Sex and the City

Well, if you are new to Watermark and you don't know me, my name's Kevin, I'm one of the leaders here.

And as you heard, we are doing this series called Living Distinctively.

Those of us that are Christians believe that Jesus, or Christianity is not just good advice, it's good news.

It's good news that actually changes us.

The gospel doesn't just save us to get to heaven one day, it creates a new kind of people.

And Christians are those who then live distinctively.

And specifically, we are looking at how the Christian faith reshapes and reframes three things that most Hong Kongers think are essential for a meaningful and satisfying life.

In Hong Kong, we generally believe that we treat things like money, sex, and power in a very consumeristic way.

And we believe that to have a meaningful and satisfied life, you need more of those things, right?

More money, more sex, and more power is going to make you a happy person.

Well, this morning we want to look at how, well, in this series we're looking at how Christian faith challenges that and reframes that.

And this morning we're going to look at the topic of sex.

How does Christian faith, and the gospel in particular, reframe and reshape the way we think about sex and intimacy and sexuality?

Now, before we dive in, Henry's going to come and read the scripture to us this morning.

But before we go there, I want to just say a couple of things.

The first thing to say is I know that this topic is one that for probably most of us in the room is one that is very difficult to talk about and very difficult to listen to in church.

And there's a couple of reasons for that.

One of the reasons is probably all of us here carry some level of shame or regret when it comes to sexuality and sex and intimacy.

None of us here are the standard of moral perfection.

Probably all of us here have some track record of regret and guilt and shame.

And so that alone just makes it difficult.

For some of us here, maybe we are right now feel enslaved to some kind of sexual addiction.

It could be pornography.

It could be visiting sex workers.

It could be some other kind of addiction.

And so in addition to the shame and the guilt, we feel trapped.

We feel enslaved.

We feel like there's no way out.

I don't know.

We can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

For some of us here, we may have been the victims of sexual abuse.

That could be physical and overt and direct in our face.

It could be subtle and suggested, but it's abuse nonetheless.

And abuse is always traumatic.

For some of us here, maybe we carry either the shame or the scars of betrayal, of unfaithfulness in a marriage.

And even if that was many years ago, and there's been reconciliation, and there's been forgiveness, and there's been healing, we still live with the scars and the shame and the memory.

And we'll live with that for all of our lives probably.

Friends, for some of us, maybe you've been hurt by the worst of Christian purity culture.

Churches typically have handled this really bad.

And so maybe you were told growing up, listen, if you're a good boy and a good girl, and you keep your pants up, one day God is going to bring you an amazing spouse, and you're going to have sexual utopia for the rest of your life.

And it doesn't quite work like that.

That's not how things work.

Or maybe you're told in the church, if you have sex outside of marriage, it's the unforgivable sin, and you're now broken goods.

The petal's being pulled off, and that's the way it is.

Sorry for you.

Friends, that's not necessarily true.

It's serious, but it's not unforgivable.

There's redemption.

There's healing.

You are not broken goods.

Or maybe you experience kind of a male chauvinism, where the women were just told, your job is not to make men stumble.

And your job is to please your husband so that they don't go off somewhere else.

And it's kind of this very chauvinistic misogynist in the church.

Friends, for lots of different reasons, this is an area.

Here's another reason.

Most marriages experience real difficulty in the area of sex and intimacy.

Most marriages.

And so for lots of different reasons, the chances are, most of us, this is a difficult topic.

And I just want to acknowledge that and say, we're going to try and deal with it, with grace.

We're not here to add shame.

We're here, we want to talk about it because we think God's got something to say.

And we trust that as we listen to Him, we'll experience the grace and the kindness and the freedom of God.

One other thing I want to say before we start is, or before we get to our scripture, we're going to look at the scripture today.

And the reason is because we believe that the scripture, God's word is good.

What it means to be the church is to be God's people.

And God's word, the Bible, is not just advice or moralism or the rules.

It is the living words of the true God.

Or it's the true words, the living God.

God's word comes to us to bring hope, to challenge us at times, but also to bring freedom.

To speak a better word than the word of our culture, the word of our shame, the word of our guilt.

To speak a better word.

And so we're going to look at the scriptures because God's word is good for us.

So, as Henry comes up, Henry, do you want to come and read?

We're going to look at 1 Corinthians chapter 6.

1 Corinthians 6 · chapter mention

As he does that, I want you to notice something about this passage.

There's lots of quotation marks.

And the way it works is those quotation marks aren't in the original Greek.

The English translators put them in.

But they're probably accurate.

They put them there to help us.

What's happening here, there's a conversation.

The Corinthians, either in a previous letter or this is their thinking,

they say some things in quotation mark and then Paul responds.

And so Paul says, you say this, but listen to my response.

And so this is a conversation between Paul and the Corinthians.

I say that just so you can understand a bit of what's going on.

So on that note, let's listen to the reading of God's word this morning.

So the passage that we're looking at is from 1 Corinthians 6, starting at verse 12.

Sometimes there are really surprising things in the Bible.

And we think, does the Bible really say that?

Well, let's listen to what God says, really says in his word this morning.

1 Corinthians 6, verse 12.

1 Corinthians 6:12

All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful.

All things are lawful for me, but I will not be enslaved by anything.

Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food.

And God will destroy both one and the other.

The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord and the Lord for the body.

And God raised the Lord and will also raise us up by his power.

Do you not know that your bodies are the members of Christ?

Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute?

Never.

Or do you know that he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her?

For it is written, the two will become one flesh.

But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.

Flee from sexual immorality.

Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God?

You are not your own, for you were bought with a price.

So glorify God in your body.

Now concerning the matters about which you wrote, it's good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.

But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.

For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.

Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer.

But then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

This is the Word of God.

Great, thank you Henry.

Okay, so let's dive in.

The big idea for today is this.

Christianity shows us that sex and intimacy are God's good gifts for relationship, not self-gratification,

to deepen and develop intimacy, not identity,

and to point us to Christ because sexual love is meant to reflect God's saving love.

Okay, so that's the big idea.

I know it's a long sentence.

Let me say it again.

Christianity shows us that sex and intimacy are God's good gifts given for relationship, not self-gratification,

given to develop and strengthen intimacy, not identity,

and to point us to Christ because sexual love is meant to reflect God's saving love.

And I've got four things to say along these lines, okay?

Let's dive into the first one.

Sex is about love, not freedom.

Okay, sounds very obvious.

Look at our passage here today.

I want you to notice a couple of things that the Corinthians were saying that reflect our own culture's view

towards sex and intimacy and sexuality.

The first thing that they say is,

sex is a private matter.

Sex is about my own freedom.

Who are you to tell me what to do?

They say here, look at the quotation marks,

all things are lawful for me.

Or as the NIV says,

I have the right to do anything I want.

That's what they're saying, right?

Listen, Paul, who are you?

Who is this Jesus fellow?

Who is the church to tell me what to do with my body?

I am free.

I can do whatever I want.

All things are lawful for me.

I have the right to do whatever I want.

And Paul says, if you approach sexuality like that,

you won't be free at all.

You'll become a slave.

You'll be a slave to your own desires.

Slave to your addictions.

Look at what he says.

All things are lawful for me.

You say, but I tell you, not all things are helpful.

You say, all things are lawful for me.

Yes, but don't be enslaved or dominated by anything.

In the ancient world, when Paul's writing this,

sex and intimacy largely had to do with,

yes, personal fulfillment and gratification,

but it actually had a lot to do with power

and the power structures of the day.

In the ancient world,

not anybody could just hook up with anybody.

Men were allowed to have sex with almost anybody they wanted,

but women who had far less social standing and power

had to be chaste and very conservative and dignified

and were expected to be virgins by the time they got married.

But men could sleep with almost anybody they wanted

as long as they were lower than them

on the social standing ladder.

So men could have sex with a servant, a slave, a concubine,

a poorer woman, even young boys.

No problem.

But for the women, they had to be very chaste.

In other words, in the ancient world,

sex was about personal fulfillment and pleasure,

but it was also an exercise of power.

The strong enforcing themselves,

gratifying themselves on the weak,

the powerful taking advantage of the powerless.

And so when the Corinthians say,

I have the right to do whatever I want,

what that means is I'm free.

I'm my own person.

Who are you to tell me what to do?

Until the gospel comes in, and the gospel says this,

sex is about love, not freedom,

because sex is not about using your power

to get your own way or personal fulfillment.

It's actually about becoming vulnerable

and mutually giving up power

in the service of one another.

It's not about using your power to gratify yourself.

It's actually about giving up your power mutually

and becoming vulnerable to serve each other,

just as Christ did for us.

Think about how Christ Jesus,

who had all the power in the universe,

gave up his power,

became vulnerable to serve his bride, the church.

Look at chapter seven.

Henry read it to us in verse four.

There's a lot here, so we won't go into all of it,

but verse four says,

the wife does not have authority over her own body,

but the husband does.

In the ancient world, every male reading that says,

yeah, we all know that.

So what?

What's the big deal?

Until the next line, Paul writes,

likewise, the husband does not have authority

over his own body, but the wife does.

What?

Wait.

In the ancient world,

nobody would have believed

such progressive nonsense, right?

Everybody knew the man has authority

over the wife's body and not the other way around.

But the gospel comes and shows another way.

Friends, the gospel shows and says,

sex is not about power,

about what you can get,

it's about what you can give.

Those that had discovered Christ

and Christ's approach to loving his bride

saw there's another way to approach this.

Now, in modern times,

we also view sex as personal freedom and pleasure,

not so much based on power and authority,

but based on individualism and autonomy.

So in our culture,

these days,

we believe that to be fully human,

to be a fully authentic person,

you must be free to express your individual desires,

however you want,

on your journey towards personal fulfillment.

But again,

the gospel comes and says,

sex is not about expressing individual autonomy

or fulfillment,

it's about giving up your autonomy.

It's about serving and vulnerability

and mutually serving one another,

just as Christ did the church.

Think about how Christ gave up his autonomy,

became a servant,

a man to serve his church,

his bride,

and so,

sex is not so much about freedom,

what can I do,

what can I not do,

gratifying myself,

it's about loving and giving up your rights

for the sake of the other.

In 1 John chapter 4,

1 John 4 · chapter mention

the apostle John writes and says,

this is how we know what love is.

This is the love of God made manifest,

that God sent his son into the world

to be an atoning sacrifice

that we might live for him.

This is love,

not demanding my rights

or my privileges,

but giving those up

for the sake of the other.

This is love,

not demanding my own gratification,

but serving.

Sex is about love,

not freedom.

In the 1990s,

there was a famous pop song called,

What's Love Got to Do With It?

Anybody remember that?

Okay?

Tina Turner,

I think it was.

That is the tagline

of our modern sexual ethic, right?

What's love got to do with it?

Prince Christianity says,

love has everything to do with it,

because sexual love

is meant to reflect

God's gracious,

generous,

saving love,

a giving of himself,

which means giving up power,

giving up individualism,

becoming vulnerable and naked,

not just physically,

but emotionally,

relationally,

letting the other in

and say,

this is who I am.

Giving up individualism

as you love and serve

the person you committed

to loving and serving,

whether for better or worse,

all the days of your life.

Okay?

I hope that makes sense.

Sex is for love,

not freedom.

For relationship,

not individualism.

Secondly,

sex is sacred,

not insignificant.

Look at the second thing

these Corinthians are saying.

I think this is verse 13.

They say,

listen,

food is for stomach

and the stomach is for food.

Okay?

In other words,

what they're saying is,

sex is really nothing,

it's just a natural biological impulse,

it's a natural desire.

There's food,

I've got a hungry stomach,

they go together.

I've got a body,

it desires sex,

they go together.

In other words,

just as food

and my stomach

is a natural appetite,

is what it means,

I've got to satisfy this appetite,

so I have a sexual appetite,

my body does that,

what's the big deal, right?

Like food and sleep

and any other natural appetite,

the way to handle

my sexual desires

is to feed them.

Food is for the stomach,

stomach is for the food,

certain body parts are for sex,

sex is for certain body parts,

what's the deal?

In other words,

sex is nothing.

Don't make it a big deal.

Friends, again,

does this not reflect

our modern culture?

As moderns,

we no longer think of sex

as a function of procreation

or having children

or an expression of commitment

is nothing more

than just a physical appetite,

something to satisfy

from time to time.

But look at what Paul does

in response to this.

Paul tells the Corinthians

that they've profoundly misunderstood

both the nature of sex

and also the human body

because sex is overwhelmingly sacred,

precious,

not insignificant.

Who you sleep with

is profoundly significant.

Look at how Paul says this.

He says,

the body is not meant

for sexual immorality

but for the Lord

and the Lord is for the body.

Friends, Christians understand

that as Christians,

our bodies are not just

a container

to hold our immaterial soul.

We are not just immaterial beings

that happen to have a body

that will one day

go to an immaterial world.

We are embodied beings

and our body is important.

Our body matters to God.

What we do with our body

shapes who we are

and it shapes our very self.

It is important to shape

the kind of people we become.

We are to worship God

and glorify God with our bodies.

Verse 14, Paul says,

God raised the Lord Jesus Christ

in a body

and will raise us

by power as well.

In other words,

Jesus Christ came to earth

in a physical body.

He died and rose again

in a physical body.

He will come back again

in a physical body

and we will be with him

in glory

in a renewed,

healed,

restored physical body.

Our physical bodies matter

and what we do with our bodies

and how we handle them

shapes us

and shapes our hearts

and matters to God as well.

Verse 15,

Do you not know

that your bodies

are members of Christ?

Or verse 19,

Do you not know

that your body

is a temple

of the Holy Spirit

with whom you have from God?

Think of what a temple is.

A temple is the place

where God's Spirit resides.

It's a holy place.

It's a sacred place.

And Paul says

that our physical bodies

and in this context

our sexuality

is a sacred and a place.

It's a place

where God's presence is.

Where God is with us.

What we do

with our bodies

matters.

It's profoundly significant.

He says,

You are not your own

or your body

is not your own

for you were bought

with a price.

So glorify God

with your body.

See the Corinthians

are saying

it doesn't really matter

it's just a physical desire

it's a natural impulse.

What really matters

is what's going on

in our hearts.

Do I love God

with my heart?

And Paul's saying

yes your heart matters

but so does your body.

Friends,

if you are a Christian

in other words

if you've come

to see yourself

as a sinner

that is saved

by grace alone

you've cried out to God

for his saving mercy

do you realize

that you are not your own?

You belong to Christ.

Christ is your Lord

and your master.

You belong to him.

Previously

your motivation

was what glorifies me?

what satisfies me?

What pleases me?

But a Christian

is someone who says

Christ you are my master

now

I live for what pleases you

what satisfies you

what glorifies you.

Friends,

if you are

not a Christian

this morning

well of course

you get to live

however you please

right?

You do you.

But I must warn you

there are two things

you must be aware of.

One

you doing you

will enslave you

forever.

It won't set you free.

You'll be a slave

to your desires

and a slave

to sin.

And two

you doing you

you will do that

in a Christless hell

for all eternity.

But friends

if you are

a follower of Jesus

if you are

a Christian

this morning

now you've come

to love God

with your heart

your soul

your mind

your strength

and your body.

Now in view

of God's profound mercy

we offer our body

to God

as a living sacrifice.

Friends look at verse 19

you are not your own

you are bought

to the price

so glorify God

not just in my heart

but with your body

as well.

Our culture

screams at us

a thousand times

a day

that our desires

are nothing but

just private

physical

natural desires.

Means for you

to express

your authentic selfhood.

And Jesus Christ

says nothing

could be further

from the truth.

Friends

isn't the long

long track record

of pain

and shame

and trauma

and embarrassment

and bitterness

and resentment

and loneliness

in our culture

attest me

to what Jesus

says is true

that sex

is profoundly

significant

profoundly precious.

Why does sexual

abuse pain us

so much

more than

physical abuse?

Because there's

something profoundly

significant

about it.

And so Paul

says in verse 18

here he says

every other sin

that a man

or a person

commits

is outside the body

but the sexually

immoral person

sins against

his own body.

When somebody

gets drunk

they don't become

one with a bottle

of alcohol.

When someone

cheats on their

tax return

there's not this

deep mingling

a oneness

a unity

with money.

But there's

something profoundly

significant

about intimacy

that God

has designed.

Lewis Smedes

wrote this

he says

there's more

to sex

than meets

the eye

or excites

the body.

There's no

such thing

as casual

sex.

No such thing

as no matter

how casual

people are

about it.

No one

can take

sex out

at night

and put

it away

until he

or she

wants to

play with

it again.

Nobody

can go

to bed

with someone

and leave

their soul

parked

outside.

your soul

is necessarily

intrinsically

involved.

And that's

Paul's point

here.

He says

sex is not

just body

on body

flesh

on flesh

skin

on skin

it's heart

on heart

it's soul

on soul

there's a deep

intermingling

and intertwining

the two

becoming one

as people

join themselves

together

in love.

Okay so

two things

sex is for love

not freedom

sex is significant

it's profound

it's not

insignificant

it's sacred.

Here's the third

thing

this is probably

the biggest

thing that speaks

against our

culture

sex is for

covenant

not consumerism

or another way

of saying that

sex is for

self-giving

not self-gratification.

In the

Corinthian church

what is happening

in the Corinthian church

rather than

letting the gospel

cause them

to live

distinctively

the Corinthians

were living

just like the

culture

they were an

echo of

their culture

and what

is happening

in the

culture

in the

culture

of the

ancient

Roman

and

Greek

world

prostitution

was just

a non-issue

there were

temple

prostitutes

many men

after dinner

party

they would

go down

to the

temple

and engage

in prostitution

it was not

a big deal

at all

everybody

was doing

it

and Paul

writes and says

you are becoming

just like your

culture

and so

the problem

was

that even

the

Corinthians

were viewing

sex

as a

consumer

product

to

consume

to satisfy

their own

desires

they were seeing

it as something

for my own

pleasure

my own

self-fulfillment

my own

gratification

but look at

what Paul

does here

he says

that sex

and intimacy

is given

to us

not for

self-consumption

not for

self-gratification

but as a way

as a means

of strengthening

the one

flesh

union

and intimacy

and relationship

that is

birthed

and started

when you

commit to

love each

other

for better

or worse

throughout

your life

look at

verse 18

he says

do you not

know that

one who is

joined to

a prostitute

becomes one

in body

with her

for it is

written

the two

will become

one flesh

so Paul

is quoting

Genesis 2

God's original

marriage mandate

and he says

the main

purpose

of sexual

intimacy

yes to have

children

and procreate

that's true

but also

to deepen

and intensify

the relationship

the oneness

the vulnerability

the relational

intimacy

that exists

within marriage

in this sense

the Bible

portrays

intimacy

as like

a covenant

renewal

celebration

okay

and I know

that that sounds

awfully boring

that's one way

to take all

the passion

out of it

okay

a covenant

renewal

celebration

but hear me

out here

okay

I know

that sounds

very

terrible

but

hear me

out

I hope

I'm not

going to

destroy

communion

for us

forever

but

most Sundays

as a church

we take

communion

okay

we take

the Lord's

Supper

what is

the Lord's

Supper

about

it's a

covenant

renewal

celebration

you come

to church

on a Sunday

and you feel

beaten up

you've had

a rough week

life has been

hard

parenting is

hard

marriage is

hard

work is

hard

or maybe

you feel

beaten up

by your

own sinful

nature

your own

sinful

desires

and you

come to

church

and your

shoulders

are drooping

and just

feel like

I've got

to grind

through

and you

come to

church

and you

take

communion

and the

communion

steward

looks you

in the eye

and says

this is

Christ's

body

broken for

you

this is

Christ's

blood

shed

for you

do this

in remembrance

of him

and as you

do that

you are

reminded

I am

welcome

and accepted

here by

grace

yes I feel

beat up

but Christ

is for me

Christ

is with me

I can go

into another

week with

Christ for

me

before me

behind me

above me

Christ is

with me

and you

leave this

place with

your shoulders

back feeling

like I know

it's a wild

world out there

but I am

in Christ

and Christ

is in me

this covenant

is renewed

right

it's a covenant

renewal

celebration

friends when a

couple make

love together

it's not just

about satisfaction

and desires

it's a way of

saying those

vows that we

made to each

other on our

wedding day

that all that I

am and all that I

have belongs to

you I'm giving

myself to you

those vows are

still true

and we may

have had a

rough week

maybe we

haven't seen

each other

much

maybe you've

been working

hard I've

been working

hard maybe

we haven't

actually connected

that well

but this

this is me

telling you

that all that I

am belongs to

you I give

myself to you

in vulnerability

in transparency

in nakedness

not just

physically

relationally

emotionally

all that I

am I'm

giving myself

to you

he says

it's meant to

be a covenant

renewing

celebration

it's not just

consumeristic

gratifying my

desires

and that's of

course the

problem with

pornography

right

our world

tells us

listen you

don't need the

messiness of a

real relationship

of actually getting

to know the

person

putting up with

their drama

yeah just

just satisfy

yourself

here's endless

pornography

here's a screen

here's some tools

just look after

yourself

and it's

removed the

very heart

of what intimacy

is all about

from covenant

and relationship

and love

to just a

consumeristic

tool

that I just

trade with

to please

myself

listen to how

Brian Chappelle

and Kevin DeYoung

described this

in one article

they wrote

today's sexual

culture

is just as

depersonalizing

and objectifying

as the ancient

world

in the ancient

world

there was usually

one party

the party

with power

using the other

party as an

object to

satisfy

typically his

physical needs

today the parties

are often both

using one another

treating the other

as an object

for meeting

one's needs

to be related

to only as long

as those needs

are being met

that's the message

of our culture

right

satisfy yourself

please yourself

and when you're

done

just dump the

person

dump the

relationship

move on

in the old

testament

you'll often

read

when it's

talking about

the act of

sex

it'll say

for instance

Genesis 2

Genesis 4

I think

Adam

knew his

wife

and she

conceived

and gave

birth

to a

son

the bible

uses the

word for

the act

of sex

as to

yada

as the

Hebrew word

to know

somebody

and the

reason the

biblical authors

did that

was not

because they

are shy

and don't

want to

use the

S word

it's because

they're trying

to tell us

something

this daughter

I hold

books at

home

on sex

my one

daughter

says

dad

there's

a lot

of books

with the

S word

all over

the house

right

okay

that's

not what

the biblical

authors are

trying to

avoid

they use

this word

yada

to know

to know

somebody

because that's

the heart

of what

intimacy

is about

it's about

saying

I'm gonna

let you

know me

I'm gonna

open myself

up and be

vulnerable

and I'm gonna

get to know

you

in the bible

that word

yada

is the word

that the bible

often uses

for God

to know

us

you have

searched me

and you know

me oh

God

Psalm 139

at the heart

of intimacy

is about

knowing

one another

being vulnerable

and real

now there's

two important

implications for

this okay

and those of you

that are single

listen up

the first is this

the narrative

that we hear

in our media

and our culture

is this

when you get

when you get

married

you're gonna have

the most amazing

passionate

wonderful sex

in the whole world

and then it just

all goes downhill

okay

this is for you

finance people

I know you like

graphs

and that kind of

stuff

our culture

tells us

it starts amazing

and then it's

just downhill

okay

that may be the

case

but that's not

God's design

that's not the

way it's meant

to be

that's how it is

when you think

of it as a

consumeristic way

but friends

for those who

are approaching

sex and intimacy

as a way of

getting to know

and love

and serve

the other person

deepening intimacy

and relationship

God's design

is actually

the opposite

when you first

get married

it's clunky

it's messy

nobody really

knows what

they're going

on

it's awkward

but God's design

is that as you

love each other

not just physically

but emotionally

your relation

as you open up

your heart

to each other

as you serve

each other

actually over the

years it gets

better and better

and all the

research actually

proves this

that those that

are on healthy

marriages

are actually

having the best

intimacy

10 and 20

years into marriage

way more than

the beginning

okay

and here's the

reason

because God's

purpose for sex

it's not about

positions and body

parts

it's about knowing

each other

it's about being

known

it's about being

safe even though

you are your

most vulnerable

because sex is

meant to reflect

but also strengthen

the complete

nakedness

emotionally

relationally

even more than

physically

here's the

second implication

don't believe

the lie that our

culture tells us

that says

you must

work out

with your

boyfriend or

girlfriend

whether you're

sexually compatible

before you get

married

and the reason is

because nobody is

sexually compatible

when you first

get married

you've got to

as you love

and serve each

other

as you open up

your lives

to each other

that's how you

grow more

compatible

that's how

actually intimacy

gets better

and better

as you lay

down your life

and your rights

and your expectations

and look to serve

and honor each other

just as Christ did

for us

so

sex is for

covenants

not consumerism

it's for self-giving

not self-gratification

friends

those of us

who are married

or those of us

that hope to get

married

one of the best

things that you

can do

apart from prayer

and possibly

repentance

is to ask

yourself

and maybe even

ask your spouse

how can I serve

you

physically

how can I

satisfy you

how can I

become more

vulnerable

to make you

feel loved

and served

in this moment

sex is not

an end in itself

it's a means

to an end

not only

child rearing

and procreation

but strengthening

the commitment

the bond

the intimacy

the love

the relationship

between two people

who have committed

to themselves

all their lives

okay

are you with me

okay

last thing

is this

sex is good

but it's not God

okay

so sex is about

love

not freedom

it's

sacred

not insignificant

it's about

covenant

not consumerism

it's good

but it's not God

modern culture

seems to have

a bipolar attitude

towards the value

of sex

on the one hand

we tend to use it

and exploit it

it's as if

it's nothing

we use it

to get a job

we use it

to advance

our careers

we use it

to pay the bills

we use it

to avoid loneliness

we use it

to make friends

right

it's just a commodity

that we trade

and at the same time

our culture also

tends to elevate it

where we say

it's everything

it's your identity

if you're not having sex

you are not a fully

functioning human being

and so we elevate it

to the place of identity

Julie Slattery says this

we have both cheapened it

but also elevated it

to represent our identity

our status

our happiness

but God tells us

that his design for sex

is not nothing

it's not everything

it's a good gift

that he gives

but it's not

the main purpose

in life

in Genesis 1-2

God says

that he calls

male and female

to multiply

and fill the earth

and he says

this is very good

very good

this is he calls

husband and wife

to leave their father

and mother

to be united together

in one flesh union

and they were naked

and they felt no shame

and this is good

it's God's good gift

now what that means

is this

contrary to Netflix

and the porn industry

would have you believe

sex is not the ultimate

experience in life

without which you're doomed

to a life of misery

and loneliness

that's not true

it's not everything

it's not your identity

friends

some of us

if you're going to

take God's word seriously

some of us may go

our whole lives

never experiencing

sexual intimacy

because you're going to

take God's word seriously

and that does not mean

that you're half a human being

that does not mean

that you are not

an authentic human being

you're not your authentic self

that does not mean

that you are doomed

to a life of misery

and loneliness

not at all

sex is not everything

at the same time

contrary to traditional cultures

and some people's experience

sex is not just

this degrading

humiliating

necessary evil

just to go through

to endure

and have children

it's a good gift

that God gives

to married people

to strengthen

their covenant relationship

the problem however

as Julie Slattery says

is that when our culture

so elevates sex

to identity

it turns it into

a kind of God

that you've got to worship

friends

when we look to anything

to form our identity

to give us a sense of meaning

and value

and self worth

we are

on very

very thin ice

because that identity

can never sustain you

never sustain you

trying to

tying your identity

and sense of self worth

to how attractive

or enchanting

or beautiful you are

or romantic relationships

is profoundly fragile

is building your entire self worth

on such thin ice

and it's only a matter of time

before that ice cracks

and you get dumped

in a lake

of despair

and hopelessness

friends

the only identity

that can withstand

real pressures

real rejection

from people

real struggles in life

is an identity

that is given to you

by the one

who loves you

by grace alone

an identity

that's given to you

it's not earned

it's not achieved

you don't get it

by performance

it's given to you

by grace alone

by the one

who knows you better

than you know yourself

and loves you still

friends

if you look to sex

and intimacy

in order to feel beautiful

or enchanting

you'll feel ugly

and unlovable

your whole life

rather let those

desires for intimacy

drive you

to the one

who truly loves you

and who truly

will accept you

the one who gave himself

up on the cross

for you

sex is good

within the safety

of a lasting covenant

but it's not God

it can't rescue you

it can't give you hope

it can't give you peace

it can't give you

an identity

it can't give you meaning

it can't give you

a satisfying life

sex is not your God

only Jesus

can give you that

okay I've gone on

longer than I expected

I'm sorry

let me

let me close

really practically

okay

now don't get nervous

it's not going to be

that practical

but a couple of

practical things

okay

a couple of

practical things

firstly

for all of us today

Galatians 5 says this

it is for freedom

that Christ Jesus

has set you free

so stand firm then

do not submit again

to a yoke of slavery

friends

this is an area

where most people

are enslaved

slave to past guilt

and shame

slave to current

addictions and desires

Jesus Christ

wants to set us free

and freedom starts

with a very little word

called repentance

repentance

friends all of us here

if I can be so bold

to say

all of us are sexual

sinners

including me

I need repentance

I need grace

I need the mercy

of the loving God

to come wash me clean

and be a work of my life

friends we all need it

why don't we

start by getting on our knees

and asking God Almighty

you can do it physically

if you want

but you don't have to

but in your heart

get on your knees

and say God Almighty

pour out your grace

and mercy

for those of us

that are married

here's four very

practical things

firstly

I want to encourage you

to talk about it

most married couples

don't talk about it

and when they do

it's full of shame

and embarrassment

and defensiveness

and it's awkward

talk about it

ask each other the question

what

is our sex life satisfying

do you actually enjoy it

you might be surprised

what you hear

but talk about it

secondly

pray about it

God

is the author

and the designer

of sex

God is more interested

in your sexuality

than you are

I really think so

so pray about it

pray about it

together

as a spouse

bring it before God

say God

we need your help

we need your wisdom

we need your guidance

God

we're struggling

God

won't you help us

pray about it

thirdly

work on it

get some books

get some

speak to a professional

if you're struggling

talk to somebody

about it

here's a book

I want to recommend

I read half of it

this week

it's an outstanding book

Julie Stattery's book

God

Sex

and Your Marriage

I meant to bring a copy

it's an outstanding book

I think Henrico's got some copies

at the office

so we can order some more

I really encourage you

if you're married

read this book

it's a great great book

here's the final thing

if you're married

prioritize it

it's not nothing

but it is sacred

it is important

Paul says

don't

don't withhold

from one another

it's meant to deepen

your love

strengthen your union

so put away your laptop

cancel your Netflix subscription

unsubscribe from Disney

plus

put away your phone

and prioritize it

honestly

okay

for those of us

that are single

here are a couple

things to think about

your sexuality

doesn't start

when you only get married

you're a sexual being now

what does it look like

to steward

your sexuality

now

what does it look like

to bring it before God

what does it look like

to honor Christ

with your sexuality

now

here's the second thing

if you're single

I want to encourage you

cultivate good healthy

relationships

with the other gender

in the church

learn how to become

the kind of person

that sees

cross gender relationships

as a way of honoring

each other

not using each other

our culture tells us

someone the opposite gender

you're there to use them

for your own gratification

but if you go your whole

single life

thinking like that

you don't just

on your wedding day

suddenly become a

selfless

giving

person

cultivate a heart

of selflessness

of giving

of honoring

of treasuring

the other gender

now

while you're single

and then thirdly

I want to say

to those of us

that are single

sex is not utopia

marriage is not utopia

friends

the greatest sex

in the world

will not satisfy you

or your heart

Jesus Christ will

the media is lying to you

pornography is lying to you

Jesus Christ

is what you were made for

he's the only one

that can give you

the treasure

the meaning

the peace

the hope

the longing

the satisfied life

trust in Jesus

sex will not be your God

but Jesus will be your God

and he will save you

and rescue you

let me close

with this

one day

Jesus Christ

is walking

in the

Middle East

and he comes

across a lady

who's had a litany