Sermon

2. Beholding Christ - John 1:6-11

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  1. Turn it in the Scripture to John chapter one.

  2. And this morning, what we're going to look at a few verses,

  3. but we're going to read the context.

  4. And the context is going to be John 1 verses 6 through 15.

    John 1:6–15

  5. And so I'm going to ask you, is you turn in your Bibles,

  6. or your tablet, would you all stand with me in honor of the Scriptures,

  7. in honor of the God who has revealed in the Scriptures.

  8. And in honor of the martyrs who gave their lives so that this book

  9. could be placed in our hands.

  10. There was a man sent from God whose name was John.

  11. He came as a witness to testify about the light,

  12. so that all might believe through him.

  13. He was not the light, but he came to testify about the light.

  14. The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world.

  15. He was not in the world, and he was in the world,

  16. and the world was created through him.

  17. And yet the world did not recognize him.

  18. He came to his own and his own people did not receive him.

  19. But to all who did receive him, he gave them the right to be children of God,

  20. to those who believe in his name, who were born,

  21. not of natural descent, nor the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man,

  22. but of God.

  23. The word became flesh and dwelt among us.

  24. We observed his glory.

  25. The glory is the one and only son from the father,

  26. full of grace and truth.

  27. John testified concerning him and exclaimed,

  28. this was the one of whom I said, the one coming after me,

  29. ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.

  30. These are the Holy Scriptures,

  31. make God bless our study of them this morning.

  32. Heavenly Father, we ask that you would open up the eyes of our heart

  33. that we would look into the beauty of the wisdom of the written word

  34. and perceive and discern the living word.

  35. And we ask that that living word would abide within us,

  36. and among us.

  37. As like Mary, we set at your feet to be taught of the Lord.

  38. In Jesus' name, we pray, amen.

  39. You may be seated.

  40. So this morning, what we're going to do is that we,

  41. we of course, are studying the book of John,

  42. and we've entitled the study, Beholding Christ.

  43. And as I said last week, it's a little cowardly title,

  44. because I wanted to title it,

  45. beholding the Christ within you.

  46. But I was afraid it could be misunderstood.

  47. But it is my heart if we behold Christ,

  48. my hope is not that we have a revelation of more information

  49. about Jesus, but you begin to see the life that is living within you.

  50. And that all those things you think might be impossible

  51. or inaccessible to you are not only possible

  52. and accessible, but they're already within you,

  53. because Christ is in you as the hope of glory.

  54. And if we can just move to recognizing

  55. to actually have faith to rest in the presence

  56. of the living Christ in the who has made his home and our soul,

  57. then we can begin to experience true spiritual transformation rather

  58. than just religious conformity.

  59. And that's what we're after.

  60. So this morning, what I want us to do is I want us to take a look

  61. at this context, but very specifically,

  62. let's just take a moment this morning and chat about

  63. what it means in reference to John the Baptist.

  64. Because there are a few verses here,

  65. and this is a little bit of a clunky translation.

  66. As I told you last week, it's believed by many scholars

  67. that opening, that preface that we read last week,

  68. that begins in the Eons of Time,

  69. that John likely put that in after he had written his gospel.

  70. And so you can, and that contributes to the clunkiness,

  71. because he talks about the preaminent, uncreated Christ,

  72. and then he starts talking about his mission to earth.

  73. And then he says a few words about John,

  74. that he flips back over to talking about the coming of the light,

  75. and then he has another bit about John.

  76. And even modern translators, if you'll notice in your Scriptures,

  77. they probably put verse 15 in parentheses.

  78. Now those parentheses are not in the original documents,

  79. but they put them there to realize,

  80. yeah, there seems John seems to be doing some back and forth here,

  81. and parenthetically adding some information about John,

  82. mixed in with this introduction of Jesus as the Word,

  83. as the creator, as the light, and as the life.

  84. And so we're gonna look at just those couple of verses

  85. that are speaking about directly about John, the Baptist.

  86. And those are going to be verses six, seven and eight,

  87. and then there's a break, and then it drops down to verse 15.

  88. So we'll just remind ourselves of those words.

  89. There was a man sent from God whose name was John.

  90. He came as a witness to testify about the light,

  91. so that all my belief through him, he was not the light,

  92. but he came to testify about the light.

  93. John testified concerning him, and exclaimed,

  94. this was the one of whom I said,

  95. the one coming after me ranks ahead of me,

  96. because he existed before me.

  97. And in that last statement, we have this tie in,

  98. back to verse 1.

  99. In the beginning was the Word, the Word was with God,

  100. and the Word was God, and everything was created through the Word,

  101. and nothing that was created was created without him.

  102. And so John is looping back that reminder

  103. on this time in reference to John, the Baptist,

  104. and on the lips of John, the Baptist saying,

  105. he ranks higher than me.

  106. Now, he existed, notice that what he existed before me.

  107. If you look at the narrative of Scripture,

  108. and you look at the numbers and the dates

  109. and you're getting geography,

  110. then you can figure out a number,

  111. I said geography on purpose, and because I'm talking about math,

  112. tchchchchch, anyway.

  113. If you look at that, you will quickly discern

  114. that John the Baptist was born before the birth of Christ.

  115. And so this becomes an important statement here

  116. at the beginning of the first chapter of John,

  117. because it's this recognition that John had the revelation,

  118. that the Christ the Messiah in whose name he spoke

  119. was in fact with God in the beginning

  120. and was God from the very beginning.

  121. And that's his reference to existence here.

  122. So what does this say about John the Baptist?

  123. There are a few statements, number one,

  124. and if you look through, I have these in your notes

  125. and the references to the verses.

  126. He was a man sent from God.

  127. He was a man sent from God who came as a witness

  128. to testify about the light.

  129. The man was not the light, the man came to testify

  130. about the light, and then we're told why in verse seven.

  131. I don't know how much of a Bible word nerd you are.

  132. I didn't mean to say word nerd as a rhyme.

  133. I meant to say nerd and came up word,

  134. but anyway, word nerd maybe I'll coin it.

  135. It is always interesting that little phrase so that,

  136. so that unlocks so much when we're doing the work

  137. of interpreting and interpreting.

  138. Oh, but thank you all for coming this morning.

  139. I am gonna go home and take a nap

  140. and I will see you all next week.

  141. When we're doing the work of interpreting the scripture,

  142. when we see that phrase so that that's a fun

  143. one to highlight or to circle.

  144. And in order to train your mind to go back

  145. and really dive into the context.

  146. And so what we're told in verse seven

  147. is the reason why John was a man sent from God.

  148. He was a man sent for God to witness and testify

  149. about the light.

  150. We're highlighting that he was not the light,

  151. but he came to testify about the light.

  152. The reason why is so that all

  153. might believe through him.

  154. And now we get this insight for how God works in the world

  155. when God is on the move.

  156. He sends people.

  157. That is how God manifests his work in the world.

  158. Even we might argue when God committed

  159. to his most important work, the redemption of all.

  160. Even then he begins with sending people.

  161. God reveals himself through human witnesses.

  162. And when we experience his grace,

  163. we're called to embody and share that grace with others.

  164. So that they too might believe in the light.

  165. And that is my main point this morning.

  166. God reveals himself through human witnesses.

  167. He could do it through angelic witnesses.

  168. He could do it primarily through supernatural acts.

  169. And I'm not saying that God never utilizes those means

  170. because if you read the scripture enough,

  171. you'll see he does sometimes utilize angels

  172. and supernatural events.

  173. But if you look at the scripture from cover to cover,

  174. God's primary means of revealing himself in the world.

  175. Has been will be is today through human witnesses.

  176. In other words, if we tease this out,

  177. what do I mean by that?

  178. I mean that God chooses people to make his presence known

  179. to other people through the his human witnesses.

  180. And these are witnesses who have personally experienced

  181. his grace when these witnesses encounter God's grace

  182. and when they're alive, they demonstrate

  183. and represent that grace through their words and actions.

  184. Essentially becoming visible, living examples

  185. of God's grace for others to see an experience.

  186. Jesus makes God tangible and his followers make Jesus tangible.

  187. I think there's an image that might remind us of that.

  188. Perfect, oh, that was almost near perfect timing.

  189. God, and all he is fully dwelt in Christ,

  190. that's the great plan of redemption.

  191. And how does this plan continue to work out?

  192. Well Paul reminds us, the mystery hidden for the ages

  193. is that not only for Jews, but also for Gentiles,

  194. Christ is in you as the hope of glory.

  195. And so Christ makes his residence in us,

  196. and this allows the world to see a multi-faceted temperament

  197. of Christ because Christ will be uniquely expressed

  198. to the world through you.

  199. You are the only one that can steward

  200. that particular revelation of Christ,

  201. because it's in you.

  202. And so this is how God's work continues to move

  203. throughout history.

  204. God expresses his work of redemption through human witnesses

  205. to his grace and love.

  206. God reveals himself to the world by saving you and sending you,

  207. by saving you and sending you.

  208. Now we're going to find a little bit and broaden that

  209. understanding of what sent means for those of you

  210. who may have come from backgrounds

  211. where sending language has a lot of negative emotional baggage

  212. to attach to it because that just meant,

  213. insessantly, working for the church and making

  214. to be filled shameful if you didn't continue

  215. with working for the church and all your free time.

  216. That's not what I'm going to be talking about.

  217. But one of the things we're learning is we cannot allow

  218. bad emotional experiences from our past

  219. to take away language from the scripture.

  220. We might have to work on doing some deep work

  221. to redefine it or broaden the definition

  222. that we shouldn't jettison these ideas.

  223. So the way that God reveals himself to the world

  224. is by saving you and sending you.

  225. You are the means through which God is revealing himself

  226. to the world.

  227. You are the means through which God is revealing himself

  228. to the people in your relational circle of influence.

  229. You are the means through which God is revealing

  230. himself to the people to whom he is sending you

  231. and make no mistake.

  232. This is not realms regulated to vocational ministers

  233. and missionaries.

  234. If you are breathing and if you love Jesus,

  235. the spirit in you is longing to move you outward.

  236. If you are breathing and you love Jesus,

  237. there are people to whom you are being sent.

  238. The only question is, are you willing to cultivate

  239. the self awareness so that you can be aware

  240. to whom you're being sent

  241. and actually participate in faithful stewardship

  242. of that mission?

  243. We may be sent but we might not be doing a great job

  244. with stewarding that mission.

  245. Because we have allowed our vision

  246. to become my optically preoccupied with ourselves

  247. and our problems and therefore we made it

  248. then little to sleep to the larger purpose of our lives.

  249. So we have moments like this where we gather together.

  250. We say, wake up!

  251. We jab on another little bit out of our apathy and lethargy.

  252. To remember, there's a lot more going on

  253. with what God is doing with your life

  254. than just the current crisis that you are facing.

  255. So let's go back to John the Baptist

  256. because what does John the Baptist teach us

  257. about being a witness to Christ?

  258. Well, there are many things I'm sure we can talk about

  259. this morning we're gonna highlight only one

  260. because the scripture highlights it

  261. and because I do think it is one of the most profound

  262. aspects of John the Baptist's life

  263. and furthermore I think that the movement of contemporary

  264. evangelicalism would do well to stop, pause,

  265. and listen to what John the Baptist has to teach us

  266. about this particular virtue.

  267. The essential quality that empowered John the Baptist

  268. effectiveness was his humility.

  269. His humility is the reason why

  270. God entrusted him with such a heavy mantle

  271. of anointing and authority.

  272. He could be trusted with it because of the reality

  273. of humility that was consistently characteristic

  274. of his life.

  275. There is no limit to why God might do through you

  276. when you are finally delivered

  277. of the concern about whether or not you get credit.

  278. Once that is removed from our heart,

  279. the potential for impact is limitless.

  280. Before that, it is true, it is the grace and mercy of God

  281. that he limits effectiveness that would

  282. enter and destroy us because of our pride.

  283. God is well aware of what pride can do

  284. in the hearts of his servants.

  285. Anybody remember our Satan origin story?

  286. This is a very real principle and God protects us.

  287. He shields us from that.

  288. So we are given grace for ministry as we grow

  289. in our humility and dependence upon him.

  290. Let's look at the way we see this outline in John's life.

  291. We see it very clearly if we flip over to John chapter 3.

    John 3 chapter mention

  292. Look at verse 15, what we have said before,

  293. John, testifying concerning him,

  294. this was the one of whom I said, the one coming after me,

  295. rinks ahead of me because he existed before me.

  296. Now one of the things that we can see in that verse is

  297. one of the things that empowered John's vision of

  298. evaluation of himself and his posture of humility

  299. is he had a powerful revelation of the pre-existence

  300. pre-eminence of Christ.

  301. When Jesus looms large in our hearts,

  302. it's very easy for the ego to shrink.

  303. When Jesus is minimized in our hearts,

  304. the ego is very eager to take this place.

  305. And so it's rooted in this powerful vision

  306. that it's not just Jesus, my friend and my body.

  307. I mean, I believe in cultivating a tender familiar

  308. friendship with Jesus, but it's always in the context of

  309. remembering this is not just my pal.

  310. This is the sovereign creator of all that was created.

  311. And somehow this balance between all and intimacy

  312. was embodied in John.

  313. And that's exactly the kind of lifestyle we want to cultivate

  314. is we want this balance of both all and intimacy

  315. when it comes to our thoughts about God and our relation to him.

  316. John chapter three, which we'll get to,

  317. according to my sermon schedule, we'll be here in about nine months.

  318. So John chapter three, verses 25 through 30,

  319. then a dispute arose between John's disciples and a Jew

  320. about purification.

  321. Sorry for the K, that's my footnote in there.

  322. Verse 26, so they came to John and told him,

  323. Rabbi, the one you testified about,

  324. who was with you across the Jordan,

  325. is baptizing and everyone's going to him.

  326. John responded, no one can receive anything,

  327. unless it has been given to him from heaven.

  328. You yourselves can testify that I said,

  329. I'm not the Messiah, but I've been sent ahead of him.

  330. He who has the bride is the groom.

  331. But the groom's friend who stands by and listens for him,

  332. rejoices greatly at the groom's voice.

  333. So this joy of mine is complete.

  334. It's not hindered by these things that you say,

  335. it is fulfilled by these things that you say,

  336. and then that famous line in verse 30,

  337. he must increase, but I must dig into it.

  338. He must dig out the most decreased.

  339. Look at even the language there, the he and the I.

  340. He being God must increase.

  341. My ego must decrease.

  342. The I must decrease,

  343. and then Paul's going to take it further to say

  344. that the I doesn't even exist anymore.

  345. The life that I now live by faith in the Son of God

  346. and gave Himself for me.

  347. The goal is not to live and I plus Christ's life.

  348. The goal is not to even to live a Christ plus I life.

  349. The goal is to live the not I but Christ's life.

  350. That is where we find our deepest contentment and our highest joy,

  351. because this is the life that we're fashioned for.

  352. This is how our operating system works most optimally.

  353. And I'm sorry for all of you not tech people that I just alienated with that comment.

  354. I know you're out there.

  355. The essential quality that empowered John the Baptist effectiveness was his humility.

  356. The essential quality that will empower your witness is humility.

  357. So how can we get practical as we get ready to close?

  358. I like to say that for the people who are nodding off and they look up immediately.

  359. What?

  360. Papa's pizza.

  361. Is that what he said?

  362. No, I said we're coming to a close.

  363. You're ego inserted the other thing.

  364. There are probably multiple approaches to this,

  365. but what was burdened on my heart was one aspect of how we cultivate humility.

  366. And I believe that humility is a fruit of living a just as life.

  367. And I'll explain what that means in just a moment.

  368. In other words, humility can only be experienced passively.

  369. If you try to work your program for humility,

  370. your flesh will take pride in the humility you attained.

  371. And then you realize all this was all a smoke screen.

  372. Humility is elusive.

  373. You can't go for it directly.

  374. If you do, it is almost like when you were a child and you played with the magnates,

  375. not the magnets, the magnets.

  376. You know, you push those magnets, those disc magnets,

  377. and they repel each other and bounce away.

  378. That is keep that pitching in your mind because that's what happens when you try to take hold

  379. of humility.

  380. Oh, she won't allow you to do that.

  381. She has to come to you as the fruit of your life

  382. because of other things you're going after.

  383. Well, what are those other things living a just as life?

  384. The more you live a faithful just as life,

  385. the more humility will rise up from your soul and test to itself across your forehead.

  386. And you don't have to work to make it happen.

  387. Let's take a look at Colossians chapter 3.

    Colossians 3 chapter mention

  388. Versus 12 through 13.

  389. I think maybe your notes say 2 through 13, that's a mistake.

  390. Verse 12 says, therefore, as God's chosen ones,

  391. holy and dearly loved, put on compassion, kindness, humility,

  392. gentleness, impatience, bearing with one another,

  393. and forgiving one another if anyone has a grievance against another,

  394. just as the Lord has forgiven you.

  395. So you ought to forgive.

  396. He says the same sentiment in Ephesians 432,

  397. and be kind and compassionate to one another,

  398. forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

  399. When we are for others, just as God is for us,

  400. we will embody and share His grace so that they too might believe in the light.

  401. Sometime ago, those of you who have been here a while,

  402. we'll know there was a struggle and questions,

  403. and I was the target of multiple accusations.

  404. They weren't moral accusations for those of you who are now,

  405. he was like, oh, what's he going to share now?

  406. What's the juicy thing?

  407. That's for another day if the,

  408. but they were specifically about the nature of the doctrine that I was articulating from the pulpit.

  409. And I learned a lot from those voices.

  410. They were hard, it was hard, hard, hard.

  411. The most probably difficult season of my entire existence on earth.

  412. But I learned a lot from those voices,

  413. and I learned a lot about my own motives and communications.

  414. But if there's any leftover or if I'm in danger of repeating that mistake,

  415. I want to clarify.

  416. Some reason, there's this assumption on the part of nervous evangelicals,

  417. that if you celebrate the grace of God,

  418. it's a mask to give everyone an excuse to continue sitting

  419. with our consequences.

  420. Now, that is very problematic on many levels,

  421. because it reveals that we believe that our words of shame were supposed to be the consequences for sin,

  422. and sin is its consequence in and of itself,

  423. but that's another sermon for another day.

  424. Sorry if I'm danger of ranting.

  425. But there is this assumption, and I get it.

  426. It's the same thing that people were afraid of with another guy.

  427. It is inserted my sound.

  428. No, I assure you, in those stories, I'm standing with the Pharisees.

  429. Did you bear witness to that?

  430. Maybe you and I are the two witnesses of revelation.

  431. Although things don't end out too well for those two guys.

  432. So, I advocate my position.

  433. But so, I really do get it.

  434. It's the thing that we fear.

  435. We are so fearful that the infinite beauty and holiness of Christ

  436. can somehow be tainted by the puny human sin of his creation.

  437. But it's a deep fear that we all have.

  438. And I want to make it crystal clear.

  439. And you know what?

  440. I never did the service for those who struggled with what I was saying,

  441. and I regret that.

  442. My motive,

  443. important people to the offensive over the top, gratuitous grace of God,

  444. I believe in English Paul calls it extravagant.

  445. The Greek word is the word from which we get the word hyper.

  446. So, there is even a pejorative hyper grace attached to it.

  447. The reason for that is because I have observed in my own heart and life.

  448. I have observed when I read the testimony of Jesus,

  449. particularly the characters of the Pharisee.

  450. And I have observed in my so-journ in contemporary evangelism,

  451. evangelism, that we give to others only the measure of grace that we feel has been given to us.

  452. So, if we disqualify ourselves, our limit God's grace in our lives because of what we have done,

  453. we have no choice but to limit the grace we're willing to give others.

  454. Because here's the deal, you'll always live a just as life.

  455. The only question is, are you're just as interpretations based on the scripture or based on your emotions?

  456. Because if they're based on your emotions and feelings,

  457. you will shrink that grace that God has extended.

  458. And you will constantly be giving limited grace to others.

  459. It's why there's something akin to jealousy when we find out a believer is under the Lord's favor,

  460. and they've got looser standards than we have.

  461. That doesn't seem fair.

  462. I saw a wine bottle in their house the other night.

  463. Sorry, I'm been a little bit too real, I guess a little bit this morning.

  464. But you know that feeling, I felt it that envy of other Christians that didn't put themselves under the same yolk of legalism.

  465. Why should they be happier than me when I'm doing more right things than them?

  466. Why is that?

  467. Because I was in a Christian.

  468. I was an idolatier worshipping at the altar of my own religious works.

  469. That's not Jesus.

  470. And I thought I was free, but I was in fact impondent.

  471. Some of you have great testimonies of the intense lives of sin from which you've been delivered.

  472. Mine is super boring because he delivered me from a profound bondage to religious performance,

  473. so that I could see the Savior.

  474. And so the reason why it's so critical that you understand God's loving kindness towards you is so that you are then to empower to live a just as life toward others.

  475. You will begin to give the loving kindness that you're convinced that you've received.

  476. This is why it's so critical in the lives of believers, especially those who grew up in toxic legalistic backgrounds to have a revelation of grace that sets them free.

  477. Because the limitations they experience is the limitation to their witness.

  478. And so as we enter into that, we can live a just as life.

  479. So as we close, there are two ideas that I would like to share with you as a way of responding to simple but huge ones, know yourself and know your mission.

  480. This is what's powerful about John the Baptist.

  481. He knew who he was.

  482. I'm inferior. He existed before me.

  483. And he knew his mission.

  484. I'm called to go before him and testify about the Messiah.

  485. Know yourself and know your mission.

  486. Know yourself.

  487. What I mean by this is something very simple.

  488. So simple, I would get irritated for what I'm about to say.

  489. Know, I mean, be honest with yourself.

  490. You don't have to confess it to me or anyone else unless the Holy Spirit leads you to, then I would encourage your obedience to the Spirit.

  491. But outside of that, know who you are when you live Antichrist.

  492. And don't pretend like you never live Antichrist.

  493. Because that will ruin the experiment for you.

  494. Know who you are when you live Antichrist.

  495. And by the same token, take time to know who you are when you live in Christ.

  496. Now, once you do that, do less of the former and more of the latter.

  497. All right, amen. Let's go home.

  498. It's not easy, but it is that simple.

  499. It is recognizing I have choices that either lead me throughout the day or maybe Abon flow throughout the day to live more Antichrist or I make choices that cause me to reveal and live more in Christ.

  500. And there are consequences to those decisions.

  501. Know who you are when I went through my most profound valley of disbelief.

  502. And even if you've ever entertained giving up your belief in God, you know that kind of when you're at the decision, but it's actually pretty exciting.

  503. Because I'm like the whole new world opens up.

  504. There's not somebody over my shoulder watching my every move.

  505. And all of these legalistic things we've projected upon God were like, rightfully, I'm going to be free of this.

  506. And it's like I went to the edge. There were two things that helped me back.

  507. Number one, when I got to that point, my natural reaction was to pray.

  508. God, I don't believe in you anymore.

  509. And then the contradiction of that act began to seep into the back of my mind and question the newfound faith and atheism.

  510. But the second one was simply the Holy Spirit given me a chance to reflect.

  511. This might not seem like a strong faith.

  512. It might not seem like a strong foundation for other more-learning people than I and I and accept that.

  513. I know who I am for others when I'm pursuing Jesus.

  514. And I know who I am for others when I'm pursuing me.

  515. I am heartbreak and broken and ashamed of what this lifestyle choice causes for me and the people around me.

  516. And I rejoice in the life that is given to me and the people around me when I pursue Christ.

  517. And that moment it was enough to say, maybe I don't have to know whether or not you exist.

  518. I know what it's like for me to live like you do and when it's like for me to live like you don't.

  519. And I want the fruit of pursuing Jesus.

  520. And so you'll be happy to know I'm going to head and let him in.

  521. God I believe in you again.

  522. I'm not happy with you and I want to talk for a while but I'll get there.

  523. You have to know these things.

  524. My friends, you're brokenness, you're suffering, you're struggle are powerful ways for others to experience God's mercy.

  525. If you have the courage to be honest and vulnerable.

  526. Because if all you have is answers, they just think great for you but if you don't struggle like me, those answers mean nothing.

  527. It is when we have permission to not be angels pursuing Christ but to be humans pursuing Christ.

  528. And all that means and your humanity is only seeing in the testimony of your weakness and struggle.

  529. It is not seeing in your easy answers.

  530. People need to know how those answers were meaningful to you when it was dark.

  531. My friends, there are days.

  532. I keep telling people I didn't go to seminary.

  533. But to Bible school, but not seminary.

  534. And in my idolatry of academic excellence, that's embarrassing for me to admit some of the times.

  535. For my ego to admit.

  536. But I realize this week, there is a seminary I have attended.

  537. There are days I wake up full of faith.

  538. As though I'm woken up by the presence of God himself.

  539. I'm sure my wife experienced that a lot more waking up next to me than maybe I do.

  540. But I don't know, I'll never talk to her about it.

  541. And I'm full of faith.

  542. I want to engage in ministry.

  543. I want to spend my life for Jesus.

  544. And if the thought of death crosses my mind, it's old death where it is your sting.

  545. Because I'm living from a revelation that I have been given as a birthright, not as a reward.

  546. An intimate, deep connection with God that will never be severed.

  547. Even when this body wears down and can no longer operate as the locomotive means of my spirit.

  548. I still have trust that this can go in the ground and I will continue my journey with Jesus.

  549. In whatever glorious reality that has next.

  550. And sometimes certainly within the same month, maybe within the same week.

  551. I wake up with a gripling panic of little time.

  552. On those days, I believe in my heart death is chasing after me.

  553. And I have to do all that I can to outrun it.

  554. And when I get into that place anxiety and worry and fear begin to creep in.

  555. And once fear gives way, that doesn't take long for me to begin entertaining hate and judgment as well.

  556. Now I'd like to say, but I come to church and I pray with the staff and read our scripture devotion

  557. and it all goes away.

  558. But sometimes when I do that, don't tell the staff.

  559. I'm faking it.

  560. I am 100% faking it because the reality of my inner life is not that's not what I feel.

  561. And then, and I don't turn away, I go home to other responsibility and people that I'm called to give my life to and love.

  562. And I disassociate from them emotionally.

  563. I abandon the people in my home because I've got to disconnect.

  564. And when I do, I emotionally enter in to a self-made cocoon of self-protection.

  565. And in that moment, I feel utterly isolated from everyone and from God.

  566. And in that dark cocoon, I pray the prayer of the Psalmist,

  567. my God, my God, why have you forsaken me and despair is there and depression is there.

  568. And fear is there.

  569. And I sit with those unwelcome demons in my cocoon for a bit.

  570. And before long, I realize someone else is here,

  571. the Holy Spirit slipped into.

  572. And he's not fighting these enemies, he's using them.

  573. They're on his side.

  574. And over and over again, in that moment, I return to what is me as an anchor from my soul that Jesus prayer.

  575. And I've rented and raved and was angry.

  576. And then I am silent.

  577. Get that on my knees and say, Jesus Christ,

  578. Son of God, have mercy on me.

  579. Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.

  580. And then peace floods the cocoon.

  581. I open my eyes and I see an opening with light.

  582. And I want to and I step out.

  583. And all of a sudden, I'm Superman for Jesus again.

  584. And I realize this week,

  585. I'm a man who's not in the world.

  586. And I can track this or directly the places where I have seen the most of the people who are in the world.

  587. And I realize this week,

  588. that cocoon has been my seminary.

  589. Have you been there, too?

  590. I have at lunch.

  591. There is much more alums here than we care to admit.

  592. But the lessons in the cocoon,

  593. or directly the places where I have seen the most effective ministry in my life.

  594. It's not what I gathered from books.

  595. It's not what I gathered from sermons.

  596. It's not what I gathered from Bible school.

  597. It is nearly 100% what I've earned in the cocoon.

  598. Because this is what makes me not a super person, super,

  599. I'm not the pastor you deserve.

  600. I want to be.

  601. And I do my best on the bad days to fake it.

  602. But I need Jesus every second of every single day.

  603. And if I am blind to that need,

  604. I see being effective in ministry.

  605. And we have run out of time.

  606. So I'll let you study the rest of the lessons.

  607. Right now, I think we need to do something different.

  608. And what you all have to stand up and the worship thing to come forward.

  609. What you to close your eyes is we get ready to come to the Lord's table.

  610. For those of you who are new, we will start from the back row.

  611. And you just kind of see the flow of traffic as people come through.

  612. We'll take the elements in return to our seat.

  613. And you can take communion privately.

  614. But for now, close your eyes as we come to the Lord's table.

  615. I want you to ask yourself in the inner chamber of your heart.

  616. What are the lessons from your cooking?

  617. Where can you take a moment and pause and see the Holy Spirit's faithfulness in the midst of your darkness?

  618. Or maybe you're there now.

  619. And all you see is the presence of the demons, your enemies, your shortfalls.

  620. Can you take a moment and breathe and look around for the presence of God this morning?

  621. You feel the presence of the Holy Spirit?

  622. Maybe bringing peace in.

  623. And maybe ripping open that cocoon just a little bit to where you see some light shining through.

  624. Don't waste your suffering.

  625. Let it become your memorial of God's faithfulness, not a testimony to your failure.

  626. And rejoice in this and rest in the forgiveness of Christ.

  627. And in the mercy of God, let it feel your heart so completely that it begins to spill over to the people in your life.

  628. Then you will know the joy of what it means to be used by God.