Marriage: Blessings, Bliss, and Battle by pastor Jamey Houghton

happy Sabbath church family

it is good to be back

I have been out

with uh pneumonia for a little while

and if I cough a few times during the

sermon I apologize it's been uh I've

coughed more in my life in the last two

weeks and I have my whole life before

that anybody had the pleasure of having

pneumonia before

yeah it's not a pleasure at all it's uh

it's the worst I've ever been sick and I

am glad for for the medications that I

had that are helping me get better

my doctor who's a good friend of mine

his uh I don't think this is medical

terminology but uh he says your lungs

look like garbage

and they felt like garbage and so I'm

glad to be on the mend and be uh be

getting back on two feet and I'm very

very glad to be here to worship with my

church family today it's good to be here

we're going through a sermon series on

biblical foundations key biblical

teachings in the Bible that are

imperative very important Pastor Jeff

started us off last week with creation

and we're going to be looking at

creation for three weeks as a part of

this

and uh for everything we see in creation

there are a lot of varieties of

teachings about what happened then or

what what happened during that creation

week and so we are going to be looking

for biblical Clarity specifically in

creation week and then going on into

some of the uh the basic Bible teachings

that are essential for us as Seventh-day

Adventist Christians to understand

this week we are looking at something

that happened in creation week on day

number six

and it has to do with marriage

I noticed when I was a young man

that boys and girls were different I

always knew it but there was a moment

where I was like wait what and it was it

was a time probably in junior high where

I think our class was out to dinner

somewhere as a class event

and uh everybody was there all my

buddies were there all the girls in the

class were there

and one of the girls in the class said I

need to go to the bathroom

and she stood up and she looked at all

of her friends she didn't go to the

bathroom she just looked at her friends

and waited

and her friends went I need to go to the

bathroom too

and then one by one they all stood up

until all of the girls got up and they

left and they went to the bathroom

together as a group

and my buddies and I being 12 13 year

old years old we kind of looked around

like what just happened

we don't go to the bathroom in groups

that's a terrible idea

and we looked around and kind of like

confused because half the group was gone

all the girls were gone and I remember

being a young man thinking man I will

never understand this so let's talk

about football

and all the guys were kind of the same

we were kind of like well okay we're

gonna know what's going on here but uh

let's just hang out I guess until they

come back

I realized that men and women are very

different

and as I got older

this realization became

even more obvious

men and women

Drive differently

have you noticed this

don't look at your spouse right now it's

not safe

don't look at them

men and women Drive differently

I do my best driving

when I'm sitting in the driver's seat

behind the steering wheel

my wife does her best driving

when she's riding shotgun next to me

and I might do my best sleeping this

week on the couch after saying that

she can see somebody in front of us

stopping before they even know they're

gonna stop

she's safe like that my wife does have

superpowers though

I learned this my wife has a superpower

many times in our marriage she said

Jamie can you get something out of the

refrigerator for me

I say sure so I go to the refrigerator I

open the door and I start looking for

what she's asked for I get down look at

the lower the lower shelves lean this

way maybe move some stuff I look this

way don't see it

I look again not there I say honey it's

not there she says yes it is it's right

there

I look again

I don't see it

she comes in this is where she has

superpowers I don't know how she does

this

but she will reach right in front of

where I'm looking and what she was

looking for and what I've been looking

for appears right in front of me

don't know how she does it don't know

how she does it I was looking right

there it wasn't there she can make it

appear out of thin air

we have different sleeping temperatures

I like a lot of blankets lots of

blankets down comforters all those

things pile me up open the window so

it's cold but give me lots and lots of

blankets

my wife sleeps hot

she doesn't want all the blankets she

wants one blanket

so we have a pile here and one like this

and we're both happy

I fall asleep quickly

as soon as I hit the pillow

I fall asleep I never knew this was a

problem

but I've gotten looks that I've learned

to to recognize in my marriage that are

concerning who I look like am I in

trouble

am I in trouble for falling asleep so

fast how do you fall asleep so fast I've

heard it takes me 25-30 minutes to fall

asleep

and I sleep deep too

I've gotten in trouble for that

one time when our son Josh was three

I know I didn't know any of this I had a

great night's sleep

in fact I woke up thinking wow I feel

really rested this morning

and it was so good the sleep was so good

I decided to comment on it to my wife

I said Aaron I slept really good did you

sleep good it was like man it was really

good sleep you know you have one of

those really good night sleeps and

you're like oh man I feel great I said

man I slept so good did you sleep good I

slept really good and she didn't answer

she's looked at me

like that kind of

I was like okay my man radar is going

off something is not right

and she said

you didn't hear anything last night

I said no I didn't hear anything

she says because our son Josh who's

three at the time

he was screaming at the top of his lungs

three feet away from your head last

night

and I was like oh

I didn't know that I didn't hear

anything

I sleep really deep

not everybody sleeps really deep

there was a thread

on Twitter that talked a little bit

about the differences between dating and

marriage and what marriage is like it

said this this is what dating is like I

can't wait to see you again

marriage is like part of your knee was

on my side of the bed again last night

another tweet said there are two kinds

of people the one that picked that

packed six days before a trip and the

ones that wake up the day of and realize

they need to do a load of laundry and

those people marry each other

marriage is having separate tubes of

toothpaste because your spouse squeezes

it wrong

before I got married I didn't even know

there was a wrong way to put the milk

back in the refrigerator

there's a quote that I really enjoy and

it says men marry women hoping they will

never change and they do

Women Marry men hoping they will change

and they never do

marriage

is a fascinating thing to look at but

when you see how God made each one of us

uniquely it's a blessing that we're not

exactly the same you see God made us

complementary to each other so that one

person's strengths might be another

person's weaknesses and they can balance

each other out one person may be really

good at saving the other one might be a

Spender

one person might be very organized the

other one might be a slob

I should say sloppy probably instead

some of you are probably like what

did you hear that

people are so different

some might be structured some might be

more free-spirited

but in the beginning God created both

men and women and made them for each

other to complement each other

to work together as a pair

we might joke about the broad

differences but those differences are

really what makes us a good team in a

married relationship

learning how to play fair

is the challenge in married life

now as we jump into this topic in the

Bible I want to ask you a couple of

questions just so we have Clarity moving

forward in this study

do you believe that the Bible is God's

word yes or no

do you believe that the Bible is

trustworthy yes or no

if the answer is yes then we have to be

able to trust everything that God says

in the Bible as gospel truth don't we

and we can trust it knowing that it

comes from the lips of God Almighty

inspired through the people he had right

down

turn with me in your Bibles as we jump

into this topic Genesis chapter 1

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

Genesis chapter 1 and we'll start in

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

verse 26 the very beginning of the Bible

Genesis 1

Genesis 1:26

verse 26 and it says this then God said

let us make man in our image according

to our likeness let them have dominion

over the fish of the sea over the birds

of the air over the cattle over all the

Earth over every creeping thing that

creeps on the earth verse 27. so God

created man in his own image in the

image of God he created him male and

female he created them I love the

clarity in the Bible when God talks

about these topics because right here

God clears up clears up some

misconceptions in our society today

because according to my Bible according

to the Creator God he clears up for us

just how many genders there are right

here in the beginning of Genesis he says

God created them man and woman male and

female my Bible says there are two

genders

and if that's what God says if I believe

the rest of the Bible I have to believe

this as well

he created them male and female and in

this specific creation order God says

there is a blessing in this when we look

in verse 28 it says then God blessed

them and God said to them be fruitful

and multiply this is the only scenario

on planet Earth

in the context of a male and a female

that you can be fruitful and multiply

and experience this blessing that God

says and and truly

being a parent is a huge blessing

I've got three kids you just saw them up

here a moment ago

I have so much fun being a dad

it's the most fun thing I've ever done

I've done a lot of really cool things in

life I've gone skydiving scuba diving

traveled all around the world

done all kinds of fun stuff

the most fun I've ever had hanging out

with my kids and showing them the world

and teaching them different things that

I've learned being a father is one of

the most fun things ever and

experiencing that blessing

is one of the things that God intended

for this marriage relationship

between a husband and a wife and there's

all kinds of other blessings between the

husband and wife to enjoy each other's

company and to grow old together and to

support each other there's so many other

blessings within this marriage context

that we see here in the beginning of the

Bible

but I love the clarity of the Bible

I love how God talks about these things

so that we can understand because as we

see later on in the Bible we see some

deviations from this Garden of Eden

model for marriage very quickly in fact

and God talks about these other

combinations in the Bible because

they're important to us as humans to get

understanding of what we should and

should not be doing

now God doesn't say these things to try

and restrict anything from us when God

gives us instructions I believe with all

my heart that God is telling us that

these things are best for us because we

will experience the most happiness

fulfillment and joy when we follow God's

plan for our lives

and so right off the bat

in the Bible we see polygamy become

popular

and some use it as a cultural thing to

excuse it Laban is an example of this

with Isaac Rachel and Leah

not a single time though when we see

this this walking away from God's ideal

in the Garden of Eden with this polygamy

example here not once do we see and a

lot of a lot of good people tried this

we see this all over in the Old

Testament polygamy multiple wives all

these different things

have you ever noticed that not once in

any of those stories where people like

man I had eight wives and it was amazing

it was the most peaceful marriage I've

ever had

is that the theme for polygamy in the

Bible not really right

every time there was a polygamous

relationship

it got so complicated

excuse me it got so complicated there

was so much trauma in the home there was

so much anger and complication

that it worked out way worse than it

would have been if it had if they had

been following God's model for this

marriage arrangement

when I look at the Bible and I've had

this question many times

in our modern society this is a big

topic that is uh that is all over the

place

this idea of marriage and sexuality

one thing that I very much appreciate

about scripture is its consistency

throughout the Bible

we see God address different

situations

that come up in human history in regards

to sexuality and marriage and

consistently we see God's people

throughout the centuries who he chose to

write down his messages

say the same exact thing in consistency

for us to be able to follow and to know

what to do and what not to do

when you read

chapters like Leviticus chapter 18.

Leviticus 18 · chapter mention

if you haven't read that one in a while

that that talks about a whole lot of

these other situations that the

Israelites were trying out

and God as he saw these things said we

need to talk about this

and Leviticus 18 might make you blush a

little bit when you read it

because it's a pretty intense chapter

and yet this is God sharing with his

people the Israelites what they need to

be doing and what they need to not be

doing as well

you see because there's a there is a way

where we can sin in relationships we see

this with Joseph

remember with Joseph and Mrs potiphar

Mrs potiphar tries to seduce Joseph and

Joseph says this he says how could I do

this thing and sin against God

so we have to acknowledge that there

there is wrong and right in this

scenario about relationships and

sexuality

and God clears this up very and in my

opinion

with such Clarity that it's hard to hard

to come up with a reason to justify it

Leviticus chapter 18 Romans chapter 1

Leviticus 18 · chapter mention Romans 1 · chapter mention

first Timothy chapter 1.

1 Timothy 1 · chapter mention

God is consistent and clear that we will

feel the blessings of Heaven

in a husband and wife relationship that

you cannot have in any other Arrangement

on this planet

and he wants that for you because he

wants you to enjoy the blessings that go

along with that

regardless if it's faithfulness within a

marriage or one of the other

combinations described in Leviticus or

Romans

God calls each one of us

to follow him 100 percent

no matter what our situation is

maybe we can have an afternoon seminar

on this I know there's a lot of

questions on this topic and we could

probably talk extensively but maybe some

Sabbath afternoon we can have a a

special

seminar in the afternoon where we have

questions and answers and go over some

of these topics because these are these

are important things for us to to talk

about and to understand from the

scriptural perspective in today's

society and culture

these are huge for us to be able to to

understand and in fact

um

Pastor Mark Finley who's one of my

favorite speakers

tackled this topic on his YouTube

channel about a month ago four weeks ago

and it's right there in the top middle

and he discusses the uh the topic of

sexuality from a Biblical perspective

it's one of the best presentations I've

ever seen on this biblical

grace-filled truth-filled and if you

have time this afternoon go and take a

look it's on his YouTube channel which

are right at the top it's called hope

lives 365. and like I said it's one of

the most

well presented

studies on this topic that I have ever

seen it also happens to be the official

stance of The Seventh-Day Adventist

Church which is one of the reasons I'm a

Seventh-Day Adventist because I feel

that this denomination has a

scripturally faithful approach to this

topic

I don't think that outside of this and

and what Pastor Finley talks about in

this video you could be scripturally

faithful

with a different view on this it just

isn't backed up by scripture

in this topic of course we have to have

the love of Jesus Christ in our hearts

when we talk about this and have a

Redemptive approach which Pastor Finley

totally does in this video if you don't

have time today find time tomorrow to go

watch this video it is extremely

relevant for uh for the discussions

today on this topic

now let's jump back into our Bible story

in the Book of Genesis we see that God

created a male and female but we Rewind

by fast forwarding because we see here

in Genesis chapter 2 we come to a part

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

of the story where Eve has not been

created yet

and in Chapter 2 Verse 18

it says in the Lord God said it is not

good that man should be alone I will

make him a helper comparable to him

out of the ground the Lord God formed

every beast of the field and every bird

of the air and brought them to Adam to

see what he would call them isn't that

awesome Adam got to name everything

there was like basically an animal

Parade that came right in front of Adam

and he was like giraffe

monkey

iguana I mean how cool is that he got to

name everything

verse 19 it says out of the ground the

Lord formed everything Adam called every

down to the bottom of verse 19 and

whatever Adam

excuse me Adam called every living

creature that was its name verse 20. So

Adam gave names to all the cattle the

birds of the air into every beast of the

field

but for Adam there was not a found a

helper comparable to him as Adam watched

all the animals come he saw Mr and Mrs

orangutan

he saw Mr and Mrs elephant come by

he saw Mr and Mrs blue whale come by

and as he noticed this pattern he

noticed there was a Mr and a missus for

everything except for him he was sitting

there and he was like

man

where's my helper

and the Bible says

in verse 21 and the Lord God caused a

deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept

and he took one of his ribs and closed

up the Flesh in its place

then the rib which the Lord God had

taken from man he made into a woman and

he brought her before the man now I've

got questions about this whole thing

taking a rib

how did God form her from this rib

I wish I could have watched just to see

how God did this

but the long story short and there's a

whole lot of different elements we can

look at and hear God created a companion

comparable to Adam

comparable but different

they didn't have the same of everything

personality viewpoints on anything God

made them comparable but complementary

and that first introduction must have

been amazing because this is the first

that Eve has ever existed Adam's been

naming animals and things Eve hasn't

existed up until this point this is all

new for her Adam has been looking for a

partner

he wakes up from anesthesia

he looks up eyes open and he sees the

most beautiful woman in the world

she's also the only woman in the world

Eve comes into existence

and she must look around and be like

where am I and who am I

and who is this handsome guy

and Jesus is there to introduce the two

of them what was that introduction like

Adam this is Eve Eve this is Adam this

is your home that you'll be living in

I can't help but think that they

probably broke out into maybe a little

bit of a goofy grid

do you remember when you hung out with

your spouse if you're married for the

first time

and you had a little bit of that kind of

giddy feeling you were kind of like ooh

all right I'm not sure if they like me

or not I mean Sparks seemed to be kind

of flying a little bit and wow they're

really good looking and all these

different things are going through your

mind

it must have been something a little bit

like that for Adam and Eve that kind of

just that giddiness

that we experience and it's a little

it's a little risky too you're never

quite sure uh if it's going to be

respond this is this is a first meeting

I can remember back

when my wife Aaron and I had first

started kind of liking each other we

hadn't held hands yet

and if you've ever been the first one to

reach over and hold their hand it's

terrifying

it's extreme extremely scary

and likely if you're to that point

already it's probably going to go well

but you never know in the back of your

mind if you reach over and make make the

grab you know you might think like what

if they just like recoil and be like

what are you doing

you're like uh nothing I just uh saw a

mosquito on your hand sorry and what do

you say

it's scary to try that out and so Aaron

and I were walking I thought all right I

think we're ready uh I'm ready I'm ready

to hold her hand I don't know if she's

ready but you know you got to build up

your confidence to try and and be bold

and make that move it's a little

nerve-wracking got the butterflies in

your stomach and finally I had the

courage we were walking next to each

other from Southern Village over to the

University Church

for vespers

and I thought man I've got to do this

soon because we're almost there and then

it's gonna be too late

and so I was like

okay

gotta get yourself mentally prepared for

this and finally you're walking trying

to play it cool and you're like but

inside you're just tore up right because

you're just so worried about it and

finally you reach over and make the grab

your hands touch and you're like okay

she didn't pull back she didn't pull

away okay her fingers are coming in okay

we're good whoo

but but you don't even like make a look

and be like we good we could say that

you can't say that you just kind of have

to play it off cool just kind of kind of

have to walk like oh yeah no problem no

big deal nope you can't say anything but

it's terrifying but those emotions that

that you felt there had to be a little

bit of that giddiness with Adam and Eve

as they look at each other like wow wow

and Jesus is like guys this is your home

this is your husband

this is your wife

what a moment that must have been

marriage

it's an interesting thing to look at and

you may have been married for a while

now

and you might be tempted from time to

time to think that your marriage was a

disappointment

because in every marriage there's

conflict

there are differences of opinions every

pre-marital counseling session that I go

through with kids I talk to them that

they're getting married I tell them I

say look you are joining two families

together

this family has its traditions and this

family has its Traditions you like doing

things this way you like doing things

this way

what are you going to do when you're

together in a home how are you going to

use your toothpaste

how are you going to put the milk away

in the fridge

because really when we all look at

ourselves we think well my way is

obviously the best

every single one of us think our way is

the best right

but unless there is flexibility

in a marriage there's going to be

endless conflicts I always tell young

couples I say unless you're able to bend

a little bit you're going to break

because there are little little things

that you have to adjust in a marriage

and those things those small little

things like toothpaste can become like

nuclear bombs in a marriage

and sometimes those things can frustrate

and we can be tempted to think maybe

this has been a mistake

you might look at them while they're

sleeping in bed

with their CPAP machine on

for their mouth guard to keep them from

snoring or maybe they're just laying

there snoring and you're like this is

not what we were like when we were

dating

what happened

what happened they might look at you the

same way when you sleep though too so

it's all fair right

but you may come to a point in your

marriage where you're like man what is

it's been a while but we're having

problems

it's not the same as it used to be

friends

marriage is hard work

you have to put time and energy into

your marriage if it's going to last and

be happy you have to invest that time

you have to learn to be humble but the

most important thing is you have to

learn to be close to Jesus

and if you practice treating other

people like Jesus treated them and you

treat your spouse like Jesus treated

people your home is going to be a whole

lot happier

there's a couple of

a couple of quotes I want to share with

you from one of my favorite authors she

says this

the Divine love emanating from Christ

never destroys human love but includes

it

buy it human love is refined and

purified elevated and ennobled human

love can never bear its precious fruit

until it is united with the divine

nature and trained to grow heavenward

look at this last part

Jesus wants to see happy marriages

nobody is cheering for your marriage

more than Jesus

and she continues God wants the home to

be the happiest place on Earth let me

stop there for just a second if your

home isn't the happiest place on earth

I want this to be your challenge for

this week

to sit down with your spouse

and talk about what needs to happen in

order for your home to be the happiest

place on earth

that should be our goal and it may take

a little bit of molding on both sides a

little bit of humility a little bit of

bending and flexibility to get there

but this is what God wants for your

marriage he wants your home to be the

happiest place on earth

oh I forgot to finish it the very symbol

of the home in heaven bearing the

marriage responsibilities in the home

linking their interests with Jesus

Christ leaning upon his arm and his

Assurance husband and wife may share a

happiness in this Union that the angels

of God commit later on in chapter 15 she

says be as true as steel to your

marriage vows

refusing in thought word or deed to

spoil your record as a person who fears

God or honors God and obeys his

Commandments

in chapter 14 there's a really good part

in here as well marriage a union for

life is a symbol of the Union between

Christ and his church

the spirit that Christ manifests towards

his church is the spirit that the

husband and the wife are to manifest

towards each other

if they love God supremely they will

love each other in the Lord ever

treating each other courteously I want

to stop right there and I underline that

part

it's easy to not speak courteously to

your spouse

when there's a disagreement

one of the easiest things to do is to

say the most hurtful thing to the person

you love the most in order to be right

what if in all of our homes everything

we said was courteous and kind how would

that help your home be happier

you would see it results immediately

she continues drawing in even chords in

their mutual self-denial and

self-sacrifice they will be a blessing

to each other

this is a picture

of two people that I loved with all of

my heart this is my grandfather and my

grandmother on my mom's side

and they were married for 62 years

62 years

and I heard different stories throughout

my life of their courtship and what

happened I can remember

my grandmother cute little petite Nana

not on pop is what I called him she was

about this tall

and they were originally from Milwaukee

Wisconsin and she told me I heard this

story many many times when they were in

I believe it was Middle School

they knew each other and she had a crush

on my grandfather

thought he was handsome the most

handsome guy

and they were all a pack of them walking

home from school one day they lived in

the same area

and she said to me she said Jamie we

were walking one time and one time his

hand touched my hand when we were

walking he didn't even mean to I know he

didn't mean to

he was just walking

she felt his hand touched her she said I

didn't sleep for a couple of nights

after that

oh I just said he touched my hand it was

so fun to hear her tell this story

he also later on in life they they

reconnected later he served in World War

II in Europe

and she knew he was deployed and she

decided to write him a letter they

weren't dating or anything she wrote him

a letter that God delivered to his

Foxhole where he was in Germany sitting

in there with his buddy and the letter

came in from Milwaukee Wisconsin from

Florence my grandmother

and she wrote him just a real nice

letter hope everything's going well stay

safe blah blah nothing really juicy or

romantic or anything but just uh hey

you know just I I care about what you're

doing and and best wishes and stay safe

he said to me I heard him tell this

story many times too he he looked at his

buddy in the in the Foxhole right next

to him he took that paper the letter and

he went I'm going to marry that girl

and he came back from the war and he

married my grandmother Florence uh there

in Wisconsin

and they were married for 62 years they

had two daughters one of them is my mom

and the two daughters each had two boys

so my grandfather didn't have any sons

but he had four grandsons and so all

four of us grandsons hung out with him

all the time he loved cars consequently

I love cars because we hung out at car

lots all the time there were car

magazines everywhere and my grandfather

and I were best friends we hung out all

the time

and I remember looking at their life

after they'd both passed away

looking at their life

and thinking to myself

God blessed this marriage

just like it says in the very beginning

God blessed them with two daughters that

they loved with all their heart

they invested their time and their

resources in raising these girls taught

them both about God

and they loved the memories I still get

pictures from my mom of back in the 60s

and 70s when they were together and and

doing family stuff and I see this and I

see this is this is the blessing that

God was talking about

in the marriage relationship and then

and then the grandkids and the great

grandkids and we'd all get together and

we'd play Rook anybody else play Rook

like our family plays Rook for real like

for serious and if you think Rook low is

the way to play Rook you're wrong it's

Rook High

you gotta play Rook High

we play Rook all the time we have so

many fun memories of our family

spending time together

and I think that's a little bit of what

God is talking about in the beginning of

Genesis when he says be fruitful and

multiply and in this is a blessing

this is a blessing that God intended for

us as humans to be able to enjoy

as we live out our time here on Earth

I'm so glad that God

created families

I'm so glad that God set this up so that

we could enjoy the blessing

of marriage and children

grandparents grandkids sisters brothers

those are all blessings

from God

and you might say

well Jamie

maybe I haven't been the best husband or

wife or maybe I've lived a life that has

been outside

of these Garden of Eden

guidelines instructions from God

maybe I haven't lived my life in the

best way that I possibly could

I want to remind you today that God is a

gracious God

will take care of your past

when you confess those sins to him and

he will make sure that your future is

full of blessings

it's one of the most beautiful things

about God

the devil likes to try and remind us of

our shortcomings where we make mistakes

where we haven't done the best

but God is a God who reminds us of our

future and how he will be with us every

step of the way and give us a fresh

start

God gave us these guidelines in

scripture so that we could experience

the most happiness that we possibly

could well in this life

that's why God gives us instructions in

the Bible

he doesn't give us instructions to limit

us

he gives us instructions

so that we can explore and and enjoy

life to the absolute fullest

while we're here on Earth