August 23 "Unity Death or Divorce?" (Mark 10:1-12. Part 1)

Mark's Gospel, tenth chapter.

In a few moments, we'll be looking at the first of the verses of the chapter.

So, the monster.

The monster's here, the monster's there.

The monster is just everywhere.

In my milk, in my tea.

Doesn't it ever think of me?

Mom's here, dad's there, and I'm just not anywhere.

How can I say this without any force?

The monster is called divorce.

I would be shocked if anybody in this room doesn't know somebody in your family, in your close circle of friends who's divorced.

I would be surprised if you don't.

And anytime the word divorce comes up, it raises all sorts of emotions.

Because behind every divorce is a story.

A story of dreams that were shared, plans that were made, and a relationship that at least for a while was vibrant and caused two people to meet at an altar and pledge their lives one to another.

But then promises were broken, plans changed, and next thing you know, they wind up in divorce court.

Please know that even as I say the word divorce, I don't want anybody to feel unnecessarily uncomfortable this morning.

And for those of you who might be guests, you might be wondering, boy, what a Sunday I chose.

You might be wondering, did I just decide on my own to just do a topic?

No.

It's what comes next in Mark's Gospel.

We started Mark's Gospel months ago, and today we just happen to be in chapter 10, the first 12 verses.

With that in mind, my title this morning is Until Death or Divorce.

Until Death or Divorce.

Verse 1 of Mark's Gospel, 10th chapter.

And he, Jesus, left there.

That is Capernaum.

We see that from chapter 9, verse 33, and went to the region of Judea.

He's going south and beyond the Jordan, and crowds gather to him again.

And again, as was his custom, he taught them.

Folks, Jesus and his disciples, they're moving closer and closer and closer to Jerusalem.

Jesus is getting closer and closer to the point where he will be beaten, battered, and crucified for the sins of the whole world.

And as he is making his way toward Jerusalem, his popularity continues to skyrocket.

And when people find out that Jesus is there, they gather, and as was his custom, Jesus teaches them with authority.

Verse 2.

And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

Now, folks, they have not one shred of sincerity in asking that question.

They are not genuinely interested in what Jesus thinks about divorce and whether it's legitimate or not and under what circumstances.

This is a trap.

And they're hoping Jesus will fall into it.

No matter which way he answers the question, they are prepared to attack.

And maybe, just maybe, they're hoping Jesus will say something that will get him in similar trouble that his friend John the Baptist got in when he questioned Herod and Herodias's divorces and remarriage.

Don't know what all the motives were, but this is a test.

It's a trap.

Verse 3.

Jesus, he answers their question with a question and turns into scripture.

He answered them, What did Moses command you?

They said, Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.

Shockingly, that's true.

And they're making reference to something Moses wrote in Deuteronomy chapter 24, and we'll get to that in just a moment.

Deuteronomy 24 · chapter mention

Verse 5.

And Jesus said to them, Because of the hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment.

In other words, Moses in Deuteronomy 24 talks about writing a bill of divorcement, and ultimately it's because of hardness of heart.

Now, unfortunately, some of you have experienced that firsthand, the hardness of heart.

I mean, all divorces.

In every divorce, somebody, and in some cases, both the husband and the wife have a hard heart.

Think about it.

With every divorce, even of Christians, you've got two sinners coming together, living as one.

And even those who've got the Spirit of God living with them and they've been redeemed and their names are written in the Lamb's Book of Life, we sometimes get in the flesh.

We sometimes are selfish.

And so anytime there is a marriage, some sparks are going to fly.

And if there's not grace and mercy that is regularly applied, hardness of heart can creep in.

And with a hard heart, repentance is slow if ever it comes.

With a hard heart, forgiveness is slow, if ever truly extended.

And folks, over the course of my three decades of pastoral ministry, I have interacted with some people with some significant marital wounds.

I've had moments when in the old church, in my office, there was a love seat, and I'd see couples come in, and I'm telling you what, both of them were hugging the opposite end of it.

They didn't want to sit anywhere near each other.

There have been times when I was fully convinced the only reason, the only reason these people are meeting with me is so they can check a box.

Check a box and then go straight to the divorce court.

And um there are times when with a hard heart, fault finding is just the default mode.

I don't care how helpful or kind a wife might be, a hard-hearted husband is going to find fault with her.

I don't care how loving or helpful a husband might be, a hard-hearted wife is going to find fault with him.

He didn't do this, she didn't do that.

And they just because of that hard heart won't make allowances for God's grace to bathe the marriage like it needs.

And so, therefore, so often hard-heartedness leads to divorce.

That's not to say that a hard heart is a good reason for a divorce, it's just the reality of it, almost without exception.

Extending grace is the only cure.

Folks, I'm the pastor of a church.

Jennifer and I've been married for 41 years.

And today, we need grace in our marriage.

You need grace in your marriage.

Every marriage needs grace and mercy, continuously applied.

The gospel, man, the gospel.

We need it every single day.

Verse 6.

But from the beginning of creation, in other words, Moses allowed divorce.

He gave some instructions about it.

We'll get to that in a minute.

But from the beginning, that's not the way I intended it.

But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so they are no longer two, but one flesh.

And what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Lord willing, and if if he will help me, I'm going to preach on these verses next Sunday.

Um I did not intend for this to be a two-parter, but man, when I'm just preparing, it got to like Wednesday and Thursday, and I thought, oh man, I think I need to do two parts.

So today we're dealing with divorce.

Next week we'll deal with marriage.

And so here, I don't say this very often, but for those of you who might not know, um, I provide full, I full man, the full manuscript that I'm preaching from, I'll make that available to you.

It's in the app.

You can get all these notes.

I think this may be one of those occasions when for any number of you it might be good to bookmark it, save it, print it out, put it in, and have something to refer back to.

Because here's the approach I'm gonna take.

I'm gonna ask five questions about divorce, about remarriage, and then with the Lord's help, I'm gonna give answers, Bible-based answers to those questions.

And so I would think that any Bible-believing person would want to know what God has to say about marriage, divorce, and the possibility of remarriage.

And by the way, I've adapted some of this material from a guy named Kevin DeYoung.

I found it very, very helpful, and I want to acknowledge that up front.

Question number one What's God's attitude toward divorce?

What's God's attitude toward divorce?

There's no reason for me to sugarcoat it because God does not sugarcoat it.

God hates divorce, and he wants you to avoid it if at all possible.

And by the way, let me just give a footnote real quick.

If at any point along the way, man, you you you begin to feel very uncomfortable about maybe something that I say, just keep listening.

You need to get this whole message.

You need to hear the answer to all five questions and then some of the things I have to say there at the very end.

Um, God's design and desire for marriage is that it lasts.

That's his will.

He always wants marriage to last.

God is never pleased, never ever pleased when you break your promises and your vows that you made to him and in front of a number of people as witnesses.

He's never pleased when that happens.

And God expressed his displeasure with the people of Israel.

You can read about it in Malachi, you can read about it in other portions of scripture.

He was displeased at how they seemingly just took marriage so lightly and God divorces it, incredibly upset him.

Jesus, as we're about to read, is so passionate about marriage because marriage is so sacred.

Folks, think about it.

Of all the images that God in his perfect sovereignty and wisdom could have chosen to give an icon, a picture, an image of his relationship to the church, guess what he chose?

He chose marriage.

Christ likens himself to a bridegroom, and all believers are likened to a bride.

If he's going to take marriage to express his relationship to the church, that just lets us know that marriage is sacred, incredibly so.

And so God hates divorce because of what causes divorce and because of what divorce causes.

He hates divorce because of both the reasons for it and the results of it.

Question number two Is divorce always sinful?

No.

No.

Is every divorce the product of sin?

Yes.

Is every divorce therefore sinful?

No.

Let me explain why I believe that's what the Bible clearly teaches.

Let's go back to the Christmas story.

Most of you know that Joseph and Mary are espoused to be married, to use the King James language.

They are betrothed, as we would say, they are engaged.

But in that culture, in that day, even engagement to be broken would require issuing a certificate of divorce.

Engagement was considered marriage, but without the consummation of the sexual union.

And so Joseph and Mary are planning to get married.

Joseph is preparing the home in which they will stay.

And Mary gets pregnant.

He makes the assumption that every man would have made.

The only way that can happen is if you've had sexual intimacy with another man.

So therefore, listen to what his plan was.

Matthew chapter 1, verse 19.

Matthew 1:19

Joseph, notice, being a just or a righteous or a godly man, he's not hard-hearted.

Being a just man and unwilling to put Mary to shame, he resolved to divorce her quietly.

He was not about to get on social media and talk about, I cannot believe what Mary has done to me.

No.

He doesn't want to embarrass her.

His heart's broken.

His dreams seem shattered.

So he's going to do.

So he is portrayed here as a good and godly man who is actually taking steps to end the marriage.

There's no implication that what he's planning to do is sinful.

Oh, when you read your Old Testament, the Lord sometimes divorced his people.

Sometimes the Lord divorced his people.

For example, Jeremiah 3.8 says, I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries.

Now, the adulteries there, literal and figurative.

They were whoring after other gods and being unfaithful to their spouses in a sexual way.

And God got fed up and said, Fine, you want to have your own way?

Have it.

Now, God being the perfect husband, if you will, always pursued Israel and tried to woo her back.

As a matter of fact, in the same chapter, Jeremiah chapter 3, in verses 114, and 22, he's trying to woo her back.

Jeremiah 3 · chapter mention

Now, granted, I will admit that God writing Israel a bill of divorcement is not exactly comparing apples to apples.

It's not an actual marriage.

But do you really think that God Almighty would even use an analogy of his relationship to Israel and Israel's unfaithfulness and all their adulteries, if indeed the image itself was of necessity sinful?

No.

No.

So if the Lord can divorce his adulterous people, then divorce in and of itself must not always be wrong.

Question three.

When is divorce permitted?

And this is where the rubber meets the road, and this is where we get right to where some people want to know.

Where is divorce, when is divorce permitted?

Biblically, two grounds.

Two.

First, on the ground of sexual immorality.

But folks, even then it's not required.

It's not required.

So you'll remember when we read verses three and four of Mark 10, the Pharisees asked Jesus, each Jesus, if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife.

Jesus then asked, What did Moses say?

And they said, Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.

That was a true statement coming from Deuteronomy 24.

Listen to verse 1 of Deuteronomy 24.

When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, and the verses continue.

Okay?

So with that in mind, the whole key is what does some indecency mean?

It had to mean something less than adultery, because in that day, under Old Testament Jewish culture, adultery was punished by death.

So this some indecency's gotta be less than that.

But there's no real definition of what it is.

Interestingly enough, the same word translated some indecency in the same chapter, uh it is translated, it is used to refer to human excrement.

So it's something that is um nasty, shall we say, but there's still no no definition about what it means.

So it's intentionally broad because Moses was not attempting to give legal grounds for divorce, he was only mentioning the reality of divorce for whatever reason it came about.

He's not suggesting that all divorces are legitimate, he was simply forbidding a man from remarrying a woman whom he had divorced and whom had remarried somebody else and also been divorced.

Okay?

But we still got to deal with that phrase because when Jesus is asked this question, and Jesus asked, What did Moses say, there still were differences of opinion about what some indecency meant.

There were two major schools of fault in Jesus' day.

There was the school of Hillel, he was a notable rabbi.

The school of Hillel liberal, I mean liberal as the day is long.

They viewed some indecency to pretty much include anything and everything.

If your wife embarrasses you or kind of just makes you even uncomfortable in some way, any indecency, you can give her a bill of divorcement.

If she burns your toast at breakfast, you ain't got to put up with that.

And that was an actual thing.

If indeed she speaks to somebody, you're going to the marketplace.

Hey, Joe, how you doing?

Hey, what are you doing talking to another man?

I'm not putting up with that.

You could divorce her.

For pretty much anything.

That's the liberal school of thought.

There was also a very conservative school of thought led by Rabbi Shemai.

And um they they pretty much viewed that it's it's it's got to be something kind of like adultery.

By Jesus' day, they weren't really putting people to death anymore for it.

Um the um Mosaic law had been lightened, if you will.

So, which school of thought do you think Jesus would be more prone to line up to?

The liberal for any reason or the more conservative?

You did just about like the 9 o'clock service.

It's like, man, I'm afraid if I answer that question, I'm gonna say the wrong thing for sure.

Obviously, Jesus would be on the more conservative side.

As a matter of fact, keep reading in Mark chapter 10.

Mark 10 · chapter mention

You drop down to verses 11 and 12.

And folks, in verses 11 and 12, Jesus gives no grounds for divorce.

None.

Keep listening.

Mark 10, verse 11.

Mark 10:11

Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.

By the way, this is after Jesus has finished up his conversation with the uh the Pharisees and in a house, the disciples are thinking, can we follow up and ask that question?

Jesus answers, whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.

And if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.

Yet, in Matthew's gospel, there's an exception clause.

Most of you are familiar with it.

In Matthew chapter 19, verse 9.

Matthew 19:9

Same context.

This is just Matthew's version of it.

Luke and Mark also have the same story.

The Pharisees come to test Jesus.

They ask the question about divorce, etc.

Listen to Jesus in Matthew.

And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality and marries another, commits adultery.

Now, we got another phrase we've got to figure out what it means.

That phrase there, I mean the word adultery.

The actual Greek word is pornea.

It's where we get our English word pornography from.

If you take a good quality Greek dictionary and look up pornea, um, it it can um it can relate to any number of sexual sins.

Some things are obvious.

Adultery.

It's included, and that's why most translations actually use the word adultery, homosexuality.

Those are clear breaking of the covenant, the marriage covenant.

Clear.

Um things maybe not as clear.

Um I'm in agreement with Ray Ortland on this.

In some cases, such some cases, such as pornography or deep, long standing emotional affairs.

I think we need some wisdom.

I think we need some wisdom to deal with each situation individually to see if perhaps it fits in that category of an.

Exception.

Because somebody, um, again, I believe this is I'm in agreement with Ray Ortland.

I believe pornography is generally less heinous than physical adultery, but it could be grounds for divorce if the guilty party refuses to fight the temptation, refuses to get help, and persists in their addiction.

If in that pursuit over a period of time of pornography, the the spouse is just being neglected.

I think it may very well fit in this exception clause.

When the marriage vows are violated by such sexual immorality, Jesus says the spouse who is sinned against is permitted to get a divorce.

They're not required to.

And sometimes, folks, uh over the years I've had there's one situation that especially comes to mind where serial adultery had been committed over a two-year period.

And they met in my office at the old church, and um God did a phenomenal work of grace in allowing him to forgive her.

Even those sinned against, you ought to stay in this marriage.

There are some who believe that once married, always married.

That from God's perspective, even if you get a divorce, you're still married.

I don't hold that position.

And I, in agreement with another writer, I do not think we should ever seek to take away rights that Jesus has given to people.

And if Jesus has made an exception, I think we should allow for it as well.

So, okay, the question then is why?

Why does Matthew have the exception clause, but Mark and Luke don't?

Here's what I think is at play here.

Mark and Luke express the law, the ultimate desire of Jesus, and Matthew provides the exception to the law.

For example, let's suppose that you're going around the bypass around Greenball, and let's suppose that you're at the point where it's 55, 55, 55.

If indeed, while you are observing the 55 mile an hour law, the speed limit, an ambulance or a highway patrolman goes by you at 75, have they broken the law?

No.

There's an allowance in certain circumstances for a vehicle to go past the speed limit.

And I think that's what Matthew is recording to us.

The law of the Lord is for marriages to last.

And he's always heartbroken when they don't.

But you know what?

God knows that there are going to be some times when some people need an out.

Sexual immorality is one of them.

All right, so question the question we're dealing with is when is divorce permitted?

There's a second answer to it, and it's on the ground of desertion by an unbelieving spouse.

On the ground of desertion by an unbelieving spouse.

I told the first service crowd I wanted to pick up in verse 8 of 1 Corinthians 7, but we got some things at the end of the service I need to deal with.

I don't have time.

Um but we're going to drop down to verse 12.

To the rest.

Paul is now he's talked about being single, etc., and thinking about getting married now.

He's dealing with married people to the rest.

I say, I'm not the Lord, that is, this command didn't come from the lips of Jesus, but it's still authoritative because I'm an apostle writing under inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

This is what I say.

If any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.

If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

Folks, that's exactly what happened in my home growing up.

My mom was married to my dad.

My mom came to a saving knowledge of Jesus.

My dad did not know Christ, but my dad was fine to stay married with mom.

She went on to church.

She took us to church, and dad said, Go ahead on, I ain't going.

But he didn't want to leave.

And God so honored mom's godly example, 1 Peter 3 example, that my dad saw all of that for years and years and years and just couldn't get over the legitimacy of salvation in Christ and Christianity lived out in my mom's life.

But then, verse 15, but if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so.

In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved.

God has called you to peace.

For how how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband, or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

So the second ground of divorce is when an unbelieving spouse, maybe for whatever reason, gets fed up, fed up with all this Christian talk, and I'm fed up with your unwillingness to do some things I want to do, but you're telling me it's sinful.

I'm out of here.

If that happens, let them go.

Alright, so then the question is I'll ask it for you.

Are there any other grounds for divorce?

Sexual immorality, an unbeliever abandoning a believer.

Any other grounds not explicitly written in Scripture?

But having said that, there may be some situations, please listen carefully, don't misunderstand me.

There may be some situations where the man or the woman, but in this case it's going to be more often the man, has not abandoned his spouse.

He's not abandoned his wife.

He's not abandoned the kids, but his behavior is worse than if he had abandoned them.

It's worse.

Gambling away everything the families ever had in debt past their eyeballs, threats being made, strung out on drugs, coming home drunk and beating the wife, beating the kids.

In cases like that where it's actually worse than if he'd have just left.

There's no way in the world I would tell any of our ladies, well, I'm sorry.

If he's he doesn't know Christ, but if he's willing to live with you, you'd gotta I I am not gonna tell them that.

And I don't believe the Lord's disappointed in me telling you that's what I would tell her.

In some cases like that, I think the Lord wants us to just use our good sense.

Question number four.

In situations where divorce is permissible, is remarriage also permissible?

And I believe the Bible teaches the answer to that is yes.

So remarriage is clearly allowed after a spouse dies, but what about after a biblically sanctioned divorce?

If the divorce is permissible, I believe remarriage is too.

And here's why.

First, I think the exception clause in Matthew 19, verse 9 modifies both verbs there: the divorcing and the marrying.

Matthew 19:9

In other words, the except for sexual immorality, I think it covers whoso divorces and whoso marries another.

For example, here's how Matthew 19, 9 could be, it could be translated like this.

And I think it could certainly be understood like this.

Whoever divorces his wife and marries another, except for sexual immorality, commits adultery.

But where adultery was committed, then both the divorce and the remarriage is allowed.

Second, the phrase in 1 Corinthians 7, 15, is not enslaved, probably implies the spouse who has been deserted is free to remarry.

If the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so.

In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved.

Down a little bit further in the same chapter, verse 39, if a wife's husband dies, she is free.

Granted, it's not the same word as enslaved, but it denotes the same concept.

Um she is free to marry, be married to whom she wishes only in the Lord.

Um question number five.

What should unbiblically divorced and remarried Christians do?

What should unbiblically divorced and remarried Christians do?

I believe the Bible is clear on this too.

Stay married.

Ain't no sense in trying to do something else that would be wrong to try to rectify something that you really can't rectify anyway.

Stay married, but repent of past sins and make whatever amends are necessary or possible.

Um, for those of you who may have remarried after being unbiblically divorced, this is what your attitude ought to be if it hasn't been already.

Lord, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I was either ignorant of scripture or I did that which I knew was wrong, and I'm sorry.

I was blind to my own sin.

I have broken your law and I have tarnished your name, and I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

Have mercy on me.

That's that's what your attitude ought to be if it's not already.

First, to the married.

Stay married if at all possible.

Guard your marriage.

Don't think you're above falling.

Don't think that you've reached a certain age or stage of life where I know, I know, I can't fall innocent.

Yes, you can.

Let him who thinks he does not fall take heed lest he fall.

Pray together, take walks together, have date nights apart from the kids, just the two of you.

Folks, marriage is sacred, so please don't take yours for granted.

Don't throw in the towel too soon.

If if if you're married and maybe it's a little bumpy right now and you're just starting to think about divorce, please come talk to me.

Come talk to Kevin, talk to somebody.

You might be a little embarrassed to come talk to one of us, talk to somebody.

And if you don't have biblical grounds, consider what might happen if you rebel against the Lord and do that which you know you ought not to do.

To the divorced and single, to those who were either previously married, now you're divorced, single again, or just those who were single.

If you had grounds for a divorce, listen, if you had grounds for a divorce, the pastors, deacons, and leaders of our church want to do everything we can to make sure that nobody looks down on you.

We don't have anybody walking around here with a scarlet D on their forehead divorced.

It's not no, that's not that's not Bible.

If you have been sinned against, we want you to find grace and fellowship here.

If you are divorced but shouldn't be, would you be willing to seek God's help to possibly put your marriage back together if possible?

It would be a great trophy of God's grace if a marriage that maybe ended, even ended, could be put back.

That has happened before.

If you were unbiblically divorced and you cannot be reconciled, then don't get remarried.

If you did not have biblical permission to get the divorce, then don't get remarried.

You're adding on.

And then finally, to those who have sinfully divorced, to those whose sin caused the divorce, to those who are now remarried when you shouldn't be, run to the cross.

Run to Jesus.

Just be brutally open and honest and confess your sins to him.

I like Kevin DeYoung's words here in particular.

It is not a light thing to tear asunder what God joined together.

It is no small mistake to pursue an adulterous second marriage, but God's grace is not light and it is not small.

Divorce is not the unpardonable sin.

There is mercy yet for you.

But now, folks, the contrition needs to be sincere.

A broken heart and a contrite spirit, folks, a broken heart and a contrite spirit, God will never reject.

Never.

You come broken, and He will welcome you.

Guaranteed.

Oh, and don't forget, any of us, that there is still a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel's veins, and sinners plunge beneath that flood, lose all their guilty staints.

And God's people said, Amen.

Father, thank you for your truth.

Help us to be good stewards of it.

And I pray, Lord, that you would take this treatment, if you will, this biblical preaching and teaching about divorce.

And let it let it find lodging in our hearts, in our minds.

And may we be open and receptive to maybe whatever life adjustments we need to make in light of biblical truth.

That's my prayer, Lord.

I pray it in Jesus' name.

Amen.