I Need A Miracle: Week 3

You know, families are beautiful, and families are complicated, and some families

are just messy. I was talking with my friend who's the senior pastor of

another church, and he was explaining some of the relationship dynamics in his staff

team. And he told me that there's an associate pastor at the church who

has two adult daughters. One of the daughters is the worship leader at the

church, and she's married to the tech director at the church. And the

second daughter is dating another employee from the church, and that employee's boss is

the daughter's fathers. And so my friend, the senior pastor, he said,

pray for us because a bad Thanksgiving could mess up our old church.

Families are messy, relationships are complicated. If I were to give you a

snapshot of my family, you would see a lot of complexity. My family

has great examples of loyalty and trust, but there's also things in my family

where there's emotional cutoff, there's been betrayal, there's been emotional codependency in my

family. We've experienced divorce, we've experienced family passing away untimely debts. We've

gone through betrayal, we've gone through deceited. We've had step parents, we've

had step siblings, we've had adopted children, new babies. In one word,

my family is complex, but my family has also experienced God's healing and

has experienced God's miracles in many ways. I don't know what relationship is causing

you some tension. I don't know what are the dynamics in your family.

It might be a dating relationship, it might be a roommate situation, and

you might be praying, I need a miracle? God, would you change

me? God, would you change them and do a miracle in them?

There might be families here who are even You've suffered a loss, and as

we turn toward the holidays, things that loss, in that grief gets magnified.

You might have a very difficult situation or an issue that you're trying to

resolve. There might be some deep wounds in your relationships, and you're praying

I need a miracle. Well, I want to share the title of this

message today. The title of this message I'm calling Stirring the Pot how God

heals relationships. Stirring the pot because every family is kind of like a big

pot of soup. You've got all your ingredients you've got all your relationships,

and you know there are some ingredients that you know, we just don't really

care for. You know, I personally I'm not a big fan of ions,

but they're gonna be in the pot, They're gonna be in the soup.

I just got to deal with the onions, you know, kind of

like that cousin that you just cook. You don't have to sit next to

that family dinner. And then you've got the spices, cayenne, pepper,

you mix that, and that's the family drama that use everything spice, you

know, hat get you here? You know, all the gossip and they

don't tell anybody this. And then there's the broth, you know, the

broth keeps everything together. And then that's that's the family members who just want

to make everybody happy. Just can't we get through this together? And then

as I was thinking about this, you know there's some chilies and soups that

call for a bay leaf as an ingredient. What is a bay leaf?

I mean do you eat it? I mean do you do? You take

it out? It's like that one relative where you say, how are we

related? Again? For my mom, that's the bay leaf. And sometimes

in all that complexity. Sometimes we stirre the pine resentable gossip, drama,

stirs the pop, half true, stirred the pop. Prayer requests you know

what I'm talking about? Can stir the pope? Betrays a stirred the pop.

And some of us are walking around on eggshells in these relationships because it's

like I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do.

I'm afraid that it all stir the pop and I'm gonna make a big mess.

And you're praying I need a miracle. Every family is different, every

relationship is different. Only God can bring healing into relationships, and you can

provide some of the right ingredients for him to work with. And so this

is the big idea today, the main point of this message that I'd like

you to remember today, and that is choose the right ingredients. You can

choose the right ingredients. Only God can do the healing. Only God can

do the miracle, but we can bring some of the ingredients. And choosing

the right ingredients is very important. I know a young lady who brought her

boyfriend home for dinner to meet her parents, and the boyfriend had a very

bad tree nut allergy, and so the parents were very careful to prepare dinner

with that in mind. After dinner, the mom was serving some fresh bake

cookies and when the boy took by of the cookie, he started to feel

a little bit funny, and so he asked, are there nuts in this

cookie? And the mom said, no, absolutely not. I was extremely

careful. All the ingredients are healthy. In fact, I used almond flour.

Thankfully, a young guy had an EPI pen nearby, and this didn't

hurt the relationship too bad, because eventually that couple did get married. But

the ingredients matter. Choosing the right ingredients matter. And so you can decide

are you gonna stir the pot or are you gonna add the right ingredients.

When you came in today, you should have received a little wooden spoon.

And this is just a reminder of what we're talking about today, something for

you to take home as a token, as a reminder, as a marker

that when there's complexity, when there's difficulty, when there's conflict, choose the

right ingredients. And so today we're gonna look in the Bible at a family

in Genesis chapter twenty five, and this family is complex. This family is

a little bit dysfunctional, and we're gonna learn from this family about how to

choose the right ingredients. So the two parents in this family are Isaac and

Rebecca, and Isaac and Rebecca are expecting the birth of twin boys, Esau

and Jacob. And when the boys are born, Esau is delivered first and

then Jacob is born, and immediately there's some dynamics at play here. Let's

take a look at Genesis twenty five, verse twenty seven. When the boys

grew up. Esau was a skillful hunter, a man of the field,

while Jacob was a quiet man, dwelling intents. Isaac, that's the father,

loved Esau because he ate of his game. But Rebecca, the mother,

loved Jacob. Already, we've got some dysfunction in this family, mom

and dad playing favorites. These boys were doomed from the womb. They're stern

topot. And the story that we're gonna look at spans across Genesis chapter twenty

four all the way from Genesis chapter thirty eight, and we don't have time

to look at all of the story, all of the details. So today

what I'm gonna do is highlight a few themes and a few examples from this

family, so we can learn to choose the right ingredients. Let's keep reading.

In verse twenty nine, Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came

in from the field, and he was exhausted. And Esauce said to Jacob,

let me eat some of that red stew, for I'm exhausted. Therefore

his name was called eat them. Jacob said, sell me your birthrights,

and Esau said, I'm about to die. Of what use is a birthright

to me? Verse thirty three. Jacob said, swear to me now.

So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave

Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went

his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright. So the birthright in this ancient

culture was a big deal, even though these boys were twins. Because Esau

was delivered first, he inherited the birthright, and the birthright in this culture

entitled that child to the full inheritance of their family, of their parents.

In some cases it was one hundred percent of the parent's wealth, and other

cases it might be a double portion, like two thirds of the wealth.

But in whatever case, because Esau had the birthright, he was entitled to

more. So this is a big deal. But Jacob sees an opportunity.

Jacob, while he's stirring the pot of stew, stirs the family pot a

little bit, and he swindles his brother out of his birthright and Esau stews

over his stew. But things get a lot more complicated for these boys as

the family keeps stirring the pot. So let's keep reading. Genesis twenty seven,

verse six. Rebecca the mother said to her son Jacob, I heard

your father speak to your brother Esau. Bring me game and prepare for me

delicious food that I may eat it, and bless you before the Lord before

I die. Now, Rebecca overheard the father talking to Esau telling him that

he's going to bless Esau. In this context, the father's blessing is a

big deal. Now, the father could bless any child that he wanted.

The blessing is different than the birthright. The birthright goes to the firstborn.

The blessing is whomever the father wants to give it to, and it could

be compared to our modern times to like a last will and Testament. The

blessing was more than just a prayer. It was more than just good wishes.

The blessing was a binding, legal effect. So whatever the father said

in that blessing, it was established. It couldn't be taken back, It

couldn't be revoked, it could not be changed. And so he's going to

bless But look at what Mom says stern the pot. In verse nine,

she says to Jacob, go to the flock and bring me two good young

goats, so that I may prepare from them a delicious food for your father,

such as he loves. And you she's talking to, Jacob, shall

bring it to your father to eat, so that he may bless you before

he dies. Mom is string the pot. See their father at this time,

he was in old age, and he was nearly blind, so he

couldn't see very well. So Jacob puts on goat's hair on his arms and

on his face to impersonate Esau's harry arms in Esau's beard, and Jacob stirs

the pot. Look at verse twenty two. So Jacob went near to Isaac's

father, who felt him and said, the voice is Jacob's voice, but

the hands are the hands of Esau, and he did not recognize him because

his hands were harry like his brother. Esau's hands blessed him. Remember,

the father's blessing cannot be rescinded. Once it's been given, it cannot be

taken back. It cannot be changed. There are some wounds in relationships that

can't be changed. There is some hurt in relationships that can't be taken back.

That betrayal can't be fixed. The hurtful words we said that we can't

get back. The damage is done. How do you think Esau responded when

he found out what Jacob did? Look at Verse forty one. Esau held

a grudge against Jacob. This family stirs the pop. I remember the first

Christmas in my family after my parents divorced, and it was messy. It's

just messy. Everyone was stirring the pop. There was a custody agreement between

my mom and my mom and my dad and my brother and I were going

to spend Christmas Eve with Mom and then go with Dad for Christmas Day.

And to make it more complex, my dad's birthday is on Christmas Day,

and so it was just messy. And when Dad came to pick us up

from moms. There was an argument, there were tears, there were hurt

feelings. It was just messy. Everyone was stirring the pop I don't know

what difficult relationship you might have in your life. I don't know what's stressing

you. I don't know what miracle you might be praying for. But I

know that God loves you, that God wants to heal that hurt, that

God wants to bring reconciliation. I know that God can work a miracle,

and I want to encourage you today choose the right ingredients. You can't produce

a miracle, you can't manufacture the miracle, but we can bring some of

the ingredients to God and let him use those ingredients to work a miracle.

And so today I want to share a few ingredients that might be helpful to

whatever you might encounter in your life. And that spoon that you received is

just a reminder to go on with you to choose the right ingredients. Now,

some of these points may not be helpful to you, some of them

may not all apply to you, but there may be a few of them

that are going to be helpful to the miracle that God wants to do in

your relationships. So it's point number one. Sometimes it takes processing how you

feel. Sometimes it just takes processing how you feel. There was a time

Lauren and I were processing a really difficult family hurt and some tragedy, and

we were processing it differently this situation. I was handling it in my way

and Lauren was handling it in her way, and our emotional health was just

struggling, and so we needed some help, and so we sought the help

from a professional Christian counselor, and we went to counseling, and that was

a great place to help us process our grief and process our feelings in a

way that we could help one another and heal from that hurt. Processing how

you feel can help your relationships. It might be the right ingredient to bring

healing, to bringing a miracle. Processing how you feel, naming those feelings,

Naming anger or disappointment or fear, those things can help you in work

relationships and dating relationships. Knowing and understanding how you feel. In our text

Esau, the older of the twins, he did not process his emotions very

well. Notice his progression. First he despises his birthright. Then he holds

a grudge against his brother, and then he has so much anger that he

wants to kill his brother. Look at Genesis twenty seven, verse forty two.

When Rebecca was told what her older son Esau had said, she sent

for her younger son, Jacob and said to him, your brother Esau is

planning to avenge himself by killing you. Now, then my son, do

what I say, flee at once to my brother Laban in Haraan. Notice

this word here, avenge. Esau is planning to avenge himself. This word

avenge is the Hebrew word that is properly translated to to console or to comfort.

In almost every example that this word is used in the Old Testament,

it has a positive meaning like comforting hurt, comforting pain, comforting grief.

Esau is so emotionally unwell and so emotionally worked up that he wants to console

his hurt, pride, console his ego by killing his brother. This man

is not emotionally unwell. Sometimes it takes processing how you feel. Now in

this story, we meet a new character, good old Uncle Laban. Jacob's

mom sends him to Uncle Laban. Now, Uncle Laban, he's kind of

like that rich uncle that you might have, or that rich relative that you

don't see all the time. They just kind of show up at holidays,

and they've got stories about their successes and stories about their travels, and then

just as abruptly as they show up, they're gone, and you just don't

hear from them for a while after that. That's Uncle Laban and Uncle Laban

has two daughters, Leah and Rachel, and Jacob lives with Uncle Laban for

some time, and after a while he falls in love with one of the

daughters, Rachel, and asks to marry her. Well, Uncle Laban sees

a business opportunity in this arranged marriage. Take a look at Genesis twenty nine,

verse eighteen. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, I'll work

for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel. Laban said,

it's better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay

here with me. So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they

seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

Now, if you keep reading in this part of Jacob's story, you'll see

that Laban is actually a pretty manipulative guy, and he uses both of his

daughters to manipulate Jacob into working for him more than just seven years. And

I want to point out that nobody asked the daughters what they thought about this

arrangement, and this sadly, and this patriarchal culture, women and daughters were

mistreated and had did not have the same rights as men. Laban stirs the

pot and he manipulates Jacob into working for him for twenty years, not just

seven years, and he uses his daughter's little pawns in his game, and

Jacob ends up marrying both daughters, not just Rachel. This family is complex

and dysfunctional, and after twenty years, Jacob is frustrated and he complains to

Rachel and Leah Genesis thirty one, verse six. He says, you know

that I've worked for your father with all my strength, yet your father has

cheated me by changing my wages ten times. One researcher looked at this family

story through the lens of family systems theory, and this researcher wrote, Laban

has a poor concept of boundaries, since he has unwilling to recognize the separation

between his own property and family and the property and family of Jacob. This

is the second ingredient that might help heal relational pain. Sometimes it takes healthy

boundaries. Sometimes it takes saying no and sticking to that. Now, you

may not be caught up in a messy family business or an arranged marriage like

Jacob, but has a relative cross some boundaries. Has a friend or a

relationship taken advantage of your kindness? Have you felt used healthy boundaries might be

the right ingredient. It might be that family member that just doesn't take no

for an answer. It could be an ex that stirs the pot. Divorced

parents, step parents trying to co parent need healthy boundaries in my life.

I've been working with my counselor to create some healthy boundaries for myself because I've

got this unhealthy habit that sometimes when someone comes to me upset or disappointed,

I feel this compulsion to say I'm sorry and apologize. And now I want

to be clear. I want to be someone who apologizes when it's my responsibility,

when I've made a mistake, when I need to own my stuff.

But I'm talking about where someone's upset and it's nothing that I did, And

sometimes I want to take on responsibility that's not mine. And I told my

counselor, I say that because I think that's what that person wants to hear.

And so now I'm trying to work to create boundaries where I only apologize

for my mistakes and not just tell people what I think they want to hear.

You can't force someone else to follow boundaries, but you can set up

boundaries for yourself. Healthy boundaries might be the right ingredient to bring some healing

and moving on. And so in this story, Jacob has had enough of

his uncle's manipulation, and so Jacob stirs the pot a little bit, and

you can keep reading. But he stirs the pot and he creates this business

deal with Laban that sounds like a good deal for Laban, but Jacob act

actually defrauds Laban out of most of his wealth. And after he's defrauded him,

after he stood the pot, Jacob runs away. Let's keep reading here.

In Genesis thirty one, verse twenty, Jacob deceived Laban the Aramian by

not telling him he was running away, so he fled with all that he

had. Just like Jacob ran away from his brother, Jacob avoids confronting his

uncle. This is point number three. Sometimes it takes an honest conversation that

might be the right ingredient for you. It might take an honest conversation.

Once I was having a conversation with a relative of mine, and surprisingly,

my relative made a comment that surprised me. It caught me off guard.

And I can't share too many of the private details, but this remark had

something to do with some pain in both of our pasts, and it caught

me off guard. And I had this moment where I thought to myself,

Okay, am I gonna ignore that comment? Am I gonna avoid that?

Or am I gonna initiate an honest conversation? And so I took a moment.

I just prayed for some courage, and then I spoke up and I

said, I heard you say this, and I was wondering if we could

talk about it. If you don't want to talk about it, I respect

that, but I'm just wondering if you can help clarify some things. And

then we entered an honest conversation, a humble conversation, a kind conversation,

and it revealed some things and we both received some healing from some things in

our past. Sometimes it takes an honest conversation. Eventually, Jacob works up

the courage to talk to his uncle man to man, and here's what he

says. In Genesis thirty one, verse forty, Jacob says, this was

my situation. The heat consumed me in the daytime, and the cold at

night, and sleep fled from my eyes. Now, I think Jacob's being

a little over dramatic here, but he's trying to have an honest conversation.

It was like this for twenty years. The twenty years I was in your

household. I worked for you fourteen years, for your two daughters, in

six years for your flocks, and you change my wages ten times. It's

having an honest conversation. After this honest conversation, Jacob and Laban peacefully go

their separate ways. Laban kisses his grandchildren, hugs his daughters, and there's

peace. Sometimes it takes an honest conversation. Can I give you some advice

about having an honest conversation in a relationship. It's some of the best advice

that I've received. Do your best to always use I language, not you

language. I language things like I feel, I think, I heard,

I observe, I notice. I language is less threatenings. You're speaking from

your first person perspective. Avoid you language, things like you always or you

did this, you did that, or your motives. No, just use

I language. It's a non threatening way. It doesn't make people defensive.

Have an honest conversation. So Jacob has lived twenty years apart from his brother

and his parents, and now he decides it's time to go back home.

But Jacob has no idea how his brother Esau is going to receive him,

and so Jacob sends some messengers ahead of him to test the waters with Esau.

And we read in Genesis thirty two, verse six, when the messengers

returned to Jacob, they said, we went to your brother Esau, and

now he's coming to meet you. Twenty years is a long time for these

brothers to have not seen each other. Twenty years is a long time for

separation. And this is the next point. Sometimes it takes more time.

Sometimes that's the ingredient. It just takes more time. You know. There's

an old saying that says time heals all wounds. I don't believe that's one

hundred percent true. I'd like to rephrase that and say, sometimes, some

time some wounds. It's not one hundred percent true, but sometimes it takes

more time, and this is especially true when families are grieving, when couples

are grieving, when you and the person you're dating are going through a loss

or a tragedy. When there's grief, it takes more time sometimes because people

grieve differently. It takes time to process how you feel, It takes time

to think and pray. It takes more time to heal from that loss.

And we can never judge or condemn someone else as they navigate the grief process

on their journey, but we can walk with them. When Lauren and I

moved to Indianapolis more than four years ago, we knew that God was calling

us here. We had prayed about this, We were committed, and we

knew that God was leading us. But it was still difficult to say goodbye

to friends and family, and it was especially difficult for Lauren. And I'll

remember the most helpful thing that Lauren said to me in that moving process.

She said, I'm going to cry a lot. It doesn't mean I don't

want to move, but I'm gonna be really sad. I'm gonna cry a

lot. In fact, both of us cried a lot. Sometimes it just

takes time. Lauren, and I have navigated loss and hurt, and we've

navigated it differently. There's been times where Lauren takes something super hard and it

takes for a long time to grieve, and on the other hand, I

just kind of get over it quickly. And there's been other examples where I'm

taking something super personal and I'm grieving and Lauren patiently walks with me on that

journey. Sometimes it just takes time. No matter what difficulty you're in,

God can do a miracle, no matter what situation, no matter what tragedy,

no matter what conflict you are in, God can do a miracle.

God can bring healing, God can restore, God can renew trust, and

God can bring hope in that situation. God can bring a miracle. You

can't make the miracle, but you can choose some of the right ingredients.

Maybe some of these ingredients are helpful, maybe one or two of them can

help unlock some healing. But there's one ingredient that is essential. Every time.

It takes forgiveness. Every time, it always takes forgiveness for God to

do a miracle. It always takes forgiveness to resolve an issue in a relationship.

Forgiveness is the most essential ingredient. And so in this story, Jacob

sent messengers ahead to his brother. And now these two brothers are gonna see

each other after twenty years of being a part. What's gonna happen? Are

they gonna reconcile? Are they gonna forgive? Is there gonna be a fight?

Well, here's what we read in Genesis thirty three, Verse one.

Jacob looked up and there was Esau. He himself went on ahead and bowed

down to the ground seven times as he approached his brother. Now, Jacob's

bowing down to his brother is more than just a sign of respect. What

he's doing. Jacob is bowing down with his face to the ground, and

he is saying I'm sorry, I admit my wrong and he's asked forgiveness.

He's humbling himself. Another way to look at it is Jacob is showing Esau,

I'm not carrying any weapons. I'm not here to fight you. He's

in a vulnerable position, and so if Esau wants to get revenge, nothing's

stopping him. And then here's what we read in verse four. But Esau

ran to meet Jacob and embraced him. He threw his arms around his neck

and kissed him and they wept. After twenty years, these brothers are reconciled,

after twenty years of pain, they forgive. It takes forgiveness every time.

It takes forgiveness every time. Now, I want to be clear,

forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation. It does not always equal trust. We

should seek reconciliation because we're followers of Jesus. He wants us to seek reconciliation.

But remember, it takes two people working to be reconciled, but it

only just takes one person to forgive. That's our part. God has to

worry the reconciliation. God has to do the miracle. There are wounds and

there are scars that God can heal, But healing does not always include trust.

It doesn't always include relationship. Again, but we can forgive because forgiveness

means letting go of bitterness and letting go of resentment so that God can heal

you. I once was carrying a lot of bitterness toward one person. I

just had this resentment, had this bitterness toward them, and I did not

deal with my feelings. I just stuffed it and ignored it until one day

I saw that person face to face, and I got triggered and I felt

that resentment rising up in me. I felt stress pumping through my body and

I just wanted to lash out because I was so bitter. And so I

realized I needed some work to do, and so I had to bring this

to the Lord. I had to confess to the Lord. And I was

in a place in a worship service just like this, and there were kneeling

alters just like the ones we have in this room, and I felt the

Lord inviting me to take a knee, just like Jacob bowing down and asking

for forgiveness. I took a knee at an altar and I said, God,

I need to confess this resentment and I want to repent from it.

I need you to heal me. And the Lord healed me. Sometimes forgiveness

is not a one time thing. Sometimes we have to repeatedly remind ourselves that

we've chosen forgiveness. Because a few years after that moment that I was healed

and I forgave that person and let go of bitterness. A few years later,

I saw that person again and I started to feel that resentment come up.

But then God's Holy Spirit reminded me. No, Andrew, you let

go of resentment, you let go of bitterness. You've been healed, you've

been cleansed, you've been transformed. And I was able to have peace because,

just like Jacob, I prostrated myself and gave it over to the Lord.

It takes forgiveness every time. You may be stirring the pot. You

may be fuming, angry, judging, emotionally cut off. Maybe God's just

inviting you today to put down your spoon and forgive. Do you need to

confess your wrong and own up your part in the conflict. If you're waiting

for someone else to come to you and admit what they did to you is

wrong, you might be waiting for a really long time. So why not

take the first step and offer forgiveness? Would you hold your spoon there in

your hand? What miracle are you praying for? What healing do you need

in a relationship? What restoration do you need? What closure do you need?

I don't know what's going on in your relationships. I don't know what

the dynamics are. I don't know what the history is. But I know

that God can heal. I know God can restore. I know God can

set you free. Choose the right ingredients, always, always choose forgiveness.

As we close today, I want to invite you to respond to the message

that we've heard. I want to invite you to stand with me right now,

and I'm going to invite our prayer partner team. They're gonna come forward

and be available, and when I finished speaking, our worship team is going

to lead us in a couple songs of worship. And while we're singing,

I want to invite you to respond to this message. And if you would

like to come forward to these alters to my right and to my left and

take a knee and pray to God, you are invited to do that and

to respond. Maybe you need to respond and ask for forgiveness. Maybe you

need to ask for courage to forgive somebody. Or maybe there's a dynamic,

there's a complexity, there's a mess that you're going through and you're at your

wits and you need a miracle. Come to the altar and take a knee,

just like I did when I was fuming with that bitterness. I needed

God to heal me, just like Jacob knelt before his brother. When we

kneel, we're saying, God, we need more of you. And if

you'd like someone to pray with you, or our prayer partner teams are available,

you can just approach them and ask ask them to pray with you if

you'd like that instead. But I want to pray over us, and then

this invitation is open for us to respond. Father, God, would you

draw us near to your presence today? God? God, would you draw

us closer to healing and more of your grace and more of your love.

God. I pray for the marriage that needs more of your love here.

God. I pray for the parent and the child relationship where there's been distrust

and there's been competition. God, would you resolve that. Father God.

For the wounds from the past that keep flaring up and keep coming back up.

God, would you eliminate that baggage today. God, turn those wounds

into scars to day heal them. God, God, we come to you

and we want more of your grace and more of your healing. And I

pray all this in Jesus' name. Amen.