The Friend Zone (Proverbs 13:20) | Louis Azuma

Speaker: All right, we're gonna be in Proverbs chapter 13, okay?

Proverbs 13 · chapter mention

And we're, uh, not talking about dating.

We're talking about friends.

Uh, so we're, we're all in the friend zone tonight, all right?

Um, we are gonna be talking about friends.

Uh, but I wanna tell you about some…

They're actually not friends.

They're brothers that I learned about this week.

Uh, one of them was named Wes, and the other one was named Tony.

And, uh, Tony and Wes, so, uh, Tony's the older one.

Tony was cool.

Wes was like, "Tony is awesome."

Tony, Tony had it all together.

I don't know if you ever have an older sibling like that.

I was lucky enough to have an older sibling who I thought was super cool,

and, and I wanted to be just like him.

And that's how Wes felt about Tony.

Tony was, um, he was, you know, he had it all together.

He, he looked cool.

He was athletic.

He was strong.

He was good-looking.

He, you know, he was the guy that, that Wes wanted to be when he grew up, right?

And, uh, maybe some of you older siblings think that to you.

Um, you should ask your younger sibling and find out later.

But, um, Wes wanted to be just like Tony.

And so then Tony, the problem was is Tony, um, he, he had a lot of

money even though he was young.

And Wes was like, "Oh, I wonder how he got so much money."

Well, it turns out Tony was involved in some bad stuff.

Tony was involved in some, some gangs and some, some drug dealings and…

But Wes thought it was cool.

Wes, younger brother, you know, he's like, "Oh yeah, Tony's the best.

Tony's so cool.

I wanna be like Tony."

And, um He started doing the same things that, that Tony was doing.

He started participating in all the illegal things and, and all that.

And Tony actually told his younger brother, he said, "I

don't want you to be like me.

I know you wanna be like me.

I know you think I'm cool.

I know you think I have it all together.

But I don't want you to get wrapped up in all the stuff that I'm into,

'cause I can't get out of it."

Right?

If you know anything about how this stuff works, um, you can't leave it,

because people wanna kill you, you owe people money, people owe you money,

and it gets really messy really fast.

And, um, eventually, um, Tony, Tony, he actually beat up his brother to j- get him

to stop pursuing that same gang lifestyle.

Um, but Wes didn't listen, and they ended up actually going to jail together,

um, down the road because they ended up shooting and killing a police officer.

Um, I hope you don't end up like that, and maybe you're thinking,

"Well, yeah, it's not me.

I'm not gonna do that."

But what I'm trying to illustrate here is if you hang out with the

wrong type of people, even if you're not always doing all the wrong

things, um, you end up becoming like the people you hang out with.

You become like the people you hang out with.

There's a, there's a stat…

I don't know if it's a stat.

There's a, there's a thing out there that says y- you become

like your five closest friends.

So if you wanna know what you're gonna be like at the end of this year, right,

think about where you were last year when you started your, your, whatever,

your junior year, or your sophomore year, or your seventh grade year.

Think about what you were like last year.

The reason you are who you are this year, a big part of that, is because

of the people you spent the most time around this past school year.

And if you wanna know what you're gonna be like at this time next year, right,

next summer, what am I gonna be like?

Look at the people around you that you're gonna spend the most time with.

Right?

Your teammates, your friends, your classmates, your siblings.

Those are the people that are gonna turn you into who you're gonna be.

And so that actually idea doesn't just come from the internet,

it comes from the Bible.

It comes from our passage in Proverbs 13.

So if you got your Bibles, turn to Proverbs 13:20 if

Proverbs 13:20

you're not already there.

I'll put it on the screen for you if you need it.

It says, "Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise."

Okay?

You walk with wise people, you become a wise person, right?

That idea of walking with someone, it's not just like, "Oh yeah, I go on a walk

with a wise person every morning at 7:00."

This is the idea of you live life with them, right?

When you talk about maybe you've been in church, they, people will ask you,

"Oh, how's your walk with Jesus?"

Right?

This is your lifestyle, your walk.

It's just how you live.

If you live with wise people, you spend time with wise people, you talk

to wise people, you, you watch wise people online, you're gonna become wise.

But the companion of fools will suffer harm.

And I don't know why there's two periods there, but maybe just extra emphasis.

I'm not sure.

But, um, the companion of fools will suffer harm.

See, we need God's wisdom for our friendships, right?

Because the problem that we've talked about for all of Proverbs

is that you and I are really bad at knowing what's good for us.

You and I are really bad at knowing what types of people we need to hang out with.

You and I are really bad at knowing what to place our value on.

You and I are really bad at knowing what's good for us, and that's why we

need God's wisdom to help us live, right?

We've talked about how wisdom is how we use God's rules in everyday life, right?

God gives guidelines, God gives principles to live by, and wisdom

is knowing how to execute it, right?

Wisdom is, is knowing, okay, um, I know that Jesus is God, but wisdom is knowing

how that works in everyday life, right?

So we want God's wisdom for our friendships too, okay?

And so our three points now are gonna be really simple.

We'll start with the first one, the first one that I actually realized

that I spelled wrong, but that's fine.

It's supposed to be find good friends, but that works too.

Find God friends, 'cause good friends are God friends.

There you go.

Um, you know, this is, like, probably my least favorite part about typing things

and spellcheck and stuff, is there's some words, like, you know, like the

becomes, like, they, or, you know, you put the wrong there, and it doesn't tell

you it's spelled wrong, so you have to actually, like, proofread your own things.

Pro tip right there.

Um, so it's supposed to be find good friends, okay?

There you go.

Find good friends.

'Cause you become like the people you're gonna hang out with, right?

We've talked about this before.

Um, but a lot of us don't take it seriously, right?

Paul, in 1 Corinthians 15, which we'll get there probably in four years with Pastor

PJ, um, he says, "Don't be deceived.

Bad company corrupts good morals."

Maybe your, your parents have told you this, right?

"Oh, don't hang out with those bad people 'cause you're gonna be like them and

it's gonna not be good for you," right?

You've probably heard that before.

You have a question or something?

What's morals mean?

Great question.

Morals, that's like, uh, what you think is good, what you think is right.

Oh.

Right?

So your morals, that's like your, your compass, your internal compass of, oh,

this is good, or this is bad, right?

Yeah.

Great question.

Uh, so bad company, right?

If you're, if you're with bad people who have bad morals, that's gonna turn

your morals into bad morals, right?

It's gonna break your, your compass, and you're gonna start thinking good things

are bad and bad things are good, right?

That's, that's what happens here.

Now, maybe you just know this part, right?

Bad company corrupts good morals.

You're like, "Great."

Why do you think he starts with this part, "Don't be deceived"?

Exactly.

Right?

What the problem is, is every one of us, we think, "Oh, but not for me.

I can hang out with those people and it won't ruin my life.

I can hang out with those people and it's not gonna be that bad for me.

I'm the one that's different."

All of us think that, and that's why he puts this up here.

Don't be deceived because you and I think we can make it.

You and I think, "Well, I'm the exception.

I'm the person that can, that can just not be influenced by the people around me.

I'm the trailblazer.

I'm the alpha.

I'm the leader.

I can do this, and they, uh, maybe I'm just not like everyone else

And that's especially true, I think, usually the younger we are, is it's

easier for us to think, "Well, I'm the one that's, that's gonna make it.

Those older people, my parents, my, my grandparents, they don't

know what they're talking about.

The Bible is an old book.

It, it's just a bunch of rules.

They're trying to ruin my life and let me not have fun."

That's called being deceived.

You cannot escape this.

Bad company corrupts good morals.

If you hang out with the wrong people, you are going to become a foolish person.

Right.

And foolish, not just someone who's…

Foolish has nothing to do with intelligence.

Right?

There's very smart people that are foolish.

Being foolish has everything to do with what you think about God and how you live.

Is it His way or your way?

It's foolish to live your way.

We've talked about that all summer long.

But you don't just become like the people you hang out with.

I want you to s- to notice the second half of our verse, right?

We've talked about how there's like parallel things in Proverbs, right?

There's like the first half and the second half, right?

So you're reading this verse and you're like, "Okay, right.

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools…"

If you had to fill in the blank, you would say, "Become a fool."

Right?

That's what you expect to see.

Well, yes, you hang out with wise people, you become wise.

You hang out with foolish people, you become foolish.

But guess what?

It doesn't say that, does it?

It says, "You'll suffer harm."

You will be in trouble.

You'll get hurt.

If you hang out with the wrong people, you'll get hurt.

That's different, right?

That's, doesn't just mean you'll become like them.

It means there's consequences for the people you hang out with.

Maybe you've experienced this.

Maybe you've experienced this at school this week already.

Right?

You sit with the person who's talking, who's messing around,

and then you're sitting next to them, and they make a joke, and you

laugh, and guess who's in trouble?

You are.

Right?

Not the person who made the joke.

Right?

The companion of fools got in trouble.

Right?

They suffered harm.

Or maybe you were hanging out with some people and, and maybe you've,

you've been in a situation like this.

You guys were breaking the rules, maybe even breaking the law.

Right?

Think about like a car accident.

Just because you're not the one driving, right?

Maybe, maybe the driver's speeding and you're in the

backseat, and they hit someone.

Well, who's gonna suffer the consequences of them hitting someone?

Everyone in the car, not just the driver.

So maybe you're not the driver of foolishness, but maybe

you're still in the car.

You're a companion of foolish people.

If you're still in the car of foolish people, and maybe it's not

an actual car, maybe it's you hang out with them, maybe it's you,

you spend a lot of time with them.

If you're in the car, you're gonna get hurt.

If you spend enough time with people who don't like God, who don't live

according to the wisdom that He gives us, you're gonna get hurt.

Right?

Living apart from God, living independently, living our own

way hurts people all the time.

All the time.

And so if you spend enough time in the car of a foolish person,

you will get in an accident.

Right?

You might go to the hospital.

You might die.

And I'm not just talking about cars, I'm talking about life.

And so the, the world wants to deceive us about friendship, right?

Your heart wants to trick you about friendship and what types of

people you should be friends with.

There's a couple maybe lies that, that I think would be good for you to, to

be alerted to about friendship, okay?

The first thing that I want you to, to be worried about, I guess wary of, right,

in terms of a lie, is that the world will tell you, and maybe your heart will tell

you this, that having things in common is the most important thing about friendship.

I need to have things in common with this person to be friends with them, right?

We need to like the same things.

We need to be ha- be from the same, the same area, or have the same

personality, or think the same things are funny, or have the same interests.

Right?

The world will tell you that, that you should be with people that are like you

And that's the basis for your friendship, all of these surface level commonalities.

But what I wanna ask you is what do you base your friendships on?

What do you build your friendships around?

Are your friendships built around sports?

Are they built around homework?

Are they built around you don't like that teacher?

Are they built around you guys like the same YouTubers?

What do you build your friendships around?

Because all of those things, if you build your friendship on that,

that's a very thin friendship.

That's a very weak friendship, right?

If your friendship is built around playing the same video game together,

that's not the type of friend that's gonna help you be wise.

That's, that's a paper thin friendship

So what do you found, or your friendships on?

What do you build them on?

Right?

If you're gonna find good friends, you need to build your

friendships on substantial things.

Right?

Not just surface level commonalities, but, oh, we both love Jesus.

That's the foundation of our friendship.

Right?

In fact, we don't just both love Jesus, Jesus has changed us, right?

He's made us who we are.

He's put us into the same family.

Maybe another lie that you believe about friendship is that the

point of friends is to have fun.

That's what the world tells you.

The point of friends is to have fun.

It's to do fun things together.

It's to enjoy yourself.

It's to, it's to do a lot of unserious things together

What I wanna ask you then is what's the goal of your friendship?

If the goal of your friendship is to have fun, again, that,

that's a weak friendship, right?

That's a, that's a, that's a diet friendship, right?

That's a low sodium friendship.

That's a gluten-free friendship, right?

That's a sugar-free fri…

You know, have you ever had sugar-free ice cream?

It's like the worst thing ever, right?

You don't want a sugar-free friendship, right?

You want a friendship that's meaty, that lasts, that satisfies, right?

If your friendships are all just about having fun, you never have any serious

conversations with your friends, that friendship is not going to really

matter to you in the long run, right?

When your parents are going through a hard time, when you get really sick,

when your girlfriend or boyfriend break, breaks up with you, when you

fail that class, doesn't matter how many good memories you have playing

Rocket League with your friends, right?

You want a friend who knows God's word, who cares about you, and who loves you.

Doesn't matter how many jokes they can tell, because you need a friend who's

really gonna be there and care for you.

So what is the goal of your friendship?

Is the goal of your friendship just to have fun?

Or is it to really have someone who's gonna walk through life with you?

To be there for you when things really matter

Another lie you might think about friendship is that friendship shouldn't

take work, it should just come naturally.

You won't have friends for very long if you don't put in work, right?

And if you make friends with people, right, you don't want a friend who's

only gonna be friends with you when it's easy to be friends with you.

Because if we're honest, it's not easy to be friends with all of us

for very long . It's not easy to be friends with someone, a sinner, for

a super long time because guess what?

Guess what sinners do?

They sin, right?

And so if, if you think, "Well, I'm only gonna be friends with this person

when it's easy," or, or this person, "I just wanna be friends with people

when it's easy to be friends with people," then you're not gonna find

any good friends, 'cause they're gonna be gone as soon as your life is hard.

As soon as you're, you're busy, or as soon as you're going through something,

they're gonna be like, "Well, it's too much work to be friends with this person.

I'm not gonna do it anymore."

As soon as you really have real problems, they're just gonna be like, "Oh, I'm out."

And it doesn't matter, again, how much fun you had with them, if

they're not gonna stick around when it takes work to be friends, when they

have to forgive you, when they have

when you have to confess sin to them, right?

You want a friend who's gonna be there then.

You don't just want a friend who's gonna hop on your game

together online and, and hang out

Maybe a lie you think about friends is that you don't need them.

Maybe you're just like, "I don't need friends.

I'm good."

And I, I- God, from the beginning of the Bible, has said it's not good

for you to be by yourself, right?

He hasn't designed you to be a lone ranger.

So maybe you're thinking, "Well, I don't need to find good friends,

'cause I'm fine on my own," right?

Well, you're going against the design of the person who made you.

God made you, and He made you to, to have friends.

He made you to have people to help you because you…

we need help.

And that's, that's what a lot of this comes from.

A lot of this comes from us being uh, not being honest with

ourselves of, "I need friends.

I really do."

It's not just a…

Friends aren't a luxury.

Friends aren't optional.

Your life requires friends, because you're gonna have real problems and

real struggles and real sin, and you need real friends to help you.

You don't just need fun friends.

You don't just need flaky friends.

You need real friends.

So find good friends.

Well, we talked about some lies about friendship, but what makes

someone a good friend, right?

What makes someone a good friend?

If you're gonna look for friends, if you're gonna find friends that are

really gonna be there when you need them to be, who are really gonna help

you grow in wisdom and, and love Jesus, well, what makes someone a good friend?

Well, the first thing, I wanna ask you this, is, is do you even

want the friends that you need?

Because you might not want these type of friends.

You might not want friends who are going to be the friends

you need them to be, okay?

Let, let's start with this.

Proverbs 17:17 says, "A friend loves at all times, and a

Proverbs 17:17

brother is born for adversity."

Adversity is, like, when things are really hard.

"A friend loves at all times.

A brother is born for adversity."

Right?

You…

The, the…

One of the things you should look for in a friend is someone who's loyal.

Right?

Someone who, who cares about you, not just when it's easy to care about

you or when it's convenient to care about you, but at all, all the times.

Right?

A brother is born for adversity.

A, a best friend, a close friend is made for those situations when life is really

hard, or when you don't know what you're gonna do next, when you don't know how

you're gonna keep trusting the Lord, when you can't keep fighting that sin.

That's when you need friends.

Right?

You, you want friends that actually love Jesus more than you.

And what I mean by that, I don't just mean friends that, "Okay, I love Jesus

this much, and they love Jesus more."

I mean friends that care about Jesus more than they care about you.

Because those are the friends that are gonna care about you more.

Does that make sense?

Because you need friends that are loyal to your good, not just what you want, right?

In our, in our culture right now especially, but in general, we like

surrounding ourselves with people that just affirm everything about us.

That I heard, um…

It was actually the same interview I mentioned at Revival about

Tom Brady and his psychologist.

He was talking about how all of these young athletes, their whole

life, they're surrounded by people who just say, "You're the best."

Right?

They- they're in high school, and they're the best player on their

team, and all their teammates are like, "Oh, yeah, you're so good.

You're so…

You're, you're great.

You don't need to listen to anyone."

And their coach usually is like, well, they're the star player, so he's

like, "Well, you're, you're the best.

You're awesome."

And, and then they get an, an, an agent, and the agent is like, "You're so good.

You deserve all this money.

You're gonna g- do all these great things."

And they're just surrounded by people that say, "You're great, you're

great, you're great, you're great."

And then these people never learn how to actually grow.

These, these athletes, they, they…

Whenever…

Then they meet a coach who actually says, "You need to work on this," and

they get offended because the coach is actually trying to coach them, right?

The coach is actually trying to help them grow and they're

like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You don't think I'm the greatest baseball player of all time?

What's wrong with you?"

All right, you need friends who are committed to your good.

They're not just committed to what you want to hear.

Right, you need friends that are gonna be honest with you, right?

And that's where this next thing goes in Proverbs 27:5-6.

Proverbs 27:5–6

It says, "It's better to have open rebuke," right, it's better for someone

to call you out for something, "than to love you and not tell you about it."

It's better for someone to say, "Hey, you know what?

Um, the way that you talk to people is … It comes across as really prideful."

Maybe you need someone to tell you that.

But if they never tell you, but they really care about you, but they never,

they never show you that they care about you, that's not very helpful, right?

It's better to have someone who's gonna tell you what they think and how to help

you than to not say anything at all.

And in verse six, this is one of my favorites.

Faith … So the wounds of a friend are faithful.

I know it's kinda backwards.

It's like Yoda.

But faithful are the wounds of a friend, right?

The wounds of a friend are faithful.

And then profuse, that means, like, a lot, like overflowing,

right, are the kisses of an enemy.

Right?

Someone who doesn't like you, they're gonna act like, "Oh, wow, you're so good."

They're gonna overflow with flattery, right?

But a- someone who really cares about you, they're gonna wound you.

That's what this proverb is saying.

They're gonna tell you hard things, not because they wanna hurt you,

but because they wanna help you.

Um, Pastor Rod said it to me actually when I was in high school.

He said, "You need friends who stab you in the front."

You need friends who stab you in the front, not stab you in the back, right?

You don't just want a bunch of friends who are gonna say, oh, uh, who are gonna

lie to you and tell you how great you are.

That might feel good for, for a little bit, but if you just surround yourself

with friends who are, who are never gonna tell you hard things, who are never

gonna call out sin in your life, who are never gonna challenge you to help

you grow, who are never gonna disagree with you when you're being dumb, who

are never gonna say, "You know what?

We … You actually shouldn't, shouldn't go to that party," or, "You know what?

You actually are really reckless with, with your words.

Uh, you, you really should stop talking about that right now," or,

"You really need to delete that app off your phone," or, "You're really

lazy with your Bible reading," right?

You need friends who will tell you that.

Those are the kind of friends that care about your soul, right?

They're loyal to you, to your good.

They're not just loyal to you feeling good.

They're loyal to actually what's good for you, right?

They, they make you eat your vegetables.

Now, you need friends like that.

But you also need friends that, that know God's word, right?

Um, later in this chapter, it says…

All right, and the thing about back in the day, right, oil and

perfume make the heart glad.

Right, things that smell good.

'Cause if you think, like, back then, they didn't have deodorant, they

didn't have scented candles, they didn't have air fresheners, right?

And they didn't have plumbing.

So things that smelled good were great.

Right, you loved things that smelled good.

And what makes a friend smell good to your soul, right, is earnest counsel.

What does that mean?

It means they, they care.

They're earnest, right?

They, they, they care.

And counsel, they're, they're wise.

Right, they know God's word, and they care about you.

And that's really what makes a friend a good friend.

So I guess our point isn't that bad when you need to find God friends, right?

You need to find friends that, that know God and that want you to love

God, and they care more about you loving God than you liking them.

Right?

If your friends care about you liking them more than they care about your

relationship with Jesus, that's not a good friend, 'cause they're never gonna

risk anything to help you, 'cause they don't wanna mess up your relationship.

But if they really care about you, right, they're gonna use God's word.

They're gonna know God's word and, and use it in your life.

Right?

You need friends that, that are doing the things that we're talking

about, right, that, that are applying God's word, taking things that God

says and actually living it out.

'Cause those are the friends that are really going to help you

One thing that you maybe probably never thought about with a friend

is, do I wanna be like this person?

Not do I wanna like this person, but do I wanna be like this person?

All right, think about your friends.

You don't have to look at them right now.

But think about them, and I want you to think, do I wanna be more like

this person by the end of the year?

Do I wanna, do I wanna act like them?

Do I wanna talk to my parents like they talk to their parents?

Do I, do I want to drive like them?

Do I want to do my homework like them?

Do I want to love Jesus the way they love Jesus?

Do I wanna respond to hard situations the way they respond to hard situations?

Do I wanna handle my emotions the way they handle their emotions?

'Cause if you spend enough time around them, that's what you're gonna be.

You're gonna be like them.

So maybe when you think about who should I be friends with this year, or who

should I be close friends with maybe, you should think about who do I wanna be like?

Or when it's 2027, who do I, who do I wanna look like?

Who do I wanna sound like?

Who do I wanna talk like?

Something else that you might not have thought about with friends

is do I respect this person?

Do I actually value this person?

Right, uh, uh, what they say, right?

Do, when this person gives me advice, would I listen?

That's the person you wanna be friends with, right?

You don't wanna be friends with the person who's, who you're like,

"Oh, I don't care what they think.

It doesn't matter."

Right?

That's not someone you wanna be friends with.

'Cause they're, your friends are gonna give input into your life, and if you,

if you don't respect them and their opinion, if you wouldn't listen to them,

then why are you friends with them?

And I'm not saying you sh- when I talk about friends, I hope you understand,

I'm not trying to say you should never talk to these people, right?

I'm saying that these are the people that you're, you're doing

li- you're walking with, right?

You're, you're running with.

These are the people that you're spending your most time with, you're talking

about your problems with, that you're sharing your happiness with, right?

These are the people that are always at the top of your, your text message

thing 'cause you're, you're texting them.

They're involved in your life, right?

You don't have to pin them 'cause they're already there.

Right?

I remember Shay and I were talking about this.

She's like, "Why don't you have me pinned on your phone?"

And I was like, "'Cause I'm always texting you.

I don't need to pin you.

You're always at the top of the, the li- message list, right?"

Right?

Those are the people I'm talking about.

These are the people that you need to…

You need to respect these people.

You need to be willing to listen to these people.

You need these people to care about you.

They need to be there for you.

And that's what the time, that's what you, you wanna look for, um, in a friend.

Maybe you're thinking, uh, I don't have good friends.

Maybe you've, you've heard this and you're like, "I don't, I don't have a

lot of good friends," or maybe you're thinking, "I wish I had friends like

that, but all my friends stink."

Maybe that's what you're thinking.

I hope not, but maybe you are.

Um, the best way for you to find good friends is to be a good

friend, and that's our second point.

Be a good friend.

I spelled it right this time.

That's proof that I can spell.

Be a good friend.

Right, the best way to make friends is to start being a good friend

because good friends will respond well to good friendship, right?

If, if you take friendship seriously

The good friends in your life will respond to that and follow

your lead and take it seriously.

Right?

If you start talking about serious things, the good friends in your

life will say, "Yeah, sign me up.

I want more of that."

Right?

If you start taking your faith seriously and, and taking your relationship with

God seriously, the bad friends in your life are gonna say, "Oh, you're weird now.

You're not as fun as you used to be."

The good friends in your life are gonna say, "I, I…

This is great.

I want more of this

So if you start being a good friend, the good friends in your life will, will

find you because they want more of that.

And that's what makes them a good friend, is they want good friendship

So God says a lot about what it looks like to be a good friend,

and we talked about some of that.

But we talked about being committed to the best interests of your friends, right?

My mom always told me, "To love someone means you want what's best for them."

It doesn't mean you have warm fuzzies about them.

It doesn't mean that, that, you know, you get heart eyes when you see them.

To love someone means you want what's good for them.

You don't necessarily want what they want, you want what's good for them.

You want what's best for them.

And that's what, really what friendship is, is I am committed to your good.

I don't care if you like me, I don't care if you want me.

I care about your good.

That's what good friends do.

Right?

Friendship is hard work.

People are, are sinners.

People…

Uh, it's hard to be friends with me.

I'm sure it's hard to be friends with you.

People are hard to love, and so a good friend loves their friend

when their friend's not lovable.

That's what good friends do.

Right?

If you, if you're gonna be a good friend to someone, you should love them

when they're at their worst, right?

When they're mad at you, when they're not treating you well, when

Things aren't going the way you want them to go, right?

That's when good friends step up

Um, good friends are, are humble, right?

That's part of it, right?

You have to care about the other person and their interests

more than your own a lot.

Right?

Philippians 2 says, um, that we should count other people as

more significant than ourselves.

That we should say, "You know what?

Your good is more important than my good."

Right?

Good friends are, are humble, right?

No one wants to be friends with someone that's all about themselves.

No one wants to be friends with a selfish person, right?

A good friend is gonna put the other person's interests

ahead of them- themselves.

They're gonna say, "You know what?

You need this more than I do right now.

I'm here for you.

I'm not in this friendship for me.

I'm in this friendship to love you and to support you and for your good."

Right?

And that's humility.

Right?

If, if you're in your friendships for what you can get out of it-

Someone might say that you're a parasite, right?

Someone might say that, that you're just in the friendship to, to suck all the, all

the energy out of the other person, right?

You're not there to, to give anything to them

Selfishness and envy will kill your friendships.

They'll kill your friendships

And it's really hard, right, to, to not be selfish.

I mean, if you think about this, um, I don't know if you've…

how deeply you've thought about this, but American sports are

actually built on selfishness.

Uh, because if you think, if you, if you really wanted to, right?

'Cause you know how all the s- all the NFL players, all the NBA

players, they say, "Oh, yeah, you know, my number one goal every year

is to win the Super Bowl," right?

"And I'm all about the team," whatever, right?

Well, guess what?

If you, you know, the, all the, all the best N- uh, NFL players, if they

wanted to, they could all join the same team if they just took less money.

You understand that, right?

Like Miles Garrett and Patrick Mahomes and, um, Puka Nacua, and they

could all just say, "You know what?"

I guess half of them are on the Rams anyway.

But they could all just say, "You know what?

We're all gonna get on the best team together."

If we all took $5 million a year, which is a lot of money, they could

all just join the best team and, and get on the same team together.

But you know why they don't do that?

'Cause they're selfish.

'Cause they don't wanna be a third-stringer on the best team.

They'd rather be a starter and make more money on a okay team than form the, the

Monstars, right, the, the All-Stars.

And, but the Dodgers, they don't take less money.

They just spend more money.

Speaker 2: They, they don't

Speaker: have to pay them back.

Yeah, well, they, yeah, they defer all the payments.

That's the Astros actually Weston, it's not, it's not the Dodgers' fault the

Royals don't wanna spend money, okay?

But anyway, even like any sport, right?

The…

If they wanted to, right?

Like think about, think about basketball, right?

Think about, think about basketball, right?

All the good players, if they wanted to, could all get on the

same team and just dominate.

But they don't.

They don't because they want more money, right?

Selfish.

They're selfish, exactly.

If, if that's you in your friendships, right?

If, if your whole friendship is, "Well, I care more about my

wellbeing than my friend," you're, you're gonna tank your friendship

We talked about this before, but your friendships need you to be honest.

Proverbs 17:9 says, "Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats

Proverbs 17:9

a matter separates close friends."

Right?

This is gossip right here, right?

"Oh, did you hear about so-and-so?

Did you know that so-and-so did this?"

Right?

A good friend is trustworthy, right?

If you can't keep a secret, you're a, y- you're a bad friend.

If you just have to tell everything about your friends to everyone, you

are failing them as a friend, right?

If you wanna find a good friend, find someone you can trust, right?

When, when you tell them something, they need to be trustworthy.

They need to be able to handle it well with wisdom

But you also need to be honest, right?

And that's this part right here.

"Whoever covers an offense seeks love," right?

You need to love people, your friends, enough to forgive them, right?

If, if you are keeping score in your friendship, your friendship

isn't gonna last very long, right?

If, if you're easily offended, you're gonna be really hard to be friends with

If you hold on to bitterness, you're not gonna be a very good friend.

A few verses later, "The beginning of strife," right, conflict, "is

like letting out water, so quit before the quarrel breaks out."

I, I thought of this.

So when I was a kid, um, at the beach, I didn't wanna surf or boogie

board or go in the water or anything.

I just wanted to, to build sandcastles when I was a kid.

And so I would try to build sandcastles that would, like, survive a really

long time after all the waves.

And see, what happens with sand, right, is if there's, like, a hole

in your wall, it just gets bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger, right?

You have to, you have to cover the hole immediately, right?

You c- you can't wait.

You gotta cover it right away.

The longer you, you let the hole grow, and the more water you let come in,

it just destroys the whole thing.

And that's kinda like if you have conflict with someone, right, someone offends you,

you gotta deal with it right away, right?

You can't just hold onto it and s- and just get angrier and angrier

and more upset about it, right?

You, you deal with it there instead of saying, "Well, oh, can you

believe that they said this to me?"

And you tell your other friend, and then you tell your other friend.

Or, "Yeah, this person did this to me, and c- you know, have they

ever done this, like, to you?"

Right?

You spread it, and it, it, it ru- it just destroys everything, right?

You need to be able to resolve conflict with your friends.

You need to go to them and say, "Hey, you know, that was really hurtful.

You know, I'd appreciate if you didn't say things this way."

You know?

Is … Or maybe you talk about it.

You say, "Is there anything that I need to do to be a better friend to you?"

Right?

You have to be quick to address conflict.

Uh, you also need to be vulnerable to be a good friend, 'cause being,

being a good friend is risky because you're putting yourself

out there to, to get burned, right?

You pour yourself into someone.

You care about their good.

You pray for them.

You, you invest in them.

You ask them questions, and then they leave you.

They burn you.

They let you down, right?

It's risky to be a good friend.

You have to … You, you're setting yourself up to, to get hurt, and you

have to be vulnerable to do that.

Um, but you also have to be willing to put in more than

you'll get out sometimes, right?

Friendships are not 50/50.

They might be, but they might not be.

Right?

If, if you're going into your friendship trying to get out what you

put in, if that's your goal, that's not gonna go very well because you're

gonna be constantly thinking, "Oh, well, this person's not doing this,

they're not doing this, they're not doing this, they're not doing this."

But also, it's okay if you're not a perfect friend

No one's a perfect friend.

Right, one of the best ways to make friends is actually to

share that you're not perfect.

Right?

One of the best ways to get to know someone is to confess your sin, right?

To be vulnerable, to be open.

And sometimes you have to take initiative.

Maybe you're saying, "Well, I, I, no one ever gets to, to share stuff

with me, and I don't feel like my friendships are getting deep, and I'm

not growing and to get to know people."

Well, maybe you need to start.

Maybe they're waiting for you to open up.

So don't wait until you're perfect to be a good friend, right?

Maybe you're thinking, "Well, I'm just not a-- I'm not-- I

don't have my life together.

I can't be a good friend."

Well, if you just keep waiting till you're perfect, guess what?

You're never gonna be a good friend at all

And the last thing to being a good friend is, uh, you need to love Jesus

more than you love your friends.

Because if you love your friends more than you love Jesus, you

are doing them a disservice

Um, when Shay and I got married, our first vow, or at least my first vow

on, when I wrote them out was, "I will love Jesus more than I love you."

Right?

That's what I, I promised to her almost two years ago.

And the reason I said that is not because I don't care about her, but the best

thing I can do is to love Jesus most.

And the best thing you can do as a friend is love Jesus most.

Because if you need your friends more than you need Jesus, you're putting your

friends in a position that they can't be.

Your friends can't be Jesus for you.

Your friends can't be your savior.

Your friends can't fix all your problems.

Your friends can't forgive your sins.

Your friends can't give you the peace and comfort and

security that you need from God.

So if, if you love your friends more than you love Jesus, that's called an idol.

And the best thing you can do for your friends is love

Jesus more than your friends.

There was one author, the way he put it is, "You need to start loving

people and stop needing people."

Right?

If you just need people, you need people to fill all the emptiness in your

life, that's turning them into an idol.

You're asking them to do what God needs to do

But all of your best friends, even if they're awesome, will let you down, right?

And that's why our third point is to make friends with Jesus.

Make friends with Jesus

I know some people, this is weird to them for a few reasons.

Right?

You can't see Jesus.

You can't give Jesus a high five.

You can't go play soccer with Jesus, which that would be his

favorite sport if, if he had one.

Um, but this is kinda weird for some…

Some people, this is even potentially dangerous, right?

Because they, they, they don't want you to call Jesus their friend because,

um, or your friend, because they think that's lowering Jesus, right?

Jesus is the king.

Jesus is the Lord, right?

He's not just your buddy.

Which is true, he is the king.

But King Jesus

Says that if you are trusting in Him, you're His friend, right?

You get to be friends with the King.

And that's why when we talk about following Jesus, we don't just say, "Oh

yeah, do all the things Jesus says."

Right?

When he says jump, you say how high.

It's true.

Right?

If Jesus says do something, you do it.

But there's also a closeness.

There's a personal just, there's a friendship that you have

with Jesus when you follow Him.

It doesn't lower Him, it's just you're adding, right?

You're not taking away from his kingship, his authority.

You're just adding on friendship to that, right?

He says this in John 15.

He says, "You're my friends if you do what I command you."

Now, that sounds really weird, right?

None of your friends should ever tell you this.

None of your friends that are human should ever say, "Yep, you'll, you can

be my friend if you obey me," right?

That's, don't, don't be friends with…

If, if anyone else says that to you, don't be friends with them, right?

You should probably run away.

If they say, "Yeah, if you obey my every command, you could be my friend," right?

That's weird.

No one should say that.

But the reason that Jesus says that is 'cause when you think about

it, why does God give us commands?

Why does God give us commands?

Right, maybe you think, okay, well, He gives us commands 'cause

they're for our good, right?

They protect us.

They help us.

It's one reason.

Another reason God gives us commands is because it helps us be close with Him.

Maybe you've never thought about that before, but God's commands, right,

the, the things that Jesus asks you to do, are to help you be close with Him.

They're to develop your relationship with Him

Now Jesus gives you commands to help you love Him.

So obeying Jesus is the same thing as being close with Jesus, right?

Sometimes I think we can make those things separate in our heads, right?

Well, some things I do, I obey Jesus because He's the Lord, and then some

things I do because it's personal, right?

Maybe you think, "Yeah, I read my Bible because I'm obeying Jesus,

but I sing songs to Jesus because I'm being close with Jesus."

It's like, well, that's, is all the same thing

And maybe you're someone out there, maybe you think I am friends with

Jesus, but you don't do what he says.

Well, Jesus would say, "Sorry, you're not, you're not my friend."

Right?

If, if you call Jesus your friend and you don't do anything he says,

if you're disobeying him, you're dishonoring him, you're disrespecting

him, you're not his friend, right?

You're gonna, you're gonna stand there and say, "Oh, Jesus, my friend,

it's time for me to go to heaven."

And he's gonna say, "Depart from me, I never knew you."

So don't trick yourself into thinking you're friends with

Jesus if you're really not, right?

But he gives us this great privilege of, hey, y- if you're following me,

you're not just my servant, you are his, his slave if you follow Jesus,

but you're also his friends because he, he lifts you, he brings you up from

your, your position of, of slave and says, "I, I'll be your friend too."

And so I just want you all to see how amazing of a friend Jesus is.

Um, in John 13:1, this is one of my favorite verses in the Bible actually.

John 13:1

Um, now before the Passover, right, so Jesus, he's about to die, right?

When Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from the world to be

with the Father, having loved his own, the disciples who were in the

world, he loved them to the end.

Which this is, this is just the, the coolest thing, right?

Jesus lived with these people, his disciples, right?

Peter, James, John, Matthew, Judas.

Judas, not Iscariot.

The other Judas, right?

Bartholomew, Nathaniel, all these people, and he, he loved them to the end.

Right?

Jesus loves you if you're his friend.

He loves you more than you could even comprehend, and maybe you don't

even care, but Jesus loves you more than you think someone could love you

And that's why he's the best friend, 'cause he, he cares

about you more than all of your friends care about you combined

Right?

Jesus cares about you and your good more than anyone else possibly could.

He'll be more patient with you, right?

You never…

I, I know sometimes I worry, "Man, I, I can't believe this person's friends

with me because I'm such a loser."

Right?

I, I feel that sometimes.

But I can say, "You know what?

Jesus will never be so impatient with me that he'll just say,

'Sorry, Lewis, I'm done.

I can't be your friend anymore.

You're too hard to love.'"

Jesus will never feel that way about you And Jesus is the most

kind person you could ever meet.

And maybe that's hard for you to comprehend because you don't

know him that well, right?

And that, and that's why he's given us his word, right?

You can meet Jesus and hear from him every day.

And you b- you can befriend him and talk to him and hear from him and live

life with him and be close with him.

And these are…

It's so hard for me to explain this to you if you're just out there

and you're saying, "It's not real.

I don't want this.

I don't like this," because it's, you just feel it.

It's one of the things you know when you know, right?

If, if you follow Jesus and you really do it, you'll get there, right?

You, you'll, you'll come to know Jesus, that he's, he's so faithful, right?

Jesus never forgets about anything about you.

He doesn't show up late to something that he was supposed to be at.

He doesn't forget to, to send you the thing he's supposed to send you.

He doesn't, he doesn't forget about that.

A- and what I love about Jesus too is, uh, he's like us, but he's not

like us at the same time, right?

He's, he's like you.

He's human.

He knows what it's like to be human.

Jesus knows what it's like to have parents.

He knows what it's like to have people let him down.

He knows what it's like to, to stub his toe.

He knows what it's like to eat vegetables.

Jesus knows what it's like to get sick.

He knows what it's like to have friends that, at school,

that, that make fun of him.

He knows what it's like to, to have parents misunderstand him.

He knows, he knows what it's like to be you.

He knows what it's like to be 14 or 16 or 12.

He knows everything, right?

He's, he's literally been there and done that.

But then at the same time, he's totally unlike anyone you'll ever meet, right?

Because he's, he's, he's God, right?

He's, he's so wise, and he's, he's perfect, and he cares so much more than

you could care, and he knows so much more than you could know, and he always

does exactly what he says he's gonna do.

And it's, it's amazing to be friends with Jesus.

And so maybe this is totally foreign to you.

And I, I, I want you to know that you can have Jesus this way.

You can have Jesus as your friend.

Still your king, yes.

Still your Lord, but your friend.

And he will be with you and walk life with you every day, right?

And you can have him just like that for your good forever.

And then one day you get to be with him and see him.

And again, the, the whole point, this is what being a

Christian is all about, right?

It's not about, "Oh Jesus, I just want you to get me to heaven so I can forget

about you and not need you anymore."

Being a Christian is all about being friends with Jesus

'Cause I, I, I want Jesus.

I know him.

I, I've heard from him my whole life, and, and one day I'm gonna see

him, and we're gonna be together.

That's the whole point

And so maybe for some of you, you're just like, "Yes, I love-- This is it.

This is, this is what I'm here for."

And maybe for some of you, you're like, "I, I kinda get some of

that," and I just invite you to l- lean in to friendship with Jesus.

And for some of you, this is totally foreign.

You're saying, "I don't, I don't get it."

And Jesus is-- They call him the friend of sinners, right?

You're not below anything.

Jesus will befriend you if you let him.

Let's pray, and we'll talk about that more in small groups.

God, we are amazed that you would want to be friends with us

You don't need to be friends with us.

You didn't make us because you were lonely.

You didn't make us because you needed help.

You didn't make us because you were bored.

Um, you made us so that you could love us.

And so I pray for, for all of us here that we would be able to have

a closer relationship with you.

For some students here, I pray that they would start a relationship with you

today, that they would turn from their sin, put their trust in Jesus to remove

their, the hostility between them and you, that they would let go of living

for themselves and start living for you.

I pray for students here who maybe it's hard for them to be friends

with you, uh, but they want to be.

I pray that you help them.

I pray that they trust you, that they cry out to you and ask for help.

And I pray for all of us here that we would just enjoy

closer friendship with you.

So we're grateful for you, and we pray all these things in Jesus' name.

Amen