Known & Loved

[SPEAKER_00]: You are listening to audio from Citizens Church located in Plano, Texas for more information about this ministry or to give to this ministry Please visit citizenschurch.com.

[SPEAKER_01]: Good morning.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you have a Bible, we will end up in John 21.

[SPEAKER_01]: But we will be in a lot of places before we get there.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, but if you turn to John 21, I promise you you'll be in the right place eventually.

[SPEAKER_01]: As you're turning there, my name is Jayman.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm one of the pastors here.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you're visiting citizens, it's an honor to have you worshiping with us.

[SPEAKER_01]: I had the joy of being with our students this past week at Getaway.

[SPEAKER_01]: Getaway is what we call our student camp.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the theme of the week was a known and loved.

[SPEAKER_01]: And what we did was we trace that theme through the life of Peter.

[SPEAKER_01]: We looked at a different part of his life each night.

[SPEAKER_01]: His conversion, his denial, and then his restoration in John 21.

[SPEAKER_01]: And if you've been around here for...

[SPEAKER_01]: any length of time.

[SPEAKER_01]: You've likely heard me preach passages from the life of Peter.

[SPEAKER_01]: These passages from the life of Peter.

[SPEAKER_01]: We spent two weeks on it in our friend of sinners series a few years ago.

[SPEAKER_01]: As recently as last March we were in John 21 for a bit and here's why Jesus is

[SPEAKER_01]: Grace extending shame-canceling conversation with Peter is just one of the most precious passages in all the scripture to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I was zealous for our students.

[SPEAKER_01]: I asked to be able to teach a student camp this year and I wanted to teach these passages this year because I was zealous for our students sixth grade through 12th grade to just see Jesus in this way and to see him as a savior who does not just forgive our sin and

[SPEAKER_01]: And he does not just forgive what we have done, but Jesus changes who we are.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I know so many of them, like you remember what it was like to be that age, but you don't remember what it was like to be that age living in this world.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so many of them living under the weight and pressure and expectation in this lie that to be loved, you have to be perfect and impressive and exceptional.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so my hope,

[SPEAKER_01]: was that that would, they would believe that the same Jesus who met Peter will meet them and will lift their burden and will love them and change them.

[SPEAKER_01]: And, you know, something happened to my own heart this week.

[SPEAKER_01]: It wasn't surprising, it won't surprise you.

[SPEAKER_01]: But what I was so desperate for our students to hear, I just needed for my own soul.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I wonder if you do too.

[SPEAKER_01]: So we were supposed to jump into second John this morning, but instead, I want to consider together with the students heard this past week.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's very much in keeping with a blessed assurance theology and message.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's just a different part of scripture.

[SPEAKER_01]: And in parents, as just kind of an aside, if your student went to get away this morning, what I hope to do is just give you some shared language to be able to lead them and process with them.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like, if you've tried to do that so far, and you're like, hey, how was it?

[SPEAKER_01]: And I like good?

[SPEAKER_01]: And they just get kind of.

[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you could ask some more specific follow-up questions after this morning.

[SPEAKER_01]: So Matthew 2630 is where we'll start.

[SPEAKER_01]: All of these passages will be on the screen behind me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Give me some time to tell Peter's story so that this makes sense.

[SPEAKER_01]: Matthew 2630, and when they had sung to him, they went out to the Mount of Olives.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then Jesus said to them, you will all fall away because of me this night.

[SPEAKER_01]: For it is written, I will strike the shepherd and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.

[SPEAKER_01]: But after I'm raised up, I will go before you to Galilee.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is Jesus and 11 of his disciples.

[SPEAKER_01]: They'd already had the Lord's supper together.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus breaks bread.

[SPEAKER_01]: He offers the wine and then Judas in the middle of that dinner leaves to betray Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so the 11 disciples and Jesus walked to the garden of Gassimony.

[SPEAKER_01]: And in the garden, Jesus says, you will all

[SPEAKER_01]: fall away from me this night, they will come from me and when they do, you will all run, you will not stay by my side, you will run for your life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter answered him, though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.

[SPEAKER_01]: Three years before this moment, Jesus in Peter have a meaningful interaction.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's kind of Peter's conversion moment.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus borrow Peter's boat on the Sea of Galilee.

[SPEAKER_01]: They did not know each other well at that time.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter had fished on night and caught nothing, and Jesus tells him to try again, and so they try again in the middle of the day.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they catch so many fish that their boats start sinking, and so Peter, in response to that demonstration of Jesus' power and authority, he falls on his knees in the middle of the boat, and he says, depart from me, I'm a sinful man, and Jesus says, do not be afraid from now on.

[SPEAKER_01]: You'll be catching people.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's his conversion moment.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's the beginning of their relationship.

[SPEAKER_01]: And since that moment, Peter had not departed from Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: Every single day of his life for three years, he had been with Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: And in those three years, Peter had literally made a name for himself.

[SPEAKER_01]: He is the most prominent of all of Jesus' disciples.

[SPEAKER_01]: I asked the students if someone asked you to name the 12 disciples from memory, who's the first name that comes to mind, and one student yelled out, Matthew, but he only said that because he knew I expected them to say Peter, because everybody thinks Peter, Peter is who comes to mind.

[SPEAKER_01]: James and John, but Peter's the top of the list.

[SPEAKER_01]: In his three years, he's had these high moments with Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: He confessed the first one.

[SPEAKER_01]: to confess that Jesus is the Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: He goes with Jesus to see him transfigured on the mountain.

[SPEAKER_01]: He walks on water, he doesn't do it for long, but none of the other disciples tried.

[SPEAKER_01]: Even his name is a signal of his importance to Jesus and to Jesus's mission and to Jesus's ministry.

[SPEAKER_01]: His birth name is Simon.

[SPEAKER_01]: But Jesus changes his name from Simon to Peter and gives him a ministry name.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter on this rock, I will build my church.

[SPEAKER_01]: He is part of an inner circle of disciples, but even among those inner circle, he gets things that nobody else does.

[SPEAKER_01]: He is a disciple in a class of his own.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's a really big deal.

[SPEAKER_01]: So in Jesus says you will all fall away because of me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter reaches into his three years with Christ and all that he's done.

[SPEAKER_01]: and how deep and thick and rich his spiritual resume is.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he says, though they all fall away because of you, I will never fall away.

[SPEAKER_01]: They might be the kind of disciple who leaves you, but I'm the kind of disciple who stays when all the other disciples leave.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's who I am, I'm Peter.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so Jesus said to him, truly, I tell you this very night, before the rooster grows, you will deny me three times.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, it was already night, so what Jesus is saying is in a few hours.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not only will you run, like everyone else, but you will deny me with your words.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not only will you deny me once, you'll deny me three times.

[SPEAKER_01]: So then Peter levels up.

[SPEAKER_01]: Even if I must die with you, I will not deny you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not only will I not run from you, and not only will I not deny you with my words, but if you die, I will die with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because this is who he thought he was.

[SPEAKER_01]: The one who fell at Jesus' feet and called him Lord and the one who first confessed that Jesus is the Christ and the one who got out of the boat and walked on water and the one who saw Jesus's glory on the mountain, the only one.

[SPEAKER_01]: who got a new name just for following Jesus because his ministry is going to be so important to Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: That must mean that I'm the kind of man who dies a courageous death when everyone else runs in fear.

[SPEAKER_01]: Luke 22 vs 54.

[SPEAKER_01]: It will be on the screen behind me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then they seized him and let him away bringing him into the high pre-south, and Peter was following at a distance.

[SPEAKER_01]: And when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat down among them.

[SPEAKER_01]: So, Peter's following as Jesus has arrested and he follows from a distance and he makes into the courtyard and he can see Jesus on trial with the high priest soldiers.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's cold, they light a fire.

[SPEAKER_01]: John tells us it's a charcoal fire.

[SPEAKER_01]: We'll see that again, it's that word is only used two times in all of the New Testament.

[SPEAKER_01]: Then a servant girl, seeing him as he sat in the light, and looking closely at him said, this man also was with him.

[SPEAKER_01]: But Peter denied it, saying, woman, I do not know him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And a little later someone else saw him and said, you also are one of them, but Peter said, man, I am not.

[SPEAKER_01]: And after an interval of about an hour, hit an hour to think about it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Still another existed saying certainly this man was also with him for he too is a Galilean but Peter said man I do not know what you're talking about and immediately while he was still speaking the rooster crowed and the Lord turned and looked at Peter and Peter remembered the saying of the Lord how he had said to him before the rooster crowed today you will deny me three times and he went out and leapt bitterly.

[SPEAKER_01]: If I have to die, I will not deny you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And just a few hours later, while Jesus is on trial, beaten, falsely accused, Peter is also on trial, and what he's accused of is true.

[SPEAKER_01]: He is a disciple, he is a follower, and a little bit of cold, and a couple questions from a servant, and then the one who said, I will never fall away, says, I don't know him, I don't know him, I don't know him.

[SPEAKER_00]: I see myself.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've never stood around a charcoal fire and denied Jesus three times.

[SPEAKER_01]: I haven't ever done that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know what it's like to not be who I thought I would be, especially in the ways that matter most in life.

[SPEAKER_01]: I turned 39 in a few weeks, and if you had asked me at 29, what do you think you'll be like at 39?

[SPEAKER_01]: And then you were to tell me that at 39, I mean, I'm pastor and father and husband and friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: And stuff had 10 more years to just grow and mature.

[SPEAKER_01]: I would have told you, oh, that guy just praise all the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that guy never struggles with sin.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that guy doesn't care what people think about him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that guy's confident in his gifts.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he's got most of the Bible memorized.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he never loses his temper or feels sad for no reason.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he has a single-minded desire for Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he doesn't have a little back pain.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've got a few days left until 39, but it's not looking good.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's not who I am.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't pray all the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you were to listen in on my private prayers with God, you would probably think, wow, that's just pretty elementary.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's just pretty simple basic stuff.

[SPEAKER_01]: I send in ways that I send in ways that I send 20 years ago.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can be easily offended and easily angered.

[SPEAKER_01]: My desires are duplicitous.

[SPEAKER_01]: My back hurts right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not who I should be.

[SPEAKER_01]: One of the most disappointing things I've experienced in life is how incapable I am of meeting my own expectations for my life, much less gods.

[SPEAKER_01]: And what Peter discovered around that charcoal

[SPEAKER_01]: And I've discovered that same thing about me, unfortunately, if I have to die with you, I will not deny you, that's who you should be.

[SPEAKER_01]: I do not know him, I do not know him, I do not know him, that's who he actually was.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we can all see ourselves in that, if we have eyes to see, for self-reflective and honest, or not who we should be, and how Peter responds as how many of us respond.

[SPEAKER_01]: I wanna show you this in hopes that it helps you name it in your own life.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have a slide to show you, just, I show this to the students, and I just called it a cycle of shame.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should, I try, I fail, I hide, I should, I try, I fail, I hide.

[SPEAKER_01]: If we were to lay this over Peter's story, I should be willing to die for Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should be the kind of Manage State's faithful.

[SPEAKER_01]: I try, follow him from a distance, stand by charcoal fire, do my best, I fail.

[SPEAKER_01]: I do not know him, I do not know him, I do not know him, I hide.

[SPEAKER_01]: He and Jesus make eye contact, and it says he went out and wept bitterly, it means he isolates.

[SPEAKER_01]: He ran out all by himself.

[SPEAKER_01]: I wonder if you'd consider what this looks like in your life.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should, you have an image of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: You have an image, it's an image of who you wish you were, it's an image of who you're trying to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's some sort of future self for trying to live into.

[SPEAKER_01]: And for many people, this applies to lots of areas of their lives.

[SPEAKER_01]: So there are a lot of people that are not in church today.

[SPEAKER_01]: They don't believe what you and I believe about God and about Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they also do this.

[SPEAKER_01]: They have this should that hovers over their life.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so there are some more serious things and some more superficial.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it's physical.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should look a certain way.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should have a certain kind of body.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should look younger or more fit or more attractive.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's achievement.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should be further along in my career.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should have better grades.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should be married by now or have kids by now.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should have reached a certain standard of life by now.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's relationships.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's like who we are to those around us.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should be a good dad.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should be a loving wife.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should be a present, loyal friend.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should be a hospitable roommate.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's spiritual.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this is the most important one because you and I were both made for life with God.

[SPEAKER_01]: And for Peter who he wanted to be was all about his relationship to Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should love him enough to die for him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so for us it's I should be a good Christian.

[SPEAKER_01]: part of why you're here, likely, is because you want to be a good Christian.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should hate sin and love his commandments.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should float into church on a Sunday morning, ready to sing the songs, even if I don't know them and ready to hear the sermon, even if it's a bit boring.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then I should live out my faith on Monday, no different than I did on a Sunday, and I should be over this addiction, and I should be confident in the Lord and not crippled with anxiety, and I should be godly and patient and joyful and generous.

[SPEAKER_01]: I try, it takes effort to follow Jesus and live a consequential life.

[SPEAKER_01]: We've talked about this, no one stumbles into a faithful life without discipline and without holy habits.

[SPEAKER_01]: So what I don't mean by try is I'm not talking about grace-driven effort.

[SPEAKER_01]: This stuck out to me about Peter, and maybe for the first time.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus says, Peter, you will deny me three times.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter is in the presence.

[SPEAKER_01]: He spent three years with Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's in the presence of a man, who he has seen raised people to life and walk on water and calm a storm and give sight to the blind.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he has literally, Peter has literally seen Jesus' divine glory unveiled in front of him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And when Jesus says, you will deny me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter knowing who Jesus is, knowing what he's capable of, does not ask for help.

[SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't say, Jesus, you can do anything.

[SPEAKER_01]: Call him storm, heal the blind, raise the dead, you can do anything.

[SPEAKER_01]: Help me not deny you.

[SPEAKER_01]: He doesn't say that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Instead, Peter says, I've got it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've got it.

[SPEAKER_01]: We think,

[SPEAKER_01]: We have inside of us what it takes to become who we want to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe the most crippling, paralyzing lie of our part of the world is the lie of self-sufficiency, self-reliance, and self-self-assurance.

[SPEAKER_01]: We have this vision of who we should be, and it's not all wrong, but then we believe that we have within ourselves everything we need to become who we should be.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let me ask it this way.

[SPEAKER_01]: You think about who you should be and so you respond and you ask someone to help you grow.

[SPEAKER_01]: Someone to help you not sin.

[SPEAKER_01]: Someone to help you learn what you don't know.

[SPEAKER_01]: Asking for help means admitting need, admitting need, means admitting weakness and we don't like doing that.

[SPEAKER_01]: So like if your marriage is struggling today, did any part of you come here planning to ask for help?

[SPEAKER_01]: If you're struggling in relationship with God today, having a hard time believing the

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, believing what God says, having a hard time conquering some sort of sin in your life, did any part of you come to church today, planning to ask for help?

[SPEAKER_01]: We pray for people at the front of the room, every single Sunday, there's nothing special about the people praying, but there's something special about the God we're talking to.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do any part of you plan to come and ask for help?

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, this is hardest for?

[SPEAKER_01]: This is hardest often for those who have been following Jesus the longest, especially if we've made a name for ourselves.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a church member, I'm a group leader, I give, I'm here most Sundays, I've gone on mission trips, I'm an elder, I'm on staff.

[SPEAKER_01]: And what we want to believe is that after a certain amount of time.

[SPEAKER_01]: after a certain amount of spiritual resume, when we're known, when people look to us, when people ask us, when people seek out us, we should be able to do this on our own.

[SPEAKER_01]: We no longer need help, we no longer need grace, we no longer need to confess, we've got it.

[SPEAKER_01]: We have everything we need to become who we should be.

[SPEAKER_01]: All I need to do is try, and if that doesn't work, all I need to do is try harder.

[SPEAKER_01]: See this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter's greatest failure came after he met Jesus, not before.

[SPEAKER_01]: After three years of moment by moment time with Jesus and even still, he was not able to rely on himself in the face of temptation.

[SPEAKER_01]: It reminds me of the old Rich Mollon song, oh, we are not as strong as we think we are.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should.

[SPEAKER_01]: I try in my own strength, in my own resources, I fail.

[SPEAKER_01]: There are two ways to fail in this sin.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter failed to be who he should be.

[SPEAKER_01]: He sinned against God.

[SPEAKER_01]: He sinned in the presence of Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: He lied.

[SPEAKER_01]: He should have kept his word.

[SPEAKER_01]: He should not have denied Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: He did not just fail to be who he thought he was.

[SPEAKER_01]: He failed to be who God said he should have been.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's my story.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not who I should be.

[SPEAKER_01]: I failed to be who God has called me to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: As a pastor, as a husband, as a friend, as a human.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's what sin is.

[SPEAKER_01]: Sin is falling short of what it means to be human according to God.

[SPEAKER_01]: But there's also in this perceived failure that I think is important in the name.

[SPEAKER_01]: Where, like, I'm actually doing some good and actually changing in real ways, but it's never enough, and so it feels like failure.

[SPEAKER_01]: In high school, we did this conditioning drill that I hated.

[SPEAKER_01]: We would start on the goal line in coach would put a cone on the 20 yard line and we had to run to the cone and then run back to the goal line like 20 times.

[SPEAKER_01]: But each time we would turn back, he would move the cone back ten yards.

[SPEAKER_01]: So every time we turned around the distance we had to run was further and the effort needed to get there was greater.

[SPEAKER_01]: And for many of us that's what this feels like.

[SPEAKER_01]: Always running after who I should be, but the cone keeps moving.

[SPEAKER_01]: I do some good.

[SPEAKER_01]: I grow in some ways, but it's never enough.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we can do this with trivial things where with essential things.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's never enough money, so I just keep running.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's never a good enough marriage, so I just keep running.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's never a perfect enough life.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's never enough obedience.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's never enough prayer.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's a kind of failure that is self-inflicted and self-educated, where I'm trying, where I'm trying to go, just keeps moving further and further away.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's around this failure.

[SPEAKER_01]: and our perceived failure that shame will turn I should into accusation.

[SPEAKER_01]: You are your worst moment.

[SPEAKER_01]: You are a failing mom, a dad.

[SPEAKER_01]: You are not a real Christian.

[SPEAKER_01]: You are all alone.

[SPEAKER_01]: You are a fraud.

[SPEAKER_01]: You are unlovable and savorable and wantable.

[SPEAKER_01]: And this is who you always will be.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should try, I fail.

[SPEAKER_01]: And for many of us, we hide.

[SPEAKER_01]: Failure drives us into isolation.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter leaves the fire, he goes out alone to despair.

[SPEAKER_01]: And for many of us, maybe it's not that dramatic.

[SPEAKER_01]: We hide by just pretending and not talking about what's actually going on.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's what people can see and then what they can't see.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so we spend all of our energy, perfecting, managing, controlling what they can see, and then hiding what they can't.

[SPEAKER_01]: All of my kids were at campus week.

[SPEAKER_01]: My youngest was with me as my two oldest

[SPEAKER_01]: And at one point, in one of the night sessions, she ran up and she hugged her sister and said something.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was like a sweet moment.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Melissa was there and Melissa saw her and then called her over and Melissa told her, I just love how much you love your brother and your sister.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Ayla looked at her and said, oh, we fight all the time.

[SPEAKER_01]: But thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's funny.

[SPEAKER_01]: because we aren't used to that kind of honesty.

[SPEAKER_01]: At some point we age out of that kind of honesty.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's what you see, the hugging, and then there's what you don't see, the fighting.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's what people see in public, and then there's the reality in the home behind closed doors.

[SPEAKER_01]: And what most of us are content to do is just keep what people don't see behind closed doors.

[SPEAKER_01]: No one can see everything about you.

[SPEAKER_01]: No one knows your thoughts right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: No one knows how much of this connects with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't connect with you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Behind the closed doors are sin and our fear and the awful things I think about myself and think about others, or this past sin that I committed that only I know or this crippling doubt or this hidden addiction.

[SPEAKER_01]: And instead of bringing that into the light, what we settle for is pretending

[SPEAKER_01]: to be who we should be, and then hiding who we actually are.

[SPEAKER_01]: You don't happen after the hiding, you just repeat the cycle.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should, I try, I fail, I hide, and then I discover that hiding works, and so I just should and then try and then fail, and then hide.

[SPEAKER_01]: exhausting, joy-stealing, miserable way to live, and what I told them, tried to cast a vision for their life that if they could break out of a way of living like this.

[SPEAKER_01]: It would just mark their teens and their 20s and their 30s.

[SPEAKER_01]: What I'll tell you, beloved, is it doesn't matter how old you are.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is a joy-stealing, miserable, exhausting way to live, and it is never too late to stop living like this.

[SPEAKER_01]: For some people, this is the only life they know, and they'll live in this for decades.

[SPEAKER_01]: Here's the good news.

[SPEAKER_01]: The good news is this is not how we have to live.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is not where Peter's story ends, and it's not where yours has to be right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: John 21, first forces this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just as day was breaking, Jesus stood on the shore, yet the disciples did not know that it was Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus said to them, children, do you have any fish?

[SPEAKER_01]: They answered him, no.

[SPEAKER_01]: He said to them, cast the net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.

[SPEAKER_01]: So they cast it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And now they were not able to haul it in because the quantity of fish is the same miracle.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's the very first miracle that marked the beginning of Peter and Jesus' relationship.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Jesus recreates that miracle in the exact same place.

[SPEAKER_01]: That disciple, whom Jesus loved, therefore said to Peter, it is the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment for he was stripped for work and threw himself into the sea.

[SPEAKER_01]: The other disciples came in the boat, dragging the net full of fish for they were not far from the land, but about a hundred yards off.

[SPEAKER_01]: When they got out of land, they saw a charcoal fire in place with fish laid out on it in bread.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus said to them, bring some of the fish that you've just caught.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a Simon Peter when aboard and hauled the net ashore full of large fish, 153 of them.

[SPEAKER_01]: And although there were so many, the net was not torn, and Jesus said to them, come and have breakfast.

[SPEAKER_01]: After Peter denies Jesus on that night, Jesus is imprisoned, and then the next day, Jesus is crucified.

[SPEAKER_01]: And what we know now is that he was dying for Peter's sin.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he was dying for my sin, and dying for your sin.

[SPEAKER_01]: But he does not stay dead.

[SPEAKER_01]: He raises to life, and he defeats sin and death.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that changes everything.

[SPEAKER_01]: I cannot overstate the importance of the resurrection, this whole conversation that we read happens in the glorious shadow.

[SPEAKER_01]: of the resurrection.

[SPEAKER_01]: If Jesus stays dead, then Peter's denial is the end of his story.

[SPEAKER_01]: And if Jesus stays dead, then you are still in your sins, and I'm still in my sins, and if Jesus dies, and stays dead, then I should, I try, I fail, I hide, as the absolute best you can do in life.

[SPEAKER_01]: But, in fact, Christ has been raised.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter will write about it years later and he'll say blessed be the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ because of his great mercy.

[SPEAKER_01]: He has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

[SPEAKER_01]: It changes everything and this Jesus who rose has a conversation with Peter that changes Peter's life.

[SPEAKER_01]: They'd seen each other already.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter Saul, Jesus on Easter Sunday, but what Jesus does here is he pursues Peter.

[SPEAKER_01]: He does not leave his failure in the past, same beach where they first met, same miracle that started their relationship, the same kind of fire that was the scene of Peter's denial, the same number of questions.

[SPEAKER_01]: and because of the resurrection, because of Jesus, there's a new way to live, and Jesus invites Peter into that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Since when they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, Simon, Son of John.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do you love me more than these?

[SPEAKER_01]: He said to me, yes Lord, you know that I love you?

[SPEAKER_01]: He said to him, feed my lands.

[SPEAKER_01]: He said to him, a second time, Simon, Son of John, do you love me?

[SPEAKER_01]: And he said to him, yes Lord, you know that I love you?

[SPEAKER_01]: He said to him, tin my sheet.

[SPEAKER_01]: He said in the third time, Simon Son of John, do you love me?

[SPEAKER_01]: And Peter was grieved because he said in the third time, do you love me?

[SPEAKER_01]: And he said to him, Lord, you know everything, you know that I love you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus said to him, feed my sheep truly, truly I say to you and you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you're old, you will stretch out your hands and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.

[SPEAKER_01]: This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.

[SPEAKER_01]: And after saying this, he said to him, follow me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I become.

[SPEAKER_01]: Not I should, I try, I fail, I hide, I am, I trust, I obey, I become.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is the life that Jesus invites Peter into, out of the cycle of sin and shame, and into a cycle, into a life that is dependent on the gospel and voice of Jesus, I am.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am.

[SPEAKER_01]: They eat breakfast in no one's in a hurry.

[SPEAKER_01]: They know what it's like to lose Jesus, and now that he's back, they're just gonna sit where he is.

[SPEAKER_01]: And they eat, and they stay in his presence, and they're done eating, and it's quiet, and Jesus breaks the silence.

[SPEAKER_01]: Simon's son of John.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, who's that?

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, that's who Peter was before Jesus gave him a ministry name.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's the guy from a small town in Galilee, Simon Son of John, who never walked on water or confessed Christ or Saul Jesus transfigured.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's this fisherman who lived with his in-laws who was unknown, unremarkable and unimpressive.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's this name that transported Peter back to the very beginning of his relationship with Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: The student camp was outside of Huntsville, right on 9.45.

[SPEAKER_01]: And to get to Huntsville from here, you have to drive through a small town called Fairfield, Texas.

[SPEAKER_01]: I spent six years of my life there.

[SPEAKER_01]: We moved there when I was in eighth grade, and then I moved away after I graduated high school, and then the year after I graduated my family moved, a year after that.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I never go back.

[SPEAKER_01]: Driving to camps in a night, I passed through Fairfield, and it had been a long time since I had gone.

[SPEAKER_01]: And from the interstate, you can see truck stop that's still there.

[SPEAKER_01]: And from the interstate, you can see the diner where I've got my first job waiting tables.

[SPEAKER_01]: And from the interstate, you can see the farm to market road that goes all the way to the football stadium.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I thought about all the touchdowns I never scored.

[SPEAKER_01]: And just floods of memories come back.

[SPEAKER_01]: good things, things I regret and I just trying to drive and then in my head at the same time I just thought back of who I was then and all that had not happened yet is before I had a Bible degree and before I'd preached any sermons, before I'd counseled married couples or sat with families and hospitals or got married and had my own kids, I was not pastor

[SPEAKER_01]: And just that experience of driving past those exits, transported me back, Simon's son of John, Simon's son of John, Simon's son of John, and Peter's transported back to who he was before he had a name.

[SPEAKER_01]: When all he had was just a ton of need in an honest confession.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's who Jesus wants to talk to.

[SPEAKER_01]: not Peter in his spiritual resume, not Peter, and all of his religious achievement, but Simon, Son of John, and all of his ordinary need.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do you remember who you were when the Lord first saved you?

[SPEAKER_01]: Underneath your spiritual resume, before you did anything good, before you serve the church, before you knew all that you know now, when you were a kid, when you were in college, when you were in rehab, when something in your life made the gospel unignorable, when you had nothing, and Jesus was every thing, and you, for the very first time, turned from yourself and trusted in him.

[SPEAKER_01]: When you were just a sinner in need of grace the very first time the Lord first met you

[SPEAKER_01]: That's who Peter wants to talk to.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's who Jesus wants to talk to.

[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't stop there.

[SPEAKER_01]: Verse 9 tells us that Jesus made a charcoal fire.

[SPEAKER_01]: Only two times that word is used at his denial and then here with Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so at this moment in Peter's life, a charcoal fire is the sight and sound and smell and feel of the worst moment of his life.

[SPEAKER_01]: his greatest sin.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is emblematic of his failure to be who he should be.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Jesus puts it right in the middle of their conversation.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not flippant, it's not happenstance, it's not an accident.

[SPEAKER_01]: Why?

[SPEAKER_01]: He makes this fire.

[SPEAKER_01]: He asks the same question three times.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's taking Peter back to his greatest source of sin and shame.

[SPEAKER_01]: Why?

[SPEAKER_01]: to make fun of him, to accuse him, to embarrass him, to lead him to despair, to make sure he never forgets what he did, no.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's not who Jesus is.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus did not defeat sin and death to become your accuser.

[SPEAKER_01]: He defeated sin and death to become your shame-covering savior.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus takes him back on purpose, but Jesus does not take him back to his worst moment to leave him there.

[SPEAKER_01]: He takes him back to his worst moment to love him there.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because the love of Jesus can go even deeper than the shame of sin.

[SPEAKER_01]: Do not miss the beauty and healing and mercy of our Savior.

[SPEAKER_01]: Simon Son of John, strips him down, nothing to offer.

[SPEAKER_01]: All he has is need.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right in front.

[SPEAKER_01]: of a charcoal fire, his greatest failure.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Christ Jesus scars in his hands, love in his voice stronger than death, rich in mercy, once Peter to know that he is not the good he has done.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he is not the worst he has done.

[SPEAKER_01]: He is who his death defeating Savior has declared him to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he wants you to know that this morning.

[SPEAKER_01]: I should is about a version of me that should exist, but doesn't.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am, is about my present identity, who I am right now.

[SPEAKER_01]: Matt, you should say this way, Jesus does not love a future version of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus does not love the you that gets it right all the time, or the you that will one day make a name for yourself, or the you that will offer future obedience that you're not offering now.

[SPEAKER_01]: He does not love you based on the good you do or will do, and he does not withhold love from the worst version of you.

[SPEAKER_01]: If he sits with Peter in the scene of his denial he sits with you in your worst moments, your secrets, your searches, your hatred and unforgiveness, your filled relationships, your idolatry, whatever charcoal fire failure is in your life.

[SPEAKER_01]: It is in those very places that the risen Christ pledges his love for you, not because you've earned it, but because he freely gives it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so you Christian right now, you can replace your I should with I am.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am loved, I am forgiven, I am known, I am accepted, I am treasured, I am part of God's family, not only I am, but I always will be, I trust, I am, I trust.

[SPEAKER_01]: Peter no longer believes the lie that he has what it takes to become who he should be.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus says, Simon Son of John, do you love me?

[SPEAKER_01]: And Peter says, yes, Lord, I was the first one to call you Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: Simon Son of John, do you love me?

[SPEAKER_01]: And Peter says, the next time the servant asks me, I'm going to say yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: Simon Son of John, do you love me?

[SPEAKER_01]: And Peter says, Lord, I'm going to plan a church in your name and travel the world preaching the gospel.

[SPEAKER_01]: All those are good answers, but all of those answers are also all about Peter.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's already tried that, and he's failed.

[SPEAKER_01]: So he's done trying and now he's trusting.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know that I love you.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know that I love you, and he's emotion of the last time.

[SPEAKER_01]: His eyes water, he sees the flames, but instead of trying to prove, he says, you know everything, you know that I love you.

[SPEAKER_01]: He is not trusting in himself.

[SPEAKER_01]: He is not trying in his own power.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's trusting Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: My voice is not the one that matters most in my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am dependent.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am leaning on Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm done trying.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm trusting you.

[SPEAKER_01]: I need the every hour.

[SPEAKER_01]: Most gracious Lord, no tender voice like vine can peace afford.

[SPEAKER_01]: I need the, oh, I need the every hour, I need the.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am not strong enough to do this on my own.

[SPEAKER_01]: I need help, and I'm trusting what you say, and trusting what you know, and I'm trusting what you've done.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am a trust, I obey.

[SPEAKER_01]: Jesus calls Peter back to ministry, feed my sheep, and Peter goes on to live a life of obedient ministry.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's not perfect, but he's not obeying to try to prove himself.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's obedience out of his identity.

[SPEAKER_01]: The commands of God are for our good.

[SPEAKER_01]: The law of God is for our joy.

[SPEAKER_01]: The words of Christ are to be listened to and obeyed, not to earn, but as a response to.

[SPEAKER_01]: And as we obey, we become who we are.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want to show you one more slide.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is a cross called St. Peter's Cross.

[SPEAKER_01]: And the story behind this cross is the story of Peter's death.

[SPEAKER_01]: When Peter was an old man in his 60s, maybe 70s, it's 30 plus years after this conversation with Jesus on the beach, he's arrested in Rome for preaching the gospel under the orders of Roman Emperor named Neuro.

[SPEAKER_01]: And we don't know all the details, but he is tried again, and a soldier this time, or maybe the emperor himself asked him to deny Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you do not deny Christ, we will kill you.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he refuses.

[SPEAKER_01]: And so they said, we'll crucify you the way we crucify him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And Peter says, I'm not worth it.

[SPEAKER_01]: to die the same way Jesus died.

[SPEAKER_01]: So church historian named you CBS, he writes about it like this.

[SPEAKER_01]: He was crucified, head downward for so he himself had asked to suffer.

[SPEAKER_01]: He says, not only will I not deny him, but if you crucified me, you'll have to flip the cross upside down because I'm not worthy to die the same way my Savior died.

[SPEAKER_01]: Even if he had to die with him, he would not deny him.

[SPEAKER_01]: He became the man he wanted to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: But he did not get there from shame over sin or from fear of failure.

[SPEAKER_01]: He got there because the love of Christ met the deepest places of his heart and life and changed him and sustained him.

[SPEAKER_01]: We need you, I want O God to be committed to a life of cyclical grace.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want O God, just to, I am, I trust, I obey, I become, I just

[SPEAKER_01]: I want that to mark my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: In the life of those here at Citizens God, that we would be a people who takes in seriously yes and take your commands and wear them like badges of honor and glory and joy.

[SPEAKER_01]: but not as an insecure people who are trying to prove ourselves or pretend to be what we're not, that as a people who are so deeply rooted in our gospel identity that we can't help, but become who you've declared us to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: Beloved, would you pray?

[SPEAKER_01]: And would you just name where you are, if there's just, make it very simple.

[SPEAKER_01]: If what's needed this morning is repentance from a way of living.

[SPEAKER_01]: that is marked by shame in hiding and pretending in failing, would you just repent and run to Christ?

[SPEAKER_01]: Would you ask for help if you need help?

[SPEAKER_01]: Not as some sort of admission of failure or weakness.

[SPEAKER_01]: but as an active obedience to say that Christ is better and Jesus is better than the thing I'm pretending to be.

[SPEAKER_01]: Would you in the presence of God remind yourself of your gospel identity?

[SPEAKER_01]: I am loved.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am forgiven.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am his.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am hidden in Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: Love you love you