August 30 "Until Death of Divorce?" (Mark 10:1-12, Part 2)

So Mark chapter 10, we're revisiting the text that we were in last week.

Mark 10 · chapter mention

We're going to now look at the verses in the middle as opposed to what we looked at last week, the verses at the beginning and the end of our text.

And my title is the same as it was last week, until death or divorce.

Until death or divorce.

So, uh, without blurting it out, how many of you recall the first miracle of Jesus as recorded in the scripture?

If you think you know what that first miracle is, raise your hand.

A lot of you do.

And so it was Jesus turning water into wine.

Do you remember the occasion for why there was a need for wine?

It was a wedding.

And so, in my sanctified imagination, evidently some people did not RSVP, and yet they showed up anyway.

And so all of a sudden, the wine that has been a part of the festivities was gone.

And can you imagine the Maitre D in charge of everything fine?

Do what?

The wine is gone.

And now, this is according to the Manning paraphrase.

This is don't go back and read John 2.

This is the Manning paraphrase.

I can just hear Mary, Jesus' mother, saying, Oh, I know somebody whom I can help you.

And Jesus, probably with just a little bit of frustration, went in quiet because he did not, this early, his ministry is just getting started.

He didn't want everybody to think that he was nothing more than a miracle worker.

But nonetheless, quietly, there were these six stone jars, each of them containing approximately 25 gallons of water.

And Jesus miraculously turned all of those gallons of water into delicious wine.

Now, when that story was being taught to a group of kids in their Sunday school class, the teacher said, Now, kids, what lesson can we learn from this story?

And one little boy shot his hand up.

He said, If you're going to have a wedding, it's a good idea to invite Jesus.

He said more than he realized.

Because indeed, anybody who's got good sense will certainly invite Jesus to the wedding, but not just the wedding ceremony, but the marriage itself.

And folks, when Jesus has his rightful place in your marriage, he can turn your difficulties into victories.

Jesus can turn your bitterness and your unforgiveness into pleasantness.

Jesus can turn your frustrations into a fullness of life.

And so we're going to be looking at marriage this morning.

Last week we looked in Mark chapter 10, and our focus was on verses 2 to 5, and verses 10 to 12, and the focus then was on divorce.

Mark 10 · chapter mention

That was because the Pharisees asked questions about it that triggered Jesus' response.

So let's revisit real quickly what we looked at last week, verse 2.

And Pharisees came up and in order to test him, to tempt him, to make him look bad, asked, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?

They had not one shred of sincere desire to know what Jesus thought about divorce.

They're hoping to put him in a tight spot.

They really didn't care which way he went.

If he sided with the liberal crowd who felt like basically divorce could be for any reason under the sun, then they would say, Oh, this is unthinkable.

You are in contradiction to Moses.

If he did take a conservative approach, they would say, Well, guess what?

You're against the populist because the popular people here, I mean, the popular opinion is divorce is wide open.

And probably with that, they're hoping maybe word will leak out.

And Herod and Herodias will find out that Jesus has the same opinion about marriage that John the Baptist did.

And we know what happened to John the Baptist, right?

Off of his head.

Maybe we can get Jesus' head on a platter as well.

Verse 3, he, Jesus answered them, What did Moses command you?

He turns their attention back to the scriptures, verse 4.

They said, Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.

And Jesus said to them, Because of the hardness of your heart, he wrote this commandment.

Now, folks, we're not going to revisit some of the difficulty and some of the pains that some of you have experienced because of divorce.

But anytime divorce, anytime divorce takes place, hardness of heart's involved.

The wife, the husband, sometimes both have got a hard heart.

They don't want to be reconciled.

They don't want to forgive.

They don't want to be kind.

They don't want to be gracious.

They don't want to work things out.

They don't want to persevere.

They want it to end.

And so therefore, hardness of heart is at the center anytime divorce takes place.

But that was not God's intention.

And we know that it was not his intention because, verse 6, but, Jesus says, but from the beginning of creation, and so he's going to take us all the way back to the beginning of creation and remind us of how it's supposed to be, what his divine intentions were and still are.

But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female.

So he's going to start building his argument.

So Jesus takes us back to Genesis.

In Matthew's account, Matthew in Matthew 4, 19, verse 4, he quotes Jesus as saying, Have you not read?

Have you not read?

In other words, you're asking me this question about divorce and stuff.

Have you not read Genesis?

Now, they were familiar with Genesis, but they didn't want to hear Jesus commenting on the true meaning of the scriptures back in Genesis.

And so he says, Have you not read, and folks, here and in Genesis chapter 1, verse 27, scripture makes it very, very plain that there are two genders.

Genesis 1:27

Two genders, not multiple, two.

Genesis 1.27.

So God created mankind in his own image.

In the image of God, he created them.

Male and female, he created them.

There are two, only two genders, only two sexes, male and female.

Trying to change one's gender is ultimately a sinful rejection of the way your creator made you.

But now hold on a minute.

We as conservative Bible-believing Christians need to be very, very careful.

I want us to stand on anything and everything the scriptures stand on.

And so the amens for the truth that there are only two genders, appropriate.

Let's just make sure that we don't ever take stands, especially on things that are just so painful.

We've got families in our church that are hurting, that are heartbroken, that almost all almost feel like one of theirs has died because they've rejected the way God made them.

So let's don't ever, ever, yeah, there's all don't don't take stands like that.

Jesus didn't.

We can be conservative and we can stand on what's right.

Let's make sure we always do it with compassion.

Don't ever, don't ever be bitter, don't ever be mean about it.

Be people of compassion.

Those who struggle with gender dysphoria, they don't need chemicals, body mutilating surgery, cross-dressing clothes.

They don't need new pronouns or a new name.

Do you know what they need?

They need Jesus, they need the gospel.

Back to Genesis 1.

Not only did God create males and females, a man and a woman, but when he beheld his creation, he said, you know what?

This is good.

This is very good.

And so anytime anybody in any way goes against what God created, that's not good.

That's not good.

Male and female, differences between men and women, absolutely.

That's the way God designed it.

But just as a little footnote, men and women, all men and women are made in the image of God.

And therefore there is equality and there is dignity.

Yeah, different roles.

Men have certain roles, women have certain roles, but under absolutely no circumstances does a man have superiority.

Under no circumstances, even in the variation of the roles, does a woman have inferiority.

Different purposes.

Just like in the Godhead, God the Father, God the Son, God the Spirit, all equal, but they have different roles.

It didn't make one better or superior to the other.

And so may God help us as a body of believers here at our church to recognize all men and women made in God's image, dignity.

Back to John 10.

Jesus continued his references to Genesis and says in verse 7, therefore, okay, so because God created male and female, men, women, therefore, for for the benefit of all creation moving forward, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

And what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Now, folks, today is another day, this is another occasion on this day for me to be explicitly clear about what the Bible teaches, despite what our culture might say.

The Bible is explicitly clear.

Marriage is exclusively heterosexual.

Exclusively heterosexual.

That might not play well in the culture.

It might not play well if I were to be interviewed on a local news station, not to mention a national news station.

But that's what the Bible says.

That's what we as a church believe.

It's what I believe, it's what all the pastors believe, it's what all our deacons believe.

It's in our uh statement of faith, it's in our bylaws.

When you become a member of our church, you're saying, you know what?

We believe that marriage is defined by one man, one woman, and a covenant relationship.

And that's it.

Now, folks, we can have some disagreements on some things and debate a few things, but not on this one.

Marriage is exclusively, exclusively heterosexual.

No debate, no discussion.

That's what God says.

Now, the Supreme Court might say it's something different.

There might be some benefits that are given to people, to men married, to women married, or whatever.

That doesn't make it right.

It does not make it right.

Folks, it is impossible for God to bless and show favor on something that is contrary to scripture.

It's not possible.

He won't do it.

Now, hold on.

Notice, God says a man is to leave his father and mother and hold fast to his what?

His wife.

It didn't say fiance.

Doesn't say girlfriend.

It says hold fast to his wife.

So folks, I would like to think that this doesn't apply to anybody in here.

I don't know if it does or not.

But it is unwise, unbiblical, and sinful when man and woman live together and they're not husband and wife.

It's sinful.

It's not wise.

It's unbiblical.

Some people have a fear of the unknown.

Will we be compatible?

Will our marriage be successful?

Can we afford it?

Folks, instead of being fearful of the unknowns, if you say you know Jesus, you are to be fearful of the known.

And the known is if you live as husband and wife, though you're not husband and wife, you're sinning against God.

You are sinning against God.

You cannot justify it.

You cannot justify it.

So I learned a new word this week.

Gammaphobia.

Gamophobia is an intense, irrational, and persistent fear of marriage or long-term romantic commitment.

Gamophobia goes way past cold feet.

It causes extreme panic, dread, and physical anxiety symptoms like a racing heart or dizziness.

All of that just at the thought of settling down.

Now, folks, even if you get diagnosed with advanced gamophobia, and 17 counselors advise you to live together to see how it's going to work out.

It won't make it right.

It will not make it right.

When you're thinking about buying a car or a truck, test driving it's a good idea, right?

I mean, you want you want to know, okay, how does it handle?

You know, what's the brakes like?

What kind of acceleration does it have?

What kind of comfort does it have?

Will it does it have sufficient see how hard is it to get in the back row?

Test driving a car or truck makes good sense.

You test drive it because you're not committed to it yet.

You want to test drive it before you commit.

It doesn't work that way in marriage.

You're supposed to commit before you buy.

You don't test drive, you commit.

And folks, here's the irony.

Secular studies.

Secular studies will tell you that living together to make sure you're making the right decision, it doesn't help.

It makes it even harder in many cases to come to a clear decision about what we ought to do.

Folks, listen carefully.

Marriage isn't something you test before you commit.

It's a covenant you enter because you are committed.

Marriage isn't something you test before you commit.

It is a covenant you enter before you are, because you are committed.

Test driving a truck or a car pretty highly recommended.

If you live together and you're not husband and wife, God is highly offended.

And so for anybody, I have no idea.

In here or watching online, and I have no idea.

I don't preach these truths to make anybody feel bad.

But I'm exhorting you on the authority of God's word.

Get out of any kind of a sinful living situation that you might be in.

Now, having said all of that, with the remainder of our time, I want us to focus on Jesus' words contained in Mark 10, verses 7 to 9.

Mark 10:7–9

And I want to draw three necessities for a vibrant God-honoring marriage.

Three necessities for a vibrant God-honoring marriage.

Number one, prioritize your spouse above all others.

Prioritize your spouse above all others.

Verse 7.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.

All right, first there's leaving.

You leave mom and dad.

You stop being dependent on mom and dad.

You leave not only mom and dad specifically, but basically every other relationship.

You leave it in varying degrees so that you might establish what is to be the ultimate priority relationship in your life.

Now, timeout, time out for any soon-to-be um moms and dads of kids who are about to get married.

The leaving it does not imply dishonoring.

No, it's just you leave.

You don't live there anymore.

You're not dependent on them anymore.

You leave, but there's no dishonoring.

Dependence and obedience to parents is temporary.

Honoring them is to last a lifetime.

Jay Adams, a counselor, he wrote this many years ago.

God did not put a parent and child in the garden.

Adam and Eve were husband and wife.

The relationship between parent and child is established through birth or adoption.

The relationship between husband and wife is established by covenant promises.

Now, folks, listen carefully.

Blood may be thicker than water, but it should not be thicker than promise.

It should not be thicker than promise.

The contrast between the temporary parent-child relationship and what God wants to be the permanent husband-wife relationship, it is being emphasized in these scriptures.

If kids are smart, and yours I'm sure are, they will probably ask you some questions and seek your advice and seek your counsel.

But if they don't ask, don't offer.

Unsolicited advice is unwelcomed advice.

Just zip it.

Moms and dads, well, no, married couples, I'm trying to help you here.

But mom and dad sometimes just no, just be quiet.

Don't say it.

Worn them out.

Moms and dads, and maybe moms more than dads, don't strangle your child's marriage with your apron strings.

Cut them.

Cut them.

So this has been several years ago.

Some of you might remember Christy Adams.

She used to be one of our piano players.

I can see this like it was yesterday.

I'm preaching on marriage, and at the at the old church, the piano's over here like it is here.

And Christy Adams, I can see her sitting right there on the end of the front.

She had played the piano that day and she sat right there.

And so you know that when a baby's born, there's an umbilical cord.

I have a hard time with that word.

If I'm not real careful, and on that particular Sunday, I was not careful enough.

I talked about severing, cutting the unbiblical cord.

And when it came out, I thought, I don't think I said that right.

And when I looked at Christy, she smiled, like, bless his heart.

Well, if the unbiblical cord is not properly cut, that is unbiblical.

It is unbiblical.

So moms and dads, let them go, let them make their mistakes.

Jesus said, the Lord says, therefore a man is to leave his mother and father, implied the wife does also, and they establish their own home.

Don't strangle your child's marriage with apron strings.

So it's football season.

Got underway yesterday.

Full college slate next weekend.

The NFL kicks off the following weekend.

So when it comes to college football, I am ECU all the way.

And so when it comes to ECU football, two of our biggest rivals are Carolina and State.

And anytime and every time we play them, I hope we beat them like the cockroaches that they are.

Well, I just made some friends, didn't I?

But you know, I'm willing to admit that uh the the rivalry between ECU and Carolina or State, it doesn't compare to like Ohio State, Michigan, Alabama, Auburn.

I I get that.

And you know what?

When you're really good, you can have all kinds of rivals.

But now hear me.

When it comes to your spouse, they are to be number one.

And I'm telling you, Jennifer Manning, she is to have no rivals.

None.

She is my number one.

I'm doing that with love.

I didn't expect that part.

But really, I don't do props very often.

If you're a gas, you're probably thinking, and this is kind of silly.

I bet you remember it.

A man leaves his father and his mother, and he takes up residency, literally, figuratively, with his wife.

She's number one.

Prioritize your marriage relationship.

Husbands, can I speak to you for a moment?

I am urging you, I am urging you, don't ever make your wife think that you care more about your boat or your truck than you do her.

Guys, don't ever make your wife think you care more about hunting deer or chasing a golf ball than you do spending time with her.

Guys, please don't make your wife think you care more about playing video games than you do her.

Wives, I'm urging you, please don't make your husband think you love your kids more than you love him.

Don't make your husband think you love your BFFs.

However many you may have more than you do him.

Husbands and wives, please don't prioritize work over your spouse.

Don't give your employer everything you have and work yourself fingers to the bone and then have nothing but leftovers for your spouse.

That's not right.

That's not right.

All right, so then after the leaving, there is the holding fast.

So therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.

Now, folks, did you know that biblically I am stuck with Jennifer?

I am stuck with her.

And that's a good thing.

That's a good thing.

You stop paying attention, I'm coming up, I'm gonna walk you upside the head.

No.

Um I like to do a little bit of woodworking, just a little bit.

Don't read too much into that.

Um but I do know that if if I were to, let's suppose I'm gonna make a uh a cutting board, and let's suppose I've got several smaller strips, and I want to, you've got to glue them together.

Every cutting board, your kitchen table has boards that are glued together.

Did you know that if I were to put the proper, if I were to prepare these and put the proper amount of glue on both, put them together, put some clamps on them and let it give it long enough to dry, the joint that is established will be stronger than the wood itself.

You see, wood glue, it actually, it doesn't just stay on the surface, it seeps into the deep pores of the wood.

So that if you try to break it apart, you're gonna do damage to both pieces of wood.

And that's what divorce does.

Again, we're not we're not revisiting the anguish that every family has to deal with with divorce.

But he wants you to be glued together, stuck together.

I am gladly stuck with Jennifer, glued together.

Therefore, leave your husband and your wife and be and hold fast one to another.

Second priority, protect your intimacy at all costs.

Protect your intimacy at all costs, verse 8.

And the two shall become one flesh, for they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Folks, marriage provides the opportunity.

God, in ordaining marriage, provides an opportunity for the deepest intimacy possible in earthly relationships.

Far deeper than the relationship that you have with your kids.

Look, Jennifer and I both have incredible bonds with our kids.

All three of them were grown.

All three of them are in their 30s now.

How did that happen?

I mean, with unbelievable pride, man, I held all three of my kids.

And our bond with them has actually gotten stronger and stronger.

Do you have any idea what a blessing it is for us to have grown children who want to spend time with us?

Who look forward to our beach trips when we all come together and just do life together?

That's wonderful.

But now, folks, my bond with Jenna, Jake, or Joanna is nothing compared to my bond with that woman right there.

That bond, that intimacy, it's the deepest possible intimacy that two people can have and have it with God's blessing.

Yes, there's the sexual component.

The two shall be one flesh.

A man and a woman, they fit together.

It's the way God ordained it.

But now I want you to think a little bit more.

I mean, I read some stuff this week that's just golden.

Um practically, this one flesh relationship is one total sharing of this mortal life with no barriers or limits, one story, one purpose, one bed, one suffering, one joy, one checkbook, one family, one everything.

It's two selfish me's coming together in an unconditional commitment to start thinking like one.

Meanness, M-E, meanness dies away and us-ness comes alive, as in no other earthly relationship.

Now, men like may I speak to you for a moment.

I think it's possible for us as men to treat our wives like an object to obtain our satisfaction and not be concerned about making sure that her needs are met.

And so, men, hopefully not one of you needs to hear this, but make sure that you selflessly care for your wife.

Make sure her needs are met.

Be tender, affectionate.

Um she feels completely safe with you at all times.

At all times.

So many things can interfere with your intimacy as husband and wife.

Past hurts, rejection, criticism, it kind of makes vulnerability feel unsafe.

Unrealistic expectations can make a spouse feel that he or she doesn't measure up.

Unresolved conflict is going to interfere with marital intimacy, selfishness, a loss of trust.

Men, if you break your spouse's trust, if you give her a reason to wonder, well, are you telling me the truth or not?

Don't don't expect the intimacy in the other room, the bedroom, to be what it could be, what it ought to be.

There's another barrier.

There's another barrier to marital intimacy, and I want to touch on it briefly, and that's your kids.

Children naturally make this more challenging.

Babies need nighttime care, toddlers need attention, teenagers have schedules and activities.

But parents, husbands and wives, should intentionally protect appropriate time, privacy, affection, and sexual intimacy within their marriage.

Jennifer listens to this podcast, and by the way, while I'm thinking about it, there's a whole slew of recommended resources on the app notes.

And so if you want some things, you can go there.

One of the podcasts that I listed there is one that Jennifer actually told me about on Friday or Saturday.

And it was this, it was a focus on the family-based podcast, but it's something called differently.

And um, there's a couple that's like in their 70s or whatever, and they talked about scheduling their intimacy.

We're gonna do it next Tuesday at 8:30.

And we might laugh, and I know some of the teenagers are kind of like, what?

Just talk to your mom and dad about it.

Don't come up to me.

But seriously, I'm serious.

If it'll help, schedule it.

Give you something to look forward to.

Um, parents, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a strong marriage.

And parents, please don't communicate to your children, however unintentionally, that they are more important than your marriage.

And so, folks, I've got another one of these truth statements I want to leave with you.

If you prioritize the kids over your spouse, you'll reach the emptiness stage and end up with a marriage that's an empty mess.

Come on, husbands and wives, prioritize the intimacy between you.

And this goes beyond the bedroom, just the overall usness.

It is sad.

It is sad when the last child graduates, goes off to college, or gets married, and then the husband and wife are sitting there like, do I even know you?

That's sad.

So if you prioritize the kids over your spouse, you'll reach the empty stage nest and end up with a marriage that's an empty mess.

Number three, another way to have a fulfilling, God-honoring marriage, plan for permanence at the beginning.

Plan for permanence at the beginning.

Verse 9.

What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.

Whether you stood before the Lord in a church, at a wedding venue, or at the justice of the peace, if you're married, you you made promises to your spouse.

You made a vow to God.

I want to just encourage all of us who are currently married, those of you who are about to get married, go into it planning for it to be permanent.

I mean, just no other consideration.

By God's grace, we're going to stay married until one of us dies.

So it was 2020, which obviously was the year of COVID.

And I want to think it was in the fall of that year.

I'm in our conference room with four other men in our church.

It was my D group, my discipleship group.

I can see this also like it was yesterday.

Ross Smith is sitting over here to my right.

And we're going around and we would each share from our Here Journal, and then we would share prayer requests, etc.

And he asked prayer for his son-in-law, Chase, who is a pastor.

He's he's serving in a local church, but he was also doing some part-time work with Terminex.

And he said, I'd like for you to pray for my son-in-law, um Chase, you know, so he can get some additional work with termine.

When he said that word terms, I thought, I've been taking care of my mom's finances since dad died.

And I thought, I have not paid anybody for any kind of termite protection.

I'm going to give Chase some work.

So I called him up.

Hey, Mick, can you come?

He came.

I want to think it was on a Wednesday.

And my mom's house was right across the street right across the street.

Well, the house is still there, but somebody else owns it now.

And he came over and opened and knocked on the door.

Hey, Chase, how's it going?

I could tell from the looks on his face, he didn't have good news.

He said, Jeff, man, I'm I'm sorry, but your mom's got termites.

I said, She does?

I'm thinking like three or four, you know, and would just squish them and be done with it.

He said, Oh, oh no.

He started showing me pictures.

One picture after another after another.

Twenty thousand dollars worth of damage.

You see, termites don't just take three bites and boom your house collapses.

It's over time.

And more often than not, it's not something huge that causes marriages to fall apart.

It's a lot of little stuff.

Ill will termites.

Anger, rage, termites.

Inappropriate words, name calling, termites.

Lack of tenderness, unforgiveness, termites.

Pornography, termites, lust, termites, flirting, termites.

If you let those termites go long enough, it's gonna do a whole lot more damage than$20,000 worth.

You won't be able to put a price tag on it.

So would you bow your head with me?

Those of you who have your spouse sitting beside you, men, would you would you kind of just take a hold of your wife's hand if you don't mind?

Just reach over there and just grab her hand.

Now, men, those of you who were holding your wife's hand, is there any awkwardness?

I'm not talking about the fact that you're holding hands in church.

I'm talking about, is there is there anything going on between you and your spouse?

Any termites?

Anything at all that's not right between you and her.

Why don't you confess it to the Lord?

Genuinely repent of it.

Beg God for his help.

You see, you can't call terminex, but you can call upon the Holy Spirit.

You can call upon Jesus.

You can put biblical principles into your life that will help you get rid of those termites.

Ma'am, ladies, are you the cause of any termites?

Husband just can't seem to do anything right.

Nag, nag, nag.

Termites.

Confess it to the Lord.

Um if you want to just whisper a two or three sentence prayer into the ear of your spouse, feel free.

And if you don't, that's okay too.

Um man, I would love for all the marriages of our church to be strengthened by implementing these God-honoring biblical principles.

Lord, thank you so much for grace that is greater than our sin.

Thank you, Lord, for marriage.

Thank you for good, solid husband-wife relationships that are represented by scores of people in our church.

And yet, there's not a one of us that should underestimate Satan's hatred for our very souls, our marriages, our homes, our kids.

So help us to keep our guard up, knowing that he's always looking for someone to devour, a husband to devour, a wife to devour, a marriage to devour, a home to devour.

And Lord, may today be a seminal moment.

Yeah, we might remember a couple of silly props.

Number one, but Lord, may that be a reminder to prioritize your spouse over all other relationships.

Two pieces of wood.

Help us to be glued together until death we do part.

And I pray all of this in Jesus' name.

Amen.