, as we possibly can.

All right, so I'm just going to run through as much of this as we can,

fill our times up, and then we'll pick back up next week where I'll leave off.

So, foundations.

2 Peter 1.3 says,

This is the second text on your handout.

Here's some foundations for biblical counseling.

God's divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life.

Through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

Now, focus on that first few words.

His divine power has given us everything we need.

The gospel and the presence of the Holy Spirit,

the inscripturated revelation of God, the Bible,

read through the power of the Spirit,

has given us right now everything we need.

Everything we need to take this journey.

Everything we need to counsel one another.

Now, God's revelation, his divine power, where is that?

It's in any place where God reveals himself.

And so, we've got to say with that,

everything we need is broad

because his power, his revelation is broad.

So, that includes God's work of revealing his common grace gifts to people.

So, where can you find God's revelation of wisdom in this world?

Well, anywhere there's truth.

All truth is God's truth.

And so, by God's common grace,

sometimes you do go to a professional and they help you immensely.

And the reason that they are able to do that is because God has revealed himself.

That's what he's saying.

All divine power, all truth, all wisdom in this world comes from God's revelation.

Even if it's used by somebody who doesn't believe in God.

Common grace.

But especially here, he's saying by special grace, by scripture and by wisdom,

we have, by the presence of the Spirit,

everything we need to help each other along this path.

All the resources.

So, because God has spoken, we can do this.

By the power of looking at God's revelation, his word.

We can counsel.

We can learn how to do it.

We can help each other.

Really, deeply, deeply help each other.

So, Calvin says at the beginning of the Institutes,

to know God, you've got to know yourself.

And to know yourself, you've got to look at God.

And he says, you've got to live in that reciprocal loop.

Where if you really want to know who you are,

you've got to stare at what God says about himself.

And when that happens, you realize you're lack.

But then, to really know God, you've got to look at who you are and think,

I'm a creature, but God must be the creator.

I'm dependent.

God must be independent.

He talks about this reciprocal loop of doing theology.

By knowing yourself, then knowing God.

Knowing God, then in order to know yourself back and forth, back and forth.

And one of the things that biblical counseling does is says,

you've got to be willing to plumb the depths of your desires,

plumb the depths of the reality of what's going on in your soul.

Have you ever, I've mentioned it a couple times here,

but ever taken the exercise off of actually working out on paper your idols,

your specific idols, and listing them,

and asking the question underneath the question?

Like, if this is the thing I think I love,

is there something even underneath that that's driving me?

So this is what Calvin means.

That is biblical counseling.

It's the work of unpacking the depths of your consciousness,

unpacking the depths of your soul in order to grow.

And so here's a definition.

This is a simple definition that I like of biblical counseling.

It's simply this, it's discipleship toward who we are meant to be

that addresses specific issues we struggle with,

with an emphasis on Christian friendship.

So biblical counseling is just the path of discipleship,

focusing on the deep issues that we struggle with,

with a big emphasis on friendship with somebody,

walking through that together.

That's the idea.

All right, so I think that when you look at the Bible

and you see how the Bible addresses so many issues,

like in December we looked at anxiety,

we looked at sadness and loneliness, things like that,

you realize that what God is doing in His Word is telling us,

I expect that it's going to be normal that most of the time,

most of the counseling that happens in our lives

is just through normal relationships,

not through professionals.

So again, we need that quite often.

But the Bible itself even just gives you a book like Proverbs,

which is written mostly for parents of how to train up your kids.

And that's counseling.

That's wisdom.

That's imparting wisdom to people.

And so the Bible is bent this way.

Most counseling will not come from professionals,

99% of it in our normal lives.

Most of it will be just between one another,

between our friends.

So the next text, Proverbs 27, 17,

as iron sharpens iron,

so one person, one man, one woman sharpens the other.

So do you have a Proverbs 27, 17 relationship

where somebody in your life is closely walking with you

to sharpen you and to talk about your idols

and to talk about your struggles?

Do you have that relationship?

The Bible is very clear about that.

It's very clear about calling us

to this type of counseling relationship.

And so where are we getting this kind of stuff?

You know, obviously, the pastorate exists for that.

Absolutely.

But we also know that that's also never going to be

the main counseling relationship for 99% of people, right?

It can't be.

It's got to be far broader than that.

And so we get this in all sorts of relationships in our lives.

Okay, the last thing, and we'll move to this chart.

That's this.

While professional counseling, practices of psychotherapy,

behavioral analysis and treatment

can be really, really helpful for us,

one of the things to just say about this

is that the goal of biblical counseling

will always be different from contemporary psychotherapy

because the goal of biblical counseling is worship.

The goal of biblical counseling is to help one another worship.

So whereas contemporary counseling often focuses on you,

biblical counseling focuses on you,

but in order to get you out of yourself,

in order to bring you to a place of worship,

of getting out of your own head.

So self-forgetfulness is the big goal in Christian counseling,

biblical counseling.

That's always going to be distinct

from contemporary psychotherapy,

professional counseling in the contemporary world.

All right, so I just want to get right into it

and give you a quick paradigm for how to do it,

a way to think about it as we close today,

and then we'll get into more detail in a couple weeks,

more and more detail.

So, but I think I came across this article called,

it's in the footnote there in your handout,

The Connection Between Everyday Ministry and Counseling

by Todd Strive.

And it's a fantastic prime, quick entryway

into thinking about this and reflecting on these practices

and how simple they are.

But you can see this pyramid there.

The broad base of the pyramid is love and humility, right?

So he's reflecting there on the base posture

that we all need to seek as counselors of one another,

love and humility.

So you can go to a place like Philippians 2,

the hymn of Christ, where it says,

Christ came for us in humility,

the cross uttered humility,

and so put on humility.

Follow him in that, gospel-centered.

And love and humility become the base ethic

for all counseling.

So what is love?

Love, what is love?

Very difficult to define sometimes.

Love is a desire for another person's good.

That's basic love.

Love is just to desire another person's good.

What is humility?

Humility is the ability to forget yourself

so that you can desire another person's good.

Right, so another way,

there's a modern thinker, not a Christian,

but he has a conversational paradigm

that I think maps really well into biblical counseling,

and it's called VIEW.

It's V-I-E-W.

And VIEW is that in counseling,

you walk in, in Christian friendship,

you walk into the relationship with

V, vulnerability,

willingness to be known

because you're self-forgetful.

I, impartiality,

what's that?

That's the humility

to seek the best for the person

without any sense of favoring your position.

So impartiality says,

I will try to judge this situation

without any reference to my good.

Right, impartiality.

E, empathy or compassion.

I want to try to think about

what they're struggling with

through the lens of their perspective.

And W, wonder, curiosity.

I want to engage with them

by being as curious as possible,

which draws me to ask more and more questions

and really get into their life

and try to understand it better.

So that's one way.

I think that maps really well

to the basics of biblical counseling view,

entering every relationship

because of the gospel

with vulnerability, impartiality,

empathy, and wonder, curiosity.

Now, I'm not going to name names,

but I want to ask you

to think about this for a moment.

Can you name somebody in your mind,

not out loud right now,

that you think,

man, there is a person in my life

that models this

that is, without knowing it,

such a counselor

and puts on this Christian ethic so well

with vulnerability, empathy,

sorry, impartiality, empathy,

and wonder, curiosity

every time I talk to them.

Right, so I can think of two people

in our church community

that jump out to me

over the top good at this.

And what we're seeing here

in this pyramid scheme

is that that's because,

that will be because

they are humble.

That will be the primary reason.

They have put on the humility

of Jesus Christ,

will be the cause of that,

that they're actually

really deeply interested

in everything we say.

They want to know more.

They want to ask questions.

They want to be impartial

in their advice.

There's no hierarchy

in the conversation.

There's no sense of me

trying to make sure

you know that,

or any of us know

that I'm slightly better

than you at this,

or whatever, right?

That's a lack of impartiality.

That's a hierarchical position

in a conversation, right?

So this is the basic idea.

So, a couple,

two minutes left,

so let me just give you

the first couple.

Here's how simple

the Bible works this

into our lives.

We'll just do the ones

on the first page.

Seven biblical applications.

The way this works is

with the basis of gospel-centered

love and humility

being totally for other people,

that moves into the normal pattern

of your everyday life,

which is everyday ministry.

Everyday ministry.

Everybody's a minister.

Every conversation.

You're a minister.

You're on ministry.

In every conversation,

there's never time off of that.

Being a Christian,

putting on the love

and humility of Christ.

And then sometimes,

that develops.

You see that inverted pyramid

into counseling, right?

So, you take love and humility,

the view paradigm,

into every conversation,

but then,

in some of those conversations,

it will be counseling

when it becomes deep friendship,

when it becomes personal relationship.

That's the paradigm here.

So, James 1.19.

Here's one.

Be quick to listen,

slow to speak,

slow to become angry.

Okay, so how do you pull this

into everyday ministry?

How do you pull this

into counseling

in a specific relationship?

Be quick to listen,

slow to speak,

slow to become angry.

And I've put a little blank there

to just give a couple words

that you can kind of hold on to.

And the words for that one are

poise and patience.

So, a biblical counselor

is working on poise and patience

based on James 1.19.

What does that look like?

Poise.

It looks like this.

In a conversation,

my words are guarded and careful.

I have poise.

So, because of the gospel,

I want to make sure

that I'm intentional

with every word I speak.

That's poise.

I want to guard my words.

Love,

seeking that person's best

in front of me

means guarding what I say

and being careful,

thinking a certain way

of putting that

could be very discouraging.

Right?

That's poise.

One example of poise.

Another example of poise,

I'm guarded

against hasty conclusions,

against quick judgments.

So, I'm not walking

into this conversation

thinking,

I already know

what your problem is.

Right?

I want to actually

give them myself

and my time to listen.

That's poise.

That's James 119.

Poise and patience.

And so,

what would patience look like

in a counseling relationship

with a dear Christian friend?

It would look like

the work of responsive listening.

So, impartiality

includes responsive listening

where you're really

deeply listening

and maybe you're rehashing

what they said to you

in different words

to try to say,

okay,

am I understanding it clearly?

Responsive listening

probes with questions.

So,

one way you can

judge yourself,

you can evaluate yourself.

Judge not, right?

Evaluate yourself

on where you are

in a conversation

with love and humility

because of the gospel

is ask yourself,

do I tend

to ask other people

way more questions

than they ask me?

That's one of the things

I think you have to look for.

Are you a person

who is constantly

asking questions

of the person

across from you?

You know,

if you're doing that,

you're getting out of yourself

and active listening,

right?

Active listening.

You've got poise and patience.

All right,

I'll just do one more.

We'll leave the next five

for next time.

Ephesians 4.32.

All right,

so look how simple is that?

Be quick to listen.

Slow to anger.

Slow to become angry.

Just a listener.

That's a biblical counselor.

Responsive listening.

Secondly,

Ephesians 4.32,

be kind and compassionate

to one another.

So we don't have to come up

with any other words.

Kind and compassionate.

That's the next characteristic

of somebody putting on the gospel

and trying to be a counselor

to people.

So what does that look like?

It's a posture

that values the person

in front of you so much

because they are first

made in God's image.

So compassion and empathy

first are grounded

in the fact that

no matter what this person

has done or not done.

I know at least

they're made in God's image.

And so they've got value.

They've got value

no matter who they are,

no matter what they've done.

Right?

And then from there,

you can put away,

well,

it's just the I.

It's impartiality.

It's impartiality and empathy.

See,

impartiality is based

on compassion.

It's based on compassion.

It says,

I really do want

the best for them.

I really do,

I really do want

good for them.

That is Christ's compassion.

So when he looks over Jerusalem

and he weeps

in compassion for her,

it's because he wants her,

that great city,

to get the very best,

right,

which is himself.

And they've rejected that.

And so that's compassion.

So how does it,

what does that look like

in counseling?

One of the ways

that's pointed out

quite often

in biblical counseling

on this is that

kindness and compassion

is often expressed

in counseling situation

by trying to be

as aware as possible

of the extent

of somebody's pain.

So trying to be

very aware

and not dismissive

of the lack

of experience

you may have

in whatever this person

has been through

and trying to really connect

and think,

boy,

what kind of pain

must they be experiencing?

That's compassion.

It's saying,

I want to know something

of the depth of the pain

that they've walked through.

All right,

I want to permit me

to do one more

because I wanted

to get to this one

and we'll stop.

Truly.

1 Corinthians 9.22,

last one.

Paul says,

here's a flip in the script.

Be slow to speak,

quick to listen.

Be compassionate.

Third,

Paul says,

to the weak I became weak

to win the weak,

I've become all things

to all people

so that I might save some.

There's an important work

in Christian counseling

like in evangelism

of sacrifice

and accommodation.

Sacrifice and accommodation.

So this is,

boy,

this is humility

applied in your life.

Sacrifice and accommodation.

It says,

to help somebody else

flourish to the max,

maybe to get the gospel

to them in evangelism,

I want to accommodate

to where this person is.

I don't,

in other words,

I don't expect

non-Christians

to act like they're Christians.

I want to go

to where they are

and meet them

where they are.

Right?

That would be one way

in an evangelistic context.

In a counseling context,

well,

think about it.

You don't talk to a child

like they're an adult.

Right?

You've got,

we've got to accommodate

and sacrifice ourselves

and step towards the person

wherever they might be

so that they can come

as they are

and receive the word

of the Bible,

the counseling

that the Bible offers them.

Right?

So I heard from

one very wise person

last night

in my evangelism cohort

where they said

it's very important

in evangelism

to love people

exactly where they are,

not where you expect

them to be.

Right?

And so sometimes

accommodation

and counseling

means killing

your

cultural loves,

your cultural vibes.

You know,

the things that you really

expect to be the case

and want to be the case

and think only a decent person

would only do this.

You've got to kill that

actually

in order to meet them

where they are

to bring them

not into the culture

we expect to exist

but into the way

the Bible

wants them to walk.

Love and humility

based on Christ.

Right?

So love,

accommodation,

sacrifice has to be made.

Sacrifice.

All right.

We've got to kill

our expectations.

That's love and humility

for people.

All right.

Let me stop

and I'll pray.

Lord,

we just ask now

that as a community,

as a community,

you would give us,

you would give us

deeper love

for one another,

deeper love

because of the love

we've experienced

in the cross.

So,

I think tonight,

Lord,

our prayer is

would you help us

to meditate

on the cross

so that we can

then turn horizontally

and love one another,

really seek

each other's good

with deep humility.

humility.

So that's the prayer.

Make us into counselors.

We pray that in Jesus' name.

Amen.