Practice of Marriage - Marriage series (Sunday School)

OK, OK, so marriage, we're going to continue on today in the

roles and responsibilities of biblical marriage.

We saw, you know, marriage is an institution designed by God

according to his will and for his purposes.

And so we saw that last week as we learned about the theology of

marriages as Eric walked us through that.

Let me, can you get over to my slides?

Oh, you know what, my goodness, do you know the can of that

account? Would you be able to go and try

and jump into that? I'm sorry, guys, I apologize.

Well, maybe you can help him. So I apologize because I do have

some slides for this and hopefully we'll get those up

here in in just a minute. But so we, we saw that that

marriage is an institution designed by God according to his

will and for his purposes as we studied through the theology of

marriage last week. And so therefore we can believe

that God for his own purposes designed us with individual

roles and responsibilities. And that's our goal here today,

to better understand what our individual role is in marriage

and some practical ways to carry out our responsibilities.

But in order to do that, we must understand that there are real

God ordained differences in the roles and responsibilities of

men and women before we can understand what those

differences are. And this gets made into

something complicated in our culture though, because we see

verses like First Corinthians 11/1 through 2, which I don't

have up here, sorry. And and and we find the concepts

in them to be offensive. So First Corinthians 11/1 and

two says, but I want you to understand that the head of

every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the

head of Christ is God. Or in Ephesians 522 we see

passages that say wives, submit to your own husbands as to the

Lord. And those could be troubling to

us from a cultural perspective often, but we got to understand

that it is in no way demeaning or offensive to Jesus that he

would be in submission to the headship of the Father, right?

I think we can all we can all readily agree that that's not

offensive to Jesus and it doesn't bother us as Christians

that the head of every man is Christ, right?

Likewise, it is not Hey, look at that.

Thank you. Likewise, it is not offensive to

the wife to be in submission to the husband.

But what does that what does that mean for us?

There's those there's those passages that I was that I was

just sharing. So what does that mean?

Well, in the creation account, headship was established even

before Eve was created. And we know that because we see

in in scripture that that that God gave Adam his role and

responsibility and only then pointed out that Adam was

incomplete without his helper, right without without Eve.

So that headship is a result of the created order, not because

men are better. Now this is this is pointed out

in another one of those those verses that is often taken out

of context to rile people up. And you know, Paul tells us in

in first Timothy 212 through 13. It says I do not permit a woman

to teach or to exercise authority over a man.

Rather, she is to remain quiet for Adam was formed first, then

Eve see that headship is proven through the fall, but it is not

a result of it. Often the thought the the

thought is that that Paul wrote this to explain that that women

are are being punished by having their ability to lead removed

for their role in the first sin, rather than understanding that

mankind is being punished because of the failure of Adam.

Paul is not saying that women are restricted because of Eve's

actions. He's reminding us that men still

maintain their original responsibility despite Adam's

inaction. But the fall distorted the

relationships between men and women in the home.

The husband's loving, humble headship tends to be replaced by

either domination or passivity, and the wife's intelligent,

willing submission tends to be replaced by by either usurpation

or servility. And we see this in the church as

well, where sin inclines men towards a worldly love of power

or an abdication of spiritual responsibility, and it inclines

women to resist limitations on their role or to neglect the use

of their gift, inappropriate ministries altogether.

In Genesis 1, as we go through the 1st week of creation, we see

this familiar phrase. Throughout it God saw that it

was good. Right on the 6th day after

creating the animals, we see that phrase again.

God saw that it was that it was good.

Only after that does God create man in his own image.

And in Genesis 218 it says then the Lord God said it is not good

that the man should be alone. I will make I will make him a

helper fit for him after God brings Adam and Eve together in

marriage in in Genesis one verse 31, it says and God saw

everything that he had made and behold, it was very good.

So we could certainly take from that that our creator intended

for marriage to be the norm because it is very good.

So if God's model for life was for a man and woman to be

married, it stands for reason that he would of course own and

and and maintain the creative liberty to as the author and the

artist to delineate roles for each part of that marriage

relationship, Right. In fact, when we look at that

Genesis 218 verse, we see that there's there's an implied

physicality to to this with the word fit, a synergy that's both

physical and relational. The ESV commentary as I was

reading it, it said, let me look at this.

It says the term does not imply that the helper is either

stronger or weaker than the one helped fit for him or matching

him as it's as it's written in some translations is not the

same as like him. A wife is not her husband's

clone, but compliments him. Erica was telling us last week

about the word complimentarian, how that's, that's a version of

the word complete, right? Not compliment, like, hey, your

hair looks nice. So if you imagine, you know, if

you've played the game Tetris or if you've put together, you

know, a jigsaw puzzle, there are parts and pieces of of equal

value that fit together. And each one is just as

important as the next. But it feel, you know, it, it

fits in a different place. It feels a different role last

week, one of the things that he mentioned in his lesson, he

walked through just briefly through Ecclesiastes 4.

And in that passage we see these these phrases 2 are better than

one for if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.

If two lie together, they keep warm, right?

And then at the end, it's buttoned up with a three fold

cord is not quickly broken. So when we see that, we can

understand that each of us at certain times is the one with

the strength and capability to keep us upright as a couple, all

the while being fully dependent on God.

Guys, that means that you are occasionally weaker than your

spouse, right? More to the point, occasionally

your spouse is stronger and better suited to a task than you

are. OK, so if God designed specific

roles for husbands and wives, then what do they what do they

look like? Well, one of the often the

discussion that the God would ordain specific roles for

husbands and, and and specific roles for wives stems from a

preconceived bias of, of complementarianism versus

egalitarianism. Again, Eric mentioned that a bit

last week, and and so the the Council on Biblical Manhood and

Womanhood summarizes complementarian as the viewpoint

that God restricts women from serving in certain church

leadership roles and instead calls women to serve an equally

important but complementary roles.

This view believes in the essential equality of men and

women as persons, right as human beings created in God's image.

But complementarians hold to gender distinctions when it

comes to functional roles in society, in the church, and in

the home. It's important to understand as

well that we we don't recognize a separation of those

distinctions between the family and the church because God's

order for the church is based off of his design for the

family. So the a a a similar summary by

Christians for biblical equalityinternational.org is

egalitarianism is the viewpoint that there are no biblical

gender based distinctions or restrictions on ministry in the

church. Basically, that position holds

it the the belief that there are no gender distinctions in this

since we are all one in Christ, women and men are

interchangeable when it comes to functional roles in leadership

and in the and in the household. This is a a position that our

culture has taken up vehemently over recent decades.

So with both positions claiming to be biblically based, it's

crucially important to learn what exactly the Bible does say

on the issues of complementarianism versus

egalitarianism. And as much as I would love to

dig into that more today, specifically what those about

those those studies we're going to we're going to primarily look

at the roles and responsibilities and see as they

yes. The egalitarianism, yeah.

So you would see this with the the Episcopal Church, for

example, right? Probably a Christian Church that

has a, you know, rainbow flag in front of it is probably going to

be a staunch, A staunch egalitarian.

You know, So Full disclosure, as we, as we continue on, when

presented with these two potential options, I believe

that Scripture is clear that there are distinctions in our

roles and responsibilities as husbands and wives and that

there are plainly restrictions placed on how those roles

participate in ministry both in the home and in the church.

So yes, I believe that the Bible supports complementarianism and

when it comes to leadership in the, in the family and then in

the church, this is actually this, this actually comes from

our distinctives as a, as a church.

And I don't have time to go through all of this, but this

will, you know, this is available that you can see our,

our complementarian position here as a, as a body of

believer. So if there are distinct and

different roles and responsibilities that

demonstrate and maintain equal dignity and value, what do they

look like? So let's look at some of these

specifically. Now, obviously there's lots of

roles for for husbands and for wives.

And I don't have time to go through all of that.

And so with each of these, I've just listed off a few of these.

And so first with husbands, I've got these three places, a

prophet, priest, and protector. Now that might sound a little

bit familiar. Prophet, priest and king was for

a lot of the guys in the room in both of our men's groups a

couple months ago, went through this book together from Joel

Beekey, How to lead your family. And that was one of the things

that we we we all saw in this, that that he laid out these

three roles, specifically prophet, priest and king,

prophet, priest and and protector.

So let's let's go through these. The the first one is the the

role of of prophet and Ephesians 5 verses 25 and 26.

Ephesians 5:25

It says husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and

gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, having

cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.

Now we shouldn't make the mistake of misunderstanding the

grammar here. It's not it's not the husband

that sanctifies or cleanses the wife.

The man is called to sacrifice himself or his wife like Christ

did for his bride, the church. But in that passage, 5 verses

later, Paul goes back and quotes Genesis 2 that that phrase, the

two shall become one flesh, right?

That is a quote that that Paul uses as he's talking about men

and and their roles here as the prophet, as the spiritual

leader. It's a it's a quote from before

sin. It's a quote from before Adam

failed as the spiritual leader of the family.

So Paul is is pointing men back to remember their original role

as the spiritual leader. Another passage to to see this

responsibility laid out for men. It specifically says fathers

here, not husbands, but it it makes the same point in

Ephesians 6, verse 4. It says, fathers, do not provoke

Ephesians 6:4

your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline

and instruction of the Lord, right.

It's another example of the responsibility to be the

spiritual leader of the home. We and and we do that by

proclaiming to to them the word of God.

We do that by studying the practical application of

Scripture and setting an example in our behavior that we see in

Jesus. Yes.

Partly, but I mean, so, so partly that's, I mean, that's

where I'm going here is our, our role as husbands is, is to be

the, the shepherds of our, of our family, right?

That word shepherd. So it's the word, it's the same

word as as pastor, as as elder, right?

So a husband and father's position is also to fulfill that

thing. Part of our role as pastors is

to proclaim the gospel, right? What we do is we let our kids

know this is the word of God. This is what the word of God

says, right? We want them to understand that

through our through our, our position and that job, that job

of shepherd comes with specific qualifications.

We see that in Titus chapter 1. And guys, maybe you've seen that

Titus 1 · chapter mention

passage, Titus chapter 1, verses 5 through 9.

Titus 1:5–9

I don't think I have that as a, as a slide here.

No, I don't. But you've, you've probably seen

that because we've talked about it when we've, you've brought

elders on, we've talked about it.

We we went through that. Eric did a great thing at the

very beginning of our Philippians series when when he

talked about this and we looked at these qualifications.

Sometimes though, we've seen those and we've kind of brushed

them off because they're written specifically to the shepherds of

the church, which is true. But you don't get a pass on

this. They are the qualifications for

shepherds of the of the family as well.

Let me let me move on to the second one, which is the role of

of priest to to sacrifice to intercede for our families.

In first Peter 2 verse 5, it says you yourselves, like living

1 Peter 2:5

stones, are being built up as a spiritual house to be a holy

priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God

through Jesus Christ. And then in Hebrews 5 verses one

through 3, it says for every high priest chosen from among

men is appointed to act on behalf of men in relation to

God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins.

He can deal gently with the ignorant and wayward, since he

himself is beset with weaknesses.

Because of this, he's obligated to offer sacrifices for his own

sins, just as he does for those of the people.

Now that those words, they're ignorant and wayward, that that

means the word wayward. It's also the word deceived.

Those kind of, they might seem like harsh words to, you know,

to see in here, but it's the same way that it's the same way

that Eve is described as being deceived right by by Paul.

And so, yeah, it can be kind of offensive to see that, but

that's the words that, you know, that that the Bible uses.

Jesus was the true high priest in whom we have as an example.

Our job is to, on behalf of those less capable, act in their

best interest, sacrificing for them.

Hear me on this when I say less capable, that's not a dig at the

intelligence or capability of our wives, right?

That that's that's not what it is.

But our job is to be out front studying and and taking them

through these and helping them to have understanding as well.

In Ephesians 525 says husbands love your wives as Christ loved

the church and gave himself up for her.

So you guys, we sacrifice for our wives by providing for them

in in Genesis 2, before Eve was created, God set man about

working the garden. Now in society, we sometimes get

after men because of their tendency to want to, to work.

Working is is not the problem. Our our work is not by itself a

hindrance to our responsibilities to God or to

our family. It it, it, it becomes that

though, when we idolize our work or the recognition for our work,

that that becomes sinfully problematic.

And I don't I honestly don't think that that this concept of

sacrifice. I don't think that it's hard to

grasp in theory for most men. I think most husbands believe to

their core that they would, you know, take a bullet for their

wife and kids. The struggle isn't it isn't

really with the physical danger. It's most often manifest in the

sacrificing of of the will of our our preferences, of our

priorities, of our dreams, our wants.

Those are often the places where our selfishness can become

problematic. We're usually OK doing the, the

heavy lifting, you know, catching the, the snake in the

yard or, or doing those kind of things because we recognize that

we are generally stronger and, and perhaps more capable of, of

dealing with those kinds of things.

But in, in second Peter, or excuse me, in first Peter two,

he tells us to live with your wives in an understanding way.

He goes on and says, giving honor to the woman as the weaker

vessel, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

Right, he's he he's, he's explaining here something that

we can readily accept when he's talking about the weaker vessel

there, he's actually talking about her physical strength, her

that that her body is not as strong possibly.

But he's not talking about the the vessel means the outside,

right? We're talking about that.

He's not he's not saying that she's weaker as a as a as a

person, right, But he says so that your prayers may not be

hindered. See, he's telling us guys to

recognize the order of things. You're stronger, so you do these

things. And then he says so that your

prayers will not be hindered. See, as priest, you're also able

to intercede for your wife and kids out of reverence and godly

fear. The single greatest thing that

we can do for our families is to go directly to God on their

behalf. What a shame it would be to have

the ear of the King of Kings and not be continuously advocating

to him on their behalf. An advocate is a person who

comes to our aid or pleads our case to a judge.

Advocates offer support, strength and counsel and

intercede for us when necessary. What a blessing we have as

husbands and fathers to be able to go straight to God on behalf

of our families. All right role #3 that we see is

is protector. Sorry, I didn't I didn't follow

through with those other slides in in this book from Joel Beeke,

he says, he says husbands and fathers must be kings like

Jesus, humble servant kings who wield authority for the good of

others. And husbands must provide their

wives with biblical tender and clear servant leadership, not

ruthless authoritarianism. And then he final he he he

continues on and says Jesus serves as king of his people by

ruling over us with justice and destroying our enemies with his

might. So what we can take from that is

our responsibilities to be both administrator of justice and

defender from danger. Isaiah, I have Isaiah there.

Isaiah 117 there says learn to do good, learn to do good, seek

justice, correct oppression, bring justice to the fatherless,

plead the widow's 'cause we should seek justice.

And we can't separate that responsibility from our marital

role. Because in that passage right

there, it actually tells us to step into the the husband and

father role for those who don't have that person in their lives

fulfilling that responsibility. In fact, in First Timothy 5/8 it

says if anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially

for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse

than an unbeliever. We can certainly use this verse

to strengthen the provider responsibility as a a priest in

the home, but there is no way to overlook providing protection to

those closest to you as a mandatory assignment.

These verses are are not not passive right.

Isaiah does not say speak up about oppression or or call

someone else to come fulfill the obligation.

He says he he well, he he doesn't, but in in you know,

elsewhere in scripture, it says be watchful, stand firm in the

faith, act like men, be strong right First Peter 37 says

likewise. I I just mentioned this a minute

ago. Husbands, live with your wives

in an understanding way. Show honor to the woman as the

weaker vessel. So again, that is not a a slight

on her skill or potential, but a straightforward reality that

that we are to be the protector in Second Samuel.

I don't have it. I apologize.

I messed up with some of these. In Second Samuel 8, there's an

example of God's establishment of a king, right?

And it says, and David made a name for himself when he

returned from striking down 18,000 Edomites in the Valley of

Salt. Then he put Garrison's in Edom.

Throughout all Edom, he put garrisons and all the Edomites

became David's servants. And the Lord gave victory to

David wherever he went. So David reigned over all Israel

and David administered justice and equality to all his people.

Well, let's be real. There's a, there's a certain

relational danger zone that we step into when we try to

establish that we are king of the castle, right?

The reason for this is that we have we have established this

dynamic poorly throughout human history and still though there

is a real authority established for men in the family from

creation. Wives are are no more to be Co

providers and Co protectors with their husbands than the churches

that have such joint roles with Christ.

That's a hard thing for us to to listen to and to accept, but

that's the way they they got designed.

It let me jump into looking at, at at wives.

We again, we see a couple of roles.

There's lots of roles, lots of responsibilities for, for

biblical wives. Here we we're going to look at 3

specifically. The first one is a being a child

of God through faith. Galatians 328.

This is one of those passages. Well, let me just read it.

It says there is neither Jew nor Greek, there's neither slave nor

free, There's no male and female, for you are all one in

Christ. So although this verse doesn't

exactly lay out a role specific to women, it's an important part

of defining the roles within biblical marriage.

This verse is this is the primary verse that's used to

promote egalitarianism or or or sameness.

That only works if you ignore the context around this verse.

See, this is about equal value and dignity in the sight of of

God, not of equal responsibility.

What this verse is saying is that because the Greek, because

the slave, because the female is in Christ, they are no longer

able to be considered anything lesser.

All Christians having been adopted into God's family, now

enjoy all the privileges, obligations and inheritance

rights of His children. Genesis 127 and 28 says so God

created man in his own image, in the image of God.

He created him, male and female. He created them and God blessed

them and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply and fill

the earth and subdue it. The primary purpose for marriage

that we find in Scripture are are procreation to spread the

image of God throughout the earth and illustration to

exemplify in the everyday the relationship Jesus desires with

his church. Adam was created in God's image,

but he could not populate the earth alone alone, nor could

anyone else learn about God from Adam's interactions.

An example. So Eve was given and marriage

was created to accomplish this goal.

And God gave each of the parties involved specific roles and

responsibilities to help each other carry out that task.

She was created to be a disciple and to accommodate making more

disciples. Second role is counselor to be a

supporter, to be a a helper. The the the foremost role of

woman in the in the Bible is out of a wife.

She is a a companion who supports her husband, enriches

his life and brings him joy and and pleasure.

And equally defining role of women in the Bible is

childbearer or mother. As we saw back in Genesis 2,

Genesis 2:18

verse 18, Eve was custom made to be Adam's corresponding

opposite, not as something less, but as something that he was

missing. So you know, pardon my

generalization here, but I, I really wish that I, I wish that

women in our world would would focus more on the beauty of this

dynamic as God gave to them than to see it through the evil eyes

of the world that have convinced so many of them that it's a

prison. Now men have a long history of

screwing things up, but I believe that most men understand

how precious and and valuable a woman is that truly takes joy in

her God-given role as wife and mother.

In fact, in Proverbs 18, of course I don't have it.

I apologize guys. Proverbs 18 verse 22, it says he

Proverbs 18:22

who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the

Lord. So when we when we see that

passage here, the the man is missing something and finds it

right? He who finds a wife finds a good

thing. This verse prompts us to look

back at Genesis 2 when Adam was missing something and after God

provided it, then he says it's very good.

It's a straightforward reminder that the role of helper is not

an inferior or second rate role. So, so often these days,

feminism has usurped the value from this role for women.

It has. It has forcibly taken away the

ability to see fulfilment and gratification in being a helper

in being the answer to Adam's problem.

Interestingly, in in first Peter 3 verses one and two, he

explains something about the the roles of the role of wives that

again it you know the reality is that it runs head on into the

feminist agenda for women. It says likewise wives be

subject to your own husband's so that even if some do not obey

the word, they may be 1 without word by the conduct of their

wives when they see you, your respectful and pure conduct.

Peter is saying here's what your role and responsibility is and

here's why you do it to help and support your husband and he goes

a bit further and explains more practically what that looks

like. It's still in first Peter 3

1 Peter 3:3–5

verses 3 through 5. He says do not let your adorning

be external, the braiding of hair and the pudding on a gold

jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be

hidden. Be the hidden person of the

heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet

spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

For this is how holy women who hoped in God used to adorn

themselves by submitting to their own husbands.

Now we should understand that Peter isn't prohibiting fancy

hair or jewelry, right? But he he is saying do not let

that be where your focus is. Do not put more time and effort

into those trivial and unimportant things than you do

into being a a godly woman. God designed wives to support

their husbands in their pursuit of godliness and to serve as

counselor to that end out. Outside of your relationship

with with God, your primary focus should be on helping your

husband accomplish the family mission, glorifying God by

living as Christ followers, raising godly children and

loving your neighbors. The third role here that we're

going to look at is is that of caretaker or steward or or

organizer. Now Proverbs 31 is often

considered sort of a cliched study for Christian women.

And I'll just tell you as pastor, I've I've even found

myself feeling occasionally frustrated at the amount of of

women's ministry resources that focus on this one chapter when

women are just as as capable of benefiting from theological

study as you know of the rest of Scripture as men are.

But this section of Scripture is profound blueprint for wives in

the in the chapter. It starts out if you've not read

it before, it starts out with with Lenuels mother warning him

that being involved with women outside of a biblical marriage

is dangerous to him and potentially destructive to the

entire empire. She's not a woman.

That woman is not someone who takes care, but someone who does

the opposite. But then it goes on to describe

what the subheading, at least in the in the ESV of this section

of Scripture calls the woman who fears the Lord.

And in Proverbs 3110, it says an excellent wife who can find she

is far more precious than jewels.

And then in just a a couple verses later, starting in verse

13 to 18, it says she seeks wool and flax and works with willing

hands. She is like the ships of the

merchant. She brings her food from afar.

She rise, she rises while it is yet night and provides food for

her household and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it with the fruit of her hands.

She plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with

strength and makes her arm strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

A godly wife maintains the order of His of of the His Kingdom.

Through her natural gifting, she makes life happen.

She would be the logistics Sergeant in the, you know, in

the Army that makes life continue on.

I, you know, I make sure that we have emergency kits in our, in

all of our vehicles and their home is protected.

And you know, that we have enough WD40 and duct tape to, to

fix whatever breaks. But, but my wife, my wife keeps

track of, of, of things like how much soap and toilet paper is in

the house. And she knows, she knows what's

coming out of our checking account this week.

She makes her she makes sure her lamps don't go out at night.

She fills in in all the places where I am lacking as if she was

specifically designed that way. Wife that properly submits to

her husband is a steward of the created order.

In that she recognizes the importance of what Paul wrote to

Corinth in in first Corinthians 11 one and two, he said, but I

want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the

head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

The wife, by submitting to her husband has demonstrated that

she seeks God's will above her own because the the the

husband's authority is representative of God's ultimate

authority. When my wife affirms my headship

in the family and willingly endorses the authority God

entrusted to and and bestowed upon me, she might as well be.

She might as well be shouting Amen.

As I stand up at the pulpit and preach that Jesus is my Lord and

King, she's recognizing that order and she's honoring him.

Because if Jesus wasn't our Lord and King, male headship in the

family would only be done through force and compulsion.

There would be no other logical reason or or way for it to be

done Now. Ultimately, as husbands and

wives fulfill these roles and responsibilities that that God

so masterfully designed, we end up honoring Him by fulfilling

His 2 greatest commandments. Love the Lord your God with all

your heart. Submit.

Submission doesn't diminish value but exemplifies mankind's

submission to Christ and fulfills our creative purpose.

In John 6, Jesus told us that the submission was to the will

of God, was was His mission and the second greatest commandment.

Love your neighbor is yourself right?

Sacrifice. Sacrifice doesn't condemn us to

unhappiness or rob us of our potential.

Isaiah 53 tells us that it pleased the Father to sacrifice

Jesus for his children, the family as a whole.

But the biblical marriage is under attack, and it has been

for some time. We hold the line when we put God

at the center of our home and we obediently carry out, carry out

the roles and responsibilities that he gave us.

So let's keep holding that line.