Been There: Week 1

Well, I want to begin today by introducing myself, especially if we haven't

met. My name is Andrew, and I'm a recovering control freak. I

like to be in control. I do. I like to make decisions.

I like to be the person in charge. If I don't feel like I'm

in control, I feel anxious, I feel worried. Tell me if you

can complete these statements, I'm gonna take matters into my own hands. Or

how about this one. This one says, if you want something done right,

do it yourself. These are some things that I've said, things that

I've believed. Let me give you a few personal examples in my life.

So in my family, I do most of the laundry in our house.

That's one of the things that I do. I do the laundry. Now,

on the surface, you might think, oh, that's so sweet,

Andrew is such a thoughtful husband. Lauren is so lucky that he does the

laundry. Well, hold on, let me tell you a secret. Doing

the laundry is not about me being helpful. It's about having control. Because

I'm very picky about my clothes. I've got some clothes that go in the

dryer. I've got some clothes that don't go in the dryer. I've got

some clothes that need to be on the delicate cycle. I've got some clothes

that need hot water, some that need cold water. And so I want

to have control. Last year I had a really bad experience with a dry

cleaner, and I can tell you about that later. But I want to

be in control. So the laundry is about me being in control. And

when I told Lauren that I was going to introduce this message by saying I'm

a recovering control freak, she said, no, don't say or a recovering

control freak. You're a control freak. Last year, I was traveling back

from Central America with a team from church at the Crossing. We were over

on a mission trip and our flight got delayed, so we landed late in

Miami, Florida. It was about midnight, and we missed our connection back

to India. It took off without us, and so we were stuck at

the Miami airport. We retired, we were hungry. There were no outgoing

flights from Miami that night. There were about one hundred other passengers stuck waiting

in line at customer service, and so I didn't want to stay stuck at

the airport all night. So I took matters into our own hands, and

we found out that there was a flight leaving from Florida at five a m.

But it wasn't leaving from Miami. It was leaving from Fort Myers,

which was two hundred miles across the state, on the other side of the

state. So we took control. We booked those tickets, we rented two

cars, and we drove across the state in the middle of the night to

get on that flight and make it back to Indy. We wanted to have

control. I wonder if you've ever thought that to yourself, I'm going to

take control of this situation, or I'm going to take matters into my own

hands. What are you trying to control in your life right now? What

are you trying to manage? What are you trying to handle? Or are

you in a situation where it feels like you are out of control and you

have all this anxiety, this worry, this fear because other people are making

decisions nothing you do. You don't have influence, and you're scared. What

are you trying to control? Are you trying to control control your career or

your education. Are you trying to control other people like a coworker or a

relative, or what about your reputation? Do you want to control what people

think about you and or you manage your social media presence? Are you worried

about what others think or perceive about you? Parents? How often do you

struggle with trying to control your children, trying to make sure that their behavior

is the way that you want it to be. You know, I think

God wants to cure me of my control issues. That's one of the reasons

that I think he gave us a baby. A friend of mine was giving

me parenting advice, and he said that parenting is slowly losing control at a

rate that you don't lose your mind. Now, let me share the big

idea for the message today. The main point of this message is you don't

always have the power to control, but you always have the power to surrender.

You don't always have the power to control, but you do have the

power to surrender. Now, there are things in life that you have to

control. You've got to make sure the bills get paid. You got to

make sure you show up to work on time, that you show up to

school on time, that you get good grades. There are things you got

to control. You do have to provide for your children, protect your children.

These are responsibilities that you do control. But what are the things in

your life that you need to surrender to God? What are the things you

need to let go of and trust God with surrender to him? Someone might

say, well, I trust God with my finances. That's great, Well,

how much do you trust God? Have you surrendered to God? Do

you trust him so far as to tithe on your income to the Lord?

Have you surrendered your finances? Someone says, I trust that God will provide

a spouse for me one day. That's great, But have you surrendered that

desire to the Lord? Have you surrendered control of that to him? Are

you praying for that relationship even if you haven't met that person yet? Have

you surrendered to the Lord? Pastor Craig Shell once said, what you attempt

to control the most often reveals where you trust God. The least surrender begins

with trust. You and I are only going to surrender to the Lord as

much as we trust the Lord. So far as you trust him, that's

as far as you're going to surrender the things that you're trying to control in

life, and where you try to control things might reveal where you trust in

the least. Surrender begins with trust. You've heard me share many times before

that I have an affinity for really good coffee. I don't like just average

coffee. I like good coffee, and I think the best coffee is what

we have at the Haverstick here on campus. I'm a coffee snob. I'm

a coffee addict. I just like really good coffee. And so last week

I was at a one day conference for pastors and church leaders, and they

were serving coffee, but I didn't trust that the coffee that was being served

was going to be up to my standard. It was standard drip coffee.

But I wanted my coffee. Remember I'm a coffee snob. So what did

I do. I packed my own water kettle and my own coffee filter,

and my own mug, and my own coffee from the Haverstick. And so

during one of the breaks at the conferences, I made my own coffee.

I told you, I've got control issues. I didn't trust what was being

provided. Surrender begins with trust. So far as you trust the Lord,

that's as far as you're going to trust him. What you try controlling the

most might reveal where you trust God the least. It's the dating couple who

one person in the relationship is trying to control the other person, trying to

change them or make them be somebody that they're not. It's the parent who

puts overwhelming pressure or expectation on their child. It's that team leader who doesn't

trust their team and will not delegate and doesn't trust their team to help.

It's that one person we all know, that one person who always insists on

being in the driver's seat wherever we're in the car. And if you can't

think of anybody, it might be you. Where you try to control the

most might reveal where you trust God the least. You don't always have the

power to control, but you always have the power to surrender. And so

today we're gonna look in the Bible at a story from the life of Jesus.

And this story is the greatest story about surrender. Because Jesus is the

son of God. He has all power, he has all control. But

in this story, Jesus chooses to surrender. So we're gonna read in Matthew

chapter twenty six, and right before we start reading Jesus has just had the

last supper with his disciples. Judas left the meal early to go and meet

Jesus's enemies. And now this is the night before Jesus is arrested, the

very day before he is crucified, and we start reading in verse thirty six.

Then Jesus went with him to a place called Gathsemone, and he said

to his disciples, sit here while I go over there and pray, and

taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be

sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, my soul is very sorrowful,

even to the point of death. Remain here and watch with me.

Jesus was overwhelmed with sorrow. He knew that the crucifixion was coming, that

the pain and the suffering was coming. That he was overwhelmed. He was

in agony, and there was this divine power struggle happening within him between his

god given nature and his human nature. And then we read in verse thirty

nine, Going a little further, he fell on his face and prayed,

saying, my father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from

me. Nevertheless, not as I will but as you will. And he

came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and he said to Peter,

so could you not watch with me one hour watch him pray that you may

not enter into temptation. The spirit, indeed is willing, but the flesh

is weak. Again, for the second time he went away and prayed,

my Father, if this cannot pass until I drink it, your will be

done. And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were

heavy, So leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third

time, saying the same words again. Then he came to the disciples and

said to them, sleep and take your rest. Later on, See the

hour is at hand, and the son of Man is betrayed into the hands

of sinners. So Jesus is in agony, He's in turmoil, and he

surrenders to the will of his father. He says, not my will,

but your will. He surrenders to the Father because he trusted the Father.

Theologian Artie France wrote about this story in the Gospel of Matthew, and he

said, this Jesus has appeared throughout his ministry as totally in control of the

situation, and himself the scene against Semone demonstrates the relationship of trust, of

trust, and loyalty between the father and the son. Jesus chose to surrender

to the father's will because he trusted the father. Surrender begins with trust.

So far as you trust God, that's as far as you're going to trust

him. Do you trust the father? Do you trust the father? Do

you trust his will? Do you trust that he has good planned for you?

Do you trust that his glory is what's best for your life? Do

you trust that the Father's in control? Now you might say, well,

I sure I trust God with my salvation. But do you trust him with

every part of your life? Do you trust him with your finances? Do

you trust him with your family? Do you trust him with your health?

Do you trust the father? Or are you trying to manage it? Are

you trying to control? Are you trying to say, God, you take

care of that and I'll take care of this part. Do you trust the

Father? There are some things in life that we have to recognize you can

not control. There's really three things that you cannot control. You cannot control

other people, every outcome or all the expectations. You can't control other people.

You can't control the outcomes, and you can't control expectations or assumptions that

people put on you. You can't control those things. When you step onto

an airplane, you're not in control. When you lie down at sleep at

night, you are not in control. When you get on the highway around

four sixty five, you are not in control of what other drivers are doing.

When you go into the operating room, you're not in control. These

are things you can't control. You can't control other people. All the outcomes,

were all the expectations. However, there's one thing that you can control.

When you feel overwhelmed, when you feel like things are out of control,

there's one thing that you can control. You can control your response.

You can control your response, and you can choose to respond by stressing about

it or surrender it. You can stress about it or you can surrender it.

When you're in a situation where you feel it's out of your hands,

where you can't control it, where you can't change it, are you gonna

stress about it? Are you gonna worry about it? Or are you gonna

surrender it? Two Timothy, Chapter one says God gave us a spirit not

of fear, but of power, and love and self control. You can

control your response. You have a spirit of self control. This does not

say that you can control others. You can control outcomes, you can control

the results. You have self control. You can control your response. Are

you gonna stress about it? Or are you gonna surrender it? When I

feel like I'm not in control, I usually end up stressing about it.

I usually obsess about it. Earlier this year, back in February, Lauren

was having some really really bad abdominal pain, just very excruciating pain, and

so we ended up in the emergency room. And while we're in the emergency

room, they did some scans and the doctor said that Lauren needed surgery and

that they would operate first thing the next morning. And so this was out

of our control. We didn't have control in this situation. So the next

morning we went to the hospital and they took Lauren back to the operating room.

They told me that the doctor would let me know when the surgery was

over and then they would come and get me when Lauren woke up from anesthesia

and she was ready to go home. And so I was not in control.

I had to wait, and I had to wait, and the doctor

told me that the surgery was successful and everything was good, and I continued

to wait for her to wake up. And I waited for about an hour,

and then I thought, did they forget about me? Did they not

come get me? I mean, I'm sure Lauren's awake by now, And

so I lost my self control and I went and I knocked on the door

of the operating room and I said hello, and the nurse opened the door,

and the nurse politely educated me on the science of anesthesia that it it

takes quite a while to wake up from anesthesia. Now, personally, I

think Lauren was awake, but she was just enjoying time away from me stressing

and obsessing. Eventually, they did come get me, and everything was good

and we got to go home. You can choose to respond by stressing about

it or by surrendering it. And I want to tell you surrender is not

giving in to chaos, because you may hear what I'm saying and you think,

well, that's easier said than done. But let me tell you.

Surrender is not giving up, letting go or prayed away thinking. Surrender is

not just delusional optimism. Surrender is trusting God to fulfill his perfect will in

your life. It's trusting the Father. Jesus chose surrender because Jesus trusted the

Father. He trusts goal he trusted him. Jesus could have saved himself,

he could have taken control, but he chose to trust the Father. So

after he praised in the garden, let's read what happens next in this story.

In verse fifty, then they came up and laid hands on Jesus and

seized him. And behold, one of those who were with Jesus stretched out

his hand and drew his sword and struck the servant of the High Priest and

cut off his ear. Now from the other gospels we know that this was

the disciple Peter. Peter was packing a sword, and Peter attacked the servant

of the High Priest because Peter wanted to take control. Peter saw his friend

being hurt. Peter wanted to take charge. Peter wanted to take things in

his own hands. In verse fifty two, then Jesus said to him,

put your sword back in its place, for all who take the sword will

perish by the sword. Do you think that I cannot appeal to my father

and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels. Legion

is about a thousand soldiers of twelve thousand angel soldiers. But how should the

scripture be fulfilled? That it must be so? Jesus had authority, Jesus

had power, but he chose to trust. You don't always have the power

to control, but you always have the power to surrender. I struggle often

with surrendering things to the Lord. I trust the Lord with most things.

I trust the Lord with my salvation, I'm going to be in heaven.

I trust him with my health. I trust him with my future. But

there's other things that I'm reluctant to trust him with. These are the things

I stress about. I'm reluctant to trust him with my ministry. I'm reluctant

to trust him with other people or relationships, or certain outcomes or situations that

I feel pressure for. I struggle to surrender those things to him. So

I want to try to be a little bit vulnerable today, and I want

to tell you that there are two false belief that I struggle with in my

life. One false belief is if I'm not in control, I'm going to

get hurt. It's a false belief that I have, and it goes back

to my childhood. It goes back to my parents' divorce. It goes back

to when I trusted somebody and they let me down, or I put my

hope in someone, or maybe it was I had expectations that were too high

for somebody or unrealistic expectations for myself, and those weren't met, and so

I felt hurt. Now, the second false belief that I have is that

if I'm not in control, then I'm not good enough. I'm not a

good enough leader. I'm not a good enough husband, I'm not a good

enough pastor. If I don't manage the outcomes, then I'm not good enough.

If I don't control like volunteer engagement or staff involvement, then I'm not

good enough. I'm not a good enough leader. These are my false beliefs.

I struggle with these. I struggle with these false beliefs primarily because I'm

a Type A personality. Any other type as here. I'm a Type A

personality because I'm organized, I'm a planner, I'm motivated to achieve. I'm

a Type A. And so I want to share a message today for Type

A people. If you're a Type A person, I want to I want

to share a message just for you. Now. If you're not Type A,

that's okay. I have another message I'm gonna share with you a little

bit later. But if you're a Type A person, let me tell you

this message. For Type A people, surrendering control does not mean you are

giving in to chaos and disorder. I think Type A people struggle with this,

well, if I don't control it, then it's all just gonna fall

apart. Rather, you are trusting God, who is in control, to

do what is best for you and for his glory. See Type A people

struggle with surrender because we think we all right. If I'm not in control,

if I let go, it's just gonna go crazy. It's gonna go

into chaos. Because Type A people feel a burden, a responsibility to make

sure that things are done right, that they're efficient, that it's according to

and God designed Type A people like that. But the enemy, the devil,

will manipulate that God given responsibility and turn into obsession and worry and anxiety

and fear. And so the solution for Type A people is remember that you're

trusting that God is in control. Just look at how God created the universe

and how he created the world. After he created light, he separated the

waters on Earth and then created the atmosphere. He designed the atmosphere to be

exactly seventy eight percent nitrogen, twenty one percent oxygen, and one percent of

other things that only scientists know. But it's the perfect combination to sustain life

in this atmosphere. And then after that, he created dry ground on the

Earth. What did God do after he created dry ground? Did he create

the animals next? No, he created plants and vegetation next, because you

want to make sure there was food before He created the creatures and the animals.

And then God created everything in our natural system, the water cycle.

He created photosynthesis so that plants absorbed car monoxide and produce oxygen. Everything God

did in nature and biology in the universe had design and order in structure.

God tells us in Isaiah fifty five. For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens

are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways,

and my thoughts than your thoughts. So in type A, people like me

struggle with surrender. Remember who you're trusting. Remember you're trusting the one who

designed all things. He is not a god of chaos. He's not a

god of disorder. He's not absent minded. He has order, plan,

and structure. You can trust him. You can trust him. So what

can we learn today from Jesus about surrendering? I want to turn here and

get a little bit practical. How do we surrender? And there's some things

that Jesus teaches us here. First, Jesus teaches us to respond in prayer.

Respond in prayer, Jesus says in our texts in verse thirty six,

he said to his disciples, sit here while I go over there and pray.

Prayer elevates us from a natural situation to a supernatural connection with the Father.

Later on, in verse forty one, Jesus says, watch and pray

that you may not enter temptation. The spirit is indeed willing, but the

flesh is weak. Our flesh is weak. Our obsessions, our worries,

our concerns, those are weak and vulnerable. But through prayer, our spirit

is strengthened. You may have heard me describe in the past that I struggle

sometimes with worrying about my finances. I have anxiety around my finances. Now,

the Lord has provided healthy and sustainable income for us, but my flesh

worries more than it should. My flesh obsesses more than it should. I

have a budget. I look at the expenses, I look at the income,

attract spending and those kinds of things. And if you ask Lauren,

I'm sure she would tell you that she loves our quarterly budget meetings. But

after Lauren's surgery, we got the bill information and we were surprised that the

emergency room visit was covered by our insurance, but we were astonished that the

surgery and the surgeon was out of network and it was not covered by insurance.

And so you can imagine what kind of medical bill that is when you

have surgery that's out of network. And so that has given me a lot

of feelings. Let's just say, and I'm worried about that, But I

have a choice to make. Am I gonna stress about it? Or am

I gonna surrender it? And so prayer is where I go with my need.

Prayer is where I go to surrender, because you see, I live

inside the human economy, but my trust is not in the human economy.

My trust is in the kingdom economy of my father. He knows my needs,

he knows my expenses, he knows the things that I can't anticipate,

the things that surprise me. And he owns a cattle on a thousand hill.

He's going to provide exactly what I need. So I go to him

in prayer. I bring to him my financial needs, I bring to him

my concerns, and I trust him. I'm claiming the promise that we read

in Philippians chapter four. God will supply every need of yours according to his

riches in glory in Christ Jesus, God will supply every one of your needs.

Do you have a financial need, He's got you. Do you have

a health need, He's got you. Do you got a relationship need,

a marriage need, He's got you. Whatever needs you encounter, he's got

you. Your pain, your suffering, your a difficulty does not control you.

Your Father has got you. And so prayer is where we go to

surrender these things. Prayer is where we trust him. When you pray to

the Father, the Father will release more of his love. And that's the

next thing we learn from Jesus. In order to surrender receive the Father's love

receive the Father's love. God always answers your prayer in one of three ways.

God will say yes, or he'll say no, or he might say

wait. We love that first answer, and we don't really like the second

too. We don't like it when God says no. We don't like it

when God says wait. The answer no to your prayer is not a punishment,

and it's not a sign of weak faith. When you pray and God

says no, it doesn't mean that God does not love you. Often the

answer no can be an invitation to more of God's love. The greatest prayer

that was answered no was the prayer that Jesus prayed in the garden when he

said, I don't want to go to the cross, take away the suffering,

take away the crucifixion. But the Father said no. Why did the

Father say no for you and for me? Praise God that Jesus went to

the cross. Praise God that God said no to that prayer, because on

the cross, Jesus became your substitute. Jesus died in your place for your

sins so you can be forgiven, so you can have eternal life, so

that you can receive more of the father's love. Even though God said no

to Jesus in the garden, he did not withhold his presence. He did

not take away his love from his son. The Gospel of Luke tells us

well, Jesus was praying. He said, nevertheless, not my will,

but yours be done. Now look at this. After Jesus prays, after

the Father says no, there appeared to him an angel from heaven, strengthening

him. God sent an angel to Jesus in his pain, in his agony,

Jesus received more of the father's love. The love of the Father strengthened

Jesus so that he could go to the cross. And just like God strengthen

Jesus, he is strengthening you. And I want to be really clear.

When Jesus was in the garden, when Jesus chose to surrender, he did

not surrender to the mob. He did not surrender to the soldiers. He

did not surrender to Judas. He surrendered to his father. Those people could

not control him, they could not contain him. He was trusting his father.

And so you are not going to surrender to cancer. You're trusting your

father. You're not given into the divorce attorneys you're trusting your Father. When

your child is sick and you can't fix it, your hope and your trust

is in your Father. When you need a miracle, when you need a

breakthrough, when you need a fresh start, your trust is in the Father.

He gives you more love, He gives you more strength, even when

you can't see what's next. God is most helpful when you feel hopeless.

There's one more thing in this text that we can learn from Jesus. I

want to draw your attention to verse thirty seven. In our text, it

says in taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebede, he began

to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, my soul is

very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch with me. He

said, Stay with me, He said, stay with me. Jesus shows

us that in order to surrender, sometimes we need to rely on trusted friends.

Jesus wasn't alone. He asked for help. He asked for support.

Sometimes we need to rely on trusted friends to help us surrender these things we

don't control. Earlier, I mentioned that if you're not a type a person

that I wanted to share something with you, and maybe you are a people

person, You are highly relational, maybe you're an EmPATH. You absorb the

feelings of others, and when your friends are suffering, it overwhelms you.

Or when loved ones are in need, you feel this responsibility, like you

need to fix it for them. Some of us are a lot like Peter.

What did Peter do in this story? What did Peter do when Jesus

was arrested? Peter tries to take things in his own hands. Peter took

out his sword. Peter tried to defend his friend. And some of you

are metaphorically carrying a sword to try and defend people in your life, trying

to fix their problems, trying to solve the issue in your life. And

I want to tell you, it's not always yours to fix. It's not

always yours to carry, it's not always yours to solve. You don't have

to fix someone's problem to be a good friend. After we came home from

the hospital, we needed our friends after Lauren's surgery. Our friends couldn't fix

our situation. They couldn't change it. They couldn't take care of that big

medical bill. But they could help us. They could support us our small

group delivered meals to us. Our friend Kim came and sat with Lauren while

I had to go to work. Lauren's mom got on a plane immediately and

flew up, and she was so helpful around the house and doing things that

we didn't have time or a capacity to do. She really helped out with

things like doing the laundry. We relied on our friends. Rely on your

friends. You don't have to be in control to be a good friend,

support help. What did Jesus say, Remain here with me? Sometimes we

just need to be there. I want to end today by recognizing that you

may be hearing these words and you may feel like your life is out of

control, and I wonder today have you surrendered your life to Jesus today?

You may be living far from God, you may be living in sin,

you may be disconnected from the Lord, and you're trying to manage it.

You're trying to control it, You're trying just to figure it all out on

your own. I want to tell you that throughout my whole life, there's

been one common theme in my life. Ever since I started following Jesus,

There's been this one theme in my life, and that theme is surrender.

When I was living in when I was struggling with addiction, when I was

living in this brokenness and rebellion to God, I carried a lot of shame.

I carried a lot of guilt. I was hiding a lot. I

was wearing this mask, and I was ashamed of my shame. And I

was tired of the lies. And I was tired of the secrets. And

the more I tried to control it, the worse it got. The more

I tried to handle it, the worst it got. The more I tried

to manage it on my own, the worst that it got. Until finally,

one day I just had enough, and I cried out to the Lord.

I told him I was tired of the shame. I was tired of

the lies. I was tired of the secrets. And I prayed a simple

prayer that day. I'll never forget the three words that I said to God.

That afternoon, I said, God, take control. That was my

prayer, God take control. And he did. He changed me, He

transformed me, he freed me, he forgot I'm a different person because I

surrendered to the Father. And so today, if you have not surrendered your

life to the Father, This is your invitation, this is your opportunity.

Would you join me in a moment of prayer. Would you bow your head

and close your eyes with me? And today, if you have not surrendered

your life to the Lord and you want to make that decision, I invite

you to pray this simple prayer. Just repeat after me, say, Dear

God, I admit that I'm a sinner and I need your forgiveness. I

believe Jesus died from my sins and rose from the dead to save me.

Today I confess that Jesus is Lord of my life. Today I'm giving control.

And now I want to recognize that there may be many of us here

who have been following Jesus. You've trusted Jesus, but is there something in

your life that you're holding on to. Is there something that you don't trust

him with? Is there something that you need to surrender today? Would you

use this moment to pray to the Lord and surrender that thing? Surrender that

stressor surrender that decision, Surrender that relationship in this moment, surrender it to him.