Lessons from the Life of Job: Week 3

Good morning, Happy Father's Day, and we're so glad that

you decided to spend that day with us today and

we hope that all of you are blessed.

We're excited about diving into our third week of the

Book of Job.

Now, before we jump into that, I just got a

little quick update at our neighborhood market where we serve

people with their grocery needs, those who are struggling financially.

Yesterday was I think our biggest day we've ever had there.

Yesterday we serve nineteen new families, eighty four total families,

and that represented three hundred and fifteen people. So can

we give the Lord a praise and so thank you

for all the volunteers. Our shelves are about empty and

so it was a good day, but also shows you

the great need in our community to help those who

are struggling. Now here's what I love about this week.

This message is going to help us all become better friends,

better small group members, and Sunday School class members because

we're gonna talk about how to give advice and how

not to give advice to those who are going through

some tough times. It's gonna make us a better church

and so I'm excited about diving in today.

Will you pray with me? God, we give you prayse today.

We thank you for the opportunity to worship you, to

seek you, and now, Father, challenge us and grow us

today in Jesus' name, Amen, I consider myself and advice collector.

I love getting good advice.

I will seek somebody out, especially if they are an

expert in what they do, and I will pick their

brain and I'll ask them a hundred questions. And I

love having groups of people around me to help me

as I process ideas. I love getting good advice. I

love reading good books. I love axioms and quotes. I'm

always seeking out better advice. And I've gotten some pretty

good advice in my life. So let's think it back

this week. Over the years, I remember my first really

good piece of advice that I grabbed a hold of

as a young boy. We were on our way home

from a ceramics show. My family had a ceramic business,

and we were on our way home from that in

a blue van going back into Middletown, and we were talking,

my dad and I about Pete Rose, who was about

ready to break Ty Cobb's record so even though I

look very young, there is a little age on me.

And so we're talking about that.

And my dad, who knew baseball was my life and

I played baseball for many many years, he said to me,

he does all that matters is just get on base.

And then we talked about that, and he says, you know,

a walk is just as good as a hit, and

if you're swinging for home runs all the time, you're

going to strike out a lot. The best way to

help your team is just get on bass. And man,

that sounded like good advice to me, and I switched

my approach.

And here I am just a young man.

But for the rest of the seasons that I played,

probably about the next seven or eight seasons. Every year,

I'm more than likely, most likely, And in certain years

I do know that I had the highest batan average

in the league. I hardly ever struck out. Now, I

wasn't the best player, wasn't the most talented. I was

the pickiest player, okay, and I was.

Looking for a walk.

Or a single because doubles, I mean, the bases are

so far apart. But anyways, but every time I got

up to bat, this was my dad's voice. Was in

my head. Just get on base. That was in my head.

And you know what, It's funny because once I became

a pastor and a preacher.

I actually applied that to my sermon writing.

I'm not gonna try to hit a home run every

single week and rattle the crowd up and do all

sort of stuff.

I want to just.

Get on base every week and be consistent because I

believe that over time, that's what matters. And so I've

always thinking, like, all right, this week, just go for

a double, James. Just be solid and consistent, get on

base this week, make make some points, teach some people,

and you don't got to go for it all. Just

be solid, be consistent. And so that advice has helped

me throughout my whole life. I've gotten some other great

pieces of advice. During a season when I was still

the youth pastor in Pittsburgh, there were some people, and

it's gonna be shocking to you, I know, there were

some people who did not appreciate my personality. And it

was I was baffled and.

And it really it boiled down to.

I was hard to have a serious conversation with because

I'm a jokester. So if you come to me and

you're sad, I want to make you smile, so I

wanna make a joke. Or if we're talking about something

deep and I'm like, we're going too far into the deep,

lant me make a joke and lighten the mood. And

I did that. Some people did not appreciate that, and

and I got some.

Feedback that was pretty negative.

And and I was talking to Tim, and Tim and

I we were on the way to Robinson Mall. I'll

never forget it, right by the Longhorn Steakhouse when he

looked at me and said, you do know that it's

not your job in life to make people laugh. And man,

that just released for some reason, I just released a

huge burden. And after that I was able to become

so much more present. Now I still fell You've probably

been a victim of this, but I I was a

would become present and a better pastor. And that was

really good, very very good, solid advice. And then one

of the best pieces of advice I ever got in

my life. Just a few years ago, I was a

couple of years to pastor in this church and was

in the middle of the pandemic, and one of our

members had heard some of my stories. They knew what

I was going through in my personal life, and they

asked me to go to the Metropolitan Diner. We met

at a Metropolitan Diner and then he said, in a

very very humble way, James, I've been listening to your stories.

I know a lot what's going on in your life.

I've been praying about this, and I just wanted to

offer it up to you and take it from what

it is. But I really think you need to go

see a counselor. I think you need to have somebody

walking with you in life through this. That was and

then he gave me the name of the counselor that

changed my life. Better pastor, better dad, better husband, I

mean all around better human being. And you know what,

someone who loved me cared enough about me to give

me some really good advice at the right moment. And

now do you know something about all of those pieces

of advice. I could tell you where I was at,

where I was going, who I was with. Why, Because

great advice makes a huge impact in our life.

I think all of us have gotten really good advice.

I also think all of us have gotten some really bad.

Advice over the years, I'll still never forget. My dad

was having open heart surgery. We were at the Christ

Hospital in Cincinnati and been there that day, and we're

all in a waiting room because you remember back in

the day when heart surgery you were up there like

a whole week and the whole family was scared to death,

and you know, now it's like outpatient. I don't know,

but uh, you know. And so I'm up here, I'm

studying my Greek homework. And another pastor who had been

loving all my family that whole day, had been up

there for hours, like since six o'clock in the morning.

He looked at me and goes, what are you doing?

I said, I'm studying Greek while you studying Greek? Said

for my masters of Divinity. He says, boy, that is

an absolute waste of time. And did anyone want to

explain to me why I did not need a master's degree?

And first of all, when someone's working hard to improve themselves,

don't tell them they're wasting their time. Second of all,

don't do it while they're actually working on it. And

what was interesting was when he left, there was two

other family members in there that heard that, and they

both have master's degrees. And here's the thing. Here's this

guy who done an amazing job of ministering to the family.

But when he left, guess what they wanted to talk about?

That horrible advice, all his good and that's what they

focused on. Now here's what I want you to know

about that guy, incredible man, incredible pastor, incredible father, because

here's what I found. Often, bad advice does not come

from bad people. Often bad advice comes from people who

actually care about you and they want to help you.

They want to help you.

The first time I got asked to preach on a Sunday.

Morning's doing my internship and I'm there on a Wednesday

practicing my sermon in the sanctuary and the senior pastor

walks in.

He goes, what are you doing? I said, I'm practicing

my sermon.

He goes, who whoa whoah. You can't do that, Like,

what do you mean? He goes, no, no, no, no, you

gotta wait till Sunday and then the Holy Spirit will

tell you what to say. And I said, why can't

that Holy Spirit tell me today?

I wasn't even trying to be funny.

I was like, cannot the Holy spirit.

And you know what, he laughed.

And then he just waved his hand like that and

continued to walk on.

And you know, and here's the thing.

He was an extemporaneous preacher, and he expected that maybe

I should be an exemporaneous preacher. I'm not an extemporaneous preacher,

Michael Thickpin.

He has that gift.

I gotta do research, I gotta study anything that I say.

This extemporaneous is a bad joke, okay, And so I

needed to lean in on my gifting. Let me tell

you something else about that man, godly man, wonderful father, grandfather,

a good friend. Again, bad advice often comes from people

who really care. So that's why this message is important

for us today because I believe that we all care

about our friends, we care about each other, we care

about our church. But when we get into small groups

where we're getting too conversations or Sunday school or out

there in a lobby, we hear about somebody struggle, we

want to fix them, we want to help them, and

more often than not, we don't give the best advice.

And so today we want to talk about that job

has a lot to.

Teach us about how to help people.

And here's why it matters, because when someone is suffering,

someone is in pain, and you give them advice.

It weighs so much more.

They will remember exactly what you said and when you

said it, and the more likely, if it was bad,

they will quote it. So I want every quote that

comes out of our church to be full of wisdom, love, hope,

and grace, because that's part of our witness to this community.

So Job has an awful lot to teach us about that.

So let's go ahead and catch up on Job.

If you've not been here the first few weeks of

our series, let me just catch you up, all right.

As we look at Job, we meet a man who says.

Here was honest inside and out, a man of his word,

totally devoted to God. He was a man of God.

He had a large family, great wealth, and made the

reputation than Boom. One day everything fell apart as all

of his livestock, his workers, his wealth, and then most tragically,

his children. And in the midst of this unimaginable loss,

this is why we study him, Okay, because he said

this God gives, God takes God's name be ever blessed.

He did not curse God. He worshiped God. That's why

we study him, all right. We get to chapter two

and he starts getting sores and he's in a lot

of pain, and so his wife looks at him and says,

why don't you just curse God and die? Not good advice.

Chapter three, it's become overwhelming. He's an agony, and finally

he speaks up to his friends. See three friends came

and hung out with him for seven days, and finally

that pains too much and he pours out his heart.

He opens up and says, guise, I am hurt.

I am hurting.

He's in this misery and he even wishes that maybe

he had not been born so he would have to suffer.

Here's the thing you need to know about him. Even

though Job questions why he must live in misery, he

never curses God's name. And so after all this deep anguish,

he finally opens up. Then his friends decide it's time

to give him advice. And this is where the train

gets off the tracks. Okay, and this is what we're

going to be looking at today. So the first thing

we learn is that well meaning words can sometimes leave wounds.

The first friend to respond is elephas. Now here's what

you need to understand. Imagine a scene. He's broken, he's hurting,

and Aliphas clears his throat and he says, all right,

would you mind if I say something to you? Under

circumstances it's hard to keep quiet. So first he sounds gentle.

Then he brings up his past kindness. He says, Job,

you yourself, you've done this plenty of times. You've spoken

words that clarify, that encourage people who are by ready to.

Quit in life.

Your words have put stumbling people back on their feet.

And he says, Job, you've done a lot of good things,

and you give a lot of good advice.

And then he pivots. He pivots.

He shouldn't have pivoted, but he pivots. He says, but

now you're the one in trouble. Shouldn't your devout life

give you confidence? Now? Think this is where he meddles.

All right, has a truly innocent person ever ended up

on the scrap heap? Do upright people ever lose out

in the end? And he says, Job, I hate to

tell you this, but I think, in my observation, there's

a reason why you're suffering. And then he goes on,

it's my observation that those who plow evil and sow

trouble reap evil and trouble. In other words, Job, every

time I see someone's life become miserable, all.

I got to look at is, Man.

They made their bed. So you've done something evil to

bring this moment on. Oh Man, I was thinking about

that this week, and I was thinking, like man, like,

how much was his mind blown when he heard his

friend who's seen all that happen to him say, Job,

surely you've done something evil? And I started to thinking

how would I feel if one of my friends said

that to me? And I started to work on it

and type it out. Then I had to erase it

because I liked my job and I can't say those words.

I would be angry.

I mean, I would be incensed if somebody said that

to me in that broken moment. And I wish that

the next part of the Bible said that. And Job

lifted up his hand and choketh the fast because I

feel like that's what he's happened at this moment, Like, Man,

are you kidding me? My kids are dead and you

think I've done something evil to cause my kids to

be dead. All right. Anyways, so this is not a

good conversation, okay, And then he goes on to say, well,

guess what what a blessing it is when God steps

in and corrects you. True, he wounds, but he also

dresses the wound the same hand that hurts you, heals you.

In other words, congratulations, God has disciplined you, but he

loves you, and he's gonna correct you, and you're gonna

become a better man as a result of all this devastation.

And he says, if you will just go straight to God, repent,

repent of the evil you've done that caused your family

to die, and God will show you his mercy. And

he says, surely the rest of your life you'll arrive

at your grave ripe with many good years. And then

he says, this, all right, I have to think about

this confidence. Yes, this is the way things are, my

word of honor. Take it to heart, and you won't

go wrong. Don't know where he goes. I am convinced

God has God is backing me up with this. I

am convinced.

Take my word, this is why you are suffering.

Now. First of all, this is deeply fauled. Why number

one because he believes that that's suffering is a result

of sin. But we know that that's not why he's suffering.

And he's using over.

Simplistic theology, and we know that he is not suffering

because of his evil, but because of righteousness. And here's

what's going on alofaz. It's advice. It's laced with truth.

And here's what I think happens a lot.

We lace our advice was some biblical truth.

Okay, So yes, God does discipline those he loves, and

maybe it looks like he's being disciplined, but that's not

what's really going on. You see, it's lays with truth

about God's justice. But it was mistimed, misapplied. He gave

a theological lecture when what Job really needed was love

and listening, and instead of comforting him, he just pours

salt on the wound. I know we all want to

be good friends, Chuck Swindle. He says, when you go

to open your mouth, here's something I want you to consider.

He says, if you want to be a good counselor,

it requires timing. Timing is key, okay, and it requires wisdom.

And he's talking about biblical wisdom, patience, and great understanding.

Now you can't have great understanding unless you've listened to

somebody and elephants, he demonstrated none of these. Instead of compassion,

he gives a spiritual diagnosis. And by the way, history

is full of bad advice. People think they're given good advice,

but there they give bad advice and it ends in

disastrous ways. Let's look at some biblical history. When Solomon's

father died, he handed the kingdom over to Rey Boham.

Ray Boham was young and experience, and he had this

huge kingdom. And the people came to him.

And they said, listen, your father was harsh to us,

he was horr on used. But if you'll go light

on us, we'll serve you and we'll defend this nation

and we'll honor you as king. And so he's like,

all right, all right, the way he's up on them,

the way he's up on So he did a really

smart thing. He went to some wise elders who had

worked with his father, and they said, yeah, why don't

you serve them, and then they'll serve you. Take care

of them, they'll take care of.

You great great advice.

But his ego.

He didn't want to be seen as soft.

So then he goes and gathers his buddies, who have

never worked in the kingdom, don't have that experience.

And his buddy said, nah, that's crazy.

Tell them you're gonna even go harder than your father,

and they need to buck up, all right, they need

to just deal with it.

So here's what he actually does. Check this out. He

goes back to the people.

He goes back to the people and he says, my

father made your life hard, but I'm gonna make it harder.

My father beat you with whips, I'm gonna beat you

with And this sounds insane. Scorpions. I don't know how

you do that. But anyways, guess what. The crowd did

not cheer. No, I want you to throw up these

two maps all right, when he made this speech. We

have the map on the left, that's the Kingdom of Israel. Okay,

twelve tribes. Right after he made this speech, the nation

turned into two kingdoms. Ten of the tribes left, they

got a new king, and Israel never again was a

united nation. Now, I was thinking after Thursday night sermon,

on my way home, I was thinking about this, and

you know when we look at their history, the Babylonian

exile on these other nations came and took them over

and put them in slavery. I think a united nation

might have been able to fend someone off, but they're

weaker as a divided nation, all because of some really

bad advice from some guys who did not know what

they were talking about. We see in our own history,

even more modern history, some people taking some really bad advice.

Who in here has heard of the Donner family, raiser hand,

if you've heard of the Donner family, all right, those

of you who have not, yeah, you're in for this

is a pretty messed up story. It was the eighteen

forty so just think about fifteen years before the Civil War,

and people were starting to make their way out west,

and the Donner family and another family decided to all right,

I think it was the Reed family.

They were going to make their way all the way

out to the west. They get to a certain.

Spot and they hear of a short cut it was

called Hastings cut off. And these other explorers, frontiersmen, people

who have been around that way that area said do

not do this, do not do this. Take the old

path it's gonna take longer, but.

Do not take Hastings cut off.

They said, you're gonna run into a dense forest aired

salt flats.

It's not gonna be good.

But they didn't listen. They wanted to take the short cut.

So they take the short cut, and all of a

sudden they started run into such a dense force that

they had to cut through everything. Then they get to

a desert that.

Was insane, and at one point.

To see even get through, they had to dismantle all

their wagons.

And finally they get to Sierra Nevada.

And then the snow begins to fall, and then it

turned into a nightmare, and then families started dying. They

had no food around. It was a bad winter, and

so they resorted to cannibalism, and the next thing you know,

half of the people are left. You want to know

something interesting about Hastens cutoff. The man who wrote a

book about that, and the pamphlet and was selling it

and promoting it his cutof You want to know something

interesting about his cutoff, He had actually never taken that route.

He just thought, looked at a map and said, won't

you just go through a straight line here? And so

all historians agree that this utter devastation was all because

of taking bad advice. Now here's one I want you

to understand here. Each of these cases involved advisors that

were certain they were right, but none of them had

the wisdom or the experience.

All right, think about this la Fast He had never

suffered or lost children. He didn't know what he was

talking about when he was talking to job ray BOM's friends.

They had never led a country, Hayes, things, had never

even went there. See, you gotta be careful, you know,

I try, you know, when people give you advice. I

want to make sure that when I'm getting advised, I'm

going to somebody who's been through something like I'm going

to try to find the person who's already walked this path.

And so I'm often and that's why I have a

huge network of pastor friends that are older than me,

because I say, hey, you have you ever experienced this?

Or do you know who do you know that's experienced this?

Let me get their number onely call them, Because you

gotta be careful with people who are just giving advice.

You want to go to people who know what they're

talking about. And another thing, very cautious of people or

thoughts that offer simple answers to complex problems, especially if

they're sure of it, because often there's nothing.

There is no problem that.

We have that is usually just a very simple answer.

If it was a simple answer, you wouldn't need advice.

So be leary of simple answers to complex problems. So

the second thing we see here today is Job responds

with some honest words from a hurting heart, and he says,

all right, guys, I need to push back a little bit,

he says. He goes, if my miser could be weighed,

it would be heavier than the sand of the sea.

Is it any wonder that I'm screaming like a cage cat?

He says, Guys, I'm hurting. And then he goes on,

God has dumped the whole works on me.

Guys, I'm hurting.

And then he goes and he goes, when a desperate

people give up on God Almighty, their friends at least

just stick with them. Guys, I'm hurting. Why are you

turning against me? I need a friend. And here's the

thing you need understand. I hope we understand this. In

our little communities. If one of us becomes so beaten

down that they're actually struggling in their faith. They need

loyal friends, not lectures. It's okay for them to struggle

for a while. They need a friend. And so Jobe says, listen,

you guys have seen a hard scene. And you shrink

back in fear. He says, God, guys, I'm hurting, and

you're just blaming me.

And then he says, all right. Now he pushes back,

and he says, all right, confront me with the.

Truth and I'll shut up. Show me where I've gone

off track. Honest words, you know what, They've never heard anyone.

But what's the point. I love this, of all.

Of this pious bluster.

I have no idea what that means, but it sounds

to me like an ancient world mic drop, like.

All this pious bluster.

He walks away, like.

You know, and I tell you what.

The next time that somebody's running their mouth to you,

just look at them and say, listen, I'm tired of

all this pious bluster, and then just walk away. Don't

look back, because I'll be going what They'll just be

so shocked they won't know what to do. And so

he says, I don't want to hear any more this

pious bluster bottle. Minus. He needed a friend, not a fix.

He says, look me in the eyes, think it over,

don't double talk. Can you detect anything false to me?

And he inserts his integrity. And let me tell you

that I think this is a wake up call for

so many of us because we rush in to fix

someone's problems with advice. But here's what they need is

they need empathy and silence. And I was I was

praying through the message this week. I realize that as

a pastor, I feel this pressure when you come to

me with the problem or that you're hurting. And because

I feel this pressure, oftentimes I will rush to try

to fix you. And as I'm studying this and thinking

through this, you know I don't I don't believe that

what God has called all in me to do. And

so if I've done that in your life, You've came

to me of something serious and I've either made a

joke just to try to make you happier, or I

try to diagnose it real quick without listening and being

present with you. Please come to me personally and let

me ask for forgiveness. I'm not going to be defensive.

I'm just gonna say I'm sorry, and I'm gonna work

on it. See, I want to be a better friend,

I want to be a better pastor. But we feel

this immense pressure to help people. And see, here's what

we learn from this past is today that cheap comfort

can do real damage. See we judge la Fas harshly

all through the script, commentaries and so on, but many

of us have been in his shoes, fumbled with our

words when our friend's life falls apart, and we say

things that we later regret, like sentences like cheer up,

God in control, or the worst one, everything happens for

a reason. When someone hurting their life just got blown up,

don't look at them and say, well, everything happens for

a reason. So here's what we're gonna do. I've done

this through all the services this weekend. Raise your right hand.

We're gonna make a vow at our church that when

someone's life gets blown up, we will not say that sentence. Okay,

we will not say everything happens for a reason. So

when the count of three, I want everybody to say,

I commit to this. One, two, three, Yeah, We're not

gonna give people just these short answers, or we're gonna

listen to them, We're gonna grieve with them, We're gonna

mourn with them because everything happens for a reason, Like

somebody loses her leg, Like, what do you think the

reason for that is? So they can be a better

potato sacked champion. I mean, like sometimes we say everything

happens for a reason, and that just makes them so

mad if we just listen, though, they feloved. Thank God.

See some really good advice in the Bible. Let me

tell you something that you can tell is really good advice.

Good advice often lifts a burden instead of dumping more

burdens on someone.

Okay, it often lifts a burden. Okay.

That's where you can tell if it's good advice. It's

helping you, it's lifting a.

Burden off of you. We look back at Exodus eighteen.

What do we see. Moses is leading a nation. He

grew up the prince of Egypt. Okay, and now he's

leg a nation and over a million people he's in

charge of. So every day of his life, he gets up,

he goes to the tent, and there's a mile long

line of people wanting him to resolve their disputes.

You know, they stole my goat. He took my tent peg.

All day long, he's at the brink of burnout. Jethrow,

his father in law, observes from one day and then

he says to him, why are you doing this? Why

do you feel like you gotta handle all this by yourself?

Now now? And then he goes on to say this,

He says, listen, what you're doing right now, it's not good.

You're gonna wear yourself out and you're gonna wear the

people out as well. And so what he did, he's

gave him permission to stop trying to be the answer

to everything. And I love this because he does it

at the perfect timing. Because when the nation first started,

if he'd came in, most.

Might have said no, no, no, I got it, I

got it. He waited for perfect timing.

He knew that he was stressed out, and he says,

let me lift a burden off you. And guess what.

Moses took his advice spread leadership out and it worked wonderfully.

But the most important thing was Jethro waited to the

right time. He waited until Moses could see it himself.

What does the Bible, say says, proverb says, everyone enjoys

a fitting reply. It's wonderful to say the right thing

at the right time. And I can't help you understand

enough that bad advice, you know, often happens at.

The wrong time.

You can give good advice, but if it's at the

wrong time, it's still bad advice. That's why you have

to be praying through before speaking. So here's what I

want to do for the rest of the time, and

what I've asked pastor Tim to do is this part.

Through the rest of the message, I'm asking everybody who's

in a small group at our Sunday school two, we're

gonna splice this off and before the school year starts back,

I want everybody to watch this last part together as

a group and discuss it. Because here's what we're gonna discuss.

I'm gonna first of all, say, all right, let's talk

about how to just give bad advice in general, and

then let's talk about how to give bad advice to

people who are suffering, and then we'll end on how

to give good advice. Okay, So that's what we're gonna

do for rest of time. Day We're just gonna walk

right through these pretty quickly. Number One, if you want

to give bad advice, then you speak without wisdom or

without prayer, without seeking God. Okay, see, because there's a

way that seems right to a man, but in the

end it's a way of death. In other words, we

can look at things in this world and we can

have reasonable thoughts, but if it's disconnected from God's wisdom

in God's word, that's not good advice. It's not good.

It might be the best thing for that business, but

if it involves something that's contradictory to God's word, it's

not good advice. It might make you more money, but

it doesn't honor God's word. Number two, Tickling ears instead

of telling truth, often we tell people what we think

they want to hear, just because we want people to

like us. That does not help. That often leads to

bad advice. Also, counsel rooted in self interest. Now, as

a pastor, this is the one that I've gotten most of,

you know, my ministry career. And if somebody comes up

to me and I could sniff out pretty quickly that

what they're really saying needs to happen in the church

for the good of the church is something that they

really want for themselves, are just their small group of friends.

That's when I kind of go, okay, that's this is

all about your self interest. This isn't what's good for

the church. And so I usually just won't even listen

to it. I'll just nod and you could tell if

you're speaking to me about self interest because I do this.

Then I walk away like this, I'm just kidding. It

took me a long time to learn that a pastor

is like a good father who has a lot of kids.

And we're a multi generational church, and so the decisions

we have to make and I have to make are

also And here's how I make these decisions. I often

think to myself, one group can't get everything, but every

group should get something because that's how family works, right,

you know, all right, And so one of the biggest

ones it took me a few years to figure out,

like the balance of worship. You know, worship is a

thing that splits churches. Worship is a thing that makes

people very intense because everybody likes their own specific music.

Let me tell you something. I am never in a

worship planning meeting because you would hate my music. You know,

one week will be a bluegrass band next week, who

knows it would be you guys would be like, this

is insane. Okay, see, because we all have our own interests.

But all I have to do is I have to

look at the whole church. And so that's one of

the reasons why I tell Clint, like, man, make sure

we have an old classic or hymn every week, okay,

because those who have been faithful in this church for

many years, they love those songs, so we should honor

them and younger people if you don't like them, hey, okay,

that's fine. We're honoring those in our family that are

older in us. We're also gonna have a song that's

on the radio because we do have young people and

that's where they listen to most of their music. And

then we're gonna try to play some classics that everybody knows.

And what you try to do is you try to

find a balance, because we're moving a family together and

it's not about us picking this one group or picking

this other group, and so self interest often leads to

bad counsel. The last thing if you want to give

bad advice, okay, is simply this encouraged sin. A lot

of times, you know, people will hear their friend talk

to them and you might say something like, yeah, why

not cheat on him he treats you horrible, or it's

okay to live together before you're married. Marriage is just

a certificate, you know. I mean, it's cheaper, you can

save some money. No. No, If your advice encourages sin,

it's not good advice. Now here's what I want to

do for the rest of the time. I want to

focus in on four bad ways to give bad advice

to those who are suffering. Number one, talk before listening.

In other words, just start giving a spiritual slogans or

cliches without truly hearing their pain. See Bible says that

actual wisdom wisdom begins with listenings. It says, be quick

to listen, slow to speak, so you have to listen

to everything before you're allowed to reply to anything.

Number two, don't play detective. Do not play detective.

It is not your job to diagnose why they're suffering.

Okay, that's what elephas did.

Number three, do not give Hallmark cards solutions.

Everything happens for a reason, man. Just trust God and

have a little bit more faith.

Brother, like, no, they need empathy and a shoulder to

lean on. Or bad advice often speaks the truth, but

it's the wrong time in the emergency room, when someone's

getting their leg you know fixed.

It's not the time to say I told you not

to go down that road. I mean, it's like that's

what we do, don't we.

It's like no, no, no, no timing timing. Ecclesiastes says

there's a time to be silent and a time to speak.

Now here's how we give good advice as we head

out today. One, before you give any advice, you pray

you allow God to speak to you. Oh and by

the way, God speaks to you mostly through his word,

So remember elf as like I have a revelation. M Nope.

Number Two, ask permission before giving advice. This is what

I'll often do with people. I'll say, do you want

me just to listen today? Or do you just need

a friend? Or do you want me to lean in

a little bit? And I'll often make sure that whatever

advice I'm given is biblical. But also I will say

things like this, I'll say, now, this is just my opinion,

or take it or leave it, or hey, I'm gonna

share this with you, but we might want to ask

some other people. Because whatever advice you give, if you

actually want it, take it well. It needs to be

given with humility, needs to be given with humility so

people can actually hear it. And at least it's our

last thing. Speak the truth in love, truth, yes, God's word,

but in love and humility, In love and humility. All right,

as we close up today, I'm a pretty lucky guy.

I have some amazing friends who do have wisdom. And

I was thinking back this week to about ten years ago.

I had a day that blew my life up, turned

my life upside down, and I was pretty devastated. Gina

and Caitlin were out of town, so I reached out

to Andrew and Tim and I told him about it

and they were heartbroken for me, and they're like, all right,

we're just gonna be with you all evening. And first

Andrew and I went to the driving range just so

I can hit stuff and we didn't talk. Andrew paid,

which was the first time he'd ever paid for anything

his whole life. By the way, he's not here this

weekend because he's getting a doctorate. So it's fun to

trash him. And then we met up with Tim and

we ate so much sushi and I just ran my mouth.

I was upset. I was just processing out loud. I

don't remember anything they said that day, but I do

remember how they made me feel. Here's what was in

a because I don't think I would have ever came

to this conclusion on my own, but here's what I

learned that day. Because they were with me in that

way that day. By the end of that meal, something

happened emotionally to me. I started having hope. Why did

I have hope? Because I knew that it was gonna

be a tough road to go, but I wasn't gonna

do it alone. And I was gonna have friends who

actually cared about me. And See, that's the type of

friends we want to be. We want to be the

type of friends that walk with people, love people, and

we don't just try to fix people and send them away.

So church is what I want to do. We're gonna

take a moment. Now, we're gonna pray. And here's what

I want you to do. I want you to ask, simply, God,

help me be a better friend, a better small group member,

a better sunny school member, a better person to talk

to in a lobby. Okay, God, we come to you

now and we ask you to grow us. Yes we

are opinionated people, and yes, God, we have hearts where

we want to take care of our friends and fix them.

But God, we want to be led by you. So

go ahead and just take a moment now and ask

God to help you become a better friend. We commit

to you today as a body at Church of the Crossing.

We're gonna love people. We're gonna encourage our friends, but

we're gonna walk with them, and we ask you to

anoint our conversations and to help us. In Jesus' name. Amen.

One of the best ways that we love each other

around here is by praying with each other, praying for

each other. And so here's what I want to ask

you to do today. Today's Father's Day is so I

think in appropriate that of course, if you want to

be prayed for, if it concerns your job or health,

absolutely please come down. And we gonna go ahead and

ask the prayer partners to go ahead and come down.

But being Father's Day, I think it's appropriate day for

us to pray for our families to lift our families

up to the Lord, and maybe you want to come

down and be anointed on behalf, asking God to bless

and love on your family. But here's what we're gonna do.

You're gonna stand up here in a moment. Then we're

gonna ask you to come down the center aisle. Someone

will direct you to a prayer partner. But just allow

us today to love on you and encourage you before

you head out today, let us stay in and continue

to worship